#confusing everyone on my dash by posting in a foreign language LET'S GO

[vigilant-cleric]

@offurandfeathers

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Le crâne serré comme un étau, la gorge brûlante comme lors d'une traversée du désert, Ashen aurait presque pu croire à une nuit d'hédonisme invétéré si ce n'était son peu d'attrait pour l'alcool et, surtout, le sentiment d'anxiété qui lui serrait la cage thoracique. Même les soirées les plus déchaînées des patriarches de Baldur's Gate ne l'auraient pas emmené à l'autre bout de Faerûn, il le savait. Et il n'en était d'ailleurs pas coutumier.

Mais son refus de s'impliquer dans la politique locale et son impartialité digne d'Helm en faisaient justement la proie parfaite pour les cultistes de l'Absolu. Si un des prêtres les plus dignes de confiance de la ville, manipulé par un parasite, incitait les citoyens balduriens à se convertir à un nouveau dieu, qui oserait le contredire ?

Malheureusement, le cleric n'était pas au courant de ce qui s'était tramé derrière son dos. Pour le moment, sa priorité était de trouver un endroit qui pouvait garantir une certaine sécurité en dehors des chemins mal fréquentés. Malgré sa carrière militaire, il ne restait qu'un seul homme, bien peu pour faire face à plus de deux ennemis.

Pour une fois, la chance l'avait frappé. Il n'avait pas seulement trouvé un tel endroit - le bosquet des druides - mais il était aussi rempli de figures familières, d'Elturiens comme lui. Et pas des moindres ; l'un d'eux était son ancien commandant des Hellriders, Zevlor en personne. Il ne l'avait pas vu depuis des années. Pire encore, il le pensait porté disparu à Avernus, tombé sous les coups des cambions et autres progénitures infernales. Leur lien, ancien et invincible, avait suffi pour que Zevlor donne l'ordre d'ouvrir les portes pour laisser passer Ashen.

C'est par ce même tiefling qu'il apprit qu'il y avait au sein du bosquet un célèbre et altruiste guérisseur du nom d'Halsin qui pourrait peut-être l'aider avec sa délicate situation. C'était presque inespéré. Encore un peu et Ashen pourrait presque croire que son chemin de retour à la maison serait tout tracé et sans embûche.

L'autorisation de déranger le druide lui fut exceptionnellement donnée, peut-être dans l'espoir que le fait que le cleric lui doive une faveur le conduise à rester un peu plus longtemps au bosquet pour mettre ses armes à profit contre la menace des gobelins.

Se faisant le plus discret possible, Ashen s'introduit au sein du sanctuaire des druides. Il découvrit qu'il n'était pas très difficile de trouver l'ami de Zevlor ; il était imposant comme un ours des montagnes, un fait tout à fait exceptionnel pour un elfe. L'humain inclina la tête, fermant son poing pour reproduire le signe d'Helm.

"Druide Halsin, puisse le Grand Gardien vous accorder sa vigilance. J'ai été conduit ici par Zevlor, mon ancien commandant à l'armée. Il m'a dit que vous pourriez peut-être m'aider."

En enlevant son casque pour paraître moins belliqueux, bien qu'il y ait peu de chance que sa petite taille puisse intimider le druide, Ashen prit une grande inspiration, cherchant ses mots avec précaution.

"Je m'appelle Ashen. Je suis prêtre au Tabernacle de Baldur's Gate. Je m'y rendais il y a quelques jours, et tout ce qui s'est passé après ça est un trou noir dans ma mémoire. Je me suis réveillé au beau milieu de nulle part avec un mal de tête perçant. Je ne sais pas ce qui m'est arrivé. Ma connexion avec les Dieux est altérée. Je sens que ce n'est ni la fatigue, ni un abus de boisson..."

Il se passa une main dans les cheveux, comme pour essayer de soulager sa migraine. Un effort vain.

"Je sais que ce n'est pas beaucoup d'éléments, mais je n'en ai pas plus. Les seuls qui pourraient m'en vouloir sont les soldats de Zariel, et ils ont abandonné ma chasse il y a bien des années. Mon mal n'est pas d'origine infernale, j'en suis certain."

[theholykook-blog]

The Bangtan Boys (BTS x Gang)

Hey guys! Long time no POST! Well a while ago I wrote this, and here it is! My Bangtan x GTA, gangsta scenario thingy, please enjoy! Maybe I’ll continue? Ummmm....Request, yeah I take those but they take a while lol....

   He pressed his eraser to his lips. Teeth grinding on the sponge like substance as small dough-ish chunks came off. Time ticked in his head, oh how it ticked loud. There would be only six minutes till the sound of freedom freed him, but even that wasn't enough. Everything around him seemed blurred. He hardly knew where he was at, why he was here, what anyone was saying.

As his subconscious took over, his eyes grew droopy.

Five minutes.

This was a fight he believed he could win. A mental fight. Shaking himself slightly, he blinked. All he had to do was focus, and yet... It was just too hard?

"Jungkook." A voice called to the brown eyed boy as he shook his head in shock from finally being pulled out of his boring conscious.

"Y-yes." He stutters in an attempt to make it seem as if he were paying attention. People take notice at the boys obvious obliviousness and chuckle.

"Jungkook, can you answer this last problem?" The woman who could be reaching her mid fifties question the lost boy who was one point five seconds from la-la land.

He looked at the board. His eye registering nothing but gibberish. It was literally like a foreign language to him.

As the woman waits impatiently, he blanks out.

He sits there and listens, once again, to time clicking.

"Jungkook..." The woman presses. You can clearly hear the emphasis of annoyance she was putting on his name, but he ignored it.

The once confused boy turned from being perplexed to being cocky, the mischievous grin growing on his face.

"Ms...." He taunts with the same tone giving a small smile at the end when he sees the lady's eyebrow twitch.

"Jeon Jungkook if you don't answer this--!" The sudden lecture the young boy was in danger of receiving was postponed by the sound of the bell.

Cockily he got up, giving out a small yet cunning smile. "Sorry Ms, but better luck next time." He winks at the end slinging his backpack over his shoulders.

Before anymore could be said or done he swiftly dashed out the class, dodging a few kids and making his way out of school.

Yes, school. The substitute for juvenile detention. Something he would probably later be in.

