#completely forgot to post this the other day oops

[silvertsundere]

Okita under a sakura by のんえる! 🌸

[johnslittlespoon]

Buck + Bucky Timeline Info

For fic writers or just curious readers!

Referencing different archives and articles, I've done my best to compile John and Gale's Air Force timeline pre–England, because I feel like a lot of it gets muddied and sometimes we wanna write pre–MOTA canon events lol. Hope it comes in handy!

They meet (on or around) March 29, 1940 and become Flying Cadets at Randolph Field in Texas until August 30, 1940.

Still Flying Cadets, they move to Kelly Field in San Antonio, Texas from September 9, 1940 to November 14, 1940.

Both promoted to 2nd Lieutenant Air Corp Reserve on Nov 15, 1940. A bit unsure on the events before their next promotion, because Gale seems to have gone to Barksdale Army Air Field in LA in March of 1941 for advanced flying school, but haven't found anything on whether John went too; I'm assuming he did.

Both promoted to 1st Lieutenant, Air Corp on April 25, 1942. Not clear on whether this took place in LA or back in Texas or elsewhere.

Became instructors for the 29th Bombardment Group at McDill Air Force Field in Tampa, Florida on May 25, 1942.

Promoted to Captain and transferred to Gowan Field, Boise Idaho, but possibly at different times? All I can find is that by October they were both for sure there, but Gale was promoted to Captain on July 28, 1942 and transferred then, and John was promoted to Captain in August of 1942, but it doesn't specify when he transferred.

At Gowan Field in October of 1942, Gale was promoted to Commanding Officer for the 350th Bomb Squadron/100th Bomb Group, and John was promoted to Operations Officer for the 100th Bomb Group.

Transferred to Walla Walla Army Air Field in Washington in November of 1942.

Transferred to Wendover Army Air Field in Utah in December of 1942.

Both promoted to Majors in Sioux City, Iowa in January of 1943.

Transferred to Kearny, Nebraska (assuming to Kearney Air Force Base) in February of 1943. Cue P1 of MOTA!

In May of 1943, John traveled with an advance party to Podington, England to prepare the base for the 100th Bomb Group. On May 27 1943, Gale (with the 100th) left for Bangor, Maine. From there, he flew out across the Atlantic and arrived at Thorpe Abbotts on June 9 1943. And we know what happens from then on. :-)

If any of this is incorrect or you have extra information to add to the timeline, please let me know!! I wouldn't be surprised if I've missed things, but this is how their flight school/pre–England timeline went to the best of my knowledge. Hopefully this is helpful for some other writers too! I can throw together a timeline for their missions/events during MOTA as well if that's something anyone's interested in; it's easy enough to find mission dates in comparison to finding these pre–100th dates, but it might be nice to have them all in one place. x

[saketoge]

tagged by @lee-minhoe for the monthly receiptify 🖤

tagging (if u want!): @ambivartence @onmywayv @minchanz @shorelinnes @wooobinz @snug-gyu

[just-jordie-things]

K so like its night time and y/n is cuddling with megumi and yuji barges in and sees them both and is like “You’re cuddling with megumi are you guys dating?! :O” then the next day everyone is just asking you “aRe YoU rEaLlY dAtInG mEgUmI???” By the way i love your posts❤️

megumi is just so perfect for secret dating bc he would beg you to keep your relationship a secret, like, right off the bat. like before you're even official- probably before he's even confessed.

omg.

megumi coming to you in a panic and it worries you bc you don't often see him stressed and the boy looks like he's about to pop a blood vessel and you're being so sweet to him meanwhile he's grabbing you by the hands and making you swear to not speak a word of this to yuji or nobara- and definitely not gojo. poor confused you are like "ok sure but what are you talking about??" oops megumi forgot about the part where he's supposed to tell you how much he likes you and thinks that you should give him a chance at making you happy- but we all know that goes well because you're literally in love with him already adlhgkajflkgh

and for a while you're pretty good at sneaking around, because it's sort of fun actually. every secret look or note passed has your heart racing and you wouldn't have it any other way, as long as you have each other.

but after a few months the two of you get fully settled with one another and you start to slip up. with megumi pulling your chair out for you or holding the door for you but not the others, you start to get a few questioning looks. and you might have called him megs in front of the others one time- he might not forgive you for that one because now everyone calls him that to get on his nerves... oops.

it's not like either of you are trying to get caught, you both enjoy the benefits of dating in secret so much, you don't necessarily want to give that up. the others will definitely berate and interrogate you one day for keeping your relationship a secret for so long, but... it's just so nice.

"maybe we tell them when we graduate?" you hum, trying to brainstorm with your boyfriend to find the proper way to break the news.

megumi's chest rumbles under your cheek when he groans. if it were up to him, no one would ever know. surely he could have a successful relationship with you that way, right? it's been easy enough to cover it up so far, surely you could elope and build a life together in secret as well? shit, would gojo take it personally if he didn't tell him he was getting married? suddenly his mind is swarming with what a secret private wedding would look like, meanwhile you're laying against him in sielnce waiting for his response.

"megs..?" you call softly, trying to draw him out of his thoughts.

"maybe we fake our deaths. relocate. how's italy sound?"

you chuckle, tilting your head back to peer up at him.

"you're afraid of gojo, aren't you?" you hum knowingly. megumi glances down at you briefly, looking away as soon as you wiggle your eyebrows. you chuckle again.

"i'd be open to other places, too" he continues his thought.

"i think we should just rip it off like a bandaid," you ignore his getaway plan. "tell them we're together and have been all year. then if they have questions-"

"i'm not answering their questions" his voice is a mere whisper, as not to disturb the calming atmosphere you've created, but his words are final. you tap your finger against his chest a few times.

"i'll answer the questions then, you can just... stand there"

"do i even have to be there?"

"i don't think they'll believe me if you aren't" you giggle at the idea of trying to convince them that yes that stoic moody boy is actually a complete romantic towards you and you never thought a love like yours could be possible.

"are you saying our friends don't think i'm boyfriend material?" he asks, and you know he's baiting you, but you're honest with him anyways.

"that's exactly what i'm saying," you say, grinning up at him despite the scowl of fake hurt on his face. "but i know otherwise"

"fine. we'll tell them. and then you can answer the questions. and i'll... be there. for emotional support"

you giggle some more, tucking yourself further against him while he stares at the ceiling in despair. he already knows all of the questions your friends are going to ask and he can't help but dread them in advance. still, it will be nothing compared to the interrogation he'll surely receive from his guardian, later, when you aren't around to protect him (and his dignity)

"it'll be nice to be able to just say we're going on a date instead of you faking to be sick and me pretending i'm on an assignment. sneaking around was fun and all but..." you trail off, and megumi averts his gaze from the plain ceiling, peeking down at you where you nuzzle into the soft fabric of his sweatshirt. he knows you're going to fall asleep on him, because you always do, but he doesn't mind. even if it makes his arm fall asleep. "i don't want to hide how much i love you anymore"

and then his escape plan sounds silly when you put it like that. so he hugs you tighter against him as you start to drift off- he can tell as your head feels a little heavier against his collar- and he brushes his lips over the crown of your head.

"i love you too, sweetheart," he murmurs. "we'll tell them as soon as you want"

he just wasn't expecting the moment to be ruined by his door slamming open and your friends inviting themselves in, only to be shocked at the scene they interrupted.

queue the noisy accusations and questions. megumi tries not to say i told you so as you tiredly sit up and rub your eyes so you can answer all of your friends' curiosities, while he pulls the blanket over his head and tries to pretend he wasn't there.

of course he doesn't want to hide that he loves you... but for fucks' sake do they have to do this here and now????

[honeyshiddendesire]

Virgin! Doflamingo Headcanon

Pairing: YANDERE VIRGIN! Doflamingo x Female Reader

Warnings: YANDERE DOFFY! loss of virginity! Vaginal penetration! Fingering! Dirty talk/teasing! Pussy drunk Doffy! mating press! Oral sex (male and female receiving)! Public sex! Misuse of d.f. Powers! Doffy with a Praise kink (fight me on this lol!) 

*Author's Note: An idea that popped in my head while chatting with my friends on discord that I finallllyyy got around to posting lol*

*banner*

VirginDoffy! Who was so focused on murder and overtaking the whole world that he completely forgot about sex all together…well forgot is a strong word more like it just never interested him. Sex wasn’t something that was in the forefront of his brain, murder and destruction, power, things like that. 

VirginDoffy! Who enjoyed stringing women up and fingering them till his heart was content, using them more like puppets to hear their cries but finishing the job never interested him. Well not with the women in Dressrosa or other kingdoms yet. 

VirginDoffy! Who was sitting on his throne one day when it suddenly dawned on him that he’s never actually sunk his cock into a woman before. Usually getting bored rather quickly before he ever actually fucked them. That all changed when he saw you one day strolling along in the streets of Dressrosa. 

VirginDoffy! Who you can’t tell me wouldn’t be a total yandere following you around the city, not talking to you yet but silently observing your every move. Having a woman peg his interest in this way was new afterall so he’d literally become a stalker. You wouldn’t notice him at all but everyone else around you would. 

VirginDoffy! Who would pay attention to your everyday routine and how you always get a morning tea or coffee with your favorite muffin. Going early to pay your tab in full for the next month leaving you in total shock but he was left more stunned when you still went out of your way to leave a tip. WHICH! Made him go back and tip for the next month as well hoping you’d get the hint to save your money.

Paying attention to how you eyeballed all the fancy dress shops and shoe stores with longing in your eye before sighing and going to the bargain shop on the far side of town. 

VirginDoffy! Who literally follows you home and goes back when you’re not there to rummage through your things finding out who you are and what size you are instead of just holding a conversation with you. 

VirginDoffy! Who goes back to all the stores you stop at and buys you all the prettiest dresses and shoes that you tend to stare at from the window. Leaving them at your door with flowers and a card that tells you to meet him at one of the best restaurants in the entire kingdom.

You think it’s a secret admirer and smile as you pick up the beautiful dress and twirl in your room with excitement. Getting all dolled up wearing the gifts you head out toward the meeting spot with a big smile on your face, glossy lips dropping in shock when you finally step inside the extravagant place. “Right this way your table is waiting for you.” The host says with a bow as he takes your shawl and leads you to the far back with a reserved sign, close to the stage where a live orchestra was playing Sad Romance by Thao Nguyen Xanh. It was one of your favorites and you sat down in your seat totally mesmerized barely noticing when Doflamingo came up behind you. 

“Is it all to your liking?” He asks, catching you off guard with a little gasp that makes him smirks. “Oops~” Doflamingo chuckles as he circles the table taking his seat. Your glossy lips catch his attention as they’re parted slightly in shock at seeing none other than Doflamingo himself. “Y-yes it’s all amazing. I just…” 

Raising a brow as he takes a sip of his wine that the waiter quickly poured upon his arrival, “Wasn’t expecting me?” He questions and you simply nod, making him grin. “What can I say…you’ve caught the eye of a King.” 

VirginDoffy! Who asks you tons of questions while wining and dining you, noticing how nervous you are and tending to ramble because of it. A trait he found oddly endearing. Simply giving you little hums and nods of acknowledgment as you ate. 

VirginDoffy! Who asks you to dance as the violin and pianist continue to play. His hands and eyes roaming all over your body in the tight fitting dress, his actions making your breath hitch and body heat up. Doflamingo’s hands are already holding you with a possessive touch that makes you practically melt in his grasp, eyes staring in awe up at him. 

VirginDoffy! Who despite never having sex he can tell by the look in your eye that he has you completely trapped in his sinister web, one that you’ll never escape from once he’s had you. 

VirginDoffy! Who’s hands slowly trail down your back to your ass as he leans down to whisper in your ear, “Would you like to accompany a King back to his chambers?” The question makes you shiver as you whisper back a shaky ‘yes’. Quickly leading you out of the restaurant after that and into his limo where he wastes no time crashing his lips to yours. 

Your hands wrapping around him to scratch at his scalp, tongue swirling around his in a clumsy kiss. You thought it was all the wine but little did you know the true reason behind his bewildered state. Doflamingo was groaning into your mouth as he pulled you into his lap, the smell of the perfume he purchased you was loud in the close proximity and it made his head spin. The strong floral, sweet scent smelled so enchanting on your skin that he couldn’t help but groan as he trailed sloppy kisses down your neck making you whimper. 

“Um…sir…we’re here.” The driver nervously interrupts and gets a glare of Doflamingo and a loud ‘out’ that makes him scurry away leaving the both of you alone. “Ah~” You moaned out as you felt Doflamingo grind into your hips, feeling his rather huge bulge through both of your clothes. 

VirginDoffy! Who’s so enraptured by pleasure and your scent that you literally have to tap his shoulder to get his attention. “D-Doflamingo~ Can…can we go to your room?” You whine as he continues making your head spin with each kiss that travels lower towards the valley of your breast, his large hands gripping your ass. Hearing your request and seeing the look of lust on your face only has him grin as he kisses at your jaw. 

