#competey :')p sure the main factor in icherally all my friendships is pity which. makes sense since im pathetic! lol! :')
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#ntway being drunk is enuf of n excuse 2 b pathetic on mai iright? (this isntn my main but i treat it ike it is so)#i was gnna post this one in body of tst 2 but tis. bad. its BAD! so into the tags it goes :') but im like.. 90% sure 3/ of my 6 friends hate#me n ike. 2 of them (1 who hates me 1 who Toerates me) r only friends w me bc they have no tothr friends n like. idk! its disheartening#of the 3 one ive been friends w since middle school so im p sure the only resn they havent ditched me competely is bc of how long weve known#each othr n they Pity me 4 not havin ny othr friends/ a life/ etc :') 1 we just nvr talk nymore idk y.. n 1 weve nvr been close but uhh im p#sure they only like me bc i give her postive attention so. uk. uk.. the othr 3 i think just.. tolerate me.. feel 2 bad 4 me 2 like ditch me#competey :')p sure the main factor in icherally all my friendships is pity which. makes sense since im pathetic! lol! :')#truly truly wish ny one of my attempts had killed me ny one of my od's had kiled me licherally NYTHING wd kill me :')Â tired of bein here#tired of evrything evrything evrything tired of nthing evr getting bttr tired of being so completely fuckin alone :') tired of trying consta#ntly n having NOTHING 2 show 4 it :') idk. i was so excited 4 2018 n for a Minute i was excited 4 2019 but like........ the only reason i ha#vent tried killing ymself recently is bc 1 im saving up 2 move n having money n dying w/o spending it seems. wasteful. (biggest reason) 2 my#dog wld not kno where i went or what happened or y i dont see him nymore n wld probably feel bad n get sad n hes already not so healthy#3 my friends wld feel bad#thats it! none of those reasons r evn abt me! theres no reason i Want 2 stay here stay lviing except i have money rn at this moment n ppl wl#d feel bad if i died.. but genuinely i get very little joy out of living the only time im happy is when im high n when im getting positive a#ttention n those rnt reasons 2 keep living.. i wanna get published but only bc i kno my writing is good n iw ant attention so again not a go#od reason 2 keep living.. genuinely cant imagine myself living evn anothr decade cantimagine myself EVR bein happy cant imagine nything exce#pt what im livin rn at this mometn w tiny minor improvements :')#im sick of it lol!!#imready 2 b done im ready 4 anothr do ovr im ready 4 the next incarnation 2 not b so fucking terrible from the start :')#i genuinely hate this life the only good things dont come from me they come from othr ppl n othr things i cant find happiness or love in mys#elf n im tired of trying :')#idk ig :')
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