#cahir is also poggers but he is like her brother and dandelion is poggers but he's not skilled in the kill so there we are
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listening to my regis angouleme playlist at 2 am
#i laugh at how they're alike and then i remember. I REMEMBER why this dynamic fucks me up so badly#i believe that regis' personal hell is when innocent people are suffering and he cannot do anything to stop it#watching angouleme struggle and immediately being taken back to actual centuries ago of his own suffering.#and being compelled to protect her and heal her but it is not so simple as a physical wound which can be sewn and healed...#but angouleme looking back to her past with anguish like missing when she was a child and the world wasn't completely out to get her#if i could go back to a time before now before i ever fell down go back to a time when i was just a little girl...#when i had the whole world gently wrapped around me... and no good thing could be taken away.................#but. seeing regis' example makes her fucking realize. that the past is past and cannot be returned to and she must press on into the future#but that she has actual power to decide how her life develops. she can CHOOSE to live. because when geralt found her she begged for death#when she is interrogated and then yells 'you promised (...) hang me damn it!'#literally her GOAL was to die. the two options for her future were extremely painful evil death and painful quick death#but now she realizes she can continue living. and has to decide what she will do with that life#and not just that but that she's not amongst peers like her who are equally lost and in turmoil. ok the rest of the hansa ARE lost and#they are in turmoil admittedly but they are adults at fucking least and can shield her -_-#ok i do have a bone to pick with sapkowski a little bit because she is adamant about being safe in geralt's presence but#consider how much time geralt is actually spending around the palace and how much he is out doing monster hunts ok. because cahir says#that he's busy and you can't really get ahold of him to speak with him. so i think that it's way more plausible for angouleme to#feel safe and protected in the WHOLE hansa's presence. you know. milva and regis are pretty poggers so... i mean...#cahir is also poggers but he is like her brother and dandelion is poggers but he's not skilled in the kill so there we are#not to use blood & wine rhetoric but 'don't fuck with me i have the power of a higher vampire on my side' 'wait you--' 'AAAAAHH'#txt
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