#cause rp is only fun when we’re both doing it at our paces

[jisungyah]

Dream State - 22 : HoOoNG~

“That was unessarily loud” Hyunjin stated, hands clasped to his ears looking up at Wooyoung from his seat on the floor. 

Wooyoung saw San gulp, eyes still staring back at him. He didn't look back to Yeosang who he heard taking a sip of his drink a little too loudly.

Hyunjin's hands left his ears, now supporting him up instead as he stared at Wooyoung, his mouth agape waiting for some explanation.

Stupid, Wooyoung was stupid, he was embarrassed and felt guilty because he got caught. A palm raises to cover his face he couldn't believe he thought he could get away with some stupid plan.. it wasn't even a thought out one, he just wanted to avoid San.. he didn't even know why? only the reasons he made up for Hongjoong and Yeosang.

"I'm Wooyoung.." he let out a sigh before continuing "..the same Wooyoung from the Haechan Neck account, I didn't want to tell you at first cause it's embarrassing honestly.. being known as ‘the flirt’ online would ruin our first impressions..but lying about it is probably worse but, I just panicked.."

Wooyoung had been keeping eye contact with San through the whole confession, practically pleading San to forgive him with his glassy eyes.

"it's okay I get it.. to be honest, I kinda knew you were Wooyoung um.. I was just waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to say it I guess..", the eye contact was broken for a few seconds as San tried to consider his next words, once connected again Wooyoung's eyes were starting to fill with more tears, "Really it's fine! we all have an online facade.. right?" San nods to himself and turns to the two others for a little help.

Yeosang was kinda thrown off by this reaction from San so he kept quiet while Hyunjin reassured "RIGHT! if you're hyuck's neck maybe we could be moots! you wouldn't happen to know King Xiaojun... "

Wooyoung was not expecting the conversation to turn to Hyunjin admitting he was an 18+ RP account. As Hyunjin rambled about his account being worse in ways they couldn't imagine, far worse than just flirting as a parody account, Yeosang nudged Woo as to say 'I told you so'.  

"you know since we're all friends and this has kinda cleared things up.." Yeosang started.

"Okay but I'm seriously really sorry, that was stupid and I don't wanna blame alcohol but I get more obnoxious when I'm tipsy.. and I was even panicking before so-"

Yeosang rested his hand on Woo's shoulder to calm him from babbling further.

"tsk Wooyoung obnoxious?" Hyunjin let out, laughing to himself while taking a sip of beer, when he finished he realised the others hadn't reacted. Maybe the alcohol was getting to him already. "woah. Wait ! that sounded offensive.. I meant like you're really not obnoxious if we're talking 'obnoxious'? we're talking Minho"

"So we're all good? Wooyoung you don't have to keep apologising, stop worrying about it" Yeosang reassured, hand now wrapped around Wooyoung's shoulders. San giggled at Woo's little pout and if Wooyoung's heart wasn't fluttering already it was racing now. "May I ask ..? did you do the same to Yeosang?"

"Well.. no Hongjoong got to him first"

"SO YOU WERE GONNA..?"

"No !Yeosang !"    "Bitch I know what you look like!"    "BITCH?! I didn't even know you could use that word!"

"Oh.." San seemed to be a little disappointed but no one seemed to notice, Woosang busy teasing each other while Hyunjin laughed at their banter.

"But wait, how'd you know I was Wooyoung? I mean like Haechan's Neck.." Wooyoung inquired turning back to San, sitting up fixing himself after sending Yeosang into a laughing fit with tickles.

"I recognised you from a photo you sent in the group chat"

"w-what?! which pic?"

"When you announced that you went back to your natural hair..? It was only half your face but.."

"I-"

"Idiot, you sent it to both group chats" Yeosang finished Wooyoung's sentence beginning another set of laughter for himself. Wooyoung gave a glare as a first warning, then raised his hands to his friend's waist threatening Yeosang with more tickles which got him to shut up immediately.

"But I was really doubting myself.. added up though. You and Yeosang, Seoul Uni.. but.. didn't you say to Min you weren't coming to the party?"

"We forgot about Min!" Yeosang exclaimed.

Thanks to San's question Wooyoung was reminded to check his phone, silently asking the group with his pointer finger up to excuse him for a moment as he scrolled through the 'PARTY' group chat’s messages. The others quietly waiting for some update on their mutual friend.

"He seems pretty content with Taeil"

Yeosang gave him a stern almost threatening look, "Twice, you said you'd be there for Min"

"Fine.. what do you want me to say?"

Woosang seemed to have a private conversation to themselves before Wooyoung was focused on his phone and Yeosang turned to question San, "Wait, Min said you weren't replying to him? and you haven't been active on the group chat"

Wooyoung whispered something being Yeosang's pick-up line, Yeosang ignoring him keeping his eyes on San like he was in trouble.

"I was busy being lost.. and classes and when I wasn't in class Seonghwa kept me busy" a gulp preceding San's answer.

San seemed to retreat a little to himself, head down unable to make eye contact with Yeosang which caused the latter to feel guilty.

"Sorry, of course you were.."

"To be fair we both were busy with each other too" Wooyoung said to ease the atmosphere, finally putting his phone back in his jacket's pocket.

"Well that's cause you wer-" Wooyoung knew Yeosang was going to make fun of his panic about San and the party, swiftly interrupting with another apology.

"Sorry I- .. We-we're all over the place but I just didn't want Mingi to feel alone or left out, so I um pretended I was busy with an assignment than coming to the party so he could text if he felt lonely.." Wooyoung explained.

"Oh .. that's actually really nice of you..."

Wooyoung didn't mean for anyone to feel guilty but that's how San felt now, knowing he was doing what he didn't want anyone to do to him to one of his best friends.

"I mean Wooyoung doesn't seem like the one.." "Wooyoung is just that nice" "-the kind to lie out of malice! he even taught me that phrase"

Hyunjin and Yeosang accidentally talked over each other but Hyunjin continued anyway, starting to become less aware of his surroundings. He was swaying side to side to the faint music, eyes closed barely open when he responded to the others.

They kept the conversation going, allowing some time for Woo to reply to Mingi and trying to distract Hyunjin from drinking any more. Soon their hyungs gathered with them, Hongjoong tried to slip away for Wooyoung's sake but Woo caught him, it wouldn't hurt they'd be leaving soon anyway.

Although Hongjoong couldn't even introduce himself before San announced that they should get going, saying it was getting late for a school night and Seonghwa wasn't in the best state either. Hongjoong seemed to match Hwa, their few more drinks than what they planned beginning to show some effect on them.

They exchanged goodbyes before introductions could take place, San and Minho helping Seonghwa stand straight, his arms around their shoulders, getting hold of him before he could flop down on top of the boys on the couch.

"Hhhow much longer you guys stayed? we-we we can have fun by ourselves"

Minho noticed Hyunjin's state which was.. pretty drunk for Hyunjin, he left San with Seonghwa while he tried to pull Hyunjin away to leave with them. Wooyoung didn't notice San already leaving with Seonghwa, preoccupied with a whining Hyunjin trying to get away from Minho's arms.

"I'll help you out with Hyunjin if Yeosang is alright enough to get Hongjoong" Wooyoung offered.

"awwhhhh Wooyoung-ah don'tlet-let- don't be such a killjoy cause of Minho!" Hyunjin grumbled escaping from Minho, only to stumble into Wooyoung's arms, face pressed to his classmate's chest causing him to giggle.

"Seriously Hyunjin, how's Kami gonna react seeing you like this?" Minho sighed finally trapping him.

"Ff*ck.. I forgot"

"You're not sleeping over, I'm surprised you didn't get a curfew"

Hyunjin stopped squirming, trying to get himself together when he remembered he'd be returning to his parents in his drunk state.

With the help of Minho and Wooyoung, he made his way down the stairs safely with Yeosang and Hongjoong following behind them, conversing about nonsense until they reached the bottom.

By the time they got down, Seonghwa was free from San's grip trying to make himself comfortable on the side of Minho's car, even after San offered his shoulder as they waited for their driver.

Minho took care of Hyunjin the rest of the way to his car, a few more waves goodbye before the 'Just gotta TOUCH' boys were all seated in the car.

San now in the passenger seat, Minho still the driver ready to take the boys home safely. The other two boys sharing the back seats, leaning on each other still somewhat awake but on the verge of sleep. Hyunjin trying to sober up before being dropped home to his parents but the alcohol in his system tempting him to a short nap. Seonghwa was out of it only half awake because he had some thoughts to discuss with the boys.

The trio left behind began their walk together after seeing Minho drive off. Wooyoung taking over Hongjoong duty knowing Yeosang's stop was only a five-minute walk away, although with their current pace the time could be doubled.

Wooyoung didn't know whether it was Yeosang slowing down in consideration for Hongjoongs drunken state or because he also wanted to enjoy more time together, even if they technically weren't alone. He appreciated it though, the dark night allowing stars to glow through even when the city lights fought against their shine. Setting the mood..

The odd car passing by allowing a flash of light to hit Yeosang, who was shielding the light from the slowpokes. 

The short distance they travelled so far was mostly filled with silence and a few grunts from Wooyoung struggling to keep Hongjoong up because he was distracted by Yeosang.

The few street lights they walked by flattered Yeosang's features with its warm rays, catching him in the process of thought.

Wooyoung was getting used to Joong's weight over his left shoulder. Yeosang suddenly turning back after taking in the stars, causing Wooyoung to trip on his step.

Yeosang meeting Wooyoung's admiring eyes as he looks back to check on the two. "You know you don't have to walk me back, maybe I should be helping you get Hongjoong back to yours"

"No we're getting-" "No no we'll get you back safe first!" Hongjoong speaks up, whispering a sorry for interrupting Wooyoung. "We're getting you safely back to your dorm, we can just take the bus from your place to ours. I can handle Joong"

Yeosang seemed to take their answer but then a smirk played on his lips before mentioning, mostly to Honjoong, that San was still looking for accommodation.

"Yeah I know Yeo.. I was in that conversation with you" Wooyoung tried to dismiss it.

"Yeo?" Both older males asked at the new nickname.

"What? you both call me Woo?? its just a nickname"

"huh, I like it.." Yeosang blushed on top of the residual tint of the alcohol in his system. He never really had nicknames from friends mostly just family but he was called "sangie" or "sang" and although Wooyoung had texted him the nickname before, it felt different hearing it out loud.

"Does that make me Hong?"

Wooyoung giggles at his Hyung still under the haze of alcohol, eyelids half open and sporting a small pout.

"hehe yeah, that makes you Hoooonnngg~" Messing with the pronunciation of the new nickname earning a disgusted judgemental look from the now called Hong. [like how he said in the one ep of ateez salary lupin]

"Soooo San..??" Yeosang starts up again after a few giggles from the '99 liners at Hongjoong's reaction. The trio now continuing their journey after their short pause.

"We said we'd do interviews sooo.." Wooyoung hoped his mention of their plan would prevent Hongjoong from thinking about just giving San the spare room.

"San..? but Seonghwa said-oh wait yeah we can get San an interview! he seems nice I mean we just goddamake sure he leaves the nsfw stuff on Twitter"

"pffft-" "JOONG!"

"I thought it was Hong!?" Yeosang blurts while laughing

-

San content staring out the window watching the street lights go by but he notices Seonghwa from the rearview mirror pouting. A small smile on his lips with his tongue peeking out trying to take a quick picture while the older had his eyes closed from drink and tiredness.

"Y'all didn't get to meet Hongjoong" he whined a little like a disappointed child when he saw San facing him. San is quick to take the picture and drop his phone but not quick enough to turn around before Seonghwa's eyes are fully open.

"Sorry Hwa-hyung, but I'm tired and you didn't seem to be handling the alcohol well" San spoke with a faint but reassuring smile before turning back to sit in his seat properly.

"San was the only one to not meet Hongjoong, and me and Hyunjin were literally right there" Minho added, trying to make Hwa less frowny-faced.

"Correction, Hyujin and I."

"Oh just shut it Jin and focus on sobering up before we get to your place, your lucky enough I'm giving you extra time heading to Seonghwa's first"

Hyujin is now sat straight, rolling his eyes at the driver sat in front of him. "Oh San! did you know Joong and Woo have space? maybe they can take you in" Hyunjin suggested while brushing his hand through his hair gathering himself together, it would only last a bit longer before he’s feeling woozy again.

"They do? but .. I don't know I-I don't wanna be taken in like a-a a stray cat.."

"I mean you're not far from one" Minho commented flashing San a smile before quickly turning attention back to the road. San was always compared to a cat sometimes even to his own cat by Mingi and his parents. He didn't know whether it was because of his physical features or personality, maybe even both? But he was surprised and flattered that Minho noticed since he had three cats of his own.

"I-I didn't mean for it to sound like that! what is wrong with me today ahhhggghh"

"you're literally always like this?" Minho replies when he spots Hyunjin throwing his head into his hands in an exasperated manner.

Seonghwa was mumbling something about Mingi and Yeosang in the last few minutes of their drive. He didn’t form enough coherent words for the others to make sense of it. 

They finally reached the house. San was glad that Seonghwa’s aunt was already asleep but kept the door open for them. Somehow San manages to help Seonghwa into bed and takes off his make up, not bothering to try changing him into PJs. He also ends up charging Hwa’s phone and setting an alarm for him before he takes care of himself. 

San plops himself on the bottom bunk of Seonghwa’s older cousin’s bunk bed staying in the room across from Seonghwa, for now at least. Bringing the nearest plushie to his chest to cuddle that night San also picks up his phone to check up on the others. 

-

Pan ic : 

Well the jig is up! don’t know how far pretending to be jongho wouldve gone anyway..

also didn’t Hong say something about not drinking too much earlier and he’s going home like that?? i think seongjoong bad influence on each other but wooo ooo WooSang going strong ... for now 

pt.21 < Masterlist > pt.22.5

[ Social Media Woosan AU:

Having finished his first year of college, Wooyoung spends his summer with friends.. online friends mostly., friends made through his Lee Donghyuck parody acc..

Will he be ready to spend his second year with these crackheads ? and what if his twt crush starts attending his university ? ]

A/N if the hyung isnt always accurate its because they are close friends and dont say it often.. also its been awhile .... college was hard second semester soo i didn’t get a chance until recently sooo sorry its very late 

[comeondowntosouthparkrpg-blog]

Leopold “Butters” Stotch

hi! i think i’ve worked out that i’ve reached the activity limit with my overall replies & discord rp-ing (16 replies overall) but, if not, I’m happy to leave this in your inbox until it’s ready x

out of character info

Name/Alias: Grace Pronouns: She/Her Age: 23 Join Our Discord: Yes – already in x Timezone: GMT Activity: 8 Triggers: N/A Password: Jimmy can fast pass my ass Character that you’re applying for: Leopold “Butters” Stotch Favourite ships for your character: Butters/Kenny, Butters/Eric, Butters/Chemistry

in character info (heavy trigger warning for parental abuse and neglect throughout !!)

Full name: Leopold “Butters” Stotch Birthday: 11th September 2000 Sexuality, gender, pronouns: bisexual, male, he/him  Age and grade: 17, senior.

