#by the end of the day I've seen all of SEM

[littelestvic]

About Bluza and The Destruction of the Femenine Fantasy

Hello! I haven't talked about Joker Out in a hot moment. Today, after the release of Bluza and the reading of some dissapointed critiques on the nature of the MV, I wanted to talk about how I think Bluza has presented us with the most clever and interesting MV since A Sem Ti Povedal.

On purpose or not. (Probably the later)

So, let's talk about Bluza (The Song) for a second. A beautiful ballad about yearning for a woman, it's beautiful, it's romantic, it's idylic, it's perfect.

"Tonight you're my muse" that's beautiful! It's almost like you want that muse. You want to pretend it's you who Bojan is talking about. You want to be her.

So I was kinda in awe when Zoran broke a bottle on Bojan's head while the woman he was so enthusiastically singing about just protects herself in a bit of horror.

I found it fascinating how the beautiful instrumental notes just kept drifting away almost in a hypnotic matter while the rest of the men in the room broke into a violent fight.

During my stance on the Joker Out fandom I've come to realize how we have constructed what I can only describe as a Fantasy. And it makes sense: this is a mostly femenine-driven fan base (and as a transmasc person I will include myself here too) yearning to think they're the epitome of a Perfect Man. And how wouldn't Joker Out be perfect, when they're so beautiful and talented and write and perform the most beautiful and romantic ballads? We have unequivocally constructed the "Perfect men" fantasy around a bunch of people that, in the end of the day, are nothing more than your average men.

This is something that will forever happen in boybands, of course and I do not say it's Bad and you Suck because you idealize a bunch of guys (I do too). But Souvenir Pop feels like it wants to be a record about the new experiences after the last year, and you kinda need to understand how shocking it might be for a bunch of 20-year-olds from Slovenia to be nothing one day, and the personalization of perfection for millions of girls around the world on the next one.

And Bluza (the song) plays perfectly into this Fantasy. It's beautiful and perfect and romantic like how any other Joker Out ballad needs to be because that's what we want from them and that's what we demand from them: Idealized perfection.

So you could imagine the reactions to some fans when they found out that Bluza (the MV) plays into toxic masculinity, objectification of women, and violence. They weren't very happy about that.

Because yes! I DO think this song plays into the idea of objectifying women. I think they portray this random woman as nothing but an object of desire while Bojan has the absolute guts to sing into this lady he has never seen before in his whole life and knows absolutely nothing about (but she's pretty, at least) that Tonight, she is his muse.

And I think it's amazing, how I've read statements like "Bluza MV objectifies women" and "I do not care much about what happened in Bluza MV as long and the guys just stand there and look pretty" all coexist in the same environment. Because I think it's actually very interesting how they objectify a woman almost in the same way as the fandom objectifies them. Because at the end of the day they're nothing more than objects of attraction for many of us.

And I find it kinda fitting how they spend most of the MV just Standing there, almost awkwardly and clumsily, not even caring enough to pretend effectively that they're playing whatever instrument they were given, while Bojan sings beautiful lyrics of yearn and love to the nothingless.

So yes, I do believe Bluza MV is fitting. Is fitting in the sense I find very clever how they subverted the theme of the song to talk about the expectation the fandom has towards them to follow their fantasies of the perfect man.

Now, do I think this was all made on purpose? Well, no. Not at all. I think this reading is nothing more than a coincidence. I do believe they did try their best to make a MV just about being in love or whatever but it came out tacky, and I do not care at all about that reading.

But a meta-reading about the MV is not really that out of place when you take other things they've done. Take for example how A Sem Ti Povedal, how the song is also a very typical love song but then the MV also plays with themes of idealization and fantasy.

[wonumatics]

✰ wonwoo x gn. reader ; fluff ; 0.6k

Wonwoo's blue full-sleeved shirt was curry-stain free and worn the proper way. He smells of freshly washed linen and breath mints. The weather is perfect, warm rays of sunshine spreading across a cloudless sky (he carried an umbrella nonetheless).

So far so good. Grade B, even.

Today is the day Wonwoo would try and catch the seat next to you in the Environmental Technology elective you both took. Maybe strike a colloquy with you on environmental toxicology. Maybe even exchange numbers.

“You’ve been saying the same thing for the past three weeks.”

“But-” Wonwoo stops, frowning at the notification on his phone. Soonyoung glances over his shoulder to take a look. The former sighs. The latter doesn’t bother to conceal his laugh.

Wonwoo had run a lot of scenarios through his head, finding appropriate solutions for each case. Nothing however would have prepared him for the class getting cancelled today.

“On the brighter side, you can practice your pick up lines on yourself for another day.” Soonyoung clears his throat to match Wonwoo's voice, “are you a data type? because you float inside my mind.”

Soonyoung sidesteps, avoiding the jab coming his way. He backpedals away, mouthing better luck next time as he leaves for his next class before the “Shut up.” leaves Wonwoo's lips.

And that’s how he ends up in the library, trying to finish his assignment for the OOP using Java bridge course. The key word is trying; there’s only so much freecodecamp.org can help with. He twirls his pencil around his thumb. Today was a failure. Maybe he should quit this and visit that new boba place instead.

“Hey, Wonwoo.”

The pencil falls from his hand and onto the floor. Wonwoo looks up to face you. Milliseconds pass by as he digests the fact that you did, indeed, call him.

He likes the sound of his name on your lips.

You pick his pencil up for him, a smile adorning your face as you continue, "I'm-

-(name)”, fuck, what happened to his lower register? “I've seen you around. We share the environmental technology class.”

It all comes out at a pace too fast for his liking, but you nod along. Wonwoo takes his pencil from your outstretched hand, mumbling thanks and trying not to hyperfixate on how his fingers would've brushed yours had he moved them a little closer. Cerise colours his ears at the thought.

You glance at the material strewn across the table, recognition flashing across your face. "I took this course last sem." Your eyes shift to his laptop's screen, which currently flashes a runtime error.

Of all times, why now?

He follows your gaze, feeling sheepish. "Well, this course is not for the weak."

You snort in agreement. "So, want some help debugging?"

"Oh please."

Wonwoo knew he should be paying attention to what you were doing but trying not to hyperfixate is easier said than done. '(name) pulled a chair right next to you to help you', chanted a little voice in the back of his head. From the spark in your eyes and the furrow of your eyebrows to the shade of your currently pursed lips, he couldn't help but notice it all.

This is nice.

"I'm done."

Wonwoo blinks. Already? He looks at the screen and then at you in awe. "That was really fast. Thank you."

Your smile widens. You move your chair and sling your bag over your shoulder, getting ready to leave. "Let me know if you need help with anything else."

It was now or never.

"Are you free for a boba run? it's on me."

One second. Two. Three. He shouldn't have-

-sure. Should we check out the new place downtown?"

"Yes." Yes, anything you say. He stuffs his bag with his books.

Maybe, today deserves a solid grade A.

[akechi-stole-my-heart]

If I may ask: how would you have written/rewritten Sumire's confident story? 😊 Unless it's too close to what you did in code violet, sorry 😂 Personnally, I thought the first half wasn't THAT boring, she was endearing but I felt like she was either in denial or hiding her grief about her sister's death - and then I got the truth 😂 I've become a shusumi fan quickly but I still think there's *something* lacking for it to click. And the last scene we see Sumire was underwhelming imho 🥲

yeah! there are a lot of similarities to what i do in code violet, but it's not identical, since I have a lot more freedom in my fic than there is in the game.

i wouldn't change much if anything about the first half. i agree it isn't that boring, what really makes it seem that way are (1) high expectations for the New Special Girl to be exceptional since she wasn't in the original game and (2) comparing her to the other team members who you're already invested in, her conflict just isn't as interesting (at least to me). basically, you start out every other thief confidant already knowing the core of their conflict because of their palace, so you're already invested in their arcs, while with sumire that is reversed, where you don't learn what's actually going on with her later. so, the "boringness" of the confidant is really exaggerated by that. if you didn't like the way they inserted her into the opening sequence (i never had an issue with it, but royal was my first experience, though i did know the stuff with her was added in the rerelease) so she made a bad impression on you, then it's understandable why people wouldn't like her (at first, anyway)

but let's get to the point. my issues with her confidant. they can basically be summed up in 2 points, and the two of them intersect quite a bit (1) the way she idolizes both kasumi and joker and rely on them for her self worth is not properly unpacked and (2) her role as the waifu REALLY impedes her arc.

basically, sumire idolizes joker. her outfit mirrors his exactly, and her arc in third sem is all about...learning that since joker loves her, she wants to both rise to his expectations and can learn to value herself. and that's not bad, but certain lines about how she wants joker to see her really rub me the wrong way. specifically in her rank when they go to the mall and she picks an outfit for herself. i like the part about her wanting to be seen as herself, and the part about joker's reaction ultimately being irrelevant to whether she likes the outfit, and i would emphasize those points more strongly. but the parts about her wanting joker to see her feel a little like she's trying to be a person he will like? rather than being the person that she is. some of the dialogue is pretty meh, and it feels like she's getting her self worth from joker.

the bones of the confidant are good. great, even. but there's just subtleties in the execution that make it not quite land for me. choosing the romance route ends up feeling unhealthy for both of them, where sumire is putting too much of her worth in someone else and joker is entering an unequal relationship where sumire doesn't give him as much as he gives her because he just isn't in a place to. and i think that's a shame.

for me to get behind shusumi, sumire needs to be on equal ground with akira, and she just isn't. and the game is even aware of this--sumire says on white day that she isn't, but that she wants to be someday. and like, it could be her being self deprecating, but either way it's not what either of them deserve. i wish we could get a moment where she's there for akira like he's there for her, but atlus is allergic to joker's friends being there for him so we never get that.

