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5hfanfiction · 7 years ago

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you were always the best part of me

Camila and Lauren love each other but don’t know how to deal with it (mostly Lauren though).

Best friends to lovers AU

——————————————————————————————

Camila looks at her best friend with a soft smile on her face as she watches the dark-haired girl struggle with the can opener. Camila had proposed on multiple occasions to simply buy another one, but Lauren had insisted that it was still quite functional and that there’s no need to throw your money at every little single problem, Camila.

The brunette walks over to the girl at the counter and sets her chin on her folded arms as she watches the dark-haired girl with amused eyes. “Still don’t wanna buy a new one?” she teases.

“Ugh!” Lauren throws the can back in the cupboard and ceremoniously chucks the can opener into the garbage can. “Fine! Buy the new, stupid can opener. We’re ordering take-out tonight,” she says in a tired voice as she plops on the couch and angrily dials their favorite Thai place.

After she finishes ordering, Camila sits next to her and puts her arm around the girl’s tense shoulders, “Relax, babe” she says soothingly. Lauren immediately relaxes under her touch and sends her a grateful smile.

“I know, I’m sorry for snapping,” Lauren tells her apologetically. “It’s just this whole graduation thing and picking the right firm and finalizing my portfolio, it’s all just-”

“Hey, look at me,” Camila implores her as she uses her other hand to bring Lauren’s chin up so the girl can face her. She looks into her best friend’s eyes and says, “You’ve got this. You know you’ve got this. There are like, a million firms that want you and it’s all gonna work out in the end, okay?” Camila says.

“Yeah, but if you’re heading your branch here, I want to work with the firm that’s based here too. You know I can’t live without you,” she half-jokes, causing Camila to blush slightly.

“And I’m sure the firm here will be stupid to pass you up,” Camila insists and then she continues, “I mean you’ve spent like two summers interning at that firm, right?” Lauren nods and the brunette finishes with, “then I’ll drink with you once we’ve both secured our adult jobs and even if we don’t, I’ll still be here, okay?” she says with a huge, bright smile on her face.

“Yeah, okay.” Lauren’s not sure how Camila always manages to calm her down, but she does, and she’s forever grateful for it. She’s grateful for her. Camila’s always been the calm in the midst of her stormy life.

“Okay, then. That’s settled,” Camila smiles. “Me and you, right?”

“You and me, bubs” Lauren concurs as she moves to hug her.

—

It’s always been Lauren and Camila for as long as Camila can remember. Well, since they met when they were fourteen.

Camila met Lauren during their freshman year when the green-eyed girl saved her from a couple jerks making fun of her crooked teeth. Lauren gave them their own set of crooked teeth with her fist.

Camila had repaid her by cleaning up her injured hand and they’ve been inseparable since. Their friendship only grew stronger for every moment that Lauren spent at Camila’s house. Lauren’s home life was not the best seeing as her foster parents only seemed to care about the money she brought to their household. Whatever parental guidance she lacked from her parents, however, was filled in by Camila’s, who attended every awards night her own parents disregarded, and threw every birthday party no one else seemed to remember.

They met Dinah in college during their first semester at UCLA.

Lauren is currently finishing up a degree in architecture. She’s been drawing houses since she figured out how to secure a crayon between her chubby fingers when she was still very young and she’s always wanted to pursue a career in which she could make a difference. She thinks designing skyscrapers for billionaires and using her earnings to build houses and better homeless shelters and orphanages (so parent-less kids can have a better time than she did) is a good way to do just that.

Camila, on the other hand, is majoring in business with a couple of minors in literature and music. She’s set to inherit her parents’ hotel and restaurant business after graduation and is being groomed to becoming the youngest female business magnate in the Western Hemisphere. Camila has always loved their family business and had no objections to running it in the future. She loves reading and music just as much, however, and didn’t want to lose touch with her other passions so she added a couple minors to her study.

Dinah had rescued Camila from a frat boy that couldn’t take a hint at one of the parties the pair had gone to one night. It had taken all of Camila’s strength (and barely any of Dinah’s) to stop Lauren from searching for the boy and pummeling his head to the ground.

They met Normani through Dinah, and eventually met Ally through the café they began to frequent as a group. Normani and Dinah both major in performing arts, while Ally is taking up business as well, with her sights set on opening up her own bakery in the future.

—

So now, here they are, living in an apartment they’ve shared since freshman year, a few weeks away from graduation and the rest of their lives. Camila has been assigned to handle their main hotel in Los Angeles after graduation and Lauren has received several job offers from different architectural firms, but her heart is set on the offer from a firm in L.A., unable to really stay away from her best friend.

Their sexualities have never really been a problem for either one. Lauren knew from an early age that she was attracted to boys and girls, and the plethora of boys and girls that vied for her heart during high school and through college can attest to just how much she loves both.

She’s the type of person that pays attention to everyone around her and is ready to give her time, to anyone who is willing at least, because she simply loves people. She thrives off of hearing about people’s lives and learning about their experiences and since she’s blessed with the confidence and beauty of a goddess, it was hard to find Lauren without a partner for extended periods of time.

They never seem to last very long, however. She finds that she’s able to satiate her intellectual cravings the most when she’s with her best friend, and they’re talking about things that range from whether pineapple on pizza is criminal or the best thing that’s ever happened, to the social and political issues that continue to plague the world they live in. She’s happiest in mismatched fuzzy socks and outrageous onesies sharing a pizza (she doesn’t particularly like, but tolerates nevertheless, because it’s Camila’s favorite) with her best friend.

Camila, on the other hand, has accepted for a while that she can fall in love with anyone: boy, girl, someone who identifies with neither, and so on. She finds, much like Lauren, that the brain is the body part she cares most about. Unlike Lauren, however, she hasn’t been as – well, expressive- about her sexuality as Lauren, in that she’s only dated a few men and women in the past.

With such a deep connection that runs beyond their shared interests, Lauren and Camila had always been affectionate with one another. Lingering touches and meaningful stares being a staple in how they communicated with each other.

Lately, however, Camila has noticed a few changes.

Minor, but noticeable changes, nonetheless.

Lauren’s lingering touches seem to stay longer than usual. Camila will sometimes catch Lauren looking at her, and instead of her smile that is usually followed by her turning away, Lauren has been keeping her eyes trained on her, making Camila feel vulnerable under her stare.

She feels a shift in the universe and she’s doesn’t know what to do with it.

Lately, Lauren seems more conspicuous with her soft smiles and tender touches and gentle gazes and Camila is a bit overwhelmed. The dark-haired girl has spent her most recent nights in Camila’s room, seemingly completely abandoning her own, citing the cold weather as her excuse for being especially cuddly.

Camila isn’t complaining, but she is confused.

She knows this has been going on since that one night Lauren came home drunk and burst into her room at three in the morning. In her drunken haze, she had stubbed her toe on Camila’s dresser and was loudly cursing the heavens above when Camila was awoken by all the noise.

“Lauren?” she asks sleepily.

“Ssshhhhh, Camila!” Lauren whisper-yells. “We can’t wake up the neighbors again,” she giggles and continues to make her way to Camila’s bed.

She stumbles forward and lands ungracefully on top of Camila. Camila lets out a grunt and tries to push her off, “Lo, let’s get you cleaned up and into bed” she says.

Lauren smirks and props her arms on either side of Camila’s head. “You’d like to take me to bed now, won’t you, Miss Karla?” she tries to ask seductively, and although she would have pulled it off any other day, right now, she’s a little too drunk and a little too messy to be provocative.

Camila drops her head back and groans, “Oh my gosh, Lo. You’re so drunk. Come on, let’s get you into something more comfortable,” she pleads and tries again (in vain) to get Lauren off of her. Lauren stays in place and is suddenly looking at her with strikingly focused eyes for someone who was supposedly smashed out of their mind.

She lifts one hand and traces Camila’s features so delicately, it’s almost imperceptible, the only reason Camila is sure of it is because she’s always been oriented towards Lauren and her touches. “You’re absolutely, fucking gorgeous, you know that,” Lauren breathes out with so much sincerity, Camila is having a hard time processing it.

Her breath catches in her throat, her heart is pounding against her chest, and she’s completely captivated by Lauren’s eyes and her presence and is barely able to stutter out,

“Lauren, w-what are you-”

“I think you’re my soulmate, Camz,” Lauren continues, her eyes still so overwhelmingly focused on Camila’s. “I think I-”

Lauren leans in and Camila holds her breath. She closes her eyes and can feel Lauren’s lips are a mere hairbreadth from her mouth and she feels a tingling sensation on her trembling lips from the heat emanating from Lauren’s proximity.

The moment breaks with the blaring of Lauren’s phone. Lauren pulls away abruptly, finally shaken out of her trance and rolls on her back off of Camila.

“Fuck, I think I’m drunk,” Lauren giggles and she looks over at Camila who is frantically looking for Lauren’s phone, her face is flushed and she looks rattled. “Camz, you okay?” she asks.

“Shut up, Laur,” she hisses when she finally tracks Lauren’s phone and picks it up. “Hello?”

“Oh thank god, she’s with you,” Camila hears Dinah’s unmistakable voice float through the phone’s speakers. “Okay, Chanch, take care of your girl. Sorry, the night got a little bit out of hand, but at least we know Lauser always know who to come home to, right?” she teases right before she hangs up, before Camila can even begin to respond.

Camila stares at the phone blankly and falls back on her bed, her heart still racing from moments ago and turns to look over at her best friend, who’s now made herself comfortable in between Camila’s duvet and is snoring lightly. Camila doesn’t know whether she loves her or wants to throw her out the window.

Everything has been different since then. Lauren claims she doesn’t remember a single thing about that night while Camila can’t seem to forget it even if she tried. Especially because of the way the green-eyed girl has been acting.

The bubble bursts one night while Camila is hanging out with Dinah.

She’s gushing about Lauren and how she’s been crazy affectionate, Dinah! She’s in the middle of telling her a story of how Lauren drove in the middle of the night to find her favorite ice cream because her period cramps were being extra terrible last week, and although Lauren would have done that before as well, the lingering kiss she leaves on Camila’s forehead seems more meaningful in light of recent events.

“Something is happening Dinah. I’m not sure what is is, but something is happening,” she insists with a smile.

“Camren is happening,” Dinah responds casually.

“What does Camre-” Camila doesn’t finish her sentence because an ecstatic Lauren barges into the living room, declaring,

“Guess what, beautiful person in my living room, and Camila,” Lauren pointedly says.

Camila is in the middle of reaching for a pillow to chuck at Lauren when Lauren says something that slams her heart against her chest so hard she swears it stops beating.

“I’m taking Bela to the gala!” Lauren finishes happily.

