#certainly my absence is appreciated more than my presence. im dont exactly add much to people's lives
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i reached out to a friend i haven't talked to in almost 6 months and i don't know that she's gonna respond at all and honestly i wouldn't really blame her
#i was having a Bad Time for a while and isolation is always a “good” idea for sure#and then after a bit i decided reaching out was dumb because#certainly my absence is appreciated more than my presence. im dont exactly add much to people's lives#and idk why i decided to break that but maybe i made a mistake. idk#(she did reach out early on and i responded once but not again)#(as much as i screech about wanting to be wanted i dont know what im supposed to do if i am)#(all i can think about is everything i lack. all im incapable of. how i cant fucking talk to people)#(when i dont have it i want it and when i get it i freeze because wait what the hell am i supposed to do now?)#(insert that plankton meme except plankton is panicking rather than celebratory)#(....when i have it then most roads i can see lead to me fucking everything up)#(better to never have than to have and to lose because im an idiot)#(i know the song actually preaches the opposite but yes was right.)#(owner of a lonely heart much better than an owner of a broken heart)#ntac about my bullshit#to the void with love
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