#can't stand his silly ass smh !!

[celestialrealms]

😭😭😭

[boxwinebaddie]

heeeeello party people!~ super bacteria uncle nina here using my silly tumblr to cope again ( my culture came back and it was...suuuuper fucking bad! like i knew it would be, lol! awesome! <3 thanks, god! )

but we're not thinking about, what were gonna think about is the time that ravenstan got a little Too tipsy topsy turvy on jerseyky boxwine,

( it's the cab sav one, fyi. i can't drink on all these Fucknut Antibiotics - they prescribed me the wrong one and i took it, if you can believe it; i luv doctors - can y'all believe i did this shit Sober? unREAL, brohs! )

and was on tiktok live, the dawn spawns of the world convinced him to do the 'White Boy Of The Month' filter bc he's too impressionable and what can i say;

The Man LOVES White Boys. ;) xxx

( helpsksdj )

so, he started doing it and was like 'nooooo, is /KYLE/ on this one?!?! You're Joking.' ( everyone said 'JK <3' because they all think they're jimmy valmer stand-up sit-down comedians, smh...but no, naught joking, Actually JK bc in my ncau-niverse, cd and the blondies gang are celebrities, so naturally they’re on A Lot of social filters )

so he was GOING to save The No.1 slot...for the no.1 slut ( if you will, ) my ginger gringo king, ceo of dark academic debauchery and bottom feeding ;), new jay's finest - literally - kyley b matthew broflovski; <33 ( buuuut! he's a reformed manhoe; so watchya mowtH! )

buuuuut x2 ( and i'd say it's a big butt, but it's not, it's ravenstan, so it's flatter than the sidewalk; luh you flat stanley ) Gaydhd Won Again and tipsy ravenstan got distracted by all the FINE ASS WHITE MEN and started getting philosophical about it ( that man put a lil too much #thot into those placings; he was born for it, soz )

had about two spots left ( the top and bottom spots; i am laughing ) figured that there was almost 'No Chance!' he would get jersey...

PUT /MATTHEW! GRAY! GUBLER!/ AT ONE ( Immaculate Taste, btw! he also put jacob elordi at number two because he is a fucking genius and that...really tells you Everything you need to know about my stan. like tall, could probably be a runway model, intellectual, kind of a jackass, stays fitted, accent or eccentric manner of speaking...yeah )

-- BUT HE WANTED TO BE CLEAR, HE HAD TO SPECIFY THAT HE WAS SPECIFICALLY REFERRING TO /DR. SPENCER REID/ OF CRIMINAL MINDS. WHEN I TELL YOU HE HAS NO IDEA WHO MGG IS BUT HE HAS SEEN EVERY EPISODE OF CRIMINAL MINDS SEVERAL TIMES. IT’S LIKE...HIS /FAVORITE/ FKN SHOW. AND HE DOES HAVE A FAT CRUSH ON REID. YES, I DOES TRACK; I KNOW. )

and RIGHT when he was rolling for the very last spot ranking on the filter ( that's the BOTTOM, i repeat, THE B/O/T/T/O/M of the tierlist )

...hE GOT KYLE

FUCKING

BROFLOVSKI

and had to place him at /TEN/.

-- riiiiiiight as Kyle /FUCKING/ Broflovski came out of the kitchen in the dorky ass star of david apron that sheila got him for hannukah, with his hair up and everything, holding a fork so stan could taste...

...T-THE PASTA HE JUST MADE HIM FOR DINNER BECAUSE HE'S A SWEET BEAUTIFUL /ANGEL/....and i'm talking The Very First Bite Of EXTREMELY DELICIOUS KYLE Pasta that he put ZUCCHINI IN JUST FOR STAN BECAUSE HE IS ( what? ) AN ANGEL!! FROM hEAVEN!!!!! AND THE WHITE BOY OF THE /YEAR/: TAKE YA JERSEY SLANDER SOMEWHERE ELSE: HE'S MY WHITE BUOY UVF FOREVA!