Dinah throws Camila an apologetic look and gives her time to recuperate by asking more about Lauren’s date. “Who’s Bela again?” she asks even though she doesn’t care. Camila blinks slowly and tries to get her body to resume function.

“Oh come on, I’ve told you about her. Hot girl from my elective sociology class? Brunette, Latina, funny and smart, you’ve seen her with me!” Lauren elaborates.

“Sounds like someone I know,” Dinah mutters low enough so only Camila can hear. “Oh that one, I remember.” She doesn’t.

“Yeah, I’m excited,” she says almost jumping in place. She turns to her best friend who’s been quiet since she arrived and sits next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, “What about you, Camz? Who’s gonna be the lucky guy or gal?” she asks interestedly.

Camila musters a weak smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes and responds, “I don’t know, might go solo this year” she mumbles. [A/N: was gonna change this because of how the wording turned out, but decided to keep it haha I’m a masochist haha].

When Lauren leaves for her room, Dinah places a comforting hand on Camila’s arm and says sadly, “She’s an idiot, Mila.” The blonde California native smiles when she draws a tiny smile from the brunette. “You’ve always been the smarter of the two of you, she’ll figure it out soon enough though.”

As comforting as that sounds, soon is a relative term.

–

Camila’s family throws an annual gala at one of their hotels around April during which other business tycoons from across the globe meet and play nice and make provisional verbal business agreements with one another over different classes of Dom Perignon and Armand de Brignac. It’s where moguls can show off their shiny, new business ventures and even shinier 21 year-old girlfriends [mistresses]. It’s a networking affair under the guise of a black tie event.

Camila and Lauren have been attending the gala ever since they could fit in dresses that didn’t completely swallow their frames. Sometimes they go as each other’s dates, and on the rare occasion that they’re both dating someone else around the time of the gala, they go with their respective dates. Like clockwork, however, they always end up going home together every year because that’s just how it’s always worked. They’d spend the night ruining their overpriced dresses while eating ice cream on their couch as they watch trashy reality TV. It’s how Lauren and Camila always have been.

So when Camila goes home alone the night of the gala while Lauren spends the night at Bela’s, Camila is sure something is definitely happening, but she’s not sure if she likes whatever is happening.

–

It’s easy to get Lauren’s attention, but quite hard to keep it. The only person that’s been able to do that is Camila, so the Bela SituationTM predictably doesn’t last more than a week and a half and Lauren is back to being single in no time, even if the situation with Camila is far from normal. Camila had kept her distance ever since the gala, making up excuses to skip movie night, leaving the apartment earlier than normal, and only getting back when she knows Lauren has probably retired to bed.

She figures it’s easier to deal with pining for her best friend who doesn’t feel the same when she doesn’t have to see her stupid, green eyes all the time.

She’s startled out of her mind when she comes home at one in the morning and turns on the kitchen light, only to be met with the very same stupid, green eyes she’s been avoiding as she sees Lauren sitting at the counter, sipping coffee as she stares at the startled brunette.

“Holy shit, Lauren,” she gasps as she puts a hand on her chest, desperately trying to settle her heart rate back to normal. “You scared the shit out of me,” she says.

“Have you been avoiding me?” Lauren asks calmly. She’s always so calm, it’s infuriates Camila to no end.

“Why the fuck are you drinking coffee in the dark, you weirdo” Camila says with a ghost of a smile on her lips. She never could stay angry with Lauren.

“I turned off the lights when I saw you park in the street,” the dark-haired girl responds casually. “Anyway, you didn’t answer my question.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Camila retorts as she pours herself a glass of water when her heart has calmed down to a semi-normal rate. “And I’m not avoiding you,” she mumbles.

“Oh come on Camz, I’ve known you for eight years, you’re really going to try to lie to me?” Lauren fires back.

“Well as smart as you are Lauren, you can be really dumb too,” Camila says as she tries to reel her growing temper. “You really have no idea why I’m avoiding you?” the brunette asks pointedly.

Lauren shifts in her seat and begins to say, “Camila, I don’t know what you want me-”

“You know exactly what I want, Lauren!” Camila interrupts her exasperatedly. “You’re right, you know me better than anyone else so I know you know why I’m avoiding you.” Camila rubs her forehead with the pads of her fingers and continues, “You can’t do all these things and treat me differently and then leave me hanging, Laur,” she says tiredly. “I thought I was above your hook-ups for crying out loud.”

“Of course you are, Camila!” Lauren responds, sounding just as defeated. “God this is why-” she breathes heavily and stands up, now pacing the floor distractedly. “This is exactly why I asked Bela and why I stayed with her because we were heading down a really dangerous path, Camila.” She stops pacing to face the brunette, “This,” she gestures between her and the other girl, “can’t happen. I won’t let it,” she finishes.

“I think I’m in love with you,” Camila says anyway.

Lauren’s heart soars and plummets to the ground in the same instance. She’s dreamt of those words being directed at her by Camila and in another lifetime, when she didn’t consider herself such a huge, self-destructive fuck-up, maybe she would’ve taken Camila right there and then and they could have ridden off into the sunset together. But this is their reality, and she does believe herself not nearly good enough for someone like Camila, so she stays her ground.

“No Camila, you don’t” she says stubbornly. “You just think you do, but you don’t. Trust me,” she pleads.

Camila scoffs and continues, “I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love with you since high school actually. Have you ever wondered why neither of our past relationships have ever worked?”

“That’s because none of my relationships are meant to work, Camila” Lauren says, her mind and body jaded from the emotional burden she’s trying to fight from surfacing. “But for you, you just haven’t met the right person,” she insists.

Camila stands in front of Lauren, her face mere inches from the other girl’s, “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t feel the same way,” she says without missing a beat.

“Of course, I feel the same way, Camz,” she concedes. Her heart feels like a ton in her chest and her throat feels too tight. She feels every word tear at her vocal cords and she’s having a hard time keeping her tears at bay.

Camila doesn’t know why she feels like Lauren’s words are about to tear her heart out of her chest. “But it’s not enough, I’m not enough for you,” Lauren says. “I’m never enough,” she insists as she wipes the tears that have started to fall down her pale cheeks against her will. “I wasn’t enough for my biological parents, wasn’t enough for my foster parents, and I’m not good enough to be with you,” she continues. “I’m bound to mess this up if we let it happen, and I can’t lose you, Camz. I won’t” she finishes with a resolute tone.

Camila steps forward and grabs Lauren’s hands with both of hers, forcing Lauren to look up. “You’re more than enough,” Camila stresses.

“Please, Camila” Lauren says firmly. “No one is good enough for you, but I know I definitely am not.”

“Do you really think we can go back to normal after this? Don’t do this. Please don’t throw this away before we even have a chance to-”

“I’m leaving.”

Camila doesn’t know how her shattered heart can break into even tinier pieces. But she feels it so.

“What,” she whispers as she drops Lauren’s hands.

“I accepted an offer from New York,” Lauren says, eyes not meeting Camila’s.

“What do you mean you – I – ” Camila starts to breathe heavily and says “You know I’ve signed a contract for our branch here, Lauren. I can’t get out of that for at least another year,” she says in a panicked voice.

“This is what we need, Camz,” Lauren explains. “We have to get our feelings sorted out so we can come back to what we were, I don’t want to ruin us.”

“Lauren,” Camila says, her voice breaking. She feels herself falling apart, “please tell me you haven’t rejected the offer here in L.A.? If you don’t want to be with me, fine. I’ll deal with it. But please,” she sobs pleadingly,

“Stay.

Don’t leave me, I can’t do this without you, Lauren. I’ll get my feelings under control, please Lo,” she continues to sob as her words string together hurriedly.

Lauren musters up every bit of strength she has and says, “I leave next week, I’m sorry,” she says as she walks out of the apartment, prying her hands away from Camila and hearing her pained sobs across the closed apartment door. The last thing she hears from Camila is her mumbling “me and you” amidst her distressed sobs.

–

Lauren is sitting in a deserted airport at three in the morning the next day. She’s clad in ripped jeans and an oversized UCLA hoodie that Camila bought for her because she knows how much the dark-haired girl loves when her clothes are big on her. Her eyes are red and swollen with dark circles under them, her skin paler than normal, and her heart feels like it’s barely able to beat hard enough to keep her alive. She feels empty and is on the verge of falling apart when Normani’s voice floats through the silent atmosphere and stirs her out of her stupor.

“Hey, Laur,” she says soothingly as she places a gentle arm on Lauren’s arm. “Are you sure you want to do this right now,” she asks carefully. “You told Mila you’d be leaving next week. You’re not even going to – you know – say goodbye to her properly?”

Lauren looks at Normani sadly. “I won’t be able to leave if I so much as hear her voice, Mani” she responds tiredly.

“Maybe you don’t have to go at all.”

“This is a huge opportunity,” Lauren tries to say.

“Bullshit, Laur.” Normani has always been a voice of reason. “You gave up a huge internship in London two years ago to be with Camila because she had been taking the break-up with Austin so badly. That’s how you ended up at that L.A. firm in the first place,” Normani says with a sad smile, “and she still doesn’t know about that by the way.”

“That’s different,” Lauren responds weakly.

“You know it’s not.”

“This is what’s best for everyone.”

“You really think so?” Normani prods. She’s never been one to pull punches. Lauren has always been envious of how Normani can show “tough love” so perfectly. Not afraid to hold anything back, but delivers the truth with so much grace that you’re left with no choice but to respond honestly.

“You think leaving your best friend like this is ‘best’ for everyone? Who is it the best for exactly?” she continues.

“You and I both know I don’t deser-”

“Actually, I don’t, Laur. You love that girl more than anything in this world. You’re hurting just as much as she is” Normani says pleadingly. “Don’t make her resent you.”

Lauren looks up at that and Normani can see the pain in her eyes and watches her break internally at every word that leaves her mouth.

“Maybe this’ll make it easier for her to move on,” Lauren says miserably. “She’ll get over me soon enough.”

FLIGHT 727 BOARDING AT GATE 2. FLIGHT 727 BOARDING AT GATE 2.

Normani follows Lauren up as she stands and carries her bags. Lauren hugs her friend and she tells her in a quiet voice that cracks through her heart, “I don’t deserve her, Mani. Please make sure that she’ll be okay.”

Normani lets go and nods her head. She’s the only one Lauren trusted to keep the information about New York a secret and she’s the only one who’ll continue to have contact with Lauren. Lauren had begged her to not let anyone else know and as much as Normani hated it, she was going to keep her word.

—————————————

2 years later

Camila sips her coffee as she looks out at the bustling streets of New York from the safety of a booth in Starbucks. She watches as a mother desperately tries to keep her kid under the tiny umbrella while carrying grocery-filled bags while trying not get trampled by the rest of New York city all at the same time.

