#certainly he'd have to have stealth down and know how to defend himself in case something goes wrong | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vagueiish · 1 year ago

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concept: astarion getting cocky after taking on that bear, a night or so later coming across a deer and thinking 'hah, this should be cake!'

...and then getting absolutely wrecked by a whole herd in an almost cartoonish display of violence because deer are vicious fucks and it's the prey animals you have to watch out for

#astarion #i'm basing this off science i read here so i'm probably wrong #but i also dont care enough to do research and confirm either way because #it would be fucking hilarious to me #bc larger predaror animals are lazy fucks anyway right? unless theyre hunting or whatever #astarion gets the drop on a sleeping bear. maybe the bear wakes up #gets a few swipes in -- which is where astarion's mentioned bloodloss comes in #but ultimately astarion comes out on top #and is like 'fuck i am so good at this hunting thing'#which.....he's spent 200 years stalking the streets of a city doing a completely different type of hunting #certainly he'd have to have stealth down and know how to defend himself in case something goes wrong #but hunting animals is a bit of a different ballgame isnt it?#so he gets lucky. and then gets cocky #and he probably doesnt know about deer. yknow?#or maybe he would but that's not funny #so some night later. aw. a fawn!#fuckin bambi should be easy pickings #so he's about to take a bite when... idk. would it be funnier if he just gets gored by an antler or like...#hears a rustling. here comes another deer staring him down #he waves the deer away like 'don't worry. i'm sure i'll have room for your blood as well'#and then the deer hisses at him and charges him and he has a moment of realization that #He Has Fucked Up #more deer join the fray. he barely escapes with his unlife.#at camp the next day it's clear he's been in a scuffle #he lies and claims he barely escaped like a gnoll attack or something #does anyone believe him? i dont know #somebody uses the tadpole to see the deer massacre #those who dont know laugh at him. those that do....#'dude. you can't just fuck with deer'#and they all have a laugh about it later

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