And who was he? Well....

"Jungkook!" His name would be called from his friends in the parked car blasting the loud music.

The smirk that plastered on his face would turn into a big grin as he walked from the school curve to the road.

Jeon Jungkook; a young high school boy, who was more close to being a criminal than being anything "fundamental". Robbery may have been the only true crime he got his hands dirty in; but drug dealing, prostitution, and even the work hours of the police. You needed it, he knew it and had it. The streets were his homeland, and this was sadly the only life he truly knew.

But this story didn't solely just base off of this young Hooligan. Nope, there were six more.

Jungkook leaned into the cars' passenger side grinning at the two people who he would claim to be his brothers.

"Ah, so they actually let you two hold the car?" He joked as the one who'd been seated in the passenger seat frowned.

"Honestly, I can't believe it either. I mean I understand letting ME drive, but they really insisted on letting Taehyung steer." The orange haired boy complained.

"Uh, Jimin last I checked I actually HAVE a license?" The driver who's hair was a soft brown smirked.

"A forged licenses?" Jimin cocked his eyebrow staring at him accusingly.

Kim Taehyung; the one who's face could fool a thousand people. He had such an innocent aura, but boy was he reckless. Rules weren't his thing, and if he wasn't forging anything that needed "legal permission", then he was dealing at your local corner. The face that so many people would trial not guilty was the same face that would go out every night and do something very guilty.

Taehyung shoved the boys arm cracking a smile out of him, while Taehyung's deep voice laughed. "You're one to talk. At least I'm not beating the shit out of someone for THEIR license."

Park Jimin; your very own gang leader, or at least he might as well be. Although he wasn't the pure brains of their mini group, he surely was the strength. Logical-legal ways weren't his way of thinking, but if you told him the gang from two blocks down were coming with thirty men and guns, he'd definitely have a devised plan on escaping or even DEFEATING them all. Although he wasn't the most patient, Jimin had a sweet side with ladies. It was just his thing. But the boiling blood in him could never be tamed, and that's just who he was.

Jungkook rolled his eyes at the two before opening the door to the backseat. Nothing more was on his mind than getting to their house, and getting into some trouble.

As Taehyung starts the car, Jimin would turn around in his seat. "So how was school darling~" He said in an overly motherly tone.

Jungkook rolled his eyes playing along. "Well mother today was a jolly good day, even though I didn't learn jack shit. I also managed to not get sent to the principal for once." He stated as if it were the biggest accomplishment in the world.

Jimin nodded approvingly, "And your grades?" He continued the act.

"All Ds'." Jungkook stats with an award-winning smile, and that's when Jimin finally breaks his character, turning around and entering a laughing fit

"Man, why don't you just drop out?" Taehyung questions, eyeing him from the rear view mirror.

Jungkook opens his mouth to respond, but quickly closes it. Frowning his eyebrows he thought to himself, why was he still in school?

His teachers didn't care for him? His principal didn't care for him? His parents didn't care for him? So what would he have to lose?

Maybe it was because they hadn't kicked him out yet, maybe somewhere deep down inside he felt that he could probably make something of himself, but then again maybe that was all just a lie.

"Hmmm...Not really sure, guess I just wanna give my school hell." He joked only causing his friends to roll their eyes. "Speaking of Hell. Jimin, don't you have a date tonight?" Jungkook inquires, making Jimin turn in his seat again.

"How does a date and Hell correlate?" He asked the youngest confused. Jungkook and Taehyung simultaneously begin to cackle, and now Jimin is pushed even more into the world of perplexity.

"Jimin...Jimin, Jimin, Jimin," Taehyung shakes his head as what he is about to say is just extremely humorous to them. "You my friend are not just going on a date with any girl. You're going on a date with Lean's girl." Taehyung laughs again, stopping the car at a red light and looking at his buddy.

The joke clicks in Jimin's head and he slides a grin of pleasure. "You guys are over exaggerating."

"We won't be when you're dead," Jungkook snorts, "Twenty says his date ends with him running all the way home from Lean and his gang."

Taehyung shook his head, "Thirty says he runs home from Lean and his gang WITH Lean's girl."

Jimin clicked his tongue before huffing, "Fifty says this date goes fine. I mean it's not like me and her suddenly just got together out of random. Her and I've been talking for a while. She hates Lean, and is ready to leave him. She just needs a bit more time." He shrugs.

Both Jungkook and Taehyung let out a groan.

"Here we go again," Jungkook starts

"Love struck Jimin." Taehyung finishes.

The light turns green and Taehyung presses on the gas again, now zooming home. The conversation however wasn't entirely over.

It wasn't until Taehyung was speeding down familiar streets, then parking into one particular lot. Jimin snapped.

"What the hell does that mean?!" He asked agitated.

Taehyung and Jungkook had gotten out of the car, and looked at Jimin with puzzlement.

"What are you talking about?" The second youngest would question locking the car, and heading into the lobby to their penthouse.

Yes, no matter how out of control the boys may seemed, they enjoyed luxury.

Walking through the lobby Taehyung throws a wink to the building assistant making her blush as he continues to the elevator. Jimin rolls his eyes as Taehyung steps into the elevator.

"The whole 'love struck Jimin' shit?" He reminded entering as well.

Being reminded causes Taehyung to chuckle again, but he doesn't yet reply. He allows the three of them to travel up the 30 levels in silence.

Jimin being annoyed looked to Jungkook, who only presses his lips together silencing his entertainment.

When the elevator stops at the 30th floor, they're given a small buzz insisting they needed a security card in order for the elevator to open.

Taehyung took his card from his pocket and injects it into the "Insert Card Here" area located next to the elevator buttons. Once buzzed in, the elevator door opens.

The chaotic noises of boys playing video games would erupt, and all three of the boys would feel the safety of home.

Taehyung heads to living room, dropping his eyes on one of the hallways tables nearby, and takes a seat. Still ignoring Jimin's question.

Jimin, however, stands in front of Taehyung. "What does it mean, Tae." He glares.

Taehyung takes a moment of silence thinking it over, before he sighs.

"Jimin. This is Lean and ALANA! They've been together since lord knows when. Do you really think she's gonna leave him for you?" Taehyung snickers.

