#could i understand dean choosing to opt out of romance. and it would be great ! but it doesnt make sense with what we got in canon.

[elsa-of-arrendelle]

If Destiel shippers are allowed to post why they ship Destiel, I am allowed to say why I don’t.

I’ll point out that, yes, I’m religious. I’m a Christian of the LDS church and I believe that marriage and sexual relations should be between a man and a woman. But that’s not the big reason I don’t ship Destiel (Heck, I think Cecil and Carlos are *neat* and freaking adorable). 

I don’t ship Destiel because of what it cancels from the characters, the healthiness of the proposed relationship, and the effect it’s had on the fandom over the years.

Destiel is a ship that began as a fanon ship and still is. The biggest promotion is fans on tumblr, the lip-service and stories are written by fans, the scenes are either drawn by or edited from available sources by fans. The writers clearly have no intent of making it canon and the actors (mainly Jensen cause he’s tired of the constant peppering) have said that Destiel does not exist in the show.

The character-destroying reasons I don’t ship Destiel:

There is a canonically straight man who watches soap operas, cleans, cooks, has worn pink satin panties, drinks flavored water, listens to kids, show empathy, cries, is unafraid to show affection to his male friends and family, mother-hens his friends and family, and listens to his own moral code. It bashes so many stereotypes it makes me want to cry of happiness. Turning Dean Bi changes “breaking useless gender roles and stereotypes” to “Oh, well yeah, he’s gay so that makes sense now.” and degrades how revolutionary his character already is against mainstream media.

There’s also an angel who doesn’t care about sexuality more than a person’s actions (a slap to Westboro Baptists) with no personal reasons for it other than his conscience. He is sweet and kind but can also be awe-inspiring and ruthless against his enemies. Has immense power but tries to use it to help people, even in small acts of service which takes down the idea that abilities are only useful if they’re out beating up bad guys over doing what you can no matter how small.

And I refuse to ignore Sam because he is not going to be demoted to a cheerleader for Destiel. Sam is kind, passionate, and endures immense hardships and is just as valid as Dean or Cas. He is his own powerhouse and while I’m certain that he supports his brother being happy and healthy in any relationship that Dean might choose, he shouldn’t be ignored or downsized as a character to make way for a new romance plot which will inevitably happen because guys, this is tv land. It always happens.

Meg. Megstiel was actually canon. Yet, during the same time that people were still trying to make it Destiel. Meg was literally making out with Cas and it was not one-sided. I have seen more romance - proper, healthy romance, mind you - and positive character development between these two than between Dean and Cas. Castiel would compliment her poetically and she had her pet-name for him and would fuss over him and cared for him when Dean didn’t because the Winchesters had their own problems to deal with.

^^^ Related to this but Destiel shippers have actually stolen a lot from Megstiel which is just messed up. The Pizza Man was based on Megstiel. The idea of having a “unicorn” is from Megstiel. Could you please use your own cliche’s in your fanfics and headcanons??? You can’t think of any that you have on your own?? That’s messed up. If you can’t write a story without stealing a competing ship’s motifs to pass as your own, you probably shouldn’t be writing and should be researching your own dang ship instead.

Dean and Castiel’s relationship would be toxic, in case you didn’t notice. It very nearly is right now. Cas is not and never will be Dean’s top priority. He’s still a priority for sure, but he’s not Sam. A healthy relationship has either each other on equal standing whether their first priority is each other or God. Goals, real-time emotions, or anything else too changeable are easily toppled. The reason Dean and Lisa worked out for a year was because Sam was not an option for Dean to prioritize anymore but the second he came back, the relationship started (sadly) to fall apart and Dean lost that stability. Unless Sam is also Cas’ #1 priority, their relationship is going to capsize faster than the Titanic without interference from Balthazar.

Not to mention, when Dean is stressed about losing Sam/failing the world/problems, he dishes out on Castiel. Cas is a strange character in that he is so old and has so much knowledge but he’s simultaneously like a child for the first several seasons because he’s missing so much social development. Two emotionally unbalanced factors in a relationship either balance each other out perfectly or they go up like a nuclear reactor. Sometimes it’s immediate and other times it builds up, but Dean and Cas initially clash and still clash on many major decisions. They don’t balance each other, they make the other alarmed by their unpredictability and recklessness.

