#c: arkin o'connell

[ambivalenceshefelt]

She leaned in slightly, voice dropping into mock seriousness. "Listen, if we're doing this movie, we're committing." Nikki clapped her hands "I'm talking dramatic snowfall, moody candlelight and at least one scene where you have to stare wistfully out a window in a perfectly tailored coat..maybe even holding a glass of whiskey for extra brooding points while some old Within Temptation or something song plays..." Nikki grinned, crossing her arms. "And don't worry about me, I'll make sure my story credit is nice and bold in the opening." She winked before adding with a smirk "But it'll only work if you actually wear the your 'fuck off' dramatic cape..otherwise, the whole vision falls apart."

Nikki smirked, eyes twinkling with amusement at his confusion about mistletoe. "Oh, please, that's a lie and you know it. You just like brooding under it so people wonder if they should be the one to make a move." she smirked. "Classic tortured leading man behavior, if you ask me." || @arkin-oconnell

“ you had me at cape Nikki. You know I love a ‘fuck off’ dramatic cape “ Arkin mused with a smile as soon as he heard his cousin go even further on their explanation of what this very strange but funny Christmas movie for hallmark where he was possibly the count from Sesame Street at this point? “ I built an entire acting career in being tortured her swoon worthy. Thats one of my few strengths “ he smiled as soon as he glanced back over to Nikki. It was true though, apparently Hollywood liked his whole tortured nihilistic vibe that he kept brining to people. He just sort of had to figure out how to do that professionally without being a disaster and full of drugs. He had to do it as a recovered addict with a newborn. Did Hollywood want that from him? “ you’d get a full story credit. Those checks just sign themselves with ideas like that “ he teased before his smile grew at the mention of Sterling. “ I’m often brooding under mistletoe that time of year. It’s mostly cause I don’t understand it. “

At least his dad had the decency to leave and never come back after the shit he pulled on his family. Arkin wasn’t sure what he felt about his cousins Houdini act. Because before all of that and everything he felt like the guy had it pretty good. Of course Arkin was heavily in his state of addiction back then so he may have missed a lot but he just still could wrap his head around what would possess someone to leave their partner and family in that way. “ I couldn’t do it. There’s always a choice. The choice to not leave your family is kind of a huge one “ he said though was it really his place to say such things? After all, it was only a year ago that Arkin almost left everyone, except his was through his own self destructive habits. Maybe he wasn’t any better? “ you promise ?” He repeated back because without a doubt he’d be there. Possibly with a baby in his arms if it was after his son was born and he needed to give Sterling peace, but he’d still be there. “ oh so now I’m a super hero?” He countered with a smile before letting out a sigh at her comment. “ it’s okay to not be fine too. Just remember that in case “ @ambivalenceshefelt

[ambivalenceshefelt]

Nikki grinned. "Oh, trust me, you could absolutely pull it off. Full cape, fangs, the tortured-yet-swoon-worthy vampire vibe? You'd have every Hallmark fan eating out of the palm of your hand. Fangs for the Memories would be the comeback of the century." She smirked, giving him a teasing look. "And hey, I'd happily take credit for your reinvention as the holiday anti-hero. Imagine it; cozy sweaters for the baker, dramatic black turtlenecks for you. It's a win-win. Plus, I'm pretty sure Sterling would lose her mind seeing you brood under some mistletoe. Just saying..."

Talking about the heavier subject at hand, Nikki's smile softened. She let out a small sigh, running her fingers through her hair. "I get it, Arkin. It's hard to wrap your head around someone just..leaving like that. And trust me, it makes me mad too, more than I like to admit..." She met his gaze, appreciating his protective energy but trying to reassure him. He always kept a subtle eye out for her... "But really, I'm okay. And I mean it —I'll call you if anything changes or if I start spiraling. Promise..." Nikki reached out to give his arm a light squeeze. "Besides..I know you'd fly in wearing a cape and fangs to save the day if I needed you to..." She winked, trying to lighten the mood just a little. "I'm fine." Nikki repeated, almost like a mantra. || @arkin-oconnell

“ like the true meaning of Christmas being like krampus and stuff? Cause I mean it for that idea too ?” He teased not taking too much too serious considering how heavy their other topic was. “ okay okay I like where this one is going. Cause people don’t see me and go cozy Christmas sweater, I would have to be some sort of twist to that holiday fare. I like the idea though. You could make millions with it and be responsible for my comeback “ he teased again, grateful he was able to connect again with his cousin like this.

