#but yes you drew stars around my scars And now I'm bleeding | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

buffyromanoff · 2 years ago

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''Let it out''

Inspired by the Taylor Swift lyric ''you drew stars around my scars but now im bleeding'' submitted by anon and @wifeofnatasharomanoff.

Summary: After being gone on a months-long mission, Natasha needs your support...but she doesn't realize it till its too late.

Warnings: Ptsd related panic attack.

Genre: Slight angst, fluffy comfort

Word count: 1.3k

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‘‘Y/n, may I speak with you privately?’’ Nick Fury asked as you were about to leave after a meeting.

‘‘Uh, yes, of course, boss. What is it?’’ you replied.

‘Why don't you have a seat, Agent?’ Fury gestured towards a chair.

The look on his face gave it away. It was about Natasha.

‘Is she okay?’ Your voice trembled as you fought back your tears that were ready to come out.

‘Physically, she is fine, but... she's going to need you.’ Nick slid a leave document across the table. ‘I just need you to sign this, and then you're free to go home.’

‘Where is she? What the hell happened?!’ You demanded answers. Fury was always so secretive.

‘We'll be bringing her home to you as soon as you get there.’

And so you did. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst, you drove home and waited for them to bring your girlfriend back to you.

--------------------------------------

The past few days had been bittersweet. You were thrilled to have Nat back home with you after her months-long mission with the rest of the team, but it weighed on you to see her suffering.

Natasha was a private person when it came to her trauma. It wasn't because she didn't trust you, but rather she didn't want to burden you with her struggles. Since her return, she had managed to hide it well. After that conversation with Fury, you expected her to be shattered and completely broken…except she wasn't, at least not for the first few days.

You could say Nat was an amazing actress, but you noticed her mask was starting to fade away.

‘Wow, that smells good,’ Nat said as she entered the kitchen.

‘It does, doesn't it? I hope it tastes as good as it smells, though,’ you giggled.

‘I'm sure it will, malyshka.’ She gave you a quick kiss on the cheek and sat on the counter with her book.

"We have perfectly good sofas and chairs in case you didn't know’’ you teased with sarcasm.

‘Meh, I prefer to sit here.’ Her cat, Liho, jumped on the counter with her. ‘Up here, I have a pretty good view of the sexy chef.’ She whispered teasingly, causing you to blush.

Liho started jumping around the kitchen counters, making a mess.

‘Nat, please control your cat before he jumps on the stove and burns his whiskers off.’

‘Hey, come here, little one,’ she called, but it was useless. Liho was in a playful mood and he was not taking orders from anyone.

The cat ran behind a pile of pots and pans, causing them to slide off the counter and crash onto the floor, creating a loud noise that made your heart skip a beat.

‘Jesus Christ, that scared me so bad, Liho, you little...’ You turned around, laughing, only to find your girlfriend standing in the corner, hyperventilating.

‘Nat?’ You reached out your arm, but she pushed you away.

‘Baby, it's me. It's okay, you're safe.’ Your voice shifted into a comforting tone, allowing her to keep her distance. She wasn't looking at you.

‘Try to take a deeeeep breath, baby.’

Natasha struggled to breathe, her hand clutching her chest. You took a deep breath yourself, hoping she would follow along. ‘And then you let it out slowly.’

Your girlfriend raised her eyes to you and tried to do as you said.

‘‘There you go, that's good, honey. Keep going.’’ Natasha's eyes were watering, but her breathing was starting to return to normal.

‘’Can I come closer?’’ You asked, and she nodded.

As soon as you got close, she grabbed your arm tightly.

‘I'm here, Natty. You're okay. You're having a panic attack.’

She couldn't speak yet, but you could see the relief in her eyes that you were there with her.

You held her close, gently rubbing circles on her back, feeling her body tremble less and less. ‘Do you recognize my perfume? It's the one you got me. I wear it every day.’

It was working. Making her focus on her senses was grounding her back to normal.

And then something happened: Natasha started sobbing in front of you for the first time.

Your heart sank as you held her even closer. She was falling apart, and you were the only thing she could rely on.

‘Don’t hold back, honey. Let it out.’ And she did until she ran out of tears.

Showers were her safe place. She always took her time with them, as the warm water usually helped her muscles relax after a battle. It was a calming and soothing experience for her.

You helped Nat undress, and what you saw broke your heart. Her body was covered in dark bruises and scratches. You had no idea how this woman was able to move around like nothing had happened while hiding both the physical and psychological pain. But that's Natasha, strong inside and out.

You sat on the toilet seat while she showered, until you heard the water turn off and she opened the shower curtain.

You wrapped her in a towel and gave her a soft kiss on her cheek.

‘Thank you, Y/n,’ she mumbled, giving you a sad smile.

Back in the bedroom, Natasha was feeling better. She sipped tea from her favorite mug, wearing your pink Hello Kitty pajama pants. She looked adorable. You sat on the bed next to her, playing with her hair and stealing little kisses whenever you could.

Suddenly, her stomach growled and you both looked at each other. She laughed.

‘Hungry, baby?’ You teased.

‘I wonder what gave it away…’’. Her sarcastic response made you sigh in relief. She was definitely feeling better.

You both ate the reheated dinner, and since it had gotten quite late for a movie, you went straight to bed.

Her head rested on your chest and you held her as close as possible.

‘Sorry about all this, malyshka,’ she said. ‘You shouldn't be dealing with this.’

‘Nat-’

‘I mean it,’ she interrupted. ‘I wish I wasn't so broken.’

‘You're not broken, Nat. You're just going through a rough patch’’ you replied.

‘Seems like my life has just been a long, messed-up road, then’’ She mumbled while snuggling closer to your chest.

‘Have you heard of kintsugi?’’. Your question caught her by surprise, and she responded with a vague ‘hmm?’.

