#case in point: every time he interacts with yellow and Doesn't Get It

[pochapal-pokespe]

could you rank the pokespe protags from cis to trans. who is the most cis is what im wondering

Ok. maybe not a ranking but who gives you cis vibes

protags who are categorically NOT cisgender: yellow, emerald

protags who have definite Gender going on: ruby, sapphire

protags with honorary tgirl swag: blue

protags whose whole deal is intrinsically queercoded enough they get points deducted from their cisgender score by default: diamond, pearl, platinum, silver

protags who are cisgender (value neutral): crystal, wally, green

protags who are "cisgender" (check back on them in ten years): red

protags who are cisgender (derogatory): gold

[myxomato515]

Schoolhouse Rankings: Part 1

The Bottom 15

This will be a ranking of all 53 Schoolhouse Rock! segments from 1973-2002. Climate Rock from 2009 will not be included because I don't have access to it, and it's not really considered "the same" series as the run up to 2002. We're taking this very very no foolin' seriously here despite this being a kid's show from the 70's /j. It isn't that deep, but I'll make it that deep. I'm rating based mostly on the music and lyrics themselves; this is weighted towards the sonic aspect rather than visuals. I want strong instrumentation and good vocals, and a premise that keeps me listening. Characters and their interactions/potential to be interesting are also big players, I like the more charater-driven ones. If the premise/concept for how the subject is conveyed is creative, points there too. Lesser aspects they'll be judged on include actual animation quality(This was mostly a series concieved off a shoestring budget in the 70's, so unless the short does something exceptionally good or bad, not a lot of points depend on this) and general wow factor(Doing something standout from most other episodes). I'll also include a few stats if applicable as well as some fun trivia!

Here's a key for some symbols: ⭐"big one" most popular song of the season 🟩highest ranking song of the season 🟥lowest ranking song of the season ⚡seizure warning! prevalent flashing lights 👍i have an interesting fact to share ✖multiplication rock 🇺🇲america 🖥computer💲money 🖋grammar 🧪science

In last place...

53. ✖ The Good Eleven 🟥

I don't have a ton to say on this song; I just find it boring in every way. The delivery doesn't fit Bob Dorough. He just sounds really insincerely chipper and I'm not a fan of the key the song's in. Instrumentation isn't anything to scoff at, but it's also nothing special. And the short really falls flat in its concept. Motifs of angels and general ideas of purity are shown often in the video, but nothing is ever pushed to the point where it becomes interesting. If a good short is a work of art, like a painting, this is a bunch of scattershot ideas that splatter across the wall and do nothing else. It's literally about nothing. "11 is good, multiplying it is easy" is about all there is. No substance. Which I could also say about the animation, because it's really simple and boring. You could make the excuse that this was the first reason, so it wasn't up to snuff with the rest of them, but I wouldn't agree, because the same season has some really great moments like Little Twelvetoes and I Got Six, where you get some really colorful, detailed shots. This as well as the fact that there are some even better, arguably more simplistic animations with songs like Telegraph Line and even Presidential Minute really sours this song for me. If I had to describe this song in a word: Insubstantial. -Lowest placement for Bob Dorough -Lowest placement in Multiplication Rock -Lowest placement of all episodes

52. ✖ Lucky Seven Sampson

I have even less to say on this song. It at least has a concept, following the titular anthro rabbit Lucky Seven Sampson around town, and it's played into by the animation, but it's still not a very interesting one. He sort of just strolls around causing havoc and teaching how to multiply. Something that hinders the songs in multiplication rock is how at times stiff they are lyrically, which isn't really the fault of the writers, as you obviously need to insert the times tables in there somewhere, but it's still a detractor in really barebones cases such as this song, because besides that run of times tables there's not much. I don't even like Sampson's voice or design much. Dorough is pretty pitchy on higher notes, which is unlike him. The color palette with that ugly yellow background is also not stellar. Really boring.

51. 🇺🇲 Three Ring Government 🟥👍

This short used to scare me as a kid. I think it was a mix of the key it was in(I had/have a strange aversion to a few of these songs simply because of the key) and the more exaggerated artstyle that was, at times, a little uncanny. I used to freeze up because the lions on the posters in the backgrounds would scare the shit out of me. My point is that this short did not improve much in my eyes. The artstyle is rough, and in some cases uncanny in a not very charming way. I don’t know what to say because it’s just so… bleh. Luckily I’ve padded this with an early childhood story, so yay! Nobody will ever notice how boring and unimportant this song is! We truly were not missing anything with this one being delayed.

-Fun Fact! This song was held from airing for several months due to the song's entire concept being about comparing the branches of government to a circus. For fears of getting their funding cut because of this, the episode was withheld until 1979, making it the last short to air from America Rock by a long time. -Lowest placement for Lynn Ahrens -Lowest placement in America Rock

50. 🖥 Software/Think Computer! 🟥⭐

Scooter Computer and Mr. Chips is an odd season. It’s the only season to have recurring cast members in the forms of the titular Scooter Computer and Mr. Chips, who benefit this season greatly because I love them both. That being said, this is the worst of their relatively lackluster 4-episode season. Darrel Stern is super pitchy, and Bob Kaliban’s voice has a robot filter that’s grating when he’s trying to sing. The instrumentation is pretty lackluster and it’s my least favorite subject-wise, talking about BASIC and other 80’s computer software features that are severely outdated. I’m not one to bitch about the outdated songs- I will wax poetic about how amazing Telegraph Line is- but this just offers no value to me and probably most others.

-Lowest placement for Darrel Stern and Bob Kaliban -Lowest placement in Computer Rock

49. ✖ Elementary, My Dear

Bleh. Boring. I’ve been trying to shorten my reviews so I don’t yap, because I know I tend to restate my previous opinions a lot sometimes(got this input on a music review once), and this short will be great practice. Besides the fact that the little kid Noah has is cute, it doesn’t do much interesting, and the repetitive melody gets old fast

48. 🇺🇲 Elbow Room

Aged horribly. You'd be totally flamed for making a pro-manifest destiny song today. Besides that, though, Sue Manchester has the same cadence and sound as Lynn Ahrens, one of my least favorite vocalists on the SHR team, which doesn't do her a great service. The rest of it is take-it-or-leave-it.