The more Nikki brought up the more it did frustrate Arkin. He couldn’t imagine leaving Sterling for a night, let alone her and their baby for years. That wasn’t in his own nature to do so the fact his own cousin had done something like that it didn’t sit right with him. The circumstances were muddy but he still felt like he needed the answers. “ honestly that makes me more mad. I don’t understand how someone could just leave their kids and partner. I couldn’t ever do that to Sterling. “ he admitted shaking his head. He paused for a moment and glanced back at Nikki to make sure the words she was saying were the truth. He couldn’t detect a lie but he knew how their family was they were food at concealing things. “ if you’re sure. If things change though you can always call me. I don’t want you sitting on this alone. @ambivalenceshefelt

[ambivalenceshefelt]

Nikki chuckled. "Oh, come on, Ark. You are the twist. The brooding city guy with a tortured soul who learns the true meaning of Christmas? That's so out of left field," she teased, her tone dripping with mock drama. "But hey, if you want to throw Dracula into the mix, I'm not stopping you. Maybe you're a vampire who falls for the small-town vegan baker while trying not to bite her neck. Instant classic." she smirked. "We could call it Fangs for the Memories. Think about i —cozy sweaters, twinkling lights, and just a hint of danger. Honestly, the Hallmark people might eat that up..pun intended."

With a heavy sigh, she leaned her forehead on his shoulder for a few seconds. "I know..." she agreed. "But then I think about Lav and the kids and..that's even more fucked up, you know." Nikki shook her head. Did Lav even know? Screw her and her own drama, Nikki was mostly concerned about the kids... Five years without a father all for him to show up again; Nikki wanted to strangle her brother for this. "I'm not worried about me really..." she admitted. "Sure" she sighed "I'm pissed..and confused and I have some serious questions but..." she trailed off. "I'm not worried about me." she repeated, a little more steadily, looking her cousin in the eyes. || @arkin-oconnell

Arkin listened to her description of the Christmas movie he’d be in and honestly Arkin kind of hated all of the color involved but let Nikki continue. She certainly painted a pretty accurate version of a hallmark Christmas movie. Sure they were all the same but it was clear there was a formula that Nikki had down. “ interesting spin that I get to be the one that falls for the small town person. It’s usually the lady in these movies “ he noted before letting out a sigh. “ i would still prefer it if there was a twist I was Dracula or something “

It was fair to say that the entire revelation had Arkin concerned. It wasn’t everyday something like this happened with your family, or any family that wasn’t caught in a mystery thriller. But Arkins main concern was Nikki. He was the lone boy in a family of women so his sort of protective brother attitude extended to his cousins. He wanted to make sure she’d be okay. “ that doesn’t make any sense “ he replied at hearing her explanation. “ it doesn’t make any seen why he wouldn’t just tell you the circumstances “ he added shaking his head. “ that isn’t fair of him to do. Not after everything you guys have been through. What the hell?” He replied shaking his head again at just how utterly unfair that was to do to family like that. “ he better. Cause he really has some explaining to do. Are you gonna be okay?” @ambivalenceshefelt

[ambivalenceshefelt]

Nikki laughed at his..pretty accurate description of what did sound like a Netflix flick. "I guess my version's more..Hallmark." she played along. "You'd be some Mister Moneybags who goes to a smalltown to make even more money somehow" she squeezed her nose a little, always finding that plot weird "but falls in love with the smalltown girl who has heart and passion and ideas and vision" she said theatrically "that you're lacking but doesn't have money. And just as the world is ready to break you apart..you realize she's everything to you while you're magically holding something that is uniquely on brand for her to have." Nikki laughed holding a finger up. "All while wearing a dark green or bright red sweater cause it's Christmas after all."

She squeezed his arm a little at that; leave it to Arkin to worry about her safety more than the fact that her own brother pretended to be dead for half a decade. It was sweet of him and she honestly loved him for this. "I know you do..." she said softly. Arkin may have had his issues but..there had never been a moment that Nikki ever doubted he cared about her almost as much as he cared about his own sisters. Full disclosure, she often blamed herself and her own issues for not being closer to him..especially when he needed people in his corner. "He...said he's got a lot to explain and that life is shit so people get hurt." Nikki sighed. "But what stuck with me is..he said he didn't have a choice but this. I..don't know how to take that..plus when I woke up he was gone so..I don't even know if he's coming back..which is fucked up and a really sadistic thing to do to his sister, you know..." she huffed out a bitter laugh. || @arkin-oconnell

