#cause if it's some grand conquest he just HAD to mark with a big parade once every Zen-quadrip | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thatonegayship · 1 year ago

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What Bill wants for his big day:

So Bill doesn't have a birthday sure, but is there some sort of Bill Cipher Day? Demonic celebration?

..and if so, does dip know?

Oh man, there probably is! Bill's absolutely the kind of guy to have a whole Day Of Celebration devoted to himself. Likely it's not on any sort of earthly calendar basis, too, so it'll come up at some time when Dipper least expects it.

Because, c'mon. Bill's fantastically knowledgeable - but he's absolute shit at filling Dipper in on important information beforehand.

#can you imagine dipper popping out of a cake? he absolutely did not get there by himself. Bill is So Very Innocent here #What's this big day even about? is it a monumentous occasion or are we just celebrating Bill period?#cause if it's some grand conquest he just HAD to mark with a big parade once every Zen-quadrip #then I imagine Dipper earns himself a bit of Bill lore on his journey to find the Perfect Gift #Little does he know that Bill wasn't even expecting a gift from him. Hell he'll TAKE a gift no problem! But you didnt have to run ragged #your presence was present enough 🥺🥺🥺#Bullshit. Absolute bullshit #You already know a party thrown in Bill's honor is tackily decorated in triangles and life sized sculptures and Pin The Finger on the Ford #Perhaps Bill wasn't expecting the gift from Dipper because- Psh! Duh! You're my *husband!*#See those suckers lining up to put their pathetic little gifts on the gift table? How many presents are they carrying in either arm?#Dipper squints his eyes- Oh shit. *Two.* One for Bill and one for-. Oh.#The consensus being that What's My Glorious Conquest is Your Glorious Conquest!#This is a *dual* celebration Sapling! Cipher and everything under the same name gets a day of glory #What? Did you think you were gonna kick it with the low lifes while Bill lived it up on his throne?#Well. *Yeah.* Dipper sorta did. It makes sense though in a way #Celebrations like these are less about waving the same victory flag around over and over again for all of eternity #and more about taking advantage of his massive status to throw a party and get gifts #Which- if he sent out the invites and let the whole universe know he expected equal treatment to his *husband-*#well then he just uncovered a cheat code for double gifts #Dipper pinches his in the shoulder when he finally pieces it together #Bastard. He could've at least *told* him. All that pain and effort finding a freaking gold plated *corset-*#Bill bolts out of his chair #Yeah so Dipper chose the easy route: Throw Sex At It #Not a *bad* choice but god is it corny. 'Yeah so your present is actually me because I'm soo sexy and soo special oh don't you just wannna-'#okay yes easy route BUT also very effective. Not to mention mutually gratifying 😌👌#Still. Dipper would've liked to buy him something he can actually *keep.* Maybe he'll commission Mabel to make them a scrapbook #Bill doesn't mind one bit getting his special gift though. Especially not with the way it's been *wrapped*#Ha! He should ask for this *every* year! Full with the thrown room filled to the brim in images of his glory and power!!!#Being the *gift* certainly puts a bit more responsibility on Dipper to Do Good #But it's *his* celebration too apparently. Bill's gonna have to give a little something *back*

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