-Lowest placement for a non-recurring singer(Sue Manchester)

47. 💲Tyrannosaurus Debt🟥👍

The idea of the National Debt being a huge dinosaur that constantly grazes Capitol hill is a pretty fun concept! I really like the creativity there, but besides that there’s not too much to pick apart. Money Rock at times could be very experimental with the SHR artstyle, but this was one that tried emulating the old artstyle, which leaves a lot to be desired as being faithful costed money. Most set pieces and backgrounds were flat white, and the people had a bleak artstyle revisited in Presidential Minute that really leaves a bad taste in my mouth. The more I think about it, the more I realize it’s just a bad version of what came before. Dorough’s delivery, though he does get a little more intense in the end, is pretty boring, and, in the same vein as Elementary My Dear, the singsong melody gets old quickly. There are a few songs that, rather than stick to a verse-chorus structure or have more fleshed out segments, just sort of go on and on, and it doesn’t interest me. Not a fan.

-Fun fact! At the end of this video, Bill from I'm Just a Bill makes a cameo! -Lowest placement in Money Rock

46. ✖ The Four-Legged Zoo

The kid's choir is actually really good in this song, and it adds some fun, airy energy to it. It sort of just lists animals and numbers, though, and the animation isn't super out there, so this short doesn't get a lot of points.

45. 💲This For That

With this one, I'll admit, the caveman guy is pretty cool. I like his design, he's a silly little dude. This is another short from Money Rock that harkens back to old SHR, and I must say, they did it far better here. I used to confuse this for one of the older ones when I was little, because I knew some of them were made later on, but I didn't know all of Money Rock was. Character designs are really good, and the steel drum is an interesting instrument a friend caught in the background and got me to pay attention to. Besides that the instrumental isn't all that special, and neither is the rest of the short. Dorough has that sort of bored, going-through-the-motions feel to his voice like he did in Tyrannosaurus Debt. The same pet peeve of a grating repeating melody is here and twice as bad. It's not really something I can describe; I just don't like it, there's nothing going on. That repetition at the "chorus" part of "Coins/barter is smarter" is also unbearable. Neither of them is truly "better" than the other, and the song seems to come to that conclusion through a confusing flip-flopping of that opinion every repetition.

44. 🇺🇲 The Preamble

Literally just the preamble to the Constitution. Like, that's it. Slightly related visuals to go with it. 'Salright.

43. 🖥 Intro 👍

This short doesn't really hold up to the excitement I had knowing it was lost media for some time. The instrumental has an aggressively 80's feel to it, which is cheesy, but in an admittedly very charming way. It's sort of an extended version of the theme song, and that’s cool. Premise is awesome, again, I love Mr. Chips, and this is essentially Scooter introducing him to us, and I love their little friendo dynamic! This just isn’t much in the lyrics or music or voice department. As stated before, the music has some fun 80’s cheese, but it gets old and ignorable quick, and is less memorable compared to later episodes like Hardware. Stern has the same loud, pitchy yell as he did in Software that gets on my nerves. I like it when he sing-talks more than when he actually sings. And the topics covered lyrically are expanded upon in the next three episodes, rendering this one a bit useless since it skims over the ideas on such a surface level. Not a bad episode, but there’s better.

-Fun fact! This song was lost for a very long time. After it's initial 80's airings, the short was lost by the network and declared lost media unil 2013, when Scooter's voice actor, Darrel Stern, uploaded the original tape online.

42. 🇺🇲 Presidential Minute👍

This is the shortest song in the whole lot, lasting, as suggested, just a minute. It’s cool, but there isn’t much to it besides that. Artstyle kinda blows as stared with Tyrannosaurus Debt, the designs and animation are very simple, but I sort of get it since the short is a just prize unlock for winning a dvd bonus game. Sheldon’s delivery isn’t outstanding, and the instrumental is standard.

-Lowest placement for Jack Sheldon -Fun fact! This episode as well as I'm Gonna Send Your Vote to College are exclusive to the 30th anniversary VHS/DVD releases!

41. 🇺🇲No More Kings

Another blase Ahrens America Rock song. Most of hers are very similar here, just recaps/skimmings of historical events, and that’s understandably restrictive for story ideas. Only real standout feature is the animation, which has a nice watercolor aesthetic I’m a big fan of.

40. 🖥Number Cruncher

Poor Scooter. Bro’s bedroom is half filled with papers. Scooter is relegated to statistitian for his baseball team, which he struggles with severely until he’s offered help by Mr. Chips. A fun premise! It’s kind of just Mr. Chips yapping though, but not in a fun way like(spoiler alert!) Hardware. Kaliban isn’t much better than Stern when he has the voice filter on, so in that aspect this is only slightly boosted. Standard Computer Rock faire.

39. ✖Figure Eight

I seriously love the first minute and fifteen seconds of this song. It contains a very delicate oscilating melody that I’m a big fan of. This was Blossom Dearie’s first song with the team, and her fragile voice sounds whispery and eerie, giving the song a creepy doll tone I enjoy. The figureskating animation and concept is also very alluring to me, I really like the establishing shot of the school blanketed in snow. The animation feels very graceful, a great pairing with the vocals and premise. This all comes back to bookend the song about a minute later, but that minute in the middle is such a big pacebreaker. It “transitions”(really just plops you in the middle of a completely different song) to a far cheerier, less elegant section that Dearie’s delivery does not switch up to match. Visuals are only semi-related, either containing the figure skating theme and not the character(whom I do really like), or the character and not the figure skating theme. Kinda just whatever crap they wanted to put in the song is thrown around here, and it damages what would otherwise be a song begging to be put in the top 20.

-Lowest placement for Blossom Dearie

[acerikus]

Something I've noticed from watching people's streams of the pacifist/genocide runs in undertale recently is that even when people are only helping because the streamer asks, they're still doing unnecessary backseating or giving false info, so here's a summary of what's ACTUALLY required/not required for new players to do while trying for those runs! (Key word TRYING - don't try to make a new player take a certain route! A first run is a magical experience that deserves no backseating.)

This is probably gonna all sound like extremely obvious stuff to people who are super into the fandom (like myself), but there seems to be plenty of people who have played who don't know too!

(This is more for viewers than new players, and contains spoilers)

Pacifist

As long as they haven't killed anything, the player has NOT messed anything up. Missed an interaction? Didn't date papyrus or undyne? That's fine! That can all be done post-asgore. People will often figure this stuff out themselves if you let them anyway, and they'll find it a lot more satisfying!

Yeah, it's painful if they don't save the pie or the doughnut/cider. They're not required though, so let them.

Don't tell streamers how to spare a monster unless they specifically request help. A lot of pacifist battles are puzzles in themselves that are really satisfying to figure out yourself. Same for escaping undyne - they'll get there in the end!

As long as the streamer spares Flowey, he'll give them all the info they need - if you haven't dated/hung out with Papyrus, he suggests becoming better friends with him. Same for Undyne, and same for Alphys. If they kill flowey, THAT might be the only time you really gotta give input. You reload right before Asgore so it's still run-compliant!