Lean and Alana; a troublesome duo. Of course Lean made all the money, Lean did the killing, and Lean would be considered the boss. However, everyone knew Alana was really in control. Lean was wrapped around her pinky finger. Their relationship was toxic, almost dangerous, yet so many admired it. Alana a young, small, pale skinned, firey red hair and soft lips girl managed to capture the heart of a almost psychotic man. As much as she tried to run away, she'd always run back. Their love was tainted, but who would really tell them that?

"What are we talking about?" One of the guys who had himself spiraled out on their black sofa playing their gaming console perks in.

"Jimin and Alana." Jungkook answers walking out from the kitchen with a bag of chips in his hand. He plops himself next to Taehyung on their second sofa and continues, "They have a date tonight." He informs.

This is when the other boy laying along the floor of the sofa jumps in, he had also been playing the console as well, but he pauses it to look at Jimin. "You haven't dumped her yet?"

Jimin puts his hands on his hips staring at his friends in shock. "No sorry, Jin, I'm not like you." He pressed on his friends name, and is only given an eye-roll in return.

"The hell does that mean?" Jin asks eyebrows scrunched.

Instead of Jimin responding it was the one from the couch who responded. "It means that he can't pick up girls for one night, smash, and then leave."

Kim SeokJin; No, he's not related to Taehyung. But boy would Taehyung be lucky if he was. The man was a walking bank. The only one to be working at a successful, LEGAL, paying job. Hell he was the only reason his friends could afford living in this penthouse. Jin was a business man, almost reaching his mid-twenties but not fully their yet, his marketings were spiraling out of control. He owned three hotels, and had his own four, soon to be five star restaurant. But even thought he was successfully making dough, he too found himself whisked into the life of crime. Although he didn't deal drugs, or dabble in the sea of prostitution. He did get into a lot of gang fights, and almost every business rival of his knew this. It was this reason that no one ever really messed with him. They knew he wasn't afraid to pop someone in their jaw, or even worse KILL someone. But unlike Jimin, his soft spot for ladies always lasted one night. He was beyond rich. Chicks just didn't hold his att ention, unless he needed...attention.

Jin rolled his eyes, "Well, had I gotten myself tied down like this fool, I probably would've been scammed by a woman long time ago, and none of would be living here." He grins thinking back to all the women who attempted to get with him just for his money.

"Who is we? I probably make the exact same income as you." The guy from the couch spoke confidently.

"Hoseok... Your living is robbing." Jungkook clarified.

"And I only rob the best." He corrects.

Jung Hoseok; a the thief of thieves. Like Jungkook the streets were his true callings, but boy did he have sticky fingers. Anything he liked, he stole, anything he wanted, he stole. He was the literal definition of "I get what I want." Yet, no matter how much he stole, he was truly an innocent kind young man. He had just a few morals, and being able to provide and keep his friends safe was his main one.

Everyone, except a frustrated Jimin, laughs. "Watch y'all are gonna see when I have the finest girl in our town, all over me." He finally shrugs.

All the guys go silent before again, Laughing.

"So twenty says his night ends with him running from Lean's men?" Jin bets.

"I already said that." Jungkook chuckles, before Jimin storms off.

They'll see.

The night would start with Jimin taking one of their more expensive cars out of the parking lot. Although he wasn't dressed in anything more than black ripped jeans, black boots, and his black bape jacket. He did want to at least make her feel special driving in a special car.

He would then drive to their meet up location, a small McDonald's not so far from Lean'a house, and he'd pick her up from there. She'd be wearing a red short dress that just curved out her body in all the right places, causing Jimin to be anxious to make her officially his.

Small chat in the car would end, when Jimin pulls up at a three star restaurant almost across town, ya know for safety purposes.

After checking in reservation and Jimin following behind her like a lovesick puppy they would now find themselves seated in a restaurant, waiting for their meals to arrive.

"So how long have you known your friends?" Alana questions her brown eyes staring curiously.

Jimin frowns having to think, since it has been a long time. "Well there is Taehyung, who I told you about, I think we've probably known each other the longest. Like we go all the way back to young school days. Then there's Namjoon who introduced us to Jin when we were in our second to last year of high school, and then comes along Hoseok, Jungkook, and Yoongi... So all in all... A solid 6 years? But damn does it feel longer." He smiles to himself at the end.

No matter how much his friends would tease him, no matter how mean they may have seemed. Jimin truly loved them. For each of them they were all the other had. None of them truly had real blooded family to fall back on. And if they did, they didn't want to.

Jungkook's parents were to busy scolding him on why he wasn't like his brother that they pushed him away. Jin's family never believed in his dream to become a chef yet only when his restaurant started to get booked by A-List celebrities did they suddenly know the meaning behind "family".

Taehyung was probably the closest to his family, but he wasn't foolish enough to show it. Not only was he living a life of crime and money, but he was living a life that he had to continuously watch his back. All of them were. And it was for that they would limit there family interactions, and keep themselves close as a family.

"Hmmm....That's cute," Alana states causing Jimin to blush feeling embarrassed that he even showed off his soft state. "But, I think you could do more without them." She declares, and it was at this moment Jimin recalls the video of Kermit the frog falling out the window, and his world pauses.

"What?" Jimin tries to play amused, but the fact that this girl who he only knew for three weeks even attempted to judge what he could do WITHOUT his friends bugged him.

"I'm just saying. Lean used to be like you. Up his buddies asses all the time. It was truly sad. It wasn't until he got with me that he discovered what life was really about. But even now he's still screwed up my ass." She laughs softly shaking her head.

"That's nice and all, but I'm not Lean. And my friends aren't Lean's friends. Whatever type of fucked up manipulative shit you did to Lean, you're not gonna do to ME." Jimin explains simply.

At first Alana is shocked he even talked to her like that, but after a few seconds she finds herself smirking. "And it's this reason I'm here with you. Not a lot of people, especially men, talk to me like that. And something tells me...I kinda like it." Her tone was low and seductive.

Ah, Jimin's weakness.

Whatever annoyance he had for her, slowly got pushed away as the anxiousness in his pants grew.

"Uh-oh, seems like I have to go to the bathroom." Alana winks giving signals that just couldn't be ignored.

She gets up from the table, purposely over swaying her hips, and walking off.

Jimin gives a twenty count distances between them, before he too gets up from the table.