Appearance: 

Butters is cursed with eternal baby-face: chubby cheeks and big blue eyes. Even his hair is as soft and fluffy as the day he was born, with his parents making sure that he never deviates from his short-back-and-sides style by cutting it themselves every Sunday evening. That’s not the only thing that hasn’t changed; his clothing style is as sweet and standard as his middle school days – boot-cut jeans, comfortable sneakers and the teal fleece his mom bought for his 15th birthday (he’s barely grown, since). Sometimes, Butters will experiment with a graphic-tee, his favourite being his array of Hello Kitty Island Adventure merchandise, or bright coloured polo. 

Butters stands at just under average height and just over average weight, with a cute bit of chub on his belly that he doesn’t think will ever go (he’s banned from visiting the gym after his dad’s bathhouse escapades). One time, his mom threatened to fatten him up so much that he’d never be able to leave, and he’s never been able to budge the extra weight, since. He doesn’t mind, though: he’s as body positive as can be, and thinks that anyone who don’t think he’s handsome ain’t looking hard enough.

Personality: 

Butters is a mess, frankly, though he thinks he’s just an ordinary fella living life as anyone should: by being kind and helping others. He’s dangerously gullible and painstakingly naïve, with a generous soul even after everything he’s been through. He just wants to do right by the world, especially his friends. He has a strong sense of justice, though this can be easily manipulated to the point where he’ll believe that what’s wrong is right and what’s right is wrong. Despite often being misguided, he’ll stick by his guns and stay true to himself when the time comes. He’s got better at standing up for himself as he’s got older, too, and isn’t afraid to put his foot down and say heck no if necessary. Most days, he's very confident in his own skills and self-image, but that can all change with one comment. 

His disrespect for authority is an interesting personality trait. He’ll fudge the police and tell his teachers to go suck a popsicle, but there’s two people he can’t say no to. Butters has been gaslighted his entire life, and the emotional and physical abuse he receives from his parents has led to humiliating and childlike obedience (what 18-year-old accepts being grounded for using twitter after 9pm?). When he’s caught doing wrong by his parents, all his self-confidence and cowboy-like bravado is shot to smithereens: he’s just a no good miscreant who ain’t gonna amount to nothin’, so he may as well give up on his dreams and stick to bein’ a plain ol’ nobody.

History:

Butters was born to Linda and Stephen Stotch on 11th September 2000. Ever since that fateful day, his life has been nothing but chaos and control and, though he wakes up to the sound of his own screams every night, he’s grateful for every opportunity he gets. It would be impossible to write all of his ups and downs in a couple of paragraphs, but there are two things that have really shaped Butters as a person.

One: his family. Stephen Stotch uses fear to control his son whilst his mom, Linda, is dangerously protective. Though seventeen, Butters still calls his dad ‘sir’ to his face and does what he’s told or faces severe consequences. The night that his mom asked him to stalk his father to the bathhouse changed a lot of things; he saw the internalised secrets and lies that have corrupted both of his parents and has watched them wear white-picket-fence masks in public every damn day since. He saw his dad embrace his sexuality yet treat it as a sin. He experienced his mom, breaking down, vulnerable and distressed, ready to kill her own son. Not to mention the time he was sold to Paris Hilton as a pet. Linda and Stephen Stotch are manipulative and controlling parents whose ‘love’ of their son, however much they fret over him and cover him with kisses, will never make up for the trauma instilled in him.

Two: his friends. Scrotie McBoogerballs, AWESOME-O, Good Times with Weapons, Marjorine, Casa Bonita. The list of shenanigans that Butters been apart of, and victim of, is endless. He’s been locked in a fridge, publicly shamed on television and stabbed in the eye with a shuriken, yet he still hangs out with these guys. Why? Because he was never part of the gang in kindergarten, and he’s never really had a true friend, someone who has made the effort to see what he’s been through and respect him regardless. Besides, hanging with these guys (whatever injuries and humiliation they bring to him) has given him a strength he never knew he had. He’s become a pimp, rekindled his confidence to dance, got his wiener out at school, become a best-selling novelist and, best of all, learned to say no to Eric Cartman. Not bad for a good-for-nothin’.

  Sample paragraph: (At least two paragraphs, centred around your character)

For the first time in a long time, Butter’s internal sludge pile of shame and humiliation is joined by anger. He’s so gosh darn mad that he don’t care who knows it, but no-one is gonna know it, ‘cause he got no cell, no internet, and no hope’a gettin’ outta his stupid ol’ room. It’s the same ol’ story: Eric and the fellas convinced him to get a fake ID so they could get some sorta fancy alcohol for Bebe’s party tonight. Kyle said it had to be him, ‘cause he looks the oldest, and he’s the best actor outta all of ‘em. Butters ain’t sure if that’s true, but he appreciated the compliment, and it’s a bad pal that says no to a favour, especially when the entire party rested on his hands.

He got the booze, alright. And he was nice and proud of himself, until Eric said it was the wrong one. Ain’t no one wants to drink this kindergarten crap, Eric said, we’re men now, we gotta drink whiskey. Well, Butters thinks whiskey tastes like butt, and ain’t no one wants to taste butt, ‘cept maybe Kenny. He thought the blue an’ pink bottles looked cute and bubblegum is his favourite flavour, no doubt about it, but maybe he should’a followed the plan and done what he was told. Darn it all.

He was in trouble with the guys, but at least he weren’t in trouble with his mom and dad, and that meant he’d finally be able to go to a real life party, maybe show off his dancin’ skills and eat some cheese and pineapple sticks. But then they found his fake idea when doin’ their routine search’a his room, and all hell broke loose. You ain’t goin’ anwhere today, mister, they said, you’re gonna sit right here on your tushie an’ think about the consequences of identity fraud. I’m goin’ to that party, Buttons said, puttin’ his foot down. Well, that  just about earned a slap around the noggin and a week without his cell, so he couldn’t even tell the fellas he weren’t comin’ tonight.

A knock on his window jolts him outta his angry pacing. He doesn’t want to look up, ‘cause he knows it’s probably Eric, comin’ over just to make fun of his current predicament and boast all about how much fun he’s gonna have tonight. Well Butters weren’t gonna have it, no sir-ee. He puts his hands on his hips and he gets ready to march right over there and give Eric a proper telling to, but then he sees it ain’t Eric, it’s Kenny, an’ he got a proper determined look on his face.

“We’re breaking you out,” Kenny says, an’ Butters ain’t gonna argue this time.

Headcanons: 

Butters still plays Hello Kitty Island Adventures, but he’s also a massive animal crossing fan. Any game that lets him escape his house, have some independence, and talk to (or raise) cute animals can keep him hooked for hours. Unfortunately, his mom and dad turn the internet off at 9pm and keep his phone in their bedroom at night. 

Butters keeps his sexuality a secret from his parents, and it’s no surprise why. After his mom found out about his dad’s trip to the bathhouse (subsequently attempting to murder her son) and after a gruelling (and very confusing) trip to conversion camp, Butters thought it best to hide any ‘abnormal’ feelings. Fortunately, his friends and their often open sexualities has made him feel comfortable and confident with himself, and he’s resoundingly grateful for it.

He is quietly considering his gender and what it means to be Butters. At the moment, he doesn’t think he needs to put a name to it, but it doesn’t hurt to research, and he’s ecstatic to see he isn’t the only one who doesn’t sit on one end of the binary. Though exploring the possibility of being non-binary, he’s happy to be referred to by male pronouns for now.

Butters wants to be a pre-school teacher, even after what happened to Ms. Claridge. He loves drawing and storytelling and wants to share those gifts to others, helping kids who might not be happy at home.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t think his mum will let him go as far as college without having a breakdown or threatening something real bad. Though his parents have started to treat him a little better as he’s got older, their distrust of the world around them, and of their son, has grown rapidly.

Butters works part-time at the ice cream parlour and adds something special to every sale. Most of the time he uses the wafers and chocolate chips to make little teddy bears, but his extra special treat (for people he really likes) is the unicorn uni-cone with lots of sparkles.

Butters is a wonderful artist! He loves using watercolour pencils and paint the best and though his work isn’t always the most profound (it’s usually portraits of his friends or cute animals he sees), it's always beautifully coloured and full of love.  

Anything else: thank u guys 4 the opportunity

[deer-head-xiris]

We’re Ok.

(This is an RP between myself and @thefoodwiththedood​ for their character Hes and my Xiris! All named OC clones belong to Wyatt as well :>

Full fic under the cut!)

Deer-Head-Xiris.

The supply ships began their descent toward the planet’s surface, Xiris at the helm with their master Aayla Secura and Commander Bly. The destruction from the battles on the ground was visible the moment they broke through the thick cloud cover. Remnants of bombings and blaster fire encased the surface like fresh wounds, a few fires still burning around fallen battle droids and clone trooper vessels. It’s awful, Xiris thought, they couldn’t even tell who the victor was from this . “We’re approaching General Krell’s basecamp.” Reported the piloting clone trooper. “Very good,” Aayla responded, “from the looks of it, I’m sure we have our work cut out for us...” Bly spoke lowly, “I’m wondering how much this victory was worth, if I’m gonna be honest.” Xiris hopped onto their Master’s shoulders, “this is Krell’s work, right? Didn’t Nat say they didn’t like him-“ They were cut off by Aayla holding a finger to her own lips, whispering in response, “Shhh, Xiris- now is not the time for that, Krell’s men need our help.” Xiris whispered to her quiet enough to where only she and Bly could hear, “I know, I know- but still...” Aayla sighed in response, “Do not start anything you may regret, padawan. I trust Nat’s judgement of others as much as you do, but we must focus on the task at hand.” Xiris nodded, a heaviness settling in their gut as the basecamp came to view. There were hardly any troopers visible at all, many if not all of them clearly injured but still helping to treat others in worse condition. There were a few tents, however, and Xiris hoped there were more survivors there.

Aayla put a hand on Bly’s shoulder, motioning for Xiris to go over to him. “Commander, you and Xiris go to the wounded. I’m to meet Master Krell in the main tent, I’ll be joining with you two again later on.”

“Yes, General.” Bly brushed a hand against Aayla’s, a silent gesture of affection the two of them had developed as a ‘goodbye’ for while they’re on duty. Xiris noticed this each time, but knew better than to speak of it.

The ships landed, troopers hurrying off to assist with supplies. Bly and Xiris made their way to a large concentration of injured clones, going to speak with the other commanding officers. Xiris hopped off of Bly’s shoulders and went to assess the situation for themself. They walked over to a clone who was unconscious on a makeshift stretcher, his right leg missing. It was hard not to be overwhelmed by all of this pain, Xiris was often too empathetic for their own good. No matter how many battles they joined, it never got easier at this point. They reached their small hand out to hold the clone’s hand, gripping it gently.

TheFoodWithTheDood.

"He'll be okay," Luhsanuhes piped up, walking towards the Lurmen. She'd been surprised to see them at first as she walked into camp, just as she'd been too shy to speak up immediately. The way they grabbed Greaser's hand helped to settle her nerves, however---somehow, that made them seem more kind than strange. Luhsanuhes joined them at Greaser's cot, setting a hand on his shoulder. "Our medics are some of the best in the army," she sighed deeply, reflecting on the past battle "we need 'em more than the rest of the army, too"

Deer-Head-Xiris.

Xiris was somewhat startled when they were approached, as their focus had been fairly intense just a moment before. They nodded in response, however, acknowledging the new presence.

“I can understand why…” they responded, eyes moving from the clone to the devaronian girl. “You are Krell’s padawan, yes? I’m Xiris, Master Secura’s padawan.” They extended their hand to her, removing it from the Clone’s grasp.

TheFoodWithTheDood.

After a moment's hesitation, Luhsanuhes took her hand from Greaser and shook Xiris's. "Commander Luhsanuhes Kassonchuav Chad'tekt, at your service," she smiled embassedly, realizing Xiris probably didn't care about full military titles "You can shorten that, though, if you want---Oh, and...this is Greaser" she gestured to the trooper on the cot, gently squeezing his hand as Xiris had done. "He jumped on a grenade to save me and General Krell---I mean, he didn't ask if the general was alright when I helped him here, but I'm sure he meant to save the both of us"

Deer-Head-Xiris.

They regarded the clone once more, silently wishing him well before responding.

“Luhsa...nuhes,” they carefully spoke her name, attempting to get it correct, but to their dismay, they couldn’t keep up with the rest of the name. They were relieved when she said they could shorten it, “Oh! Hmm, would you mind if I called you Hes? Or Lucy, whatever you’d like!” Their ears perked up as they suggested names, they enjoyed creating familiarity with new people.

TheFoodWithTheDood.

"Hes..." Luhsanuhes repeated the nickname---it was only the last syllable of her first name, but it had a certain ring to it. A comforting sound, almost. "That's...yeah, I like that!" She stifled a giddy laugh, but she couldn't stop herself from at least smiling. "I mean, everyone usually just calls me 'commander', but that's way better!"

Deer-Head-Xiris.

Xiris beamed a big smile at her, satisfied with their work. “Ohh yes!! I’m glad you like it!”

Xiris occasionally had the honor of gifting names to a few new clone recruits, and this had a similar good feeling to it. Their mood quickly reverted, however, as they heard Commander Bly call their name, and they remembered what their purpose of being there was.

“Commander Xiris,” he spoke as he walked over. He held his helmet under his arm, nodding to them both, “Commander Luhsanuhes,” he acknowledged, and as opposed to Xiris, Bly had no trouble with names. He returned his attention to Xiris, “I’ve just gotten word that there still may be surviving troopers on the field. General Krell is to stay here and oversee the relief efforts, but General Secura has requested our assistance in search and rescue.” He looked back to Hes, “I’ve not received specific orders for you from Krell, Commander, but I’m sure we could use your help, if you choose to assist.”

TheFoodWithTheDood.

"Sure---I mean, of course, commander" Hes said, quickly regaining her composure. There was a twinge of optimism in her voice, though, for she knew hanging out with Xiris for a while longer would be fun. She'd only just met them, but she already knew she wanted to be their friend. "Oh, I should call in Deckard, he might be a help too," Hes pushed a button on her wrist-com, lifting it to her face. "Deckard, you still alive, buddy? General Secura's men and I are going out for a search n' rescue op. We could use your help, if you're not busy." "Affirmative" the ARC trooper on the other end of the comm said, prefaced with a deep, tired sigh. "I'll meet you outside the camp." "Copy that, D, thanks," Hes replied, turning off the comlink. She worried she might be tearing him away from some important work, but she also knew she'd be better company for him than Krell.

Deer-Head-Xiris.

“Glad to have you along, Commander.” Bly said, putting on his helmet as Xiris climbing up to his shoulders.

“Oh boy! A mission with Hes!” Xiris spoke excitedly from their perch.

Bly led the way toward a few speeders, already knowing their destination. “We received a distress call to the east. The signal was weak, I suspect there’s a soldier trapped under a tank or something similar.”

TheFoodWithTheDood.

"Could be," Hes replied, scenes from the battle flashing in her mind as she thought about what could have happened. "I just hope everyone's alright," "Commander," Deckard said, causing Hes to turn and face him. He looked as disheveled as ever, yet somehow even more tired than during the battle. Seeing Xiris and Bly, he instinctively stood at attention. "ARC-2049, reporting for duty."

Deer-Head-Xiris.

Xiris waved at the ARC trooper, always glad to have new people along.

Bly nodded to him, “Appreciate the help, soldier.” He climbed onto his speeder, Xiris still with him. “Let’s make this mission a quick one, there’s too many brothers in need.”