Nikki’s comment made Arkin laugh a bit. Not that he wouldn’t go work at Netflix or anything like that but the fact that he would be anywhere near a Christmas movies he was an actor and played a million roles unlike himself but even he knew he’d look so out of place in red Christmas sweaters. “ is it a Christmas movie where the girl from the small town comes home and realizes she is still in love with her boyfriend from before but instead of owning a Christmas tree farm he’s Dracula? Cause I’d be in that “ he noted with humor to his voice. “ but I do appreciate the support. Sometimes I feel like there’s nothing to go back to careers wise “

The first sentence that followed had Arkin more alarmed again but for different reasons than previously. “ I’m glad he was actually there. Thats fucking insane but I’m glad he was there. That’s so weird how has he been in town this whole time? “ he questioned before using again. “ hey if I’m anywhere you are and someone starts to be a problem let me know. I kind of hate the first part of that story “ he added offering that he would jump in anything his cousins needed help. “ that’s so weird. I don’t understand it. Honestly I don’t understand any of it. Did he say anything else? Or explain himself? Cause I’d want some damn answers “ he noted. “ are you okay though?” @ambivalenceshefelt

[ambivalenceshefelt]

Nikki nodded slowly, if there was anything she could relate, it'd be trying to make people happy. And maybe..just maybe..Arkin was overcompensating a little bit for past mistakes too. Their family tree was full with those, truth be told... "True" she mused deciding to humor him. "and hey, I may even watch a Netflix Christmas flick if you're in it."

Nikki took a deep breath. "The story doesn't start promisingly but..I was drunk..and some guy dressed as Red Devil was getting a little too close." she started. "And..then Damian was there. And he walked me home, promising he's really here. Alive." Nikki sighed, grabbing her cousin's arm a little tighter. Sue her, she needed the moral support. "I wouldn't really believe it either but..he's caught on my ring camera..and I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do other than stress." This was pretty much why she was telling Arkin too; she needed someone who wouldn't tell on her but also try to offer a hint. If she hadn't freaked him out enough already. || @arkin-oconnell

Arkin felt as though he’d irreparably damaged Eden for what had happened last year. He never wanted to overdose but he especially never wanted to put his sister in a situation where she found him. It was why he was so protective of the media and if they ever got too close to his family. He didn’t want people approaching his little sister about his accident and he didn’t want Sterling to be hassled about him when she was dealing with something so important and fragile like carrying a baby. He didn’t want to be the cause of those he loved getting hurt. “ I’m sure that’s true. I think right now I’m just wanting to make the people in my personal life happy first. And then I’m hoping those fans will still be willing to take a chance on me. I mean after all we’ve all been really excited for Lindsay Lohans comeback. Maybe it won’t be bad for me”

When it came to the whole reveal about her brother though it made things more confusing. What had Nikki meant by what she had said? Because that sounded like it could have been true. “ I mean it’s pretty fucking shocking dude but I’m not like mad at you or anything. I’m just confused “ he explained with shock evident on his face. “ how did you find out about this? What is even going on?” @ambivalenceshefelt

[ambivalenceshefelt]

"I get that." Nikki smiled. She couldn't relate to being famous but she understood his concerns. She pushed her lips together; it had never crossed her mind before how he must feel about all this..the concern of how people would treat his sisters for a picture of them looking upset or sad so they could write a stupid headline blaming him for an imaginary scenario. And now Sterling too... "I mean, you're still have fangrils out there no matter what though."

Chewing on her bottom lip a little, Nikki began stressing out. "Did I dump this too quickly on you?" she asked but knew she most probably did. But then again, how do you tell someone something like this? It wasn't a birds-and-bees conversation you can ease the other into. "I know..it's hard to wrap your head around..and I almost lost mine again. But I had to tell someone!" she whisper-yelled. "I'm sorry" Nikki held up her hands. || @arkin-oconnell

“ I’m not preventing it. I’m just worried. I don’t want anything to happen to her because of my stupid career and reputation “ Arkin admitted. He wanted to be an actor since his teacher in high school helped nurture this flare for the dramatic that he had. He just never really wanted to be famous. Not to the extent that he ended up having the information of his loved ones leaked. He wanted to protect Sterling and their son for as long as he could. He never wanted to be the cause of anything bad. “ I’ve been clean and sober for almost a year. I’m sure people out there stopped caring about what I’m doing “ that wasn’t true. Everyone expected him to make some grand comeback. But he didn’t feel ready yet. Not when Sterling was still pregnant. He needed to be there for her.