Pushing through the crowded restaurant, he only can guess where Alana has gone off too.

Just as he expects she's pushed up against the bathroom hallway. Looking at Jimin with lust filled eyes. Jimin can't help but give the same look in return.

Just as he's about to walk over to her though, she grins escaping through the backdoor.

"Hm, playing hard to get nice." He says to himself as he follows her.

Leaving out the backdoor he freezes now in a wide alleyway, but that wasn't the true problem.

Alana was standing there smirking, right beside her Lean, and twenty other big dudes.

"Fuck." Jimin hisses.

"Fuck is right." Lean walks over to him and without any hesitation punches him straight in the gut.

The force applied was way more than Jimin expected causing him to wheeze.

"Did you really think you could just take my girl out on luxurious dates?" This time it was a knee to the stomach.

"Like I wouldn't know?" He yanked Jimin up to look at him in the eye, slamming him against a wall. "My little flower there only played along. You have no idea how much I've been waiting for a chance to take you out. You, Jimin, the brutally notorious fighter. Doesn't really look so great to me." He laughs mockingly in Jimin's face, and his other guys laugh along.

The anger begins to boil in Jimin's body. The one thing that always made Jimin strong was that when he was truly angry whatever pain he was going through disappeared.

And it was in this moment the pain in Jimin's gut was gone.

"We'll see about that." Jimin snorts, and before Lean can even process that Jimin is no longer groaning in pain, Jimin pushes him off.

Everyone watches in amazement, as Jimin begins to start his perky boxer bounce. Lean now even more angry goes to take a swing at Jimin's face, but the young fighter only dodges it swiftly ducking, and taking two quick jabs forward. One making contacts to his ribs, the other his right cheek. Lean again tries to swing, but Jimin steps aside avoiding the out stretched arm, and grabbing it.

"You wanna see how brutal I can get?" Jimin's voice darkens, and before Lean can attempt to pull back, or say something.

Jimin brings his knee up into Lean'a elbow and then forcefully down, snapping his right arm.

There was a howl of unbelievable pain, a scream so painful that even Jimin cringed for a moment, but fully recovered.

Lean's men along with Alana were no angry.

"KILL HIM!" Alana screams tearing up from the second hand pain she was feeling from her man.

All twenty of Lean's men block any chance of Jimin exiting out of the Alley. Jimin looks around, he knew for certain he couldn't fight this battle. There were a few escape routes but he'd have to be beyond careful because one mistake and he was dead. He could climb the gate behind him, but he knew he wasn't quick enough. He could climb the stair railing attached to walls on the left of them, but he knew those railings weren't strong enough and one shake, they'd break.

He could probably take down seven at least of his men, but even then he'd still get beat to death.

Taking shallow breaths he smiled to himself. This would be the end for Jimin.

As the first man launched forward and Jimin dodged it, he would remember the great times he had with his friends.

Oh, how he wished he had listened.

Fighting three guys at once, he did a behind kick before ramming two of them into each other knocking them out cold.

There was so much he had yet done with his friends, and the only true part that saddened him was that he'd never be able to say goodbye.

Twisting around another guys arm, and throwing him into two more people, there was a sudden whistle.

Everyone froze as the gates behind Jimin rattled. Jumping down, behind him Jimin expected it was just more of Lean's men. But when a soft hand touched his shoulder, he looked acrossed to see none other than Yoongi.

Min Yoongi; crazy. The only word to describe him. Although he may have seemed calm and collected he was easy to  make explode, and seeing that liquor was his favorite solution never made anything better. He was someone who really wasn't afraid of death though, he didn't hesitate to pull a trigger. And it was why he was too was also one of the most respected names on the street.

"I'm pretty sure we watched long enough." He chortled, and the sound of more jumping the gate could be heard.

"Ah you we wouldn't let you have this much fun without us." Taehyung steps in gleefully.

Jimin is only amazed as all six of his friends are here. "You guys knew?"

"Yeah, it was Namjoon who found out first." Taehyung pointed to the more tallish member amongst them who held back a grin.

Kim Namjoon; Best friend of Jin, and his right man. He was the brains of the group: smart, analytical, and quick. The truly leader without even needed to be named the leader. It was with his smarts that he was able to be known as the second and soon to be first wealthiest drug-lords in the world. Although most police knew him as wanted, many turned an eye. He was a charming businessman, making him a charming MONEY maker.

"I found out after one week of your relationship. We just wanted to see how long it would last." Namjoon laughs.

Jimin shakes his head in disbelief.

"I could've died." He states

"That's why we're here." Yoongi counters, "Now which one of you fuckers wanna go?" He beams at the probably fifteen guys standing.

There are no words until fists start colliding.

Jungkook and Hoseok are fighting back to back, dodging their opponents and then turning around and knocking out each other's.

Jin is shifting past punches, only laughing when he catches a fist in his hand and twist the wrist.

Yoongi is going ape shit, punching anyone in sight. There is no satisfaction he can hold back as the feeling of his knuckles collide with someone else's skin.

All of the boys are taking on someone while also paving a path through, the alley.

Just when they believe everyone is taken care of and Alana stands in complete shock in front of Lean's black car.

About two more trucks pull up.

The boys, now out of breathe, and let out small groans.

"You think we can fight them?" Jungkook asks his friends, and they all look over to the boy exhausted.

They don't even need to speak to already know what happens next. Turning the boys get into running positions.

"It's Friday man, why did this have to happen on a Friday." Hoseok complains, causing Jimin to laugh.

"I have homework too..." Jungkook's words really gets a kick out of everyone. They let out breathless laughs, knowing he isn't going to do his homework.

"Last one home is dead?" Namjoon jokes.

"That WOULD be funny," and just as Jimin is about to point out the obvious, there is yelling of angry men behind them. "If it wasn't true!" Jimin shouts being the first, and not last to take off running down the empty dark street.

Fuck the cars they originally took here, they had money to replace them. At this moment it was about survive, and even though they were across town, and being chased by an army of angry, murderous men. It didn't stop the smiles and laughter that took over their faces.

