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fatalitysficbakery · 3 years ago

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Hrs and Hrs. (Songfic. ADA!Sonny Carisi x Black AFAB Detective!Reader)

Genre: Fluffy/Smut.

Warnings: Talks of Incest, Abuse, and Pedophilia. None just sleepy fluffy smut and sweet aftercare. Slight Breeding Kink.

Synopsis: After stressful jobs sometimes all you and your husband Carisi need is each other. To take care of one another.

❤︎ Heaven’s Baked Goods (Masterlist) ❤︎

It was stressful, your jobs were those that not many could stomach. Seeing such violence against kids, women, minorities, etc. It was a struggle but you had each other’s backs. You and Sonny. That was until he became an ADA, you saw him a lot less but he’d be there when you guys had a case for him and you couldn’t deny how amazing he looked in his suits. You’d been married for a year now, meeting while working as SVU Detectives, at first you were sure he was crushing on Rollins until figuring out she was helping him plan to ask you out and helping you both sneak around until you were both ready to go through the whole fiasco of telling Benson. When you did it went better than you thought it would, although Benson and the team confessed that they knew something was up in the first place. Sonny couldn’t hide his love for you well.

Nowadays, it was a struggle for either of you to come home without crashing into bed and cuddling to sleep instantly. No date nights, no sex, you desperately missed your husband and he missed you. Sometimes in his office, he’d watch your wedding tapes and reminisce. You looked so goddamned gorgeous that night, you knocked the air out of Sonny’s lungs. He couldn’t stop telling you how gorgeous you were all night, your first dance spent with him whispering sweetly in your ear about how much he loved and adored you, how beautiful you are. That night, he made love to you until the morning arrived all while whispering sweet nothings about your beauty, how he could barely control himself, along with those beautiful grunts, groans, and absolutely delicious moans that were so uniquely his. It was magical.

—————————��—————————————

“I don’t usually this, but, uh. Can I sang to you? Yeah Yeah”.

You loved the days Benson sent you and Dodds to go get warrants from Carisi, a chance to see him while working was always an opportunity to get a kiss or two before going back to busting perps. Dodds always knew to stay in the car while you went up, being a family man himself he understood the need for at least a moment of intimacy. He was an amazing partner, and trusted you deeply so he knew you could do it alone. Knocking on the door, a grin big on your face, faltering a little when you saw the state of your husband. Shoulders tensed, forehead creased, and brows furrowed. He looked so stressed, it made your heart clench.

“Hey, Son. I, uh, came to get the dna warrant for the Lillard case” You spoked meekly, softly, not wanting to irritate or startle him. His head looked up from the pile of paper on his desk, eyes immediately softening when he saw you. He’d known you’d be coming soon so the warrant was already there for you but what he really needed was a hug, a kiss, just to see your face. You saw that familiar look on his face, it was one of need. Not for sex but for affection. You knew it well because it was reflected on your own face. Stressed, working a case about incest, abuse, and pedophilia. An 11-year-old who’d disclosed that it was her brothers baby but with how protective the parents were and how easily they’d pinned it on the boy and a new disclosure that it was the fathers baby. You had finally had enough to get DNA warrants to prove that the baby was either the fathers or the sons.

“Yours, Mines, Ours. I could do this for hours. Sit and talk to you for hours”.

“Doll, ya look beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous”. Sonny spoke complimenting you as if he hadn’t watched you get dressed this morning. His voice had always been a favorite of yours. Smokey and a little raspy but this time exhaustion lie underneath. You could hear it in his voice, he desperately needed a break and a lot of hugs and kisses. Maybe even a massage. You wrap your arms around his neck and smile weakly, “You look good too, Risi. A little tired though”. pecking his lips, he sighs in relief feeling your touch, being this close to you. He missed it.

“I am…These cases are wearing me thin. I’ve seen more CP than I’d like to admit and my heart is breaking for these families, Doll. I’m ready for the day to be over wi-” You cut him off, shushing him. Carisi sighed, leaning his head on your shoulder. You simply held him, patted his back before you knew you had to go. Looking into his eyes, you fell in love all over again, he was your king.