‘It's a Japanese art form in which they repair broken pottery by filling the cracks with gold lacquer. They don't hide the cracks; they display them openly, creating something new and beautiful. It teaches us to embrace flaws and find beauty in the process of healing, you know?’

Natasha started giggling.

‘What's so funny?’ You asked, confused.

‘Nothing, I just didn't know I was dating such a poetic soul,’ she teased.

‘Oh, fuck off,’ you laughed and she stole a kiss from you.

‘You're magical, Y/n. Did you know that? I don't know what I would do without you,’ Nat said.

‘Guess you'll never find out because you're never going to get rid of me.’

‘Lucky me,’ Natasha said, wrapping her leg over your body.

‘But seriously, you don't have to hide your feelings from me. I love you with all my heart, Nat. I'm always going to be here for you, no matter how bad things get’’. You reassured her.

‘Thank you, my darling. I love you too.’

‘To the moon?’ You asked, raising your eyebrow.

And smiling, Nat replied. ‘‘And to Saturn,’

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x fem #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #natasha romanoff x gender neutral reader #natasha romanoff x gender neutral #natasha romanoff angst #natasha romanoff fluff #black widow x fem!reader #black widow x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #scarlett johansson #marvel

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alyana-luvs-u · 2 months ago

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Marauders Masterlist

🐾🦌🐀🐺🍫🧙🏻‍♂️

lilyflower ~ james potter

summary: james promises he was over lily, until you catch them kissing at the party

'but i watch your eyes as she walks by, what a sight for sore eyes'

🐾🦌🐀🐺🍫🧙🏻‍♂️

starry scars ~ sirius black

summary: only you truly understand him

'you drew stars around my scars, and now i'm bleeding'

🐾🦌🐀🐺🍫🧙🏻‍♂️

rockstar ~ sirius black

summary: during a concert, you direct a song towards the lead guitarist

'cause after all this time i'm still into you'

🐾🦌🐀🐺🍫🧙🏻‍♂️

the night we met ~ remus lupin

summary: you realise your relationship was doomed from the start

'oh take me back to the night we met'

🐾🦌🐀🐺🍫🧙🏻‍♂️

the way i loved you ~ regulus black

summary: you can't help but compare regulus to his brother

'cause i miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain, and it's 2am and i'm cursing your name'

🐾🦌🐀🐺🍫🧙🏻‍♂️

PART OF FAIRYTALE MASTERLIST

beauty and the beast ~ scars - remus lupin

summary: remus lupin never was the beast. he always was the beauty.

'i would never again until i found her

🐾🦌🐀🐺🍫🧙🏻‍♂️

princess and the frog ~ padfoot - sirius black

summary: sirius gets stuck as a dog, and only a true loves kiss can save him

'its a love story, baby just say yes'

#y/n #harry potter #marauders #regulus black #sirius black #james potter #remus lupin #marauders era #harry potter marauders #y/n x marauders #marauders x reader #aly's lomls

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amethystfairy1 · 1 year ago

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Tango Needs a Shower

I've seen this question come up a couple times in the comments of 'Everything and More' which is Zedango's debut fic for TTSBC, and so I thought I'd take the opportunity to expand my thoughts on it here for my first worldbuilding/spitballing post!

Or y'know...whatever snazzier name I can come up with for them 😳

SO BASICALLY...

I think some of you may be keeping up with my other currently WIP AU, 'Traveling Thieves' which I do plan to expand, and try and add to this blog and discuss over here as well once I start working on it more again. I just haven't really done much with it in the past few weeks, but I ASSURE YOU I WILL RETURN TO IT. In that series, there is a fic that fulfills a whumptober prompt called 'You drew stars around my scars, but now I'm bleeding.' and it is a Zed & Tango fic...you could read it as a Zedango pre-relationship fic, but whatever interpretation is up to you.

Point is, in that fic, SPOILER ALERT, Tango is 'burned' by water.

Which understandably threw some of you for a loop when I mentioned Tango taking a shower in TTSBC. And so I thought I'd clarify that blaze-born traits are gonna be different between the two AUs, and for TTSBC it will be as follows....it's essentially the same way scalding/boiling water would burn a human, but in reverse. So Tango showers with scalding/boiling hot water, and he doesn't spend much time in it. Blaze-borns don't like water for the most part, but hey, hygiene is as hygiene does, so you still gotta shower sometimes. If the water is extremely, extremely hot, it could be pleasant, but considering keeping water at that high of a temperature through a showerhead isn't exactly the easiest thing in the world, Tango just sucks it up with as hot as he can manage to get it. Which is still pretty freaking hot. Cold/cooler water would have the same effect on him that scalding/boiling water would have on anyone else. It would scald/burn him. Bonus points if he isn't expecting it and it hits his flares or blaze-rods before he can dim them, that's like x2 damage. Ouchies. And before you ask yes, yes we will be revisiting this concept.

As far as worldbuilding goes, I do like the idea that blaze-born pyres in the under-city form around natural hot springs/lava flows in the tunnels distant from the main cavern, but I dunno if that'll ever come up/become canon, that's just me spitballing.

Sooooooo...

TL:DR: Tango showers with scalding/boiling hot water, but cold/cooler water would burn/scald him.🔥🫖🔥

The fics mentioned in this post are ⬇️

#fanfic #ao3 fanfic #through the sky blue cracks #hermitcraft #traffic smp #zedaph #zedango #traveling thieves au #worldbuilding #ramblings

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mj-iza-writer · 1 year ago

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Whumptober Day 27

"You drew stars around my scars, but now I'm bleeding" / Matches / Scars / "Let me see."

Whumper came home for a quick bite before continuing their nightly vampiric fun.

"Whumpee come here", they commanded, "Blood Bag, I need your neck", they yelled sarcastically.

Whumper quickly checked the rooms.

Their glowing eyes darkened in frustration. They slammed several doors on their way out of the house, managing to break a mirror.