VirginDoffy! Who can’t help but warn you of what was to come. “You know once I have you in my room I can’t ensure that you’ll be leaving anytime soon.” His grin only grows as you tell him you understand, greedy lips finding your own at the sound of your equal eagerness. “Oh my poor dove~ you don’t even realize the cage that you’ve flown yourself into.”

VirginDoffy! Who leads your heaving form to his room, your hair and gloss already a mess just from an intense makeout session. 

VirginDoffy! Who once in his luxurious room wastes not even a second to literally rip your dress off you. Pushing you down on his large plush bed making you squeal in shock at how quickly he spreads your legs. Kissing up from your legs, long fingers running along the sparkly heels that adorned your feet as he spread your legs more into a vulnerable position. 

“Already soaking this pathetic lace you’re wearing.” Doflamingo chuckles against your thighs, nipping the skin before sucking marks into your plush thighs. Trailing up slowly before using one of his hands to push your panties to the side before diving in to take a long lick at your cunt. 

VirginDoffy! Who has zero skills at eating your cunt but wasn’t stupid and knew to listen to every little reaction that you made. Any hitch in your breath, moan or whimper you let out only fueled the large man’s ego to dive further into your cunt. Long tongue working wonders to fuck into your sopping wet hole, circling around making your back arch as he sloppily kisses your aching clit. “AH~ Dof~Holy shit!” You cry out barely able to moan out his name as he sucks on the sensitive bud harder. 

VirginDoffy! Who’s hands literally can’t keep still. Running up and down all over your body, squeezing and groping your tits to run down your waist to pinch and claw at your thighs before moving back up with hunger. His tongue never gets enough of your taste and only eats your pussy with more fire in his chest. Never understanding how he hasn’t done this before when you sounded so sweet in his strong grasp. 

VirginDoffy! Who was starstruck when he finally started to sink his long fingers deep in your dripping pussy, tongue never letting up on your clit even as you pulled at his blonde hair. “Do~ah~Dof-fuck~!” His name dragged into a curse from your lips that had him grin wickedly, tongue flicking your bundle of nerves to drive you insane.

 “Oh fuckfuckfuck I’m gonna cum~ Doffy shit! How are you so good at this?” Your moaned out question has him pulling back with a sinister laugh as he also wonders the same thing considering he’s never done this before. Doflamingo’s greedy eyes looking down to where your wet pussy is swallowing two long fingers of his, your hands gripping the sheets beside your head. Your legs were trembling, heels digging into the plush blankets as you thrashed around. Screams only turning to a loud shriek as he curled them into that spot that made you gush, his brow raising at the magnificent sight. 

VirginDoffy! Who can’t help but lean back down, licking you completely clean with a luscious moan at the taste of you. Pulling down his pants to hungrily crawl up your body kissing your skin up along the way making you breathe heavier. 

VirginDoffy! Who is way too big for his own good and once he's dipping his long cock inside you needs you to literally beg him to stop or he'll keep going. Drunk on the feel of you wrapping around him until your nails are drawing blood from scratching at his chest so hard. 

“Shitshitshit too much too~ fucking much! Dammit just wait!” You cry out not even aware of how much blood you drew from the man, eyes blurry from tears. His body shivering at the pleasure wrapped around his cock and the stinging pain of your nails. Doflamingo’s breath is coming out in huffs as he leans down to suck marks on your neck, his fingers clawing at the sheets for some type of self control to stay still but it only lasts so long. “I’m not a man with much patience.” He’ll tell you, making you whimper as you feel him grind into you. 

Sucker punching the air out of you as he rocks into you with unskilled hips, is cock so big it did all the work for him. Doflamingo went on pure instincts and pleasure, kissing your body and stringing your legs up to stay wide open for him. Long cock pounding into you until you scream out his name for the whole kingdom to hear.

VirginDoffy! Who immediately grows addicted when you cum around his cock, needing to feel it over and over again. Your pussy gushing around his cock as he pumps you over and over full of his seed. 

VirginDoffy! Who mentally wishes he traps you forever with his child so you never leave the man. Your slumped form lay on his bed alongside with him both breathing heavy as his mind raced with thoughts of what to do with you the next round when he has gathered the energy again. Now that he’s had you don’t think you’ll be able to run. Like a bird you’ll be forever caged to quench his ever growing lust.

“Don’t think you’ll be able to leave me now my dear. It seems I’ve grown quite obsessed.”

[cheolhub]

happy cheolhub day sar!!! 🎉🫶🏽the banner for your bday post is so cuteee i love the colors! i might be too late for the bday bash, but if i’m not can i ask for “as much as i'd love to have you choking on me, i'm impatient and there's something else i want more” + joshua, please? 💗

7:15 p.m. — joshua hong

prompt. “as much as i'd love to have you choking on me, i'm impatient and there's something else i want more.”

wc. ~1.9k

warnings. slight exhibitionism, lots of teasing, bathroom sex (bathroom belongs to cheol oops), mirror sex, needy joshua <3, reader is a menace, dirty talk, pet names [baby], unprotected sex, creampie [MINORS DNI 18+]

note. hi cherry!! thank you lots <333 i kinda… pulled this out of my ass so forgive me if you hate it lol >< as always, this was not proofread so if any of u see a mistake, pls ignore it

event closed

there are many things you love and appreciate about joshua hong. he’s caring, for one, willing to bend over backwards just to see you smile. he also just so happens to be one of the funniest men you’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, and while he is a menace 99.9% of the time, you can’t imagine not having him by your side. 

and, well, you can be a bit of a menace yourself. 

if there’s one particular thing you love the most about joshua, though, it’s his ability to be completely and utterly patient in almost every situation. he’s always cool, calm, collected– for the most part– and he knows how to wait for the things he wants till the right time comes. (read: things he wants being you) 

and you wish you could say the same about yourself, but you’re not even the slightest bit patient. to you, waiting is pointless and essentially time-consuming. screw “good things come to those who wait.”

nonetheless, you love this trait of his because you thoroughly enjoy testing him and watching his patient resolve crumble with your every action. especially in public. especially at your weekly movie nights in seungcheol’s house.

“stop,” he hisses, swatting your hand away from his thigh. “i already told you, you can have whatever you want when we get home.”

a faux pout etches into your lips, you quietly whine out, “but josh… i want it now.”

“no.” he says sternly, turning back to the movie. technicolor flashes over his face as something happens on the screen. he wish he knew what the plot of this flashy movie was, but all he can think about is how you’re silently begging for his dick right next to him even though a handful of his best friends sit on the floor in front of the two of you. 

you scoot closer to him, lightly ghosting your lips against the underside of his jaw, trailing up to his ear. “please, baby… i miss your cock.” you whisper. “wanna taste. i can’t wait, been needing it all night.”

your hand presses down onto his covered cock, palming him through his shorts. you pant, breath fanning against his ear causing a shiver to run down his spine. 

you nearly salivate as you feel him harden under you, your mouth craving the weight of his cock on your tongue. it’s obvious his patience is wearing thin because his protests have stopped and he’s become much more compliant. 

“josh,” you bring your voice just above a whisper. “please, i’ll do anything to have you in my mouth right now.”

his hand wraps around your wrist, roughly pulling you away from his aching hard on. he leans in close to you, whispering, “go wait for me in the bathroom upstairs.”

you don’t think you’ve ever moved faster, nodding your head before detaching yourself from his side. you quietly step around the boys on the floor with hushed, “sorry’s” and “excuse me’s” in reply to their grumbles. 

“where’s Y/N going?” seungcheol asks, turning back to look at joshua with a raised brow. 

the lie slips out of his mouth so easily, “ah, she had to call her boss. something about a file she forgot to turn in. i’ll go check on her if she’s not back in a bit.” when seungcheol nods, turning his head back to the television screen where the other eyes are, he lets out a silent breath of relief.

a few minutes pass with joshua twiddling his thumb, cock throbbing in his pants knowing you’re waiting for him just a few steps away. he finally stands, stepping away whispering a ‘be right back’ to which seungcheol and jeonghan mumble in response, too engrossed in the stupid movie to care about what the two of you are doing anymore.

he walks up the steep flight of stairs and into the guest bathroom where you’re sitting on the wide expanse of seungcheol’s countertop, gnawing on your bottom lip and swinging your legs back and forth. your head snaps up to see your boyfriend with a stony expression striding over to you. 

“you’re such a fucking tease,” he murmurs, hands immediately finding purchase on your waist. “putting your hands all over me in someone else’s home, are you that desperate? couldn’t wait an hour till we got home?”

you nod your head, lips spreading into a cheeky grin, “i’m always desperate for you, joshie.” 

your words come across as taunting, but you are beyond desperate for him. the heat pooling in the pit of your tummy and the puddle forming in your panties tells you so. 

“menace.” he scoffs, squeezing the clothed skin beneath his large hands. 

“you’re one to talk.” you flash a toothy grin at him, hoping off the counter and onto your feet. “now, let me suck you off before they realize we’re both missing.” 

joshua hooks a hand under your arm, halting your attempt to drop to your knees. he leans in, voice low as his breath fans against your face. “as much as i'd love to have you choking on me, i'm impatient and there's something else i want more.”

your own breath gets caught in your throat, “josh–” you try, but you don’t get to say what you want before joshua spins you around and bends you over the counter, your heated cheek flush against the contrastingly cool quartz.

a whine bubbles in your chest when his hands pull your shorts and panties down in a single go. the chilly air hitting your pulsing heat has another sound slipping your lips, louder and clearly audible.

“shhh, you don’t want them to come up here and find you taking my cock, do you?” he mumbles, pulling his length out of his shorts and dragging the tip through your drenched folds. you gasp at the contact and he chuckles, “actually, that might be exactly what you want, huh?”

“josh…” you pant exasperated, wiggling your ass before him. “please, just fuck me.”

joshua feels his length pulse in his hand at the breathless version of his name, brain short circuiting at how pretty it sounds on your lips. every remaining ounce of patience withers away to nothing and he’s aligning himself with your drooling hole, pushing himself inside of you. he grunts softly, lodging his bottom lip between his teeth to prevent the likes of a needy moan from exiting his mouth. 

your eyes screw shut and your mouth cracks open to let out the quietest mewl. joshua has always had a knack for gently fucking and stretching you open, but when he’s like this? at his wits end, worked up beyond belief, and undeniably needy for release? he’s near animalistic– forcing his cock into you in one go and gripping at your supple skin so tight that it leaves evidence of the action. an absolute force to be reckoned with. 

but despite joshua’s rough gestures at this very moment, he’s very glad you decided to test his patience tonight because he honestly didn’t realize how badly he needed this till he bottomed out in your slick, tight pussy. nothing beats the feeling of your cunt struggling to the shape of his cock even though he’s fucked you a thousand times. 

he throws his head back as he pulls out completely before shoving himself back into you, his tip nestling at your hilt for a few seconds.

“baby, you’re gonna be the death of me.” he says breathlessly, actively trying not to make a sound. when you clamp tightly around him, he delivers a sharp thrust into the spot that has your eyes rolling. “you’re fucking evil.” he grunts, his bruising grip on your waist unrelenting. 

your palms lay flat against the counter and you use the remainder of your strength to push yourself up to look at him in the mirror’s reflection. “you love it,” you manage to respond, albeit in a strangled voice. 

a lazy grin forms on his face, “you’re right. i fucking love it.” he agrees. he slams into you with more vigor, cock pistoning in and out of you. “i love it when you fucking test me.” he mindlessly admits. 

you bring one hand to clamp over your hand, leaving the other pressed against the counter to keep you up. you muffle the moans that grow louder with every thrust, but some of them inevitably spill out anyway.

it’s music to joshua’s ears. he’s reveling in the way you moan, uncaring of how his four friends can probably hear you just downstairs. if anything, it spurs him on. he’s savoring the way your throbbing heat wraps around him, squeezing him so tight that he might bust prematurely. he’s loving every second of this and he can’t believe he almost turned the offer enticing offer down. 

tears spring to your eyes as the fiery knot in your belly tightens. joshua groans when your pussy involuntarily flutters and he gives you a knowing look through the mirror. 

“you’re close, aren’t you, baby? gonna cum all over me, yeah?” he asks hotly, words breathy and laced with slight desperation. his pride won’t let him cum before you. 

you sob into your hand, nodding your head. “joshua.” the muffled version of his name has his cock twitching and he can’t stop the guttural groan from bubbling in his chest. 

one of his hands snakes around your body till the calloused pads of his fingers find your sensitive clit. he rubs quick, yet consistent, circles into the hardened bud till your body goes taut under his. 