She thinks about a video she’d seen recently, talking about how humans only have about 2,740 days in a lifetime that aren’t spent eating, sleeping, working, and everything else that humans need to do to survive [A/N: “The Time You Have (In JellyBeans) by zefrank1 on Youtube. I never mastered MLA/APA, so this citation will have to do, sorry].

She thinks about how much of that time she’s spent thinking about someone who did not so much as leave a note when she decided to leave a gaping hole in heart. Then she remembers where she is now and she smiles contently. She’s living her dream of running her family’s company and have seamlessly fit into the world of business like a key to its lock. She still writes and plays music from time to time, but she’s found her niche in the business society.

She’s taken out of her musings when a smartly dressed man approaches her and says apologetically, “Ms. Cabello, I’m so sorry I’m late. New York traffic and all, you know how it is,” he chuckles.

“I lived in L.A. for quite some time, so trust me, I know, Mr. Rooke” she smiles politely and takes his extended hand as they both proceed to takes their seats.

“Please, call me Julian,” the man insists.

“Well, I won’t keep you long, but I did want to finalize some details about the project with you before you meet our firm’s head architect for the planning process next week,” Julian says as Camila nods.

They work out the details and Camila finds herself, a week later, in the elevator of one of Manhattan’s skyscrapers, on her way to meet the architect that will be responsible for the design of the new hotel her family is constructing in the heart of the city. She surveys the city through the glass and wonders if she’ll ever feel comfortable enough in this gigantic city. She moved to New York a couple months ago and is staying in the area for the next two to three years to personally oversee her company’s new project and also handle the few hotels they have in the metropolis already.

Camila enters the conference room and almost collapses on the spot when she scans the room and the first thing her eyes land on are the same eyes that hasn’t left her mind since two years ago. Lauren seems to find her eyes at the same time that she does and it’s like they still have each other’s radar in that they’re still drawn to one another in a room full of people.

Lauren, for her part, recovers quickly, as the rest of the men and women in the room notice Camila’s presence and proceed to continue on with the meeting. Camila manages to keep it together until the end and only thinks about flinging herself through the window twice when Lauren was being particularly difficult with her piercing green eyes and alarmingly sexy with her commanding presence when she was presenting her draft to the board.

Soon, everyone is piling out of the room and Lauren and Camila are left with Julian as they finish up with a few more details.

“Well, that’s it, then” Julian claps his hand together, breaking the staring contest between Lauren and Camila. “We should be able to get this project up and going very soon,” he exclaims excitedly.

“Definitely.”

“Looking forward to it.”

“And I assume you guys would be working together just fine, seeing as you know each other from way back, right?” he asks happily.

“Of course,” Camila responds first. “Lauren and I went to the same alma mater and have mutual friends” she explains diplomatically.

“Perfect,” he says as he bids his goodbye, “I’ll see you ladies soon!”

The air is thick with tension when the door closes with a bang behind Julian. Lauren opens her mouth and then closes it when she realizes she’s not sure what she’s supposed to say without possibly provoking Camila.

Camila clears her throat, and says as steadily as she can, “I see you’ve done well for yourself here.”

Lauren looks up and Camila sees a flash of something in her eyes, but it’s gone before Camila has a chance to decipher it. “Yeah, um,” she swallows the lump in her throat and forces herself to gather her thoughts, “New York gave me the break I needed.”

Camila nods and is about to respond when Lauren says, “We’re – I mean – you’re, um, it’s,” she takes a deep breath and meets Camila’s expectant look, “I mean, we can work together, right? If you feel uncomfortable or anyth-”

“Why would I be uncomfortable?” Camila asks callously. Her gaze is icy and her tone is clipped, it sends a shiver down Lauren’s spine. “It’s been two years of absolute silence from you, Lauren. Trust me, I can take a hint.”

“Camila, I’m sor-” Lauren starts.

“No, I’m sorry,” Camila says. She gathers herself and starts over, “That was unprofessional of me. We can definitely work together. There’ll be no problem on my part. This is all business. Unless of course it’s a problem for you?”

“No of course not, I just wanted to make sure that…”

“Well then it’s settled, I look forward to working with you Ms. Jauregui,” Camila extends her hand and Lauren takes it hesitantly.

There’s an unmistakable current that runs through both girls when their hands touch and they hold their ground in hiding just how much that seemingly trivial contact is affecting the both of them.

That night, Camila calls Dinah in a frenzy and the blonde manages to calm Camila down from her impending panic attack. “What the fuck am I supposed to do Cheech,” Camila says over the phone.

“You can do this, you’ve said it yourself multiple times, it’s been two years and you’re over her,” she lets her words settle. “Unless…” Dinah trails off.

“Of course I’m over her, it’s still weird is all,” Camila tries her best to be convincing. “Do you think it’s too late to hire a new architectural company?” she asks hopefully.

“Mila,” Dinah says in a warning tone. “Your dad handpicked that company, he won’t be happy with that. And as angry as you are with Lauren, even you know that wouldn’t be right,” she says seriously.

“You’re right,” Camila sighs. “I mean, how often will we have to actually work together anyway, right?” Camila ponders.

Apparently, quite often.

Camila has spent almost everyday of her last two weeks with Lauren, working out the kinks of the design with her. They’re either in Lauren’s office or her own until late hours of the night and Camila is starting to miss the world outside of office walls constantly bathed under harsh fluorescent lights.

Camila is sat across from Lauren in the brunette’s office as she watches the green-eyed girl slave over the changes they’ve made in her design, her thick eyebrows pulled together as she tries to work out the new additions. Camila is finding it difficult to not reach over and smooth out the lines forming on Lauren’s forehead.

She’s saved from what she could have possibly done when someone barges in her office happily and greets her.

“Hey love, ready to go?” the man, dressed in an impeccable suit, asks Camila. Lauren looks up and sees Camila running to the man and engulfing him in a bone-crushing hug.

“Dex!” Camila exclaims happily and Lauren has a quick flashback to when she was on the receiving end of that blinding smile and overt affection. Lauren had foolishly thought Camila would reserve that smile for her. She knows she doesn’t hold Camila’s heart anymore. “Yeah, we’re just finishing up here,” Camila says as she gestures to the paperwork around her. “Oh by the way, Lauren, this is Dexter. Dexter, this is Lauren. She’s the head architect for our new hotel,” Camila introduces the two. Lauren stands up and shakes Dexter’s extended hand, slightly caught off guard by his charming smile.

“It’s nice to meet you,” she says politely as Dexter responds with “Pleasure’s all mine.”

“Well, I’ll meet you downstairs,” Dexter says and Camila nods her assent, “I’ll be down in a sec, babe,” she says as she gives Dexter a goodbye kiss on the cheek.

Lauren can feel her heart constricting at the term of endearment and turns away with her jaw clenched when she sees Camila lean in.

That night, she falls asleep with the reality that she might’ve truly lost Camila, weighing heavy on her mind.

–

They’re spending another late night together, in Lauren’s office this time, and Camila finds herself taken, again, with how Lauren can make a simple task such as writing look so beautiful. Her hair is in a bun, with a few rebellious strands escaping and framing her ivory colored face with dark, wavy tendrils of hair. The juxtaposition of light and dark creating a stark contrast that highlights her impossibly green eyes.

She’s rudely brought out of her one-sided staring when Lauren’s assistant, Olivia, comes in with take-out bags. She sets the food down in front of Lauren and Camila watches curiously with a raised eyebrow as Olivia’s hand lingers a little too long on Lauren’s shoulder when Laurens thanks her.

Camila feels inexplicable anger rush through her veins and she clutches the pen she’s holding tightly. “There’s this Thai place that taste just like the one near our old apartment, Camz, I swear…”

Lauren trails off when she realizes Camila is still glaring at the door where Olivia had just gone through. The nickname, however, aggressively tugs Camila back to the present, drags her through her contemplations, and harshly plops her back into reality in front of the dark-haired girl as she stares at Lauren. Lauren seems to realize what she just said and hurriedly explains, “I’m – I didn’t mean – I’m sorr-”

She takes a deep breath and finishes with, “Here’s some food, don’t want Dexter thinking I’m starving you,” she says with a tone that makes Camila kink her eyebrow.

“Yeah, he takes pretty good care of me,” Camila responds, eyeing the other girl’s reaction.

“Good to know,” Lauren replies, tone teetering on the edge of hostility.

They’re on opposite ends of the elevator after finally finishing for the day at around midnight. The city rushing upwards in Camila’s field of view in a blur of red, yellow, blue, and green lights as they descend from the fiftieth floor of the building. Lauren watches as the lights reflect on Camila’s visage, making it seem like the city’s lights are painted across Camila’s brown eyes, down the slope of her nose, and throughout her cheeks and neck. Lauren has considered New York her home for the past two years, and seeing the city she’s grown to love captured on the features of the woman she loved – loves – she’s never felt more at home.

Her thoughts are jostled out of her consciousness when the elevator comes to an abrupt stop and the lights go out, giving way to a faint red light in the corner of the lift. She hears Camila gasp and hold onto the sides as Lauren moves to press the emergency button.

She turns to Camila and sees that her face has gone ashen, her grip on the bars tightening. She drops her bag and crosses the distance between them to take Camila’s face in her hands. Has it been mentioned that Camila is claustrophobic? Well, Camila’s claustrophobic and has a bit of agoraphobia.

Her breathing has increased dramatically and she feels her heart hammering against her ribcage. Lauren looks increasingly worried and tries to get her attention, “Camila!” she pleads. “Camz, please baby, breathe. Focus on my voice, okay?”

The nickname and term of endearment along with Lauren’s hands on her face bring Camila back. She can feel herself calming down and relaxing as Lauren continues to say soothing words, “That’s it, breathe in and out, slowly, okay? You’re okay, I’ve got you.”

Once she’s calmed down, another type of tension begins to rise in her chest. She can still feel Lauren’s thumbs, moving along the side of her face, softly caressing her face.

Something in the air shifts and Lauren seems to notice it too as Camila feels the hands on her face still. The brunette brings her own hands to Lauren’s forearms and looks into Lauren’s intense gaze. They’re both breathing heavily and Camila’s hold on Lauren’s arms tighten as green eyes move to her lips. She instinctively licks her lips as she moves her own eyes to Lauren’s mouth. Lauren then abruptly, but softly pushes her against the wall of the elevator, closing the distance between their bodies as they mold into one another. Lauren looks back up to Camila’s eyes and looks for any hint of objection. She sees dark and wide eyes and starts to lean forward, closing her eyes and feeling Camila’s breath surrounding her lips when-

The elevator comes back to life and the light flickers back on.

Lauren pushes herself off of Camila and hastily picks up her bag as Camila turns toward the door, picking up her own bag and clutching it rigidly, willing her breathing to go back to normal and coaxing her heart back into her chest instead of up her throat.

