#cant draw stuff for myself i just wanna draw him. partly bc of him but also bc that's where i made all my friends with you guys :(
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risingsunresistance · 2 years ago
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#aaaaaaugh dude I MISS HIM i dont know what to say that hasnt already been said#but posting is so hard talking about him is so hard#every day i wait for his youtube to post a new video or for the technodad account to be like 'LOL YOU NERDS ACTUALLY FELL FOR IT'#he was just playing a long-con prank and It'll Be Fine and he just wanted to distract us while he worked on some new insane project#how am i still fully in denial 5 months later. it's almost been half a year#i cant watch his videos anymore. it was easy the 1st week and then it was impossible then it was easy again now it's impossible again#drawing in general is hard bc he was all i was drawing. he still is but im drawing WAY less and with pretty much no passion behind it#cant draw stuff for myself i just wanna draw him. partly bc of him but also bc that's where i made all my friends with you guys :(#i dont wanna go back to what i used to do. i wanna stay here. but it's really hard#i know i dont *have* to make my own posts and i can just reblog and ramble n stuff but. it feels weird not to#i save all my favorite things here. there's still clips i havent taken. art i havent made. fics i've never wrote (and never will lol)#i dont WANT to stop. it's hard to force myself to get back into it tho. there's no easy way to talk about him#it feels borderline unhealthy trying to keep it up#but i keep going into swings of ''i love it here so much i love you guys'' and ''i cant keep going im not strong enough''#so like. which is it. what's REALLY wrong??? i wish i could just go back to how things were aaaaa#idk what i mean by that really. just wish i could find some normalcy in it all whatever that would mean for me#idk if my issue is Him Being Dead or trying to run a blog for a guy who died. some combination. some secret third thing. augh#chat#tw death
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reineyday · 4 years ago
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some feelings abt touya and bnha 302 in general! (long post)
jesus this whooooole chapter makes me so so so sad for touya, like he's canonically a crier and i just have all these images now of him crying off to the side while enji looks at his other kids and gives them the time of day. knowing that he was/is a frustrated crier makes the fact that dabi cant cry cuz of his burned tear ducts that much sadder ohhman
one of the things i cant get over is how touya was SO shunned by his dad that when he went to go tell enji about his fire turning from red to blue, he says "i might be as awesome as shouto sooner or later!" like?? this boy is 13 and shouto is 5 yet he's talking like the brother that's eight years younger than him is better than him and thar it's just a fact. the sky is blue, enji wants to beat all might one day, and shouto is better than the rest of his siblings. nevermind that he's only five and just wants to play with his siblings (and dont even mention to me how shouto says he wants to play with "touya and them" cuz im gonna fucking cry abt it. like even though touya's accepted he's bottom of the ladder in this family, shouto clearly wants some sort of acknowledgement from his older siblings and especially his older brother. IM FVCKN SOBBN). enji has made it clear in this family that shouto was what he was looking for and everyone else is not as important, and i knew this from shouto's pov but it's kinda wild to see it implied so casually in touya's words.
"you'll be glad you created me! i just know it!" HOLY SHIT. god my heart. oh my fuck. literally all enji had to do was show up to the fucking mountain, and he couldnt even do that? what the hell?? your son asks you to go to the mountain, you tell your wife not to let him go traim but she said she couldnt stop him, and instead of going yourself to make sure he's okay and BECAUSE HE ASKED YOU TO COME (and with an actually valid reason, no less! fire changing colour is kind of a big fucking deal!!!) you just?? let him go and let him stay there??? my god the amount of times touya must have burned himself and the trees with tears in his eyes. ahhhHHH!!!
what kills me (and touya too soon?) was that we thought before the back story started that enji forced touya to train till he burned up. then when 290 came out--and definitely after 301--we thought maybe touya overtrained himself and burned up. and sure, he was definitely overtraining, but to find out that the burns that "killed" him started just bc he was crying so much he lost control and didnt know how to ease up on his flames? he was upset and literally trying to get himself to stop crying, and then he just set himself aflame and burned up cuz of all his emotions??? that HURTS. holy fuck.
i cant believe natsuo's feeling lowkey guilty for not socking enji in the face like he wasnt EIGHT???? and let's be real, enji woukdnt have fucking listened to natsuo telling him to talk to touya--he already wasnt listening when touya would straight up say "look at me" and when even rei said touya just wanted enji to look at him and notice him. listen, i know sometimes miscommunications happen in families and children are embarrassed to admit they want attention and so their parents remain unaware that theyre not giving their kid something they want, but touya was as clear as can be on MANY occasions, and even rei agreed touya needed the attention and enji just wasnt listening.
