#caeli's adhd thoughts

[caeli0306]

hi everyone. the last few days have been extremely difficult for me. covering tragedies is the worst part of my job, but when that tragedy is caused by gun violence, its a million times worse. many people no longer trust the media (some of those criticisms are valid, others not so much) but i would highly encourage everyone to read about the psychological impacts many journalists have to deal with when they cover horrific events. we have to absorb the trauma of so many people without letting it affect us, and thats not an easy thing to do (at times, its not even a reasonable expectation). i don’t like getting personal on here, bc i want to maintain a degree of anonymity since im a public adjacent figure in real life that a lot of people know, but please support your local journalists. they do so much for so little, and get conflated with the bad actors at national TV stations and publications. and please keep all the journalists covering really hard things in your thoughts. anyways, personal thoughts are done, back to writing fanfics 🫡

[caeli0306]

hi! im still alive! i graduated from college on friday and im taking a short break from the internet while i pack up my apartment and (finally) read ACOTAR! will start writing again in a few days!

[caeli0306]

20 questions for writers tag game!

tagged by @widebrimmedhatsblog and @hockeyspiral23

Total number of AO3 works

Nine!

2. Total AO3 word count

287,489

3. Fandoms I've written for

Empyrean and that's literally it lol

4. Top 5 fics by kudos

Violet Sorrengail's Guide to Spinning a Scandal, castles crumbling, Tales from the Airport Bathroom, Did Someone Say Shots?, and Did Someone Say Vacation?

5. Do I respond to comments?

Yes! Sometimes it takes me longer to get to them, especially if I get a lot within a short period of time, but I always respond to comments.

6. What has the angstiest ending?

definitely the present, the past, and you in between. That was the first one shot I ever wrote and I still get comments of people being iike "bro why did you do that???"

7. What has the happiest ending?

All of my fics (except for the one mentioned above) have happy endings if they're done, more or less! If I had to choose one, I think it would be VSGTSAS.

8. Have I received hate?

Yes, once, but honestly in my line of work I get so much online hate that I just find it funny. I wrote a very sarcastic response and moved on. One of the reasons I love this fandom is because its super positive and accepting, so why dwell on the single outlier I've come across?

9. Do I write smut? And what kind?

Yes, and as of now just Riorgail

10. Do I write crossovers?

Unless you count the Top Gun AU I've been working on a crossover, then no. I think trying to mix worlds and characters would get too confusing for me, so doing an AU based on another world is about the extent for me.

11. Have I ever had a fic stolen?

As far as I know I have not! Hopefully it stays that way.

12. Have I ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have I ever co written a fic?

I have not! I feel like it would be fun though

14. What is my all time favorite ship?

Riorgail. They are my Roman Empire.

15. A WIP I'll never finish?

So I will always maintain that I will finish everything I start, but if there is any story that I think has a chance of not getting finished, it's Swan Song. I haven't had the inspiration to write it for a while, and my backlog just keeps getting longer. I hope I'll get around to finishing it eventually, but it won't be for a long time.

16. Writing strengths?

I've been told that I write angst well, and that I'm good at writing tension between characters. Personally, I think my ability to research (thank you journalism) and write things as close to realistically as I possibly can is my greatest strength. Not kidding when I say I had a 15 page document of job descriptions for senate office staffers that I got from a friend who works on the Hill back when I was working on VSGTSAS and that bad boy was open the entire time I was writing chapter 4.

17. Writing weaknesses?

I think I struggle to describe movement and action in a way that isn't repetitive, and sometimes my writing sounds a bit robotic (thank you journalism). I also think sometimes my sentences can get a bit convoluted.

18. Do I like foreign language dialogue?

I'm not sure - I don't think I've read any fics with that.

19. First fandom I wrote for?

Empyrean!

20. Favorite fic I've written?

This is like asking me to pick a favorite child. I'm going to include Violet Sorrengail's Guide to Spinning a Scandal and castles crumbling because I love them both and they are both my favorite.

I'm tagging @skyfallscotland, @suebswrites, and @witch-and-her-witcher (unsure if any of you have already been tagged!)

[caeli0306]

so ive got good news and bad news. the good news is that i have lots of time to write tn. the bad news is that i have a raging headache and period cramps have decided to make their unholy reappearance. im not saying that i WON’T have the DSSS? sequel up tonight, but i am saying that there’s a possibility that i won’t be able to look at my computer screen long enough to finish it. we’ll see how i’m feeling! i desperately want to write this ending bc its been gnawing at my brain for DAYS now but i might have to call it a night early tn

[caeli0306]

sooooo I can continue writing the next chapter of VSGTSAS or I can start writing chapter 12 of cc. decisions, decisions 🙃

[caeli0306]

so as some of you know, i am a journalist during the daylight hours. today, i unfortunately had to cover an extremely tragic event, and i’ll have to do more tomorrow. for that reason, there will likely not be a castles crumbling update this weekend. i can’t really bring myself to write, and obviously i’m not going to force myself to when i’m not in the right headspace. hope everyone understands 🩵

[caeli0306]

what if… i start writing chapter 8 today instead of unpacking like i should be

[caeli0306]

we are LOCKED. we are LOADED. we have a glass of WINE. we are FINISHING THIS DAMN SEQUEL TODAY.