“that’s it. cum for me.” he coaxes gruffly. he prays that the walls aren’t paper thin because your mewls– even while the sounds are muffled by your hand– mixed with the sound of his balls slapping against your heat are positively loud.

you soak his cock in arousal, specks of white flashing in your vision before you nearly collapse. your body goes limp as joshua continues to fervently thrust into you. 

watching you cum has him twitching wildly between your spasming walls and letting out quiet, yet keen moans and groans of pleasure. 

“gonna cum inside you and you’re gonna go back out there with all of it inside of you.” he grunts, thrusts growing more and more brutal. “gonna act like nothing happened with my cum inside your insatiable little cunt, got that?”

you nod, weakly clenching around him again and giving him a pathetic whimper. 

his thrusts grow sloppy and inconsistent before he buries himself inside of you and spills his seed with a breathy moan. he pants, keeping his cock nestled in your ruined cunt till his labored breathing returns to normal. 

after a minute or so, he pulls out of you and quickly pulls your shorts and panties back up to keep his earlier promise. he tucks himself back into his shorts and smiles at your fucked out face through the mirror.

“hope that satiated you,” he says gravelly. “next time you decide to test my patience, i won’t be so nice.” 

you offer a throaty laugh, a lazy smile tugging up your lips, “i’ll be looking forward to it.”

© cheolhub — all rights reserved, please refrain from copying, reposting, modifying or translating my work on any platform.

[twig-tea]

GL odds and ends 10 November 2024

Still feeling out how regularly it makes sense to do this; first one was 2 weeks ago on 6 October, second was--oops--3 weeks ago on 20 October. If you're interested in GL older than that, check out my GL rec list through Feb 2024 and my update in July 2024. New series marked with an asterisk*.

Currently airing (with thoughts up to 10 Nov):

*The Fragrance You inherit 1/8 (Japanese, Friday/Saturday-ish, no official distribution but fansub on @isaksbestpillow's blog [thank you Siiri!] I wrote about episode 1 already, but just to keep it all in one place: this one looks great. Not really a GL, more a family drama with a lesbian at the center of the story. I'm doubtful we're going to actually get anything other than closure for the romance in this one.

Pluto ep 4/12 (Thai, Saturdays 9:30 AM EDT, YouTube) This plot continues to be absolutely wild (at this point both of them have suspected the other of being involved in attempted murder?!) but Namtan and Film stay gorgeous and serving so I am still tuned in.

Apple My Love ep 5/7 (Thai, Saturdays 11:45 AM EDT, GagaOOLala and YouTube) This show is very sweet and continues to hold up the recent Kongthup pattern of being great about things like sidestepping the most annoying drama tropes, showing great friendship dynamics including asking your friends about sex, and in this one, excellent sibling dynamics too.

The Loyal Pin ep 15/16 (Thai, Sundays 12:15 PM EDT, YouTube) Anin remains so brave. This latest episode felt a little like we rushed to the finish line, but I've really enjoyed the way this show has handled things overall to date. The show continues to enjoy faking us out in previews so I'm not going to speculate on the ending until we get it.

Red Whisper ep 7/8 (Korea, [schedule is kinda unpredictable; vaguely every 5 days??], YouTube) Oof we've graduated to actively upsetting me with the way this show has depicted nonmonogamy and bisexuality. For the record: Not all bisexuals are nonmonogamous, and entering a monogamous relationship under false pretenses and then acting like your partner is being unreasonable by not wanting an open relationship is shitty behaviour.

*The Nipple Talk 5/10 (Taiwanese, weird schedule: the first 5 dropped on Nov 8 and the last 5 will air Nov 22, GagaOOLala) I honestly owe this show a separate post, it is great! This is an ensemble show with the main character being a heterosexual woman but her two besties are a gay man and a lesbian woman, and the show follows all of them through relationship issues. There is a lot of sex, great conversations about sex, and different relationship styles from one night stand casual flings, to nonmonogamous casual regular sex partners, to long term monogamous relationships. It is very funny, fun, and charming as all hell. It's made a couple small stumbles in the first 5 episodes but I'm still enjoying it a lot. If you liked Diary of Tootsies, this is highly recommended!

Recently Completed:

Reverse 4 U 8eps (Thai, 3 Sept-22 Oct 2024, Netflix / YouTube) I did not like this finale--in the end I was sad where we ended up with this show and I hope we get to see these actors in something else. Also looking forward to more genre GL, which is in the works!

Unlock Your Love 8eps (Thai, 11 Sept-30 Oct 2024, GagaOOLala / YouTube) This show was a little slow, but it stayed cute and relatively low stakes, and the actors had excellent chemistry when they were allowed to do their thing, which was relatively often--I appreciated the amount of good kissing in this show lol. The plot meandered, and we forgot we were in a worklpace GL by the end, but I enjoyed this in spite of that.

Chaser Game W s2 8eps (Japanese, 19 Sept-7 Nov 2024, GagaOOLala) @lurkingshan is already doing a great summary of this week to week in her JQL weekly round-up, but I'll add my thoughts to the finale here. Honestly this show did not do it for me for several reasons, but the main thing this final arc did that bothered me was introduce lesbian motherhood as a serious conflict, and then seemed to suggest that homophobia only exists because queer people are not brave enough. It rubbed me the wrong way. Plus the boss who sexually harassed characters in the first season was back to sexually harass characters in the second season with no consequence. I think this show was trying to do to much and as a result it didn't feel coherent.

Recent One-offs, Side Couples, etc.:

A very short and cute Chinese GL Oh General! My General! aired on bilibili and was subtitled by @douqi7s on YouTube This short manages to speedrun training, shared bath, cheek kiss, forced separation, timeskip, and happy ending in 2 minutes

The sapphic backstory in The Hidden Moon concluded with a happy-in-the-afterlife ending

We also got more of the Aim as a Lesbian plotline in the new Love Sick 2024 remake again (this was not a plotline in the 2014 version and it's one of the changes I really like and that I think works really well; her conversation with her mother was a good scene)

The Thai lakorn The Empress of Ayodhaya had a kiss that earned very high ratings on Thai television (This show does not have international distribution so I can't cover it in any detail unfortunately)

Sastra film app YouTube channel has several short Cambodian GL series that come out weekly Honestly they are not to my taste but I don't like gatekeeping GL especially from smaller markets. I check in on these time to time and if there are any that I think are great I'll give them a shout-out

Ditto above with JPC media YouTube channel for Thai GL shorts if there are any that stand out to me I'll say so; that being said I haven't had time recently so if I've missed anything good let me know!

Starting soon:

My Ex's Wedding [in theatres in Thailand 14 November]

Mom Ped Sawan, Thai, 17 November [international distribution uncertain; it should be on VIPA app with subs, but that is region-locked]

Petrichor, Thai, 23 November, iQIYI

Mate, Thai, 26 November, WeTV

[sourcherryandsprinkles]

Chad defending you from a guy who touched his girl at halloween party. I love protective boyfriend chad!

This was in my drafts and I forgot to post it...oops

my taglists are here + you can send requests here at any time

—

Chad wasn’t the jealous type. He was protective and liked to show others that you were together in every small way possible — wearing his Blackmore hoodie on game days, having subtle matching things like shirts or jewelry, setting a cute selfie of you two as his phone background, resting his hand on a part of your body in casual intimacy —, but he never shouted at Ethan for giving you a friendly hug or sent any threatening glares at Trevor, the guy that worked with you at the library.

‘’You’re staying with me all night tonight. I’m not letting you out of my sight,’’ Chad declared as you walked to the frat house the Halloween party was at, struggling to take his eyes off you in your cowgirl costume.

Getting matching costumes was cringy according to Mindy, but you and Chad decided to ignore her. It was cute and reminded people that you were together. Quinn had helped you with your costume, letting you borrow a shirt from her closet to match with your cow print skirt and cowboy boots.

‘’I could say the same about you. You’re not even wearing a shirt! You’re flashing those abs and muscles to everyone.’’ You ran your hand over his toned chest, catching yourself smiling knowing it was all yours to touch and kiss and lick. ‘’Just last week at your game, I caught three girls gawking at you. I was wearing your jersey with your damn name on it. Was it not clear enough that you were already taken?’’

‘’Y/N’s right,’’ Tara chimed, catching up behind you in her pirate costume. ‘’Those college girls are worse than high school ones. They don’t care if a guy has a girlfriend, they’ll still flirt and try to get in their pants.’’

‘’I’m not stupid enough to fall for their shit though,’’ Chad reassured you, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you in.

You hugged him back, feeling lucky to have a faithful man.

Half an hour after arriving, Chad finally agreed to let you wander around. Although it sounded like that, you didn’t need his permission. You just wanted Chad to understand that you would be alright on your own.

‘’Don't accept drinks from anyone and don’t let your cup out of your sight. And don’t drink the punch — you never know what’s in it. So many horrible college stories start with a spiked drink at a party.’’

‘’Yes, dad,’’ you replied, pecking his lips before disappearing among the other party-ers in search of Tara. Maybe she would be down to have some shots with you?

Just two, you told yourself as Tara poured vodka into small shot glasses. Two turned into three, and then you got enrolled into a game of beer-pong with some guys from your film class. You were kicking their asses, throwing the ball skillfully into the cups.

A few meters away, Chad was looking at you proudly. His girl was bruising these guys' masculinity and it was hilarious to see their embarrassed faces. One of them had a very poor aim and knocked a cup down, causing it to spill on the floor. Amateurs.

‘’Come on, Tara, you can do it!’’ you cheered, encouraging the petite brunette.

The shots you had downed earlier were messing with her concentration, but she was determined to get the ball in the last cup.

Unfortunately, she missed.

She pouted and the guys played their turn, getting only one ball. Tara offered to take the drink and you placed yourself in position, but just as you were about to throw the ball, the fake cop put his hand on the small of your back, dangerously close to your ass, and you completely froze. He whispered something in your ear, but you didn’t hear.

All you heard was Chad’s voice when he pulled the guy off you and shoved him against the wall, snapping you out of your frozen state.

On your left, Tara gasped, not expecting such violence from her friend. ‘’Chad!’’

‘’Don’t ever touch my girl like that,’’ he hissed at the guy, the altercation getting a few people’s attention. ‘’Got it?’’

The fake cop laughed, feeling cocky. ‘’Oh, come on! We’re just having fun.’’ He glanced at you and you shifted uncomfortably in your cowgirl costume, still feeling the ghost of the guy’s hand on your ass. His mouth curled into a smirk. ‘’With a perfect little ass like hers, I couldn’t help myse—’’

Utterly disgusted, Chad didn’t let him finish his sentence — he couldn’t — and shoved his fist against the fake cop’s chest to shut him up…which only reeled him more. He shoved Chad back by the shoulders.

As much as you appreciated Chad taking your defense, the situation was escalating and unless you wanted the night to end with a broken nose — for the other guy —, you needed to stop the fight.

You stepped in and grabbed Chad’s arm before he could shove the guy another time, but before you could say anything the fake cop shoved Chad back harder, causing him to stumble back into you. He steadied himself on his feet easily enough and you grabbed the table to stop you from falling. 

Tara rushed to your side, asking if you were okay. You nodded.

''Chad, stop!'' you called to him, grabbing his arm with a stronger grip. ''This idiot is not worth your time.'' His jaw was clenched when he finally glanced at you. ''He's just looking for a fight, let's go.''

—

Scream taglist: @misfityanii @beautybyfire @iluvscream191 @mariposa555 @bella7866 @o638 @lulubelle14 @luvvtxinityy @frasersgf  @Eddiefrickenmunson @jasperr-the-friendly-ghost @ghostf4cee @thesebitcheslovesosadotcom @wandaswigglywoos @xjennyx2 @jennasslut @thatonesblog  @mikaelsonsstuff @icarly23 @tcddszn  @bt.oliana  @skyesthebomb @a1mzcruml3y @red1culous @iluurmom @popeheywardssecretgf

All and more taglist: @spiokybirdstarfish @kenqki @liidiaaag @hawkegfs  @gillybear17  @areaderinlove @acornacreacure @black-rose-29 @fudge13 @cece05 @rosie-cameron @Caxddce @laylasbunbunny @gemofthenight @beautyb1ade  @hi-bored-as-fcuk-rn  @lovelyy-moonlight @mellabella101 @vxnity713  @marzipaanz  @bisexualgirlsblog @queenofslytherin889

[measuredingold]

to be in love and to be loved

chapter five: the liars club

authors note: helllooo ! i meant to post this last night but forgot... oops ! anyways, new chapter yay ! it was fun writing this and it's mainly in noah's pov. some parts hurt me to write so sorry for any pain caused ? feelings are just hard to figure out. anyways, as always enjoy and feedback is always appreciated :)

pairing: noah sebastian x ofc x nicholas ruffilo

masterlist / cross-posted on ao3

word count: 8.6k

cw: ~kissing~, angst, feelings not being understood, someone (noah) is stubborn and emotional, some yelling during an argument, sexual identity crisis has begun lol, 18+ (minors do not interact.)