Bangtan Boys; Also referred to as BTS. Soon to be the most dangerous and young gang, there is to known in these streets. Seven wild boys who don't understand the term "chill". There name would shortly be known by the police, triggered by the adults, hated by other gangs, but swooned over by the ladies. They would be the boys who put true meaning into you only live one. As hard as life started for them they managed to make the best of it, together. But even all good things come to an end, right? This isn't just a story about a notorious gang of insane young boys. Rather just the beginning to a gang who would soon be known as successful, wild brothers.

[writingguide003-blog]

Three Writing Rules to Disregard

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Three Writing Rules to Disregard

I have nothing against rules. They’re indispensable when playing Monopoly or gin rummy, and their observance can go a long way toward improving a ride on the subway. The rule of law? Big fan.

The English language, though, is not so easily ruled and regulated. It developed without codification, sucking up new constructions and vocabulary every time some foreigner set foot on the British Isles—­to say nothing of the mischief we Americans have wreaked on it these last few centuries—­and continues to evolve anarchically. It has, to my great dismay, no enforceable laws, much less someone to enforce the laws it doesn’t have.

Certain prose rules are essentially inarguable—­that a sentence’s subject and its verb should agree in number, for instance. Or that in a “not only x but y” construction, the x and the y must be parallel elements. Why? I suppose because they’re firmly entrenched, because no one cares to argue with them, and because they aid us in using our words to their preeminent purpose: to communicate clearly with our readers. Let’s call these reasons the Four C’s, shall we? Convention. Consensus. Clarity. Comprehension.

Also simply because, I swear to you, a well-­constructed sentence sounds better. Literally sounds better. One of the best ways to determine whether your prose is well ­constructed is to read it aloud. A sentence that can’t be readily voiced is a sentence that likely needs to be rewritten.

A good sentence, I find myself saying frequently, is one that the reader can follow from beginning to end, no matter how long it is, without having to double back in confusion because the writer misused or omitted a key piece of punctuation, chose a vague or misleading pronoun, or in some other way engaged in inadvertent misdirection. (If you want to puzzle your reader, that’s your own business.)

As much as I like a good rule, I’m an enthusiastic subscriber to the notion of “rules are meant to be broken”—­once you’ve learned them, I hasten to add.

But let’s, right now, attend to a few of what I think of as the Great Nonrules of the English Language. You’ve encountered all of these; likely you were taught them in school. I’d like you to free yourself of them. They’re not helping you; all they’re doing is clogging your brain and inciting you to look self-­consciously over your own shoulder as you write, which is as psychically painful as it is physically impossible. And once you’ve done that, once you’ve gotten rid of them, hopefully you can put your attention on vastly more important things. 

Why are they nonrules? So far as I’m concerned, because they’re largely unhelpful, pointlessly constricting, feckless, and useless. Also because they’re generally of dubious origin: devised out of thin air, then passed on till they’ve gained respectable solidity and, ultimately, have ossified. Language experts far more expert than I have, over the years, done their best to debunk them, yet these made-­up strictures refuse to go away and have proven more durable than Keith Richards and Mick Jagger. Put together. Part of the problem, I must add, is that some of them were made up by ostensible and presumably well-­meaning language experts in the first place, so getting rid of them can be a bit like trying to get a dog to stop chasing its own tail.

I’ll dispatch these reasonably succinctly, with the hope that you’ll trust that I’ve done my homework and will be happy to see them go. I’m mindful of Gertrude Stein’s characterization of Ezra Pound as “a village explainer, excellent if you were a village, but if you were not, not,” and no one wants to be that guy. Also, if you persist in insisting that these nonrules are real and valid and to be hewed to, all the expert citations in the world won’t, I know through experience, change your mind one tiny little bit.

An admission: Quite a lot of what I do as a copy editor is to help writers avoid being carped at, fairly or—­and this is the part that hurts—­unfairly, by People Who Think They Know Better and Write Aggrieved Emails to Publishing Houses. Thus I tend to be a bit conservative about flouting rules that may be a bit dubious in their origin but, observed, ain’t hurting nobody. And though the nonrules below are particularly arrant nonsense, I warn you that, in breaking them, you’ll have a certain percentage of the reading and online-­commenting populace up your fundament to tell you you’re subliterate. Go ahead and break them anyway. It’s fun, and I’ll back you up.

1. Never Begin a Sentence with “And” or “But.”

No, do begin a sentence with “And” or “But,” if it strikes your fancy to do so. Great writers do it all the time. As do even not necessarily great writers, like the person who has, so far in this essay, done it a few times and intends to do it a lot more.

But soft, as they used to say, here comes a caveat:

An “And” or a “But” (or a “For” or an “Or” or a “However” or a “Because,” to cite four other sentence starters one is often warned against) is not always the strongest beginning for a sentence, and making a relentless habit of using any of them palls quickly. You may find that you don’t need that “And” at all. You may find that your “And” or “But” sentence might easily attach to its predecessor sentence with either a comma or a semicolon. Take a good look, and give it a good think.

Let’s test an example or two.

Francie, of course, became an outsider shunned by all because of her stench. But she had become accustomed to being lonely.

Francie, of course, became an outsider shunned by all because of her stench, but she had become accustomed to being lonely.

Which do you think Betty Smith, the author of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, chose? The former, as it happens. Had I been Smith’s copy editor, I might well have suggested the second, to make one coherent, connected thought out of two unnecessarily separated ones. Perhaps she’d have agreed, or perhaps she’d have preferred the text as she’d written it, hearing it in her head as a solemn knell. Authors do often prefer their text the way they’ve written it.

Here’s another, in two flavors:

In the hospital he should be safe, for Major Callendar would protect him, but the Major had not come, and now things were worse than ever.

In the hospital he should be safe, for Major Callendar would protect him. But the Major had not come, and now things were worse than ever.

This is E. M. Forster, in A Passage to India, and I suspect you’ll not be surprised to learn that version 2 is his. For one thing, version 1’s a bit long. More important, version 2, with that definitive period, more effectively conveys, I’d say, the sense of dashed expectations, the reversal of fortune.

These are the choices that writers make, and that copy editors observe, and this is how you build a book.

One thing to add: Writers who are not so adept at linking their sentences habitually toss in a “But” or a “However” to create the illusion that a second thought contradicts a first thought when it doesn’t do any such thing. It doesn’t work, and I’m on to you.

