#cause if he wants back under my skin he's gonna havta give me somethin. it doesn't work if it's just pain.
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#rly felt almost ok for a hot second there but#it's all back again.#out of everythin he's said n done why is the thing i can't stop thinkin about. the way he used to want me#sure it was equal parts violence n it was never about ME just his wants n needs but. he really did want me at some point#like actually can't keep his hands off me levels of want me#now he.....only thinks i'm pretty when i'm in pain#i haven't felt pretty in a really long time.#which fucking figures cause i don't put in the least bit of effort n i've 'let myself go' completely but#i don't think i would even if i tried all that. i only feel pretty when someone's lookin at me like he can't take his eyes off me#he still watches but it's not cause he wants me anymore.#i guess that's rly why it's so hard resisting when he calls to me. that n the fear of what he'll do if i don't.#cause if he wants back under my skin he's gonna havta give me somethin. it doesn't work if it's just pain.#make me feel like i'm still worth havin#i can be good. i still know what he likes. i'll even wear the fucking collar if he wants me to#just fucking. make it feel worth it#spdrvent
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