“I’m sorry I have to go, love but…I’ll see you at home. I hope we can at least eat before we both pass out”. You giggled and stood on your tiptoes, pressing your lips to his for once last kiss before leaving.

———————————————————————

“I wanna give you your flowers, and some champagne showers”.

When you got home that night, you were tired but your main concern was Sonny. You loved him deeply and wanted to do something sweet for him, something special. After cooking dinner; Lobster, Steak, Steamed Brocoli, and Potatoes. You lit some candles in the bathroom near the bathtub. You had also made a fruit platter and two bottles of champagne. Tonight would be all about him. You didn’t dress up sexily or anything, you know he enjoyed when you wore his clothing so you put on one of his shirts and a pair of thigh high socks that ended just above your knee, showing a bit of a thigh peeking from the shirt and your socks. He was in love with your thighs.

When he came through the door that night, he wasn’t expecting to see you in the kitchen, fixing two plates for dinner, moving around the kitchen looking effortlessly beautiful in his t-shirt, his eyes immediately trailed down to your ass and legs. Sonny was a gentleman but he was still a man, and seeing his woman setting the table, her ass just barely poking out from under his shirt. He felt more awake than he had before arriving home. You spun around to see him and ran up to him immediately, squeaking. Dropping his briefcase, he catches you, spinning you around, a chuckle bubbling in his throat.

“What’s all this, Amore”? You wrapped your limbs around him, clinging tightly. He didn’t mind, his love language was reassurance, touch, and affection. To him this was the best welcome home he could’ve asked for. To be hugged by you, inhaling your perfume while you kissed every available part of his skin that you could find. His smile could get no bigger.

“I just thought that you deserved to come home to something special. Tonight’s all about you, Son. C’mon let’s eat”.

The last thing on Sonny’s mind was food but he digressed.

“Order Shrimp and Lobster towers, but it’s me that gets devoured”.

———————————————————————

When dinner was over, you ran a bath for you and Sonny and Sonny was enjoying the view of you bent over the tub, removing his suit and tie before joining you in the bathroom. You flinched a bit when you stood up and felt him behind you, about to scold him when he started placing sweet kisses down your neck, whispering just like he did on your wedding night, “Thank ya, Doll. Truly, doing this for me…Ya didn’t have to at all”. you shook your head, turning to face him, you caressed his cheek and pecked his lips twice.

“You deserve this, big dope. I’d do it daily if I could”. You were sweet, loving, but he could see it in your face. The stress and tiredness. You could both use a little TLC and he intended to make this night about not one but both of you. In his eyes you deserved this more than anyone. You were the strongest person he knew, “Ya’know…No one deserves this quite like you do, Pet”. when he said the name, that familiar pooling in your stomach happened, but you let nothing on. Didn’t react, just hugged him before pulling away and moving to get undressed. No big surprise that Carisi watched you the entire time, nearly forgetting to take off his own boxers in the process.

“Ouu, When you do what you do. I’m empowered. You give me a superpower. Together the world could be ours”.

The entire bath was spent with you reveling in each other’s company, you bathed one another, washed each other’s hair and just sat there, soaked, and talked to one another. Conversation dwindled down into sweet kisses, which turned into Carisi groping all over your body yet in the most tender ways. Suddenly, You were both out of the tub and Carisi was carrying you into the bedroom, lying you down gently, he crawls in beside you, kissing up your shoulder. Usually your sex was rough, sometimes it was love-making but tonight it was different. Both were exhausted and overworked. You needed something quick, slow, sleepy. Just needing each other’s touch .

“You sit me up on the counter. Instantly it’s thunder showers, storming for a couple hours. When we’re finished take a shower”.

Your back against his chest, him sliding into you slowly, unprotected since you were ovulating and you’d been trying for a kid for months now. The first slow pump woke you up a little more, your body now focused on the new sense of pleasure it was getting. He took his time, holding you against him and pressing kisses to your hair, he grunts softly, “God, ya feel so good, Doll. I missed this, fucking into you. Feeling ya grip me so good…You’re perfect for me. So perfect”.

“I could do this for hours and hours and hours x8”.

