#can't decide if it should be post-dragon/post-series-neki or dadneki

[harleyquilt]

Finding Solace - Part 1 (Kingneki x Touka ficlet)

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Touka looks around the dilapidated room – brown stains run down the exposed, concrete walls, and the iron bars that make up the room's entrance are coated in rust. The one piece of furniture in the room, save for the unusable toilet bolted into the wall, is a rather sad-looking cot. Sitting down on it, the wire hooks that hold up the yellowed fabric creak loudly. Kaneki watches Touka, wringing his hands together.

“It's not ideal, I know.” He begins, looking around the room. “There weren't many options to pick from.”

Touka smiles. “Stop worrying, idiot. I really don't mind.”

She pats the bed, signalling him to sit beside her. He nods weakly, and taking a seat, he sinks slowly backwards into the cot, falling back against the wall. Touka chuckles and shuffles herself back so that she is sitting by his side, and settling, she hooks her arm through his. They stay like this for a while, Touka feeling the tension in Kaneki's body slowly unravel until he slumps against her, his head on top of hers. 

“Are you sure this is okay?” He asks, murmuring. Touka squeezes his arm in turn.

“Of course it is.” Touka shuts her eyes, moving her hand down to his and lacing their fingers together. “I used to live in this ward, remember? At least we have a roof over our heads.” 

Silence follows, his hands squeezing hers. He turns his head slightly, his lips brushing against her temple. It's a strangely soothing sensation. 

“What was that time like for you?” Kaneki asks. “Could you tell me about it?”

Touka is not sure what to say at first, her eyes opening. Memories run through her mind, like a rush of cold water, robbing her of her warmth. She pulls away and she can see the worry in Kaneki's eyes. She smiles and pulls his hand to her lap, holding it between hers. 

“I don’t have any good memories of those times.” She says, searching the torrent that are her childhood memories. “Even the better moments weren’t all that nice. It was very tense, especially for two orphan kids. Some of the other ghouls would show us pity, others would try to take advantage of our weakness. For most, though, they were too busy trying to survive to worry about two more runts. Me and Ayato only had each other to depend on.” 

Kaneki listens intently, looking almost pained at her words. Touka hesitates and wonders if she should leave it there, having never been one to dwell on the past. She saw no use in doing so, wanting instead to move on and focus on what's in front of her. It would only hinder her if she were to slip now, allowing herself to be consumed with the sorrow that made up her childhood. But now that she has returned to the 24th ward, she can feel those memories seeping back seamlessly into her mind, as if no time has passed at all. 

Holding Kaneki’s hand, Touka quietly reassures herself that she is not the same child she was all those years ago. Even so, there remains a notable sadness in her voice as she continues to speak.

“It’s not as if it was an uncommon upbringing for ghouls.” She sighs. “I guess that was one of the only comforts I could find during that time – that we weren’t entirely alone in our suffering. I’m not sure if that makes sense.”

Kaneki brings her hand up to his lips, kissing her palm, and pressing it against his cheek. “I promise, I’ll bring an end to this war as soon as I can.” He keeps his eyes on hers, steady and uncompromising. “I won’t let you go through all that pain again.”

Her cheeks feel warm and with a tut, she pinches and pulls his cheek. “Idiot.” She mutters. “What’s with you?”

“Touka-chan…” He whines, holding her wrist. “It hurts.”

“Idiot.”

She lets go and crosses her arms. He rubs his cheek, but smiles, a gentle, genuine smile that leaves her heart fluttering. It was this shameless kindness that reached her back in the days of Anteiku, drawing her out of the darkness that overshadowed her day-to-day life. At that time, she could hardly imagine life in any other way; for ghouls, everything is temporary, to the extent that stability was never a certainty. Even in the face of relative peace, she knew everything could and can fall apart in an instance. 

Life remains uncertain, more so now than ever before. Yet, Kaneki continues to find his way back to her side, and in doing so, Touka can continue hoping that one day, some day, they'll find the peace they desperately crave.

A smile creeps onto her lips and she reaches forward, wrapping her arms around Kaneki's neck and throwing herself onto him. He yelps and falls back against the bed, the wires rattling against the metal frame, and he holds Touka's waist while she leans up, their face inches apart.

“T-Touka-chan…” Kaneki says, his voice almost a whisper. 

“I love you.” She confesses, breathlessly. Touka kisses him – a light, gentle kiss. 

His eyes widen momentarily and he smiles, kissing her back. As he moves his lips slowly over hers, his hands move slowly up her body and reaches under her shirt, his hands cool against her warm skin. Pulling away, he sighs against her lips and shuts his eyes, holding her tightly against him. 

“I love you too, Touka-chan.” He kisses her nose and then her cheek, prompting a small, embarrassed giggle from her. “Can you tell me more about your childhood?”