He revved his engine, waiting for the others to board theirs. “General Secura has gone ahead of us, we’ll meet her there.”

TheFoodWithTheDood.

Hes and Deckard boarded and started their speeders, ready to follow Xiris and Bly's lead. "Let's not keep them waiting," Hes said.

Deer-Head-Xiris.

Bly led the group across the battlefield, driving through clouds of smoke and ash. His and Xiris’ wrist coms beeped, each of them promptly answering the call. Aayla’s voice was heard through the speakers, along with the distinct sound of her saber deflecting blaster fire.

“Bly, Xiris!” She shouted, “I’m at the wreckage, the soldier is trapped within-“ the sound reverberated again, “I've been ambushed- a group of remaining droids also heard the distress signal, the quicker you all get here, the better!”

Bly promptly gained speed as soon as he heard the first blaster shot, “We’re on our way, General! Hold tight!”

Xiris hadn’t been expecting to be fighting today, but knowing their master was in danger, they were more than ready to throw down. They took their sabers off of their belt, situating them into the staff position. They shouted back toward Hes and Deckard, “the battle’s not over yet, be ready!”

TheFoodWithTheDood.

"Got it!" Hes called back, nodding to Deckard. The two accelerated to match Xiris and Bly's pace, and soon they saw the wreckage of the tank in the distance. Sure enough, blue and red blaster bolts were criss-crossing through the kicked-up dust, and as they approached the squabble Hes could clearly make out the sound of marching droids. Quickly, she unclipped the guard shotos from her belt, and Deckard pulled one of his blasters from its holster.

Deer-Head-Xiris.

Aayla had been backed up against the large vehicle that the clone was trapped in, fighting tooth and nail to keep both of them in one piece. She’d already taken out a number of droids, their metal corpses piling up at her feet, but many were still showing up.

Bly skidded his speeder to a stop, intentionally using the momentum to fling Xiris off toward the droids. They bellowed out a shrieking battle cry as they ignited their lightsaber, plunging right through 4 battle droids and landing next to their master.

Bly drew his blasters and charged in behind them, “I thought the droids were all taken out?!” He shouted over his blaster fire, joining his General and Commander.

“I was also under that assumption-“ Aayla responded, “somehow, we were misinformed.”

A few droideka came toward Hes and Deckard, as a tall octuptarra tri-droid approached the group further off, shooting cannon rounds at them as its giant form gaped across the landscape.

TheFoodWithTheDood.

"I got the tripod!" Hes shouted, jumping from her speeder and landing with both her tonfa ignited. "D, take the rollers!" "On it, sir!" Deckard shouted, grabbing three thermal detonators from his backpack. Still riding his speeder, he rushed behind the droideka and threw the detonators into the wind, allowing them to slow up as they fell. Each one met its mark, passing through the droids' ray shields and blowing them to bits as he sped past. He came to a stop just past them, hopping behind his speeder for cover and blasting every droid that came near him. Meanwhile, Hes ran towards the Tri-droid, jumping left and right to dodge the shots from its cannons. Once she was close enough to the droid, she slid to a stop underneath it, and in one quick motion she swung her Tonfa around towards one of its legs, creating two clean cuts: one on top of the other. With a sharp inhale, Hes used the Force to push out the section between them, sending the piece flying away from her. Unable to support itself, the droid toppled to the ground beside her, and as Hes stabbed her sabers into its head, it finally ceased to move.

Deer-Head-Xiris.

Aayla made quick work of the remaining droids on the ground now that Xiris and Bly could protect the vessel. One after the other she cut them down, using the force to blow the last few to pieces. The battle was quick, but a new stress was present in the air.

“Master! Hes!” Xiris shouted to the two in the battlefield, “we need to get him out of this thing, it’s sprung a gas leak!”

Aayla turned her head, noticing a fire creeping toward the vessel. She reached a hand out, holding back the flames with the force.

“I will keep the flames at bay, you four get that soldier out of there!”

Xiris nodded, hastily moving to also use the force. “Hes, help me tear this thing apart! We can hold the ship up while Bly and Deckard get him out!”

TheFoodWithTheDood.

"Right!" Hes ran back towards the tank, joining Xiris near its cockpit. With a deep breath, she closed her eyes and focused her strength on the machine, ready to lift on Xiris's cue.

Deer-Head-Xiris.

“Slowly,” Xiris said, beginning to lift the broken top layers off of the craft.

Through the creaking and scraping of metal, a muted, pain-filled cry could be heard from within. Once the ship had been sufficiently torn in half, the clone was finally visible.

Without hesitation, Commander Bly darted toward him, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him up as carefully as he could in a rush. The injured trooper was in terrible shape- blood dripping out and staining his once shiny armor.

TheFoodWithTheDood.

Deckard dashed forward to help, joining Bly as they pulled the soldier the rest of the way. Once they were clear of the ship, Deckard let go of the trooper's arm and set him gently on the ground.

Deer-Head-Xiris.

With the soldier safe, Xiris released their force hold on the ship, dropping it into a clanging heap.

Bly made a quick assessment of the injured clone’s condition. “He’ll live,” Bly stated, “but we gotta get him back to camp quick.”

Aayla pushed the flames back far enough to give them all time to mount their vehicles, running over to her own. “Let us not waste time, then,” Aayla spoke with an intensity in her voice that was not present before, “I need to have a chat with General Krell about this.”

TheFoodWithTheDood.

A chill ran up Hes's spine as General Secura said that, and she shared a worried glance with Deckard as she too released her hold on the tank. No one knew better than them that General Krell didn’t respond well to confrontation. The mere fact that they'd left their posts to save one soldier would already have him furious, so there was no telling what he'd do if General Secura tried to criticize him. Nevertheless, Hes boarded her speeder, and as Deckard loaded the injured soldier onto his speeder he did the same. They'd all just have to face the music together.

Deer-Head-Xiris.

“Master Pong Krell!” Aayla Secura was on the verge of shouting as she approached the main tent, a sternness present in her voice that Xiris had never heard before.

General Krell turned away from his screen as he heard his name, finding Master Secura walking toward him with Bly and Xiris close behind.

“Is there a problem, Master Secura?” Krell asked, unenthused by whatever she was fixing to be on about.

“You had told me all enemy forces had been defeated,” she crossed her arms, veering up at him, “we were just ambushed on our rescue run, explain this.”

“Rescue run?” Krell questioned, “I’d gathered all our groups. We have enough to deal with here as it is, and you saw fit to go on some crusade while there’s clones dying here?”

“THAT clone was dying,” Aayla stated. “You left him behind to perish, and misled me to believe that you’d cleared this planet of its droid presence.”

Aayla’s accusatory tone was beginning to get on Krell’s nerves, “Are you telling me you left base to save just one clone? How unbelievable-“

“Do NOT tell me what is believable,” Aayla abruptly cut him off, “it was irresponsible to deceive me and my troops into believing this was no longer a battle zone just to have us bring you medical support. My fleet is not fitted for battle. You’ve not only further endangered your men, you have brought mine into your mess as well.”

“The droids are kept at bay, Master Secura.” Krell’s teeth were visible through his sneer, “My strategy has ensured that they’ll no longer attack our base with their current numbers, they’re too weak to make an attempt at the camp, even with our own condition.”

“Your ‘strategy’ killed half your men!” Xiris couldn’t help piping in, “what kind of General incorporates leaving men behind into their battle plan?!” their sudden presence in the conversation caused Krell’s seething gaze to shoot down at them.

“You teach your padawan to run her mouth, Aayla?” Krell’s voice was unsettlingly quieter now, each word piercing into Xiris like needles. Xiris instinctively grasped at Bly’s leg armor to feel less isolated and small, Bly shifting his position to have him between them and Krell. Krell looked back to Aayla, his words maintained their chilled cruelty, “She’s taking after you quite well then, I see.”

“They are speaking the truth.” She hissed back, maintaining her disposition, “And they certainly seem to know more than you. You can save your insolent excuses for the council, Krell. I’m calling in for reinforcements. You’re being relieved of this mission, effective immediately.”

TheFoodWithTheDood.

Hes had planned to follow her new friends into their talk with Krell, but when she heard the shouting begin it was all she could do to stay near the entrance of the tent and not run away. She and Deckard just stood a small distance behind Xiris and Bly, watching helplessly as their general got angrier and angrier. Then, Xiris became the target of Krell's fury. They shouted up at him, and for a brief instance, Hes feared for their life. She'd certainly been punished by Krell for less---thankfully, though, Xiris was able to retreat behind Bly once Krell got confrontational with them. At that point, Hes was almost reduced to tears; she wanted to run away from Krell, or stand up for Xiris, or do anything, but she was frozen in her tracks. Her shoulders began to shake and her breath became shallow, but as Deckard gently set his hand on her shoulder, she was able to steady herself. She had no idea how much longer she could keep her composure, though, as she feared that she would be the next one to get yelled at by Krell.

Deer-Head-Xiris.

Further attempts at prolonging the argument were made, but met with no success. Defeated, Krell’s heavy steps stormed past Aayla’s crew. He stopped only to stare down Hes, a silent signal for her and Deckard to follow him out.

TheFoodWithTheDood.

Silently, Hes nodded to him, saying nothing and turning her gaze to the floor. She'd been defeated before she could even get a word in. Deckard followed the general out immediately, but Hes took a second to look toward Xiris, silently apologizing for both her general's temper and her own cowardice.

Deer-Head-Xiris.

Xiris peered out from behind Bly’s leg at Hes and Deckard, sensing the distress. “Will they have to leave, too?” Xiris asked, “Hes and Deckard, I mean.”

“I will only request Krell to have reassignment for now,” Aayla responded, understanding Xiris’ concern. “Those two are not at fault for this, their help here would be preferable.” She put a hand on Xiris’s head, patting gently, “I will do all I can to see to that, I promise.”

Xiris nodded, watching at the tent’s opening with worried eyes.

Krell stopped in his tracks, back facing his padawan and the ARC trooper, now a decent distance from the main tent.

“You went with them,” he spoke. An accusatory statement, rather than a question, but still one demanding a response.

TheFoodWithTheDood.

Hes stood in shock for a moment before turning and walking towards Krell, averting her gaze despite him facing away from her. "Y-yes, general," she eked out, once again on the verge of tears. "I thought...I mean, I wanted to---" "General, if I may interject," Deckard chimed in, cutting off Hes's stuttering and walking up next to Krell. "It was my idea to accompany Commander Bly and Commander Eksvee---I had a feeling something was off about the situation, so I requested Commander Chad'tekt come with us for extra backup. Her only intent was to ensure our safety." Once again, Hes wanted to speak out---Deckard was always taking the fall for her mistakes, always getting yelled at by Krell when she deserved to. She wanted to tell the truth, but once again, her fear paralyzed her. All she could do was wait for the General to pass judgement.

Deer-Head-Xiris.

Krell peered over from behind his shoulder, staring both of them down for a second before turning to face them.

“Your ‘feelings’ were wrong, ARC-2049,” he spoke low, “even if what you told me just now was true, you should have checked with me before making a stupid decision. And as for you, Commander Chad’tekt,” he loomed over her, dread filling the air. “All I have done for you, and you still manage to disappoint me.” His teeth shown yet again, in anger.

TheFoodWithTheDood.

Hes looked up at him for but a moment, once again looking toward the ground the instant her eyes met his. "I apologize, General. It won't happen again." Deckard moved as if he had something to say too, but he ultimately stayed silent.

Deer-Head-Xiris.

“I’ll see to it.” He said, perhaps intending to say or do more at the time, but something behind the padawan and clone caught his eye.

Xiris was trotting on over toward them, a holo pad in hand.

“General Krell,” they approached him, determination in their steps. “The council has given you re-assignment.”

Krell took the holo pad from them, almost yanking it out of their hand when they gave it, to which Xiris frowned up at him. He looked over the screen, a deep dissatisfaction settling on his features.

“I’m to return to Coruscant and meet with the council in person…” anger made itself apparent once more, “... while Padawan Chad’tekt oversees my troops?!”

Xiris, mighty proud to be the one to deliver that news, shot a sly smile up at him, “Yes Sir, thems is the orders!”

He all but growled down at them, but could see Aayla watching them all from the tent with her arms crossed. He restrained himself, handing the holo pad back to Xiris. He looked back to Hes, shooting a ‘we’re not finished here’ look at her, before stomping off to his ship.

Once Krell was out of earshot, Xiris tugged at Hes’ hand, “I’m sorry, Hes. I didn’t mean to get you and Deckard in trouble... Hopefully a break from his presence will be good for you.”

TheFoodWithTheDood.

"Its okay...we're okay" Hes almost whispered, still reeling from Krell's berating. With a deep breath, she turned to Xiris, smiling as she gently squeezed their hand. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I wanted to stick up for you there, but...I..." her voice trailed off and she looked away, realizing there was no excuse for freezing up like that. Thankfully, Deckard broke the silence for her. "We...have a lot of work left to do," he said, grabbing Hes's attention, "You're in charge for now, Commander---what are your orders?" "Give everyone some time to rest, first of all," Hes said, some confidence returning to her voice. "Once everyone's feeling ready, we'll get to work fixing things up." "Thank you, sir" Deckard replied, sighing with relief as he walked off towards the other troopers' tents. As Hes watched him go, she suddenly realized she'd been holding Xiris's hand the whole time. She quickly let them go, uttering a quiet 'sorry' out of embarrassment.

Deer-Head-Xiris.

Xiris had been looking up at Hes with wide, dilated pupils when she’d held their hand for that long, way too happy about it.

Aayla walked up to them now that Krell was gone, “anything that’s gone wrong here I can say for certain was Krell’s doing,” she said to Hes, “I won’t have you or your troopers blaming yourselves for following or not following his orders on this mission. We must focus on taking care of each other now, ok?” She smiled at Hes and Xiris, “As Commander Hes ordered, it is time we all got some rest.”

TheFoodWithTheDood.

"Thank you, Gene---er, Master," Hes said, catching herself halfway through. Somehow, she felt more comfortable calling Aayla 'master'---she was how a Jedi should be, not a warmonger like Krell. With a happy yet tired sigh, Hes turned to Xiris. "I'm gonna go check on Deckard and the others, see how everyone's feeling---wanna come with?" she asked, smiling. "I'm sure all the guys would wanna meet the person who sent Krell packing"

Deer-Head-Xiris.

Bly called to Aayla from the main tent, requesting her presence for something. She bid the two padawans farewell for the moment, excusing them to do what they please.

Xiris waved to Bly from the tent, then nodded up at Hes, “Oh yes!! I’d love to meet everyone!” They hopped once in excitement, “I can help treat the wounded, too!”

TheFoodWithTheDood.

Hes couldn't help but laugh---Xiris's enthusiasm was proving to be contagious. "That would be great! C'mon, everyone's probably hanging out near the barracks," Hes ran over peeked around the corner of one of the tents, and sure enough, six troopers (Deckard included) were sitting and talking quietly around a small fire. Hes walked forward to join them, beckoning Xiris to follow her.

Deer-Head-Xiris.

Xiris trotted along after her, following close behind as they both approached the others.

TheFoodWithTheDood.