They reach the lobby and part without so much as a glance to one another.

They don’t talk about it.

It’s easier to pretend the air isn’t suffocating when they don’t think about nearly jumping each other in the elevator.

–

It’s been about a month of working together and Lauren thinks she’s going to die. She’s never had to deal with so much tension before. Her body feels rigid and she feels like she’s constantly on edge. Camila’s presence overwhelms her and her whole being is taut with pure, suppressed, wound-up tension. She’s neck deep in this taxing atmosphere and she’s never been a particularly strong swimmer, so she just hopes she comes out of this alive.

Camila is well, Camila is confused. After shedding half her body weight in tears when Lauren had left her, sleeping through half of L.A.’s most eligible bachelors/bachelorettes for a few months, and burning her saved photos of Lauren (and by burning, she means securely hidden in an old box deep in her closet), she’d convinced herself that she is, in fact, without a doubt, over Lauren Jauregui. They were never even together, she thinks it’s silly she was so hung up in the first place. But then she remembers that her relationship with Lauren probably ran deeper than some romantic relationships she knew, and she’s back to square one.

She’s confused by her body’s reactions to everything Lauren does. She’s confused that even after two years of having zero contact with her, it took about two seconds for her to fall right back into her old, pining ways.

–

Lauren and Camila are at a function that Camila’s company was throwing to celebrate the green light their venture has recently gotten from the powers that be.

The green-eyed girl is nursing a champagne glass to the side as she watches Camila dancing happily with Dexter, looking as light and as carefree as ever. Her heart clenches as she watches the love of her life be happy with someone else. She smiles at the thought, however, that Camila is happy. She deserves happiness and so much more, she thinks.

She’s so caught up with watching Camila that she doesn’t realize someone has joined her. “Pretty, no?” Dinah’s voice shakes her out of her trance and she looks over to see the blonde raising an eyebrow at her, looking smug as always.

“Dinah!” Lauren says as she throws her arms around the girl, “Oh my gosh, it’s so good to see you!” Lauren pulls back as Dinah says, “Good to see you too, Lauser” and then adds, “I see you’re as taken with Camila as you’ve ever been.”

Dinah flew in to visit Camila in time for her big, celebratory event for her upcoming hotel. Lauren stutters and struggles to straighten her thoughts out at Dinah’s comment. She blames it on the free alcohol and convinces herself it has nothing to do with Dinah’s challenging gaze at all.

“I wasn’t even – that’s not what I – Dinah, you know we’re not..” Lauren takes a deep breath. “I’m not even gonna dignify that with a response.”

“She says as a response,” Dinah retorts, rolling her eyes.

They don’t speak for a few seconds before Dinah says, “How is it working with the ex, anyway?”

“Dinah, what hell, we were never-”

“-best friend,” Dinah clarifies. “How is it working with the ex-best friend?” she smirks.

Lauren rolls her eyes and responds anyway, “Honestly, there’s a bit of a disconnect in my mind,” she finally says. When Dinah looks a her with a confused expression, she elaborates.

“I mean, there was no doubt in my mind two years ago that we’d be where we are now” she explains. “You know, working together, chasing our dreams side by side. I can’t even count how many times Camila and I have dreamt together of a future where I get to design her future hotels and restaurants and we’d work together to do a few mission trips in third-world countries every now and then, building shelters and homes for tragedy-stricken areas.

I’d be the architect and she’d be my sponsor, you know?” she smiles sadly, reminiscing the times when Camila would be curled up in her arms in their makeshift fort in the living room after watching a horror movie, Camila too spooked out to sleep in either of their rooms, and talking about how they’re going to spend the rest of their lives together. At the time, they had both meant it to mean that they were going to be friends forever. They’d decided that their significant others would have to accept that they were two peas in a pod and they came in a package. Maybe, that should have been their hint that the universe wasn’t planning on keeping their relationship completely platonic.

“We’re doing that now. Working together, side by side, playing the roles we’ve always dreamt of - except you know - we’re not actually working together. At least not in the sense I’d always envisioned,” she sighs. “Like, I have her in my life, but not really,” she explains shakily as she struggles to keep her emotions in check.

She takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, “But at this point, I’d have her any way I can, and for as long as she allows. I mean, you’ve probably spent the most time with her in the last couple years, right?” Lauren asks.

“Yeah, why do you ask?” Dinah responds with a twinge of sadness in her voice.

“At least tell me,” Lauren says. “She’s happy, right? I mean, she’s content with her life and everything?” Lauren asks, eyes hopeful and pleading, as if any answer other than a yes from Dinah would be the one to push her over the edge.

Dinah thinks for a moment and a small smile forms on her face, “From what I can tell, she’s content,” she says.

And for Lauren, that’s enough. Camila’s happiness has always been the one thing she would go through the ends of the earth for.

“Are you?” Dinah asks, “Happy, I mean?”

Lauren looks at her and says sincerely, “My happiness has always been contingent on Camila’s. I’m happy enough when she’s happy,” she finishes with a poignant smile. Even if she’s happy without Lauren.

Even if Camila is happy in spite of her.

–

The tension is getting to be unbearable for Lauren so she decides to spend the night drinking her sorrows away and thinking about better days. Better days with Camila, Lauren thinks as she downs another shot at the bar of the club she’s long forgotten the name of.

It’s nearing closing time when she feels someone take a seat next to her. She turns her head and immediately scowls at the smiling face of one Dexter Clark.

“What are you doing here, you insanely charming man-boy-child?” she asks, her filters not quite working with the amount of alcohol in her system.

“Hey, Lauren, right?” Dexter asks, unfazed by Lauren’s words. He subtly gestures to the bartender to cut Lauren off when she pushes the glass towards the man, silently asking for another drink.

“Yeah, what do you want?” she slurs.

“How are you getting home, Lauren?” he asks concernedly, “Did you come here alone?”

“Don’t worry about me, worry about yourself, boyyy,” she responds, silently giving herself a pat on the back for her comeback. She’s pretty witty if she says so herself, she bets that one hurt Dexter’s precious, little man-ego.

She’s too busy congratulating herself she doesn’t realize Dexter had stepped out for a minute and is now returning to his seat. “I called someone to get you. I’d help you home myself, but I just got a text from my roommates and need to get back home right away. She’ll be here soon, but I’ll stay with you in the meantime” he says.

“Okay, but one thing,” Lauren says. She grabs Dexter’s collar and he looks at her more amused than threatened, “You seem like a decent guy. Please take care of my Camila, okay? Don’t break her heart. She’s very precious,” she manages to get out despite her addled brain.

“Of course…wait, what?” he asks confusedly.

“You think me and Camila are a thing?” he asks, on the verge of a laughing fit. At Lauren’s silent yes?, Dexter frees himself from Lauren’s grasp and laughs hysterically. “Oh my gosh, I needed that,” he says wiping at his eyes.

“You’re totally right, I’d totally try to get with Camila, you know, if she had a dick,” he says casually.

Lauren is drunk but she tends to keep most of her wits even when she’s wasted and remembers most of what she does the night before so when she’s able to process Dexter’s words, she blurts out “You’re gay?”

“The gayest to ever gay.”

“So, you’re not with Camila?”

“No, god no. She’s like a sister to me. Anyway, just got a text that she’s looking for parking right now. I’m gonna go head out. Good luck with,” he pauses for a second and decides on “Good luck with Camila, okay?” he winks as he walks away.

Camila walks in and immediately worries her lip when she sees Lauren half-unconscious with her head lying haphazardly on the bar counter. She rushes to her and brings Lauren’s arm around her neck as she tries her best to support the rest of her weight with her other arm around the green-eyed girl’s waist.

“Come on, Lo. Let’s get you home,” she says.

“Camzziii,” Lauren happily slurs. “I’m so happy to see you!” she exclaims as she tightens her arm around Camila’s shoulder.

“Yeah okay, let’s finish this conversation when you’re not half leaning on me,” Camila says as she essentially drags Lauren to her car. After struggling for a few minutes, she’s able to put together from Lauren’s broken slurs where she lives and begins to drive her home. Lauren has mostly been unconscious for most of the ride and Camila drags her weight inside Lauren’s apartment and finally gets her into her bed after a few minutes of struggling. She takes off Lauren’s shoes and enters Lauren’s en suite. She comes back out with a glass of water and a damp cloth. After proceeding to clean up Lauren as best she could and getting her to drink as much water as she can, she’s ready to tuck her in when Lauren grabs her arm softly and looks at her, eyes looking a bit more focused than an hour ago.

“I’m sorry, Camz” she whispers.

Camila knows she shouldn’t engage in this. She knows Lauren won’t remember anything in the morning and whatever she says now will mean nothing if she never meant to say it when she was sober.

But Camila’s always been a bit of a masochist.

“For what,” she asks, sliding her arm in Lauren’s hold so she can hold her hand properly. She doesn’t realize how much she’d missed Lauren’s hand in hers until that moment.

“For not knowing how to love you, before I mean,” she says and Camila feels every word claw at her heart, flow through her veins and burst out of her skin, reopening wounds she thought were long gone.

“For still not knowing how to show you how much you mean to me,” she finishes.

Camila doesn’t sleep a wink that night.

She sits by Lauren, making sure she won’t vomit and choke herself to death.

She looks around the dimly-lit room and her breath catches in her throat when she sees a familiar picture on the far side of Lauren’s desk. It was one taken by Dinah on Camila’s 18th. Lauren had insisted that 18 was a big deal and they should celebrate in a big way, so they got her Camila’s first fake and dragged her to a club. The picture shows Lauren and Camila laughing into one another, completely unaware of the world around them, the quintessence of candid.

Camila’s heart aches at the memory and she wonders how they’ve gotten to where they are, walking on eggshells around one another and never saying enough of what’s in their hearts. She wipes at her tears and looks down on Lauren’s sleeping figure. Her face looks younger than what Camila’s been used to lately. It’s free of the anxious lines and furrowed brows that seem to always be on Lauren’s face.

Camila cherishes the time she has with her, even if Lauren is unaware of it, and smiles to herself when she hears Lauren sigh contently when she brushes some of her hair out of her face.

–

Camila watches Lauren rub the sleep from her eyes as she strolls in the kitchen wearing nothing but an oversized shirt, and Camila hopes, shorts or at least underwear.

“I made you coffee,” Camila gestures to a cup across from her as she sips from her own drink.

Lauren seems startled for a second before she regains her bearings and sends Camila a grateful smile, sitting across from her.

She doesn’t remember, Camila thinks. Of course she doesn’t. She expected it so, but it hurts just as much anyway. The truth is, Lauren was surprised Camila cared enough to stay.

“You remembered how I like my coffee,” Lauren says.