...proceeded to Blow On It ;-;, s-so stan wouldn't burn his mouth... ( bc rav always gets too excited and burns his mouth; nooo :c </3 ) and asked him why his phone was blowing up w/ people tagging him in thirst traps of 'That Supa Nerdy Guy From That One Crime Show' and asking him if stan tweeted something about him cooking bc people keep telling him that he's 'Cooked'. SHKDLDHLKS HEEELP.

And....

*rawr xd home mid/hschooled ravenstan vc*

Scene. <3

[strawberrysohn]

omg pls some xiaojun smut 😵‍💫

man i am doing this just for you because xiaojun makes me 😵‍💫 like he bias wrecks me so bad it's not even funny 🥴 thinking of making him my second wayv bias but anyway, i hope you enjoy <33333

warnings // little to no plot, xiaojun is a tease but you love it, established relationship, rough sex, sex on a couch, usage of the word slut, reader is a bit too loud while the members are home smh

xiaojun x female reader

---------------------

"come on just this once," your boyfriend pleads as you walk straight past him to get the food ready.

"no," you quickly shake your head, setting the timer on the oven. "you make weird shit. i don't want a repeat of last time."

xiaojun crosses his arms over his chest, following around the kitchen area like a lost dog. "you don't even know what happened last time because you weren't here."

"xiao, baby," you turn to face him for a moment to emphasize your point more. "i got like a hundred texts from yangyang telling me that he was so glad that we were together because that meant that i could save their asses from having to eat anymore of your food."

as your boyfriend pouts, you begin preparing the meal that had already been approved by the boys. you knew it was one of xiaojun's favorites too, but he was too stubborn and grouchy to admit it.

you put the dish in the oven, humming to yourself, and your boyfriend watches as you do so. he can't help but admire your ass when you bend, your thin yoga pants not leaving much to the imagination.

he bites his lip as you stand up straight again, not knowing what to do now. his attempts at getting you to let him cook instead had failed, and now he needed a way to get in your pants without any of the members walking in or hearing anything.

"you know," he starts, sliding over to you, who scrolled through your phone, elbows rested on the counter, not daring to glance at the boy beside you. "yangyang and ten are both sleeping, kun and winwin are still out, lucas is still playing his game, and hendery is downstairs."

"i'm glad you know the whereabouts of your band mates, jun," you reply, still not bothering to look up. "what's your point?"

"my point is," he continues, moving to stand directly behind you, his hot breath on the back of your neck. “we basically have the whole place to ourselves.”

your eyes widen at his closeness and you blush when you get his hint. “you’ve gotta be kidding me.” you try to cover your flustered state with one of resentment instead.

“what?” the male looks at you, pressing himself even closer against you, allowing you to feel exactly how eager he was. “you’re telling me no?”

you gulp and bite your lip as you sit your phone down on the counter. “xiao dejun, you are not getting to fuck me on the kitchen counter.”

your boyfriend frowns. “well you’re no fun,” he pouts playfully and you giggle, booping his nose.

“maybe next time,” you tell him. “let’s go watch something while the food cooks, yeah?” you grab his hand and lead him over to the sofa in the main room.

you’re ten minutes into grey’s anatomy and xiaojun is done. as much as he loved watching your favorite shows and movies with you, you couldn’t have asked at a worse time. even though you politely declined his offer of a quick fuck, he was still as turned on and needy as before.

then he got an idea.

xiaojun leans in to plant what starts off as a soft kiss to your cheek, making you blush and giggle. “watch the show, silly,” you mumble to him, who ignores your words and moves his mouth done from your cheek to your neck.

he sucks at the skin of your neck, your eyelids fluttering at the pleasurable feeling. “x-xiaojun, what are you doing?” you stumble on your words, your vision getting blurry from the pleasure.

“well, you said i wasn’t going to fuck you on the counter,” his lips part from your neck to speak. “so i’m gonna fuck you on the couch instead.”

your eyes widen at his direct words. you simply nod your head, feeling a stirring in your stomach.

he smirks as he looks at you, his fingers finding the waistband of your leggings. “let me take these off for you, babe.” he hums as you lift your hips so he can slide both your leggings and panties down with ease.