Killing Asgore is fine, and killing Flowey doesn't kill the run either. As mentioned though, you might need to give them some hints about the hangouts if Flowey isn't alive to tell them.

It's okay if they pick mean dialogue options! Sans even says in the pacifist judgement dialogue that your lack of LOVE 'doesn't mean you're innocent or nïeve'. You can be as mean as you want as long as nobody dies - which also means pacifist players CAN use the fight option as long as they don't reduce any monster's health to zero. Eating the snowman piece also doesn't kill the run.

Destroying the ruins dummy doesn't ruin a pacifist run - for a ghost to die, they have to become corporeal. This wasn't the case here. Pretty sure the same applies with the napstablook fight! Devouring vegetoid is also okay - in 1.0.0 I believe it counted as a kill, but Toby changed it in every version after.

Don't tell blind players to backtrack before they fight Asgore! The game never hints at that beforehand and the only people who would know without backseating are those who have played before. Let them have the full experience - plus they'd miss out on a bunch of asgore and flowey dialogue, and the neutral pacifist ending!

No, they DON'T need to talk to all the shopkeeps, or visit Mettaton's house, or donate to the spiders. Do all these things give more lore or make things simpler? Sure! But they're not required. You can always tell them afterwards, but let them have their first run without too much guidance. (Ofc if they ask to be told about cool secrets/things they missed then you can, just use common sense lol. Respect whatever rules a streamer sets!)

You literally can't kill Papyrus unintentionally so don't be scared if a streamer fights him. The best weapon you can have at that point is the tough glove, and even if you land every hit perfectly it doesn't have enough damage output to kill him before the end of the fight. His name will turn yellow before he's in any real danger, and if they're pacifist they'll know to spare at the end.

No item is required. Absolutely none. (...I mean, except undyne's letter I guess lol)

Once a player triggers true pacifist, they're locked into the route. No matter what they do by the time they get to the lab, it's fine. Absolutely nothing past here can kill the run, so no more advice unless they specifically ask something. Fighting doesn't even work on anything from true lab onwards lol

Genocide

Make sure they don't fight Toriel until the kill counter is exhausted. They'll pretty quickly get the hang of it after that. If they go to fight one of the bosses (Toriel, papyrus, undyne, mettaton) before the kill counter is exhausted, that's the only time to worry. If they don't know about the kill counter yet don't spoil it - the shock of realising there's no more enemies is always super satisfying. You could always give them a LOVE goal if you wanna be subtle!

Yes, that also means going to Toriel's house, snowdin or the core is fine before the kill counter is done. Just don't trigger the boss fights.

Sparing random encounters doesn't ruin the run. That monster is still in the monster pool and can be killed later. The only monsters this doesn't apply to are unique encounters like the bosses, dogs, shyren, etc.

Looking at the wordsearch is fine, but you might wanna assure them of that if they panic once the music goes back to normal (interacting with the wordsearch makes the music revert from the genocide version).

If they're about to spare sans, let them. It builds character.

There's not really much else tbh. As long as they're getting 'but nobody came' and killing all the bosses they've done everything right. Again, if they miss dialogue or a secret you can just tell them after the run :)

[chibigingi]

Me, an avid Emmrich lover, every time I see their icons in Emmrich's room with a yellow exclamation point:

But no, seriously, this is one of my favorite interactions in the entire game. It showcases two characters who are vastly different but also share something in common (that being the 'tism and their drive to dump their hyperfixations onto others, regardless if the other really wants to hear it or not).

It's a good demonstration on setting boundaries with others. Emmrich keeps rattling on about stuff that Taash is clearly (to us, the player) disturbed/disgusted by, but until Taash finally puts their foot down and TELLS him just how much it bothers them, he'll not get the hint or realize that it's not just Taash being an asshole that's the problem but his constant rambling about stuff they're uncomfortable with.

The moment Taash goes off and lets Emmrich know how they really feel, Emmrich IMMEDIATELY apologizes for having not realized just how much it bothered Taash. And Taash assuming that Emmrich didn't care what they'd think makes sense because they had been showing what they thought were some pretty clear signs that it's not a topic they enjoyed but his continuing to bring it up was misconstrued as a blatant refusal and thus 'he doesn't care what I think'.

Neither party is in the wrong. Both needed to communicate their grievances and once it was brought to the surface and addressed (either in encouraging them to find equal ground or to find new topics), they both improve as not only their own individual characters but as a unit. (One of my favorite pairings besides Davrin/Emmrich... honestly, these two clean HOUSE every time and saved my ass on my first playthrough).

As for whether to encourage them to find common ground or new topics, I must concur with what was previously mentioned. "Find new topics" allows you to learn more about the grave dowry, the purpose for all of Emmrich's jewelry, the helmet he wears when you first meet him, and Taash show case some mad designer skills that'd make Rarity from MLP:FiM want to consult with.

You know I can tell when people don't take Taash out with them. People talk about how mean they are to Emmrich, and yet once the two of them have their little fight, they become so much closer. Talking about jewelry, the color of fire, and sometimes even corpse stuff if Taash feels comfortable with it.

(I highly recommend people pick the option where they find other things to talk about. It has a lot more options imo.)

they become friends. And yet some people don't give Taash a chance to show that off.

[thesilenceanswers]

WHAT I THINK ABOUT:

TV SERIES – SKAM remakes (WtFock)

I think I could define myself as a big Skam fan which is quite dumb as a definition because it’s impossible not to be a big Skam fan once you start watching it.

So, better to say, I’m a normal Skam fan (which means BIG Skam fan) who is truly completely and utterly in love with season 3.

Again, no surprise, I guess.

However, I recently watched WtFock season 3 (unfortunately I didn’t watch it on real-time) and at the beginning the thing that got me so emotional was the concept that another parallel universe was forming.

But afterwards I fell in love with the two characters, even more than in the original one, if possible.

Since the talk about multiverse theory has a special spot in my heart, I decided to analyse that specific clip in WtFock.

WOENSDAG 16:36

1. The settings: colours and music

In my view, music and colours have the power to enlighten the whole mood and to convey a wholeness to a clip. I personally loved the soft colours chosen for this moment: the beige tone and the brownish aesthetic of the setting gave me somehow a sense of warmth and calm. It’s so relaxing and pleasing for both the eyes and the soul.

However, not only the colour palette is perfectly made, but also the choice of music is brilliant.

Every time the intro of ocean eyes by Billie Eilish begins, my world just breaks in two: this song was composed for this moment, you can’t change my mind.