As Hes rounded the corner, she took a quick note of which troopers were there. Deckard was of course the first one she recognized---he was laying on the ground opposite the campfire, his helmet at his side and his head resting on his crossed arms. She thought he was sleeping at first, but he gave her a quick smile and wave as she walked by, which she returned. A ways off from Deckard, Hes spotted Chain, quietly humming into his harmonica. A bloodied bandage was wrapped around his head, obviously a wound from the battle. Opposite from him, Rancor and Gundark played rock-paper-scissors with their two shared good arms. They'd lost their left and right arms, respectively, to the same landmine, but that never seemed to bother the two---they were inseparable even before that, so one pair of arms was enough for the two of them to share. Next to them, Ramsey was sitting closer to the fire, holding a ration bar skewered on a stick over the flames. She watched as he brought it to his nose and gave it a quick sniff before returning it to the fire to cook a little longer. Hes never figured out how he was able to make military slop taste like gourmet cuisine, but somehow, he always managed it. Finally, right across from Hes, Scrap was threading two more battle droid fingers onto his ever-expanding necklace. In any other battalion he would have been reported to his C.O. and court-marshalled, but with Krell's battalion, the camaraderie and dislike for the General was so strong that no one dared to rat him out. As Hes walked in and caught the troops' eyes, they all immediately stopped what they were doing and stood at attention, thinking that Krell wasn't far behind her. "At ease, guys," Hes said, understanding their concern, "General Krell's been ordered back to Coruscant, effective a couple minutes ago," she turned back and gestured towards Xiris, "Thanks to them. Xiris, meet Ramsey, Rancor, Gundark, Scrap, Chain, and---well, you know Deckard already."

Deer-Head-Xiris.

Xiris waved, giving them all a big smile. “Hello!! It’s nice to meet you all!” They scratched at their head, “It wasn’t all me, though... Master Aayla reported him to the council. The rest of this mission’s gonna be carried out without ‘em.”

TheFoodWithTheDood.

Hearing this, the troopers breathed a collective sigh of relief, and they sat back down. "Glad to hear it," Chain spoke up, "maybe we'll finally be able to get back in shape before Krell throws us at the clankers again, eh?" "Hope so," Ramsey chimed in, pausing to blow on his charred ration bar. "Still, I worry if we'll even be able to. I mean, this time it was little more than us and the medic crew that made it out in one piece---who knows how many of us'll make it through the next 'Full Frontal Assault'?" he made air quotes with his fingers as he said it. "Full frontal death-march, more like," "C'mon guys, we'll make it through," Hes said, attempting to lighten the mood. "I know Krell can be a little reckless at times, but it's only because he's dedicated to the Republic's victory," "Easy for you to say, Commander," Scrap scoffed, still working on his necklace. "Only reason you don't get thrown out there with us is you're harder to repla---hey!" He was cut off by Gundark punching him in the shoulder, and a stern look from Rancor shut him up. Hes sighed. "It's okay, guys, he's not wrong. I wish I could change how Krell thought about Clones, but...you know how he is. I hope you all know I don’t agree with him, though. I could never replace you guys---not even you, Scrap." Scrap couldn't help but smile at that. "Thanks, boss".

Deer-Head-Xiris.

Xiris watched with wide eyes, listening intently to the words the soldiers spoke about their general. They couldn’t understand how Krell could feel alright treating them how he does, you’d think a Jedi- a Master, no less, would know better. They hadn’t the words to console these soldiers, they knew that their experiences were nothing that they alone could atone. But they could, at least, bring them more good news.

“I’m sorry you’ve all been through this… My Master has called in for extra support, no one’s gonna make any of you fight here again while we have a say about it.”

TheFoodWithTheDood.

"Well, we really appreciate that, Commander" Ramsey replied, smiling. "It's nice to know there're Generals in the army who still care about us." He paused once again to pull his ration bar from the fire, and after blowing on it again, he decided it was ready. Carefully, he pulled it from the skewer and held it out to Hes. "Wanna test it out?" With a smile, Hes grabbed the ration bar and bit into one end of it. Instantly, it melted in her mouth---heating it up had softened it---and to her surprise the bars' typical vitamin-y taste was replaced with an all-too-welcome sweetness. It tasted a bit like honey, but also sort of buttery, like a flaky pastry with the texture of a roasted marshmallow---it tasted kind of marshmallow-y, too, for that matter. "Like it?" Ramsey asked, earning a nod of approval from Hes. "I found some honeycomb in a tree by the armory---all it needed was a little christophsian sugar and bantha butter, and boom, makeshift-honey glaze!" "Oh, man," Hes said, her mouth still partially full. "Xiris, you gotta try this, it's amazing!" She held out the intact side of the bar to Xiris, hoping they wouldn't mind taking from the other end.

Deer-Head-Xiris.

Xiris tentatively sniffed at the ration bar. Could something that was usually tasteless to them really be that good now? They took a small bite, immediately tasting the sweetness. “Oh! Wow!!” They savored the flavor, it’d been a while since they last had anything tasty at all, “That’s amazing, I’ve never had a ration bar I’ve enjoyed before, haha!”

TheFoodWithTheDood.

Ramsey laughed. "Yeah, I could never stand 'em myself---figured that if I was gonna have to eat 'em for the rest of the war, I should learn to make 'em taste good," he got to work making more, skewering five bars on the same stick. "Isn't that what this war's always been for us?" Deckard spoke up, still laying on the ground with his eyes closed. "Making the best of the life we've been served? Seasoning all the bitter death and destruction with sweet little moments like this?" He sighed. "I wonder, though---will this give us strength for when we have to go back to the normal ration bars, or will it just make us long for the sweet honey-glazed ones above all else?" "Is that your way 'a sayin' you want one, too?" Ramsey asked. Deckard smiled. "Sure" Ramsey promptly added another bar to the skewer. "That's Deckard for ya, always philosophizin'" Chain chimed in, moving his harmonica back up towards his lips. "Any requests?"

Deer-Head-Xiris.

Xiris was fascinated by the words Deckard spoke, half wondering if he wrote poetry in his spare time. They’d love to read his poems if he did, they thought. He could have a solid career as a writer if they all made it out of the war.

They scooted closer to Hes, feeling a cool breeze wash over the group. “Hmm,” they let out a small yawn, “something soft and slow, maybe?” The clouds above had begun to part, revealing a starry sky. Xiris could feel their sleepiness kicking in.

TheFoodWithTheDood.

Chain nodded, cradling the instrument in his hands and bringing it to his lips. Per Xiris's request, he played one of his favorite slow songs---one he'd picked up from the locals of a forest world during his first deployment with Krell. As he played, Ramsey handed out his new batch of ration bars, and soon the sounds of laughing and friendly banter danced around the campfire as languidly as that of the music. Even Hes laughed along with the soldiers, for she found the usual tension between them had all but melted away---usually they regarded her as a mere extension of Krell, but with him gone any fear of judgement was gone. When the Krayt Dragon's away the Womp Rats will play, she guessed. As the night wore on, the troopers started to fall asleep right where they were, laying just as Deckard was---all of the beds in the tents were being taken up by the wounded, so the strongest of the group were forced to sleep under the stars. Hes herself was getting a little tired, but her enjoying the warmth of the fire was enough to keep her awake.

Deer-Head-Xiris.

Xiris was on the verge of dozing off along with the others, laying down curled up next to Hes. They kept their eyes trained on something off to the side, further off near the other tents. They saw Master Aayla and Bly outside one of the medical tents. Their words were inaudible to Xiris, but they noticed yet again that gentle brush of the hand, an intimate moment shared between them before they separated for the night. Xiris sighed heavily, curling up tighter.

“Hes..?” Xiris asked quietly as not to wake the others.

TheFoodWithTheDood.

"Hm?" Hes murmured, almost dozing off herself—she hadn't even noticed Xiris snuggled up to her, in truth, but she didn't mind it much.

Deer-Head-Xiris.

They were quiet for a moment, possibly lost in thought. A cold breeze blew over, ruffling their fur. “...it’s cold,” was all they could manage. In truth, there was lots they wanted to say and talk about, just no way they felt alright saying it. They wanted to ask Hes more about this battalion, about her own experiences, about Krell. They wanted to know if this war was try worth it, if what they were all doing was really the right thing. But they didn’t say any of that, as it usually happens when these thoughts arise.

TheFoodWithTheDood.

"Yeah..." Hes said, though it came out more as a yawn. Without really thinking about it, she pulled Xiris up next to her, leaning her weight partially on them and draping an arm around their shoulder. "It'll warm up in the morning, though..." she yawned once more before finally falling asleep, still cuddled up to Xiris.

Deer-Head-Xiris.

Xiris’ muscles stiffened up slightly when Hes put her arm around them, but quickly relaxed, finding themself quite comfortable.

“Goodnight, Hes…” Xiris whispered, knowing full well she was already asleep.

They looked once more to the sky, catching a glimpse of a shooting star. They needn’t worry about anything right now. Tonight, there was peace. With those final thoughts, they drifted off to sleep.

[righthererightzao]

Zaoka Reviews: Rayman

Platform: PSX Release Date: September 1995 Developed By: UbiSoft Published By:  UbiSoft Screenshot Source: https://raymanpc.com/wiki/en/Main_Page

Hey folks, I thought I’d try something a bit new with my blog, alongside my usual content of screenshots, RP write-ups and Asks, and so I’m starting a little review series on the side where I’ll be looking at games both old and new (or in between in the case of the recent remakes that have been coming out!). Figured I’d start with one of my favourites! It’s safe to say that Rayman on the Sony Playstation holds a very special place in my heart, it’s one of the first games I owned on the console next to Crash Bandicoot, and it’s one of the few games next to Final Fantasy IX, Aliens Versus Predator 2 and Alien: Isolation (We’ll get to those soon) that I could happily play each year and not get bored of it. Mind you, it is hard to be bored of something when over time you find yourself being slowly consumed by a fury that knows no bound threatening to rend the controller you hold in your very hands in two when it reaches critical mass! We’ll save that for later though!

 When we start of the game we’re given an animated cut-scene in which we are greeted by one of the side characters known as “The Magician” who fills us in on the backstory. We’re told how everything is hunky dory in the world of Rayman thanks to something known as The Great Protoon which keeps everything in balance. Alas this peace is not to last as the main villain of the game, Mr Dark up and steels the Protoon causing a bunch of small folks called the Electoons to scatter across the corners of the world where they are kidnapped by Mr Dark’s minions, and more distressingly, we’re never told what became of the Neutoon. Declaring the need for a hero, we’re then introduced to the titular character as he lazes on a hammock and giving us a casual thumb up!

With our mission clear we can start the game and find ourselves being drawn in by the visuals of the game. The levels are beautifully designed, with each stage baring all kinds of neat little details, such as the dancing flowers and the little mushrooms that pile on top of each other (only to fall down shortly after) in the forest of dreams. Not only that, there is the music, which I think is one of the best parts of the game itself. The music is unforgettable, with a wide range of tones from upbeat and adventurous tunes in the earlier stages which slowly becomes more sombre as you near the end of your adventure, and then there’s the track used in the “Chase” segments of certain levels that used to cause a younger me to panic as soon as I heard the crash of the gong that heralded the impending that was slowly drawing nearer. Then we get to the final stage, the candy chateau, ready for our final showdown with Mr. Dark, and clown music happens.

Moving onto the game play, Rayman is a 2D side scrolling platformer where you traverse a wide variety of levels rescuing tiny little critters called Electoons from captivity while combating a host of freakish enemies under the employ of Mr. Dark, the games main antagonist. When you start off you only have the ability to walk at a brisk pace, jump, climb and make silly faces to scare away these lanky green safari hunter looking dudes. As you progress through the game you are given new abilities by Betilla the Fairy, ranging from a punching attack to launch your enemies into orbit or clear obstacles, to a sprint ability.

As well as rescuing Electoons, you find 1up trophies that grant an extra life and these little blue sparkling gems called ‘Tings’ which each play a musical tune when you pick them up, making it all the more satisfying to pick them up in rapid succession in order to play out their own little melody. Not only that, but collecting 100 tings grants you an extra life, and if you have a certain amount of tings when going through a level you can pay the Magician to take you to a bonus level where you can earn an extra life upon completion.

Alongside various types of enemies, the levels also contain a boat load of hazards to avoid, many of which can result in instant death in the form of rivers (both good old fashioned H20 and in Picture city, Ink), bottomless pits and spike traps. Not only that but walking over certain parts of a level can trigger a “surprise” often signalled by a small twinkling sound. These surprises can be beneficial as a 1up trophy or an Electoon cage. Most of the time it’s a bunch of dudes about to ruin your day.

Raymans movements are also a bit on the slow side, and jumping can be a little bit floaty, with some instances requiring some precision jumping from the player when it comes to how fast some of the platforms can move over the aforementioned instant death traps. Not only that, but is Rayman is hurt by anything he yelps and is pushed back a space which can make any platform over an instant death pit a soul crushing experience when you accidentally clip an enemy, or an environmental hazard only for Rayman to go plummeting to his death. This experience isn’t helped by the track that plays upon any death, which can only be described as the loosing horn from hell and they would have achieved a similar effect by recording Michel Ancel screaming“Y’DONE MESSED UP SON”.

With that I move onto the next point and this tends to be the largest criticism of the game, the difficulty curve, ye gods, the difficulty curve. The difficulty curve can only be summed up thus; The first zone in the game ‘The Dream Forest’ moves at relatively decent pace, with the difficulty increasing steadily but always in a fair way as the game tests the skills you’ve picked up so far, leading you to the first boss of the game, Moskito. Once beaten, you get the ability to swing and also grab faraway objects like 1up trophies from a distance and that allows you to replay the previous levels to get any of the missing Electoons, completing the zone with each level bearing a giant purple smiley face. You feel good! You’re making progress, you’re going to move onto a whole new zone now! Then Band Land happens, and the difficulty curve decides it want’s to explore neighbouring star systems and takes you along for the ride. 

With the introduction of slippery slopes and the “surprise” ambushes the game suddenly turns into an obstacle course of outlandish proportions, and can feel unfair at times as it begins to feel more like going through trial and error than anything else, and as both health and the number of continues are limited, this can make each subsequent death all the more frustrating. On top of that the Electoons become increasingly harder to find and every missed Electoon cage means you have to replay the stage til you get all of them otherwise you won’t be able to complete the game, as the final level is gated off until you get every single Electoon Cage. I actually have vivid memories of playing this as a kid and there was one Electoon cage that I just could not find and it almost drove me to tears, and then... I found the cage!... Completely by accident! only to die on my last life and my very last continue. To say I was upset was an understatement, as at the time we couldn’t afford a memory card and had to save my progress through writing down passwords on a diary, said passwords only registering 100% completion on any given level.. so if you miss an Electoon on one level, as soon as you continue via password you have to get every. Single. Electoon cage in that level all over again.

Despite all that, though I never felt like the game was impossible, with each failure I just pushed myself to do better, I wanted to see what new places it would take me to, go up against the new challenges they presented to me, and ultimately it all paid off. I finally got through to the Candy Chateau, and while the fight with Mr. Dark wasn’t what I’d hoped it was for all the effort I had to go through, seeing the end credits with the little “Where are they now” style pictures going by made it worth it. To this day I still think Rayman on the PSX is a great game, despite it’s flaws. Even with Raymans ponderous movement speed, there’s an oddly satisfying flow to the game, and it was really cool seeing how Michel Ancel would then go on to build upon and improved how each level flowed in Rayman: Origins and Rayman: Legends.