Sonny was most definitely vocal in bed, his hips rolled deeply into you and with each thrust a moan dripped from either of your lips, grunts and groans coming from him occasionally. You always swelled with pride knowing you could make Sonny feel so good. One of his hands moves to your nipple rolling it between his fingers while the other came up to rest on your throat lightly, “Fuck, Son. I missed you inside me like this… Fuck a baby into me, Counselor”.

“Usually I don’t like nobody, and when I say nobody I mean nobody. All these niggas full of shit, You just a homie once they hit. I felt like giving up on love…These niggas almost made me quit”.

Sonny absolutely loved being called Counselor by you in bed. Sometimes when you called him counselor on the job, he had to restrain himself from dragging you away, being reminded of you moaning it while underneath him or tied up, against the wall, etc. His pace sped up slightly, you were both on the edge after not having sex for awhile. The hand that was on your nipples moved to your clit and whispered in your ear, feeling you clench around and your body tensing up, “Ya gonna cum, Doll? C’mon, cum for me, Puppy”.

“Then I met you, When I met you. I knewww this was it. I’d never been in love like this”.

Lights blinding, your eyes squeezed shut, your legs quivered with the force of your orgasm, your chest rose and fell quickly and Carisi loved every second of your moaning and you coming undone on his cock, “F-fuck. I can barely move, Princess. Yuh doing such a good job for me, Doll. So. Fuckin’. Good”. he grunted, growling deep in his chest as he orgasmed, releasing his seed deep into your cunt, “Gonna fuckin’ impregnate ya. Ya hear me? Gonna Fuck my baby into that pretty little pussy”.

It was as if he’d been pent up for years, load after load of cum filled you to the brim, spilling out onto the bed. When he finally stopped, you’d came again.

———————————————————————

“A love like ours, I pray for it on my knees. Every night for some hours, and hours, and hours. x4”

Soon after, he’d gotten up and got a towel to clean up while you lie there in bed, smiling. Carisi really was the perfect lover. The perfect gentleman and absolutely amazing in bed. When he came back, he was smiling. He was not only holding a towel but some snacks and drinks. You rolled your eyes playfully and sat up, blushing when you felt his cum leak out of you which in turn made him smirk.

“Hey, Doll. I brought a a warm wet rag and snacks. We’re gonna watch Encanto while we fall asleep, sound good”? He smiled gently, crawling into bed with you, kissing your lips he uses the wet cloth to clean you up before wiping himself off and bringing you into his arms.

“I love you, Son”.

You said quietly as he turned on the movie. He sighed in content, he’d needed this. You’d needed this. A special moment between the two of you. Perfect.

“I love you more, Amore”.

“What’s yours is mine, and ours, and yours, mine, and ours”.

———————————————————————

“I could sit and talk to you for hours, Sit and look at you for hours, Making love to you for hours. Laying on your chest for hours, Tellin’ you jokes for hours, Holdin’ you close for hours and hours and hours”.

A week or two after your encounter with Risi, you were feeling sick, puking, and thought it might be time to take a test. Carisi stood by you waiting for the time to go down so you could see if it finally worked.

“Fuck, I’m sweating. I really hope it worked this time, Baby. We’ve been trying so hard”. You sat on the countertop, Sonny standing between your legs, his arms resting on your shoulders. He had to admit, he was nervous too. He’d always dreamed of being a father and he wanted it more now that he was with you.

“We’ll try again if it didn’t, Doll. Promise ya. Gives me a chance and an excuse to keep fucking my wife into our mattress”. He nibbled at your ear, grinning hearing you giggle and push him away teasingly. The timer startled you both when it went off, grabbing it you looked at Carisi with nervousness in your eyes, picking up the tests. You looked at your husband one last time before looking down at the tests. You saw two lines one and the other simply said ‘pregnant’.

Looking up from the tests, you stared at him is disbelief, simply muttering a small, “We’re pregnant”. Those two words set off a sugar rush in Sonny, he picked you up and spun you around, laughing at your squeals and giggles before finally putting you down. Leaning down to press a sweet kiss to your lips, happiness shone on his face, a healthy glow on yours.

“We’re gonna be parents, Belleza…We’re gonna be parents”.