2. Never Split an Infinitive.

To cite the most famous split infinitive of our era—­and everyone cites this bit from the original Star Trek TV series, so zero points to me for originality—­“To boldly go where no man has gone before.”

There’s much more—­much more—­one could say on the subject, but I don’t want to write about the nineteenth-­century textual critic Henry Alford any more than you want to read about the nineteenth-­century textual critic Henry Alford, so let’s leave it at this: A split infinitive, as we generally understand the term, is a “to [verb]” construction with an adverb stuck in the middle of it. In the Star Trek example, then, an unsplit infinitive version would be “Boldly to go where no man has gone before” or “To go boldly where no man has gone before.” If either of those sounds better to you, be my guest. To me they sound as if they were translated from the Vulcan.

Otherwise, let’s skip right to Raymond Chandler. Again, as with the Star Trek phrase, everyone loves to cite Chandler on this subject, but it’s for a God damn [sic] good reason. Chandler sent this note to the editor of The Atlantic Monthly in response to the copyediting of an article he’d written:

By the way, would you convey my compliments to the purist who reads your proofs and tell him or her that I write in a sort of broken-­down patois which is something like the way a Swiss waiter talks, and that when I split an infinitive, God damn it, I split it so it will stay split.

Over and out.

3. Never End a Sentence with a Preposition.

This is the rule that invariably (and wearily) leads to a rehash of the celebrated remark by Winston Churchill that Winston Churchill, in reality, neither said nor wrote:

“This is the kind of arrant pedantry up with which I will not put.”

Let me say this about this: Ending a sentence with a preposition (as, at, by, for, from, of, etc.) isn’t always such a hot idea, mostly because a sentence should, when it can, aim for a powerful finale and not simply dribble off like an old man’s unhappy micturition. A sentence that meanders its way to a prepositional finish is often, I find, weaker than it ought to or could be.

What did you do that for?

Why did you do that?

has some snap to it.

But to tie a sentence into a strangling knot to avoid a prepositional conclusion is unhelpful and unnatural, and it’s something no good writer should attempt and no eager reader should have to contend with.

If you follow me.

Benjamin Dreyer is vice president, executive managing editor, and copy chief of Random House. He began his publishing career as a freelance proofreader and copyeditor. In 1993, he became a production editor at Random House, overseeing books by writers including Michael Chabon, Edmund Morris, Suzan-Lori Parks, Michael Pollan, Peter Straub, and Calvin Trillin. He has copyedited books by authors including E. L. Doctorow, David Ebershoff, Frank Rich, and Elizabeth Strout, as well as Let Me Tell You, a volume of previously uncollected work by Shirley Jackson. A graduate of Northwestern University, he lives in New York City.

Excerpted with permission from the new book Dreyer’s English: An Utterly Correct Guide to Clarity and Style, by Benjamin Dreyer. Published by Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York. Copyright © 2019 by Benjamin Dreyer. All rights reserved.

Source

Three Writing Rules to Disregard

[jackson38toh]

Run the gambut?

Q: I keep hearing “gambit” misused, as in “run the gambit,” which doesn’t make sense. What’s the deal with people confusing these two words?

A: Yes, “run the gambit” is on the loose, but “run the gamut” is much more popular in the Corpus of Contemporary American English, the British National Corpus, and News on the Web, a database from online newspapers and magazines.

The original idiomatic expression, “run the gamut,” which means to extend over an entire range, showed up in English nearly three centuries ago.

The earliest citation in the Oxford English Dictionary is from The Courtier, Robert Samber’s 1724 translation of a 16th-century etiquette book by the Italian writer Baldassare Castiglione:

“When they talk with any one, after a Pause, [they] renew their Discourse in such a Tone as if they were running over the Gamut.”

The next example is from Flim-Flams! (1805), a novel by Isaac D’Israeli, father of the British statesman Benjamin Disraeli:

“He runs through the whole gamut of the heart, from bass to treble.”

Those two early citations reflect the musical origins of the expression. As an etymology note at Merriam-Webster Online explains, the term comes from a musical scale developed in the 11th century by the musician and monk Guido d’Arezzo:

“Guido called the first line of his bass staff gamma and the first note in his scale ut, which meant that gamma ut was the term for a note written on the first staff line. In time, gamma ut underwent a shortening to gamut but climbed the scale of meaning. It expanded to cover all the notes of Guido’s scale, then all the notes in the range of an instrument, and, eventually, an entire range of any sort.”

The first English example for the noun “gamut” in the OED is from a treatise on counterpoint, written sometime before 1445, by the English composer Lionel Power:

“Gamut hathe 3 acordis: re, mi, sol be proprechaunt; re a 12, mi a 13, sol a 15.”

The dictionary notes that “run the gamut” has the rare musical sense of to “perform all the notes of the scale, or all the notes within the compass of a particular singer or instrument,” but adds that the usual, more expansive meaning of the expression is “to experience, display, or perform the complete range of something.”

When the word “gambit” showed up in English in the 17th century, according to the OED, it referred in chess to “a game, or sequence of moves, involving a sacrifice to launch an attack or gain some other advantage.”

When used in chess now, the dictionary says, the term usually refers to “an opening in which a player offers a sacrifice, typically of a pawn, for the sake of a compensating advantage.”

The earliest citation in the dictionary is from The Royall Game of Chesse-Play, Francis Beale’s 1656 translation of a work by the Italian chess writer Gioachino Greco: “Illustrated with almost an hundred Gambetts.”

In the mid-19th century, Oxford says, the term “gambit” took on two expanded senses: (1) a “remark intended to initiate or change the direction of a conversation” and (2) a “plan, stratagem, or ploy that is calculated to gain an advantage, esp. at the outset of a contest, negotiation, etc.”

The dictionary’s earliest citation for the first sense is from the Jan. 1, 1853, issue of Punch: “Would you think I … played Knight’s gambit, or rather opening, if I ventured the colloquial critique—‘very fine oysters!’ ”

The earliest example for the second sense is from Memoirs of the Court and Cabinet of George III (1855), by the Duke of Buckingham:

“The dashing gambit which his opponent directed, was neither evaded with caution nor defended with skill.”

As for “run the gambit,” the misuse has been around for dozens of years. The earliest example we’ve found is from Fuad: King of Egypt, a 1936 biography by the Indian author Sirdar Ikbal Ali Shah:

“Zaghlul was the popular idol, and anyone who was even faintly critical of his activities must perforce run the gambit of mob disapproval.”