It’s just so so accurate: Sander and Robbe really can't stop staring at each other’s eyes.

2. Lovebird

The beginning of the clip is both intense and light-hearted.

I know it may seem a dichotomy but it's just like that: right in the middle of the cuddles and the kisses the two of them can be so playful with each other (Robbe throwing pillows at Sander, or Sander playing around with the chips)

These two are truly lovebirds and all of these small gestures actually show how comfortable they are with the presence of the other: it's such a tender and soft scene that it warms my heart every time I watch it.

However, the apotheosis of this first part of the clip is peaked when Sander shows Robbe his sketch for the mural. I won’t lie, my heart sinked the first time I witnessed this magic moment (actually it does every time I re-watch it, but that's another story): just imagine how Robbe must have feeling sad and alone for such a long time; but then, out of nowhere, the man of his life just shows him how much he already means to him. Sander is so in love with Robbe that he is already his muse.

But that's not enough: our camera boy wants to portray the man of his dreams also with his camera.

And, again, I find it amazing how the two of them fit so well together: how Robbe giggles trying not to get

photographed and how Sander laughs saying "Allè posé".

But that’s not only by the gesture that we can feel they are so comfortable at the presence of the other, it’s also by how they interact.

I personally love how Robbe feels so at ease that he does not hesitate a moment before saying “Leonardo Di Caprio” when Sander asks him about his favourite actor.

He just simply says what he actually thinks and this really shows how much he already feels connected with Sander.

I know that "favourite actor" is a minor subject, but still I think that Robbe would have not be so relaxed in telling the Brores that he actually loved Romeo and Juliet; and that is because he is trying to hide his real self from his best friends. But that's not the case with Sander: Robbe feels free to be fully himself with him.

3. Sander’s shield and Robbe’s multiverse

However, in my opinion, the most outstanding moment of this clip is the conversation they have about life.

The first important aspect of this turning point event is Sander's behaviour.

At first, we are able to see only the shield he has put around himself for avoiding pain and suffering.

This defence mechanism (this shield) is visible when he says: '' Actually life is sometimes a bit like a movie, you have control over your own life. Choosing what your life is and what it will become".

This statement it's just so Sander-like: it shows the god-like character and the flawless golden boy he tries so hard to be.

But Sander's shield crashes down as soon as Robbe goes on by giving one of my favorite speeches of the show: " The theory (of multiverse) is based on the fact that time is also just a dimension and that besides this universe, there exists several other universes. When you make a decision, the universe splits itself. You can exist in every universe, but then always a little bit different. There could be Sander and Robbe lying in the same exact position as we are right now but, for example, there could be curtains with different colour".

I really find this speech a piece of art, pure poetry and pure genius: it made me shiver in the original one but this one got me mesmerized.

I realized why it is so important for me: I can relate to this view.

However, despite of the profound impact that these words had on me, what I love the most is Sander's reactions throughout the speech.

He is constantly but tenderly teasing Robbe by saying: "Like Spider-Man?" "Like in the flash?" and then the iconic "Yellow curtains" (I see the reference here).

I literally love these little remarks because I find them so genuine: Sander is actually listening to Robbe and he wants to interact with him for letting him know he does care about what he says.

However, I find Sander being so generous in giving those light-hearted comments: even though he really feels deeply what Robbe has told him, he is still trying to cheer Robbe up and to lighten the mood.

4. They never stop

(aka the most outstanding moment of the clip)

It’s just a moment but it changes everything.

Robbe looks directly in Sander's eyes and asks him if he has ever thought like that.

For me the whole world did stop for a moment when I first saw it.

In Robbe's stare I can feel his desire to understand Sander's real thoughts: he does care about him and that's why he wants to get to see Sander for who he truly is.

It's at Robbe's pure and tender care, that is the point when Sander's shield falls.

He stares at the ceiling thinking about what to say.

The music stops and the burden weighing on his shoulders is finally visible as he says 'I have".

With this small statement we get to see the real Sander: the fragile, insecure, lost boy who struggles with his life and who isn't so invincible like he appears to be.

Suddenly he finds himself helpless and falling in a black hole of dark feelings as he let himself go by saying: "Then I feel so lonely. Just don't you sometimes think: why is that I think what I'm thinking. Then you go back to your memories, step by step, and then how you went from one thought to the other. Then you think: why is like this? What if at that one thought I had thought something else, then I wasn't thinking what I am thinking right now. That keeps continuing, it goes on and on and it doesn't stop."

I shiver every time I hear this speech. It is so intense, so powerful and yet so dark.

The first time I heard it, I was affected by it at the point that I couldn't remember where my thoughts ended and where Sander's ones begin.

That was because I completely relate to those thoughts, and hearing them from him got me like his character even more because I could see how human he was.

He is just as complex as we are.

He is passionate, brave and full of life, yet he feels powerless towards the fact that he doesn’t feel the author of his own thoughts and consequently his own life.

[hannie-dul-set]

(thirteen times) i love you— 01

— wherein y/n (a hopeless romantic) seems to fall in love with nearly ever guy she meets. so, she writes letters for them to compensate. these letters weren’t meant for them to read, but what happens when they all end up receiving them?

01 // the day it all went down

word count: 4.3k

a/n: the first part is finally here!! heheh. be warned that this is nothing but an absolute shitfest rip HAHHAH please lmk what you thought about this part!!

part 2 will be on July 9th, 8:00 PM EST!

<< prev | next >>

masterlist

The soft breeze hits your skin as you walk down the dusty pavement. Clutching your books to your chest, you let out a long breath. Yet another agonizingly long day at school, I guess.

Your pace begins to slow down the moment your temporary prison appears into your field of vision. It wasn't as if you hated school— what you hated was going through the same mundane pattern nearly every single damn day to the point that it could bring a person to the brink of insanity. If that hadn't happened before, then you surely will be the first.

"Y/N! It's good to see that you're alive!" A chipper voice (thankfully) interrupts your blaring thoughts.

You groaned, "How the fuck is that a good thing, Hyerim? If anything, my impending death might actually be what the world needs right now."

"And how exactly would your death contribute to helping the earth?" Hyerim rolled her eyes, adjusting the strap of her bag as the both of you entered the campus.

A few acquaintances greeted the both of you while you passed the corridors. "Is Jiyeon not here yet?" You questioned, brushing a stray hair behind your ear.

"Said she's gonna be late," Hyerim shrugged, "And you still haven't answered my question, missy."

With a sigh, you divert your attention towards your locker which is a few feet away from you. Your eyes narrow. What the fuck? You continue to squint at the object— or more like the person leaning against it, whom which you assumed is waiting for you for god knows whatever reason.