also i know there was discourse abt touya being sexist by telling natsu that "the women in this house are good for nothing" and mb it was partly diff translations cuz i feel like saying "this house" makes it specific to rei and yumi instead of all women everywhere, but even disregarding that--i think it's a valid thought for him to have when rei wasnt standing up for him (where he could see, at least) and yumi admitted herself that she was too scared to interfere and so just tried to fix things and keep appearances. i feel like based on what touya's seen from them, it makes sense that he has that opinion. (also gonna mention that i think rei's and yumi's choices also make sense and i think they were valid, seeing as how they were afraid as well.)
and poor natsu being woken up in the middle of the night (what was implied to be often enough, esp cuz it seemed they share a room and their futons are close) bc of touya's pain. that's a lot of emotional responsibility for an eight year old, and it is also so sad that at 13, touya didnt have anyone else to turn to but his kid brother. at 13, i remember being fully aware of the distinction in maturity between an 8 year old and myself, and it sucks that touya couldnt go to anyone but a younger child with all his pain. i bet yumi being too scared to interfere translated to touya as "she wouldnt help me" and thats another reason he didnt go to the 2nd oldest when he needed to vent. (also not related to this but how the FUCK was natsuo so tall at 8 years old? wh a t)
this chapter. this fucking chapter. my heart aches for touya, and it's just such a huge fucking shame he didnt get the attention and validation and support he needed. there must have been workarounds so that touya could safely use his quirk. there weere DEFINITELY better ways to support your son through a self-destructive quirk, ways that involved actually being there and seeing him. i feel like if someone showed him the attention he needed and talked him through how to better control his emotions (and by extension, his flames) and a positive and healthy way, he could have been someone so great. and if he ever learned how to set aside the way he felt infefior to shouto and saw that shouto just wanted to play with his cool older siblings, it might have been really beneficial to see that there was someone there who thinks he's cool and gave him attention just bc he was an older brother, who needed him when everyone else in the househild didnt seem to need him.
and lastly, the fact that the chapter ends with rei saying that shouto is the family hero and that shouto will have to face dabi?? and it makes me angry that shouto has to take on that responsibility. that he was five and suffering for things he wasnt even a part of, couldnt be properly aware of, bc he was so young. he just saw that he was separated from his siblings and that his dad bullied his mom, then grew up shouldering enji's heavy goals and high expectations and abusive training alongside the barely-there memories of his older brother who died (i say barely there bc if natsu didnt even know shouto liked cold soba, shouto was definitely not around enough to have solid memories of touya before he "died"), and now he has to do the emotional labour of fighting his villain brother (who i bet shouto lowkey empathizes with when he thinks abt it late at night) as well as suffer the physical consequences of that agni kai. and it makes me angry that he has to do that, bc he's a Good Guy and he probably feels he has some sort of filial and familial responsibility. he's only 16. he just wanted to play with touya and them, and now he has to deal with this horse shit dabi's causing cuz his dad's an emotionally neglecting asshat who couldnt see past his dumb fucking ego until he saw shouto play with a bunch of kids during shou's remedial exam a decade after his eldest son burned himself to death. what the fuckety fuck.
lastly, since we saw touya burn uo the way he did... did he really just like... burn so much his jaw fell off, and that's how they found the jawbone? cuz holy hot (BURNING too soon???) damn that must have been painful as all hell. i wonder if next chapter we get to see if someone found touya at the park and helped him out and sorted out the jaw bone thing, or if we finally get to see if deku wakes up lol.
anyways this chapter hurt my heart big time, and i kinda wanna draw kid touya crying while being overlooked by his family to let out some of those feelings but we'll see.
and i still stand by my idealistic and naively optimistic hope that dabi gets redeemed and they soend some actually time together as a family (without enji. or at least, with an enji that has apologized to touya in seiza. like, forehead-to-floor apologize.)
does this hope sort out how dabi redeems himself, seeing as how he's murdered people in cold blood and shouldnt be excused for that bc those actions are also inarguably terrible? no. not sure how he could redeem himself for that kinda stuff honestly, but it doesnt mean i dont still somehow want the todoroki sibs to get along, cuz im weak for mending families.