I had lost my copy of the game a while ago, but thankfully the game is up on the PS Store under PSOne-Classics going for £3.99 and can be played on the PSP and the PS Vita!

Thanks for reading folks! Hope this will be helpful in some way and folks enjoy it! Is this something you think I should continue doing? Are there any games you’d like me take a look at in future, or maybe share your own thoughts on the game itself, please let me know! Til next time, have fun n’ take care!

[gabriellapatterson-blog]

Help me Obi-Ben-Lukeobi, you’re my only hope.

A/N: Thanks for the RP @benjaminschreave

I paced back and forth in my room after dance classes in panic. Crap I still suck so much at this. I’m gonna seem like a moron when it’s the actual ball. Suddenly I got an idea. I grabbed a note paper and scribbled out a message and had my maid Ruby deliver it.

Suddenly there was a knock on my door, “Obi-Ben-Lukeobi?” I heard Ben ask. It seemed he had gotten my SOS ‘Help me Obi-Ben-Lukeobi, you’re my only hope.’

“Oh! My only hope is here!” I walked over to my door with a smirk, “Your name has both Ben and Luke in it. It was asking for a star wars joke.”

“Very unfortunate choice on my parent’s part.” He said with a small smile and leaned against my door frame, “So what do you need my help with?” He asked.

“Oh right.” I looked back into my room for a moment to be sure that I had put away his birthday present which was still a work in progress. Hopefully he wouldn’t be able to smell it. I then opened the door fully, “You can come in. I need help dancing. I'm not sure if you've noticed but I'm not the most graceful person.” I explained.

He raised an eyebrow, “Seriously? I always thought you were the epitome of poise and grace.” He asked as he followed me inside.

I gave some quick finger guns and did a click of my tongue for a sound effect, “You'd be wrong. Meet Mr cuddles.” I said then gestured to my teddy bear who sat on my bed.

“and photos.” I added and motioned to my desk which was temporarily cluttered with photos from home that I hadn’t found a better place for.

He seemed to be holding back a grin as he walked over to Mr Cuddles. “I'm surprised Mr. Cuddles made the trip out here.”

“Be careful with him he's old. And Emma tried to stop him from coming but I persisted. I named him when I was three. It's very original, right?” I joked.

He set down Mr cuddles carefully, “Not quite as original as Mr. Rock, but I'll give you points for trying.” He replied with a half smirk.

I gave a quick laugh, “Mr Rock?” I asked with a smirk.

“Is it safe to assume that was a pet rock?”

“From a very fine collection. None compares.” He answered seeming a bit proud of his rocks.

I chuckled, “Do you still have this 'mighty fine collection'?”

He pressed his lips together as he seemed to think back to remember where his rocks were, “Stowed away somewhere.” He chuckled to himself, “My dad promised he’d take care of them.” Oh no. That normally means they were thrown away.

“I'm sure it's a difficult task, him taking care of your pet rocks. Y'know, since they're such demanding creatures.” I joked and rolled my eyes.

“They need to be placed very precisely and make sure to get enough sunlight. Important creatures.” He went along with it.

“Oh, I had no idea. Aren't you worried about damage from the UV rays?” I asked deciding to keep going along with this.

“They’re rocks.” He answered bluntly. Wow. Just gonna make a fool of me like that, Schreave? Cruel.

I chuckled, “Well now I feel silly thinking that rocks could get skin cancer.” I rolled my eyes for a moment before deciding to get us back on task.

“So, dancing?”

He gave a small laugh and nodded, “Dancing.” He then opened his phone and started to play some old classical music, “So what do you know?” He asked. A lot less than I should.

“So I'm pretty sure falling is not advised. You also should not twerk as the cool kids call it.” I answered.

“Both of these things would be frowned upon at a ball. I guess the first thing I can teach you will be a basic waltz.” He said and stepped closer to me and took one of my hands.

“We’ll be holding these out while your other goes on my shoulder, alright?”

“Alright. Good thing I can reach your shoulder, giant.” I said and placed my other hand on his shoulder.

He scoffed a bit at my comment, “I’ll choose to ignore the giant comment in light of me being your only hope.”

“Thank you oh great, obi-ben luke-canobi. Alright, what do I do now?” I asked.

“The basic count to the music is 1-2-3. I’ll lead and we just time our steps to that.” Great. This is where I mess up, they have to throw math into moving.

“Okay that's confusing.” I mumbled but tried to go along with him and clearly struggled as I focused all of my attention on my feet looking down at them. Ben stopped us after a moment, “Alright, so follow my steps and I’ll count out loud.” He said and tried to go again.

“Alright, alright okay. I think I'm doing okay. I haven't fallen or stepped on you.” I said allowed mostly to calm myself down since I was doing fine. It’s not like not being great at dancing was the worst thing on the planet. There are other things I’m bad at and that’s fine, dancing is just a new addition to the list.     

“I won’t let you fall. And my feet can handle being stepped on.” He said with a chuckle.

“Are you sure about that, Schreave. Are you really really sure? I'm in heels.” I said with full seriousness.

He looked down at me with the same level of serious, “The most important decision I'll ever make in my life.” Wow I’m sure. Out of his whole life this is the most important decision.

“Alright, Schreave. But I warned you. So even now they still play these songs at balls, I would think they would have gotten to like rap music by now.” Like shouldn’t time have made those old rap songs the classics by now?

“They do play cool young people music every so often. Waltzes are mostly to appease the older generation.” He answered.

I rolled my eyes, “Soon the older generation will need some dubstep to settle their nerves.” Give it time. I bet you.

“And you'd be the lucky Selected to introduce that to them?”

“Sure. Then they would force you to get rid of me so they'd never have to sit through the horrors of intense drops again.” I laughed at the idea of the outrage over dubstep.

“They'd adjust.” He said and suddenly twirled me which caused me to giggle. “Intense. Do people ever twirl you?” I asked when we were back together. It was fun to be twirled so I couldn’t help but wonder if Ben got that thrill.

“Not particularly.” He answered quickly with an amused and curious look. Hmmm, well given our heights I can not currently twirl him. My arm wouldn’t be able to reach. I looked around and got an idea. “hmmm....well. It's difficult to twirl a giant. makes sense.” I said before going to my desk and pulling a chair over. I stood up on the chair and took his hands again and gave him a twirl.

He laughed and looked up at me once the twirl finished, “Is this how I'm supposed to dance with you from now on?”

“Yup. I just stand on a stool. Twirl you the whole time.” I replied sarcastically with an amused look myself.

“We'd definitely make a statement.” He said before putting his hands on my waist and helping me get back down to a normal height.

“It'd be like a performance benny boy and gabby girl, the giant and the amazing, do the twirl.”

“We could go on tour.”

“Make millions so you can buy more rocks. Or better get a rock sitter to help your dad.”

“He really could use the help.” He said soberly.

I chuckled a bit, “Yeah must be tough being both a king and a carer of the rocks. Clearly the rock are the heavier load though.” That was the best pun I have ever made and it just gets glossed over.

“They're much prettier though.” Prettier than being king. I’m not sure how you compare the aesthetics of those.

“Are they cool rocks? I was picturing just a bunch of black sones.”

“I had a very diverse collection. Obsidian, igneous, sedimentary.” He ticked off the classes on his fingers with a wide smile. Gosh darn why does he have to be so cute. It was cute to see him so excited about his collection.

“Okay, so we went over those in seventh grade so I don't really remember what those mean. Can you explain them?” I asked. I recognized the name and even knew that sedimentary was the one with layers but that was as far as my memory went.

“Obsidian is a type of igneous rock, volcanic glass formed from lava. Sedimentary can be different types, mostly rock formed from the earth like the typical grey ones or sandstone maybe.”

“The volcano rocks sound cool! They're like hardcore badasses of the rocks.” I replied pretty astounded myself. Those cheap cool things always got me, like fools gold. I am the fool it was meant for. I assume Obsidian rocks are fairly common but they sound so cool.

He gave a short laugh, “I thought similarly as a kid.”

“Do you still not think the same way? I mean they seem pretty cool. Cooler than the rest.” I asked.

“No, I still like them. Just a different imagination from when I was younger.” He answered. Emma had said before I could be a bit kiddish on certain fronts. I suppose rocks was one of them. I just thought cool things were cool.  

“I suppose that makes sense. Have you ever gone back and re watched a movie that you used to like praise as cinema gold?” I asked suddenly remembering one way I had grown up.

“Do the Power Rangers count?” He asked.

“I never actually saw those. But I wanted to say that I did recently rewatch one of my favorites, it was teenage mutant ninja turtles it really bummed me out to see that it wasn't as good as I remembered. Adulting takes the fun out of things sometimes.”

“Even now it feels like the in between of adulting.”

I chuckled and looked up at him, “I get what you mean.” I mean I was living at home and still being cared for all the while I was stressing about my future occupation and trying to figure that out. Even now I can still find the kid in me to make twirling jokes and find rocks cool but we’re here as a trial run to marriage and to see who can be a capable queen. Even as legit kids we still dealt with adult things Emma was dealing with Anorexia, I was trying to be a strong older sister for my siblings while things at home fell apart with Riley and mom. Nina was...just a mess. It’s odd that we can still have times where we act like such kids even though the outside pressures are ones only adults should really deal with.

I looked up at Ben after the thought, “Should we try dancing again, Obi-ben-luke-canobi?” I asked to move along. I offered a hand and smirked a bit at the name.

“Probably. Need to make you into a dancing jedi, young padawan.” He replied. I chuckled a bit as we resumed dance practice.

[hotcocosharing]

Glory Days Part 10 (IM RP AU- Shun & Midi)

Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9

❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥

Eriko’s POV

With the blasting music of “Single Ladies” and finishing our drinks by bottles, we’re soon dancing crazy after Midi has turned the security off- for her sake, I seriously hope she isn’t too drunk to get the job done. My fingers are numb from the shots I’m snapping and stomach hurting from our laughs as we work on every possible sex positions in the most erotic lingerie any men and women could ever imagined.

I envy Midi, “You have the coolest mum!” But she would always roll her eyes at my jealousy and says its only because I didn’t have to live with a demanding mother. There isn’t a better come back but I would nod and still wish my selfish biological gold digger mother isn’t real or the wife my father re married doesn’t hate me, an ambitious and challenging mother is still better than the two I barely know.

“Lift your legs higher!

“Of course you can do it! I told you to join me in Yoga then you will be more flexible!”

“YES it’s a real position! You sit on a counter with the guy facing you, then you lift your legs up on his shoulders in straight V!

“Hold it! I am taking shots from the side, no, you are not showing your privates but you should totally get a Brazilian wax!”

Midi covers her heated and redden face before stumbling over to grab my phone and yelling it’s my turn. “Gladly!” Responding a tremendous yelp of joy and climb on a glass displaying table in the centre, kneeling with one hand resting on the cold glass just in front of my thong while the other plays with my messy hair.

“Jesus! Eri! Can you get any sexier!?”

“Actually, YES!” I giggle then bite my bottom lips and slightly tilt my head to one side. In between the dirty music, our hysterical laughter along with the sound of non stop shutter. Midi hasn’t missed the bell rings to see the person I invited through text earlier decided to show up after all.

“OH MY GOD! Kijima, what the hell are you doing here!” My drunken princess seems to have sobered up in a split second and sends me death glares.

“Who else are we going to ask what turns Tachibana on? Unless you prefer Maki to see you like this?!” I stick my tongue out and meet the wandering gazes of our new company. “So can you come over and lend me a hand?”

Toshiaki’s POV A part of me wishes I had known what I was sighing myself up for when I received an odd, obviously half sober text message late at night instructing me to come to an address in a part of town I hadn’t heard of before - the display of two women I’d seen my fair share of in the last few days gallivanting around a small boutique store in nothing but lace, mesh and leopard print. From the number of bottles which were empty on the display cabinet in the middle of the store along with the the one Midori had her fingertips wrapped around, I coughed loudly to clear my throat - eyebrows raising and lips pulled taut as I tried to grasp what exactly was going on. “Kijima what the hell are you doing here!” “So can you come over and lend me a hand?” Both women seemed to have mixed ideas and views on my presence being new company and after sighing - releasing tension for what I was well aware could turn out to be a long, long night, I reach out to grab Midori’s wrist and  pry the bottle she’s still managing to drink from away from her. “First things first - Shun likes his women sober, well most of the time.” The comment is enough to evoke a smile from her which is near childlike as she quickly complies and hands over what she’s holding. I shake it - mhmm, empty. “Eri how much has she had to drink?” “I’ve only had like.. a few glasses”, Midori manages to answer for herself, “ 2 or 3. 9 maybe - what comes after 9…” I can’t help but laugh at her innocence as Eri keeps snapping photos and sliding up to and onto various mannequins and displays. She looks good - exactly how I figured she’d be not hiding beneath her clothes but nonetheless; I wonder if she has a habit of not wanting to leave things to the imagination. “You girls need to get dressed and then I’m taking you both home before security comes and finds you like this.” It’s unexpected to feel fingers tickling at my sides and the material of my shirt rising up and up further onto my chest as a very, very drunk little lady forcefully tries to take it off - struggling with a quiet groan which I respond to by rolling my eyes and lifting my arms up to assist. I’m aware that this is a bad idea but I know better than to try bargain with a drunk woman. “ERIIIIIII I GOT TOSHI’S SHIRT OFF!” Watching utterly puzzled, Midori skips over to Eri where they share a high-five and chuckle, both glancing back at me which in turn subconsciously-nervously  makes me scratch the back of my neck. Midori’s POV “He’s cute!”, I whisper towards my best friendwhich with how tipsy I am probably comes out as more like a scream, and shimmy myself into the oversized shirt which I’ve just acquired, it’s length making it a dress on me. I’m eager to grab another drink after having the last one taken from me yet the moment I get even close to the bar fridge I’m scooped up and thrown over someone’s shoulder - kicking my legs and sulking. “PUT ME DOWN!” “No.” “ERRRIIII SAVVVVEEE MEEEE!” “She’s not saving you.” “You’re no fun Kijimaaaaa no wonder you’re singggllleeee” Hands out, I try to reach for Eri; my attempts unsuccessful as Toshiaki instructs her to get dressed to - explaining how he’d be happy to help if we weren’t drunk or tipsy or inehbrieted or something and escorts us both out of the store within minutes of getting there. The second we step outside, a cool wind breezes by and causes me to shiver. “I’m colllddd!” “No shit Midori, at least you have a shirt on.” In between Eri’s laughter and whatI can see of her dancing on the street alongside Toshiaki what seems like seconds fly by before we’re in front of a door I’m not familiar with. Sighing because he’s not able to fish his keys out of his pocket; Toshi kicks at the door as I wiggle and squirm trying to get out of his grasp and as it opens with Maki on the other side, I almost drop and hit the floor. “WOOOOPS!”, Eri exclaims before walking in as if she owns the place. “Where are we? Why is Maki here? Is there any icecream? I want waffles and chocolate and ooooooohhhh can we go buy a puppy?” It takes a few attempts to try and scramble back onto my feet and when I do, I’m met face to face with a guy which I wasn’t expecting to see. Yukihisa’s POV “MAKKIII!” Midori’s yelling of my name makes me freeze on the spot and I only just notice Eri dash right past me and into the kitchen, a clear sound following her of someone rummaging through the fridge. Embraced into a half hug, half koala hold; everything is fine, everything is under control, everything is sweet until I have some words whispered into my ear hot and heavy. “Eri’s wearing leatherrrrr… It’s so tight that the only way you can take it off is with your teeth.” The slurred explanation alone is enough for a tightening to start developing in my jeans as the high spirited girl paces around the dorm as if she’s trying to find something. More than likely - someone. “TACHIBANA. WAKE UP. YOU’VE GOT COMPANY!” With my public service announcement complete - I shake my head at Toshi who is already pulling on another shirt and head straight into the kitchen to find it a mess. Beer bottles across the table, a cereal box spilt on the floor, a few vegetables the guys and I probably brought with the intention of eating healthy but will more than likely just be thrown as we just can’t be bothered dealing with that kind of thing.. it’s the sight of Eri with her hand in a jar of nutella; finger swirling around the chocolate spread which she brings to her lips and sucks on that reminds me instantly that this girl is up to no good. Resting against the doorframe, I clear my throat loudly and knock my knuckles against the kitchen wall. It doesn’t seem to take much more to get the girl who obviously got herself redressed in less than a minute to turn around and glance at me. “Are you planning on spreading that on something you can eat or all over yourself?”