so honestly, i really wouldn't change much. i'd leave the first half how it is, tweak some dialogue in the second half so it seems less like sumire is getting her self worth from joker, and add a moment where sumire explicitly says she's there for joker and wants to be there for him as much as he's been there for her, so they're on emotionally equal ground with each other.

finally, i do wish we got to see more of her journey, since she really is just at the very beginning of her arc of recovery at the end of the game. but i think it's okay that we don't. there is only so much time allotted to watch her grow, and we see her grow a lot in that time. there's questions she could ask herself that she doesn't have the time to get to, like if she really wants to be a gymnast for herself, or if she's just doing it for her sister. that sort of thing. but again, i think it's okay we don't get to that. i might add a line or two where she says she wants to be a gymnast for herself because she enjoys it, though.

and i guess that's it? i'm sorry for how disorganized this answer is. i haven't really thought in depth about what i'd change if restricted by the confines of the game, and so it's kind of difficult to do a rewrite when that's different than just having problems with what exists. a lot of what i would change can be found in code violet, like how i emphasize that it's "joker makes me want to be seen for who i am, and see him in return" rather than the one-way dynamic of "joker makes me want to be seen and so i will try to be a person he likes" which some of her lines really come across as sometimes. honestly, i think the entire confidant could have been improved by leaning more into the rivalry dynamic. sumire and akechi already have plenty of similarities/parallels, and joker kind of inherits kasumi's role as sumire's rival. so i think it'd have been really powerful if they leaned into that and made it clear that this time, sumire and her rival are equals.

but yeah! sorry this is so rambly. i'm going to end the post now

[lettersfromandie]

2023 HIGHLIGHTS

Half of the year has passed and it's just now that I had the time and energy to do my 2023 highlights 😅 Lol better late than never! I'm doing this anyway for archive and memories when I look back and reminisce those times 🤍

Drag Race PH S1 Stars in Cebu

Finally met the queens from Drag Race Philippines Season 1 - Minty Fresh, Eva Le Queen, and Lady Morgana! They were all so beautiful and stunning! From their makeup, costumes, to their performances, they all SLAYED! Queens from the local Cebu drag scene also surprised us with their wow-mazing performances especially Letina Lyccah's performance. Lip syncing Alexia's Happy while throwing and giving out products named "Happy" to the audience was the best!!! (I got Happy peanuts lol). Such an entertainment to enjoy Sinulog night with some of the most famous drag queens in the country.

Spring Vacation in South Korea

Savored what was left of spring when we visited South Korea last year. Wrote more about this memorable trip in four South Korea 2023 blog posts hihi

Honne Concert

It wasn't just a Honne concert. It was Honne + Beka !!! Crying Over You is my favorite Honne song, so to witness them perform it with Beka made it all the more complete as if I'm listening it in Spotify but BETTER. The end of their concert tho with those visuals made us 🥺🥺🥺 (iykyk). Enjoyed the concert so much especially that I was with the company of my friends who I hadn't seen for a while hehe.

Turned a year older

This was a sad birthday because I was not able to enjoy it as much as I would have wanted to. Failed to enjoy the moment when I had a short dinner with my family because I had to go back to school immediately for a rehearsal :( My birthday fell within Intrams + Cookout week so acads and org life was just very hectic :/

Oh well, the world does not stop for me. I turned 22 last year. But wasn't feeling it just like Taylor Swift. It was Nothing New > 22, if you know what I mean.

My First Internship

Summer who? We don't know her! We only know internship!! Last academic year was wild and hectic because we only had a one-week break from second sem and immediately transitioned to being interns. Honestly, I've never legit worked before so this internship was somewhat my first work experience. For a month I mostly did marketing collaterals for an HR management system they developed.

I really wanted my first work experience to be in an organization that's not toxic and stifling. Looking back, I'm glad that I had my internship in MYT because everyone was so welcoming and approachable. We always had free lunch and snacks, and we also joined in their foundation's outreach program on our last day. I love that they also give back to the community and sponsor scholars.

I was also able to sit down and talk to the founders of the company and learned so much from them as well as my growth here. I'm so grateful for the experience because I also learned so much especially with being resourceful on how I can create marketing collaterals with the resources available (thank you Canva for making video animation and editing possible and easier! haha).

Exploring the City of Smiles

Visited Bacolod with the fam! Went to The Ruins, Campuestohan Highland Resort, Ilaya Highland Resort, etc etc (only a few we could fit in our sched). And of course we indulged in their most known delicacies - Eron's Cansi, Calea's cakes, Napoleones from Merzci (+ other brands actually), BongBong's Piaya, Chicken Inasal in Manokan Country, (Bar) 21's Batchoy, and brunch and pastries at Cafe Bobs! We indulged in more food than places so this was a food trip haha happy tummy = happy Andie!

Mayday Parade's 2nd Concert in Cebu

Three Cheers for Five Years since they last played in Cebu for the first time in 2019. That time they promised to be back. Five years later, they kept their promise. Mayday Parade, thank you for accompanying my emotional masochist ass when I was in high school (oahverrr). I'll always be an emo kid 🖤

Performed in a Musical Play

As a wannabe musical actress, I took the opportunity to perform in a short and sweet musical play competition representing our university. We won and were headed for nationals yayyyy

I was really excited when they chose me to be in the musical because that time, I was not able to deliver a lot of acting performances in my org. I couldn't say that I was that good in acting. But to be feeling (lol), I was kinda confident in my singing since I grew up listening and singing to Disney and musical songs. So this was my chance to do what I love.

It was my first musical play (and a competition at that), but playing in a musical in front of a large audience kinda excites the theater kid in me 🥰 (Broadway and West End, I know you're too far, but a girl can dream HAHA LOL)

Last year was very busy and hectic tbh so these were the highlights that I can remember BUT there's so much learning and growth that happened that year. Gratefulness for everything is just pouring everywhere despite the sad and overwhelming days <3 Thank you, 2023! 🌟

Love,

Andie

[heavenlyyshecomes]

hey I took a break from uni last semester and I’ve had a really rocky relationship with uni the past few years bc of my adhd. I had to keep withdrawing from units right before the semester ended bc I wouldn’t be able to complete the last big assignments due to executive dysfunction. I’m thinking of taking another break this sem and potentially dropping out but it’s so hard to accept. I’m 23 and I love learning sm. I enjoy uni but the toll it has on my mental health ruins it. I’ve been working for a few months and feel good but I’m also sick of juggling multiple jobs and working on a casual basis. Basically, I don’t know how to reach my career goals when I can’t actually get a degree (which would help) and I’m scared I’m going to be stuck in this cycle forever. Would love some advice if you’re willing to x

hi hi im sorry to hear u had to take a break especially since u said u love uni but i think it can be a strength too if u focus on the fact that u actually love learning it can be so helpful in going forward! a lot of times u need to remind yourself about your plans and why you're doing the things that you are to stay on track. im happy you are working so many times your experience helps more than your degree I've seen it firsthand ! I think the best advice i could give you right now is to talk to your professors because most of them are generally very accommodating and might be willing to help with the assignment work / deadlines. as for the adhd and executive dysfunction there's not much that I know about it to be helpful i know some people schedule their day down to the most basic activities but that doesn't sound like a great advice for everyone. getting a friend or family member to check on you and your progress atleast for important tasks / dates is also another thing. but more than that I want to tell you that a lot of people around this age feel like they're competing with others and feeling stuck but it isn't like that at all everyone does things in their own time and you'll definitely get your degree too ! i don't know what decision you will ultimately take but remember whatever happens it happens for the best sometimes prioritising yourself and letting go of something holding you back is necessary too. But in the end i wish u all the best and a very calm year 🤧💙

[315-no-stage]

That was quite an experience. It was very simple - just 4 people on stage, simplest costumes, lighting, sound. But their voices and body language made it intense. Very humbling piece of performance art.

I first went into this a mere fangirl. I had no idea what to expect. I mean, it was essentially a live afreco. But I came out of it humbled, educated, and inspired.

Seiyuu truly are amazing talents.

Buuuut that doesn't mean I didn't fangirl. ;) After all, they represent the 3 idol franchises I actively follow: WUG, SideM, and B-Project. XD

Daisaku OWNED it. He's a veteran and it showed. Minami's range never ceases to amaze me. (The voice she used here reminds me of Meari Saotome from Kakegurui.)

Yoshiki... oh man, talk about range and intensity! Fuukun definitely showed his theatre background.

I wonder why I don't see this in Western theatre. The control they showed is rather impressive. There were no flashy... anything. The timing of the lights and sounds tied everything together. I mean, they made literally reading off a script very engaging.

[sohyuki]

HIIII MINTIEST OF MINTS so here is the list of manhwa and manga recs u asked for, complete with a special review done by YOURS TRULYYYY *flares cape dramatically*

⁃ the saviour's book cafe story in another world (manga)

THIS ONE IS SO CUTE AND CHILL!!!! it's about a 30y/o woman who gets (reluctantly) isekai'd to another world as a saviour, and she just decides "forget the chosen one narrative I'm opening a book cafe". her chemistry with the male lead is so CUTEEEEEEE and they're very mature abt their relationship without all the drama and angst <33 it's currently ongoing!

⁃ looking up to you (manga)

this one is one of the sweetest high-school romances I've ever read and its wholesomeness is something that's honestly hard to top. the plot is abt a short boy who's insecure abt his height and gets made fun of for it, but one day he meets a taller girl who appreciates him just as he is. VERY CUTE AND I THINK ITS ALREADY COMPLETED HEHE

⁃ you at first sight (manhwa)

this one's also completed and I HONESTLY DIDNT EXPECT to like it this much, but it ended up being one of my top faves. the story follows a girl who essentially can read other people's minds at the cost of not being able to see their faces, and a boy whose face is the first face she has ever seen in her life. the slow development from strangers to friends to lovers is BEAUTIFULLY done in this manhwa and it's something I genuinely would read over and over again!!