Staring into each other’s eyes, you both realized you’d finally achieved happiness and you decided there and then that you could be with him for hours and hours and never grow tired of his prescience.

“Hours and hours and hours…”

———————————————————————

A/N: Lazy little scenario because Sonny deserves the absolute best.

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olderjustneverwiser · 7 years ago

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Start Again (Sonny Carisi)

Hey look who actually worked on a request she’s had sitting in her inbox for probably a year. When inspiration hits, I suppose.

Masterlist

Request for anon: Can you possibly write a Sonny imagine where you’ve been working together for a while and you moved to New York to get a fresh start and get away from a really bad ex who caused a lot of problems and he somehow tracks you down at the precinct and then Sonny gets super dominant and protective of you and then ends up admitting to all of his sweet, gushy feelings for you once your ex finally leaves? *Unrelated, i’ve gotta say, you’re one of the best writers i’ve seen on here so far:)*

While I don’t agree with you, I thank you for the nice compliment! Enjoy!

gif is very relevant

You had many reasons for leaving your small Southern town and moving to New York City. You craved the rush of big city life; the constant hustle and bustle, the city lights at night, and the plethora of different people and cultures you were destined to be exposed to. It had been a dream of yours for years, to pack up your life, move far away, and find out once and for all if you could hack it in a place like San Francisco, Seattle, or New York. Still, over the years you came up with excuse after excuse to stay in your hometown; your comfort zone.

In all honesty, you were terrified. Not about the so-called “dangers” of living in a city like Manhattan or Oakland, but you were scared of not making it once you were there. You knew you were a good detective, the number of closed cases under your belt was proof, but could you handle a big city? Were you good enough to handle that challenge? You wondered if you could ever make yourself do it. To take the plunge and go for the one thing you had always wanted. You finally got the push you needed a little over six months ago.

You really thought you were going to marry him one day. He was kind, and thoughtful, and giving at the beginning. He bought you things and made you feel beautiful, but after two years, you were finally starting to see what kind of man he really was. Manipulative, mentally and emotionally abusive. He was used to getting what he wanted, including other women, while he was still dating you. After finally convincing yourself that you deserved better, you began actively looking for openings in a few of your favorite cities, and after countless phone interviews, Lieutenant Olivia Benson with the Manhattan Special Victims Unit offered you a place in her crew.

You decided to only tell a few select people that you were leaving; you didn’t have many close friends to begin with and you made the few you did tell promise not to tell Him where you were going. You packed all of your belongings in a single day, not wanting to waste anytime, and only two after you were offered your new job, you were off, leaving your ex-boyfriend a note telling him that you were leaving. No more, no less.

After being with the SVU for about four months, you were just starting to feel like one of the team. Benson was fearless and expected a lot from her crew, but she was a hell of a detective. Finn never failed to make you laugh, and you and Rollins quickly became close, the two of you bonding over being from the South. As cliche as it sounded, Mike was more like a brother to you, and you enjoyed spending time with him, (although, you admit you did have the smallest crush on him when you first arrived.) And then, there was Sonny.

Sonny was your partner, but he had become your closest friend in the city. It was hard not to become good friends; the two of you spent a lot of time together on the job, but you and Sonny just clicked. Whether it was going out for drinks after a tough case or hanging out at his apartment while he cooked for you, you always had a good time with one another. There was no pressure, no expectations. Just two friends enjoying one another, for the most part.

You would have had to been blind to think Sonny was unattractive. His killer dimples and bright blue eyes were hard to miss, and you found yourself admiring his forearms when he rolled up his sleeves in the bullpen. You believed that he thought the same of you, you had caught Sonny staring a few times. Neither of you acted on it, though. You knew sleeping with a co-worker would not be the smartest idea, and you were still raw from your break-up. Sonny knew about your ex, and being the gentleman that he was, he never brought up the two of you being anything more.

You had just finished your paperwork for the day and was shrugging on your coat, finally able to go home and relax. Walking over to Sonny’s desk, you noticed he still had a stack of unfinished work.

“Sonny, it’s almost eight. Why don’t you finish that tomorrow?” He set his pen down and leaned back in his chair at your question.