"Hellooo? Y/N, you okay?" a waving hand blocks your vision. You turned to your friend who's giving you a worried look.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," you assured her. Hopefully. You glance back at the male who was still in the same spot as before, but this time, he seemed to have noticed you. For fucks sake, go away! Oh lord jesus, am I in trouble? You gulped and looked back to your friend.

"Hey, I gotta go. I'll see you later," you bid her goodbye, walking past her "And to answer your question— overpopulation."

You heard small 'what the fuck' from your friend before you had finally left her presence, causing small grin to form in your face. Although, your brief moment of joy was cut short once you remembered the apparent doom that was waiting for you at your locker.

You made your way towards the man. With every step you take, your heart races further and a new thought of dread plants itself in your mind.

What does he want from me?! As far as I know, I haven't done anything wrong! But why else would he be here? Wait, what if I actually did something that I don't know of? Jesus— okay, relax Y/N, it probably won't be that bad. Oh god, never mind, he doesn't look happy. You know what, my death would really, really, really sound nice right now. Maybe if i just jump—

"Oh. There you are, Y/N. I've been waiting for you for quite some time now."

Lord, please take me.

"May I know why, Seungcheol?" you look up to meet his eyes, features remaining calm in the hopes of masking the internal turmoil that's going on in your head.

It takes him a while to respond. He bites his bottom lip, eyes wandering in every direction besides you. Based on his actions, you could tell he was nervous— that didn't exactly sit well with you. Why the hell is mister student council president waiting for you, and not to mention he's nervous? The last interaction you've had with him was literally months ago. None of your thoughts seemed to line up, so all you could do was just to anxiously wait for his response.

He let out a deep breath, "Look, Y/N, I'm really flattered that you like me and—"

Your brows furrowed. What?

"—and I appreciate the fact that you think I'm handsome and all—"

The hell is he saying?

"—but you know I have a girlfriend and I really don't think she'll —"

"Seungcheol, what are you talking about?" you cut him off, your face filled with confusion.

You see him pressing his lips together. He reaches his hand into his pocket and takes out something from it.

A look of horror shrouds your face upon seeing the familiar object. Your eyes widen and you could feel your breathing starting to become erratic.

Oh my god no no no, please, for the love of god, don't tell me—

"I got your letter, Y/N," a yellow envelope appears in his hand, "I'm really sorry, I really do appreciate the sentiment but I don't think Minyoung will be happy if she sees— wait, Y/N, are you okay?"

You shake you head, hyperventilating. Your eyes still focused on the dreaded envelope in Seungcheol's hand. This can't be happening, this cannot be happening.

Seungcheol's hands meet your shoulders, "Hey, do you want me to take you to the infirmary?" he looks at you, eyes filled with worry.

"I'll— I'll be fine, y-yeah, I'm okay—"

You freeze.

"No, you're obviously not fine, Y/N. I'm taking you to the infirmary."

What if the rest has theirs?

"I— I have to go—" you shake his hands off of you and you ran off, leaving a confused and rather bewildered Seungcheol behind.

As you raced through the halls, all of the students that you came across seemed to be giving you worried glance. They probably thought you were having a breakdown— which in fact, you are (surprise.) You must've looked absolutely terrible for them to even notice. You had no idea where you were headed— anywhere where you could lose your mind without anyone seeing would be nice. You take a swift turn, but instead of moving forward, you were stopped back a rather broad and muscular chest.

"Oh damn, you alright there, Y/N?" you slowly look up and you were met by the face you someone you really didn't want to see.

"Earth to, Y/N? Have you lost the ability to speak or maybe I've just rendered you speechless?" you nearly slapped the shameless grin on the man's face, but you remained still.

"Or maybe she just doesn't want to talk to you, Gyu."

You snap your head to the direction of the voice. Your face contorting in horror upon seeing him. Any moment now, death.

Kim Mingyu and Xu Minghao. Whatever higher being there is from above must be enjoying the shit show that your life is slowly becoming into.

You let out a small shriek as you scrambled away from the both of them.

"Okay I knew she didn't like me, but that was just rude."

Quickening your pace, you dashed your way to the back of the school. It was almost time for your first class, but all you wanted to do was just to sit down, cry, and wallow yourself in self-pity.

The doors of heaven made its way into your peripheral vision and you swear you were about to burst into tears of joy. You let out a breath and a smile of relief plastered itself on your face.

But of course, your moment of bliss just had to be cut short.

"Y/N."

You felt someone grab your arm and you let out a squeak. You'd recognize that voice anywhere.

"Sorry, it's just that I read your letter and I—"

"I, uh, I can't talk right now, Seokmin. Gotta go, bye—" for the third time today, (and possibly more to come) you ran.

It seemed like the back of the school wasn't an option to have your breakdown, anymore. You continue on running until your legs brought you in front of the infirmary. Good enough, you thought to yourself.

You tried to catch your breath as you entered the room. From the corner of your eye, you could see a nurse on duty giving you a skeptical look.

"Don't worry," you heaved, "I just— I just need to rest for a bit."

Planting yourself face-down onto one of the nearby beds, you let out a scream. Why the hell is this happening? You were just about to begin sobbing until you heard the door swung open.

"Oh, Joshua. What brings you here, sweetie?"

Of course that's gonna happen. What did I fucking expect?

You silently thank the people that invented the curtains around medical beds because if it weren't for them, you'd be fucked (more than you already were.) Although, he would still be able to see you if he comes closer and you were not willing to let that happen.

So, like any other person would do, you climbed under the bed.

You could see the nurse's alarmed expression looking at your figure. You placed your index finger on your lips.

'Please, don't tell anyone that I'm in here,' you mouthed, your face brimming with desperation. She seemed to understand your message since she diverted her attention to Joshua.

"Ah, I was just wondering if you hand any pain killers? My head started to ache while I was heading to class."

"Is that so? Just give me a moment, Joshua, I'll go get them."

"Thank you."

A pair of feet appeared in front of you and your heart started to race. You placed your palm on your mouth in case you accidentally slip out a sound.

"Here you go, dear."

"Ah, thank you so much. I'll be going now, Miss Lee."

"Alright. Remember to take care of yourself, Joshua."

The pair of feet shuffle away, causing you to let out the breath that you've been holding back.

"I won't," you heard the door swing open then put immediately to a close.

Slowly, you crawl back out from your hiding spot, hitting your head in the process. But did you care? No, because thank the fucking gods— your ass is saved for now. You stood up and started fixing your clothes and hair (and your mental state, but that's far from redeemable due to today's mishaps.) The bell rang, and you heard a cough coming from behind you. Turning around, you see the nurse looking at you with an unamused expression.

