#coherent here and then trying to tap into anything else like 'dont know feels bad cant do anything dont know sorry'

[femmefaggot]

emotions make the brain shut down rn like removes the ability to say full sentences uhhh hehe

[edsbev]

Ok now we have how they both realized their feelings mayyyybeeeee how they told eachother?????????

it takes a little while. theyre a little bit older. have both come to terms with the fact that they might just have to pine forever. 

and its richie who finally cracks. bc of course it is. hes been pining for longer. he has trouble keeping his mouth shut. honestly its a miracle he managed to keep his feelings a secret for this long. 

its a saturday night and theyre sitting in an empty parking lot in richies truck, eating fast food. and a lot of things have happened recently. 

one - eddie has taken up baseball at school, and his skin has bronzed from how much time he spends out in the sun training. his thighs are toned and his arms have filled out. and its become ridiculously hard not to stare. 

two - bev and ben have started dating. and being around their in-love, coupley gooeyness has only made richie want eddie even more. he’ll watch bev and ben cuddle on the couch during their movie nights, kiss each other hello and goodbye when theyre hanging out, and his brain will immediately go to: what if that was me and eddie. 

and three - the combination of those two things have made being around eddie so hard that richie has been actively avoiding him. he barely turns up to the losers hang outs anymore, he cancelled the last two catch-ups he and eddie had planned. and, while they can, thankfully, just chalk it up to them being older, being busier, richie knows that eddie has started to notice, and he doesnt want eddie to think that hes avoiding him bc he hates him. 

so richie has come to conclusion that he needs to tell him. the truth. 

“this shit is so disgusting,” eddie says, shovelling fries into his mouth. the whole trucks smells of them. hot, stuffy, salty. “i can already feel the grease clogging up my fucking arteries.” 

“yet you keep eating them,” richie says. he adds, “idiot” because he knows he’s being soft. he knows he’s looking at eddie with that stupid, dopey smile he gets whenever eddie is being cute. 

its just. eddie is cute. his hair curling around his ears, shovelling fries into his mouth with a sort of pinched, irritated look on his face, like the fries have personally insulted him. hes so fucking cute and there’s been a hundred other moments just like this. where richie will watch him, and his heart will swell up like a balloon, and he’ll almost say it. eddie, i like you. i like you so fucking much, eddie. i want to kiss you so badly. 

so he’s gonna do it right now. just get it out there. it doesnt matter if eddie doesnt feel the same way, he just needs him to know. 

richie wipes his palms on his jeans, taps his fingers against the steering wheel, breathes in, out. shaky. nervous. and then he finally says, “eddie.” 

“mmm?” eddie mumbles, poking through their takeout bag. 

“i…” god, richie wants to throw up. he swallows. “i just thought that i should…explain. why i’ve been so weird lately.” 

eddie glances up from the bag, quirks an eyebrow at him. “you’re always weird,” he says. 

“yeah, youre right,” richie laughs, a breathy, nervous laugh. “i mean why i’ve been weirder than usual recently.” 

and eddie seems to realise what richies talking abt, seems to pick up on richies anxious energy, bc he shrinks a little into the seat. 

“i just…dont want you to think that i havent been around recently bc ive been avoiding you,” richie starts. and it just kinda all tumbles out of him, messy. “well, actually, i have been avoiding you. but it hasnt been for, like, a bad reason. like i dont hate you or whatever. i, um.” he works his thumb against the steering wheel, clears his throat, glances hesitantly at eddie. “i like you.”

eddie doesnt say anything. he looks very small against the seat. 

“as in…i like like you,” richie continues, bc now he cant shut up. “like how bev and ben like each other - ugh, whatever you get it, im being stupid. but it just…makes it hard to be around you sometimes.” 

the still, quiet expression on eddies face is impossible to read. richie is so antsy he swears he’s going to explode. 

“so. yeah. i just thought i’d tell you. i’m really not trying to make things weird or anything. and you don’t have to say anything back. i just didnt want you to think that i hate you, or whatever.” 

eddie still doesnt say anything. a car pulls up a few spaces away, turns half the parking lot gold with its headlights before it shuts off, plunging it back to black. richie drums his fingers skittishly against the steering wheel. 

“ok i need you to say something, eddie,” richie says finally, after what feels like a decade, “i’m going crazy over here.” 

eddie blinks, and even in the shadowy-dark, richie swears he can see eddies face go red. “i…dont know what to say.” 

richie feels like he’s going to be sick. “just, uh, that you dont hate me and still wanna be a my friend would be nice,” he says, tries to play that off as a joke. 

“i dont hate you,” eddie says. and at least that sounds sincere. 

“well, thats a relief,” richie says. it looks like eddie is about to say more, but he doesnt. a crease forming in his brow, lips pursed and pushed up toward his cheek, as though he’s contemplating something.

“ok. uh. lets just talk abt something else then, eh?” richie says, awkward. “pass me some of those fries.” 

but eddie doesnt. the little crease in his brow just deepens. and then eddie is shoving away the fastfood and kneeling up on the truck’s bench seat.

richie startles, watches with wide eyes as eddie shuffles closer to him. places one hand on richies shoulder, reaches over with the other to cup richies jaw and turn his head to face him. looking very determined. 

“i…” richies whole face is burning, his throat tight. “what are you doing?” 

“im going to kiss you,” eddie says, very matter of fact. 

richie tries to say something, but all that comes out is a broken, strangled sound. 

“is that okay?” eddie asks. 

“uh yes. yep. fucking. yes.” eddies face is so close. his lips are so close. slightly parted, look so plump and soft and kissable. its a surprise richie manages to have a single coherent thought, but he gets out: “im just very confused.” 

“i like you too, okay? i just didnt know how to say it.” eddie’s voice threatens to speed up in that way it does when he’s nervous. but he breathes in, swallows it down. and says, much gentler, “so i… thought i’d show you.” and as he says that, his cheeks go red and his gaze drops to richies own mouth, and richie just about passes out. 

“okay,” richie breathes. okokokokokokokokok

eddie hesitates. they are paused, staring at each other’s lips. then eddie lifts his hands from richies shoulder to cup richies face with both hands.

and he swoops in and kisses him. 

but eddie pulls away quickly, like he’s still a little unsure, anxious eyes flitting between richies. but richie just says, dazed, “kiss me again” and eddie cant say no to that. so he does.

its a kiss thats soft for all of five seconds. theyve both wanted this so badly for so long. richie wraps his arms around eddies waist, eddie wraps his arms around richies shoulders. richie deepens the kiss, pushing up against eddie so much that eddie begins to lean backwards. eddie lets him, bringing richie even closer. 

when they pull away for air, they leave only a breath between their mouths. lips brushing as their chests heave. eddie looks down at richie with lowered eyelids and it drives richie crazy. 

“you like me,” richie breathes. 

he can feel eddies smile against his own his mouth. “you like me,” eddie says. 

“a whole fucking lot, yeah,” richie says, and then dives in to kiss him again.

they make out for ages in richies truck. and they’ll talk abt all that feeling stuff later. how long they’ve liked each other, when it started, what this means for them, where they stand now. and they do. but right now literally all they care abt is richies hands on eddies ass, and eddies hands in richies hair.