And here’s a double whammy from the official record of an April 1, 1959, hearing about freight car shortages, held by a US Senate subcommittee in Kansas City, Kansas:

“All the cars that go out to my district, the main industry of which is lumber, have to run the gambit in California, or they have to run the gambit in Washington.” (The speaker, Rep. Charles O. Porter, an Oregon Democrat, addressed the Freight Car Shortage Subcommittee of the Senate Interstate and Foreign Commerce Committee.)

This excerpt from a 1947 book in the Foreign Relations of the United States series, the State Department’s official record of major American foreign policy decisions, describes Soviet policies toward the West:

“The zigs and zags have run the gambit from out and out revolutionary hostility to the Popular Front with Social Democrats during the 30’s, the pact with Hitler, Big Power unity, parliamentary ‘cooperation’ and now back to anti-parliamentary, anti-imperialist revolutionary hostility and noncooperation.”

We’ve found hundreds of more recent examples for “run the gambit,” including these:

“Food offerings run the gambit from Wisconsin classics like cheese curds and pretzel sticks to salmon and sirloin” (from the Aug 10, 2017, issue of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel).

“Let’s run the gambit of possible outcomes, which not surprisingly range from ‘everyone dies’ to “everyone dies’ ” (from a Jan. 20, 2017, item on Huffington Post).

“They also run the gambit as far as really good guys” (from a May 23, 2016, post on the website of Entertainment Weekly).

“Villa options run the gambit from deluxe pads to rustic fincas” (from the July, 18, 2015, issue of the Guardian).

“Wedding flowers are an expression of individual taste and run the gambit from lush exotics to simple handmade arrangements” (from the Feb. 15, 2015, Hartford Courant).

“The Forest Service has closed 886,000 acres of forests to the public because of the infiltration of pot growers, who run the gambit from ‘flower children” caught in a ’60s time warp to dangerous organized criminals” (from the Nov. 2, 1988, Christian Science Monitor).

Garner’s Modern English Usage (4th ed.) says, “Misusing gambit for gamut is an increasingly common malapropism,” but Bryan A. Garner, the author, lists it at only the lowest stage in his five-stage language-change index.

The term “malapropism” refers to the unintentionally comic misuse of a word, especially by confusing it with a similar-sounding one. The misuse of “gambit” for “gamut” may also be called an “eggcorn,” mistaking a word or phrase for a similar-sounding one.

In Origins of the Specious, our book about language myths and misunderstandings, we discuss malapropisms and eggcorns, as well as spoonerisms and mondegreens, two other kinds of language bloopers. A 2011 post on our blog includes an excerpt from Origins about such misuses.

A 2005 entry by the linguist Ben Zimmer on the Eggcorn Database cites “run the gambit” and includes several more examples.

The database also has a 2005 contribution by the linguist Arnold Zwicky on the variation “run the gamete.” A “gamete” (1878) is a male or female reproductive cell.

Interestingly, “run the gamete” is almost as popular as “run the gambit” in general online searches, and one of the examples we’ve found even uses the expression correctly:

“Hotels run the gamete” is a Nov. 3, 2005, headline in USA Today about Caribbean procreation vacations that include romantic dinners, spa treatments, and island potions said to increase the chances of a pregnancy.

Finally, here’s a comment about “run the gambit” from The American Heritage Guide to Contemporary Usage and Style:

“As is often the case with idioms, the original meanings of the words composing them can be lost, obscured, or confused. In this case, the uncommon word gamut is sometimes confused with the word gambit.”

Although the term “gambit” has expanded significantly from its original chess usage, American Heritage concludes, “the phrase run the gambit is a mistake.” We’ll add that “run the gamete” is too, despite that procreative exception.

Help support the Grammarphobia Blog with your donation. And check out our books about the English language.

from Blog – Grammarphobia https://www.grammarphobia.com/blog/2017/09/gambut.html

[ber39james]

How to Troll-proof Your Writing

You’ve just read an interesting article online. It covered a subject you’re passionate about, so you dash off a brilliant comment. It begins:

Your right about most of your assessments, but I think you missed the big picture.

You go on to write a carefully-worded paragraph, and you’re certain everyone who reads it will be dazzled by your brilliant insights. And then the first reply to your comment rolls in and it’s simply:

*You’re

You’ve inadvertently tossed out some troll bait, and you’ve captured the attention of a grammar troll. It doesn’t matter whether that mistake was a typo or a momentary lapse; you’ve been publicly corrected in a way that undermines your intelligent response and maybe even implies you’re not as smart as you think you are.

//giphy.com/embed/11n2eNMDaFrYIM

via GIPHY

Is it possible to troll-proof your online writing? Grammar checkers help, of course, but careful proofreading before you hit send is always the best way to sidestep embarrassing gaffes. Here’s how to avoid throwing chum into the murky online waters and keep those bottom-feeding trolls where they belong.

Mind your apostrophes

How can one little punctuation mark cause so much trouble? Apostrophes trip up even the most seasoned writers from time to time. Examine your comments before you post them to make certain you’ve used the correct form of your/you’re or its/it’s.

Also remember that apostrophes show possession; they don’t make words plural. Here’s an apostrophe primer in case you need a refresher.

Don’t post no any double negatives

A subject-predicate construction should have only one negative form in standard English. You’ve probably bristled at statements like “I don’t have nothing better to do.” That’s because the speaker used a double negative, pairing don’t with nothing. The standard usage would be: “I don’t have anything better to do.”

//giphy.com/embed/gneZ4T3yM22VW

via GIPHY

Many double negatives are obvious, and they sound wrong (or at least colloquial) when we hear them. Although some double negatives are part of our casual vernacular, if you use one while trying to eloquently communicate a point in an online discussion, steel yourself for potential backlash. Ain’t you got no learnin’?

Use “literally” with care

If you comment with “I literally died when he said that!” don’t be surprised if a troll comes calling to let you know that, unless you’re typing from beyond the grave, you meant “figuratively.”

//giphy.com/embed/5yUU0rSqawdyM

via GIPHY

Beware then/than and loose/lose

Just one little typo can give a grammar troll a raison d’etre. If you write then when you mean than or loose when you mean lose, stand back—Trolly McTrollface can’t be far behind.