“I remember everything about you,” the words leave Camila’s mouth before she quickly shuts her eyes and internally shakes her head at herself. She misses Lauren’s smile at her comment.

“I mean,” she tries to recover. “It’s not hard to remember things for me, you know? Business prodigy and all, I’m kind of a genius,” she says with fake arrogance she hopes didn’t look as cringe-y as it felt.

Lauren looks, almost sad(?), at her explanation and responds, “Right, of course.”

–

After working hard for a couple more weeks, Lauren and Camila are afforded a break in the form of an invitation, or really, a reminder. They receive a text simultaneously as they’re added to a group chat called, “Queens of Gay Gander.” They see that it’s an informal invite reminder to Dan and Michael’s upcoming wedding in Hawaii. They had both received invitations a while back and have cleared their schedule for the week months ahead.

Y’all bitches better be at our wedding or else…

Dan and Michael are two guys they met at a gay club when Lauren was helping Camila get over Austin that one summer she turned down an international internship. They’d bonded over their preferences and quickly became close friends, keeping in touch even after college. Dan and Michael have had their own share of drama, from intolerant parents to long distance, so Lauren and Camila are happy that everything worked out in the end.

They’re sporting similar smiling faces as they read the text across from each other. They’re so absorbed with the text that they miss Dinah walking in the office.

“Are y’all like texting each other, while literally sitting across from one another?” Dinah asks with a raised eyebrow.

They’re stirred from their bubble and Lauren immediately responds, “What? No! Dan and Michael are just reminding us about the wedding, which by the way, you’re going to, right?” she stirs the conversation.

“Duh,” Dinah flips her hair and says, “Normani, Ally, and I have already booked tickets for the same flight to go there.”

“Oh thanks for kindly inviting us to join your little reunion, Dinah. We’re really feeling the love,” Camila says sarcastically.

“Bish, we just thought you and Lauren would figure it out by now and leave together,” Dinah defends herself and both girls flush a deep red as Lauren tries to de-escalate the situation once again. God knows how easily things can get out of hand with Dinah.

“Did you need something?” she asks.

–

The wedding is as beautiful as the estate where it’s being held, which showed a panoramic, overlooking view of Hawaii’s beaches. The week has served not only as a break for Lauren and Camila, but as a way for them to reconnect and spend some quality time with close friends who are living across the country, namely Dinah, Normani, and Ally.

Lauren watches Camila walk down the aisle in her pastel turquoise, knee-length groomsmaid(?) dress, its edges flowing gracefully through the light breeze, and she’s taken at how ethereal she looks. She’s wearing a light flower crown on top of her golden brown locks, smiling widely, her eyes looking almost hazel in the sun. Spending a couple of days under the sun has given her skin an irresistible Hawaiian glow, and Lauren knows without a doubt, she never stopped falling for her best friend.

So she indulges in looking at Camila. Lets herself imagine that Camila’s walking towards her in a different circumstance. She thinks she can afford to pretend that a future with Camila is possible, even if it’s just during this week. Camila finds her soft gaze and she can’t help but think she’s envisioning the same thing. Camila feels overwhelmed by the love that’s pouring out of Lauren’s eyes as she looks at her without faltering.

The ceremony comes to a close and soon enough, everyone is half drunk on the free alcohol and most people are dancing throughout the semi-open venue near the beach where the reception is being held.

Lauren clinks her fork on her glass and clears her throat.

Everyone watches her expectantly and she tries hard not to look at the brown eyes she knows are focused on her from her peripheral vision.

“Good evening, everyone. For those of you who don’t know me, my name’s Lauren and I’ve been a close friend of both Dan and Michael since college” she starts.

“I think anyone who’s spent even five minutes with the both of them can tell just how easy they make falling in love seem. Dan and Michael are two of the kindest, smartest, and most graceful individuals I know. They’ve always been a voice of reason whenever I struggled through my own problems, and together, well – together, they’re extraordinary. As easy as they make love look, I know how hard it actually was for them to get where they are” Lauren takes a shaky breath as she continues.

“I think out of all their great qualities, however, what I admire most about them is how fearlessly they love,” Lauren says with a pause.

“They willingly gave their hearts to one another, unafraid of the world’s opinions and, most of all, unafraid of one another. Never mind that they’ve given each other the sole power to destroy their hearts. They don’t care. They just love.”

Lauren has captivated her entire audience at this point, like she naturally does, Camila thinks.

“Maybe this world will be a better place if we all had even a smidge of their courage. Maybe there’d be less missed opportunities and less regrets and –” Lauren swallows the lump in her throat as she struggles to read the words on her phone, as her trembling hands try to steady themselves.

“- and less the-one-that-got-aways. I may not be as brave as you guys just yet, but I’ll always look to you and know what true love is supposed to look like. I hope you never lose your passion, your light, and your unfathomable ability to love with every bit of your being. Cheers,” she ends her toast with a raise of her glass.

The crowd gives her an applause filled with sniffles and discrete wiping of eyes as the newlyweds engulf her in a hug.

“You’re braver than you think,” Dan whispers in her ear and as she pulls back to give a watery smile, her eyes instinctively find Camila wiping at her own eyes.

She resumes her seat and refuses to make eye contact with anyone for the rest of the night.

———————————————–

Lauren’s walking through the beach at midnight, shoes in hand and heart heavy in her chest, when she spots the woman that’s plagued her thoughts for years stumbling in her direction.

She drops her shoes in favor of catching Camila as she stumbles in her arms, holding a bottle of Moscato in one hand and an empty glass in the other.

“Lolo!” Camila exclaims when she sees who’s holding her. Lauren eyes the bottles and sees there’s about a quarter of it left.

“How much of that did you drink by yourself,” Lauren asks worriedly.

“All of it,” Camila says happily, bringing her two thumbs up as she grins widely. “But, don’t worry, I drank it from this glass,” she lifts the empty flute in one hand and continues to explain, “so the effects won’t be as bad. It’s like putting two slices of pizza on top of one another. The body doesn’t know, Laur,” she giggles and makes a shhh-ing sound.

Lauren takes the bottle and glass from Camila, setting them down on the ground, and steadies her, “It’s late, Camila” she says. “Let’s take you back to your room.”

“I’m just here to watch the stars!” Camila responds. “Look how pretty they are,” she gestures to the sky.

Lauren looks up and sees the sky covered with dark, foreboding clouds. She furrows her brows and looks back at Camila, only for her breath to be taken away as she sees Camila already staring at her.

“The galaxies in your eyes have always been prettier than the stars in the sky, Laur” Camila says in a soft voice.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed” Lauren responds after gathering herself and recovering from Camila’s comments.

“Take me to dinner first, geez” Camila giggles.

“Camila, come on,” Lauren urges.

Camila suddenly pulls away angrily and says “What is with this whole ‘Camila’ business anyway,” she makes poorly timed air quotes with her fingers.

“Camz, please,” Lauren pleads.

“See?!” Camila replies. “doesn’t it feel great to pretend like we’re sixteen again? When I called you ‘Lo’ and you called me ‘Camz’? Remember? We had like no real problems then,” she says with a shaky exhale.

“You know, before I ruined it all by confessing my feelings. Maybe then, I’d still have you.” Camila is trying hard to keep her emotions at bay, but looking at Lauren’s pained eyes, she becomes increasingly furious. Lauren doesn’t get to be more hurt than her. She was the one that left.

“You were so scared of losing me, you never thought about what would happen to me if I had lost you,” she says, pointing a finger at Lauren. “You tried so hard to keep us together, and we lost each other anyway.

So you know what?” she spits out as Lauren watches her helplessly.

“Fuck you, Lauren. Honestly, fuck you. ‘Me and you?’ What a fucking joke that was huh?” she hisses out. “How dare you come back into my life after completely and utterly destroying it. I was doing so well, you know?” she slurs. “And I take one look at your stupid, green eyes and it’s like I’m back to that idiot that pines for her best friend who doesn’t give a shit. I mean, I wasn’t even worth a goodbye? After years of friendship, you didn’t think I was worth saying goodbye to?” she yells as she flails her arms angrily. “Just because I was in love with you? Because I am in love with you?” Her voice falters near the end and her eyes fill to the brim with tears.

Lauren’s heart is beating so fast, she’s not sure how she can even hear Camila at this point. It’s like everything she’s worked hard to suppress for years are all bubbling just under the surface, waiting to burst. Camila’s words are like gasoline, slowly, but steadily snaking its way to the fire that is Lauren’s heart.

“Come on, say something!” Camila harshly spits out. “I mean what is it about me, huh? You know, I was always so in awe of just how much love you had for everyone around you. I mean, it was almost like you were capable of loving anyone else but me. What, am I not hot enough for you? Not experienced enough? Did you think I wouldn’t be a good enough lay?

You didn’t even give me a chance, Lo” she chuckles bitterly. The nickname feels like a dagger to her soul and doesn’t have quite the same effect as Lauren remembers.

Camila steps closer and gets into Lauren’s space, invading all of her senses. She drops her voice into a steely, low tone that holds Lauren captive. “I. would. have. rocked. your. world.” She emphasizes each word with a hard push of her finger on Lauren’s chest. She turns to walk away, and it’s like Lauren is watching herself from the outside of her body as she grabs Camila’s arm and turns her around abruptly, subsequently grabbing her face and kissing her.

Lauren snakes one of her hands into Camila’s hair and the other behind her neck, pulling her impossibly closer. She swallows the gasp that escapes Camila’s mouth as the brunette melts into her arms. Camila wraps long, tan arms around Lauren’s waist and hugs her close. They kiss each other urgently, making up for years of tension and pining and endless longing for each other’s touch. Lauren isn’t sure why she had tried so hard to stop something as inevitable as kissing Camila. She doesn’t know how she’s ever lived without Camila’s lips on hers for so long.

She tilts her head and swipes Camila’s bottom lip with her tongue, invading her mouth the moment Camila lets her in as they make themselves familiar with the inside of each other’s mouths, their hold on their bodies tightening with each swallowed gasp and each suppressed moan. Eventually, the lack of oxygen becomes too much and they separate.

They slowly open their eyes and as Lauren looks into Camila’s wide, blown eyes, she knows she’d give up all the oxygen in the world if she gets to see Camila as beautifully wrecked as she is at this moment. Her eyes are black, cheeks and neck flushed a deep red, lips swollen and shiny from Lauren’s own lip gloss, and her hair is a mess from Lauren’s possessive hands. She’s never seen anything so beautiful. She’s harshly brought back to reality when she feels Camila abruptly pull away from her hold and she sees dark eyes turn glassy from unshed tears.

“Camz..,” Lauren’s voice sounds weak and unfamiliar even to her own ears.

Camila turns and runs.