[caeli0306]

these RY music vibes posts have me absolutely TERRIFIED on onyx storm

[caeli0306]

hi everyone i know i haven’t posted in a few days but im still alive just very very busy! i have been writing just not a lot! hoping to post something either tonight or tomorrow, depending on how much i’m able to write tn. thank you for being patient with me :)

[caeli0306]

fyi the next chapter of VSGTSAS is probably going to come out before chapter 11 of cc because I'm rearranging some plot stuff after I realized by old outline had some holes in it that rly bugged me. I'll finish chapter 11 once I'm done making sure the story is where I want it to be (which will be soon don't worry! maybe by the end of the weekend, depending on how much time I have for writing this week. I'm just about done with the new outline.)

[caeli0306]

i think i might write today. idk. we’ll see.

[caeli0306]

its been TWO AND A HALF MONTHS since I first started writing Tales from the Airport Bathroom which is crazy. where the hell has the time gone lmao it does not feel like its been that long

[caeli0306]

my ao3 drafts just keep freaking multiplying. like I have 5 wips rn, including these three WHEN WILL I FINISH IT ALL

[caeli0306]

i am. exhausted. but my bookshelf is back in business, so life is good :) ill finish unpacking tomorrow AND THEN BESTIES WE’RE TAKING A TRIP TO THE AIRPORT

[caeli0306]

For the writers’ ask game thing (please and thank you!):

❤️🎁👻

———————

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

✨️ Out of the comments you’ve received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites?

👻 What is your wildest headcanon?

✍️ What’s your ideal writing setup?

🚀 Do you like to outline your fic first or create as you go?

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

🏷 Is there a tag you like to search for when looking for fanfics to read?

⏰️ Do you like to post fics on a schedule or at random?

👓 What helps you focus when you write?

💕 What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

🐇 Do you write for yourself, for others, or both?

🥳 Why did you start writing fanfic?

🦋 Which character is your favorite to write?

🦈 Which character is the toughest to write?

🍬 Do you write for multiple fandoms? If yes, what is your favorite fic of yours for each fandom?

🌻 How often do you read your own fics?

📗 Do you want to write something outside of fanfiction? If so, what about?

🎬 If a movie or show were based on your fic, which fic would you choose and who would you fancast?

💭 What inspires you and your writing?

🧪 Do you research for your fics?

😎 What fics do you prefer on a scale of canon compliant to wildly original?

💎 Do you often write about a relationship or focus on an individual?

🔥 Have you included any sexy scenes in your fics? If yes, do you find them easy or difficult to write?

💘 Is it easier to write angst or fluff?

🚦What sort of endings do you prefer to write: ambiguous, bad, happily ever after, etc.?

💡How many WIPs do you currently have?

🔎 Does anyone beta read or edit your fics?

📚 Is there a fanfic or fanfic writer you recommend?

🤩 What led to your interest in the fandom?

🤖 Are non-fandom friends aware that you write fanfic?

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

👑 Do you like writing short fics or long fics?

🎯 Do you have a writing milestone you’re working towards?

🔮 Any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?

🤔 Would you ever want to write something canon if you got the opportunity?

💌 Is there a favorite trope you like to write?

🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

Ooh thanks for asking!

❤️ - This is so hard. A few options b/c I can't choose!

from castles crumbling chapter 2

I want to scream, but I can’t get the air into my lungs. This isn’t fair. If Malek had to take anyone, he should have taken me. Not this innocent child. Not these people celebrating their gods. Me. A murderer. Someone who so long ago lost my humanity that I barely even remember what it felt like to be human.

This line from the present, the past, and you in between:

The war was long, but my life with her has been longer. I used to say that I've lived on borrowed time, and I accepted that my life was destined to be short. Then I began to pray to Malek, begging to borrow more, all to spend with her.

Combined with this line:

I begged Malek for more time, and he gave me too much.

From Did Someone Say Shots?:

Instead, I slept with her when I knew how horrible of an idea it was, and it fucking destroyed me when, in the morning light, she called it a mistake. Look at me, dealing with the consequences of my own actions.

Last but definitely not least, from chapter 6 of castles crumbling:

I laid my old self to rest a long time ago, but he is still there at the wake, trying to make sense of her demise.

🎁 - a lil blurb from an unpublished one shot, if it pleases the court :)

Then Xaden walks into the conference room. He has the kind of presence that makes people shut up and pay attention, and I hate him for it. The chatter that permeated the air dies away instantly, replaced by the silence of worshippers waiting for words from their god on high. I guess Xaden fulfills that role here. Those golden eyes of his find me almost immediately, and I school my expression into a glare. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. That's the message I want him to receive. Instead, he only smirks, and then turns to retrieve a folder from Bodhi, who followed him in. Xaden takes a seat at the head of the long table, sitting as casually as one would in their own living room. He props his elbows on the table, the movement causing the muscles of his arms to bulge under the rolled up sleeves of his black button up shirt. I hate that he looks that good without even trying. I hate that I know what he looks like under that shirt even more. As if sensing that I was thinking about him, about That Night, he meets my eyes again, and his grin this time is downright filthy. "Shall we begin?" he asks. "Sorrengail, you're up. Tell us how you plan to save our asses, and try to make it quick." Oh, fuck him. I plaster on my most fake smile, and stand. Liam gives me a look from where he stands, that basically says Don't do something you'll regret. Luckily for me, I've about expended my regret reserves when it comes to Xaden Riorson. If he wants to be an ass, then fine. I'll be an ass in return. He needs me a whole lot more than I need him.

👻 - IDK if it's a headcanon, but I like to think Xaden sometimes needs assurances that she's not going to leave and that she loves him because he doesn't think he's worthy of her. Not in like, a toxic way, or in the "I need to know you'll be there" way that he brought up in IF, but more every day, like "Hey I'm feeling x right now, and need to hear that my brain is creating scenarios that aren't real." IDK if I'm making any sense.