also id like to send a huge kudos out into the world to rei todoroki for being firm for once and for also not running away from her mistakes like her asshole husband has been. i really admire and respect that. she was afraid and being abused, but now that she's been away from enji and has had time to heal, now that her and shouto are in the mend and she's seen that her eldest son is alive and a villain, she's a place where she can acknowledge that even though she was a victim too, she played a part in touya's emotional neglect and she's taking responsibility and that speaks to some incredible fucking strength. damn.
i hope one day that dabi realizes the same in regards to his mother and natsuo, who shouldered a lot of his emotional pain and suffered the consequences of his outbursts (even though his emotions are valid and his outbursts understandable, he still hurt rei and put a lot of pressure on natsu), and i also hope he sees that for all that he hates his father, his whole existence revolves around enji and it's a shitty place to be (and then he'll have ANGST abt it and that shit will be!! so good!!!)
yeah i think those were all my feelings. i had so many lol. their family situation is so difficult, i hope they all turn out okay and alive and healing.
oh i guess i also wanted to say that i kept calling enji an asshat and asshole cuz he was for sure, but i still think his redemption is valid and im glad he's taking those steps to be a better person by being a better father. i dont know if id want his family to forgive him for all that horrible shit he put them through (im personally hoping that no matter what anyone else does, natsuo will choose to to cooperate in the healing of his family as a unit but will never forgive enji) but i think it's good of people to try to be better than they were yesterday regardless of whether or not they get forgiveness. i dont personally like enji, but i dont hate that he's getting a redemption. i just hope it's a redemption that makes sense and forces him to put in the work, and isnt something like a death sacrifice for shouto or dabi. i want him to be alive and i want his redemption process to hurt like a fucking bitch while he forces himself to make better choices and be a better person, cuz redemption isnt supposed to be easy in the slightest. i GUESS all the crying he did in 302 was a good start.
anyways, if for some reason you read all the way down to the bottom--hello! and thanks for reading haha. cheers! :)))
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moons-and-stars-and-shit · 4 years ago
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Hii! May i ask for a slice of cake? (If you can ofc)
So im a INFP-T virgo im also 4"11 i have dark brown hair it because wayy lighter near the sun. Also dark brown eyes my hair is cut kinda like a shag like the front is cut but the back isn't (bc of my parents) my style is grunge ig? Im very inlove with fairy style Smm but because im broke i cant really fulfil my love for that style (also probably because of my parents). My body is???? Okay my boobies are medium size and no unfortunately I don't have a fat ass 😕 im not chubby but at the same time im not skinny. Like the most fat goes to my tummy I get rolls when I sit down bath blah you get my point (im pretty insecure about it lolol). One of my two main dreams is to study abroad and become an interior decorator.
I dont know how to describe my personality but I will try. My best friend always tells me that my sense of humour is downhill BAD. I would laugh at the dumbest shit ever for example i laughed one of those pixilated bugs pics with random names on the bottom 💀 also I laugh at my own trauma and stuff that shouldn't be laughed at. I kinda have anger issues 😕 I get unmotivated pretty easily. I rant to my best friend alot and she says that im ✨depressed✨ and have ✨anxiety✨ and that i need therapy. Im scared to rant to my parents because im "too young and its just my hormones". Something that I found out about myself this year is i have chill tics 😦 (from anxiety). Outside im nice and sweet but on the inside my mind is just saying other things. Im SOMETIMES cold and say what's on my mind but thats to my close ones like my mom dad or friends. I dont lie going Outside alot I think school is kinda useless. I like to draw and listen to music my fav artist are mother mother and mitski.
I hope i didn't say TOO much anyway thank youu I hope you have/had a great day :)
🍰 for @shotosimp2
Romantic Matchup
Oikawa Tooru
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How yall met
Ok im ngl
Y'all had know clue who each other were
Well that's a lie
Of course you knew who Oikawa was
But you just didn't care
Now Oikawa always saw you around school
You know...in the school uniform
But one day
He saw you outside of school in all of your grunge glory
And apart of him was like bitch wtf
And the other was like ok queen i see you 😗
So he approached you and complimented your outfit
And you said thanks and then ran off to wherever you were heading
Wait
You just said thanks???
No fan girling????
Not even a blush??????
Nothing????????????
OIKAWA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING
Ok he would understand that reaction if you were just a stranger on the street
But you went to school with him?
So you had to know who he was right?