⁃ annarasumanara (manhwa)

ok sO this one's not a romance manhwa bUT the art and the story are BEAUTIFUL!!! idk how to summarise it properly without spoiling but it's about a girl whose life is dull and empty until she meets a strange magician at an abandoned amusement park. the storytelling is very unique and I really love how the author discusses serious topics from the perspective of the main character <33

OMG ANNIE!! okay this is so old but AAA thank you for the recs!! i am writing these down rn because i will definitely, definitely binge these during my sem break. honestly, i haven't heard of any of these titles but judging from your descriptions, i'm pretty sure 'the saviour's book cafe story in another world' will become a fav of mine !! the others look interesting as well so i'm very excited to break out of my shounen cycle to read some good-old slice of life and shoujo!! i'll probably come to you for more romance recs 👀 hmm hmm

[forceuseralona]

tag 9 people to learn more about their interests!

tagged by @sharkinlovewithadolphin 🦈💘🐬

MUSIC

fave genre? Alternative/Indie, Pop

fave artist? Hozier, Imagine Dragons, P!nk, Foo Fighters, Queen

fave song? if I have to pick just one - Times Like These

most listened song recently? Easy on Me - Adele

song currently stuck in your head? H.Y.C.Y.BH 😆😂

5 fave lyrics?

I am here, I am here I've already seen the bottom, so there's nothing to fear Know that I'll be ready when the devil is near I am here, I am here All of this wrong, but I'm still right here I don't have the answers, but the question is clear

It's times like these you learn to live again It's times like these you give and give again It's times like these you learn to love again It's times like these time and time again

Ó manstu allt sem að Ungan kætti hug Er ímyndunaraflið Ákaft þreytti flug Nú geymast mér í minni myndir bernskunar

The gods may throw a dice Their minds as cold as ice And someone way down here Loses someone dear The winner takes it all The loser has to fall It's simple and it's plain Why should I complain?

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Oh, take me back to the night we met

radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume I slow or fast songs | music video or lyrics video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence (I need to focus😂) or with radio on

BOOKS **I'm skipping the book part because I just haven't read enough books to be able to answer these...

fav book genre?

fav writer?

fav book?

fav book series?

comfort book?

perfect book to read on a rainy day?

fave characters?

5 quotes from your fave book that you know by heart?

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary | rereading or reading just once

TV AND MOVIES

fave tv/movie genre? Drama, Romance

fave movie? since it's almost Christmas, and I watch it every year, I'm gonna say While You Were Sleeping 😍

comfort movie? AUSTENLAND

movie you watch every year? WYWS, Far From the Madding Crowd, The Muppets Christmas Carol 🎄

fave tv show? ER, Good Omens, Outlander

comfort tv show? Modern Family, Raising Hope, Brooklyn Nine Nine, 8 out of 10 Cats

most rewatched tv show? ER!!

ultimate otp? Joe & Nicky, Ian & Mickey, Agron & Nasir, Sawyer & Juliet, Frank & Karen (was I only supposed to pick one??) Phryne & Jack...

5 fave characters? Nicoló Di Genova, Ten, Phryne Fisher, James "Sawyer" Ford, Frank Castle (as played by JB)

tv shows or movie | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

tagging anyone and everyone who wants to do this

[larentsbr]

porque eu não acho que essas músicas são de término, análises.

vou separar por ano e por escritor.

HARRY:

2013 - Midnight Memories

happily:

You don't understand, you don't understand

What you do to me when you hold his hand

We were meant to be but a twist of fate

Made it so you had to walk away

[Você não entende, você não entende

O que faz comigo quando segura a mão dele

Fomos feitos um pro outro, mas uma reviravolta no destino,

Se fez, então tivemos que nos distanciar]

Eu enxergo esse primeiro verso como o sentimento em ver o louis tendo que sair com qualquer mulher e isso parte o coração do harry. Na parte que fala “fomos feito um para o outro, mas alguma coisa no destino aconteceu e tivemos que nos distanciar” e no tal destino mencionado é a gestão falando para se manterem distantes e fingirem que o outro não existe.  

I don't care what people say when we're together

You know I wanna be the one to hold you when you sleep

I just want it to be you and I forever

[ Não me importo com o que as pessoas dizem quando estamos juntos

Você sabe que eu quero ser o único que te abraça enquanto você dorme

Eu quero que seja só você e eu pra sempre]

Eu interpreto como se o harry estivesse pouco se fodendo para o que as pessoas vão falar, se vão continuar sendo preconceituosas e se vão jogar praga.

I wonder if he knows that I touched your skin

And if he feels my traces in your hair

Sorry, love, but I don't really care

[Eu me pergunto se ele sabe que eu toquei sua pele

E se ele sentir meus rastros em seus cabelos

Desculpe amor, mas eu realmente não me importo]

tenho duas interepretações:

1° continua sendo uma boyband, não tem só o harry e essa banda foi montada para ser enxergada como todos da banda sendo héteros. É a única parte da música inteira que contém pronome e nesse caso é masculino, então estaria montando uma narrativa de como se o harry estivesse perguntando para alguma mulher se o atual sabe que ele a tocou.

2° está desafiando alguém que manda eles não ficarem mais juntos. e está se perguntado que, independente de tudo, essa pessoa está ciente de que o harry ainda está com o louis.

something great:

One day you'll come into my world and say it all

You say we'll be together even when you're lost

One day you'll say these words

I thought you'll never say

You say we're better off together in our bed

[Um dia você irá ao mundo e dizer tudo

Você diz que vamos ficar bem mesmo quando estamos perdidos

Um dia você dirá essas palavras

Que eu pensei que você nunca diria

Você diz que somos melhores quando estamos na nossa cama]

Para mim fala explicitamente sobre a vontade de se assumir, que o parceiro diz que o ama e que são melhores quando estão só os dois a sós. Que eles são melhores só dois no sentido de saber que estão protegidos nos braços um do outro, é diferente quando está em quatro paredes com a pessoa que você ama e de quando está no mundão. Mas ele quer se assumir e mal pode esperar por isso.

I want you here with me

Like how I pictured it

So I don't have to keep imagining

[ Eu que você aqui comigo

Como eu imaginei

Então eu não preciso ficar imaginando ]

Claramente ser sobre querer voltar ao que era antes, onde os dois podiam interagir. Mas agora o harry quer não só poder interagir como em 2010-2012, mas também que mostrar o verdadeiro eles e quem eles são.

The script was written and I could not change a thing

I want to rip it all to shreds and start again

[ O roteiro estava escrito e eu não pude mudar nada

Eu quero rasgar em pedaços e começar de novo ]

Eu não vou falar nada sobre essa parte, eu acho que está bem explícita. Em compensação vou deixar um post com vários tweets da Rebecca Ferguson falando sobre a indústria e sobre ter sido forçada a assinar contratos (v, w, x, y, z). Eu sugiro que entre no twitter dela e veja todos os tweets sobre

You're all I want

So much it's hurting

[ Você é tudo que eu quero

tanto que está machucando ]

Único solo do louis na música inteira e é justo nessa parte, onde ele canta que o harry é a pessoa que ele ama tanto que machuca. Eu acho que é ambíguo a parte da dor, eu acho que fala sobre realmente amar demais a pessoa, mas eu acho que fala sobre machucar não poder falar para o público

2017 - harry styles

two ghosts:

Same lips red, same eyes blue

Same white shirt, couple more tattoos

[ Mesmos lábios vermelhos, mesmos olhos azuis

Mesma camiseta branca, algumas tatuagens ]

Eu sinceramente não me apego muito nessa primeira parte porque tem como desmentir e falar que o harry está descrevendo dois fantasmas e por isso que pode ser sobre a Taylor. (Mesmo eu achando que haylor nunca existiu) Mas enfim, quando essa música foi lançada o louis depois de uma semana postou foto todos os dias durante 4 dias só com blusas brancas.

Tastes so sweet, looks so real

Sounds like something that I used to feel

But I can't touch what I see

[ Tem gosto tão doce, parece tão real

Parece com algo que eu costumava sentir

Mas eu não posso tocar o que eu vejo ]

Por que ele não poderia tocar a taylor sendo que ambos já apareceram se abraçando e conversando? Para mim fala sobre relembrar dos momentos de 2010-2012 onde eles tinham mais liberdade.

Tongue-tied like we've never known

Telling those stories we already told

'Cause we don't say what we really mean

[ Língua presa como nunca antes

Contando aquelas histórias que já contamos

Porque não falamos o que realmente queremos ]

Para mim fala sobre precisar mentir mais ainda de que não estão juntos e que não é real, e na verdade eles tem namoradas.

Então para mim, essa música inteira faz referência a dois fantamas (harry e louis), que precisam fingir que não existem, são invisíveis, mas não deixa de machucar lembrar do passado onde não precisavam passar por isso.

meet me in the hallway:

vou copiar e colar uma resposta que a minha amiga @foockinlosah​ deu.

