#coccino's like: hah let's not talk about matters of my past that don't concern you byee

[lolacism]

lux for coccino, surgens for indicus, cincereo for surgens!

LUX: how old were you when you had your first kiss?

I must have been twelve, maybe thirteen (probably thirteen) when — technically — my first kiss happened. It was extremely unglamorous, enough so that even thinking about it makes me inwardly cringe now, but it was with the boy I had somewhat of a crush on back then (or at least I really wanted to achieve making him my first kiss and I didn’t fail) so I’m guessing I have to count it as a victory. Nevertheless, though, it was horrendously underwhelming. We had hidden out in an alley after sneaking away from a rather prestigious event that wasn’t at all targeted at our age group and so it came about that we were ducking behind the dumpsters to make sure no one would see us — his idea, may I just stress — as if it had been so outrageous if anyone had caught a glimpse of us considering he hardly even dared to move his lips. Needless to say I left him standing there to be ashamed of himself on his lonesome rather quickly. Because of that lack of dedication, a pattern that would unfortunately be repeated for quite a while whenever I tried to break it, I’m almost inclined to consider my real first kiss one that I’ve only had once I was fifteen which was much more of the real deal — tongue and all — but I shouldn’t really be talking about that one anymore. It has served its purpose.

SURGENS: how is your relationship with your family?

If you asked me to sum it up in two words, ‘impassive’ and ‘strained’ might just do the trick. My parents’ presence in both mine and my brother’s life has never been worth mentioning or much of a constant. They’d check up on us ever so often, most of the time to make sure we were still living up to the Rochester name but it never felt to me like their concerns for my personal woes and worries were fully sincere; too devoid of emotion was their tone, too absent their gaze. Regardless, they have always managed to make me feel favoured because my achievements were praised endlessly, brought up again and again if only to be mentioned as ‘a good example for appropriate behaviour’ in front of my brother. Their love doesn’t seem to be directed at me as an individual, me as their merely human son but at the idea of me, the firstborn who adds pride and glory to the family name — if i ever tried to stray a bit too far from what they expect of me, I doubt they’d still hold me in the same high regards.My brother, on the other hand, probably doesn’t think too highly of me and as much as I want to claim the feeling isn’t mutual, I’m afraid I wouldn’t be completely honest if I did so. There are times when I long to tell him that our parents are wrong to treat him so harshly, that it isn’t fair at all that they would be so partial and favour me so blatantly, and there are times when I’d like to simply bury whatever sort of hatchet we have crafted over the years and establish something akin to a friendship — but as of now, I guess you couldn’t really call us friends and considering that whenever I see this mischievous gleam in his eyes, I’m reminded of why that is the case, I doubt this will change any time soon. Perhaps our values and personalities simply differ a bit too greatly for us to ever be as close as siblings should be. 

CINEREO: what’s your biggest fear?

already answered right here!