Whumpee quickly darted through the night crowds. They interweaved with the drug users and the erotic dancers, anything they could do to mask their scent.

They tucked a few pieces of trash in their pockets and kept running.

They were about to round a corner when a foot came out of nowhere. Whumpee tripped and fell to the ground on their stomach. They gasped trying to catch their breath

"What are you doing?", a familiar voice asked as their hand reached down and grabbed a fist full of hair, and lifted Whumpee up.

Whumpee winced and quickly stood to their feet, following the direction their hair was being pulled.

"Please don't", Whumpee gasped, and reached for the person's wrist.

"Don't what, punish you?", the person pulled Whumpee's head to their own lips to whisper in their ear, "I give you freedom in my home, and you use that to run away. Do you want to be tied to the chair again? That will make you a lot easier for me to access, I don't have to let you be free in my house, I'm doing that to be nice."

"Please, I'm sorry", Whumpee winced as their hair was tugged around.

"We are going to walk home now, got it", Whumper hissed, "if you make a scene and draw attention to us, I will kill everyone there. That will be a lot of blood on your hands."

Whumper released their grip on Whumpee, "do I make myself clear."

"Yes", Whumpee was on the verge of tears.

"Walk then", Whumper pointed, then followed.

Whumpee whimpered as they both walked through the crowd of people. They kept their eyes to the ground, not wanting to put others in danger.

Once home, Whumper pushed Whumpee into a chair and tied them down.

"Please I won't run", Whumpee sobbed.

"It's almost morning, you'll sleep here so I know I won't have any surprises when I wake up", Whumper finished a knot.

"I come home to get a drink, and you're gone. I waste the rest of my night hunting you down", Whumper ranted, "I literally, just, you have everything you need. Food, water, clothes, everything you require. Your living condition is more than fair. Better than most blood slaves I've seen."

"It's not enough when you are forced to be a slave, and to be fed from", Whumpee glared at Whumper, "I don't want this life, I want my old life."

Whumper groaned and rubbed their face, "that life doesn't exist anymore, you sold yourself."

Whumpee looked down sadly.

"Exactly", Whumper crossed their arms, "you sold yourself, don't make me out to be the bad guy, I'm only trying to survive. You willingly signed your life away, and I paid for you."

Whumpee felt their eyes tear up. Unfortunately, that was the truth, and they hated every bit of it. They looked down at the floor.

Whumper rolled their eyes, "I'm sorry to bring up such a touchy subject, but you've really pissed me off tonight. Remember, I don't have to do nice things for you. I just have to keep you alive."

"Why do you then, you make that threat daily, why do you", Whumpee stated.

"Because I actually think about you and your needs", Whumper collapsed on the couch, "plus your blood doesn't taste good when your miserable."

"I'm sorry", Whumpee mumbled, "for running away."

Whumper sighed, "there's a start at least."

"Are you going to feed from me, ma-master?", Whumpee shook.

"Yes, though you smell like the streets, which isn't that appealing", Whumper sighed.

Whumper went behind Whumpee and pushed their hair to the side. Their neck was covered in scars from their feedings.

"I only need a little", Whumper stated before sinking their fangs into Whumpee's neck.

"Ymph", Whumpee grimaced as the fangs went into their skin. You never truly get used to that sensation.

Whumper took a few gulps, then sighed.

"Okay, I don't know what you walked through, but I need you to shower. *snif snif* gag, pronto... ", Whumper groaned, and held their nose, "you smell so bad."

"Oh", Whumpee tried to reach for their pockets, but remembered they were tied down, "I put some trash in my pockets to cover my scent."

"Really, you were that desperate", Whumper frowned, and reached for Whumpee's pockets, "am I that bad?"

"You are so disgusting", Whumper gagged when they pulled out the trash, "shower now, I'll dispose of this."

Whumpee couldn't hide a grin while Whumper untied them.

"I'm glad you're amused", Whumper complained.

"Whumper's one weakness, their senses are stronger than they should be", Whumpee rubbed their wrist.

"Tell me about it", Whumper carried the trash like it was the plague, "shower now, you can have breakfast after. We'll go to bed soon after that."

Whumpee hurried to the bathroom, quick enough not to see the broken glass on the floor.

They screamed as their bare foot flayed open.

Whumper came running.

They smelt the blood before they saw it.

"Shit, I must have broken the mirror when I was looking for you", Whumper hurried to lift Whumpee up and carry them into the bathroom, "let me see", he pulled Whumpee's foot into view.

Whumpee shook trying not to scream as Whumper licked the blood.

"Let's let my saliva do its thing. The bleeding should stop shortly, plus it's being disinfected", Whumper looked over the Whumpee's foot, "I'm glad no glass got stuck."

Whumpee sobbed, "it hurts, Whumper it really hurts."

"I-I know Whumpee, I'm sorry", Whumper looked at the foot again, "the bleeding is stopping so that good, we will have to keep it cleaned. Never say I don't do anything nice, because I just licked your nasty foot."

Whumpee gave a small smile as tears fell down their face, "I guess you won't have to worry about me running away for a while."

"I guess not", Whumper sighed, "I don't think you'll be walking around for a while. You got yourself pretty deep."

Whumpee whimpered, "I think my adrenaline is going down, im about to pass o...."

Whumper pulled them close as they went unconscious, "you lost more blood than I would have liked. Your body caught up with you."

Whumpee's smell migrated into Whumper's senses.

"I guess I'm giving you a bath", Whumper sighed, "there's no way I'm allowing you to smell like this", Whumper rested Whumpee on the bathroom floor, and went to prepare the tub, "a bath might help your body a little anyways."

Whumpee made small noises as Whumper cleaned them, and dressed them.

Whumpee woke up two hours later on the couch. They found a note by their hand.