“acredito que mmith fale sobre falta de comunicação no relacionamento, não acredito em qualquer interpretação de término e afins. Acho que essa música fala sobre ser viciado nessa pessoa, viciado no amor dela, viciado em estar com ela, mas não conseguindo ter o suficiente daquilo porque não estão fazendo isso de forma correta e tem que melhorar em algum aspecto. "Give me some morphine" na minha opinião foi um substituto para "Give me more of you", falando isso rápido na música soaria quase como Morphine então eles mudaram para ficar mais sofisticado. Mas usar a palavra Morfina da a entender que a pessoa preciso daquilo pra parar de sentir dor, então isso também é algo a se notar. Não acho que "Meet me in the halway" signifique literlamete Me encontre no corredor, sei que muitos usam isso pra dizer que a música é sobre a época da banda quando eles ficam em hotéis e afins, mas na minha opinião, Hallway aqui teria o mesmo sentido que "halfway", que significa "meio do caminho". "Me encontre no meio do caminho", da uma impressão de se encontrar poucas vezes e sempre quando estão ocupados e acabam nem conversando direito. Nessa música em específico não tem referência nenhuma a falta de comunicação, mas o álbum todo tem, então incluindo mmith no tema central do álbum acho que podemos entender que eles estavam com esse problema na relação e o H se sentia perdido, fraco, deixado de lado sem o Louis e ele passa a música inteira dizendo que precisa mais dele e que eles precisam melhorar.”

2° post (está em inglês)

from the dining table:

a minha interpretação é sobre não ser autobiográfica. Para mim é conversa em uma mesa de jantar, onde os amigos contam como foi o processo para tentar superar um namoro.

Woke up alone in this hotel room

Played with myself, where were you?

Fell back to sleep, I got drunk by noon

I've never felt less cool

[ Acordei sozinhx nesse quarto de hotel

Brinquei comigo mesmo, onde você estava?

Voltei a dormir, fiquei bêbadx ao meio dia

Nunca me senti menos descoladx ]

1° parágrafo alguém da mesa

e assim com o restante da música

LOUIS

2015 - Made in the A.M

love you goodbye:

Se você olhar a letra, ela não diz especificamente sobre fazer sexo antes de terminar o namoro de vez. Eu acho que foi a narrativa que criaram com o fim de elounor. E eu não acho que é sobre término larry também; até porque quando os meninos cantaram essa música no Good Morning America, a entrevistadora perguntou sobre o que era e o louis respondeu sobre ficar com a pessoa uma última vez antes de terminar e o harry fez uma piada “isso é um programa que passa pela manhã,certo hahah”. Eu não acho que ele iria fazer uma piada com o ex sobre uma música que fala sobre o término deles. Nós sabemos que o harry não tem problema em demonstrar o drama sobre o relacionamento em público.

ps: aqui um post traduzido deles trazendo o drama a público: Louis e Harry entre 17 e 21 de julho de 2015

Para mim realmente soa como uma reação à decisão do grupo de entrar no hiato e estarem passando pela fase de negação/aceitação e também pode ser sobre a saída do zayn, eu acho que encaixa também.

It's inevitable everything that's good comes to an end

It's impossible to know if after this we can still be friends, yeah

[É inevitável que tudo que é bom chega ao fim

É impossível saber se depois disso nós ainda seremos amigos]

A banda chegando ao fim, cada um seguindo a sua vida com carreira solo, não vão mais se ver 24 horas por dia. É tudo uma grande incógnita.

Unforgettable together held the whole world in our hands

Unexplainable the love that only we could understand, yeah

[ Inesquecíveis juntos seguramos o mundo inteiro em nossas mãos

Inexplicável o amor que só nós podemos entender]

23/07/2020 a one direction completou 10 anos e sites saíram do ar, rádios tiveram problemas com tanta gente querendo escutar as músicas, charts dos álbuns subiram muito. Óbvio que são inesquecíveis.

2020 - Walls

too young:

O louis ainda fez o track by track falando que é sobre conhecer o amor aos 18 anos e reforçou bastante essa parte.

We were too young to know we had everything

Too young, I wish I could've seen it all along

[ Nós eramos muito jovens para saber que tínhamos tudo

Muito jovens, eu gostaria de ter visto tudo isso antes ]

Essa parte eu enxergo o louis relembrando da época de 2010-2012, onde eles tinham muito mais liberdade para demonstrar o carinho e o amor que eles sentiam um pelo outro. Então eles tinham tudo: música crescendo cada vez mais, o amor deles, eles podendo interagir em público.

I'm sorry that I hurt you, darling, no, oh

We were too young

[ Me desculpa se eu te machuquei, não, oh

Nós éramos muito jovens ]

Mas então tudo veio por água baixo e começaram os stunts/beards mais intensamente e isso machucou muito ambos. E o louis deve sentir que é o culpado porque é ele que mentia/mente que não é real, ele fingia/finge que estava feliz ao lado de uma beard.

I’ve been looking back a lot lately

Me and you is all I've ever known

It’s hard to think you could ever hate me

But everything's feeling different now

[ Eu tenho olhado bastante o passado recentemente

Você e eu é tudo que eu conheço

É difícil pensar que você poderia me odiar 

Mas tudo é diferente agora ]

o louis não está falando que o harry o odeia, mas que odeia a possibilidade de um dia isso acontecer. Eles passaram/passam por tantos altos e baixo e nunca se odiaram, o amor continuou e agora as coisas estão diferentes. Talvez o louis esteja falando do futuro e que eles já estão planejando como vai ser.

Oh, I can't believe I gave in to the pressure

When they said a love like this would never last

So I cut you off 'cause I didn't know no better

Now I realise, yeah, I realise

[ Oh, eu não acredito que eu cedi a pressão

Quando eles dizem que um amor como esse nunca duraria

Então eu te afastei porque eu não sabia melhor

E agora eu percebo, sim, agora eu percebo ]

A pressão eu interpreto como baixar a cabeça e aceitar de um certo modo. não precisa ser um término, é só  um momento que cansou de lutar e escutar as pessoas dizerem que um relacionamento LGBTQIA+ não iria durar. Quem diz isso a um relacionamento hétero? E a parte de se afastar, não precisa ser literal, pode ser simplesmente interromper, ignorar o assunto. Aí entra a pressão novamente, que deve ser um peso no relacionamento ter que aturar as dificuldades e principalmente por estar de cabeça cheia, resolveu deixar de lado. E aí vem o próximo verso.

Face-to-face at the kitchen table

This is everything I've waited for

Now we can finally have a conversation

That I wish we could’ve had before

[ Cara a cara na mesa na cozinha

Isso é o que eu fiquei esperando

Finalmente podemos ter a conversa

Que eu desejava ter tido antes ]

O assunto ignorado do verso acima está falando sobre isso. Ele finalmente se permitiu e começou a pensar sobre o assunto e se abrir.

It's been two years since I’ve seen your face

[ Fazem dois anos desde que eu vi o seu rosto ]

Stunt line, assim como meetatyourunicheapdrinks. 

A original que o louis vazou uma parte era “Oh my I remember those times, being you cheap drinks...” - vídeo que o louis vazou 

post explicando stunt line

habit:

eu acho que habit se conecta de algum jeito com too young.

eu também concordo com uma coisa que a minha amiga disse sobre o louis falar no track by track que essa música é sobre o trabalho. 

palavras dela: “fala sobre o trabalho no sentido de que foi escrito com uma época já em mente, e talvez nessa época as coisas no trabalho não estivessem ido tão bem e isso refletia e suas atitudes/escolhas e assim saiu Habit”

I always said that I'd mess up eventually

I told you that, so what did you expect from me?

It shouldn't come as no surprise anymore

I know you said that you'd give me another chance

But you and I knew the truth of it in advance

That mentally you were already out the door

[  Eu sempre disse que acabaria ferrando com tudo

Eu te avisei, então o que você esperava de mim?

Não devia ser uma surpresa

Eu sei que você disse que me daria outra chance

Mas você e eu sabíamos a verdade sobre isso antes

Mentalmente, você já estava do lado de fora ]

Never thought that giving up would be so hard

But God, I'm missing you and your addictive hear

[ Nunca pensei que desistir seria tão difícil

Mas, Deus, estou sentindo sua falta e de seu coração viciante ]

Nesses dois versos de habit eu enxergo a conexão com too young e no verso sobre ceder a pressão. E juntamente com essa parte que eu também acho que conecta o trabalho na parte que ouviu tantas pessoas querendo se meter na vida dele; ou ele estava infeliz de como se sentia em relação as músicas e isso influenciou o relacionamento de alguma maneira. E a parte da saudade é porque ele está falando de um hábito, quase como se fosse um vício, então sentia saudades de estar aberto novamente com o relacionamento e não estar tão preocupado com tudo. Eu acho que é quando ele percebe suas ações e como ele está agindo com o amado.

I took some time 'cause I’ve ran out of energy

Of playing someone I’ve heard I’m supposed to be

But honestly, I don't have to choose anymore

And it's been ages, different stages

Come so far from Princess Park

I'll always need ya

In front of me, in front of me

[  Eu demorei um pouco porque fiquei sem energia

De tanto interpretar alguém que disseram que eu deveria ser

Mas, sinceramente, não preciso mais escolher

E faz anos, palcos diferentes

Viemos de tão longe desde Princess Park

Eu sempre vou precisar de você

Na minha frente, na minha frente ]

O louis fala sobre estar cansado de interpretar um personagem, escondendo o seu verdadeiro “eu”. Para mim faz referência em estar no armário e ainda se conecta com o clipe de walls onde ele está sozinho em volta de casais héteros e com defenceless:

Been up all night

All night running all my lines

[ Fiquei acordado a noite toda

Noite toda lendo as minhas falas ] 

line em inglês pode tanto significar linha quanto fala. Por exemplo uma atriz fala “I forgot my line”, ela está se referindo a fala que era para ter dito na cena.

Agora voltando para a análise, o louis está cansado de interpretar alguém que não é. Ele sabe qual dos “personagens” ele vai escolher, que é ser ele mesmo juntamente com o amor da vida dele que morou em Princess Park. 

E agora eu vou ser grossa, mas me poupe quem falar que o louis colocou a referência ao complexo só porque foi onde toda a banda morou. 

