#chrissy doesn't mind being a sucker for it in the least

[greenscrunchy]

you know what? eddie doesn’t get bitches. he gets queens. 

[allyricas]

Eddie Munson knows who he is. He is painfully self-aware. He is aware of the way he uses his boisterous and devil may care persona as a shield against the rest of the world. He uses biting words as weapons; he never was one for physical violence. He is well aware of his flaws.

Hyperactive. Impulsive. Loud. Rough. Vulgar. Silly.

He wears all of it like armor. He knows who he is and he doesn't need the people around him to see the softness that lurks right below his hard edges. That he feels everything so much.

He's always felt everything so much it spills out of him. It allows people to hurt him.

He knows he's a sucker for a pretty smile and flattering words. He knows he shouldn't deal hard drugs to a scared cheerleader, but she nearly begs. And he impulsively takes her back to his trailer. And it goes wrong. So fucking wrong.

He knows his life is ruined the moment Chrissy Cunningham is supernaturally, gruesomely killed right in front of him. He watches her body snap from the inside out. Her eyes implode. And he learns something else about himself.

He's a coward. Or at least, he thinks is. For all his self-awareness, Eddie is always too hard on himself. Always assuming the worst. Cannot see all the ways he's already brave. Brave for being himself. Brave for refusing to be hardened and cruel despite the mistreatment he experiences at the hands of others.

So yes, He leaves her and he runs. He hates himself as he's doing it. It cements the idea that he is a coward. He is well aware of his reputation. The reputation he's leaned into for years as a coping mechanism. Because it fucking hurts less when he embraces the title freak. When he throws devil horns at basketball players and makes a scene at lunch. He falls back on his dramatic nature and leans into the whispers that he worships satan. He has always known how to put on a show and force himself into the center of attention, be it good or bad.

He's actually an atheist which is just hilarious to him. Satan, he doesn't even believe in the dude. What a joke. It's not until he is cowering in a canoe while he hides from the basketball team that he starts to think maybe he leaned too far into the satanic panic.

Eddie Munson also knows that he is prone to self-sabotage. If something is good, he's better off ruining it in a way that he can control. There is a sadness that lurks under his biting remarks and subtle anger. It's always lurked in him and he knows his life is over. It's barely perceptible underneath the big smiles and easy laughter.

The whole town is hunting him. Hunt the freak. He's depending on the weirdest combination of freaking teenagers to save the world, but even still, it won't save Eddie. He's wanted for the murder Chrissy. Jason wants to kill him. The entire town hates him.

He cannot envision any way that this ends without him in jail or torn apart by the close-minded citizens of Hawkins. He will now always be known as the freak who killed the sweetest girl in Hawkins High. So, even though every single cell in his body his pressing him to run, he stays. Makes a quip about following Dustin and the others into Mordor.

Deflect with humor so others don't see how afraid he is.

What does he have to lose? He can at least help kill this Vecna fucker. Steve Harrington of all people tells him not to be a hero. This makes Eddie laugh. He's no hero.

He is no hero even as he cuts the rope that night and leads the demo-bats away from Dustin. He's not doing it to be a hero. He's done running away from danger, true. But, Eddie is painfull self-aware that he finds the most peculiar ways to run from things.

Sometimes running away is hidden by a heroic act of self-sacrifice. Because what's left for him after all of this? He chose this. He has the control of how this ends and how it hurts. At least now he made some kind of impact. He helped save the world. He hopes the other succeeded. He regrets leaving Wayne. Regrets leaving Hellfire and Corroded Coffin, but those things were already gone.

So he goes out fighting and his last words show that maybe he's not as aware as he thinks. He was never a coward, not until the moment He uses heroism to avoid dealing with what was waiting for him back in the real word.

I didn't run away this time

This is, sadly, both true and untrue.