Avoid nonstandard English

Yes, irregardless is a word, but you’re unlikely to get away with using it in an online conversation, or even a face-to-face conversation with a grammar pedant. Seventy-four percent of those who responded to a Grammarly survey expressed the opinion that irregardless is an abomination. Don’t expect a grammar troll to forgive the nonstandard usage.

Be careful with homonyms . . .

To, too, and two don’t mean the same thing. Expect any grammar troll lurking in the bushes to pounce on a mistake like “Maybe he ate to many tacos for lunch” by letting you know that you should have written too, instead. There, their, and they’re are similar troll bait when used incorrectly.

. . . and other commonly confused words

There’s a reason many language resources contain lists of commonly confused words—they trip us up on the regular. Be on the alert for similar words with related but distinct meanings, such as lesser/fewer, affect/effect, further/farther, and among/between.

Know whether it’s lay or lie

True story: I was once laughed at for telling my dog to “go lie down.” We’re so accustomed to using the wrong word in this instance that the correct one sounds foreign. But sleeping dogs do indeed lie, not lay.

Lie means to recline and lay means to place. And then there are different verb tenses, and . . . well, it gets a bit complicated. But grammar trolls are likely to know the difference, so here’s a guide to tackling the lay vs. lie challenge.

Don’t feed the trolls

If you do post a mistake, and you attract the attention of a grammar troll, don’t sweat it. Trolls feed on chaos, so the best thing you can do is deprive them of what they crave. Here’s an example of superb troll wrangling:

You: Your right about most of your assessments, but I think you missed the big picture.

Trolly McTrollface: *You’re

You: Whoops! Nice catch.

//giphy.com/embed/l0ExoCm0L5Jzd7nDW

via GIPHY

The post How to Troll-proof Your Writing appeared first on Grammarly Blog.

from Grammarly Blog https://www.grammarly.com/blog/grammar-troll-proof-writing/

[arthur36domingo]

How to Troll-proof Your Writing

You’ve just read an interesting article online. It covered a subject you’re passionate about, so you dash off a brilliant comment. It begins:

Your right about most of your assessments, but I think you missed the big picture.

You go on to write a carefully-worded paragraph, and you’re certain everyone who reads it will be dazzled by your brilliant insights. And then the first reply to your comment rolls in and it’s simply:

*You’re

You’ve inadvertently tossed out some troll bait, and you’ve captured the attention of a grammar troll. It doesn’t matter whether that mistake was a typo or a momentary lapse; you’ve been publicly corrected in a way that undermines your intelligent response and maybe even implies you’re not as smart as you think you are.

//giphy.com/embed/11n2eNMDaFrYIM

via GIPHY

Is it possible to troll-proof your online writing? Grammar checkers help, of course, but careful proofreading before you hit send is always the best way to sidestep embarrassing gaffes. Here’s how to avoid throwing chum into the murky online waters and keep those bottom-feeding trolls where they belong.

Mind your apostrophes

How can one little punctuation mark cause so much trouble? Apostrophes trip up even the most seasoned writers from time to time. Examine your comments before you post them to make certain you’ve used the correct form of your/you’re or its/it’s.

Also remember that apostrophes show possession; they don’t make words plural. Here’s an apostrophe primer in case you need a refresher.

Don’t post no any double negatives

A subject-predicate construction should have only one negative form in standard English. You’ve probably bristled at statements like “I don’t have nothing better to do.” That’s because the speaker used a double negative, pairing don’t with nothing. The standard usage would be: “I don’t have anything better to do.”

//giphy.com/embed/gneZ4T3yM22VW

via GIPHY

Many double negatives are obvious, and they sound wrong (or at least colloquial) when we hear them. Although some double negatives are part of our casual vernacular, if you use one while trying to eloquently communicate a point in an online discussion, steel yourself for potential backlash. Ain’t you got no learnin’?

Use “literally” with care

If you comment with “I literally died when he said that!” don’t be surprised if a troll comes calling to let you know that, unless you’re typing from beyond the grave, you meant “figuratively.”

//giphy.com/embed/5yUU0rSqawdyM

via GIPHY

Beware then/than and loose/lose

Just one little typo can give a grammar troll a raison d’etre. If you write then when you mean than or loose when you mean lose, stand back—Trolly McTrollface can’t be far behind.

Avoid nonstandard English

Yes, irregardless is a word, but you’re unlikely to get away with using it in an online conversation, or even a face-to-face conversation with a grammar pedant. Seventy-four percent of those who responded to a Grammarly survey expressed the opinion that irregardless is an abomination. Don’t expect a grammar troll to forgive the nonstandard usage.

Be careful with homonyms . . .

To, too, and two don’t mean the same thing. Expect any grammar troll lurking in the bushes to pounce on a mistake like “Maybe he ate to many tacos for lunch” by letting you know that you should have written too, instead. There, their, and they’re are similar troll bait when used incorrectly.

. . . and other commonly confused words

There’s a reason many language resources contain lists of commonly confused words—they trip us up on the regular. Be on the alert for similar words with related but distinct meanings, such as lesser/fewer, affect/effect, further/farther, and among/between.

Know whether it’s lay or lie

True story: I was once laughed at for telling my dog to “go lie down.” We’re so accustomed to using the wrong word in this instance that the correct one sounds foreign. But sleeping dogs do indeed lie, not lay.

Lie means to recline and lay means to place. And then there are different verb tenses, and . . . well, it gets a bit complicated. But grammar trolls are likely to know the difference, so here’s a guide to tackling the lay vs. lie challenge.

Don’t feed the trolls

If you do post a mistake, and you attract the attention of a grammar troll, don’t sweat it. Trolls feed on chaos, so the best thing you can do is deprive them of what they crave. Here’s an example of superb troll wrangling:

You: Your right about most of your assessments, but I think you missed the big picture.

Trolly McTrollface: *You’re

You: Whoops! Nice catch.

//giphy.com/embed/l0ExoCm0L5Jzd7nDW

via GIPHY

The post How to Troll-proof Your Writing appeared first on Grammarly Blog.

from Grammarly Blog https://www.grammarly.com/blog/grammar-troll-proof-writing/