"Before you loiter around any further, I'd have to tell you that you need to get back to class, sweetie," despite the endearment at the end, the tone of her voice is less than endearing; a stark contrast from when she was talking to Joshua, earlier. But then again, he wasn't acting crazy and crawling underneath furniture, so you couldn't really blame her.

You nodded, and without a word, you scurried out of the room.

A groan exited your mouth as you made your way to your first class— chemistry. There weren't much students left in the hallway since the bell had already rung, so you're free to trudge your body around like a zombie. You've reached the door to your class, but before you could open it, you paused.

Fuck.

You curse at yourself.

Junhui is in this class.

Silently letting out a few prayers, you finally opened the door. Two pairs of eyes immediately stared at your direction— you professor, and the devil himself, Junhui.

Jesus, it's like he has been waiting for my arrival or something (guess what: he was.)

"My apologies for being late, sir, I just came from the infirmary," you explain.

"It's fine, Y/N, just go to your seat," you professor brushed you off and you nodded, following his instructions.

The class went on agonizingly slow, but perhaps that was just you hoping for it to end quickly. But, can you really blame yourself when there's literally someone drilling holes at the back of your head the entire god damned time?

Your look at the perpetrator from a few seats behind you, and were met by his intense gaze. You let a barely audible curse slip past your lips and turned your head back to the front. Can he like, stop? You could feel the warmth spreading on your cheeks from the brief interaction. Burying your face in your arms, you could only wait for the saving sound of the bell.

As if it were an ensemble of angels singing— the bell rang.

A bunch of students immediately stood up, you being one of them. You raced towards the door before Junhui could catch up to you. You exited the classroom, but before you could let out a sweet sigh of relief, you felt a hand on your shoulder.

"Hey, Y/N. Is it okay if we talk for a sec?" you paled. No, it is not okay if we talk for a sec— or ever, actually. You turned your head to face him, but before you could utter out an excuse, someone decided to interrupt.

"Sorry, Jun. But I need to borrow Y/N for a while," you thought you were finally saved, but it turns out that your savior would actually end up being your demise, as well.

Wonwoo dragged you away from Junhui without giving him a chance to respond. 

Is this some sort of sick fucking joke?

The tall male finally stopped dragging you and you both ended up in a quiet hallway. You look up at him, trying to formulate a decent excuse in your head since you already anticipated what he has to say.

"Sorry for interrupting you, but I just had to inform you to head to the clubroom after class," Wonwoo explained. "I know I could've just told you there, but you looked like you'd rather die than be that situation— whatever that was."

Huh. You thought. Hasn't he read the letter?

"Anyways, I'll be seeing you later, Y/N," he bade you farewell and left your confused self in the hallway.

You let out a heavy sigh. Thank god you we're saved just now but you know that won't last any longer. Walking at an agonizingly slow pace to your next class, you could only anticipate the next stage of torture that life has planned for you.

You made a quick stop at your locker before heading to class. Letting out a yawn, you opened it and took out everything you need. You weren’t gonna lie, this whole fiasco was starting to make you feel like a dead log . All you wanted was to sleep for ten days (and maybe cry along the way) and wake up knowing this entire thing was just a shitty dream.

You closed (read: slammed) your locker. Turning your heels, you see the presence of another person a couple of feet away from you. You groaned. Can I get a fucking break, please?

At the end of the hallway was Lee Jihoon.

You expected him to march up to you, letter in hand, and gently tell you to fuck off because he isn’t interested. But instead, the moment the male met your eyes, a flustered look crept onto his face along with a not-so-subtle red blush. You heard him mumble a low ’fuck’ before he literally ran away from you as if you had some sort of contagious disease. The tables have turned, apparently.

If you hadn’t been doing the exact same thing during the entirety of the morning, you’d be offended by his actions. You sigh, spending the next few minutes walking to your next class in silence.

Surprisingly, you weren’t late. You took a seat on the second row and waited for the class to start. An uneasy feeling started to flourish in your head. This is weird, you thought. This had been the longest time of peace that had passed before everything inevitably turns to shit again.

Just as the thought enters your mind, the door swings open, revealing none other than Boo Seungkwan.

You grumble, of course this was bound to happen. You prepared yourself for yet another uncomfortable Junhui situation to commence, but it ended up being far more worse than anticipated.

As if the universe slowed down just for this moment, Seungkwan marched towards the desk literally right beside you and, god-forbid, he sat down.

I really wish I were dead, right now.

To make things even more terrible, the male decided to strike up a conversation.

“Morning, Y/N.”

You contemplated grabbing your pen and just stabbing yourself with it, but you didn’t— that would take much too long. Instead, you ended up responding with a small ‘hi,’ which sounded more like a squeak than anything else.

Seungkwan hummed at your response and started fixing his things. You prayed, hoped, and wished that he hadn’t read the letter yet, because god you wouldn’t be able to escape this just like the previous times.

The professor started the class, and the next couple of minutes were spent with him introducing a new lesson.

You assumed your prayers have finally been answered since so far, Seungkwan hadn’t mentioned anything about the letter. You thought you could finally rest easy and focus on the class, but of course, the world decided that you haven’t suffered enough just yet.

“Psst, I was waiting for you to mention the letter you sent me, but it seems like you have zero plans so—”

“Sir, may I go to the restroom!?”

You shot up, cutting off the male beside you and catching the attention of everyone in class. You bit your bottom lip. Clearly, you didn’t think this through, but you didn’t care— you just needed to leave.

“Go ahead, Miss Y/N, and please don’t yell the next time you ask.”

In a rush, you immediately left the room. You weren’t planning on going to the bathroom— for fuck’s sake, you were going home. You didn’t think you could handle the possibility of meeting any more of the recipients of your letters. You were aware you’d have to confront them in the future, but that’s in the fucking future, right now your main agenda is just to cry.

You briskly made your way around the halls, avoiding the handful of people that were around. It was an easy task since people seemed to avoid you the moment you step into their presence. From the corner of your eye, you spot the same dreaded yellow object that had been the root of your ongoing despair. Your breath hitches, bringing you to a halt upon seeing the envelope nestling in Kwon Soonyoung’s grasp.

Taking a deep breath, you hoped to sneak past the male without him noticing you in any possible way. You inched your way past him, taking one step at a time. You were about to take a turn, successfully avoiding the giant landmine that was in the form of Soonyoung, he decided to crush your hopes by looking straight at your direction. His eyes widen, opening his mouth to say something, but you didn’t give the guy a chance—

You ran.