"I went ahead and gave you a bath while you were unconscious. Your foot is cleaned and bandaged and should heal on its own. Try not to use it too much while I'm asleep, at least. I had to go to my coffin. I'll be up at the normal time. I left some snacks and drinks for you and some other things to entertain you so you wouldn't get up, so please rest. Lastly, I cleaned the glass and blood up, so hopefully no more accidents. I'll see you when the sun goes down, Whumper."

Whumpee reached for a snack and squirmed into the couch to get comfortable.

Their foot throbbed a little at the movements.

They winced, and wiped a stray tear.

"Pain in the neck", they sighed, "pun intended."

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all. @villainsandheroes @the-beasts-have-arrived @sacredwrath @porschethemermaid @monarchthefirst @generic-whumperz @bloodyandfrightened

#whumptober2023 #no.2 #no.3 #vampire whump #vampire whumper #oc #writing #blood #cut by glass #blood sucking #whump community #whump stuff #whump writing #whump ideas #whumpee #whump #whump scenario #whumper #caretaking

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happilyfangirling · 2 years ago

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in my dream last night I had a Taylor Swift merch box arrive at my house (number one clue that I am in fact dreaming, like I could afford merch), and inside was some merch that does not, in fact, exist but some of it was absolutely brilliant.

INCLUDING a pack of band aids that just had stars drawn on them (yes, taylor's hand drawn stars from THAT post) with no other explanation but everyone knew. you drew stars around my scars but now I'm bleeding. perfect. 10/10 merch idea subconscious.

#taylor swift #t-swift #cardigan #stars do you like dem

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ezrasageisajellyfish · 8 months ago

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I'm bored and sad so here my favorite Taylor swift lyrics for some songs

the 1 - "if one had been different would everything be different today"

the afterglow - "Tell me that we'll be just fine even when I lose my mind"

the albatross - "wise men once said one bad seed kills the garden"

all too well (yes there are multiple but this song murders me mentally) - "maybe we got lost in translation maybe I asked for too much" "maybe this thing was a masterpiece til you tore it all up" "I'm in a new hell everytime you double cross my mind" "the idea you had of me who was she?"

the archer (this also has multiple but idc its a banger) "I've got a hundred thrown out speeches I almost said to you" "easy they come easy they go" "help me hold on to you" "can you see right through me" "I see right through me"

august - "I remember thinking I had you" "wanting was enough for me it was enough" "to live for the hope of it all" "you weren't mine to lose"

back to December - "if we loved again I swear I'd love you right"

better man - "saying to myself you know you had to do it" "sometimes in the middle of the night I can feel you again"

the black dog - "and I may never open up the way I did for you" "and tail between your legs your leaving" "and I move through the world with the heartbroken" "six weeks breathing clean air and I still miss the smoke"

the bolter - "Oh we must stop meeting like this" "there's escape in escaping"

cardigan - "you drew stars around my scars but now I'm bleeding" "stepping on the last train marked me like a bloodstain" "trying change the ending" "leaving like a father running like water" "when you are young they assume u know nothing" "but I knew you'd linger like a tattoo you kissed" "knew you'd haunt all of my what ifs" "knew the smell of smoke would hang around this long cause i knew everything when I was young" "knew I'd curse you for the longest time" "I knew you'd come back to me"

champagne problems (warning this is my favorite song so this gonna be long) - "because I dropped your hand while dancing" "you told your family for a reason you couldn't keep it in" "your heart was glass I dropped it" "love slipped beyond your reaches and I couldn't give a reason" "this dorm was once a madhouse I made a joke well its made for me" "how evergreen our group of friends don't think we'll say that word again" "I never was ready so I watch you go" "sometimes you just don't know the answer till someone's on their knees and asks you" "She would have made such a lovely bride what a shame she's fucked in the head they said" "she'll patch up your tapestry that I shred" "never leave you stranded" "you won't remember all my champagne problems"

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus - "and you just watched it happen" "just say i loved you the way that you were" "you needed me but you needed drugs more and I couldn't watch it happen" "all to outrun my desertion of you"

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thefictionalgirl · 1 year ago

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It's night and you just lazily lie down on your bed. Your cotton sleepwear and the blanket slowly and slowly are merging into one, giving you a comfortable time. The moisturiser you applied before going to bed seems to give away a familiar fragrance. You take a breath and nonchalantly run your fingers through your hairs. An unearthly quietness filled the dark room, the bedsheet is cold, so you move a little to the side and your palm touches the warmth of your body dwelling on the bed sheet. You pick your phone up from the bedside table to check the time, but subconsciously you opened your whatsapp. When you realise, it is too late not to think about the things you're missing, maybe it's the nightlife of teenage dreams, a bunch of chats and a lot of sugar coated memories that once turned out to be something bitter. Your ears make you aware of your sighs and a little burn in the nose absolutely informs you about the sudden rain, of course the rain which is only meant to fall on your pillow. And then you just lie straight on the bed, putting your phone down, staring at the ceiling, your face, taking a bath in the hotspring. You always forget to check the time.

As you don't feel sleepy, you again take your phone and bring it so close to your face, safely, you don't want to make the same mistake of dropping it on your face again. 2 am, it is. Then you go to spotify and search up “Cardigan by Taylor Swift”, it shows up and you hit the play button. Closing your eyes after a warm rain shower makes you feel a bit uneasy but you still keep them closed. Flipping your phone down on your chest, you hum along with her voice. You know she always gets it, she gets everyone who is in pain. Gulping a lump of melancholy down your throat, you rub your forehead a little, a bit restless and a lot hurt,

escaping has never been easy. You wonder how some people can break and hold your heart at the same time. You wonder if anybody understands how helpless it makes one feel. Her voice always finds a way to get into your soul, the words always give you a sense of relief.

Yes, as if it's really okay to feel like this. As if it's really okay to sing out loud,

“You drew stars, around my scars and now I'm bleeding.”