[eienias20]

Confidence is a State of Mind

@killerdraco @kentucky-the-fried and I RPd together on Discord with Draco, Pongo and Jaynix. It was A TON of fun, and me being the “i have to write something at all times” nerd that I am, turned the RP into a fic because why not? Enjoy this delve into Pongo awkwardness, Jaynix shenanigans and Draco dadliness.

Confidence is a State of Mind

Another long and eventful day for the BLADEs of NLA was drawing to a close, night was setting on. This evening finds the friendly Interceptor Pongo sitting by himself on one of the benches outside of Repenta Diner. One hand held onto his coffee from which he took a sip while the other held his comm device that listed all the missions he had accomplished this day.

He was looking over them again when he noticed the sky darken and decided to just take some time to admire the stars. A gentle smile forming on his face he found himself feeling immensely comfortable in solitude.

As Pongo enjoyed his peace another BLADE was making her way to the very same Repenta Diner, another Interceptor: Jaynix. Her own day was filled with just as many missions as Pongo, taking her all over Oblivia and now that she was done, it was time to celebrate.

Despite the remnants of sweat and the sand on her face, she smiled and picked up her pace, drawing ever closer to the diner. She practically brushed past Pongo’s table but neither BLADE was aware of the other, wrapped up in their own contentment.

At the same time, down the street another BLADE was headed in the direction of Repenta Diner. Draco, affectionately known by many as Squad Dad. He put in just as busy a day today with an endless onslaught of scouting, training as many of the less experienced BLADEs as he could. Usually the days end later but seeing as how he got through it so quick, he added on a Reclaimer mission to his load.

With all the tasks done he found himself with some very desirable free time. No better use of free time in his book than…reading books. He glanced at the new history book tucked under his arm “The History of Japan” which he’d finally gotten as a sort of gift to himself. Of course he’d wanted to read it immediately in his barracks but he felt a twinge of hunger and decided to stop by Repenta for a bite and some light reading instead.

Much like Jaynix before him, he brushes past Pongo’s table and enters the diner at just the same time that Pongo closes his eyes, just missing the Squad Dad.

A gentle wind caresses Pongo’s face, pushing back his hair to reveal his pale skin and complexion. With all the hustle and bustle of being a BLADE, enjoying a simple breeze felt unimaginably calming.

Opening his eyes he noted two people walking out of the diner: a man and a woman. They were holding hands and giggling under their breath, clearly the pair was out on a wonderful date of some sort and the very sight of that was nothing more than a cruel reminder to Pongo of his own terrible luck in talking to other people in such a manner.

Hell, he can’t even manage to talk like that with Stake. His boyfriend. He watches the couple as they walk out of sight, a sad expression on his face.

In the diner, Jaynix sat at the main counter gabbing with the bartender as he served her a cold beer. Jaynix laughed at a joke he told, unaware of Draco walking right behind her to a table in the back.

She turned to some of the fellow patrons, many were regulars she recognized. As they shouted jokes at her, asked her how she did and asked her out on dates, she shouted back. The rowdiness in Repenta, especially at night was one of her favorite things. She always thanks Frye for their first time hanging out here. The noise keeps the terrors within quiet, something she endlessly appreciates.

Turning in her seat she lets out a long sigh before looking out one of the windows. In doing so she sees a familiar BLADE sitting at a bench outside.

“Well. Whaddya know?”

Taking both her drinks she stands up, thanks the bartender and gives quick goodbyes to her drinking buddies before exiting the diner and approaching the other BLADE she’d met during her first trip to Cocytios.

“Hey there!”

Hearing her voice, Pongo notes a faint familiarity before turning albeit in a bit of a startled manner. He finds the BLADE that called out to him and recognizes her as Jaynix. He then recalls their first encounter in which he was nothing but a flustered mess and said so many stupid things. Face flushing up a bit he manages an awkward wave.

“Jaynix right? Ah. Hello there.”

Draco meanwhile sat in the diner and ordered the usual: a turkey sandwich with tomato basil soup. Being at the back of the diner gave him a pretty good vantage point of the rest of the establishment and everyone in it, as well as a great line of sight to the eating areas outside.

He watched people walk to and fro, some familiar, some not before recognizing a BLADE. Purple interceptor vest, bushy black hair, blank eyes? It was Pongo! He then noticed that someone else had approached Pongo and was standing near him, talking with him.

Draco crossed his arms and nodded proudly, it was great to see Pongo making acquaintances with other BLADEs, he knows all too well that Pongo has a bit of an awkward streak to him.

Draco was all set to look away until he realized who the other BLADE was. Jaynix. The fiery, hot headed and very provocatively dressed Jaynix. Of all people, it was her who was talking to the timid, awkward Pongo.

Realizing how likely it was that this situation will go south and end in disaster, his paternal instincts began to engage and he rose from his table. He began walking with purpose in their direction, hoping nothing would fall apart in the time it took him to get outside the diner.

Meanwhile, Jaynix pulled a seat out and sat down across from Pongo.

“This is our second-time meeting and just like the first, it was complete happenstance. Ah well, any chance to get to know someone else better is fine by me!”

Pongo chuckled “Well yeah…it is a small world after all.”

Jaynix laughed at that before letting out a long sigh and fanning herself.

“Hey, have you ever been to Oblivia? Like for a long time. The damned heat sticks to you and…y’know what. Give me a sec.”

Pongo raised an eyebrow as Jaynix leaned back in her seat. “S-sure. Take all the time you need. As for Oblivia, I was just there re-”

Pongo’s words died on his tongue upon seeing Jaynix reach for the zipper at the top of her Raim torso. She wasn’t about to-

She was. The sound of her zipper being undone was incredibly loud in Pongo’s ears and while he told himself to look away, he couldn’t. He followed her hand as it moved down her body, very, very far. He wasn’t sure if his face was red before but he was damned sure he was a tomato right now.

His jaw dropped as the zipper went lower, the Raim splitting open farther and exposing more of Jaynix’s skin. In his head, he tried to tell himself to calm down, but it was lost in a storm of ‘Holy shits.’

The only thing that came out of his mouth was a very low whisper of “…oh.”

A breeze came by, causing Jaynix to sigh in relief. Nodding to herself she spoke “That’s better. Much better.”

Draco had finally made his way out of the diner, it took him much longer than he thought even if only for a few moments but he had to-

And it no longer mattered. Jaynix and Pongo reached disaster level interaction practically immediately. With very little effort and so very quickly, Jaynix had turned Pongo’s brain into mashed potatoes. Even if he was farther away there was no way he couldn’t see how red Pongo had become.

Draco had seen Pongo’s face flush when all the blood rushed to his head after botching a Starfall Rondo and landing upside down but THIS? This was ridiculous. It was very clear that Pongo had been broken.

Regardless, he had to try to salvage the situation as best as he could and walked over to their table, looking between the mostly quiet Pongo and the mostly exposed Jaynix. Forcing a smile, he spoke.

“Well, funny running into you two together here.”

The arrival of the Squad Dad was like a saving grace for Pongo, hopefully he could provide an escape from this awkward hell. However despite turning his head towards Draco, his eyes, despite their lacking pupils, were still partially if not mostly fixed onto Jaynix who was taking a long drink at that same moment.

“Hi.”

He manages to squeak out.

“Nice…nice to…see…you…”

Following Pongo’s words, Jaynix puts her beer down and sees Draco who just joined them.

“Well shit, this diner really is the place to be at. What’s up?”

Despite Pongo’s lack of pupils, Draco found it painfully obvious as to where his eyes were fixated upon. Pulling up his own chair he put his book down onto the table before reaching over to Pongo and ruffling his hair. A solid and valiant attempt to force Pongo’s eyes off of Jaynix disguised as a kind and friendly gesture.

“Oh, you know. Just finished up for the day so I thought I’d swing by here for a quick bite! When I saw you two here, I figured I’d make sure you guys were doing alright.”

Draco had succeeded in getting Pongo’s eyes off Jaynix’s…well…off Jaynix. However, the BLADE’s face was still very clearly red and he found himself unable to stop thinking about the fact that she was still sitting across from him and that she was so…bare. Finally, he tries to talk to Draco.

“Th-thanks for dropping by a-and we’re fine! Especially Jaynix! She-NO WAIT!”

Pongo covers his face out of embarrassment before hearing Jaynix.

“Especially me?”

He parts his fingers and looks through them to see her looking right at him, her fiery eyes fixated on him, a smile on her lips.

“You find me that fine, Pongo? If I may ask, where exactly were you looking?”

Draco had enough composure to not facepalm at what was happening before him, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t doing it mentally. He tried. He pulled Pongo’s face away from Jaynix and he still found his way back into this scenario. He blew it, shot himself in the foot.

Draco hoped that Pongo knew enough about Jaynix’s personality to not answer so literally.

Giving up on being subtle, he spoke again “Come on Jaynix, it’s not nice to tease him.”

Jaynix laughed in response “Well what am I supposed to do? Pretend like I can’t see him staring at me? He couldn’t make it more obvious if he had pupils!”

At that moment, Pongo spoke up.

“You…ah…you have a…a nice everything.”

Jaynix turned her attention back to Pongo, realizing he was answering her question as to where it is he was looking. She began laughing again before reaching over and ruffling Pongo’s hair.

“Thanks Pongo and you know what? I think I have a nice everything too!”

Draco shook his head. “Jaynix, please. It’s not like you made it easy for him, either. Pongo’s kind of…a work in progress.”

He sighed as it was incredibly apparent that Jaynix’s own inflated self-esteem would only push Pongo further and further into awkwardness and more likely, into an early grave.

Jaynix just chuckled as she pulled away from Pongo and sat in her seat “Sure, I get that but I swear, unlike our interactions in Cocytios which were totally on purpose, this-”

She gestured at herself. “Well. I’m really hot AND I’m really hot.”

With another chuckle, Jaynix took another drink from her bear as Pongo let out a long sigh of acceptance. He’d only been sitting with Jaynix and Draco for such a small amount of time yet every single thing he’s said has been far more awkward than the thing he said before.

Looking between the other two BLADEs an idea came to Pongo’s mind. If he really tried, could it be possibly to achieve the level of self-confidence that Draco and especially Jaynix have in themselves? Could they possibly teach him how to talk to girls? And guys? Just…talk to people in general?

Immediately the words tumble out of his mouth in a jumbled mess.

“Um…do you think you can…help me? You both seem so confident and beautiful…well, you do not seem beautiful, you ARE both beautiful! Handsome! In the case of Draco, I, wait AGH!”

Draco cringed, listening to Pongo speak became…painful. It was like watching a puppy try to climb onto a couch only to fail and fall over and over again. He had to intervene. Again.

“Pongo. Deep breaths. You need to stop before you blow a brain cell or…whatever substitutes for one in a Mimeosome.”

Jaynix put her drink down and spoke up “He’s right kid. Deep breaths will do wonders, trust me on that. Once you get the talking down everything else’ll fall into place.”

Taking their advice, Pongo closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, letting the tension out of his shoulders. Feeling slightly more relaxed he whispers to himself “Okay…Okay…”

Opening his eyes, he looks to the two of them “You both seem really confident, is there any way you could teach me to be like that?”

Draco and Jaynix watched Pongo for a few moments, the former raising an eyebrow at his rather unusual request.

“Teach you…confidence?”

As he tapped his chin and gave it some thought.

“I suppose it’s something that could help you and I don’t just mean to prevent yourself from turning into a stuttering mess. It’s much more applicable than that. Being confident in what you do makes everything easier.”

Jaynix nodded “He speaks the truth. For me, I’ve just always kinda been like this. I’m not sure what I could impart I mean…I can’t very well tell you to just act like me. You’re Pongo.”

Pongo nodded as Draco glanced over to Jaynix out of the corner of his eye. Sure Pongo was sorely lacking in confidence but Jaynix…well…she was extremely self-confident to the point of overconfidence. Perhaps what he could do, could help both of them.

“Well Pongo, you’ve come far with your basic combat training so I think adding confidence to your training is a good idea as well.”

Jaynix leaned back in her seat “Definitely. That said I’m drawing a total blank. I may be the picture of confidence but I wouldn’t know the first thing about teaching it to anyone else.”

“Confidence is a mindset, Jaynix.”

Draco answered. “It’s no different than any other mental training.”

Waiving down a server, he quickly let them know to make his food to-go.

“I can probably show you both but this is the kind of thing that’s best not to be done in the middle of a busy diner so we’d need to take this elsewhere.”

“Then take me wherever you have to!” Pongo proclaimed.

“I…I do not want to be this awkward anymore! Oh, and believe me when I say I am a very fast learner! I was taught all about this wonderful human tradition to thank people just the other day and I have not stopped using it! Say, I should thank you both for agreeing to help me!”

Before the two could say anything Pongo stood up and dabbed.

Jaynix’s words die on her tongue faster than a stray animal on a highway. Pongo could not have done what it is she thinks he’s done. The beer she had…it had to be doing something to her, that was the only logical explanation. The only one. Her only possible response is to finish the rest of her beer, packing the second away while she shakes her head.

Draco on the other hand lost all his composure and brought an open palm to his face. There were no words to describe what had just transpired.

“Pongo. I’ll help you but I have one condition. You must never do that again.”

Pongo is a little confused and slightly upset at their reactions, it seemed like they didn’t appreciate the time he put into learning this human tradition. Pushing his feelings aside he nods.

“Alright. Anything to learn about confidence!”

“That’s the spirit Pongo!” Jaynix said as she stood up and stretched. “Take your growth and training by the reins! You’ve got this!”

She then looked to Draco “So! Since we can't do this thing in the middle of a busy diner, where would you suggest we go? Where is this elsewhere?"

Draco stood up as well paying the server before retrieving his book and the food he ordered. With a small grin in the corner of his mouth he spoke.

“Well, given Pongo would probably do better with fewer people around to see his…”

Draco narrowed his eyes trying to find the right word to describe…this, that wasn’t so hard on Pongo. Embarrassment? Shame? Nope. Those are bad.

“His reactions.” He settled on.

“And I think I know just the place.”