—

Lauren drags her feet across the floor as she makes her way to the breakfast buffet the next morning. Her hair is barely contained in an unruly bun and a torn UCLA sweatshirt and cutoff shorts are haphazardly hanging on her tired body. She hadn’t slept for a second the night before and was unsuccessful in her search for Camila. She just hopes Camila stayed with someone she trusts. She looks out into the breakfast hall with hopeful eyes, feeling relieved when over half of the guests look just as wrecked as her. Everyone seems to be nursing a hangover. She doesn’t find her favorite pair of eyes, however, and her mood takes a dive.

She’s pushing her potatoes around in her plate when, loud as ever, Dinah plops on the seat next to her and announces to the entire table that she had gotten laid with her top choice groomsman last night. Ally shakes her head and Normani chokes on her drink, flinging a piece of coleslaw onto Dinah as revenge for causing her to almost drown to death on orange juice. Dinah looks affronted for a second and is ready to retaliate when-

“Oooh, did you get Ethan’s number?”

Lauren swivels her head so fast Ally cringes at the crack her neck makes when they turn their heads to look at Camila approaching the table and moving to sit across from Lauren. She eyes the dark-haired girl for a second before putting her chin on her hand, resting her elbows on the table as she gives her full attention to Dinah. She looks refreshed and not at all like the mess that Lauren is. She casually listens to Dinah as if she hadn’t just spent sticking her tongue down Lauren’s throat less than eight hours ago and Lauren doesn’t know what to make of it.

“Of course not, girl. You know how pretty boys are. They get attached so easily. I bang ‘em and leave ‘em” Dinah elaborates as Ally shakes her head again and mutters something that sounds suspiciously like “God forgive her soul.” Lauren wonders if Ally ever gets dizzy from constantly dealing with Dinah’s antics.

Then, Dinah, looking like the epitome of smug, smirks and pretends to check her nails when she casually says, “Well I wasn’t the only one getting some last night.” She looks up and stares at Camila expectantly. Lauren feels heat rush up her neck and cheeks and her heart is beating so hard she swears she feels her ribs start to bruise.

Camila, for the first time that morning, looks like her confidence takes a hit and she swallows hard, maintaining eye contact with Dinah when she says, “I don’t know why you’re looking at me…” She hopes her voice comes out convincing enough.

Dinah clears her throat and says, “Oh really? Well you know that’s weird considering I saw something very interesting while on my walk of shame from Ethan’s room last night. Now, it was dark and I was still buzzed from all the free alcohol and to be honest, still a bit dazed from my three, wonderful, consecutive orgasms- ”

“Oh my gosh, can you tone down the Dinah-ness for two seconds? I’m trying to eat!” Normani says in the same instant Ally cries, “Jesus Christ, Dinah!” putting her face in her hands as an exasperated sigh leaves her mouth.

Lauren, on the other hand, is convinced she’s on the verge of a heart attack. She’s sure of it. Everything around her is getting kind of blurry and she’s having a hard time hearing Dinah over the pounding in her ears. That’s how heart attacks feel, right? She can’t tell if her left arm feels numb because of an actual, imminent heart attack or if it’s because she clutching her fork like it could magically save her from the inevitable embarrassment. If she has a heart attack, then Dinah will have no choice but to stop talking. She starts contemplating if she can pull off faking a heart attack.

Unfazed, Dinah continues, “But I swear, I saw two girls making out like their lives depended on it. And I thought, ‘Ah the good ole wedding hook ups, truly a beautiful phenomenon.’

And then, one of the girls just starts straight up running. I swear she starts running away and lo and behold!” Dinah yells as she pounds on the table with both of her hands and subsequently points an accusing finger towards Camila. The silverware around the table rattle noisily, liquids on the table oscillating against the sides of the glasses, droplets escaping over the rim and spilling out onto the table, and gradually subsiding back to a calm state as the Dinah-induced vibration on the table reverberates across the entire hall.

Everyone watches with bated breath as Dinah continues, “I see the one and only, Karla Camila Cabello, as the girl running away,” she finishes dramatically. “I mean, was she bad or something, coz it sure looked like you were enjoying that. Honestly, that make out session was pretty steamy,” she adds to her point by fanning herself and whistling. “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”

Camila is sporting a deer-in-the-headlights look as Normani buys her time and wryly comments, “I don’t think that’s how that works, Dinah.”

Lauren is ready to go on the defensive when Dinah follows up with something that stops her in her tracks, her metaphorical feet coming to an abrupt halt over the edge of a cliff as she looks down the gap, watching small rocks fall into an endless abyss beneath her. “So, who was this chick, huh Chancho? Thought you left your hit-it-and-quit-it days for good,” Dinah claims in a volume that is definitely way too loud for this time of day, or any time of day really.

Lauren feels simultaneously relieved and heartbroken. Good news: Dinah has no clue she and Camila were playing tonsil tennis last night. Bad news: Camila has been hitting-it-and-quitting-it with God knows how many people. She vaguely wonders if it’s possible to throw herself off this metaphorical cliff in her head. Now, she’s not one to slut shame anybody, and she’s done her share of sleeping around, but she never realized how much it would affect her to think about Camila with someone else, especially after she’s gotten a taste of Camila herself.

Lauren misses the nervous look Camila throws her after Dinah’s proclamation because she’s too busy staring holes into her food as she continues to grip her fork tightly, her knuckles turning a ghostly white. Camila recovers quickly and clears her throat, “You’re so full of shit, Cheech. Stay out of my business.”

Dinah raises her hands in surrender, “Hey if you wanna keep your dirty little secret, a dirty little secret, you do you, girl. I ain’t judging,” she finishes with a wink as she dives into her breakfast, finally giving the table a temporary peace and quiet.

Lauren avoids making eye contact with Camila for the rest of breakfast and quickly scampers away as soon as she’s finished, her heart in her throat and her stomach at her feet. She feels like throwing up her breakfast and is ready to fake her death and disappear for good when she hears her name being called by the only voice that can make her stop, even when her heart and mind are telling her to keep going.

She turns around slowly and her breath hitches as she is immediately accosted by how Camila looks so good so early in the morning. Her hair is flowing freely, looking almost golden from the sunlight rays that are pouring in through the floor-to-ceiling windows that surround the hallways of the venue. Her eyes look bright and happy, a stark contrast to the dark, troubled eyes Lauren saw last night. Her cheeks are mildly flushed from running after Lauren and the dark-haired girl becomes so distracted with her plump lips that she almost misses it when Camila says in a low voice, “Can we talk?”

Lauren shakes herself out of her trance and looks into the same eyes she’s always found comfort in. She silently nods her head and they head to a deserted part of the beach. Lauren is starting to think that maybe Camila doesn’t know how talking works after five minutes of complete silence when Camila suddenly says,

“You can’t do that.”

It takes a while for Lauren to process her words and she furrows her eyebrows, looking at Camila’s side profile when she answers, “Can’t do what? Kiss you?”

“Yeah,” Camila breathes.

“You can’t-,” she says as she turns to look at Lauren and her breath gets caught in her throat when she sees Lauren’s eyes focused on her mouth.

“-kiss me…” she exhales and then, Lauren is kissing her again. She feels like she can breathe again when Lauren’s chapped, full lips enclose her bottom one and one of her hands caresses the side of the brunette’s face as the other rests on her bare thigh. Lauren’s touch sets her skin ablaze and sets off a pandemonium of butterflies within her body. Heat rushes through her veins and spreads to her chest, weaving through her ribs and grabbing hold of her heart, clutching onto it and making her feel every emotion she’s tried so hard to get rid off ever since Lauren left.

She’s overwhelmed with everything that is Lauren and is brought back to the surface when Lauren grabs her side and opposite leg and moves her so that she’s straddling Lauren. Camila hurriedly buries her hands in Lauren’s hair as Lauren slides her hand down her back, the pads of her fingers mapping the ridges of her spine, and finally spreading her long, thin fingers over Camila’s ass and giving it an indulgent squeeze. Camila gasps in her mouth and Lauren decides to let the girl breath as she trails her mouth down her jaw and onto the side of her neck. She’s deprived herself of this for far too long.

Camila breathes hard and tries her best to get her words out, even as she tilts her head to help Lauren have better access to devour her neck, “Lo, please…”

Lauren gives a particularly hard bite and follows it up with a broad lick of her talented tongue, subsequently breathing hot air onto the spot as she says in a deep, husky voice, “What do you want, baby?”

Camila feels white hot heat form at the base of her stomach and she shuts her eyes tightly, gathering every single ounce of restraint she has as she gently pushes on Lauren’s shoulders. Lauren immediately switches gears and looks up at Camila with so much concern, the brunette would have burst out laughing had she not been so turned on. It was as if the dark-haired girl wasn’t just on verge of sneaking her hands into Camila’s shorts. “Shit, sorry. I’m sorry, I was totally pushing, I just got carried away, I didn’t- ”

Camila shuts her up by gently cupping her cheeks and slowly kissing her. She pulls away and looks into her favorite green eyes. “We actually have to talk,” she smiles as Lauren lets out a subtle breath of relief. Camila reluctantly clambers off of Lauren and sits back in her place next to her, where she’d always thought she belonged.

Lauren’s eyes are trained on her when she says, “This means something to me, Lauren. And I can’t- ” Her voice cracks as she struggles to gather her thoughts, “I can’t have you, but not have you at the same time,” she exhales as she looks at Lauren, her eyes filled with years of pain and insecurities. “I don’t think I can handle losing you twice in a lifetime” she almost sobs out, her breaths coming out in short, hard bursts.

Lauren grabs hold of both her hands and slowly intertwines their fingers. She looks at their hands and thinks that she never stood a chance against fate. Their hands were meant to hold one another. She lifts one of Camila’s hands and kisses the back of it as she closes her eyes.

“Camila, I love you.” Camila’s words die in her throat with Lauren’s declaration.

“I’ve always loved you. You know that. And I said I didn’t deserve you, and maybe I still don’t. In fact, after knowing how much I’ve hurt you, I definitely don’t deserve you.”

“Lo-” Camila tries, but Lauren quickly pecks her lips and she stops talking.

Lauren takes a deep breath and focuses her eyes into Camila’s, who are looking at her with so much love and patience. Always so patient. “Camila, I pushed you away because I thought you deserved better than some fuck-up. You’ve always had this vision of true love and everlasting romances and white picket fences. You’re that girl that deserves a grand wedding in a grand estate and I didn’t think you deserved anyone less than perfect. You’re capable of so much love, while I barely had enough love for myself,” her voice sounds strained as her eyes fill with her own tears.

“I didn’t know what love was growing up. My own parents gave me away and my foster parents used me for money. You were the only person that cared for me and the least I could do was to not corrupt you. I wanted – want – you in my life forever, and I was sure being with you would mean I would inevitably lose you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me and I wasn’t the same for you, so I ran.

