#coming back to vent in the tags bc i can make them suuuper long and also i can't remember my other alt priv twitter password
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daintylocket · 2 years ago
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gm tumblr my head is clear
#coming back to vent in the tags bc i can make them suuuper long and also i can't remember my other alt priv twitter password#also i'll js rb a bunch of shit n no one will see this#so. my head is clear and its kinda scary#i've never felt this at ease and now im kinda addicted to the feeling#i feel at peace. like i'm going home.#like... i'm missing a place i've never been#or havent been in a while#and that place is mentally still? stable? happy? neutral?#idek but its not awful or pathetic or stupid and i want it so bad#and i'm getting mental stability from music that reeks of mental illness and i feel like a weirdo or sth and i hope i'm not#i can't stop crying either but its a clear headed cry#not a happy tears or sth but better than an angry or sad cry#i can't get over how safe i feel and#its scaring me bc i don't really ever remember this level of feeling safe literally inside my own head#if this was a book it would b when i get my memories back and stop wanting to kay em ess#but its not a book and i'm still stuck in the moment but at least i'm not beating myself up in my own head#i'll break down how i feel about each one in a minute#or not but i have another concern#is my friend gna dislike me over this.......#like imagine you rec someone songs you like and all of a sudden their mental state is hinging on it#isn't that weird wouldn't you be grossed out are they grossed out by me#god i hope not but i don't know if he'd tell me if he was#i hope they'd tell me because i think i'd cry if it turns out this year its her and i don't know if i'm being a good friend properly...#partially bc of my kinda touch aversion but also my overthinking and i dont know how to reach out w/o worrying if i'm overstepping#so i js kinda wait for the other person to do it first so ik where the boundaries are but that usually burns friendships out#bc they end up hating me and i hope that doesnt happen here bc i'm trying my best to figure this out#i'm not good at living but i want to be#dear god i don't do the proper conditions to be asking You for help this much but help me out#that was a lot but its out so thats sth#anyw goodbye tumblr
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