“lay down,” he tells you, watching with that mischievous look in his eyes as you lower yourself to lay on the couch, staring up at him with need in your eyes. “good girl.” 

you watch eagerly as your boyfriend pulls off his sweatpants, revealing that he was in fact not wearing underwear underneath. the sight makes you drool.

for a moment, you slip back into reality. “what if someone comes in?” you bite your lip nervously before shaking your head. “it’s too risky, jun.” “come on, y/n,” xiaojun pouts. “you really wanna pass up on all this?” he gestures at himself in a cocky manner.

never wanting to give him the satisfaction, you shrug. “you’re meh,” you respond, watching as xiaojun’s face changes.

“ah, really?” he raises a brow at you. you nod confidently. your boyfriend hums and nods back at you, with a suspicious look on his face. “that’s not what you said last night.”

you blush and roll your eyes. “whatever, just,” you sigh, giving in finally. “don’t make so much noise.”

xiaojun scoffs. “i don’t think i’m the one you’ll have to worry about along those lines,” he chuckles before aligning his hardened length with your aching core. “i could tell you the same thing.” he pushes himself into you without a warning and you gasp, your eyes widening at the sudden stretch.

“a little warning would be nice,” you groan as he starts to move at a steady rhythm. you tug your bottom lip under your top one as you try desperately to stay quiet.

xiaojun lets out small, harsh breaths as he thrusts into you at a harder and faster pace. “fuck, y/n,” he groans, leaning his head back before looking back down at you who stares back up at him with need. “so tight still and i just fucked you yesterday.”

his crude words send you spiraling as you roll your eyes back slightly, accidently letting a small moan emit from your throat. you partly wished he wasn’t so good at this so you could stay quiet. but the other half of you was glad he was so good at this so you could let the world know how good he was making you feel.

“dejun,” you moan out his name, feeling his hips snap into yours even harder than before. “dejun, more, please!” you plea, a little louder than you wanted to.

your boyfriend picks one of your legs up and places it on his shoulder, allowing him to fuck you at a new, deeper angle. “like this, hm?” he asks you, knowing you wouldn’t be able to respond.

“fuck, yes,” you try to bite your lip to keep yourself quiet again but to no avail. “it’s s-so good,” you stumble on your words as his cock rams into you at an impossible speed. 

xiaojun grips your hips so roughly you were sure you’d be bruised there later. he leans down to place his lips by your ear so he could whisper to you. “at least i know how to be quiet,” he speaks in a low toned whisper, making you shiver. “unlike some people,” he smirks at you, who only whimpers as his hips keep their harsh rhythm.

“wasn’t it you who told me to keep it down and now look at you, barely able to keep your mouth shut,” he hisses, eyes darkening as your noises get louder. “guess you’re just too much of a slut for me to care, huh?”

you nod your head, your hands gripping at his arms with a death grip. 

“use your words, darling, you know you can,” he hums, waiting to hear what he wanted to hear. you usually wouldn’t give in that easy but he just felt so good, you couldn’t resist.

“fuck, yes, jun,” you finally open your mouth again. “i-i’m a slut for you.” you pant out, feeling that familiar knot in your stomach.

xiaojun chuckles darkly at your response, rolling his hips just so to make you **almost** scream.

“fuck!” you whisper yell as you release all over his length, your nails digging into the skin of his arm. the intensity of your orgasm triggers his and he releases after you.

“oh, fuck, babe,” he groans as his cum spills into you (you were on the pill no worries). “fuck, you’re so perfect.” he pants heavily as he stares down you, who pants equally as heavy.

“i love you, dejun.” you mumble as he pulls out of you and lays beside you, pulling the throw blanket over yourselves.

your boyfriend smiles warmly, planting a soft kiss on the bridge of your nose. “i love you too, y/n.”

...

“...are y’all done fucking now?”

“yangyang!”

--

sorry this took so long :,) i hope it’s good or better than you wanted :) <33