Dean does care about Cas, but he’s not used to him or expressing concern to anyone beyond Sam, John, and Bobby. He’s bad at expressing negative feelings in an okay way. I’m not going to be the anti-shipper who paints Dean as some kind of abusive monster cause I love Dean and they twist him out of context too, but Dean has said some hurtful things and failed on the supportive front for Cas several times because Cas is not his main priority. Similarly, Cas has shown no interest in becoming a human, he enjoys human interaction and helping humans. He’s not some Ariel out to be ‘part of our world’ and S12 had him taking up Joshua on the deal to allow him back into Heaven. They have their own goals and those goals do not align in a way that gives room for a relationship. In short, their relationship will hurt each other, not support each other.

The fact that other characters refer to them as a couple is obsolete. If anyone has ever referred to you and someone else you know as an item, you understand that other people’s feelings on your emotions do not create a relationship, your individual feelings do. So that is not ‘proof’.

Something I want to point out to the fandom:

These are like the 3 most aggresively sexualized moments that the fandom has to work with when it comes to hardcore shipping over fluff. Usually these images are followed by fics of making out passionately after these moments. Fans have turned these moments into ‘magical’ events that scream UST and drama.

But I need you to understand something so listen up.

In each of these moments... DEAN IS FREAKING TERRIFIED. 

#1 +2. Castiel warning Dean to show him respect... because he brought Dean out of Hell and could throw him back in and Dean at this point is most definitely not close to coping with the trauma of those 40 years. He’s threatening him with his biggest trigger right here.

How Romantic. Sparks are flying, guys.

#3. Castiel is literally beating up Dean in an alleyway while yelling at him that he’s being selfish and weak and ignoring Cas’ sacrifices. By the end of this, Dean believes that Cas is just going to kill him.    Awwwwww...

#4. The angels have just been exposed at villians and Dean has yelled at Cas to make a decision. Several hours later, Cas appears and slams Dean into the wall and Dean is completely lost and alarmed by this and is unaware of what side Cas has chosen until after a moment of waiting for something to happen.

All of these moments have Dean afraid and/or believing that he is probably going to die. STOP TRYING TO TURN FEAR INTO AROUSAL. That is some serious rape-culture logic and it is messed up. It’s not “kinky”, it’s not “sexy”, it’s fear. If you can’t tell the difference, go see a psychologist.

Okay. Moving past that, the fandom has a lot of issues to deal with when it comes to context and character intent. Most of the scenes ‘supporting’ Destiel are regular pictures taken at a moment with 0 context provided. Others are gifs where something else is actually going on but it looks flirty when there aren’t words so it goes. Most shippers will also confess to not being very big Destiel shippers before they got into the fanfic because it changes their perspective and makes them look for a notice things that aren’t meant to be that way. I read some Bela/Dean stories and found myself shipping them for a while when I used to be die-hard Lisa or Jo.

Also worth mentioning: The argument of Cas being a “multi-dimensional wavelength of celestial intent and therefore isn’t really gay so there’s not a problem” is a double-edged sword with the fact that Castiel has never been with anyone not female (or even human btw it was a reaper and almost Hannah and Meg), but you’re also backspacing over the idea that if it was canon it would be a gay ship so... there goes the side opting for LGBTQA representation...what is your goal with that?

I don’t ship it because I’m tired of great characters being simplified, of great relationships being ignored, of made-up images and quotes being spread as though they were true, of looking up Supernatural and being hit by a wave of Destiel headcanons, of people insulting my favorite actors for both refusing to approve of the relationship and for trying not to shut down the relationship, of the level of tin-hatting required to insist that a character is bi because of the color shirt that they wear, and for people tagging every post - no matter how unrelated - as “Destiel”, I’m sick of it all. 

Spamming is the biggest reasons for Anti-Destiel blogs. Tagging everything with your ship name makes anyone who doesn’t ship it want to scream and hate you. This is not how you gain support.

I’m personally just very sick of feeling like I’m not really a part of this fandom because I don’t ship Destiel. But a lot of fans don’t. A lot of fans aren’t on tumblr, they don’t read your fanfic, they don’t consider Cas and Dean to be a couple, they just watch and like the show. That’s kinda what being a fan is. Making everything on Supernatural about Destiel is how you lose support for the show and the fandom.

Shipping despite this is fine. You want to, go for it. It won’t change the show that I enjoy, but please remember that not everyone will ship what you ship and spamming them or harassing them is pointless and rude.