“I don’t know, I wanna finish tonight. Might take a break in a bit though, get some food.”

“Do you want some help? You’ll be here another hour or two at least,” you didn’t want to stay, but you hated to think of him here all night.

He chuckled and shook his head, “Like I’d ask you to stay. I’m good, really. Have a good night.”

“Yeah, you too,” you made your way out of the office. In the elevator you thought about dinner, if you wanted to cook yourself a meal or just pick up something on the way home. You didn’t necessarily feel like cooking, and on your way out the door of the precinct you decided to just stop at Shake Shack. Quickly making your way down the steps, you heard a familiar voice call your name, making you stop in your tracks.

You knew who was behind you, but you were almost afraid to turn around. How the hell had he found you? In a city of almost nine million people, how did he know that this was where you were? Better yet, how had he known that you were in New York? Slowly you turned around, finding yourself face-to-face with your ex, fearing what he would have to say.

“How did you find me here?” You tried your hardest to keep your voice level, when all you wanted to do was run. You were not going to give him the satisfaction of letting him know he made you nervous.

“Easy,” he answered. “I knew you wanted to move somewhere different. And I know you love New York. Once I figured that out, a quick google search and a few calls were all I needed.”

“Oh, so you stalked me? That’s healthy.” Reminding yourself to stay calm, you hadn’t noticed that he had backed you up against the wall outside of the precinct. Now you were scared, but still, you tried not to let it show, “I have a gun, you know.”

He laughed smugly, “You won’t hurt me with that. Now, it’s time to come home with me. We can go to my hotel and talk.”

“I don’t think so. Now let me leave, or I can arrest you,” you tried once again to move past him, but he had both arms on either side of you. You stared into his eyes, not backing down, only taking note of your surroundings when he was pulled off of you. Sonny had grabbed him by his shirt and shoved him next to you against the wall.

“The hell you think you’re doin’, huh?” Sonny still had his hands on your ex, giving him a look he normally saved for suspects during an interrogation. For the first time since you’d known him, your ex looked genuinely scared. Sonny turned to you suddenly, his eyes softening, “You okay?”

“Yeah Sonny, this is my ex.”

“What, is Long Island here your new boyfriend?” your ex asked from his place against the brick, causing Sonny to shove him harder.

“You shouldn’t be talkin’ right now, you piece of crap. Now, I could arrest you for harassment, and if I wanted to I could add in assault to that, but let’s make a deal. Go home and leave her alone, and I won’t slap a restraining order against you. Got it?”

“Yeah, yeah. I get it,” he responded.

“Good, because I’m serious,” Sonny said, “if I see your face anywhere near her, her apartment building, or this building, I’ll lock you up so fast your head’s gonna spin. And another thing, I’m from Staten Island, you moron. Now get outta here,” with a final shove Sonny let him go. Giving you a nasty look, your ex finally started walking the other way. You closed your eyes and let out a breath, and you felt Sonny’s hand on your shoulder.

“You sure you’re alright?” He asked.

You nodded your head, “Yeah, he just startled me. I’m glad you were here. What were you doing out here anyway?”

“I took a break to get some dinner. Right after you walked out, I thought about askin’ if you wanted to come with me, but then I saw you and him out here.”

“Ahh,” you didn’t know what else to say. The two of you stood in silence for a moment, until Sonny decided to break it.

“Hey, so, um, this probably isn’t the best time to say this, but there’s no time like the present right?” He laughed at his own comment before frowning and shaking his head. “That was a dumb thing to say, sorry. Uh, look, I like you. I’ve kinda liked you for a while but I didn’t say anythin’ because I knew you had just gotten out of a relationship, and we’re partners anyway so I didn’t want things to be weird between us, but I do really like you. And I’ve been wonderin’ if you’d go on a date with me some time?”

You were stunned and you felt your heart swell. You figured Sonny found you attractive, but you had no idea about his feelings for you.

“You know, there may be rules about co-workers being together.” you said quietly, causing Sonny to look down at the cement in defeat. You smiled, “But I think I’d be willing to skate around the rules for you.”