Arkin would never judge family. Regardless of how long it had been since he’d seen them. He would never put them in that situation at all. They all had that same dna in them and he knew how hard it was to be them. He offed his head when Nikki began to speak and took everything serious as he listened. It was only her last sentence that had the actor stunned. “ I’m sorry…. What?” @ambivalenceshefelt

[ambivalenceshefelt]

"Hey, let a mother-to-be express her joy!" she chuckled "It's not like the camera vultures aren't going to find out eventually..." If there was one thing everyone in the family knew about Arkin's feelings about his fame, was that he may have wanted his talent recognized but he hated seeing his face on the cover of tabloids or clickbait articles. "You can be off social media but they'll never be off your case, sorry." she said patting his arm a little "You're still a hot topic out there."

She thought about it for a moment, biting her lip. She knew Arkin was going to serve her with straight up honesty and she also knew he wouldn't tell on her. "I..." she started but paused. "You know I've had my issues too..sometimes even with my perception of reality when those issues were peaking." she started strategically. Oh how she hated talking about those times. "Well...the other day, I..." Nikki was trying to ease him into the information but was there an easy way to dump this on him!? "I saw Damian. He's alive." || @arkin-oconnell

Arkin had always tried to keep a low profile when it came to his personal life but being a public figure always seemed to clash with that very idea. It was why he moved back home for recovery and why he kept himself off the radar. However there were always people who would know his business thanks to instagram. He didn’t mind if family knew his business. In fact he welcomed it. But it was the fact others could find out when it was not their news to share that got to him. “ I really need to get off of social media “ he mused with a small smile. “ it never does me any good “.

When it came to talking about it herself and the quick deflection, Arkin had noticed all of it. The only thing was he was still curious how she was doing. He cared about Nikki. And he was invested in all of his family and loved ones lives " You know I'm not gonna give you shit if you talk about yourself" @ambivalenceshefelt

[ambivalenceshefelt]

There was enough generational trauma in their family tree to make any therapist rich, Nikki could swear, but Arkin seemed to be gradually healing from it. From his own demons too —Nikki was proud of him. Nikki laughed, as if she'd ever turn him down. "Instagram is the biggest tattle of all." she sang, looping her arm through his. Talk about her? "Yeah, no, you don't..you don't want to go there, I promise you..." she shook her head, trying to keep a smile in her face and voice, but all she wanted to do at the sound of his question was cry.

He'd seen the worst of her though, he had been hurt by what happened to Damian too. How could she tell him, especially now that he was happy? She wanted to, she needed his honesty on what to do and, no matter how ugly the truth, Arkin hadn't ever lied to her... || @arkin-oconnell

It was nice to run into Nikki again and it helped him in a way he hadn’t expected. She was family but she was still a little out of the loop where every horrible thing that had happened in the last few years had hopefully not reached her ears. It wasn’t a secret what had happened to him last year but he had worked so hard since then and hoped others had seen that too. “ when she looped an arm around his; Arkin gave her a quick hug from the side. “ Good answer for both. I didn’t have a back up option yet “ he joked giving her a small smile. “ So you’ve already heard everything? “ he replied shaking his head. He figured everyone probably knew considering Sterling had a pretty visible baby bump now. “ thank you. I’ve been trying to stay healthy” which was true. No alcohol and drugs really does change someone. “ we can stop talking about me. How are you?” @ambivalenceshefelt

[ambivalenceshefelt]

Nikki smiled to herself at the sound of the nickname; she hadn't heard that one in a while. Turning around to face Arkin, she tilted her head to the right, and smiled at him. Good God..how much time had she let pass since she last saw him!? He was going to be a dad too..damn, he was a grown up now. Nikki wanted to hug him and cry. "No to avoiding you; hell yes to coffee with you though." she grinned instead reaching out to loop her arm through his. "You look so good and grown up, baby daddy. Congrats by the way!" she gushed quickly. Nikki had so much to say, so much to ask him but she didn't have the heart to shit on his happiness... || @arkin-oconnell

Closed for @ambivalenceshefelt

“ hey mini Keaton, you avoiding me “ Arkin teased as soon as he saw his cousin. He was having one of those mornings where he needed to get outside and clear his head a bit. Things were getting a bit easier and it helped he had so much to occupy his thoughts lately so that they didn’t travel into places of relapse. But sometimes he still needed to just sort of go hang out in a record shop for a few hours or hide in the book store in the corner like the gremlin he was. So when he emerged from the shop with a small stack of books in his hand and saw his cousin it was a nice surprised. “ wanna grab coffee? “