1° lugar: sim, todos moraram nesse complexo, mas as únicas duas pessoas que moraram juntas foram o harry e o louis

2° lugar: o louis não é idiota. ele sabia que colocando essa parte na música todo mundo iria teorizar, assim como ele tinha certeza ao fazer o cover de 7 do Catfish and Bottlemen.

You give me the time and the space

I was out of control

And I'm sorry I let you down

I guess that I know what I already knew

I was better with you

And I miss you now

[  Você me deu tempo e espaço

Eu estava fora de controle

Me desculpe por te decepcionar

Eu acho que sei o que eu já sabia

Eu estava melhor com você

E sinto sua falta agora ] 

Esse verso eu também enxergo com too young e com os dois primeiros versos que eu comentei sobre o louis estar sobrecarregado e com isso se afastou, se fechou, não permitindo que o hábito dele (amor dele) o ajudasse a passar sobre esse momento perturbado da vida dele. E a parte de decepcionar na verdade pode ser quebrar as expectativas. 

always you:

eu não vou analisar a letra em si, vou falar só um geral.

eu não acho que essa música é de término e nem sobre voltar de um término, por exemplo reconciliar. Para mim, essa música é bem estilo Canyon Moon, então ele está falando que está com saudade de estar em casa com o amor dele ao invés de estar com uma beard na Holanda.

E no primeiro verso eu não acho que é um diálogo como as pessoas acham que é, até porque essa música foi escrita em 2017 e o harry foi escrever fine line no Japão em 2018. E pelo o que eu vi uma vez, na rua com só bares gays que o louis foi fotogrado, tinha um bar chamado Duke of Tokyo e talvez por isso que "Fui a Tóquio para esquecer, bebida atrás de bebida".

Mas agora indo para o contexto:

Louis fez esses tweets falando que estava irritado com a indústria.

Depois disso ele soltou uma parte de always you justo na parte falando "I went to Amsterdam without you". Alguns minutos depois, ele resolve aparecer novamente no twitter perguntar se já tínhamos desvendado da letra.

E falou que tinha ido à Amsterdã no mês anterior.

E ele foi em julho de 2017 com a Eleanor e o Oli comemorar o aniversário dela.

Mas, alguns minutos depois ele fez outro tweet falando que tinha escrito a música há 6 meses, o que nos leva para fevereiro/março e isso foi antes da viagem.

always you

Provavelmente ele tinha planejado essa viagem meses antes, já que ele é provavelmente uma pessoa ocupada e estava com 2 singles nos tops das listas, então tinha entrevista para fazer, shows etc. Além de que, eu acho que essa viagem foi planejada antes também para mostrar que elounor estava firme e forme e que eles se amam incondicionalmente. E por isso que 2017 foi um ano cheio de pap pic para os dois, exatamente para deixar falado que o antigo casal voltou. Mas você também pode acreditar que ele só falou isso porque pediram para desviar a ideia das pessoas e para não fazerem teorias.

Outras pessoas também podem falar "ah mas ele foi a Amsterdã sem a Eleanor antes." Ok, ele pode ter ido, mas porque ele precisaria/faria questão em vazar uma música para poder ser colocada no álbum se é para um casal assumido e público? Por que em específico Amsterdã e não qualquer outro lugar que ela não foi com ele depois que terminaram? Ainda por cima fazer outro tweet falando que tinha ido a capital da Holanda no mês anterior?

Ele queria essa música de todos os jeitos no álbum e não queria que ninguém impedisse essa música estar em Walls.

"Always in my heart @Harry_Styles. Your sincerely, Louis"

Como também, a parte de Amsterdã e Tóquio pode ser uma referência aos dois países que os dois mais gostam e tem muitas memórias, e por conta disso escolheu como forma de simbolizar os dois.

Foi isso. Essas são as minhas análises, que contém o meu ponto de vista e no que eu acredito. Vocês podem acreditar no que quiserem e se tiverem outras análises e quiserem compartilhar, fiquem à vontade :)

[therefugeofbooks]

It's Juuuune! I'm happy with my numbers of May, considering the amount of family things that happened. I read some nice horror books that made me crave even more horror!!! But there's a special and ~exceptional~ June tbr that I'm also super excited!

Anyway, talking about all the books I read in May under the cut (･ω<)☆

In reading order:

Vita Nostra by Marina Dyachenko, Sergey Dyachenko with Julia Meitov Hersey (translator)

I've seen this book in Dark Academia book lists and I was excited to read it because of the whole magical school idea. However, I didn't like this book at all. The main character is so uninteresting, there are no characters to root for, people are forced to go to college and don't know what's happening and the magic is something vague and far away most of the time, and the mystery is empty. I kept pushing expecting a wild reveal and I finished frustrated and angry. 

The Twisted Ones by T. Kingfisher

So good! The mystery is compelling, the horror is on point, I listened to the audiobook before sleeping and I was scared! Looking forward to reading more from T. Kingfisher

Read if you want: psychological horror, creatures on the wood. 

Between Perfect and Real by Ray Stoeve 

Loved it! The story follows a trans guy coming out at his school while he plays Romeo in a school play. It deals with a lot of pain, transphobia, body dysmorphia, family relationships, his relationship with his girlfriend. But there are also nice moments of understanding, found family and theater kids being theater kids.

Read if you want: trans characters in high school, theater stories, friendship and support from the lbtqia+ community.

Vampires Never Get Old: Tales with Fresh Bite 

A lovely anthology! My favorite one was A Guidebook for the Newly Sired Desi Vampire by Samira Ahmed. I also liked  In Kind by Kayla Whaley and The Boys From Blood rRver by Rebecca Roanhorse. I'd love to read an adult or new adult anthology like this one. 

Read if you want: diverse ya vampire stories.

Revenge by Yoko Ogawa with Stephen Snyder (Translator)

After Hotel Iris, I decided to read one more book by Yoko Ogawa. Revenge is more on the horror side like The Diving Pool. It's a psychological, bizarre, eerie kind of horror. The interesting about this book is that all the short stories are connected! Loved it!

Read if you want: bizarre and eerie short stories.

Given Vol. 1 by Natsuki Kizu 

Even though my friends have recommended me the anime, I haven't watched it yet. But I loved the manga! It's a cute bl story involving bands in high schools. I know that something very sad is coming in the next volume ;;;

Read if you want: cute bl stories, high-school bands.

Sasaki and Miyano Vol. 1 by Syou Harusono

I love fudanshi stories and the main couple's dynamics is very sweet! The series is not completed yet, so I'm not sure when I'll go back to this story, though. 

Read if you want: cute bl stories.

Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie 

Beautiful book but there're many sad and dark moments in it. It has sort of an optimistic ending, but it deals with dark topics such as physical and physiological abuse and fanatism. But in the end, I think the book is about Kambili discovering that there's a different way to live and finding love in her aunt and cousins. If you're interested in this book, you should check out this article that highlights some transphobic comments made by Chimamanda. Then, it's up to you!

The Companion by EE Ottoman

I love the plot and the setting and that all the characters are trans! It's a very cute polyamorous relationship. But I think I'd have enjoyed it more if it was a slow-burn kind of romance. The idea is great, but I'm not a fan of the pacing of this novella.

Read if you want: trans/trans relationships, polyamorous relationships, historical queer romance, smuuut.

The Girl and the Ghost by Hanna Alkaf

This book was great! It's the right amount of spooky and adventurous I like in a middle-grade story. I loved how friendship is a main theme in the book and what Suraya does to save Pink. The ending is amazing!

Read if you want: safe spooky, focus on friendship, ghost that are friends, kids saving the day.

Available only in Portuguese:

Ela é só uma garota comum de Pedro A. Ribeiro

Eu adoro histórias sobre viagem no tempo e mudanças temporais e foi por isso que eu peguei esse conto para ler. E nesse aspecto sci-fi, o conto é bem legal, com um protagonista alienígena e tocando em assuntos como relações entre espécies e imigração de alienígenas. Adoro que um dos temas é sobre como pequenos gestos podem desencadear uma sequência incrível de acontecimentos! Acho que no geral, apenas a escrita precisa amadurecer mais, principalmente nos diálogos, que por muitas vezes soam muito artificiais e sem muita relevância para a história.

Rereads:

Heartstopper Vol. 1 and Heartstopper Vol. 2 by Alice Oseman

Read in: Feb | Mar | April

☆Book photography ☆ Storygraph ☆ Scribd ☆

[namtanlovesfilm]

Hey Axelle! Have you watched Gaya Sa Pelikula? I hope you have, because I want to ask a question that's been bothering me since forever: so Vlad and Karl stay together in the unit for 1 month right? And then the sem break ends in episode 7 as they said it was their last day there. Then in episode 8 the caption says "1st day of school", so how much time did Vlad and Karl spend apart? Like I can't understand the timeline, please help!!

Also, if by any chance you haven't seen this masterpiece, PLEASE DO. You'll love it.

Ps. Loved your recent video even though I, personally love UWMA💀 you looked so freakin' pretty in your purple dress <3 stay safe, lot's of love!!

hi! of course I have! though gonna be honest I'm not gonna be able to answer your question bc I haven't watched the show since it aired. but I'm sure a lovely follower of mine will be able to help you! also about uwma, whoops :'))) I mean I know it's a very popular show & as I've said many times I don't hate it at all... it's just that the execution wasn't it for me. and thank you!!! lots of love & stay safe too! ♡♡♡

xxx

[timextoxhajima]

NOO i swear you're not taking any of my time huhu i love talking to you😭😭 tbh i usually have time at nights but i'd rather use them to sleep or watch some tbz content bc my a test every 3 weeks schedule is still going but i have a lot more to do now so i'd usually spent the first 1 weeks with taking as much rests as i can 🥲

and no worries ur not making me feel pressured to reveal myself!!!! im just saying this bc i really wanna be friends w u,, but if i ever leave tumblr then i WILL OFC I WILL TELL U

hehehe yea i love trying new hobbies no matter how bad i may be at them just to find the feeling of joy when i feel like im truly enjoying them, and with writing even when what i write has nothing to do with my thoughts it really help in keeping my minds busy instead of drifting away into bad thoughts🥲🥲 i do video editing too sometimes, photography, but its kinda hard thanks to the pandemic so yeah,,, editing sunwoo video it is for me😭😂 i hope you found ur getaway too!!! or did u already?