Noah wakes up the next morning confused, with a raging fucking headache, and alone. It freaks him out at first, the feeling of the cold bed sheets against his fingertips when he reaches out causing his heart rate to spike, but then he sees his bedroom door ajar. His heart slows down, only briefly, and he groans as he wipes a hand down his face. 

If he's being completely honest, he feels like he got run over about 50 times last night by a goddamn bus, and he can't even remember it. How much did he drink last night? With another groan he rolls over in his bed, face burying into the pillow next to him. He tries to sort through his mind around what exactly happened yesterday, but the only things he can remember are the moments leading up to the bar and then… nothing.

He remembers being on edge all day, freaked out of his fucking mind because he needed everything to go exactly as he planned because if it didn't he'd probably lose it. This wasn't their first show, no, but this was their first album. First time people were coming out to a show to see them specifically, excited to listen to the album they'd been anticipating for months now. He almost made himself sick at one point yesterday.

He remembers that it went way better than he ever expected. The crowd's energy was something he'd never experienced before, and there was no better feeling than having people actually sing your words back to you. He's been working at this for so long and he finally feels like this is exactly where he's supposed to be. Making music for people like him, searching for something that makes them feel like they belong. 

Then he remembers all the congratulations, the pictures, the first few shots at the bar... and that's about it.

He's sure it was just a regular night out for them - throwing back shots and enjoying each other's company - but there's this nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach telling him he's missing something important. He doesn't dwell on it for too long, thought fleeting the very second Naomi steps back into his room. 

Wet curls wrapped up in a towel on top of her head, adorn in one of his old shirts that he's sure she had stolen years ago. All warm and clean and probably smelled amazing, like lavender. One of her favorite scents. He remembers her telling him that it was a smell that brought her comfort, easing her anxiety. She shuts the door behind her quietly and he assumes it's because she thinks he's still asleep, and his assumption was correct when she turned around and yelped.

"Shit!"

Noah can't help but laugh, pressing his face further into the pillow. 

"You suck." Naomi whines out, but he can hear the smile in her voice. "I thought you were asleep."

"I just woke up." He grumbles, followed by a yawn, and flops onto his back. "I thought you were gone."

Her gaze softens as she makes her way towards the bed, and Noah waits for her to sit before throwing an arm around her waist, face burying against her thigh. He practically purrs at the feeling of her fingers immediately tangling in his hair and his eyes flutter shut. He could fall back asleep just like this.

"Why'd you think I was gone?"

"Bed was empty and cold." His voice was muffled as he pressed his face further into her thigh, wanting to be as close as possible. "Thought you left me."

"I would never." He hears Mimi hum above him, and he smiles to himself at the giggle she lets out. She scratches at his scalp again and it takes everything in him to not moan out in pleasure, the feeling having his eyes flutter shut again. 

Seriously, if it weren't the consistent pounding behind his eyes, he would've fallen back asleep already.

"Head hurts." Noah grumbles, reluctantly pulling away from her to bury his face against the pillow beside her legs. "How much did I drink last night?"

"You don't remember?" There's something behind her voice, an edge that wasn't there before, and if he wasn't battling this headache right about now he'd question it, but doesn't. 

Instead he shakes his head, sighing out, "No. I don't really remember much."

The silence that follows doesn't make the ever growing pit in his stomach ease any at all, and there's a nagging voice in the back of his mind telling him something happened and he needs to remember it now, but he's so tired. He'll try to remember later. He feels Naomi shift next to him and clear her throat, and he peeks open an eye to watch her get up off the bed.

"I'll get you some water and Ibuprofen, okay? Fix that headache of yours." She's speaking so fast, that edge still there, and it has Noah opening both of his eyes, propping himself up on his elbows.

"Okay."

His stomach drops at the smile she gives him, one that doesn't quite meet her eyes and very much strained before she slips out the door. He falls back the second it shuts, eyes trained to the ceiling. What happened last night that has Mimi acting so... weird? He tries to search through his hazy memories of the night before but nothing comes up. It's as if whatever happened was completely wiped from his memory. 

He tries telling himself that it's nothing, that he just drank way too much and maybe said something a bit out there in front of too many people and that's why Naomi is acting weird. Maybe she doesn't want to embarrass him? He knows he can say some outlandish shit when he's drinking. He covers his face with his arm, groaning quietly to himself.

Everything’s fine. It was nothing... right? 

...

Something's off.

Noah would say these last few days have been fine, great even. The response to their album was amazing, people were loving it. In hindsight, everything was literally perfect. Except... it wasn't? He couldn't exactly put a finger on it, but the uneasiness from a few days ago still lingered, making a home in the pit of his stomach.

Naomi had been acting weird still, though he thinks she seemed more on edge than anything. He assumed it was because she was leaving tomorrow, and the edge was the sadness seeping out into the real world. He tried his best to mask his own sadness, hating that he has to see her leave again, but he's telling himself that they won't go as long without seeing the other again. That'll make it easier.

Jolly seems to be normal. Nothing off balance with the Swede. He’s always been kind of odd, anyways. Folio the same way. Now that he thinks about it, those two actually seem to really be the only people he's encountered the last few days. His brows furrow as his mind thinks back to the last few days, glimpses of the interactions slipping through his mind. 

The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes the only people who truly seemed off were... Naomi and Nicholas. His stomach turns, the unease creeping through his veins when he realizes he's barely seen Nicholas at all since their album release. 

He's barely left his room, door shut at all times, and Noah tries to think of the times he's even seen the male leave. His mind races, thinking of all the possibilities on why Nicholas was being weird, barely leaving his room and speaking to anyone - especially Noah - and for some reason his mind always wanders back to the damn bar that he still can't fucking remember. 

Why can't he remember?

Something settles in his bones, something like... fear? He's not sure what he's even scared of. Maybe it was the not knowing. If he could just fucking remember what happened that night, maybe it could give him some sort of insight on what happened and why everyone is being so fucking weird and -

"Noah?" 

His eyes moved from the television, stuck on some Netflix show he definitely had not been watching to Naomi, who was standing near the couch. She looked... anxious, for better words. Face flushed, brows furrowed, lips turned down into a frown. It's as if she was in pain, but he knew she wasn't. He knew her better than he knew himself sometimes, and he knew there was something on her mind. His stomach turns painfully.

"Yeah?" He clears his throat when his voice breaks at the end, lips pursing. "What's up?"

Naomi chews on her bottom lip, hands wringing in front of her. "...Can we talk?"

Those three words punch Noah in the chest. Can we talk? That could mean so many things. So many things that scare him, that make him think oh no, something's wrong and that the worst is about to come. He's heard it so many times before in the past, he just never expected it to be from her.

"Oh." He swallows, a lump now forming in his throat and he nods. "Yeah. Of course."

She doesn't seem to spot his panic right away and he realizes maybe he's getting better at his poker face, and comes to sit next to him. She's so close, so fucking close, but Noah feels like she's never been so far away. Their legs are brushing but she feels worlds away, not even braving a glance at him. 

He's going to be fucking sick. 

Something is wrong and he doesn't know what and he swears it has something to do with that god forsaken bar he can't remember anything about. Something happened there that made her far, out of reach, and it was obviously so bad that Nicholas won't even talk to him, and... God. 

She's going to break up with him before she leaves. 

He doesn't realize he's panting until he feels Naomi's fingers wrap around his wrists, breaking him from his thoughts.

"Hey, look at me." She sounds farther away, but she's right there, and Noah slowly manages to gaze at her. "There you are. Can you breathe with me? In, out. In, out. Just like that."

He tries to match her breathing, really does, and it isn't until he feels her nails lightly scratching against the inside of his wrists that he feels himself come back to himself. His breathing is still a bit ragged, and he thinks his eyes are burning just a bit but he blinks whatever it is away. They sit in silence for a little while longer and Noah really focuses on the way her nails feel against his skin and how soothing it actually is, and her steady breathing. 

"...I'm guessing you already know what I want to talk about?" Naomi finally speaks after a few moments of bated silence.

Noah can't exactly read her, the look in her eyes something he's never seen from her before. Was it fear? He doesn't know exactly why she would be scared, but the voice in the back of his head is yelling at him because he knows what this is about. The nagging feeling, the deep pit in his tummy... this was it. He swallows away the lump building in the base of his throat, head nodding slowly. 

"You want to break up."

He says it so definitely, his stomach dropping because this is it. This is what she's doing. This is why she's been so weird the last few days because she didn't know how to do it and let him down easy. He doesn't bother looking at Naomi, instead moves his gaze on his lap because he can't bear to see her right now. See the pitying gaze she's probably giving him, her eyes indicating that yes, this is over.

"What?" 

He finally moves his gaze up to hers and pauses at how bewildered she looks, eyes wide with confusion, full lips dipping further into a frown. This almost angers him, almost, because how dare she look confused. His head tilts to the side, eyes searching her face.

"That's what this is about, right?"

"No, baby, that's..." She sighs, brows furrowing again as her head tilts to the side. "That's not even remotely close to what I wanted to talk about." 

Noah pauses again, mind racing at her words. What did she want to talk about then, if not this? He feels her hand slip to his cheek, turning his head back to face her.

"Noah," She sighs out, frowning again, "Why would you even think that?”

He doesn't know how to respond so he shrugs instead, staring at her. Naomi scoots closer to him, their legs now pressing together, and he focuses on her bare skin against his rather than her pleading eyes.

"Baby..." Another sigh follows her words. "Talk to me. What's going on in that head of yours?"

"I don't know." He eventually says, but doesn't dare to look up at her. "You've just been acting weird. Felt like I did something wrong, I don't know."

He rushes his words out, feeling his cheeks heat up at the confession. He was never good at expressing how he felt, how things bothered him. Never wanted to be a burden, too scared of the things that he may say ruining whatever he had going for him. In his time of knowing Mimi, loving Mimi, he's had to come to terms with the fact he just can't do that with her. She insists that he talk about his feelings, always telling him communication is one of her top priorities in any relationship she has - platonic and romantic. That infamous therapy talk of hers.

It was hard for Noah at first, and it still really fucking is, but he tries. He tries his hardest because he doesn't want to let her down.

"You didn't do anything wrong, baby." She's quick to respond, reaching out to place her hand on his thigh. He watches the way her fingers flex around his thigh, trying to calm down his heart that still seems to be racing. "You did nothing wrong, okay?"

"Then what's this about?" Noah doesn't stop the words from leaving him and he doesn't think twice before flicking his gaze up to hers, brown eyes round and wide. "Because when someone says they need to talk, it's usually nothing good."

He knows it's just the anxiety talking, whatever she's wanting to talk about eating at him because what the fuck could it be? If not that, then what else is there to talk about that's made her so... weird? 

"Do you remember Davis' birthday that year I couldn't go? I had to work."

He nods. "Yeah. Barely."

"Right." Naomi rolls her lips before speaking again. "Do you remember almost kissing Nick that night?"

As soon as she said it, the memory came back to him almost instantly. It was pretty shaky, the memory of Nicholas in front of him blurry, but he remembers that exact moment like it was fucking yesterday. They both drank absolutely way too much and the way Nicholas' cheeks were tinted red from the alcohol was... nice. So nice in fact Noah couldn't stop looking at him or his lips, and remembers wondering what it would be like to kiss his best friend. 

His heart pounds against his chest and he swallows down whatever lump was stuck in his throat, gazing back at Mimi.

"...Not really."

Lie. 

"Noah-"

"Okay, yes. I do. Sort of." He pauses to catch his breath, already feeling himself get worked up. "What's that have to do with anything? That was two years ago."

He hates the way she's staring at him, eyes narrowed but still gentle, as if she can see right through him, because she can. She's always been able to read him since the day they met. 

"I never knew that until you mentioned it at the bar."

His eyes widened at that. He got so drunk that night that he confessed to his girlfriend that he almost kissed their best friend? 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

"I'm sorry. It was forever ago, before we were together, it didn't mean-"

"Noah." She drops her hand from his face and holds it up, and Noah stops in the middle of his sentence, lips pressing together as he watches her. "It's okay. I don't care." 

"Oh." He feels himself sink back against the couch, relief filling his body.

Okay. Cool. She didn't care. That was good, right?

"Yeah." Naomi's voice trails and she stares off to the side, as if trying to find her next words. "Well, um. After you... mentioned that, you... Um."

Noah's eyes narrow at her. In the three years he has known Mimi, she wasn't one to stumble over her words. Usually that was his and Nicholas' jobs, stumbling through their sentences and Naomi helping them along the way.

"I... what?" His arms cross over his chest.

"You..." There was another pause and she finally looked back at him, lips pressed in a line. "We kissed."

His brows furrow. "...Okay?"

"All three of us. Kissed."

Oh.

Fuck.

Oh fuckfuckfuck.

“What?” He didn’t intend for his voice to come off so loud but he couldn’t help it, because what the actual fuck did she just say?