You were right when you said that I was trying so hard not to lose you and I lost you anyway” she exhales shakily.

“I’ve done a lot of growing up and thinking these past two years. I told myself that if I ever get another chance with you, that I will do everything I can to show you just how much I love you. I may not deserve you right now, but I am willing to dedicate the rest of my life to loving you and caring for you and earning the right to be with you. And I understand if you don’t want to try right now. Just know that I’m going to try anyway. If you don’t want me at all or if you want to go slow, I’m willing to wait. I’m going to fight for you, Camila Cabello, and I want you to know-”

“I don’t want to wait,” Camila interrupts her and she loses track of her thoughts when Camila pulls her hands out of her hold to grab her face and kiss her fiercely. “We’ve waited long enough don’t you think?” she breathes out after the kiss.

“I mean, you don’t think ten years of courtship and foreplay is more than enough for most couples?”

Lauren looks into her eyes and sees the love pouring out of them, knowing her own eyes are probably a reflection of what she’s seeing. “So we’re doing this, then? We’re going to be together?” she asks, eyes full of hope and heart ready to burst.

Camila looks into her eyes as she says “I love you, Lauren Jauregui. If you want to spend the rest of your life proving that you deserve my love, I’m going to spend the rest of mine trying to show you that you’ve always deserved it, and no one else ever stood a chance. I’m gonna spend the rest of my life showing you what I see. Because you are the most beautiful person I know, Lo. You’re beautiful in every sense of the word. You’re willing to give so much of the love you never received from your parents and I am here to love you for the rest of eternity if that’s the only thing I have to do.

You’ve always been the best part of me,” she says sincerely.

“I’ve learned how to love so much because of how much love you gave me” Camila finishes.

Lauren hugs her so tightly that Camila has to push her away so she can breathe and when they pull apart, Lauren doesn’t hesitate to replace her back on her lap and kiss her like it’s the only thing she knows how to do. They re-acquaint themselves with each other’s lips when Camila suddenly pulls away and uses her thumb to slowly wipe Lauren’s bottom lip as she bites her own and says with a teasing lilt, her eyes focused on Lauren’s mouth,

“So you loooove me, huh? Like, do you like like me?” she giggles at her own antics.

Lauren laughs Camila’s favorite laugh, loud and unabashed, with her entire body shaking and her eyes crinkling and her bunny teeth shining under the sun. She gathers herself and looks Camila in the eye, her demeanor switching from literal puppy to seductress in mere seconds. Camila watches with bated breath as Lauren slowly tucks her hair back off of her shoulder, exposing her neck and collarbone. Lauren drags her left hand down the center of Camila’s torso as her right hand lightly trails down her neck and along the outline of her clavicle with her fingertips. Lauren then steels her gaze into Camila’s eyes as she breathes out,

“I’ve loved you since we were fourteen, baby.”

Camila suppresses a moan as Lauren moves forward and whispers in her ear, “Do you want me to show you just how much?”

–

Camila stirs awake as she hears light snoring coming from her left side. She opens her eyes slowly and turns to her side, groaning as she can feel the pleasurable kind of soreness in the lower half of her body, and coming face to face with a still sleeping Lauren. Lauren is on her stomach and her face is turned towards the brunette. Her mouth is slightly open and her face is half-enveloped by the pillow underneath her head. Camila thinks she’s absolutely breathtaking. She props herself on her elbow and lightly traces the contours of Lauren’s face, watching as the feathery light touches cause Lauren’s lashes to flutter slightly.

Camila moves her hands along Lauren’s exposed spine, tracing the gentle curves along her back and silently smirking at the scratches she’s made on her otherwise flawless, alabaster skin. She’s startled by the husky voice that addresses her,

“Appreciating your handiwork?” Lauren groggily asks as she moves to snuggle half on top of Camila, draping her arm across a tan, toned stomach, entwining their legs under the sheets. Camila lightly chuckles as she settles on her back to accommodate their new position and moves her right hand to interlace with Lauren’s left, using her other hand to brush through Lauren’s wild bedhead (or is it her sex hair?).

“I hope you brought a one-piece that covers your back,” she responds.

“Well, I hope you brought shorts for swimming, unless you wanna show off my handiwork on your thighs,” Lauren smirks. Camila laughs and Lauren feels it more than she hears the sound. The vibrations on the chest where her head is resting giving her a warm, pleasant feeling that resonates through her body.

“You’re a jerk,” Camila says fondly and without a trace of spite.

“A jerk that makes you come a lot,” Lauren retorts and is immediately smacked on her arm by a scandalized Camila.

“Oh my god, Lauren! Get out of here!” Lauren laughs boisterously and hugs Camila even tighter when the younger girl tries to pull away.

“Anyway, I kinda like showing off these scratches, you know? Don’t you want other people to know you own this hot piece of ass? Lets all the poor girls know their object of affection is taken by a crazy, jealous, possessive lady,” Lauren continues to tease her girl as she proceeds to trace her own patterns on Camila’s side, spelling out I love yous because she’s smitten beyond belief by the girl below her.

Camila traces her hand down a particularly red scratch she’d made in the heat of their passion the night before and hums, “Damn right they should know I’m not scared to cut a bitch if they touch my woman.”

“I love the sound of that,” Lauren responds. “I’m yours baby, and only yours,” she husks as she slowly crawls on top of Camila to straddle her and she places both arms on either side of the brunette’s head. Camila smirks and immediately places her hands on her girl’s hips and squeezes hard. “You want me to prove it to you again?” she husks in Camila’s ear and starts to nibble on her earlobe. Camila is in the midst of flipping them over to show Lauren just how much she wants the green-eyed girl to prove it to her when the hotel room door slams open and in waltzes a very loud and happy Dinah, “Oi Chancho-”

“Oh my god, Dinah!” Camila shrieks, and in her panic, completely throws Lauren off of her and onto the floor. Lauren falls with a loud thud, her body tangled with the sheets, dragging it off of Camila and completely exposing the Cuban-Mexican.

Dinah, in the midst of containing her laugh, whistles and says “Damn girl, guess you did end up going to the Brazilian wax place I told you about last week after all, huh?” Camila flushes a deep red and quickly retrieves the largest pillow she could find, covering her body and trying to save what’s left of her dignity. “Oh come on, Walz. Nothing I haven’t seen before,” she says as she throws an exaggerated wink at her.

“Get out of here, what do you even want?” Camila hisses.

Dinah thinks for a second and finally says, “I honestly forgot. I got distracted by your cooch in my face.”

Camila lets out an exasperated sigh and clutches the pillow closer to her body, using every last bit of her patience to prevent herself from repeatedly bashing the pillow on Dinah’s head. Can you kill someone by beating them with a pillow? Camila thinks she could if she tries hard enough.

“I see you have your dirty little secret with you huh, Chanch? Come on out whoever you are, I promise I won’t bite,” Dinah coaxes the girl from the other side of bed and as if it’s only then that Camila remembers she’d body slammed her girlfriend onto the floor. She gasps and goes over to Lauren helping her up while she struggles (in vain) to keep her lady bits covered from Dinah’s prying eyes.

Lauren groans and rubs where her head where it hit the floor with one hand while the other is holding onto the sheets as she gets up. Dinah gasps so loudly, Camila swears she inhaled half of the oxygen in the room. She looks like she doesn’t know whether she should cry, laugh, or thank the Lord. And then she yells into the hallway, never mind the fact that the hotel is housing guests that are not necessarily from the wedding, “Guys! Camren is happening! I repeat, this is Agent DinahFinah calling the coop. Camren is in motion! Somebody call the priest!”

Normani comes strolling in, rubbing her eyes and says in the middle of a tired yawn, “Dinah Jane, what in the worl-”

“Oh my god! Camren!” she yells as she points an accusatory finger at the half naked girls. “Ally get over here!”

Camila and Lauren look at each other, half amused, half terrified. Ally comes in with her hands over her eyes, “Is everybody decent?” she asks warily.

“How do you know there’s possibility of nudity?” Dinah asks curiously.

Ally slowly removes her hands and is only mildly relieved when she spots Camila and Lauren not completely naked, but only slightly so. The short girl shuffles in her place and mumbles lowly, “I saw y’all devouring each other’s faces yesterday after breakfast.”

“Somebody kill me now,” Lauren breathes out as she continues to rubs her head, while trying to keep the sheets in front of her. Camila looks at her sympathetically, rubbing slow circles on her back while still clutching the pillow with her other hand.

“I’m sorry, baby girl,” she apologizes. “I got really scared and I don’t even know where I got the strength to throw you off of me honestly.”

They hear gasps and suppressed squeals and Lauren swears someone coos Oh my god, Camila calls her “baby girl”. Told y’all my girl tops.

“Glad to know your first instinct in a situation where you think you might be in danger is to throw me,” Lauren says jokingly as she leans in to kiss Camila’s pout away.

“Okay, that’s enough. There’s too much Camren happening right now. I think I’m going to die.

Chancho,” Dinah says as she points a finger at Camila, “You better tell me all the details of how this-,” she gesticulates wildly to the two girls, “finally happened.”

They hear Dexter’s voice right outside of the door as he carefully says, “Um, guys?” Camila had invited Dexter as her plus one before she knew that Lauren had found out about the truth behind their relationship.

Lauren rolls her eyes and says, “Oh we’re in here. Please do join us. I don’t think there’s enough people in here to be quite honest with you.” Dexter walks in and surveys his surroundings as he puts the pieces together.

“I see the universe has re-aligned itself and you guys finally decided to get together” Dexter smirks as he fold his arms across his chest.

“Was everyone just rooting for us or-” Lauren gets interrupted by different voices yelling all at once.

“YES!”

“Obvious-fucking-ly, Captain Obvious”

“The whole world was rooting for you.”

“Even Jesus was rooting for you.”

“Now that you’ve all sufficiently invaded our lovelives for the day, can you all please leave?” Lauren says pleadingly.

They all mutter something incomprehensible as they pile out the door and the last thing they hear is Dinah yelling across the closed door, “Don’t get too caught up in lesbianing together, we have one more day to enjoy this beach paradise!”

Lauren shakes her head fondly and turns to her girlfriend, “Well that’s one way to break the news, I guess” she laughs as Camila drops her pillow and snakes her arms around Lauren’s neck, while the green-eyed girl opens her arms and closes it around Camila’s lithe body, enveloping both their figures within the sheets. The soft frabric gently falls loose along their bodies’ curves and the early morning sun is bathing them in golden rays, making the pair look ethereal and almost like one form. Like soulmates that have finally found a home in one another.

“I love you,” Camila simply murmurs against her chest.

Lauren feels her breath on her skin and her words in her heart as she hums contently, “I love you, too.”