I C THE NEW ENHYPEN POST OMG IVE BEEN SEEING THEM A LOT LIKE A WHOLE LOT EVERYWHERE not to mention im also a shawol so i know that ni-ki was one of the shinee kid?? in shinee's japanese concert😭😂 but i havent found the time to know abt the other members yet so--

ANW I RLLY LOVE THAT FOR UU its good that you're getting a lot more comfortable❤️ so does that mean you are currently on a holiday? yea coming back to uni really sucks sometimes i hated it a lot too but these days i've gotten a lot closer to my friends and i miss them so much now that we havent seen each other for months🥲

i'm pretty good! all the preparation has been kinda a lot and my research supervisor has been kinda laterep lately which is making me super anxious most of the time bc i really need to get everything done by august😭😭 but yeah writing has helped me A LOT in shifting my thoughts and making me feel better, i hope i am taking care of myself enough

how about you dana? are you taking care of yourself ? - 🍋🍋

omg just sleep LMAO just fkin sleep it's fine tumblr isn't worth your physical health HAHAHAHHAHA yeah your 3-week test schedule sounds disgustang fam idk how you do it so props to you

omg... tbh photography is a great way to ?? learn about life?? does that make sense lol i started photography in 2013 and now i've shifted more into filming, writing and editing so it was a very nice shift and transition for me. i guess my getaway definitely includes writing fics, i'm on a video production intern right now too so i get to shoot in studios and edit the footage later on. i was supposed to go on a chill photoshoot with a friend but covid said fuck you LMAO but i might get paid to help my freshies do their committee photoshoot at the end of the year so that'll be a blast. i love brainstorming themes for photoshoots and like templating designs - i think i'm an all-rounded creative person, as in into creatives [not boasting about... my creativity] but i definitely love the freedom in expression and i'm starting to realise that i'm picking up every single medium i could possibly utilise to exploit this freedom of expression thing: writing, dancing, filming, photography, creative designs, you name it LOL

yes niki was a shawol!! he went for a tokyo dome concert of shinee's and key hugged him while he cried LMAO he said it was like 2014 or smth which meant that niki was fucken... 9... stanning enha has been a JOURNEY for me because all this while i've been stanning groups that are generally older than me. even with skz jeongin i began to feel a tad awkward because he's younger, and with txt i basically couldn't whole-heartedly stan them because 3/5 of them are younger than me... then you have enha whose maknae is younger than my sister?! like... fam... how... why... am i that old now... omg

yeah i am on holiday! my sem ended in late april and since then i've been pretty much rotting at home, handling my intern projects, writing, learning some choreos for more covers and sobbing over kdramas owo the tissues wasted LMAO i love this break for myself honestly cause the sem was such a shitshow and i lost a friend or two over some nonsense and i had conflict with a couple of others too so while i do miss their nonsense, i really need the time away from these idiots who act like 5 year olds sometimes

omg i hope your supervisor knows not to pressure you too much, like work-life balance is a thing there right... >.>

i'm so happy you're writing that shit out. back before i began to write i felt so suffocated and i can't imagine my life if i didn't go into writing so i'm glad you found this portal to escape, even if it is for a moment!

i'm taking of myself... by keeping myself at home LMAO i haven't seen friends for like... weeks now, which is pretty surprising given the circumstances, because we're not on lockdown and you can still go out in pairs and i've had friends trying to get me out of the house to hang but i'm... so lazy... and frankly just uninterested in a social life now. idk how i shd feel about that, it's like the introvert rlly hopped the fuck out after i spent majority of the past sem acting like an extrovert.

if you consider sleeping at 4am every night taking care of myself then HEY i guess im fit as a pickle HAHAHAHHAHAHAH

[twilightknight17]

One last one and I'm done because I just wanted discussion, not to fight, but no I've rarely seen Shuake that is not dark or angsty, most of the fic recs are dark sad fics. I don't see good traits discussed, you're not on twitter but even on tumblr most of the time he is called irredeemable, a psychopath and evil. All the memes about being evil have him tagged! Even "fluffy" fanart has him threatening to kill Akira. The take on him in Royal is that he's not redeemed and likes being an ass.

I don’t want to fight with anyone either, but I’m not sure how much of a discussion it can be when the two sides are basically “I only see him portrayed as pure evil” and “I don’t really see that very often at all.”

But okay, let’s roll. You want a serious answer? Here’s a serious answer.

(Po, my dear, there are actual major endgame spoilers in this answer, so don’t click on this one.)

There’s definitely plenty of sad fanfic, but I mean, their situation is pretty sad. That doesn’t mean the fluffy kind isn’t there. Or the slightly silly kind. Seriously, have you read the fic where Goro’s trying to win Mothman out of the gatcha machine? AO3 has all sorts of tags, it’s not that hard to find soft stuff. And I literally reblogged fluffy napping fanart like 2 days ago.

Anyway, “psychopath” is a very strong word, and I don’t think it describes his character at all. Nothing in the game indicates to me that he enjoys killing. He usually seems like his mindset is “I did what I had to, even if I didn’t like it, because all that matters is taking out Shido.”

And no, the way he acts during Maruki’s Palace doesn’t contradict that. Those are lesser shadows, not people, and he’s very aware of the difference. He never suggests killing Maruki, even as a joke, despite how much he hates him and his ideal reality. And if I remember correctly, he never actually says that he wants to kill Shido. Just ruin him when he’s at his highest point. (And yeah, dumb plan overall, but he was an angry, depressed 15-year-old at the time, and I choose to believe that he ended up too far in, and it came down to his life or his targets’. Shido was planning to have him killed after following his every order; disobeying would have just signed that death warrant more quickly.) The only time he targets someone and it wasn’t an order from Shido is the engine room fight, which is basically him hitting rock bottom and having an emotional breakdown even before he uses his powers on himself.

Third-sem Goro is...abrasive, yes. He’s tired. He’s clearly done with All of This Bullshit. He’s got no memories of anything after the engine room. He’s aware that yet another person is trying to control his life, except this time, in the most condescending, for-your-own-good way possible. He’s got to work with the people who saw him at his lowest, which is probably mortifying. He’s got to face his own death a second time, while knowing that he was Akira’s wish. No one has ever really wanted the real him, his entire life, and now that someone does, someone that he cares about too, he has to give that up. I’d be pissed off too.

But despite that, he’s still brave. He’s still determined. He’s still strong. And he still cares, underneath his gruff exterior. The first thing he did when he found himself in Shibuya on Christmas Eve, no idea what had happened, was to find Akira and Sae and take responsibility for his crimes so that Akira wouldn’t go to jail. When Akira’s wish basically glitched the matrix to ensure that Goro got out of jail almost immediately, the first thing Goro did was find Akira to figure out why. Many of his navigator lines indicate that he’s worried about and/or protective of Joker.

And if we take the unimplemented scene they found as canon, when he woke up and found himself at the center that once took care of his mother, he still made plans to return to Tokyo and make sure Akira got out of jail. He could have walked away, but he still went back for his rival. The most important person in his life.

I don’t know if this was what you wanted, Anon. I’ve realized I don’t really know what you think, since you’ve mostly told me what the rest of the fandom supposedly thinks. If you want to keep discussing this, you can PM me, or send me an ask off anon so I can reply privately.

[ano-po]

The new CHED curriculum in the eyes of a dying college student

I have no complaints about K-12, honestly. I see that it is more organized and more promising. Graduates from senior high have more obvious edge. Graduates of college from this program has enough mental age, skills, and weapons to face the working industry. It integrates well with ASEAN and the whole world's educational standard, which increases our global competitiveness. Isn't that nice?

But what is my problem?

The thing is, I'm an irregular student. It's inevitable because I'm a transferee, and I transfered without knowing that a "change" in curriculum was happening. Nonetheless, I am no different from students who failed some subjects because of emotional unpreparedness, who stopped for some time to work, help family, cure illness, carry pregnancy, and who shifted because they don't feel right with their initial Course. We are all irregulars. And once we've been labeled that, admins don't usually manage our needs well. This is just my opinion and observation and from what I've heard from my pals. Also, each college department is different, but still, life becomes harder for an irregular...

...added by the sudden change of curriculum due to K-12. Everybody---students, parents, and teachers---are saying this program was too sudden. It has been talked for so long, I know, but the implementation was tooooo "isang bagsakan".

Let me clarify first the current system of new and old curriculums sharing a uni together.

Old curriculum students can still finish their program until they graduate, in condition that they do not go irregular. All subjects in the prospectus are laid out, they just have to take it. New curriculum students will slowly enter the uni taking the new CHED curriculum. Which is nice. Good for them.

However, when an old curriculum student become irregular, it's either they will have to retake that subject by (1) suggesting to open a special class, (2) taking the equivalent subject in another course/department of your uni (3) taking the equivalent subject in new curriculum, (4) cross-enrolling/intercampusing or (5) pray to all sinners and saints and to your brothers and sisters that your parents agree that you transfer to a more lenient school that wouldn't purposely rob your family income.

These solutions have setbacks.

If you open a special class and the number of enrolees don't reach the allowable minimum, you will have to pay for the empty seat. I don't know if other unis have this system, but for poor students, this is a big problem. It's also hard explaining to our parents that our tuition has especially increased just for me because I'm a failure to my studies or failure to normalcy.