Yeah my mans had a whole ass crisis because you didn't have a bigger reaction
The next day he went to Iwa and told him about his interaction with you
And he was just like not everyone was to like you ya know
Oikawa: >:o
Then Iwa had a brilliant idea
Get this
Maybe
Oikawa should BEFRIEND you before expecting you to want to talk to him
Wild theory I know
So now Oikawa had a new goal
Befriending you
It actually wasn't that hard since you both had a lot of classes together
Soon enough you guys became close friends
And oikawa was happy with just being your friend
At least...he thought he was
But everything changed when you told him you were going to study abroad for 3 months
And even though you had each others numbers
Everything without you just seemed so dull
Omg
Did he really have feelings for you?
The more time that passed by the more he was sure that he liked you
Like LIKED liked you
So the day you came back to Japan is when he confessed to you
And well you'd be lying if you said you hadn't caught feelings for him too
So you said yes
What they love about you
He loves how normal you treat him
Now hell admit when he first met you he kinda wanted you to treat him like a celebrity
Expected it even
But the more time he spent around you
The more he realized how much he liked being treated normally
Ok screw what your friend says
He loves your humor!
Yall will laugh at the dumbest shit
If we were to look at you and Oikawa's messages
85% of it would be dumb ass memes
And honestly
This boy makes jokes about his trauma too
“Hey Y/N you wanna hear a joke?”
“Sure”
“My existence”
“...”
“...”
“Ayyyyy”
“Ayyyyy”
He loves how easy it is to talk to you
Like he's told you things he hasn't even told Iwa before
And Iwa is his CHILDHOOD BESTIE
So yeah
Trust between you two
ASTRONOMICAL
What you love about them
You love how supportive he is
If you say you wanna do something
He is right behind you cheering you on
You could tell him you want to commit arson
And he'd just be like
Period queen ill bring the gasoline 💅
You can always count on this man to be in your corner
Speaking of
You can always count on oikawa period
Which is another thing that you love about him
If oikawa is anything
He is a man of his word
If he says hes gonna do something
You know he's gonna do it
He's just overall a really reliable person
You love how he just seems to motivate you to do better
Fr after you guys started dating your grades went
Partly because you felt like you needed to compete with him
But mostly because he just motivates and pushes you to do better
And if you do improve on something
He is HYPING you up
“That's my baby! I knew you could do it!”
Favorite things to do together
Yall love to just go to the store and window shop
Im sorry but yall are some broke hoes
So most of the time it's just you guys trying on clothes in the dressing room
Taking pictures of your outfits
Then leaving
Yeah the store employees kinda hate you…
But who cares what they think
And if you two do have some pocket cash you'll buy one or two things
Then blow the rest of your money on that good mall food
Cause why not
Random Hc
He makes fun of your guys height difference ALL THE TIME
But like, can you blame him????
You're not even 5 feet tall!!!
“Imagine being the size of a 10 year old, couldn't be me”
Imagine being taller than the national average height 😐, couldn't be me”
“Touche”
He let you dress him up as an E-Boy ONCE
Ngl tho he dug the eyeliner look 😗
He called you every day while you were studying abroad
He even sent you a oikawa plushie
You may or may not have sent him a video of you drowning it
When you came back to Japan he legit TACKLED you in the middle of the airport
Astrology
Virgo + Cancer
Compatibility 80%
Cancer and Virgo can have a wonderful connection and are usually brought together by sexual understanding.
The main problem of their relationship is in the possible conflict between emotional Cancer and reasonable Virgo.
If they manage to overcome this, accepting each other’s shortcomings and learning to incorporate some rationality or some emotion into their lives, they could end up in an inspiring relationship that will last for a very long time.
In a way, they complement each other as much as the heart complements the mind.
If they share a spark of love, it would be a shame to miss the opportunity for happiness just because of someone’s irrational expectations or someone’s closed heart.
If someone can help Virgo build their trust, it is their Cancer partner.
Although Cancer is a cardinal sign, they are stable by nature, especially when it comes to emotional decisions they have made.
If they have chosen Virgo to be their loving partner, they will have no reason to lie or cheat.
This behavior would only endanger their vision of a shared life and a loving family they want with the partner they chose.
This is also a reason why Cancer won’t have an initial problem with trusting Virgo.
Their convictions are stronger than their doubt.
Overall Aesthetic
Grunge Glamour ✨
Songs -
Tia tamera (Doja Cat)
Verbratem (mother mother
Literal Legend (Ayesha Erotica)
Hayloft (mother mother)
Stupid (ashnikko)
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