"We kissed."

Right. That's what he heard the first time yet it still doesn't sound fucking real. 

What does she mean they kissed? Why the fuck would that ever happen? How did it happen? Noah's gaze tears from Naomi to stare off to the side, too caught up in his own mind to even register that Naomi's gripping his hand, begging him to look at her. His chest feels heavy again, like at least ten tons of weights were just dropped on it.

We kissed. There's no way he actually kissed... no. That couldn't have happened. Noah's stomach turns. He feels hot, almost like he's going to be sick, because this didn't happen. It couldn't have happened. He would've remembered kissing his best friend... or watching his best friend kiss his girlfriend.

His face heats up at the thought.

"...Noah?"

He sucks down a deep breath to try and come back to himself,  finally looking back at Mimi. The weight on his chest lifted only slightly as their eyes met once again. He blinks.

"What?"

"Did it..." Naomi pauses and swipes her tongue over her bottom lip, and Noah can't help but follow it. "Did it mean anything?"

Noah tilts his head. "What did?"

"The almost kiss. Between you and Nicky.” 

He feels his whole-body freeze, stiffening at the implication of her words. Did it mean anything? What does it matter if it meant anything? It was years ago, back before Naomi, back before Noah knew shit about anything... back when it was just him and Nicholas. Back when the only things that meant a goddamn thing to him was his music and his best friend.

And sure, maybe there had been a time where it may have meant something to him, back when he was still learning himself, all awkward and all limbs. Back when things didn't seem to make much sense besides the fact he loved being around Nicholas, he loved his best friend. He had never really had that type of safety growing up, never felt secure, but when he was bouncing around with Nicholas, sleeping on his family's couch, in his bed, shooting the shit into the wee hours of the night with him, he remembers thinking he could live like this forever as long as it was with Nick. 

So yeah, maybe at the time it meant something. Or maybe it was the alcohol in his system that night that made him think that. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to know. 

He swallows down the lump that was beginning to form in his throat and averts his gaze from Naomi, and he misses the look she gives him. He misses the way her face drops, lips pulling down into a frown, and instead wraps his arms around his middle, curling in on himself.

It didn't mean anything.  

It couldn't mean anything. 

"No." 

It sounded like a lie. His voice wavered and he looked anywhere but Naomi, couldn't dare look at her. He felt... guilty, in a way. That even though this almost kiss was years ago, his skin prickled at the thought of it happening now and how he didn't seem to be to put off by it. His heart pounded against his chest just at the mere thought of their lips brushing and he's frozen in his spot. It happened, just a few nights ago, and he's more upset at the fact he doesn't even fucking remember it.  

Why would he even want to kiss Nicholas, anyway? Naomi was his girlfriend, sitting right next to him. She should be the only person he wants to kiss, touch. 

"...Are you sure?" 

"Of course." He spits out, then flinches because he didn't mean to sound so harsh. He gives Naomi a quick glance before letting his eyes drop again. "Why would it? Nothing even happened, anyways." 

Noah knows why. He fucking knows and it makes his stomach turn, throat close up, and he could probably throw up at any fucking second, but he chooses to ignore it, because the truth is too much. It's not like he still doesn't feel the same for Naomi, that's not it at all. She's the first person he's ever loved this hard, ever considered to be serious with, to start a life with. He knows Naomi is his endgame and has always been. 

So has Nicholas, he briefly thinks, and has to physically shake his head to put the thoughts away. 

They sit in silence for a moment, not uncomfortable, but silence nonetheless and Noah's scared to look at Naomi. Scared to find that she sees through him and his stubbornness, sees through the lies that he spits out, because he doesn't want to think about what'll come after. He can't lose Naomi and the life that they've built together, will build together. He can't lose the stableness she's brought into his life, the love she gives him when sometimes he thinks he doesn't deserve it. He can't lose his best friend - both of them. 

So, he'll continue to lie, continue to tell himself and everyone around him that it meant nothing at the time and definitely doesn't mean a goddamn thing now. 

"Noah." Naomi's voice is so soft, so gentle, he has to squeeze his eyes shut to will away the burning that it brings. "Baby, look at me." 

Her hand is on his arm now and he feels her scoot closer to him, but she's timid, keeping her space. She knows how he gets when he starts to shut down, build the walls back up around himself when things get too complicated because he hates when it starts to feel like that. He's comfortable for the first time in his life and he can't let that slip through his fingers. 

He takes a deep breath, then two, then three, and finally opens his eyes to find Naomi staring at him, brows furrowed in concern. Her hand doesn't leave him, and he relaxes ever so slightly at the feel of her thumb rubbing into his skin, trying to calm him down. Usually, she'd do the thing where she rubs at his wrists, gently scratching at the skin to bring him back down to earth like she had done earlier, but she can't with the way he has his arms wrapped around him, hands tucked away at his sides. 

"Me and Nicholas had an almost kiss, too. I told you that night but I’m assuming you don’t remember." She starts slowly and her hand moves up his arm to rest against the back of his neck, fingers digging into his skin gently to rub out any tension there. It was helping. "We didn't, though, because of you." 

"Me?" He perks up at that, but for some reason his chest aches, heart pounding again.  

Why did they stop because of him? Why was he the reason for their kiss ending before it ever even started? The guilt comes back, settling in the pit of his stomach. 

Naomi nods. "It didn't feel right... with how I felt about you and...." 

She trails off and he can tell she's choosing her words carefully, like she was leaving out something, but he doesn't say anything. Noah swallowed thickly, eyes scanning her face. 

"I..." He watches her eyes flutter shut and watches her throat bob as she swallows down whatever fear may linger there. "I wanted to kiss him, but I didn't. Well - he didn't. He asked me what about Noah? and we stopped." 

"That doesn't make any sense." The words leave him before he can even think about it. "You shouldn't have stopped because of me." 

"Yes, we should have." Her answer was quick, and Noah can only stare at her. "We should have because it wasn't fair to you." 

"Why?" He doesn't get it, or... maybe he does, but he refuses to believe what's so obviously in front of him.  

"Jesus." Naomi breathes out, a quiet laugh following. "This is a lot harder than I thought it would be." 

Her hand drops from his neck to rest back against his arm, and he watches the movements, eyes following her fingers drawing circles, tracing the artwork that was etched across his skin.  

"It wasn't fair to you because of how we felt about you." She starts off slowly, eyes dropping down to her hand. "We both cared about you so much then, and still do. At the time it was more confusing, but I think," She takes a deep breath before her eyes find him again. "I think it didn't feel right to do that with you not there. It didn't feel complete." 

Complete. They didn't feel complete without him there and that has his stomach turning, as if a thousand butterflies were let off inside of him but he can't seem to be happy about it. It can't mean what he's thinking. He refuses to even believe that because that would mean what he's feeling is true and that's impossible. 

How the hell can you love two people at once and it's fine? It sounds fucking selfish. 

"I don't..." His words trail off and he has to look away from her, her gaze becoming far too much.  

Both of her hands slide back up his neck this time, turning him back to her but he shuts his eyes before their gazes even meet. He's being stubborn, he fucking knows, but it's too much. He can't do this. Not now. 

"Noah..." 

"What?" He tries to make it sound harsh, but it instead comes out weak, voice cracking at the end. Noah opens his eyes, and the look Naomi is giving him is borderline painful, and he has to swallow down the lump in his throat once again. 

"I... liked it when we kissed the other night." She finally starts again, voice barely above a whisper. Noah averts his gaze, eyes dropping to his lap, but her hand doesn't leave his neck. "...And I think you liked it, too." 

His stomach is full of twists and turns, a voice in the back of his head telling him that she's right. Even if doesn't remember it he knows he liked it, more than he should have, and his eyes squeeze shut to try and wrack his brain around some type of memory to remind him of how it felt, but nothing comes. 

He wishes he could remember, but he can’t. So, he says the first thing that comes to his mind. 

"I... I don't know if I liked it." Lie, but he pushes through it.  

"...And that's okay. If you don't know." Naomi speaks so carefully, thumbs brushing against his skin as her eyes scan his face. "You don't need to know right now. I just needed you to know." 

"And what is it I need to know?" 

"That I liked kissing Nicholas. Far more than I probably should." She pauses, sucking in a deep breath. "And that I think you liked it too, but you don't know how to feel about it, and that's completely okay."  

They keep their eyes on each other for a moment or two, the silence slowly eating away at him. How could she know that? There's no way she could know that. Hell, Noah barely even knows that. He wishes he could fucking remember what it was like, his lips against Nicholas'. The way it felt when their lips finally met. The way it made him feel in that moment, after waiting for it for so long. He can feel goosebumps rise across his skin just at the mere thought of their lips brushing and his face flushes out of embarrassment.  

Naomi doesn't comment on it. 

"So," He clears his throat, eyes dropping again. "What does this mean?"  

"Nothing. If that's what you want."

Noah's silent, and he doesn't move his gaze from his lap. 

"I love you." Naomi presses, and she's leaning forward, lips ghosting over his cheek. "That hasn't changed and will never, ever change. I just... needed to be honest with you." There's another pause in her words and she pulls back, eyes scanning him again. "And I want you to be honest with yourself. It doesn't need to be right now, but whenever you're ready. Okay?" 

He swallows thickly again, and he thinks his eyes are burning but he refuses to even acknowledge that. His stomach twists and turns at the implication of her words and he so desperately wishes he could do that, for her, for himself, but he can't. Not yet at least. 

So instead, he nods, quietly saying, "I love you."

He hopes that's enough for her, for now, and he thinks it is when she leans in to press their lips together. It's different from the others they've shared, something else is behind it and he can't quite place it, but it only has him pressing harder against her, trying to deepen it. He loves her, with his entire being, and hopes one day he can be honest with her in the way she's wanting. 

Maybe. 

"Okay." She says once she pulls back, taking a deep breath to come back to herself. Her hands slide up and down his neck and she gives him a small smile, and this time it reaches her eyes. "Wanna help me finish packing?"

Noah nods, finally unwrapping his arms from around himself. "Yeah... I wanna help."

Her smile grows wider at that, and he actually returns it before letting her pull him up and off the couch, dragging him towards his room to finish packing for her flight tomorrow morning. He does his best to ignore the voice in his head screaming at him when they pass Nicholas' room, especially when he catches himself staring at the shut door longingly.

… 

He's pissed.

No - he's downright fucking livid.

He'd never seen such heartache in Naomi's face when he told her that Nicholas wouldn't be coming to the airport to drop her off, even though he so clearly was home, holed up in his room. She acted as if it didn't bother her, only for a second, before the tears fell. Noah swore he saw red, never once in his life being so... disappointed in his best friend. He hated anyone that made Naomi upset, and knowing it was Nicholas at the other end of this anger was something Noah's never experienced.

He kept it together for her, even when he kissed her goodbye. Especially when she asked Noah to let Nicholas know that she said goodbye, and that she'll text when she lands. The drive home was excruciating and he swears he broke several traffic laws because he couldn't stop thinking about it. What the fuck was Nicholas' problem? 

If he had been so bothered by what happened then he should say that. Noah can take the rejection - it hurts less because he doesn't exactly remember it. At least he thinks it does, but maybe this anger he's feeling is overshadowing the ache in his chest that's yearning to remember what it was like to have Nicholas' lips on his. He barely thinks about it, actually, so consumed by the anger and disappointment rising in him, he slams the front door shut. 

No one else is home. Just him, Nicholas, and an empty house. His feet move before he can even think about it, taking him up the stairs and down the hall, second door on the left. Noah swings open Nicholas' door, the latter looking up from his desk, sketch pad placed in front of him. His brows furrow at the sight of Noah, confusion written all over his face and that somewhat pisses off Noah even more. 

"What the hell is your problem?"

This surprises Nicholas, eyes widening. "What?" 

"Cut the fucking bullshit." This has Nicholas' pressing his lips together and Noah steps into his room, shutting the door behind him. He points over at Nicholas, eyes narrowing. "Mind telling me what's been up your ass this last week?"

Nicholas pauses. "Nothing."

"Sure." Noah scoffs, arms crossing over his chest. "You seriously suck at lying, dude. You always have." 

"It's nothing, Noah." Nicholas grumbles, low and annoyed, and he's swinging his chair back around to his desk, staring down at the flash sheet before him. "Just been busy."

"With what?" Noah knows he should keep it down, knowing the other guys are just in the living room, but he can't find it in himself to even care. "We fucking live together, man. I know when you're busy."

Silence.

"She was expecting you to be there, you know." Noah grits out, voice shaking. "Do you know how hard it was to watch her cry? Knowing it was over you? Really fucking hard, Nick. She wanted you there." 

Nicholas doesn't say anything to this, but Noah notices the moment his shoulders tense, his actions pausing, before picking his pen up again. 

"Oh, so you’re just not gonna say anything? How fucking mature.”