✒mystica

Picture source : Pinterest

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whumptober · 1 year ago

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Hi! Is it ok to use the title of one prompt for the fic of another if tagged properly? eg. Using the title 'You drew stars, around my scars, but now I'm bleeding' for prompt no.4 (Cattle Prod/Shock/'You in there?')?

It's confusing for our rebloggers, but yes, you can do that. Proper tags will help clarify for our hardworking reblog fairies

#mod yenn #asks

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greyeyedmonster-18 · 2 years ago

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you are the first person I thought of who could answer this question for me, if you feel so inclined. I saw this post i kinda scrolled past but have been thinking about where the op jokingly yet very intentionally mentioned Taylor Swift writing a song about wolfstar? I'm only realizing now as I type this that op totally used that sentence loosely to describe a song of hers that they thought fit r+s but now I'm wondering if you have songs YOU associate with them?

oh hello anon, yes i love this thank you for asking.

cardigan, because...yeah. you drew stars around my scars and now I'm bleeding

untouchable; untouchable burning brighter than the sun//and when you're close i feel like coming undone;

forever winter; id say i love you even at your darkest

also bestie @femme--de--lettres and i have had multiple conversations about the entirety of reputation relating to wolfstar but that's a fic collection for another day <3

#asks #grey answers #taylor swift tag

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fkevin073 · 2 years ago

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yes!! alys is james, no doubts!

jace is august because they grew up together loving and protecting each other, after that she and aemond parted ways. and i suppose he knows that alysanne will always love aemond, but he is still there for her and wants to be her first choice (“i remember thinkin’ i had you. cause you weren’t mine to lose.�� = august )

and aemond is betty of course, he and alys will always love each other despite getting hurt, they always try to get back to what they have, but then alys obviously chooses her family and jace over him, and i think aemond will feel hurt cause she already chose jace over him once, so he knows that something happens between them, and he's afraid of losing her, but he'll always love her anyway. ( “you drew stars around my scars, but now i'm bleeding. i knew i’d curse you for the longest time.” = betty / cardigan )

sorry for so much analysis!! but i love the folklore love triangle and relating it to everything lol ❤️

ahh omg I love this!

And I think you've hit the nail right on the head with what Jace wants from Alysanne, even though he's never said it to anyone. He knows what she lost that night on Driftmark, but one of his greatest fears is that she regrets it and wishes she had done nothing. His feelings will be explored a lot more in the upcoming chapters.

And yeah, Aemond and Alysanne are definitely not the healthiest, but I think what stands out about them is that they're trying. They were forced apart because of their families bad blood, and they're always trying to find each other and build that peace that was so close within their grasp. They haunt each other. All they want is to keep working on their relationship, and circumstances keep forcing them apart time and time again.

thanks for the ask!

#i kept you like an oath

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dancersmirrorball · 5 months ago

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Taylor Swift Folklore Sentence Starters

Tracks 1-4

"I'm doing good I'm on some new shit, been saying yes instead of no."

"I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though."

"If you wanted me, you really should have showed."

"But we were something, don't you think so?"

"If my wishes came true, it would have been you."

"If one thing had been different, would everything be different today?"

"When you are young, they assume you know nothing."

"You put me on and said I was your favorite."

"A friend to all, is a friend to none."

"To kiss in cars and downtown bars, was all we needed."

"You drew stars around my scars, but now I'm bleeding."

"I knew you, leaving like a father, running like water."

"How did a middle-class divorcée do it?"

"The wedding was charming, if a little gauche, there's only so far new money goes."

"Their parties were tasteful, if a little loud."

"There goes the last great American dynasty."

"Who knows if she/he/they never showed up, what could have been?"

"I had a marvellous time, ruining everything."

"And it took you five whole minutes, to pack us up and leave me with it, holding all this love out here in the hall."

"I think I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending."

"You were my crown, now I'm exile seeing you out."

"There is no amount of crying I can do for you."

"You didn't even hear me out, you never gave a warning sign."

"I gave so many signs."

Tracks 5-8

"If I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too."

"I swear I loved you, 'til my dying day."

"I didn't have it in myself to go with grace, cause when I'd fight you used to tell me I was brave."

"And if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed, look at how my tears ricochet."

"I can go anywhere I want, just not home."

"And I still talk to you, when I'm screaming at the sky."

"I'll show you every version of yourself tonight."

"And when I break it's in a million pieces."

"Hush, I know they said the end is near."

"I can change everything about me to fit in."

"And they called off the circus, burned the disco down."

"I've never been a natural, all I do is try."

"Are there still beautiful things?"

"Cross your heart, won't tell no other."

"Love you to the moon and to Saturn."

"Passed down like folk songs, the love lasts so long."

"I've been meaning to tell you, I think your house is haunted."

"Then you won't have to cry, or hide in the closet."

"Whispers, of "are you sure?" Never have I ever before."

"I can see us lost in the memory, August slipped away into a moment in time, cause it was never mine."

"Your back beneath the sun, wishing I could write my name on it."

"Back when we were still changing for the better, wanting was enough, for me it was enough."

"To live for the hope of it all, cancelled plans just in case you called."

"Meet me behind the mall."

Tracks 9-12

"I've been having a hard time adjusting, I had the shiniest wheels now they're rusting."

"I have a lot of regrets about that."

"I'm here in your doorway."

"I just wanted you to know, that this is me trying."

"My words shoot to kill when I'm mad."

"You're a flashback in a film reel, on the one screen in my town."

"What started in beautiful rooms, ends with meetings in parking lots."

"And that's the thing about illicit affairs, and clandestine meetings and longing stares."

"Take the words for what they are, a dwindling mercurial high."

"Don't call me kid, don't call me baby, look at this godforsaken mess that you made me."

"You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else."

"And you know damn well, for you I would ruin myself, a million little times."

"I used to think I'd meet somebody there."

"Time, curious time, gave me no compasses, gave me no signs."

"Isn't it just so pretty to think, all along there was some invisible string, tying you to me?"

"Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire."

"One single thread of gold tied me to you."

"Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven."

"They strike to kill, and you know I will."

"What do you sing on your drive home? Do you see my face in the neighbours lawn?"

"Fuck you, forever."

"Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy what about that?"

"It's obvious that wanting me dead, has really brought you two together."

"The master of spin has a couple side flings."

Tracks 13-16 + The Lakes

"Some things you just can't speak about."

"Only twenty minutes to sleep, but you dream of some epiphany."

"I think it's cause of me."

"This time it was true."

"The worst thing that I ever did, was what I did to you."

"Would you tell me to go fuck myself? Or lead me to the garden."

"The only thing I wanna do, is make it up to you."

"So I showed up at your party."

"Our coming-of-age has come and gone."

"And it's just around the corner, darling; cause it lives in me."

"No I could never give you peace."

"All these people think love's for show, but I would die for you in secret."

"You paint dreamscapes on the wall, I talk shit with my friends, it's like I'm wasting your honor."

"Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other."

"I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best."

"But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me."

"My twisted knife, my sleepless night."

"My winless fight, this has frozen my ground."

"Stood on the cliffside screaming, give me a reason."

"Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in."

"Don't want no other shade of blue but you."

"No other sadness in the world would do."

"You knew it still hurts underneath my scars, from when they pulled me apart."

"Darling this was just as hard."

"I'm not cut out for all these cynical clones."

"Take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die, I don't belong, and my beloved, neither do you."

"I'm setting off, but not without my muse."

"I've come too far to watch some namedropping sleaze, tell me what are my words worth."

"I want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet."

"While I bathe in cliffside pools, with my calamitous love and insurmountable grief."

#taylor swift lyric rp #lyric rp

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drlissahawthorne · 4 years ago

Text

and now I’m bleeding

Who: Clarissa Hawthorne ft. Jill Montgomery

When: Night, Friday, December 4, 2020

Where: Clarissa’s apartment

What: After returning home from her evening spent with Elias, Clarissa has to refocus herself and ends up doing something she’s never done before.

Warnings: past abuse, a lot of talk of metaphorical wounds bleeding out, also part of this reads very disjointed and kind of like a panic attack

Word Count: 2658

Notes: Part 2 of 3. Part 1. Part 3.

There was something about getting home after what was, essentially, a night out that always left Clarissa feeling odd, but for once, it wasn’t her eyes. Well, at least not only her eyes. Given that she hadn’t really been anywhere that would bother her eyes, the fact they weren’t what had her feeling the way she did made sense. However, it didn’t really matter, in the grand scheme of things.

Normally, when she felt off like this, she’d take a long relaxing shower and then go about her usual nightly routine, play video games for a little while, or if she had the time, bake something. But as she was sitting there, trying to focus her attention on her television after her shower, she just couldn’t. Her eyes were fine, but it was like her brain couldn’t switch into gaming mode. Everything about how she felt was just wrong.

With a frustrated sigh, Clarissa turned off her Playstation and her TV, and grabbed her guitar from where it sat in the corner of the room. Music was the sort of thing her brain could do, essentially, on autopilot. At first she just played whatever song came into her head. She knew a number of songs, having spent perhaps too much time just learning to cover songs while she was learning to play.

However, the more she played, the less she could focus. Her mind was elsewhere, thinking about other things. Her relationship with Elias. The trips they’d taken. That time she’d spent the holidays with him and his family. The different ways she’d gotten to know him, and in turn, the way he’d learned about her.

Eventually, she found herself sitting at her piano, just playing different notes trying to figure out what sounded right in her head. It was a melody, something so distinct. Like if you tried to put melancholy into music without actually using words. Because that’s what she felt. She felt melancholy. She never imagined she’d get the kind of closure she received and yet, sitting there, she didn’t feel better for it. There was a sense of longing attached. Part of her was mourning the loss of that relationship all over again.

As she sat there, trying and trying to get the melody right, other things were coming to her. Words, lyrics, ideas. The imagery of the ways he’d picked her up off the ground, dusted her off. Framed the parts of herself she’d grown to hate in ways that made them shine. Those same ways that made her ache now for other reasons. Made her feel loved and wanted. The way she’d been willing to accept the lies he’d told her after a fight. The way she brushed off everything that everyone else told her about him.

The more she sat there trying to get a single melody correct, the more she started realising that it wasn’t just one, it was many. A jumbled mess of lyrics and melodies all trying to be created at one time. The same way her memories of him often came back to her. The good and the bad all mixed together. Only ever coming when she’d gotten to a point where she was okay with not thinking about him. With existing in the world without the marks he’d left her with. The mental scars that came from the kind of treatment she’d never deserved, even on her worst days.

The worst part was, she wasn’t sure how to organise all of it. There were just so many chunks and pieces that she really didn’t know which way to go about it, so she just started writing them all down in her phone. Some of them were big chunks, others just short phrases. None of it really made sense, but it was a start. The kind of start she needed to actually be able to make something of everything that she was feeling.

In all honesty, until she’d run into him, Clarissa hadn’t really thought too heavily on her relationship with Elias for a decent amount of time. It’d been like nine years since they’d broken up, since that fateful day in his kitchen where they’d had one of the worst screaming matches she’d ever had with anyone. It was also the only time he’d ever laid his hands on her in such a way that seemed malicious in nature. He’d grabbed her by the arm when she’d gone to leave. She could still remember the feeling of his fingers gripping her bicep. Nails just barely starting to dig in.