If you take an equivalent subject in another department, that is fine. This is highly most likely to help you because each department in a uni has its own pace. A department with a very large population can have slower transition or phase out. Phase out means all the students in a uni/department are new curriculum takers already. The old curriculum takers have either graduated or stopped or been kicked-out or died. If your department is very near to phasing out, there is a big danger that your subject will never be seen like your motivation in life. Also, the equivalent subject offered in another department might be entirely different which would not guarantee its educational usefulness. But you know, in these kinds of situations, WHO CARES ABOUT LEARNING? I JUST WANT TO GRADUATE!

It's a sad mentality, but sometimes, people become desperate. In addition, the units might be different in each department. For example, research is a big deal in Industrial Engineering (4 units) but not in Mechanical Engineering (2 units). You cannot take that because then, you will have to take the post-requisite research in ME that IE doesn't have. That's an extra sem, extra gastos, and extra hirap. Harsh, diba? In the end of the day, however, your department might have mercy and credit that.

Taking subject in new curriculum has almost the same problems. But... What if the old curriculum subject has no new curriculum equivalent? Well, summon your grand-lola's holy ghost, I guess?

Cross-enrolling/intercampusing is hassle and not all unis have this system. And your mother might kill you for not being loyal to her alma mater.

My current uni is also trying their best to accomodate this problem. My department is also considerate and far more organized than other departments, but then, things are harder than they seem. It's hard, exhausting, and unfair. I didn't choose to be in this time of implementation. But what can we do?

There are snobbish universities who simply don't care, and just wanna make you take units to milk you senseless. There are universities so elitist they consider irregulars as educational eyesore. (ahem, big 3, ahem).

My only wish is for the department and admins to be considerate. Students have lives. We are not just products you ignore when we fail quality control. Please credit our subjects, remove or reduce the "allowable minimum" system even just for us, and be aware of all our timelines. Encode it in excel or university intranet, for all I care, heck that shit's easy.

For parents, please be patient. We're trying our best and we want to graduate as much as you do.

For students, never, ever, jump off your uni's building, ever. If you have this kind of problem, pm me or your friends or your pets. Just don't think of doing this. I have thought of suicide multiple times, but I keep on thinking that this minor uni problem don't have the right to ruin my awesomeness. I have a country to colonize pa. And also think, if you die, your mother will kill you.

If you are an over-achiver, or if you only think you are, please do not comment that this problem is just for idiots and peasants. Like I said, we have our own circumstances, and this post isn't for you, so stay away if you just wanna show off.

And again, thank you.

This post has been so long, ano po?

#idontknowsincewhenthisblogbecamesopolitical

#fuckmylife

[kunt-dracula]

If I Were In ‘Vikings’ Headcanon~ Part 1??🤔

║Okay so I’m not as caught up on Vikings as I used to be. I might watch every few episodes and that’s if I watch it at all. Some of it’s because school is back in session and I’m at school 3 times a week from 8am to 8pm because I also work on my campus. The other reason is because my sister is getting her home renovated and so her and her 4 kids (whom are all under the age of 7) are living with me so my tvs are playing cartoons 24/7.

What I’m getting at is, if it’s inaccurate or seems highly unlikely due to events or character personality, I don’t know😂😂 but I wanted to try it so I am.║

Also

There will be quite a few changes to the storyline of the show. To simply put it, my baby Ragnar ain't dead and him and his kids get along just fine.🤣

➖

(Cartoon-ishly edited just for the occasion🤣👍🏾)

𝒦𝒾𝓎𝒶𝓉 (ky-yaht)

/I didn’t feel that my own name (Raine) would make a suitable ancient Egyptian name/

(My Attire during my teen years in Egypt)

⚜️Daughter of Pharoah Wahkare Khety III and Hetepheres.

⚜️ I didn’t have much a relationship with my mother due to the fact that she died merely a few years after my birth.

⚜️My father did what he could, but he wouldn’t stay around me much due to how much my physical likeness to my mother pained him.

⚜️I ended up spending more time with a caretaker that was assigned to me.

⚜️Around the time I was 12, he had wed another; a priestess named Ioja.

⚜️Soon after her crowning, it became sure to me what her true intentions were. Getting my father to be devoted to her and only her.

⚜️It started with her cutting into our conversations, arranging outings without telling me and making sure I had no knowledge of them at all.

⚜️When that ceased to work, she began spewing lies to my father about my ‘promiscuous’ behavior with male servants and even a few peasants.

⚜️Although I deny the allegations, it's clear to me that he's taking her side over my own.

⚜️After years of nonstop arguing between me and his wife, my father's breaking point was reached when he came upon a set of highly venomous snakes tangled within his bead sheets when he awoke one morning.

⚜️To make matters worse, each snake had a bracelet of mine he had gifted me around its body.

⚜️I was undoubtedly framed by Ioja who then tried to convince my father that I should be executed—in turn, I pointed the finger at her and made the same suggestion.

⚜️Frustrated and unsure, he had us fight one another and the defeated’s fate will be sealed.

⚜️Unfortunately, the odds were not in my favor and I was overpowered.

⚜️Not having the will not heart to slaughter me, he went against his own word and had me exiled—which didn't seem to effect Ioja at all since she had gotten what she wanted still, me out of the hierarchy.

⚜️Seemingly filled with guilt my father offered me an abundance of gifts before my departure.

⚜️I kept my clothing and jewelry and was given more, a fairly large amount of money. And him being disturbed with the idea of me being alone—the female servant that I was closest to was sent to travel with me wherever I settled.

⚜️Opwet—my older companion— had gotten me out of my funk, telling me that she was a firm believer in the concept that everything happens for a reason. [I picture her as a slightly younger Cicely Tyson😄]

⚜️Not sure of where to go, Opwet made the statement that she had not been to her birth village in decades.

⚜️My curiosity and ache for a change of scenery was all the push I needed for us to migrate to Kairouan.

⚜️Once we were settled in a home for the both of us, I had asked Opwet about her history. That was when she informed me that in her younger years she was the best healer in Egypt which led to her working for my family and then she was converted by my selfish father to be a caretaker for my mother during her pregnancy and then me.

⚜️I almost instantly asked her to teach me how to be a healer. It was always something I had wanted to do but was denied because of the written fate that my title held. But now that I was no longer royalty, what was to stop me from fulfilling my desires.

⚜️It wasn't easy. Far from it actually. There were a lot of specific procedures, rituals, and concoctions that went along with the role. It wasn't until I turned 21 that I finally got it down.

⚜️By the age of 26, I was a very well known healer throughout the city. The entrance to my home quickly became a revolving door to patients.

⚜️While caring for a pregnant woman who had been weak from it, Opwet was left with the woman while I went out to a fruit stand to purchase more mangoes. [The all natural prenatal vitamin.]

⚜️While at the stand my love for pineapples hit me and I began piling them in my arm.

⚜️One rolled off my arms and tubbles to the ground.

⚜️Contemplating just how I was going to pick it up with my arms full, someone beat me to it.

⚜️Of course, the first thing I noticed was the large pale hand holding the pineapple outstretched towards me.

⚜️The owner was a tall man. Very attractive. A great deal older than me, judging by the white strands of hair peppered his beard. Lips stretched in a crooked smile showcasing teeth that matched his skin, but what really hooked my attention were his almost glowing blue eyes.

⚜️He was someone I had never seen before but judging by his appearance he was no doubt one of the Vikings that word had circulated about through the city.

⚜️ ”Þakka þér fyrir, Viking.” {Thank you, Viking.} I say, shocking him. His shocked expression pulled a smile from me.

⚜️ ”Þú talar tungumál þjóðar minnar?” {You speak the language of my people?}

⚜️ ”aðeins nóg til að halda einfalt samtal. Þú ert ekki sá fyrsti sem ég hef haft ánægju af að hitta.” { Only enough to hold a simple conversation. You're not the first Norseman I've had the pleasure of meeting.}

⚜️I lose my focus on what I'm doing for what had to have been at least 15 minutes. It's not until the frustrated stand owner asks if I was going to pay or not, that I snap back.

⚜️Before parting ways I tell him my name and he tells me his. Ragnar Lothbrok.

⚜️That would not be the last I’d see of Ragnar Lothbrok.

⚜️He showed up at my home to talk but Opwet wasn't having it and told him that he couldn'come in unless he needed medical attention.

⚜️Not even a day later he returned to my home with injuries he had gotten during ’sparing’ but in all honesty, they looked self-inflicted.

⚜️Not a day passed that I was rubbing him down with shea butter to heal his scars. So much that I had to start using my own personal batch that I used daily. I wasn't happy about it.

⚜️Constantly having to fight with my inner ’thot’ and thoughts while doing so.

⚜️He was fascinated and distracted by 3 things: my hair, my skin and mostly my derriere.😒

⚜️Had the nerve to ask if I was I had stolen goods hidden under my dress. 🍑

⚜️”Did you just touch my rear?”

⚜️”Sorry I thought it was—what’s the name of that large fruit? ...Watermelon yes. I simply thought it was a watermelon, especially in that green dress.”

⚜️Opwet: *eating a peach in the corner*

⚜️When it got dark, he would attempt to stay the night. Again Opwet didn't play that and she would make him leave.😆

⚜️In all, he was impressed with my skills and stated that they could really use someone like me in Kattegat and asked if I would consider going back with him. Shocked, I told him I would think about it.

⚜️It was then that he told me about himself. He was in his 50s but obviously very fit for his age being that I thought he was much younger. His son was the current king of Kattegat. A role he had given up once he got older, though he still had authority over the village.

⚜️When it was his last day in Kairouan, I couldn't help but ponder over my dilemma. Opwet only persuaded me to go. She restated her believe that everything happened for a reason and that I was being offered an opportunity that I should take.