The notion of being around fewer people made Pongo calm down even further, this whole situation was looking more and more ideal, he was immensely interested in what Draco had planned.

He prepared to move when Jaynix spoke up.

“Alright then! Hang on.”

Pongo turned to her as she gestured at herself “Pongo. Should I zip up or is this fine? Be honest.”

One answer came to his mind immediately, he bit his lip to keep it in. There was hesitation before he finally settled with.

“Whatever makes you feel comfortable…”

Draco sighed “We’ll be lucky if you make it to where we’re going without imploding at this rate.”

Reaching over he grabbed Pongo by the collar and pulled him along. Pongo wincing at the Squad Dad’s rough handling of him.

After a few steps Draco looked back to Jaynix “Do zip up before you kill the boy, besides…”

Jaynix tilted her head, curious at Draco’s tone. “We’ll be making use of that later in this plan.”

The woman smiled “That. Hm. Alright then. Sorry Pongo.”

He looked to her as she winked and zipped her Raim back up. Very. Slowly. She was enjoying this far too much and Pongo…well…the less thought he put into his thoughts the better.

Regardless of what it is Draco had planned, Pongo was pretty sure the only way this whole scenario would end was with him dead.

Draco led Pongo and Jaynix across NLA and through the East Gate of the Administrative District into Primordia. The specific spot was southwest of FN Site 116, a small patch of grass that was popular during the day for being an Ovis gathering spot. At night however it was as empty as could be.

A perfectly calm and empty place to help Pongo…even if the boy acted like he might die trying.

"This is the spot. Hopefully the knowledge that this is an Ovis gathering spot will help you calm your nerves, Pongo."

Pongo had to admit, knowing the field before them was populated with Ovis during the day did indeed calm him down. As he let out a sigh of relief, Jaynix was next to him looking around for any sign of a stray Ovis. She loved Ovises. Realizing she was getting sidetracked, she shook her head and whispered to herself to focus as Pongo spoke up.

“Um…what would be the purpose of bringing me here? Do you want me to make a fool of myself in front of the Ovis when the morning comes?”

Draco shook his head “When we’re done with this, maybe we’ll work on your pessimism. Just sit. Both of you.”

He pointed to the ground, indicating for them to sit next to one another. Jaynix saluted “Whatever you say!”

As she sat, Pongo nodded “I trust whatever plan you have in mind…I will admit I am very curious as to what we’re going to be doing.”

Smiling, Draco sat down across from them “We came here for a location that is calming and private. The more that’s going on around you, the more likely you are to get overwhelmed. This is where we’re going to have our first lesson and Jaynix is going to help.”

Jaynix tilted her head as Draco continued, his glance shifting between the two BLADEs before him, then settling on Pongo.

“It’s all very simple, you see…you say you want to learn confidence…but confidence is just a state of mind. So all we have to do is get you to a level of comfort where that state of mind comes naturally. We’ll start small and then work our way up. No sense throwing you in head first, after all.”

Pongo still feels skeptical about everything but doesn’t doubt Draco’s judgement, instead waiting for further instruction. Jaynix next to him, nods.

“That all makes sense…though I do have to ask, why exactly am I here? How can I help?”

“Jaynix. You’re arguably the most important aspect of this. See, internalized confidence doesn’t really accomplish much; he’s gotta be able to communicate it. So he needs someone to talk to about this. Sure he could just talk to me but…”

Pausing, Draco shrugged his shoulders.

“Pongo seems to have a bit more difficulty with…people of the female persuasion. So that’s where we really need for him to improve.”

Jaynix scoffed “People of the female persuasion? You could just say he has a hard time talking to very sexy women like myself but I’ll take the persuasion thing!”

She laughed as Draco rolled his eyes “Jaynix, please.”

He sighed, fully aware that she never did miss an opportunity to inflate her own ego, he’d come to expect these kinds of statements a long time ago.

Jaynix then looked to Pongo “So! All you need to do is be able to talk to me. Simple enough.”

Pongo slowly looked over to Jaynix, his face taking on a very concerned appearance “I, ah…but…”

Unable to say anything he looks to Draco, his eyes wide with fear “W-what exactly should I say? Are there rules to talking to girls?”

Draco shook his head “Pongo. You’re overthinking this. Don’t think of her as a girl, think of her as a fellow BLADE. Heck, she’s an Interceptor just like you are so…”

He crossed his arms and stared that the pair before him “Both of you, face each other. And then Pongo, I want you tell Jaynix about the accomplishment you feel proudest of…no matter what it is. And remember; just like any other BLADE.”

“Accomplishment?”

Pongo turns to face Jaynix…or at least tries to but his gaze is on the ground beneath him. Whether it’s obvious or not he doesn’t quite know what to say.

“Um…”

The three sat in silence as he tried his best to think of a good story to tell but…

“I do not think I have anything interesting to say.”

In complete contrast to how she’s usually seen, Jaynix leaned forward and spoke with a soft voice.

“Hey.”

She waited until Pongo’s eyes found her.

“I once took on a mission to rescue a cat from a tree. Yeah. Granted the tree was absurdly huge and smack dab in the middle of Noctilum but that was the mission I picked up from Control. Save a cat. How the damn cat go there I’ll never know but thinking about it inspires endless debates between me and my friends. Running bets on what path, what branches the cat used before realizing it fucked up.”

Jaynix laughed at the memory.

“We once considered bringing another cat to Noctilum, letting it loose and just watching it from afar to see if it’d find its way up the same tree and see, finally, which one of us was right. Heh, we’re still trying to convince someone to trust us with a cat.”

Jaynix paused a bit longer, smiling.

“See that? I just shared with you something simple. Basic. But I hope I had you interested. As long as you talk and share, any story that comes to mind is bound to attract some attention. Now come on, give it your best shot.”

Draco nodded in agreement with Jaynix “She’s right, Pongo. No one’s asking for a grand story about encountering the Ruler of Fates, or some supernatural deity, or some sort of epic, all night battle. It can be anything that you’ve done that you feel pride in. Just…try the first thing that comes to mind.”

Pongo’s mind lights up with the fact that he’s done all the things Draco’s just listed. He decides not to say this out loud but now that the suggestions are out there, he decides on one that might be interesting, at least, to him.

“Well…there was this one time that I went with someone to Cauldros. Had to fight a tyrant underneath one of the land bridges, really close to lava. But we defeated it together, and afterwards, I got curious about something. I...I stepped into the lava. And by some miracle, I did not get hurt. The lava felt like water..."

He closes his eyes, smiling as he remembers that day. Opening his eyes again, he seemed the slightest bit less nervous.

“Even though it felt nice, it did not stop the lava from burning all of my clothes off. That was a fun thing to explain to my friend, heh…”

Jaynix chuckled "So out of idle curiosity...you stepped in boiling hot lava. Huh. I don't think I'd ever be that curious in my life...wait...did it burn ALL your clothes off?"

Pongo has to do a double take before answering “Hmm? Oh. Oh. Ah…well…yeah…”

He rubs the back of his neck as he looks away, his cheeks flushing up in embarrassment.

“Guess that was not the best story to tell...”

Jaynix shakes her head “Nah, it was a fine story to tell! I didn’t mean to make it awkward, I was just curious.”

Draco adjusted his sunglasses “Well it was certainly…interesting, to say the least. And on that note, do not step in lava again. Please.”

Pongo chuckled awkwardly as Draco smiled “But you know what? Didn’t you notice? You told that story without stuttering or tripping over yourself.”

Jaynix gave Pongo a few claps “Yeah! You did! Way to go, Pongo!”

Looking towards Draco, Pongo’s lips part as he realizes that he’s right! No stuttering, no embarrassed squeaks, no mess-ups and so he sits there for a moment, looking between the two BLADEs, completely baffled that he has some adequacy.

“I did it?”

Realizing that he just sounded so sad, pathetic and adorable, he looked to Draco again and smiled before repeating louder and with more confidence.

“I did it! I actually did it!”

“You did indeed! See Pongo, all you had to do was keep it simple. Start small.”

Draco then crossed his arms and nodded to himself.

“To be honest I expected this to take you a few tries but since you got this so quickly, we can move onto the next step.”

He then looked in Jaynix’s direction, donning a serious expression. The silence was held for a few moments longer, perhaps for dramatic tension or perhaps to give Pongo time to mentally prepare.

With a stern voice, Draco spoke. “Jaynix. Do the thing.”

Jaynix only had to think for a few moments before realizing what the thing was. That. Unable to stop it, a devilishly wide smile formed on her face as she reached for the zipper on her outfit. Pongo saw her hand move to her chest and wanted to say something. Anything. But all thoughts faded away as the sound of her zipper being undone filled the calm Primordian night.

Pongo could barely swallow as she turned to face him and practically purred. “So, Pongo, care to share another story with me?”

Pongo, as expected, fell silent. His mouth hanging open and his face reddening just as much as it had the first time she did this. His eyes had widened all the while she was unzipping and now he was trying desperately to pull his attention away from Jaynix but was failing. Horribly.

The only thing his eyes wanted to focus on, was Jaynix. Her smile. Her glowing eyes. Her perfect body.

He knows he should say something. He wants to gain confidence! He wants to follow Draco’s plan but in this specific moment, any forward progress seems impossible.

All he manages to do is stutter in a very quiet voice.

“Ah…I…you…um…”

Upon seeing this, Draco got up and moved closer to his protégé. “Focus! Pongo!”

Placing a hand on his shoulder he continued.

“It’s still the same Jaynix from before. Same BLADE. Same Interceptor…less…clothing.”

At that moment, Draco realize that maybe. Just maybe. This was a bad idea. Then again, given how infamous the Raim was for reasons he’d never understand, Pongo had to get used to this. He had to learn how to deal with it and it’d be far easier under controlled circumstances.

Jaynix remained with her focus, her burning eyes, squarely on Pongo and she knew that he could see it. There were so many things she could do now to tease him even more. Flip her hair. Wink. Blow a kiss. But seeing his initial reaction and how he seemed completely frozen, perhaps unzipping was enough…for now.

“It’s as Draco says. Besides Pongo, I dress far less conservatively when I’m about town so if you ever want to hang with me while we’re in NLA for a chat, a meal or any other simple activity…”

She moved…a little too much, but completely on purpose.

“You’re gonna have to get used to this.

And then, unable to stop herself, she winked at him.

Pongo felt his shoulders tense up and the start of a panic was brewing.

Next to him, Draco gave him the simplest instructions possible.

“Just talk.”

He wanted to, he really did but he was unable to stop staring thus making thinking clearly an impossible task.

“Is it getting hot out here or is it just Jaynix? No! Stop that!”

He shakes his head and tries to gather his thoughts again. Reminding himself that he wants to be confident! Taking a deep breath, he tries to say a complete sentence.

“…ma’neg’alki ar-dua…”

Upon saying that he begins to mentally berate himself “No! That’s not English! That’s Miran! Specifically, it’s Miran for…okay…let’s not go there. Right. Right. Attempt number two. English.”

“…I cannot feel anything below my waist…”

Once again, the mental berating continues. “Time to stop talking before I hurt myself somehow…”

Draco let out a long sigh “Well, I suppose that’s better than certain other comments you could’ve made.”

Despite this setback, Draco was not ready to throw in the towel on Pongo, not yet. He knew if they just gave up now then Pongo would forever be stuck at this level.

“Alright, I have an idea. Bear with me on this one.”

Reaching inside the jacket of his suit, Draco pulled out a pair of sunglasses. Jaynix chuckled, of course he carried spares.

Opening them up he put them on Pongo. Naturally, wearing these particular sunglasses at night yielded terrible results as they made it far too dark to see anything well if at all, but that may just be what they needed right now.

“She’s still there Pongo and you still have to talk to her. But maybe this will help act as…training wheels.”

Jaynix scoffed “Great. So now he can’t see my rockin’ bod? Shame.”

Draco sighed as Jaynix shook her head before looking to Pongo.

“I’m with Draco on this one. Ya gotta start somewhere.”

Pongo in the meantime had been trying to adjust to losing most of his vision. Everything was much darker and he was a little disoriented, but now, grasping the change and hearing Draco and Jaynix’s words he found his shoulders relaxing a little.

There was some strange sort of comfort in being almost blind.

“I think…this could work.”

He smiles and stands up.

“Yeah. It will! I know it will!”

“P-Pongo!”

Before Draco can finish his thought, Pongo takes a step forward and immediately trips on his own feet, falling forward onto Jaynix, the glasses flying off and his face planting itself squarely in between her breasts.

There is a pall between the three as they all simultaneously realize what just happened.

“You had one job Pongo…”

Draco mutters as Pongo realizes who it is he’s lying on and where exactly it is he’s lying. If he wasn’t red before, which he was, it was somehow even more apparent now. Stricken with such intense shock over what just happened, he found himself unable to move off of Jaynix despite his brain trying to tell him to get off of her.

Draco found himself trying to understand why it is Pongo stood up. Why did he try to walk around? All he need to do was talk to her!

Jaynix meanwhile could not believe how odd this whole night has been. Such a conglomeration of things that would never happen, almost as if it was a series of unfortunate events. Everything was so bizarre that Jaynix most likely would never be able to tell anyone else this story. The story of how her fellow Interceptor Pongo was undergoing confidence training and because of it he put on sunglasses at night. Then he fell onto her, his face landing right in her exposed chest. Which would be another thing to explain, why was her chest exposed?

She couldn’t tell anyone this because they would be so completely blown away by the sheer number of absurdities that led to this one outcome, they’d never believe it.

Realizing all this, Jaynix could only admit: she was impressed.

Draco let out a heavy sigh and gestured at them “You okay, Jaynix?”

She looked over to him, still on the ground with Pongo lying on her.

“Yeah. I’m fine. Just surprised is all, kid didn’t even buy me dinner first.”

Draco could only nod, he knew he didn’t have to ask if Pongo was okay, he already knew the answer but at the same time if he stepped in and helped Pongo up and out of this situation, if he did this every time, the boy would never learn.

Pongo’s brain went through countless feelings and reactions. Awe, embarrassment and a little shame over his contact with Jaynix’s skin. Before realizing completely what it is that happened. Finally, he felt something inside his heart…break.

Standing up, he pulled Jaynix up off the ground. A somber expression on his face, he avoided making eye contact with either of them.

“I…I am really sorry…I just…I mess everything up. Thank you for trying to help me…but it seems that I just…cannot be helped.”

Turning away, Pongo begins to leave, barely being able to hold back tears all the while he reminds himself of how much of a burden he is. A waste of space. No matter what happens he’ll never be as great or as confident as Draco, Jaynix…as anyone.

Draco rose to his feet as Pongo began walking away. Reaching out he place a hand on Pongo’s right shoulder to stop him.

“Where do you think you’re going? You’re not going to leave before I…congratulate you. As…odd as the situation that led to it was…what you said right now? You were able to tell her pretty directly.”

Draco nodded “So it seems like you were confident…in believing yourself to be helpless. Which we can now clearly see that you’re not.”

Jaynix smiled at Draco’s words before looking at Pongo “He’s right. Also, you stood up and helped me up. You didn’t have to but you did, without a second thought too. Very gentlemanly of you if I do say so myself. Thank you, Pongo.”

She walked over to him and placed one of her hands on his right shoulder.

“In the end, you did great. You took your first step.”