Sonny looked up at your last comment, his eyes shining. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, Sonny. Do you want to go on that date now? I’m starving and I think your paperwork can wait until the morning.”

He smiled and nodded, and you swore you could see the faintest blush on his cheeks. “Italian okay? There’s a place a few blocks from here that serves the best cannelloni in all five boroughs.”

#no this doesn't mean I'll accept requests again #sonny carisi #sonny carisi imagine #sonny carisi fic #sonny carisi x reader #svu #special victims unit #law and order svu #law and order special victims unit #dominick carisi #dominick carisi fic

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sommertagshimmelblau · 7 years ago

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The Last Christmas?

Dear @butihavejoy, I wish you a merry Christmas. This is my gift for you.

Sonny Carisi x Rafael Barba

Ca. 2500 words

No warnings

It's been a while since Rafael had thought about that time of his life when he had been in love with a tall, lanky detective. But right now as he walked into the 16th precinct and the desk where this man used to sit was empty, it hit Rafael. The memories came in flashbacks and he could see them clearly.

He remembered. He remembered when they started dating. After months and months of flirting and uncertainty, Sonny finally had asked him out. Rafael couldn't say no. The two men went on dates, to Sonny's favorite Italian restaurant, to Rafael's favorite bar. Soon they got closer. They fell in love. Everytime they were together they felt like they belonged.

One time Sonny had invited Rafel over to his sister's house so he got to know the Carisi family. Rafael was welcomed by them. They loved and accepted him as if he was their son, their brother, their uncle.

When he first visited the family, Sonny's mother had put their photoalbum on the kitchen counter and shown pictures of Sonny to Rafael. He couldn't keep himself from laughing. Little Sonny looked to cute, cuter than ever with his blond wavy hair and a pair of glasses. Sonny blushed when Rafael laughed.

"Wow. You look so cute in your superman pyjamas", said Rafael and kissed Sonny on the cheek.

Sonny was more than happy that his family finally accepted him and Rafael. It had been more than two decades ago when Sonny realized that the attraction he felt wasn't exclusively to women. Teenage Sonny had feelings for his best friend Matt who lived across the street. Whenever they played soccer on the street, whenever they played tag in the garden, whenever Sonny touched Matt, he was electrified. Sonny couldn't help himself. Everytime they touched he wanted nothing more than to kiss Matt.

It was that time when Sonny struggled most with his orientation. He couldn't warp his head around liking Lydia from school and Matt from across the street. Sonny just didn't know what to do. He even thought about killing himself. Very often. That was when he started going to church more often. Every week he went to the youth group, to mass. It helped him to at least get rid of the thoughts about killing himself. The priest had literally saved Sonny's life. He never asked what it was that Sonny'd struggled with, he only had told that suffering teenage boy that he didn't have to tell him about his troubles, but that the Lord loved him endlessly and unconditionally. The suicide thoughts were gone, but still Sonny felt so guilty and wrong. He would pray every night that god would take his burden away.

He would cry himself to sleep every night until one night when his sister Bella came to look after him. She sat down on the bed next to him and asked him what was going on. Sonny lost it and told her everything. How we was in love with Lydia in 6th grade and now with Matt. How his heart pounded faster when Matt touched him, how he felt the urge to kiss him, how these feelings wouldn't go away, how he didn't want to live anymore. Bella lied down next to him, holding him tight. She told him that it was going to be okay and that Sonny did nothing wrong and how she thought Matt was pretty cute. They would laugh. Sonny was relieved that he finally told someone. He would tell the rest of his family when there would a man to bring home.

When Rafael entered the precinct, Sonny avoided to look at him. It hurt too much. They had just broken up. Now he had to see the man he loved and who broke his heart and whose heart he broke. They just couldn't be together, at least that's what they had agreed on after they had a fight one night. They had fought about being together in public, about work, about telling the squad. But they knew that their love affair could get the two of them in trouble. They could get fired. Cases could be compromised. So they broke it off. But still Rafael sent Sonny messages telling him he missed him, calling him every now and then oh so casually. Telling him he wanted to see him. They broke up months ago, but still he stayed in touch with Sonny. Sonny didn't know whether he was fine with Rafael's attempts of reconciliation.