The effect your previous marathons might’ve finally taken a toll on your body since you weren’t running as quickly as before. Your breathing started to become short and even more labored. For the meantime, you decided to stop. You wanted to escape him, not pass out. Leaning against the wall, you pant profusely, you weren’t sure if you would be able to handle this any further— physically and mentally.

You start to move again, although at a much slower pace this time. No matter what happens, you’re going home, only by then you would be able to think about a solution to your problem.

“Y/N! Wait up!”

The blood on your face drains. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck— just fuck. You could hear his footsteps getting nearer and nearer. Adrenaline rushes through your veins and you prepare yourself to start sprinting once again.

Why the fuck is this happening to me?

You sort of wish Seungcheol was just there to reprimand you earlier rather than bringing about this shit storm. It wasn’t his fault by any means, but you couldn’t find anything or anyone else to blame. God, you may have wanted a break from your daily mundane routine but isn’t this a bit too much?

Amidst your rush, a voice brings you to a halt.

“Y/N, what do you think you’re doing?”

You look up to the owner of the voice, mentally spewing out a string of curses (you couldn’t say it to his face unless you wanted to be in even deeper trouble.)

“Aren’t you supposed to be in class? Why the hell are you running around the hallway?”

Jeonghan begins to scold you, although none of it seems to register in your mind. You could only focus on the sound of Soonyoung’s footsteps, who in fact is only seconds away.

“Look, Jeonghan,” you heaved, cutting him off, “I— I’m sort of in— in a situation right now,” you looked at the male in desperation, your breathing still noticeably unstable. You turn your head behind you, seeing the shadow of the male inching closer. “Fuck.”

You faced the male in front of you once again, “Sorry, Jeonghan, but I really��� really have to go,” for the umpteenth time today, you ran, but it seemed like Jeonghan didn’t plan on letting you go just yet.

“What the— Y/N, I’m not done with you yet, hold on—”

Instead of one, you now have two males chasing after you. That doesn’t sound too bad if it were in aromantic context, but literally two guys— both of them being exceptionally athletic and fast— are trying to frantically catch you via a running competition. Now that sounds terrible.

Your legs were seriously about to give in— maybe this is a sign to start going to the gym. But due to some miracle (or maybe you were just really fast when desperate), you managed to put some distance between you and the two boys, but you know that wasn’t going to last long. What you need was a hiding place, but where the fuck could you possible hide?

“Yo, Y/N, over here,” you turn your head and see Vernon, who you hoped hasn’t read your letter yet— you probably wouldn’t be able to handle another guy coming for your ass.

Taking the risk, you march up to him, hoping he could help you in some way. He points at his locker and you furrowed your brows in response, how is that supposed to help you?

“Hurry, get in, I’ll tell them you ran off somewhere else,” Vernon ushered you inside the compartment. You gape at him. Were you really gonna let him lock you in his locker in order to get two guys off of your tail? To answer: yes, yes you were.

You struggled to let yourself fit, but although extremely cramped, you managed. From the holes of the locker’s door, you were able to see and hear what was going on outside. A few seconds pass, then Jeonghan and Soonyoung appeared into view.

“Vernon, have you seen Y/N around?” Jeonghan asked, his breath hitching just the slightest bit.

Vernon, for the love of god, please be on my side.

“Yeah, she ran off in that direction,” he pointed towards somewhere you couldn’t see.

“Thanks, man,” Soonyoung replied and the both of them finally disappeared.

You closed your eyes, hoping to find some semblance of peace as you wait for Vernon to release you from the confined space.

“Alright, Y/N, they’re gone,” you heard a click and the locker door creaked open, “You’re safe now.”

Getting out was as much of a struggle as getting in, but once you were fully free, you found refuge on the floor underneath you. You let out as sigh as you leaned against one of the other lockers.

“Hate to ruin your moment, Y/N but why the fuck were they chasing you?” Vernon asked, confusion present in his voice.

You decided to pull yourself up, the male helping you along the way, “It's— It’s a long story,” you managed to utter out. Vernon only looked at you, probably even more perplexed than before. You brush off all the dust and the dirt before taking your leave.

“Thanks a lot, Sol. God, you don’t know how much I owe you for that,” you breathed.

“An explanation would be appreciated,” he chuckled, “But I won’t bug you right now, you look absolutely fucked out.”

You gave him a tired smile in response, “I’ll be going now. See you around,” you wave at him then immediately made your way outside.

The sun hits your skin. You almost cried knowing you finally managed to make it out alive. A few more agonizing minutes until you could have your long awaited breakdown. Surprisingly, the guard by the gate didn’t question why you were leaving school grounds— your postwar appearance probably says everything.

While you were trudging your way home, you felt a buzz in the pocket of your skirt. Letting out a groan, you fish for your phone. A look of dread shrouds your face upon seeing the message. Just when you thought your misery was over.

[chan: y/n we having a tutoring session later right? 👀]

[you: sorry chan, i won’t make it today]

[chan: aw is that so :((( i wanted to talk to you about something

chan: tomorrow then!!!]

You let out an exasperated groan and shoved your phone back into your pocket. Whatever happens within the next few days— you’ll deal with them sooner or later (hopefully, never).

Your house comes into view and you immediately broke into a sprint. Upon reaching your front door, the tears that you’ve been holding back the entire time threaten to break out. A few more seconds, Y/N, you could make it. You opened the door, and after slamming it close, you drop to the floor.

You know you’d have more shit awaiting for you tomorrow, but as of now— you only had the energy to bawl your eyes out, drown yourself in your own misery, and hope for the best to come.

[harieltaj]

Your mother has convinced her friends to bring their kids over, "for a get-together," she says. "Give the kids a chance to know themselves."

You listen as she makes the call, the date is set and you pray they get food or get in an accident so you don't have to see or interact with them. You flash her a smile when she tells you you're going to love Nduka, her best friend's son. You pray Nduka gets sick, or falls into a well and isn't rescued until the day after the get-together. You realize you're being mean, so you pray the trailer falls on you instead, or you fall into a well and aren't found until the event is over.

You're a pretty girl with large brown eyes. Emeka the potter said it makes you look cute and that was when he kissed you. Inside his room that smelt of burnt clay, you let him fondle your breast. But then you had to leave because your mom had called. That was the last time you saw or spoke to Emeka. He left for his uncle's place in Onitsha and changed his number.

You're short and your petite height is just an added feature to your overflowing beauty. If only you knew Bankole spent all his time reading poems and trying to write one, maybe you'd have been able to see through his bluff and refuse him the chance to place his warm mouth on your breasts. You didn't know and the next time you saw him, he told you he got a message from the Lord; you're not it for him.