"I don't know what you want from me, Noah." Nicholas sounds defeated as he whips around in his chair, shoulders slumping forward as sad, gray eyes meet Noah's brown ones.

"I want you to tell me what the fuck is going on." He's angry, maybe irrationally so, but he doesn't care. He's pissed, hands shaking at his sides as his eyes narrowed down on his best friend.

"Nothing's going on."

"Stop lying to me!" Noah's voice booms throughout the bedroom and both boys pause, eyes widening.

Noah doesn't yell. In a song, sure, but never ever in conversation. And never at Nicholas. In the years he's known the boy, he can't really remember any argument that they've had that led to a raised voice. It was never like that with him, but maybe things have changed. A lot of things have changed.

He sucks in a deep breath, eyes fluttering shut as he tries to calm himself down. Naomi's voice fills his mind, softly chanting in and out, in and out, in and out. He feels like he's spiraling, the anger and confusion coming to a halt inside his body and not sure how to release. He hates feeling like this, he hates being angry at Nicholas, but he can't help it. He's lying. Noah knows he's lying and he doesn't have a damn clue on why he keeps it up.

"Stop lying." He says softer now, voice wavering. "You don't need to lie."

"Yes, I do."

"If..." In, out. In, out. In, out. "If this is about the stupid fucking kiss from the other night, it's not that big of a deal."

His stomach drops the second those words leave his mouth, and he's sure Nicholas has the same feeling with the way his eyes are widening, staring at him in disbelief. 

"I remember - well, Mimi told me. But I know." He pauses. "That's it, isn't it? The kiss? You're being fucking weird because of a stupid kiss?"

It wasn't stupid. Even if he doesn't remember it he knows it wasn't, but he can't seem to stop the words tumbling from his mouth.

"Yes." Nicholas finally grits out, eyes narrowing at him. "It is about the stupid kiss."

"I knew it." Noah laughs and it's such a sad fucking sound, because he doesn't feel any better hearing those words from Nicholas. Actually, he somehow feels worse. "I fucking knew it."

Nicholas laughs now, a crazy sound, and he runs a wild hand through his hair before his arms flail out around him.

"What the fuck do you want to say then, Noah? I mean, since you already know everything." It's Nicholas' turn to narrow his gaze, anger brewing behind his eyes. “I don’t know what you fucking want from me if you already know so much. What’s there to even talk about, huh?”

"I just want you to be honest with me," Noah tries to keep his voice level, but there is another waver towards the end, and he has to curl his hands into fists and squeeze. 

In and out, in and out, in and out. 

"Honest? You want honesty?" With another laugh that sounds anything but humorful, Nicholas rises from his chair and takes a step closer to Noah. "Do you know how fucking hard it is to watch the person you love be with someone else? And then have them kiss you?”

There it is. 

He thinks deep down he knew all along that Nicholas loved Naomi. The more he thought about it - and he's thought about it a lot these last 24 hours - the more it made sense. Noah remembers the longing glances shared between the two, remembers the tension whenever they first met. Maybe he tried convincing himself it was nothing just to justify his own feelings, but it was always clear as day.

Nicholas fucking loved her. His hands shake at the thought and he squeezes them into fists again, fingernails digging into the skin of his palm. It hurts to hear out loud even though he knew. He fucking knew.

But he thinks it hurts more knowing that it's just her, and not him.

"Naomi told me." He manages to get out, swallowing down the lump in his throat. "She told me about the first time you tattooed her. How you guys didn't..." He can't say it fully, taking a deep breath before continuing, "because of me. You spared my feelings because you'd rather, I don't fucking know, deprive yourself of happiness because you didn't want to hurt my feelings?"

Nicholas doesn't say anything again, just stares at him with his lips pressed together and for some reason that angers Noah even more.

"Did you think I couldn't handle it? Her rejection? I could have." He takes a step closer to Nicholas, the other boy watching him carefully. "I would have if it meant that you two were happy. That's all I ever fucking cared about."

They're toe to toe now, not touching just yet but almost there. Nicholas' eyes soften. 

"Noah, that's all I cared about, too. That's why I couldn't do it, because of you and-"

"Because of me! That's all I keep hearing. Me, me, me. You didn't know how I'd feel. You didn't know how I'd react. Not once did you even think of yourself, either of you, because for some reason you both are so worried about how I'd feel." The words fall from his lips without much thought and a humorless laugh slips from him, arms moving wildly at his sides. "And now look, you resent me! Probably Mimi, too, because of a choice you made."

Was it harsh? Maybe, but Noah was done letting this shit build up inside of him. If Nicholas wanted to ignore him then goddammit, he was going to get out everything he's been wanting to say for the last two days. 

Nicholas looks at Noah now as if he's just grown two heads and for some reason that just makes him angrier. Why is he confused? He doesn't get to act confused, he's the one that's been ignoring them, resenting them, for a choice he made. 

"I don't resent you."

"Could've fooled me.”

"I don't-" Nicholas pauses, taking a deep breath and pinching the bridge of his nose. "I don't fucking resent you. I don't resent Mimi, either. If anything I resent myself for being fucking stupid."

It's Noah's turn to be confused, eyes narrowing down at his best friend.

"What?"

Nicholas opens his mouth to speak but closes it almost instantly. He doesn't say anything, just stares at him with wide eyes and Noah's not sure what to do next. He doesn't understand any of this. If Nicholas didn't resent them, then why the hell was he acting like he did? 

"I..." Noah's stomach twists at the sight of tears welling in Nicholas' eyes and he forces himself to look away, anywhere and everywhere but his face. "How can you not fucking see, Noah?"

"See what?"

They're so close. So fucking close and Noah finally gains enough courage to look at Nicholas again, and immediately wishes he hadn't. He watches the first tear fall, stream down Nicholas' cheeks, and he feels like someone just stabbed him in the fucking chest repeatedly. Why was he crying? What was there to cry over? 

"How I feel about Naomi. How I feel about you." Nicholas sounds so small, voice barely above a whisper.

"...About me?" Noah asks dumbly, but his mind is working double time already, heart thudding loudly against his chest.

There's no way Nicholas is admitting to this. Admitting to something that Noah told himself years ago would never fucking happen - could never fucking happen. That's why he shoved it so far back into his mind, his heart, because he could never allow something like that to come between him and his best friend. 

"Noah, I..." The words are on the tip of his tongue and Noah knows what he's going to say. He can feel it in his fucking bones and he feels his hands shaking at his sides again, but this time with anticipation. "I..."

"Nicky." Noah all but whines out, voice soft and eyes pleading. 

Nicholas' mouth shuts and Noah sees the exact moment his gaze falls to his lips before moving back up. His ears ring and his skin heats up, standing there while Nicholas reaches for him, tattooed hands cupping his face. He watches the boy lean in and barely even registers the fact that Nicholas' lips are against his before the other is pulling back, eyes wide. 

"Shit, Noah - I'm sorry. Fuck. I'm so fucking sorry-"

Noah's not paying attention to his words, no, his ears are still ringing so fucking loud that Nicholas sounds muffled right now. He's too busy thinking about the way Nicholas' hands are still cradling his face and how gentle he was with him, their lips pressing together in what he thinks was the gentlest kiss of his life. Well, sort of a kiss. He didn't even kiss back, didn't think to kiss back because his brain short circuited. His lips were soft, not nearly as soft as Mimi's, but still softer than he imagined.

"- I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have done that without asking, I'm fucking sorry-"

Noah reaches up to circle his fingers around Nicholas' wrists when he feels the other trying to slip away. He keeps his hands there, against his face, and stares at him for another beat before surging forward. Their lips crash together with such force that they both stumble and Noah's hands drop from Nicholas' wrists to rest against his hips, keeping him steady. He thinks he hears Nicholas make some kind of noise, feels the vibration against his lips, but that damn ringing in his ears won't stop.

This kiss isn't anything like the one they just shared. Far from it. It's messy, sloppy, and all teeth, but it has Noah's skin buzzing in what he can only assume is excitement and fucking relief because this is what he's always imagined it to be like. Years of pent up frustration, long years of fucking yearning has led to this and Noah can't help but whine against Nicholas' lips. It's like they fit perfectly together, like Nicholas was the missing puzzle piece in this story. It reminds him of kissing Naomi, and how much he loves it, and how perfect and right it always feels. 

Naomi.

It's like his brain was on autopilot and just finally turned back out, screeching to a halt as the realization finally dawned on him. 

He can already feel the panic settling into his bones, rising until it lodges in the base of his throat and he all but pushes Nicholas away from him as if he's been burned. He feels like he's going to throw up at any second and he wishes that his ears would stop fucking ringing so loud, because all he can see is Nicholas' mouth moving but no words are coming out. The other takes a step towards him, arms reaching out but Noah shakes his head quickly. He takes two large steps back.

"Noah?”

It's muffled and barely sounds like Nicholas. Noah shakes his head again and takes another step back, yelping when he comes in contact with the door. He has to get out of here.

"I'm sorry." He gets out shakily before he reaches for the door handle and throws the door open, rushing for the stairs.

FuckFuckFuck.

He needs to get out of there. He needs to leave and go somewhere so fucking far away because he cannot stay here. No, he can't. The last glimpse he had of Nicholas crosses his mind, the absolute heartbreak written all over his face, and his chest hurts. It hurts so fucking bad and he can't breathe and-

"Woah. Slow down there, man."

Jolly chuckles and rests his hands on Noah's shoulders, but the younger boy doesn't know what's funny. He looks at him, gets out that he's headed somewhere, anywhere but here, and sees the moment confusion and then concern crosses Jolly's features. He doesn't let him question it, already ripping himself from his friends grasp. He grabs his keys that are still sitting on the counter where he left them, pats his pockets to make sure he still has his phone, and bolts out the door without another thought.

...

Her apartment feels foreign to her. She's tried so hard to make it feel like home, and it did at one point, but now it just... feels like a space she lives in. Richmond feels the same. This was the place where she grew up, where she became who she is today, and yet she's never felt so disconnected from it. It isn't home. Not anymore.

Home is almost three thousand miles away.

Naomi's eyes glance over at her phone next to her on the floor and sighs when no new notifications show up. She's only been home for about an hour, texting both Noah and Nicholas the second she walked through the door. She wasn't too surprised that Nicholas didn't respond, seeing as he didn't even bother telling her goodbye this morning, but Noah's silence comes as a shock. Usually she's welcomed with a text right when she lands from the boy, asking if she's landed yet and that he misses her.

There was nothing.

She knew how angry he was when Nicholas didn't meet them at the car this morning, ignoring both their texts. She knew he tried his best to hide how he was feeling, especially when she didn't do a good job hiding how she did. She felt guilty, in a way, crying over someone else when Noah was right there. He was so understanding, though, and had been ever since she told him how she felt about the kiss and Nicholas.

Naomi knew deep down it was because he understood how she felt, but was too stubborn to figure it out for himself and admit to it. 

She sighs again as she tosses another shirt from her suitcase into the dirty clothes pile she's made in the middle of her room, trying to distract herself from her thoughts. She doesn't want to do laundry. She wishes she could snap her fingers and everything would be cleaned and put neatly in its place, it'd save her a lot of time. 

She really tries hard to not dwell on it, but her hand is moving for her phone before she can stop herself. She'll just text him again, make sure he's alright and didn't do something stupid like confront Nicholas. She never gets to ask, though, the incoming phone call screen popping up on her phone. Her breath hitches when she realizes it was Nicholas calling her.

She lets it ring three times before answering.

"Hello?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for being a stubborn fucking asshole and not saying goodbye. I'm sorry for ignoring you like a child." Nicholas' voice comes out quickly, words rushing together that she barely even catches what he's saying.

"Nicky, slow down-"

"I'm sorry for running away and not being brave enough to even talk about what happened-"

"Nicholas."

"- and I'm sorry for not telling you I loved you sooner. I should've done that a long time ago, but I'm a coward." Nicholas pauses to suck in a deep breath, probably to try and center himself. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Naomi. I'd take it all back if I could."

"...What?" It's stupid to say but it's all she could manage out.

“… I love you."

Mimi is stunned into silence, mouth agape as her brain tries to process whatever the fuck Nicholas just told her. Their first conversation in almost a week and this is not what she was expecting. Well, maybe the apology, but not the confession. 

I'm sorry for not telling you I loved you sooner. 

It should feel good. It should feel really good to hear those words, to know that he loves her, because she loves him, but it doesn't. It feels far from it. Nicholas sounds so broken and defeated on the other end that she knows that this didn't come from a place of happy realization. 

Something happened. With Noah, no doubt. Something stirs in the pit of her stomach.

"Noah talked to you."

"He did." 

She stays silent, the confirmation swirling around her mind. Noah talked to him. 