With a hand on each shoulder, Pongo forced himself to raise his head and look at the two BLADEs. Their words were supposed to encourage him…but he himself could not accept what they were telling him.

“What good is being confident if it’s in your own lack of abilities?”

“Thanks. Both of you.”

They took their hands from his shoulders as he turned to face them.

“But…this was hardly a step forward. No matter what it is that happened I still caused so much…stupid awkwardness…I know that I’m doomed to a life of embarrassment and humiliation. I know that there’s no hope for me…I…”

Unable to hold back he starts to sniffle, a few tears falling.

“Both of you…you reached perfection without even trying. Draco. In battle your flawless, your skill is unmatchable. Jaynix, you have so much fire and you’re just so…so beautiful. Yet, when I try, just try to be…more than what I am. Whatever it is I try, it always ends up like this. Why?”

As Pongo continued to sniffle, Jaynix found herself looking down at the ground. A sad expression on her face.

“Perfection…you’d think that, right?”

Jaynix looked back up, Pongo barely meeting her eyes as she continued. “Pongo. You’re in a rough spot right now, sure. You think everyone is better than you in same way but that isn’t true. And we aren’t perfect. None of us are. I sure as hell am far from perfect.”

She shook her head “Since I was found. Awoken. Since I came to NLA I’ve done countless stupid…idiotic things. All because I didn’t…I didn’t have any sense of self-worth. I destroyed myself for weeks…no…months on end. And despite my change I’m still paying for what I did to myself and I always will be. The horrors I inflicted on myself are never going away…”

She sighed “But I keep going. I keep moving forward because I have people who support me. I have people who believe in me and who helped me find my worth. It was a long process…months and it’s still ongoing but I’ve made progress. I’m where I am now but I’ve still got a long way to go.”

She gave Pongo a small smile. “I’ve no doubt the same will happen with you too. Give it time. Have the faith in yourself that we have in you.”

Just then, Jaynix winced, a hand coming up to her chest. Taking a deep breath, she winced again before saying one last thing.

“Above all else, Pongo…trust in my words…”

Draco could feel his protective instincts roaring inside him. HE was prepared to comfort Pongo, he’s done so often enough, he was used to it but Jaynix too? The one who was normally bursting with confidence bordering on arrogance? Her felt her words hit him directly in the chest and he knew what he had to do.

“Alright you two. Bring it in.”

Without wasting another moment, he put an arm around each of them and pulled them in for a group hug. Forcing Pongo and Jaynix into each other.

“She’s right, Pongo. No one starts at the top. Not you. Not Jaynix. Not me. But the second you give up is the second that you ensure you will never get there. So, you better believe we’re not going to let you give up on yourself especially when you’ve already made progress. Don’t you remember how you were when we first met? Compare it to how you are now. The Pongo I met back then couldn’t have gone toe-to-toe with a giant Forfex for 16 hours straight. And I know you’re going to improve from there. You both are! I am NOT giving up on either of you.”

In the midst of this warm hug, Pongo allowed himself to finally let the tears stream down his face, no more holding back. All the while he tried to grasp this brand-new concept.

“Draco and Jaynix…they were in my shoes? That’s impossible. That can’t be right and yet, here they are…telling me just how low they once were and still consider themselves to be! Is this true? Is this real?”

At that moment, something hits him. A sudden realization, a spark in his mind. Jaynix is feeling down. Sad. Jaynix, of all people.

Breaking free of the hug he pulls Jaynix out as well and looks her directly in the face with stern eyes.

“I trust in you. Of course, I trust in you. You are an amazing individual and I do not care where you started out only that I know now that you worked so hard to reach where you are today. You are an inspiration and to see you like this…no. I will not allow it.”

In response to Pongo’s words, Jaynix could only blink. Part of her wanted to commend Pongo on maintaining eye contact but she felt that bringing that up now would ruin everything. However, her inner thoughts came to a halt upon hearing him say one word.

“Inspiration?”

She furrowed her brows.

“Am I an inspiration?”

She thought of that word as hard as she could. She thought of all the things that transpired and how she drove herself to near suicide more times than she could count. Could someone like her be an inspiration? Does she have any right to be an inspiration?

These thoughts swirling in her head she looked at Pongo as he put on his most confident smile. His eyes gave off a shine as he looked at her and in that moment, she knew that it didn’t matter if she saw herself as an inspiration or not.

To Pongo, she was.

“About before…”

She tilted her head as he continued.

“You were absolutely right. It was rude of me to rush in on you before asking you to dinner. Would it be too late to ask now?”

Jaynix smiled before letting out a few chuckles.

“It’s never too late for dinner and it’s never too late to ask. Yes Pongo, I think getting dinner with you would be great.”

Draco could only smile with pride at the development taking place before him. Despite the fact that these two were obviously hurting, they were still managing to support one another and that was something he couldn’t help be but be proud of.

“Well Pongo, that sounded pretty confidence to me! So, it seems like my work here is done…for now, at least.”

Pongo nodded to Draco and prepared to say something before it hit him that Jaynix had accepted his offer. He didn’t get rejected. He stares at Jaynix in shock before his smile grows even wider.

“Oh, my gods. OH. MY. GODS. You said yes!? THIS IS AMAZING! I will make sure that you get THE BEST food in the WORLD! And! And we will have an AMAZING TIME TOGETHER!”

Draco and Jaynix laugh at Pongo’s excitement. The former reaching into his suit jacket again and pulling out a wallet. Pulling out one of his cards he forces it into Pongo’s hands.

“Your dinner is on me. Think of it as my way of saying well done…to both of you. Pongo for gaining a little bit of confidence and support…and Jaynix for learning a bit of humility. You’ve both done well and I’m so proud of you two.”

Pongo looks over the card, realizing that it’s the Mission Revenue card. Given all the missions Draco runs there is no doubt in his mind that the card holds access to an exorbitant amount of credits. He looks to Draco.

“Woah! Absolutely not! I have plenty of my own credits to spend as it is and this is supposed to be my treat to her. Best give this to someone who might need it more than me. After all…”

Smiling he turns to Jaynix, his body radiating awkward levels of swagger.

“This is my date.”

Jaynix can’t help but laugh at Pongo’s interesting display of his newly discovered confidence.

“I do my fair share of missions as well so believe me when I say I’ve got a hefty purse…but if you want to pay, Pongo. The last thing I’ll do is complain.”

She then looked over to Draco “I have to say, this little bit of training worked out extraordinarily in the end eh?”

Draco took his card back, nodding to Pongo “Very well then.”

He had to admit, while he was surprised and a bit hopeful upon seeing Pongo’s sudden explosion of confidence he also hoped that they hadn’t created a monster of some sort. Though, as long as Jaynix seemed comfortable enough with it, no harm no foul. If anything, it just left the room open for another session.

“So, while Pongo and I are on our date, what’ll you be doing, Squad Dad? Got a hot date of your own?”

Draco shook his head “No, Jaynix. There is no Squad Mom if that’s what you were trying to ask.” He chuckled as Pongo spoke up.

“Oh! I actually do have someone; his name is Mr. Stake and he is beautiful and I love him!”

Jaynix could feel the innocence in Pongo’s words. She was honestly a little taken aback learning this awkward BLADE had a boyfriend, if anything that just proved that he wasn’t a lost cause.

Draco himself was shocked by this revelation. Pongo? In a relationship? He had many questions but decided it was best to hold off on those for another day.

“Well. This night has been successful. So, to the two of you I say, have a good time and please, try not to go too crazy.”

Jaynix chuckled at Draco’s words “We can try but this is me we’re talking about. The odds of the date going crazy…well, it’s more of a certainty if I’m being honest.”

Draco nodded “I should’ve assumed as much.”

“The night is young, plenty of time for crazy! Ready to go?”

Jaynix looked to Pongo, seeing him hold out his hand for her to take. He was reveling in his newfound confidence. Normally she’d take off for NLA on her own or drag Pongo along but seeing his display and the expression on his face, she could only smile and take his hand, letting him lead her instead.

“I want to hear more about this Mr. Stake over dinner if you don’t mind. I’m interested.”

Pongo smiled as they began walking “Sure! If I may ask, do you have significant others?”

Jaynix grinned “Yep and it’s only fair that I tell you about my girlfriends in return. I have to ask now, you sure you’re ready for this date?”

He nodded “Definitely! Nothing is gonna stop me from showing you a great time! And food!”

Wide smile, Pongo lead Jaynix back to NLA, the pair waving goodbye to Draco. There was a visible spring in Pongo’s step as he walked hand in hand with Jaynix.

Somewhere deep in his mind he felt…he knew that this confidence wouldn’t last for very long but for the time being he needed it to show Jaynix a fun time. No matter what the future would bring, what mattered most was the now.

And in the now, Pongo found himself tripping over his own feet and falling to the ground, flat on his face.

Some things never change.

[thewonkydonkeyposts-blog]

Disability, judgement, new connections and the “industry”.

We’ve been at the Civic for two weeks now and despite both of us battling (and losing) against some seriously nasty colds, we’ve covered a lot of ground. So much so in fact that I feel unsure of how to begin this post or what to cover.

My initial idea was that I would write a disability-focused blog post once a week. However, what has become clear is that just because you enter into a process focused on one aspect (how to work with my impairment), it doesn’t mean that all the other intriguing and challenging questions simply disappear; there are of course lots of other themes to consider in any creative process. 

In hindsight then, I think a weekly summary would make for some pretty convoluted and meandering scribblings and wouldn’t allow for any truly in-depth discussion of any of the individual themes that arise. With that in mind, it makes more sense to me to choose a particular topic or theme to blog about, regardless of the timeframe to which it refers.

I will begin with disability, judgement, new connections and the “industry”.

In the first few days of being here, we allowed ourselves to move, to play gently and land back in the devising space together, which felt necessary after eighteen months off. We played games and made each other laugh and it all felt good.

As we began to devise, I explored a new character or state I wanted to play with - the cat. Now it goes without saying that everyone can mimic or do an impression of a cat, we’re not interested in this. We wanted to see if I could embody the state of cat, to reduce its form to the very essence. Of course my body is not that of a cat, so how can we find the subtle nuances of behaviour and movement so that I am not simply ‘pretending to be a cat’ (which is boring and requires little skill). To achieve this ultimate state at a sustainable level (and by sustainable I mean at a level one could perform night after night for a 6 week tour), one must first go to 100% and then reduce it back down. At least, that’s what we did in our training.

But what if your body can’t go to 100% cat? In a previous version of myself, I would have used my intuition and freeness in my body to simply explore, probably expending a lot of energy in the process. I can’t do this anymore - I have to manage my movement so as not to cause pain or further injury. Managing play. Doesn’t sound fun. And that’s where the frustration lies; despite the initial joy of realising I can play at all, this block felt very real. My ‘100%’ has moved, that’s the crux of it. That’s what I have to accept.

Another barrier that I still feel I as a performer and we as a company are grappling with is energy levels and working hours. When I worked with devising companies before, we worked 10am-6pm each day and touring hours would be considerably longer. When training we would work an average ten hour day (often twelve or longer) for six days a week for six months at a time.

I can’t work like that anymore, I simply don’t have those energy levels. Whether it’s the constant pain, the painkillers that are also sedative, a body that is trying to heal itself or the mental energy of managing it all the time, I don’t know, but I am tired. I’m always tired. I need an absolute minimum of nine hours sleep (I used to be fine on seven) and more like ten or eleven to feel rested. If I get less than eight my pain levels for that day will be noticeably higher. It takes me a long time to wake up (my friends will laugh at this because I’ve never been a morning person, but this is different), possibly because of the sedative painkillers as I mentioned before, but maybe for all the other reasons too. And through the day I need more breaks.

So when we came into this process we told the Civic we would likely be in the space 10am-6pm every day. Well, it hasn’t worked quite like that. Most days we start at 10.30, sometimes even 11 and I have to take breaks to lie down and rest throughout the day. And even though I tell myself that this is fine and it’s what I need and the whole point of this time is to find a sustainable process that I can manage that doesn’t require weeks of recovery afterwards, I still feel ashamed. I worry people will think I’m lazy, that I don’t value the space we have been given and that I’m wasting the Arts Council’s precious money.

It also eliminates me from working with other companies, unless they have disabled performers with similar needs or a key accessibility policy built into their process. Most companies might have a two week R&D followed by a 4-6 week rehearsal followed by perhaps a run at Edinburgh (26 nights on the trot,  with one night off if you’re lucky) and if it’s successful, a London transfer and a 3-6 week tour. You need to be travelling to rehearsals and working long hours when you get there. 

So I am not employable. Despite my degree, my two years professional training plus all the experience I have, there isn’t the time or the money for companies to double their rehearsal time and tour schedule to allow me to recuperate. And though I love making my own work, of course I want to collaborate with other people, I’m a professional actor at the end of the day - I want to work!

We spoke about this with Paula Brooke from Dark Horse Theatre when we met up with her after seeing the company’s current show You Have Been Watching, which I reviewed for Theatre Bubble. We spoke about their training programme, how they make work and support their actors.

The energy levels question was certainly something she experienced in working with actors with learning disabilities, both in their training programme and when creating shows; the boundaries are shifted. And for her what is important is that it’s not lesser, its just different. 

We spoke too about the industry and how it calls for long hours of high energy ability and how if one of their actors gets an audition in London, it isn’t as simple as hopping on a train last minute, it takes a lot of organisation. And if there’s a second audition or a recall at short notice, it might be that they simply can’t go. The industry isn’t set up for people who need time to plan or time to rest, because there isn’t any - time I mean. It all feels pretty exclusionary.

On the flip side of this, when I’m having a good day, I also worry. I may wake up and think “Oh, I’m not in pain right now, that’s nice”, I might not need to use my crutches as much today. And even on a bad day, I can usually potter over to the kitchen (about 5 metres) from the door of the studio we are in to make cup of tea and potter back. Some days I can even walk at my usual pace for a little while and there are plenty of movements I can do no problem - I can stand, move any part of my torso or arms, bend from the waist, even balance on one leg. I just can’t lift my knee to my chest, squat, crawl, kneel, sit, jump, run or walk very far.

But if I do the things I can do, or walk a short distance without my sticks, I can feel people thinking “Hang on! She’s on crutches, but she just walked - she must be a fraud!” It’s almost as though I end up feeling not disabled enough to warrant the needs I have. I even end up using my sticks when I don’t need to so that people won’t think me just an attention-seeking lier.

A little while ago I read a wonderful article that (even though it’s about visual impairment), resonated so strongly with me because it deals with just this problem - the perceived binary nature of disability: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/nov/14/the-way-i-see-it-living-with-partial-blindness-rp

I have spoken too, with a friend of mine who has cerebral palsy and uses a wheel chair, though she isn’t “wheelchair bound”. She can walk up stairs and move about, but it’s utterly exhausting. That’s another element to manage - I may not need to use my sticks in that moment because I have little pain and I’m having a good day, but what about later? I have to constantly monitor my actions now, to not incapacitate myself later or tomorrow.

And, what if, one day, I do get better? Well, of course that would be wonderful, it’s what I fantasise about regularly. But what about this work and this process? Will I have to give the money and the time and space back because it wasn’t real after all - it was only a temporary thing I just had to wait out? It feels like a minefield; all of these questions and worries float around me daily. And each day I try to be kind, follow my energy and keep playing - concentrate on what is now, because really, it feels like the only way forward.