Your small mouth is beautiful and your cocoa-colored skin is a work of art drove you to Hassan's hand. It was the accent he spoke with, your belief that love knew no religion or tribe, and the way he paid attention to your every word that made you fall for him. He had the brightest eyes and all these dreams he wanted you to be part of. But then, he had to go abroad and you broke when he told you not to wait for him.

Your sense of fashion is explicable and enviable, the way you let your skirt stop just before your knee is an art only goddesses can achieve. You are a goddess. Vanessa was the best friend you've ever had. Everyone compared her to pawpaw, so yellow and edible. Same height and you both had a great connection; it would have been weird if you didn't end up as friends. She was your hype woman. She cared about you as you did her. Then you walked into Gideon's house, the boy you were dating, and found them tangled in the sheets, going at it like spent swimmers.

Bose was quite the sympathetic soul. She cursed Vanessa and Gideon on your behalf and shut down any attempt they made to talk to you. You were grateful for her; she was heaven sent. Your money ran out quicker than water in the desert. You had to buy for two. She guilt-tripped you whenever you didn't buy for her or said you were broke. She reminded you, in case you suffered amnesia every now and then, that your parents were well to do whereas hers put the poor in poverty. When you didn't give her the money she had asked for, she called you a bad person and told you to prepare yourself because there was no way hell would pass by you. And when you get to hell, because you would, she won't give you a drop of water even if Father Abraham begs her to. She slammed the door after saying you deserved every heartbreak you got.

Samson was your strength. He told you he admired the way you held your head high. He said you were the strongest person he knew because after having your heart broken and used like that, you still put on a brave front and smiled like you didn't have the weight of the world on your shoulders. He said you were a hero and with so much sincerity in his eyes, he said you reminded him so much of his mom. Boys preferred women who reminded them of their mom, everyone said so. You felt like you've hit a gold mine. He was the one for you, but you held out just in case. You gave it up when he told you he loved you in a way only writers could describe.

It was in his apartment. He had kissed you with so much intensity that shook your knees and the only witness was the blue bulb that tried to light up the tiny room. He had raised you up and placed you on the table which, happily, was wood. Plastic wouldn't have been able to support the wave of intensity that was crashing through you. The way his tongue invaded every corner of your mouth made your body go wild. His lips were on your neck suffocating every reasonable thought you could form. He nibbled dedicatedly on your neck, writers would say he was marking you as his. You could still remember thinking that he was about to turn you to a vampire, a clear sign that he was in it for the long haul.

Then he pulled away and kissed you even harder on the lips if only bulbs could narrate. You felt everything he wanted to say. He was in between your legs and your shirt was hitched really high. Your bodies were pressed together and he had one hand on your cheek, holding your face to him, while the other made miracles on your nipple.

He pulled away and placed his forehead on yours. Both of his hands rested on your face and you exchanged air. You watched his eyes close as he struggled to catch his breath. He swallowed a lot and you knew he was trying to control himself. His eyes opened and you felt trapped in the want and love that resided in them. There was lust, plea, and something else. He opened his mouth to say something and shut it back up. You're breathing heavily, anticipating his words, and then finally, he spoke.

"Somto, I love you. I really do. The thought of you consumes me so much that it actually hurts. I can't function without you; you're invading my thoughts."

Your heartbeat could be featured as drums in punk rock. He kissed you, and by Aphrodite, you couldn't form a thought that didn't involve sex. Romance authors should see you; you finally found your prince charming. He unclasped your bra and you whisper his name.

"Samson."

His hand was out from your shirt and resting on your waist. He brushed his lips against yours.

"I need you. Please, don't make me stop."

How many times have you read those words wishing they'd be said to you? Like the million characters you've read about, you gave your book worthy reply.

"I don't want you to."

Your shirt came off as did his. Soon, you were going at it like cavemen. Not on the table, goodness no, Samson couldn't afford to replace it if you ended up breaking it. On his small bed, you gave yourself to him. Funny, the romance books didn't mention that he would cut all forms of connections from you. Maybe they did and you didn't read that part. You were confused and hurt, even more, when you found out it was all a bet and he didn't know his mother. He grew up in an orphanage.

Your self-esteem gave way for insecurity. There had to be something wrong with you. Maybe a curse that made people want to hurt and abandon you. There was no sunshine in your world and gloom and darkness lead you on. You couldn't trust anyone. You faked and pretended your way through it all. at school, premarital hell was condemned. At church, you were announced a candidate of hell. At home, your mother condemned the girls whose stories came out. You could barely breathe.

You're sitting in the dining room and everywhere is packed. Your mom's friends and their kids have arrived. You're watching them talk and exchange pleasantries. The girls in your age grade are sitting close to you at the dining table chatting, but you don't join in. You have your eyes on your siblings, both boys, watching them play host. They're talking with boys and flirting with girls and being cute with kids. One of the girls says the younger boy, the one you're older than, is cute. You say nothing, you smile. You don't tell her he has plans to be a priest because something about people didn't work well with him. The glass of orange juice feels like royalty as you pay it all your attention.

You hear your name and you find your mother and her best friend beckoning for you. You walk over to them, a fake smile in place. Your mother tells you he's here. She points to the young man standing with your older brother. Your mother hands you a mirror and you stare at your twenty-three-year-old face and wonder when the pimples showed up.

Your mother hurries you to him, her and her friend dishing out instructions. You catch only one.

"Be yourself. Nduka doesn't like pretenders."

As you make your way to him, you know Nduka isn't going to love you so much. You search your head for who you truly are. You push past your demons and personalities and you find her sitting by the corner, her knees to her chest, her hands wrapped tightly around her knees. She's crying and hoping the walls she had built won't crumble. She doesn't want to get hurt again. Your brother smiles as you reach them.

As he introduces you to Nduka, you reach for your charming personality and slip it on. Your brother comes up with an excuse and leave. You see your mothers grinning.

"I'm Nduka," he says even though you just been introduced. You flash him a smile and shake his outstretched hand.

"I'm Somto."

When your hands connect, you see her raise her head. Your personalities are thrilled as they rush around prepping to be slipped on. She shakes her head furiously and your personalities are asking her to shut it. She's refusing the idea of him and in your head, you hear her recite her mantra about how she can't take another hurt. You tell her you understand. She doesn't have to worry.

Nduka smiles at you and you smile back. You already know this is a fruitless venture, this wasn't going to lead anywhere. As Nduka tells you the reason you haven't been seeing him around was that he was abroad. You tell her it's okay.

Not today, not ever.