"He left." Nicholas' voice shakes and she can already see his face, crumbling as the tears well in his eyes. She doesn't bother stopping her own, the pit in her stomach now feeling like impending fucking doom. His sniffle on the other end breaks her heart. "He barged into my room, yelled at me. Deserved. I was being an ass, I’m sorry. And then I kissed him. He asked me to be honest and I fucking kissed him because it was easier doing that than saying it."

"Nicky..."

"He just stood there and I knew I fucked up, I knew it, but then... fuck, then he kissed me." He sniffles again, followed by a pitiful whine. "Then he left. Pulled away from me like I was some sort of fucking plague and ran off. He's been gone for like two hours. I don't..." A shaky sigh follows his words and her heart feels like it's about to fall out of her chest. "He’s gone. I don't know where he is, Mimi."

Fuck.

[plumsliva]

Oop forgot to post this one Just a sketch I did to illustrate my writing :p If you want to read it then there you go:

Pitch darkness without any hint of the existence of anything living, gives way first to bright light, and then to the yellow space of Zone 0. There is only one word in his head: “Off”. The sound of flowing liquid plastic immediately fills the ears, deafening, confusing, irritating. The Batter exhales, feeling how the Puppeteer’s threads immediately permeate his body, wrapping around his bones, merging with the nervous system, flowing through his veins...

- To control my body, press the arrows on your keyboard, - The words themselves come out of his mouth, saving the Player from wasting time searching for the right buttons.

He feels a tugging sensation in his limbs, which indicates that his patron has taken the "hint". The baseball player circles the yellow metal and then stops, looking in what is presumably the direction the Puppeteer is looking at him from. Strange. But that doesn't bother him. To be honest, there's very little to alarm him. But what happened next was new to him.

"Can you hear me?"

A smooth and flowing whisper fills his head, crowding out all other thoughts. The Purifier even shuddered from the shivers that ran down his back. What is this? Is the Player talking to him? Just in case, he looked around, making sure that he was completely alone in the location, before answering.

- Yes, - The Batter answers briefly. The question does not require a long rant.

"May I ask a question?"

Once again, the human's voice causes his brain to stop and focus all its attention on the words that crawl through his mind. Don’t rush, don’t fly by, don’t skip. They crawl, slowly-slowly, like a snake warmed by the rays of the sun on a bright hot day.

- Yes, - The Batter’s lips spit out a monosyllabic answer again, but very soon they complement the lonely word with others, - But don’t forget about the mission.

[mellywritesstuff]

Hello there! I just saw your post and here I am! If you don't mind can I request headcannons for sumeru boys with an exchange akademiya student? Thank you so much :>

YES LET'S GO MY FIRST REQUEST

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Sumeru boys with an exchange akademiya student (GN reader)

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A/N: Sorry this is late, I lost the first draft because I forgot to save it but here it is. This was made at 2:03 AM and published in the afternoon that's why it's a little sloppy but I rlly did try ^^ I also haven't gotten to sumeru- I forgot what the akademiya was (it's a school right?) so its a little vague and ooc

Enjoy my first time writing a reader insert :)

warnings: small suggestive themes, but other then that pure fluff :)

Cyno

- Absolute life-saver be grateful you have him - Despite being the general mahamatra or whatever it is he is- whenever he has the time he's always there to help with your studies

- Have 15 papers due? He'll do them for you just watch.

- You met during your first time in Sumeru and it just sorta grew from there (lucky)

- Ok, hear me out...So your playing TCG right? Somehow this turns into an entire lesson "Alright so [insert akademiya stuff I'm too dumb for] is [insert more akademiya stuff I'm too dumb for]...Y/N are you listening?"

"Cyno, I know what I'm doing I'll be-"

"Basically..."

*insert confused y/n noises*

- He may or may not be a cheat sheet (hehasbigbrain)

Tighnari

- You two met completing your first assignment, and boy was it confusing. First time going anywhere in Sumeru,youtotallydidn'tgetlost - But hey you got a pretty bofie out of it

- Really impressed your an akademiya student like really impressed

- anyways he tries to help you out and relieve your stress, lets you pat his ears and comb your fingers through his tail

- Doesn't want you to be overworked (not really work just studies, which is work WAIT) so he'll drag you along on small outings through the forest whenever you and him have freetime

"Take it slow Y/N."

"Oop watch your step! Be careful!"

"Isn't the forest lovely today?"

- let's be honest your trying to complete your paper the whole time and Tighnari is NOT happy about it. Please pat his ears

Alhaitham

- He was quickly alerted of your arrival in sumeru, word gets around quick and once he met you he feel head over heels for you

- You two are almost always in the same building, and always interacting. Do you even spend time apart from him?

- He doesn't pay much attention to you being an akademiya student, all his focus is just on loving you

- although he's always happy to help you out! - study sessions that really just turn into cuddle sessions. On second thought maybe these sessions aren't effective

- convince me other otherwise you two haven't made out in the corner somewhere

Kaveh

- Your relationship just straight up spawned lol

- tries to help you study but it turns into the most crackhead conversations

"Y/N if we were worms would you still love me?"

"...no"

- ends up clinging to your waist offering no help whatsoever

- please give him attention

- you try to explain to him your essays, but he zoned out when you mentioned the essay was half an hour long

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

totallydidntgetlazytowardstheend

also my request are open in case you want to request something idk. I'm just rlly bored all day

[chairofchaos]

Death

This is a sequel to When the Blood Burns. There are SPOILERS IN SUMMARY. Also, READ THE WARNINGS. You have been warned!

Pairing: Azriel x Eris Vanserra Summary: After Azriel kills his mate, what awaits him after his own life ends? Will he ever see Eris again? Rating: Explicit Word Count: 1k Warnings: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT. Major Character Death. Angst. A/N: Did I mention that I forgot to post this? Oops. Anyways. The next part is worse, and you will not feel better unless I feel extremely benevolent when I finally finish it. Which... I don't feel benevolent, at the moment. You have been warned.

The Velaris Star

Death Notices

Lord Azriel Vanserra, 45, passed away Monday, October 9. Funeral proceedings to be held in the Temple Proper on 16th street, Velaris, Saturday, October 14. Details on Page 6. 

Obituaries

Azriel Vanserra, 45, of Velaris, Night Court, died on October 9 from complications from treatment of wounds sustained during the War. 

He was born in Windhaven, Illyria. Upon completion of his training, he served as spymaster to the former High Lord of Night Court.

Azriel found the most enjoyment in the training and teaching of others. In his time as spymaster, he regularly found time to work with young soldiers, for which many have since thanked him, crediting him with saving their lives by instructing them in his limited spare time. In the years since the war, Azriel enjoyed collecting books from all over the world. The collection he amassed was the instigator for a library to honor his mate. 

The Eris Vanserra Memorial Library, located on Archer Street in the Rainbow, was established as a permanent branch of the Nights Alive foundation earlier this year. Nights Alive is a humanitarian aid project of the leadership of Night to support the veterans and victims of the War, and all those displaced by the battles which were waged. Staffed by fae who have sought refuge in the borders of Night following the raising of the Wall, the Library will continue to be a place of rest for those who desire a temporary escape from their struggles. Azriel’s support of the Library and its initiatives was well known, as he was there nearly every day, often in the Orange Room, where he would enjoy speaking with other veterans and their families over a cup of coffee.

Azriel was preceded in death by his mate, Lord Eris Vanserra, and his adopted sister, Lady Stella Cicaro. He is survived by his adopted brothers, High Lord Rhysand Cicaro, Lord Cassian Lunae, and his cousin, Lady Morrigan Savis.

All services to be held in the Velaris Temple Proper, 16th Street. Memorial service will begin at 19:00. Funeral proceedings will begin at 21:00, with a private burial to follow. In lieu of flowers, please consider making a donation to the Eris Vanserra Memorial Library.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“Welcome, Azriel.” A soft voice. 

Azriel had bowed before the face of death when she came to greet him. This must be the afterlife.

There were no doors, no windows. No visible source of light, and yet he could see.

Stone walls, as far as he could see. A hallway through the doorway over his left shoulder. And in front of him, a throne where a figure began to materialize around that voice.

“Azriel.” The figure on the throne solidified in front of him. “I am the Mother.”

He bowed, silent, stoic. His wings shifted behind him. His body, his wings, did not ache in this world. His hands were unmarred by scarring. He felt almost as though he were floating.

“Rise, Azriel,” she said. He could hear a small smile in her voice. He could rest here. He would be fine. 

She wore a dress of cobalt blue. It would have matched his siphons, but he did not wear them here. He had no need to fight. He would not have to fight anymore.

The Mother raised a pale hand to her face, raising the solid panel of fabric that veiled her figure until it fell back over her shoulders. She was different than he imagined she would be. More human seeming than fae.

“Do you know where you are?” she asked. Her blue eyes cut into his soul. He could feel her watching, examining, even as she wrapped a curled strand of dark blonde hair around her finger. Perhaps he imagined it, but she seemed almost sad.

“This is the afterlife,” he remarked. 

She smiled. It was unreadable. “Yes.”

“It was a slow death,” he added. 

She nodded. “Yes.”

“Do they mourn? I wasn’t kind, in the end.”

“They mourn. They mourn you deeply.”

Azriel sighed. “I wish they didn’t.”

The Mother’s head tilted to the side, that curl falling as she lowered her hand to the armrest of the throne. “Why?”

“I killed him,” he said stoically. 

The Mother sighed, gazing off to the side. It was not a tired sigh. It was pained. “I know.”

“I deserved to die.”

“You all die, eventually,” she remarked as her gaze snapped back to him with piercing precision. “Does that mean you all deserve death?”

Azriel ignored her. He couldn’t respond. Eris had not deserved the death he received. He had deserved a long life, peace, and a family.

“Azriel,” she said gently. He met her eyes. Blue. Blue, and sorrowful.

“I am not staying here, am I?” he asked quietly. She paused, fingers tracing whorls in the wooden grain of the throne’s arm. 

“I wish you could,” she sighed again. “It is beyond my power.”

He nodded. “Where am I to go?”

“To fight,” she looked at him sorrowfully. “You did not mean to, but you killed your mate. You will not know peace until you have been cleansed of his blood.”

“How long?” Azriel asked. “Will I see him, in the end?”

“I do not know,” she said. “I only know you will suffer. But in the end, yes. You will see him again.”

“That is all I ask,” he bowed again. 

“I am sorry, my child,” she whispered, standing. “I am.”

“There was nothing you could do?” he asked. “I begged you.”

She shook her head. “He would have died, regardless.”

“Did I… did I lose my wings?” he asked. 

She smiled that terrible, sad smile. “Sometimes. Sometimes you lost them, and sometimes, you didn’t. The only surety was that he died that day, and that you died on this one. His death is the tragedy of love. Your death becomes a lesson for those that follow. To be careful.”

“Mother,” Azriel looked at her before him, in that shimmering dress, her sorrowful eyes and gentle smile. “Did he love me?”

“He loves you more than life itself,” she answered.

Everything faded away.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Taglist: @ninthcircleofprythian @lilah-asteria @dusk-muse @c-starstuff-man0

Let me know if you want on or off the tag train! You have been warned.

[joltning]

@fishfingersalad it’s almost 2am but i can’t sleep and ts probably only going to be seen by like 5 people anyway so let it rip

this au started out as a self indulgent pocket sized au that I ignore as all my aus do…..then I couldn’t sleep and started imagining things im good at that. it started as an au I could do ship focus on and well I love lore I guess. despite all this the main story still focuses on my blorbos. maybe I will make a storyline for the main cast, if I can imagine things again

one day, all across (abridged) America (this is why I made that carolina/puerto rico/dc post btw), 50 children, each for 1 state, pop up at the same time, with varying ages, mostly tween years but with some variation up and down. while some are humanoid creatures, others are completely monstrous and lack sentience. however, they all share one common factor: a tag identifying what state they came from. The majority of the sentient ones assume this is their name, and that’s why they run with it.

conspiracy theorists and cryptid fans nationwide take notice of a bunch of shit happening overnight and develop “The 50” list. depending on if it’s commonly agreed upon what monster you are and if it’s commonly agreed upon what state you’re from, you’ll be ranked higher or lower on the list, with, of course, the highest ranking being the most sought after and hidden. Most of the higher tiered creatures are humanoid; it’s easier to blend in if you don’t look out of place

i forgot to mention Btw it’s like. myths and legends and shit too. i mentioned york being the pied Piper I also think the implication that the pied Piper is a monster is funny. also only one monster per person and

ofc my blorbos…….Everyone run now!!!! Ohio has just moved to a new city yay go girl But her coworkers are fucked up!!! There’s this bitch Sherry that she may or may not have a crush on and like her two little friends who absolutely know that. but Watch out there’s a freaky green man It’s Georgia her old friend Georgia. they were their first freelancer friends but geo Loves making deals for souls slash servitude slash their power slash take over the world slash he doesn’t know what souls are and neither do I. but they gotta be normal and not fight in the office.!!! And fight outside of a Walmart at 2 instead. he’s kinda bad at it though which is why only Ohio cares.

anywya Sherry keeps running into Ohio and Georgia fighting and you know Ohio’s kind of like. well if you see her when she’s not masking you’ll probably go insane huh. so Ohio has to keep wiping her memories and Sherry’s getting CRAZY deja vu.

this is so stressful Good thing Ohio’s got her trusty friends Iowa and Idaho!!! They’re causing chaos somewhere else but she’s always texting them and video chatting. hopefully they can meet up again soon!!