When Rafael left Benson's office he went to Sonny's desk.

"Nice to see you, detective," he said, trying to sound genuine.

Sonny looked up from the case files.

"Hey, counselor," he replied, brows furrowed as he tried to figure out what way this conversation was going.

"I still have your stuff," Rafael whispered, "I took it with me to the DA's office this morning. Can you please pick it up tonight?"

"Okay," Sonny stated, trying to sound like he didn't care, and looked back down at the files.

Rafael stood there next to him a few more seconds before he said: "Great."

Then he turned around and left.

"So much for reconciliation," Sonny whispered to himself. He had hoped that they would find a way back, but now with Rafael telling him to pick up his stuff, there was no chance anymore.

"Carisi," yelled Amanda.

Sonny jerked.

"What is it?", he asked, looking at her with wide eyes.

Amanda shook her head.

"I called you five times, but you didn't answer."

"I'm sorry."

She stood up and sat down on the chair next to Sonny.

"Everything alright? You seem a little distracted," she told him.

Sonny shrugged his shoulders.

"It's got something to do with Barba, doesn't it?", asked Amanda.

She was his best friend and she knew him by now. He could try to lie to her, but there was no use, so he nodded.

"Something wrong? You two avoid each other like the bubonic plague."

"More like everything wrong," he answered.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Yeah, but not now, not here."

Sonny stood up, grabbed his coat and left the precinct. He had to get some fresh air. He felt horrible. He wasn't over the heart break. When he had to see Rafael he felt like dying. His heart pounded fast. His legs were shaking. He felt dizzy. Hot and cold at the same time. He loved Rafael. Oh Lord, he really loved him. More than he had ever loved anyone. Neither Matt nor all the other girls he had been dating, the girl he knew from work who moved to LA, that journalist who screwed him over, they had meant nothing when it came to Rafael. For the first time in his life he had felt true love, unconditional love.

Sonny remembered that night in September when he was almost shot to death. He was so afraid of dying, of losing Rafael. And Rafael came to visit him in the hospital. He sat down next to him and held Sonny in his arms. Sonny cried oceans of tears. It was the first time Rafael ever saw him cry. They held each other and Rafael promised to take care of Sonny and he had told him he loved him for the first time that night.

Rafael left the precinct and went back to his office. Snow started to fall. The first snow of the year. Snow. Suddenly Rafael remembered. He remembered wearing his red scarf that he had left at Bella's house last year. He wore it when he and Sonny went to the Christmas market last year.

They had just decided to be together last december. They were so in love. One night after work Sonny had asked Rafael to go the Christmas market with him. Rafael remembered it. That night. Christmas music was playing from the the small huts which were beautifully decorated. They took a stroll through the narrow alleys. It felt like a bath of Christmas-y warmth. Wandering through the alleys, looking at all the arts and crafts, smelling gingerbread with this man next to him.

"Hey Rafi, would you like a glühwein?", asked Sonny when they came by the glühwein hut. Rafael smiled.

"Sure."

Sonny bought some glühwein for the two of them, then they went to one of the tables, stood there with their cups and smiled at each other like fools. They were so in love.

"I'm happy to be here with you. This really means a lot to me", Rafael told him. Sonny nodded.

"I know."

Christmas had never meant anything good to Rafael. When he was a child, Christmas had been a time his abusive father made not enjoyable. He remembered how his mother and gradmother fought about his father. His abuela wanted her to leave him, but how she wasn't ready to give up on that horrible man. Rafael remembered how his mostly absent and abusive father managed to make everyone cry. He didn't want to think about these Christmases anymore. He only wanted to look forward to the wonderful Carisi Christmases that the future had in store.

If only he had known that there weren't multiple Christmases. He went back to the DA's office.

"Hi Mr. Barba," Carmen said when he entered his office, "you got a few calls while you were gone. One from Lisa Hassler about that child abuse case. She asked me to tell you to call her back, please."

Rafael froze for a second. The last time he was on a case with Hassler as defense attorney was when Sonny had shadowed him in order to prepare for the bar exam. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His heart hurt. It seemed like everything was reminding him of the break-up today.

"I'll call her back. Thank you, Carmen."