It was like having run into him had opened the floodgates on every reason why she’d stayed and every reason why she’d left. The old feelings that she’d never gotten closure on. That had left a gaping wound in her chest that she’d chosen to fill with cats and friends and her work. Now it was ripped back open and aching in a way she’d never felt it ache before. As much as she knew this hadn’t been his intentions, that he’d just taken a chance occurrence to tell her the truth, some part of it felt entirely too cruel. Cruel in a way that fit Elias more than Clarissa really wanted to admit to. He’d never been purposefully cruel, or well, she hadn’t even thought he had been. But that evening, as he’d sat there talking about what all he thought she deserved, about how great she was, all she could think about was how it was too much. The kind of thing someone much closer to her would say, but he wasn’t close to her, not anymore. Yet he could still read her like an open book. Tell her the things she wanted to hear. Make the parts of her she loathed shine like something else. It’s what he’d always been exceptionally good at. It’s what had made her easy to have power over. Easy to control, in a sense. Because he knew what to say, how to say it, because he could read it all over her.

The more she wrote things down, the more things started clumping together and she found herself moving over to her laptop instead, needing the aid of her keyboard to keep up with the speed at which ideas were flowing in and out of her head. There one moment, gone the next, just to come back around or change.

Part of her wondered, for the briefest moments, if this is why people kept journals, so that things like this didn’t happen. So that they didn’t have years and years of memories and information trying to escape them in one go. She also wondered why in the world she’d never actually bothered to deal with any of it. Sure, she’d been heartbroken and had slowly come to terms with the fact that what he’d done had been abusive in nature, but she’d never actually done more than just have someone else, usually Jill, tell her such things. Even then, even after she’d agreed that yes, what he’d done had been toxic and not good, her use of the word abuse had been… limited if used at all.

For Clarissa, she’d never wanted to outright admit that it was that, because some part of her didn’t want to see the scars. She didn’t want to see herself as the kind of person who got into an abusive relationship. She didn't want to be the kind of person who was a victim of abuse. Because abuse came with lasting damage. Damage that Clarissa didn’t think she had. No, she wasn’t that kind of person.

And yet she was.

Elias had said it himself. He’d been abusive. What he had done, had had that kind of damage. He’d been the person who made Clarissa swear off relationships. Decide that dating and love and having people see her in her most intimate moments was something she didn’t want. Something she didn’t deserve. The lasting damage was there, spread across multiple notes. Aching in her chest. Bleeding out of her fingers as if she’d split at the seams.

The more she wrote, the more she remembered and the more overwhelming the ache in her chest became. She felt like she was twenty-one again. Like she was back in Pittsburgh and she’d just gotten home from his place. The phantom feelings of his hand on her arm. The fresh sting of tears in her eyes as she tried to explain what was wrong. As she tried to find the words to describe the kind of hurt she was feeling. The betrayal. The heartbreak. The wounds beneath wounds that were all aching and bleeding out. The reminder that no one actually wanted to deal with her as she was. That she wasn’t the kind of person worth putting up with.

With shaking hands, Clarissa called Jill. She needed to talk to her.. She couldn’t just be alone right now.

“Lissa? Honey, it’s late, what’s wrong?” The voice of her former roommate came through the line and Clarissa’s breath caught in her throat.

“He- I saw him again,” she choked out.

“Who? What’s going on? What happened?” The concern in Jill’s voice did nothing to keep the tears threatening to fall at bay. If anything, it just spurred them on.

“Elias.” She could barely say the name, knowing that Jill wouldn’t react well. She’d never liked him, and with good reason. Elias had tried to drive them apart. Jill had been the first person to warn her about him.

“What?! Oh honey, I’m so sorry.”

“So is he,” she whispered, words nearly lost to the sob that caught in her throat. “He- he said he was sorry for what he did to me. What he- Why does it still hurt?”

“I don’t know, honey. Maybe because you never dealt with it. Maybe because even when things heal they still hurt.”

For a while all that could be heard on either end of the line was the sound of Clarissa crying. And cry she did. She cried for every moment she should have left him but didn’t. For every fight. For the fact she still held feelings for him. Could still see that perfect smile that disarmed her. For the fact he could still read her like a book. And she cried because it was over. Cried that she’d never have to see him again if she didn’t want to. That he’d given her his number with the knowledge that she didn’t have to use it. He’d told her she could delete it and never text him to meet up again and that he’d understand. That he understood she didn’t owe him anything, but that he was thankful he’d given him her evening all the same.

Once she’d cried herself out, all three of her cats having come over to lay on or near her, gave her fingers something to do than pick at the stitches of her couch, she sighed.

“You wanna talk about how all this happened?” Jill’s voice was gentle, an offer to talk, with the knowledge it could be denied.

“We just walked into each other on the street. Had he not said my name I doubt I’d have even known he was there. And then we went for dinner and we sort of talked about it. About what he’d done. About what happened with him after we broke up. How he got help. Was made to realise what he’d done to me. It was everything I wanted to hear but didn’t know I wanted to hear. Didn’t think I’d ever even remotely get to hear. And then, we just talked and ate, and it felt like things had never changed. But he’d been vulnerable and he’d offered me the way out. Told me I’d never have to see him again if I didn’t want to. That if he didn’t hear from me before the new year that he’d delete my number and consider that the answer to whether I needed more answers. It was more than excuses, it was giving me the reins. Letting me decide for him. Giving me the control and the power over the situation in a way he never had before.”

Jill just listened quietly as Clarissa spoke. She’d never actually heard Clarissa talk so openly about Elias before. Even after the breakup, Clarissa had always kept things like that to herself. The way he’d made her feel. The things he’d done. It was often just Jill talking with Clarissa agreeing or disagreeing about certain things. It was how things had always gone. So, to hear the other talk about how he was so openly was odd, but felt like progress nine years in the making.

“Okay. Well, are you going to?”

“What?”

“Are you going to talk to him again?”

“I don’t know. I- it all hurts, Jill Everything about it hurts. Having him acknowledge what happened like that… It’s overwhelming.”

“I imagine it is. Well, you have time, Lissa. Think it over, okay? If you need more from him, get it, but don’t do so at the damage of yourself, okay? Like he said, it’s your choice. You don’t owe him anything, you already gave him your evening, and if it hurts too much, then you don’t have to put yourself through more.”