Utah is a paranormal investigator and currently georgia’s only the only person who’s currently made a deal with him. he’s made past deals but Ohio scared them off by ‘Do Not Be Afraid’ing them. it’s either that or they have to get killed lest the green fuck get too powerful and Ohio would rather not do that thanks. utah doesn’t even get anything in return he just wants to know wtf is going on tbh. Georgia stays at his apartment because he’s a squatter I guess

well That’s too bad I guess I can’t share any more because they’re just plotpoints. hey do you wanna know what the other freelancers are

Ohio: Angel (duh. So low because when she spawned she was literally in the middle of a bunch of people and blinded them with her corporeal form)

Georgia: Demon (the devil but literally this time. manages to be a little higher due to being able to teleport short distances. Stayed a little too close to home base, though.)

Iowa: Harpy (kept flying in the air like a dumbass everyone fucking saw him. denialists claim it to be a big bird. and they’re right.)

Idaho: Werewolf (he didn’t know until a full moon came out. oops.)

Carolina: Siren (keeps the bad singing voice.)

York: pied piper….

Wash: Shapeshifter

Florida: Alien (when he came on the fated day he rode in on a meteor instead of plopping in, breaking off the state from the rest of the US. its highly debated on whether or not the meteor itself was the creature.)

Maine: Bigfoot (but he shaves his whole body every day so he just looks like a big guy)

Connie: Kitsune

Wyoming: Fairy (despite being obvious, no one fuckinh lives in wyoming so he just flew far away immediately. fucks up the rankings of others by being spotted far away from his state.)

North: The Sandman (Both spawned across from eachother at the 2 state’s borders. They immediately declared eachother twins.)

South: Mare/Dream Eater (Their high ranking is very dependent on the confusion on which twin is which, since they work together to sleep and then feast.)

Tex: Ghost

you may see here I did not include Utah Did I forget No No No (kinda) I have an idea for what he is but i don’t intent to reveal it ever really. idk how id incorporate that. jsut know I searched really hard to find a creature that wasn’t a ghost that disrupted electromagnetic fields so that every time he went ghost hunting the machines would go off causing him to assert there was a ghost there. but no alas I did not find that

ok tahts it I think. for now. maybe. if you have any ideas for this background fucks wise or rnbs wise I would like them. for meThanks goodnight im gonna pass blout Out Out

[emmebearpaw]

5/23 - It's Robin Fire Emblem Time

Anyways, now that I caught your attention, hello to all who haven't been keeping up with this project! Over the last 6 months I've been making a cosplay of Robin from Fire Emblem Awakening to compete in my state's biggest cons costume contest. But not just any Robin, no no, I'm going as my favorite redesign of her, by @lordyunaa!

The con is tomorrow. The costume (minus some touch up on the bangs but that is a forever problem) is now complete, in the nick of time. My competition is on Saturday night, and I will be posting the video of my performance, in whatever quality my friends can manage to film it in, but because of its timing, I probably won't be getting that out until the 26th. If you'd like to see how any of this has been made, I've blogged it! Just check out #cosplay construction tag on my blog!

Anyways let's stop beating around the bush, what did I get done today? - Repaired decoration on shoes that were peeling up - Repaired tack on coat that is stubborn and has broken like 4 times - made an attachment mechanism for my thoron tome so I do not have to carry it all weekend. This was done using magnets, one of each pair sewn into ribbons and the other glued and taped down inside the box. The original thought was to attach the ribbons on the outside, but it was not strong enough...

And then the rest was wig styling. I didn't get photos of this because my phone was busy being used as a reference to stare at robin and also getting covered in spray glue. The bangs especially will get touched back up in the morning. But then came the moment I've been waiting for. Putting the costume on! It was magical, I did a happy dance when I got to the biggest mirror in my house auyewhyuehuwheuh yes my face is censored. You don't need to see me somehow still not know how to look at a camera (god I hope i know how to emote to real human beings, I can't check.)

Also I did make the hand things. I forgot to put them on! Oops! It's been a great time making this costume for the last 6 months, but I need to get ready for the morning! I have a long weekend in front of me! Thank you all for sticking around, me up on stage dancing in a few days!

[its-a-me-mango]

yo mango, i found this in twitter(x). a creator in twitter sented this.

Oh boy, yes this is the response I was referring to in my other post, and I have some things to say about it.

TL;DR: Clarification is nice but it shouldn't be up to the employees to apologise for something that upper management should've taken accountability for anyway. I'm not accepting everything as "fixed" until Celeste says anything else.

Obligatory "we don't know everything so don't jump to conclusions!!!" disclaimer (personally I love jumping to conclusions I love drama lol)

(also my stance on what I'm doing with this account is at the bottom of it so go take a look if you wanna know what I'm gonna do)

Ok first off, let's start positive, good to have some accountability and a bit of clarification on what's happened, considering I honestly thought GLITCH was just gonna keep quiet and hope for it to brush over, having the manager tell their side of the story is a good thing.

That's all the positives I have towards this apology because the rest are all negative.

For starters, why is the manager taking full accountability for this, while yes they made the decision, the higher ups should be taking accountability, at the end of the day Jasmine is an employee of GLITCH. Normally when something happens within a company, the company itself will put out a statement taking accountability for the actions of their staff. This hasn't happened yet, it's not Jasmine's full responsibility for this, there should be recognition from the company of their mistake.

I get if they're taking a while to make a response, but it's not hard to put out a statement saying "hey, we fucked up, sorry". It would be miles better than having an employee put it out IN THEIR FAN DISCORD SERVER OF ALL PLACES, thank got it got reposted because none of us would know others.

Furthermore, what is the main message from this, the main reason for this happening? "Oops I forgot". That's such a shitty excuse, especially for a manager. I completely understand getting overworked as hell, from what I've seen Jasmine is also the manager for a lot of other things at GLITCH, and if GLITCH's Glassdoor reviews are anything to go by, overworking employees seems to be their biggest flaw.

Something like this slipping their mind would be fair and understandable under those circumstances, but that's what upper management is for, it's up to them to make sure people do what they're employed to do, that includes making sure the appropriate messages are sent out, especially for big changes like this. Of course no one likes to have a boss that questions everything you do, but having someone check that all the appropriate messages are sent out is pretty damn important for running a company.

This is ultimately a show of poor management on GLITCH's behalf, had they communicated better not just with Celeste but also with each other, this entire situation would've been avoided.

I don't think this is some catastrophic downfall that can never be resolved, it actually can be resolved quite easily. All it involves is an admission of negligence on GLITCH's side and a proper apology to be sent and accepted by Celeste. Obviously I'm not gonna go demanding such things be made public but treating this like GLITCH's downfall is just kinda silly, this can be fixed.

Yes this is bad, and you should feel upset/angry about this all happening, seeing voice actors being treated poorly and "forgotten" about sucks and doesn't reflect well on GLITCH at all, if you don't want to support GLITCH right now that's completely reasonable, but this isn't worth wishing the companies downfall over. Advocate for change, not carnage.

There is also the possibility that this whole "apology" is bullshit. More comments from SMG2's now former VA have come out about this apology.

If this is all true, then that's just as bad on GLITCH's side. Ultimately we won't know the entire story until Celeste makes any other comment, however given how taxing this has all been on her, it's understandable if she doesn't say anything now, or ever to be honest.

My love and support goes out to Celeste during this time. I hope she and GLITCH can come to some kind of agreement that allows everyone to move on.

Anyway, so about me now, haiiii

I'm likely gonna mostly hault making SMG4 art for a while due to this, I love this series and I don't like to see this all happen to it, but I care more about treating voice actors fairly and making sure they're given the respect they deserve, if that involves stopping my support for GLITCH for now then so be it. I'm hoping this gets resolved, if that does happen i'll go back to normal, if not thennnnn I'll deal with that when it happens.

I'm still happy to interact with people in this community still, there's a few ideas and pieces I want to make for other people still, things like AU arts and DTIYS's, so I'll be doing that, but as for new SMG4 art and memes, not right now. (lets face if the SMG4 community on Tumblr is so far removed from everyone else it's basically our own series out here lmao)

I'll still draw Mango don't worry, he's basically my persona so I can detach him from SMG4 for now, my silly lil guy isn't going anywhere.

I understand that a lot of people are upset by this and are trying to block it out and carry on as normal. While I understand why most of you are taking that stance, I know a lot of you are teens and SMG4 is a source of comfort for a large chunk of you, please don't just ignore all this happening. I don't even care if you take an inconclusive stance on this, just please don't block it out entirely and pretend it's not happening, that's just not fair on Celeste.

I'll be doing my best to keep up with this as much as possible. I know I've come across as overly critical during all this, but I don't like seeing people act like GLITCH has done nothing wrong and never can. It's ok if a company you like has done something shitty, they do that all the time, but its not ok to let them get away with it and pretend it never happened, that's just covering for their shitty actions. I'm not going to cover for GLITCH's shitty actions which is why I'm speaking up about it and will continue to do so until some kind of resolution is reached.

Anyway I've talked enough, if you're reading haii hello thanks for reading the whole thing , if you skimmed to the bottom I'm shooting you with lasers (/j). We'll see what comes of all this but until then take care. <3

[chained-sweater]

୨୧ dear diary

— a/n : i said i'd post my fics on here. i kept my word.

— characters : darrel "darry" curtis jr., sodapop "soda" curtis, ponyboy "pony" curtis (mentioned), steve randle (mentioned)

— timeline : several years post-canon

— warnings !! : swearing (just one), angst, implied mental health issues, implied suicide

— chapters : 1/1

— words : 655

dear diary?

dear journal?

dear future me?

future me?

yeah, that sounds about right. anyways, i don't know why i'm doing this. i mean, i saw ponyboy doing it himself. he told me that writing in a journal helps keep him organized and composed of his thoughts. or something along the lines of that, i'm not sure.

like i said, i'm not sure what provoked me to do this: write in a journal. i normally don't do this. i usually just bury my feelings deep inside until i can no longer hold them in and explode into a mental breakdown. it's just...i don't know..it's...strange. yeah, strange is the best way to put it.

i know i'm supposed to write for an extended period of time, but my hand is cramping already. having bookkeeping as your second job when you already work in construction takes a toll on you. i suppose i could take a break and finish writing later.

see you, stranger.

— darry?

— past you

* * *

future me,

hey, it's me again, your past self. i know i said i'd write again after a small break, but i completely forgot. two months ago. (oops.) i guess that's what happens when you toss things away carelessly into your jungle of a closet.

but...yeah. i guess i have an excuse though. ponyboy left for college a while ago. i miss him, i think. i don't know. the night before he was supposed to leave, we got into an argument. it was our worst. we were screaming at each other so loud steve could hear us all the way from his house. ponyboy had tossed his luggage into his car and said he never wanted to see me again. sodapop was still crying after he left. ran off to his room. i feel bad. neither of us are entirely over it, but soda's getting better. i'm not. i got nightmares about our argument, ponyboy leaving. it got to the point where, by some miracle, the gang scrounged up enough money to send me to therapy. that's why i couldn't write in this. (well, it was mainly because i was stressed at the time and cared less about finding a stupid journal i wrote in a long time ago.)

ah, i got too carried away there. maybe this is good for me—writing down how i feel and getting my thoughts out. it's working, i guess.

i'll write some more another day. let's hope it's not in another two months.

— past you

* * *

i need to keep this out in my line of sight to keep up with my entries. it's been almost a year since i last wrote in this thing. so much for me promising to not have such huge time gaps here, huh?

god, i don't know where to begin. i got out of therapy a few months ago since i was deemed "cured," but the gang thinks otherwise. they know the night terrors haven't gone away, and they definitely noticed that my depression has gotten worse.

my headache is killing me right now. i'll write later.

* * *

i'm fine.

i'm fine, okay? it's been six months since i last wrote in this thing, and i honestly couldn't care less about trying to find a consistant schedule for my entries. i don't care. why do i even bother in the first place? it's just a hobby i was pressured into doing.

well too bad. i'm not writing in this shit anymore.

* * *

...hey.

i know what you're thinking: 'how long has it been since he's last written here?'

well...it's been...a while.

oh, and before you say anything else, this isn't him. it's his brother, soda. now you're probably wondering why i'm the one writing here...the answer is rather simple.

darry killed himself two years ago. stole one of our dad's guns from the attic and shot himself clean through his skull.

...i'm sorry.

— sodapop curtis

୨୧ the end