⚜️ I did want to go but I didn't want to leave her. She wanted to stay and help the people of Kairouan and kept persuading me to leave for Kattegat to do the same for their people.

⚜️She was nearly relentless and finally got me to leave with Lothbrok. To a new world and a new beginning.

[Near the end I got lazy. I was tired, sorry. 😆

I'm not sure if this is even good or not. I was higher than the clouds when I wrote it.🚬

I'm kinda tempted to do a part 2 on when I'm actually in Kattegat but that all will depend on how y’all react to this.]

[hannaaahty]

Sobrang mainstream kung magpopost ako ng ganto on the night of the 31st, so ngayon ko na gagawin. Besides, ayokong ipublicize lahat ng struggles ko sa FB, Twitter and IG...dahil ayokong magmukhang fragelita. char.ahaha. Himala na lang kung matunton to ng pamilya ko, close friends, or other people close to me. Hahaha.

Trigger warning.

This time last year, I was so close to ending my life because of too many things. Pero sa lahat ng yon, ang pakikipag tunggalian sa sarili kong thoughts ang battle na pinaka nahirapan akong harapin. Para sa akin, making decisions should not be a conscious effort, dahil natotorture ko ang sarili ko tuwing naiisip kong kelangan ko mag decide. I am very indecisive and impulsive. I rely on random energy spikes everyday. Pero hindi ko alam na ang ugali kong ganun ang magdadala sa akin sa despair.

Alam kong maling binabalikan ang nakaraan dahil masakit lang.. Pero I always try to look back kasi those struggles made me who I am now. My birthday last year was a horrible day. Halos wala akong kinausap, maski boyfriend ko nun. I was forced by my family to get out of the room..but I just can’t. I felt like a total piece of shit. Hahahaha. A few weeks after, I was molested and raped. Alam ko na sa sarili kong depressed ako at may anxiety, pero that night was the first night that I felt my whole being giving up. I deactivated my FB, said goodbye to my closest friends and told my boyfriend that “I’m just gonna go to sleep.” I was ready. Honestly ready... until after a few minutes, I saw a beam of light out of nowhere. Hindi ko alam kung totoo ang miracles o kung totoo ang Diyos dahil para sa akin, everything is just a social construct. Pero after seeing that light, bumalik ang diwa ko,  I cried so much and put my airplane mode off out of nowhere. At ang unang nag appear sa notifs ko was Niko (a close friend). He simply told me, “Bumalik ka ng elbi. Magusap tayo.” And  that was it. I apologized to myself and I kept crying and crying lang. When my heart was finally ready to go back to elbi, Niko was just there. And I cried to him. Inipon ko lahat ng guts para makwento sa kanya lahat ng nangyari. After talking to him, hinatid niya ako sa dorm ko at pagkauwi ko, nagset siya ng rules kung paano ako makakarecover. #1 was, wag ako mag airplane mode. Hahahahaha. Tangina nun. Then, we promised to let go of our toxic attitudes at magbabago kami sa 2018. Niko was there until kinaya ko nang makarecover mag isa. He’s the friend everyone wishes for. He’s an angel.

And then 2018 came. I met Kassi. Seatmates kami sa  SFI 100 at groupmates sa lab. We instantly got close when one day, I told her I can’t go to our fieldwork because inaatake ako ng anxiety. Out of nowhere, she appeared in my dorm and talked to me about it. We talked and talked until hindi na namin napapansing umiiyak kami. Hahahaha. After that, we cooked food and slept and talked again until matapos yung araw. That was the start of our friendship. Just like Niko, Kassi was just there. She held me until I was ready to get back up again.

On the early months of 2018, nagkaproblema kami ng boyfriend ko. On-off kami. One day, okay. The next day, parang hindi kami magjowa. That went on and on until one day, nagising na lang ako sa katotohanang tama na. Di na dapat pinipilit ang wala na kahit last year pa dapat kami naghiwalay. Wala nang may  willing mag effort sa amin. Wala na ring willing mangausap. We weren’t strong enough...the both of us. Although I tried working it out, pero one day, he cheated on me. He slept with a person who likes him, while flirting with another girl. Pinilit kong intindihin pero wala na talaga eh. Haha. We ended in good terms because hindi ko idedeny na isa siya sa mga dahilan kung bakit andito pa rin ako today. He has such a good heart and I hope one day, he finally finds the answers he’s been looking for since he lost his parents.

Kasabay ng breakup namin ni Lawrence, nanalo ako sa student council...again. Masaya, syempre. Because bagong mukha ang mga nakikita ko. At hindi ko inaasahang magiging ganun ang takbo ng eleksyon. From #1 last year, I became #3. Pero it was fine. Natuto akong tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa habang nagtuturo sa iba. For the first time, I felt the burden sa  eleksyon. Hahaha. I had to train my slatemates while training myself at the same time. Isama mo pa yung acads, yung problema sa jowa, yung anxiety at yung lagi akong nagkakasakit physically. I was almost diagnosed with pneumonia that semester. I met people who broke my heart. I met people who healed it. The early part of 2018 was such a roller coaster ride. Pero I knew and I was certain that this year.... I am going to change. And I was right.

August. I resigned in my position sa student council. Napakabigat na desisyon, pero I had to do it for the greater good. I realized na maybe this sem should be a sem full of pahinga. Full of recovery. Dahil alam ko sa sarili kong kapag tinuloy tuloy ko pa, baka mawala na naman ako sa sarili ko. Baka maulit yung nakaraang taon. Dito ko naramdamang I should be mature enough to recognize my mistakes and be able to get back up without Kassi, Lawrence, or Niko.I went back to zero. Literally zero. I was lost, but this time, I knew where to start. I started with the question “What would Hannah do?” and bam. The only answer that I got was “She listens to her heart.” and there. I looked back to the things that I loved doing...na ang tagal ko nang hindi ginagawa dahil sa depression ko. I was ready to embrace them again. Siguro kaya malungkot ang mundo dahil tinatalikuran natin ang mga bagay na mahal natin para sa conformity. And that moment, I bent that rule. Because I wanted my heart to be completely happy. I got rid of my daily college routine. I went back to digital design, drawing, typography, photography and performing arts. I shared my passion to the world. I taught kids how to do public speaking, I created my portfolio, and I became open to freelance work.

On the same month, I met Spiro. No words. Just pure love. Our relationship for three months gave me strength and courage to be mature not only for the both of us, but for my life as a whole. He’s the best work of art I have ever seen and I don’t think anyone can ever measure the love and happiness I felt the moment I first knew that someone like him exists. Love. Just love. Always.

My birthday was simple lang this year. Tahimik. Pero masaya. I was with Spiro in the morning, I ate my favorite Spaghetti with Papa and Ate in the afternoon, and did some paperworks lang in the night. It was simple, but it was very meaningful.

After a few weeks, I decided to stop my freelance work and settle for a corporate job. I applied in several famous brands as Graphic Designer, and I was called for several interviews, but did not pursue them because 1) lagi kaming late nagigising ni Spiro (hahaha) and 2) one of my mantras is: if the universe gave you a sign, that’s it. Pursue it. And after how many days of indecisiveness, an online bag brand contacted me for an interview in BGC. I remember I was too lazy to go, since wala kaming tulog ni Spiro (haha) pero naging sign siguro yung pinipilit ako ng Papa ko sumama sa kanya sa Makati, so I decided to give it a try. And a few days after, I was called for a final interview. I still remember the feeling. Yung ang saya saya na bigla akong nagka breakdown sa CR. Nakakahiya. Hahahahahaha. Kasi alam mo yon. I was so close to death last year, at kung ginawa ko yon, hindi ko mamimeet si Spiro. Hindi ko makukuha ang trabahong to. Hindi ako matututong magpatawad, magsurrender at mag let go. Hindi ko marerealize na ang sarap pala mabuhay kahit systemic ang probolema ng mundo (charararat). At higit sa lahat, hindi ko matututunang sumubok ulit. Grabe ka, Hannah Ty. Dami mong pinagdaanan. Charz.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko pa rin alam ginagawa ko. Hahahaha. Ngayong December, fucked up person pa rin ako at hindi ko itatanggi yan. Hahahahaha. May masakit pa rin somewhere deep inside me. Andyan pa rin ang fears ko. Nandyan pa rin yung confusion minsan. Andyan pa rin yung uncertainty sa future ko. Marami pang kailangang harapin, pero ang layo na ng narating natin, self. The simple fact na you were able to get out of your room on the day na you were supposed to kill yourself, that’s a big step for you na. Look where it brought you. To recovery. To Spiro’s arms. To Fetch Bella.

If there’s one thing that I could tell everybody, that is sometimes, we have to listen to what our heart speaks when all else fails to do so. Maski sa simpleng desisyon na “I don’t feel like doing it pa.” Then don’t. Do not torture yourself too much. If your heart wants to rest, rest. Pero don’t let it stay that way. Get up when you’re ready. Decide when you’re all good. Reach out when you’re finally ready to speak. Sometimes, we don’t have to decide impulsively. Sometimes, it’s okay to not know yourself yet. You will be fine. You will be okay. That’s for sure.

Now these are the memories I had for this year. Believe me, I tried my best to save the pictures and not cry. Hahahahahaha. At so far, wala pa namang luhang tumutulo. Lol.

To everyone na nasa photos, mahal ko kayo. Sobra. You have my admiration, always.Thanks for letting me be part of your 2018, and please remember that you made my year so memorable. I am always grateful for all of you.

Self, this is it. You’re getting older na... and getting more emotional. Hahahahaha. Buhay single ka na naman puta ka. Char. Hahahaha. I love you! Always and always and always and forever! You are so loved! Here’s to more kakulitan with you!