He went to his office and poured himself some scotch. He sat down and lost himself in his work. He tried to push the thoughts of Sonny away.

Sonny took a look at his watch. It was 7 pm. Time for him to go to Rafael's office to pick up his stuff. He didn't want to go there. If he went to the office zo pick up his things, it would mean that they were over. Everything they had, their love, their hopes, their dreams, would be crushed. Sonny didn't want to go. Every nerve ending of his body was tingling. He was alarmed.

But he had to go to Rafael now. He took a cab to the DA's office, got on the elevator, walked up to Rafael's door and knocked.

"Come on in", Rafael yelled.

Sonny opened the door. His heart pounding like crazy.

"Hey, it's me", he said.

Rafael looked up from his files. Sonny couldn't read the expression on his face. He stood there in front of the man he loved more than life and who was about to let everything end. Sonny knew that they made this decision together. They both had decided to break up, but now that it got real, Sonny didn't know if he wanted to break up anymore.

Rafael stood up to grab Sonny's box.

"Rafael, are you sure?", heard Sonny himself ask.

Rafael turned around, putting down the box.

"Dominick", replied Rafael - he always called Sonny by his given name when he was upset or wanted to distance himself- , "We agreed on this together. We talked this through so many times."

Sonny stared at him with furrowed brow, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"I know, but I am asking you if this really is what you want, Rafael."

"Sonny", sighed Rafael.

"I know what we agreed on, believe me. I know that we cannot be seen together. I know that you could loose your job. I know that I could loose mine. I know that we are a secret. But", Sonny paused and took a deep breath, "what else I know is that I love you, Rafael Barba. I love you more than I ever loved anyone. I love you, Rafael. Please."

Rafael stood there, his mouth open. He slowly closed the distance between him and Sonny. Then he kissed Sonny, first slowly then hungrily. He kissed him and it felt like their first and their last kiss at the same time. The two men held each other close. Closer than they had ever been.

Rafael broke the kiss. "I know", he said, "I know. I love you, too."

Rafael's big green eyes fixed Sonny's ocean blue ones. Sonny pressed a kiss onto Rafael's forehead.

"Rafi, why do we have to do this?", asked Sonny, "Why do we have to break up?"

Rafael put his head on Sonny's shoulder, still holding him close.

"You know why. We can't risk our jobs. They're our lives", he whispered into Sonny's ear.

Sonny felt tears rolling down his cheeks.

"So we're over", he stated, his voice barely a whisper.

He took a step back from Rafael, grabbed the box and without saying a word he left. Rafael stood in his office looking at the closing door and started to cry. They both loved each other, but they just couldn't be together. An ADA and a SVU detective just couldn't be together. All the cases they had worked on could be compromised. Rafael had already almost lost his job because of Ashtonja Abreu and now his love affair with the tall lanky SVU detective could cause him to loose his job for good.

Weeks had passed since their break-up. They avoided each other at work. Sonny tried not to be at the precinct when Rafael came by, he didn't go to court anymore. He needed time and distance.One night Sonny went home to his empty apartment. He sat down on his couch and stared out of the window. Snow was falling and he realized it was Christmas eve.

"That's one hell of a Christmas", he whispered to himself. He turned on the tv, grabbed a beer and watched stupid Christmas movies. His family had gone to Georgia to visit Gina and his new old money fiancé and to celebrate Christmas with them, but Sonny had to work this Christmas since he lived alone and didn't have kids. He took an oath to protect and that oath and rapists didn't care about Christmas. So set there alone and tried to push the thought of Rafael away.

It was already 12am when someone knocked on his apartment door. He walked to the door and opened it. It was Rafael who was standing there. He smiled.

"I told the DA and Liv about us. They say it's alright. I might have to go back to Brooklyn, but we can be together, that's all that matters."

Rafael looked so happy. Sonny took him in arms.

"Oh my god, Rafi. That's the best Christmas gift I've ever received."

"I love you, Sonny Carisi. I just wanna spend every single Christmas that is yet to come with you."

"I love you, Rafael Barba", said Sonny and kissed Rafael.

#svu secret santa #barisi #barisi fic #christmas

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