–

Camila walks in with Lauren hand in hand on her first day back at the firm. Everyone seems to take the new relationship in stride, in fact, it was almost as if they expected it to happen soon enough. Barring the first initial acknowledgement of this new development, no one seems to even bat an eye. Camila holds a firm grip around Lauren’s waist and makes eye contact with Olivia on their way to Lauren’s office. Lauren shakes her head fondly and leans in to whisper in the brunette’s ear, “All yours, love. Remember? All yours.”

Camila blushes and gives Lauren’s cheek a quick, chaste kiss.

Lauren walks in her office and plops onto her chair, releasing an annoyed sigh. Camila, who was following closely, furrows her brows and proceeds to take her place on Lauren’s lap, sitting sideways and draping her arm over her girl’s shoulders. “What’s wrong?” she asks as she pokes at Lauren’s pout with her fingers that’s not around the green-eyed girl’s shoulders. Lauren sighs and wraps her arms around Camila’s waist.

“Was everyone just waiting for us to get together or…” she waves her hand in the air vaguely as she tries to express her thoughts. “Like, did I just have a huge ‘I’m in love with Camila Cabello’ sign on my forehead? Why is literally no one surprised about this?” she asks Camila, her brows furrowed and her nose wrinkled and her confused face is too endearing for Camila she doesn’t realize Lauren is asking her a question.

“Camz, earth to Cameelaaaa,” Lauren drawls.

“Sorry,” Camila laughs while shaking her head lightly. “You’re just too cute for your own good,” she says as she moves her fingers over Laurens brow to smooth out her features and kisses her forehead.

“I guess we weren’t as subtle as we thought,” Camila says. “Dinah calls it ‘the Camren look.’”

“Do I even want to know?” Lauren asks as she rolls her eyes.

“She says we look at each other like we always either want to tear each other’s clothes off or marry each other on the spot,” she explains.

They laugh quietly and settle into a silence that’s not quite without tension. Camila’s words hang in the air. Marry each other on the spot. It’s only been three days of them being official, there’s no way it’s acceptable under any circumstance to be thinking about that right?

–

Days easily flow into weeks and weeks seamlessly turn to months. Lauren and Camila are the happiest they’ve ever been and Camila has essentially moved into Lauren’s apartment, only going back to her own to get her mail.

They’re looking at each other softly after a night (and parts of the morning) of mapping each other’s bodies with eager fingers and tongues and soft touches and sharp exhales, basking in their post-orgasmic hazes, when Lauren breaks the comfortable silence.

“Do you ever think about getting married?” she asks, countenance the epitome of calm.

They’re both on their sides, facing one another, not even physically touching each other. The mere presence of one another enough to envelope them into a bubble of comfort and security. Camila searches Lauren’s eyes for any hint of insincerity and finds none.

“Of course,” she doesn’t know why she whispers it, but it’s as if she doesn’t want to burst the bubble they’re in at the moment. “Hopefully one day, to someone I love and who loves me just as much.”

“What if she loves you more?” Lauren asks with a soft smile.

“I don’t think it’s possible, but if she insists, then that’s even better,” Camila responds with a smile.

“So your only requirement to be married is that you guys love each other?” Lauren prods.

“I may have a preference for green eyes and dark hair and soft curves, but yeah, that’s basically it,” Camila answers with a smirk.

Lauren grabs hold of her hand and watches their fingers interlace and fit together perfectly as she breathes out, “Let’s do it, then. Let’s get married” she says as she brushes Camila’s knuckles with her thumb.

Camila’s heart is pounding in her chest and she’s wondering if Lauren can feel the vibrations through the sheets. Lauren looks up at Camila’s shock expression and smiles. She still looks as serene as ever.

“I already know we’re gonna get married eventually-” Camila loses her breath when Lauren interrupts her with,

“Let’s get married today,” she says resolutely. “I’m in love with you and you’re in love with me. I don’t know what exactly we’re waiting for” Lauren says casually as if she’s not causing a mayhem in Camila’s chest, which is just about ready to burst, from what, Camila’s not sure.

Then Camila thinks about the girl in front of her. She sees beautiful, emerald eyes and pure love and reminisces on the many times Lauren has made her feel safe. She thinks about how they spent years loving each other and not knowing so. She thinks about how much time they spent chasing one another and wasting time not being together. Camila thinks about the times she stares at families she sees in public and how the first thing that comes to her mind is a picture of Lauren in their ridiculously large kitchen, hair in a messy bun, one hand holding a spatula, while the other is propping on her hip, a dark-haired, brown-eyed boy with tiny arms wrapped around her neck and chubby lips peppering her face with kisses as Lauren pretends to fend off the attack of affection.

She thinks about how she has less than 2,740 days to actually be with Lauren, in every sense of the word.

“Okay, let’s do it,” she finally says. Lauren’s smile is bright and soft and everything good in this world. She turns around and reaches for something in her dresser. When she turns back and holds the small box open, Camila gasps and puts her hand on her mouth. Inside the box are two matching gold and silver wedding bands with diamonds surrounding about a quarter of each band. She picks one up and sees LJ & CC carved on the inside.

“I’ve filled out everything and we have an appointment at 11 this morning at the courthouse with a judge,” Lauren tells her.

Camila looks up and shakes her head, “you were just so sure I was gonna say yes, huh?” she asks teasingly through the tears that are threatening to fall from her eyes. “What would you have done if I’d said no?”

“Probably would just taken Olivia with me to the courthouse,” she responds casually, “wouldn’t want to embarrass myself in front of a judge now would I?”

Camila laughs and pushes Lauren’s shoulder, “You’re such a cheeky little ass, you know that?”

“Yeah, but I’m your cheeky little ass,” she says as she puts the rings away and pulls Camila on top of her. “So that’s a yes then?” she asks, eyes bright and lovely as ever.

That night (or morning) Camila kisses her yes in the best way she knows how to. She kisses her yes into Lauren’s mouth and along her neck, down her body and through her folds. She gasps her yes into Lauren’s mouth as they are knuckle deep in each other’s sexes, chasing a high they had only dreamed about before.

Camila says yes to the best part of her.

–

They’ve been married for a few months when Dinah is the first (of course) to find out. They hadn’t intended to hide their marriage for so long, but they were enjoying being married without everyone being in their business that time just seemed to get away from them.

Lauren, Camila, and Dinah are walking through the doors of Lauren’s building (they’re still on a hunt for a place together. Lauren wants to stay in the city and Camila wants a place just outside of it. They’re working on it, okay?) for Dinah’s monthly Camren TimeTMwhen the doorman, God bless his oblivious soul, greets them with,

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Cabello-Jaureguis!” he says chirpily.

Dinah looks up from her phone and watches the couple’s wide eyes. “MRS.?! Cabello-JaureguiS?!” she yells throughout the lobby.

And that is how they find themselves at the reception of yet another wedding, this time their own. Camila’s parents, her mother especially, had been upset at first, but soon understood their decision to keep it a secret for a while, on the condition that she gets to throw them a real wedding ceremony with all the flowers and dresses and oh! she has the perfect hors d’oeuvres ideas.

Lauren and Camila had gone along, thinking it was the least they could do for hiding something as big as their marriage from their close family and friends.

“Excuse me, I’d like to make a toast,” Dinah clinks her fork on her champagne glass a little too loudly as she draws everyone’s attention to her.

“Oh god, here we go,” Lauren murmurs and grabs Camila’s hand for support, as if she wouldn’t survive this speech without the brunette’s comforting touch. Camila smiles at her wife and kisses her cheek. Lauren looks over and kisses the back of her hand.

“I’ve known Camren for quite a while now,” Dinah starts. There’s a few murmurs of “known who?” so Dinah rolls her eyes and explains, “CAMila and LauREN equals CAMREN, come on, people, keep up please,” she says tiredly.

Dinah waits for the laughter to subside and continues, “but in all seriousness, I’ve been rooting for these two since the beginning,” she says with a soft smile as she gestures at the couple. “I don’t think I’ve ever met another pair that was so in sync and just – I don’t know - meant to be. I always wondered how it took them so long to figure out something that was crystal clear to everybody else from the beginning. I mean, did they not realize that their willingness to drop anyone and anything, regardless of the circumstance, for the other person, probably goes beyond your classic, platonic friendship?” the crowd murmurs their agreement amidst light laughs.

“When they were separated for two years, I think I was the only one that truly believed it wasn’t over for them. With Camila and Lauren, it’s never over. They’ve always been, and will always be meant for each other, and no obstacle, or stupidity on Lauren’s part,” she hastily adds, drawing another round of laughter from the crowd and a fond shake of her head from Lauren herself,

“Nothing could separate what is meant to be. So here’s to Lauren and Camila, may we all find at least half the love they have for each other, and may they continue to show the world how it’s done!” she ends her toast as everyone raises their glasses and cheers their own wishes for the couple.

Here’s to Lauren and Camila, for it’s never over when it comes to their story.

——-

The End.

A/N:

hey everyone,

i’ve been reading camren ff for a while and this is my first shot at writing one (or ff in general, or writing actually) so I hope you guys enjoy it.

this is a huge one-shot and I’ve tried to proofread it multiple times so I’m sorry for the mistakes that went unnoticed.

pls. feel free to give me feedback. talk to me about the plot, characters, the flow of the story, typos, etc. and let me know if I should write more!

i’m probably most accessible via wattpad, @jaureguicabello5eva

this is on wattpad as well under the above username and am working on getting it on ao3

hope you all have a good day!

-Maddox

Disclaimer: I know about the ongoing debate about real person fiction (fanfiction about real people) and I struggle with the ethics of writing fiction based on real people, but I can say that there is in no way or form am I intending to mean that my characters reflect real life Camila and Lauren (or any of the other characters in this story. It’s partly why I tried to minimize the amount of characters based on real people). This story is built on the characters within the confines of this story alone and is pure fiction. It’s not about the actual people on which they may be based.

I think people write fanfiction about celebrities for their own reasons, but for me, personally, I chose to write about characters that use Lauren and Camila as a blueprint and use what I know of them (i.e. personality, looks) because I think a lot of people can positively relate with what they associate with Camren, which is a genuine friendship that may or may not have been. We all have our own interpretations of what we saw between Camila and Lauren and certainly, none of those could even be true, and this is why this work is the result of pure imagination and creativity: what I think could happen in an alternate universe based on what we know (which admittedly isn’t much) from this world.

With that said, please refrain from harassing Lauren and Camila by giving them links (or in any form letting them know) about this story. Let’s all respect their wishes to be disassociated from things that they’ve explicitly said makes them uncomfortable.

-M

#UPDATE #one shot #AU #slash #camren #angst drama #humour #romance fluff #submission #you were always the best part of me

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