“I know, I know. I just-”

“You remembered why you fell for him in the first place?”

“Yeah, that.”

“And that’s okay. He was always charming and sweet, and in some ways I’m glad that was genuine, but you also have to remember the damage he did. I know you hate thinking about that, I know, but you need to consider it. Just because he has changed, or appears to have changed, doesn’t mean you have to give him anymore of your time,”

Clarissa sighed, staring at her computer screen. There were so many open notes. All with varying lengths of things. “I think I wrote songs.”

“Oh?” It was a change of subject, but Jill was used to that with Clarissa. The other really hated getting too deep into her own feelings, at least where her exes were involved and it was always best to just let it go.

“Yeah. I don’t know. I can’t read any of it.”

“Is it on paper or?”

“No, no. It’s on my laptop, and my phone, and I just can’t read any of it. God, my eyes hurt so fucking much. Why does crying always make it hurt more?” Clarissa groaned.

“Well, if you ever turn that into something, I get dibs on first listen. As for why crying hurts more, because that’s just how crying works for everyone, you’re just unfortunate enough to already have bad eyes. Also, do you realize what time it is?”

“Of course, well, actually, Andrea probably will have first listen, but the first person who gets sent the recording will be you.” She sighed. “No? What time is it?”

“I will hold you to that. As for the time, nearly midnight.”

Clarissa groaned, head falling into her hands. “Fuck. I told Andrea I’d come hang out with them and Charlie this weekend. They’re gonna be here early and I’m nowhere near ready to consider sleeping.”

“I’m sure they’ll understand if you’re tired, honey. And I’ll stay up with you, as long as you need me to. You know that.”

“I know, but I still don’t like it.” She sighed. “Thank you, Jill. I don’t think I tell you often enough, how thankful I am for everything you’ve done for me over the years.”

“It’s what friends are for, Lissa. Just keep sending me baked goods and we’ll be good, okay?” They both laughed.

“I can definitely do that.”

Over the next hour or so, Clarissa and Jill talked while Clarissa got herself ready for bed, and for her weekend with her sibling.

“Night, love you.”

“Night, Lissa, love you too.”

#abuse tw #p: s003 #p: self #p: all #about: every tears a diamond on my cheek #[yes I know I said this would only have 2 parts but I'm not in control]#about: you drew stars around my scars and now im bleeding

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frostironfudge · 2 years ago

Text

You Said I Was Your Favourite - Ari Levinson

Summary: You're taken from Ari. He's promised you many things but when his eyes don't meet yours and his present words begin to make you doubt his past promises. Will you go back to him?

Paring: Mafia!Ari Levinson x Female!Reader

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, angst, mentions of past self harm, scars of self harm mentioned, reader is clean since 3 months, canon level violence, reader kidnapped, swearing, guns, blood, injury, protective ari, smut, p in v, dirty talk, fluff, past is in italics, hurt/comfort, fluff/smut, nicknames: metuka (meaning sweetheart).

A.N.: honestly the lyric 'you drew stars around my scars, but now i'm bleeding' cardigan by taylor swift, was circling around my head for the most part writing this fic. this is sort of a self indulgent fic, plus Mr. Levinson just reminds me of this comforting bear, i adore him. wrote this amidst a writing block so it may not be top notch but i adore it.

Dividers: @firefly-graphics || Word Count: 4.1k

Main Masterlist || AO3

Burning gunmetal and rust, a leaking pipe of water. Rough, uneven ground digs into your skin. Your gaze searches the dark room, vision field limited at the angle your head is twisted upon.

The overhead light flickers with an inconsistent buzz. You groan when you feel yourself being propped up to your knees.

“Stupid bitch.” The man sneers, grip tightening on your hair, twisting harshly. Your clothes stick to you, uncomfortably so. Sweat and you fear some amount of blood might be the reason.

The door is kicked open, heavy footsteps each around the room. You can’t look up fully due to the grip on your head.

However recognising that cologne is easy, and the way your heart soars even in this most horrible situation. You know it’s him—Ari.

Another whimper is coaxed out of you, your head tilted further the warm barrel of the gun touches your jaw.

Ari’s gaze is cold, not the warm blue waters that you love to sink into, none of the fiery blaze present with which he would trace your form.

“I see you made it.” The man chuckles, tapping your jaw with the gun, “Here I thought apart from your long gone wife no one held your affections.” He laments.

Ari’s jaw tightens, lips pressed into a thin line. It is then you realise he isn’t sparing you a glance. His gaze is on the man only.

“What no words? I have your girl.” The man scoffs, Ari just shrugs.

“You should really fact check, Parson.” Ari tuts, retrieving the pack of cigarettes he carries and lights one.

One puff, then a second one.

He scratches the side of his mouth with his thumb. Eyes everywhere else but on your form.

You swallow, your heart trying to convince your mind this is a dream. You were sleeping.

You had gone out, the mall? Yes.

Picking up a dress for dinner with Ari.

You must have gotten tired and fallen asleep.

This is just a dream.

Ari would never let his gaze stray from you. He would never ignore you.

“So if I shoot her, you won’t be sad or mad?” Parson’s voice sounds full of doubt.

“Oh I would be, but it is because you killed an innocent person, not because she means anything to me. You have the wrong woman.” Ari takes another drag of the cigarette. It burns bright then turns to ash.

You feel tears brim your eyes, a wicked smirk on Ari’s face.

“Oh, did you think more?” He speaks in a mocking tone. You feel your heart crack.

Please be a dream. Your heart screams, wails in your chest. Your gaze shifts down, lips pressed together tightly not to let the sob break free.

“But, but I saw the two of you, your hand on her face. She’s in l-love with y-you.” Parson stammers, his clear upperhand being undermined.

“Half of the female population pines for a minute of my affection.” Ari drops the cigarette, stepping upon it with the heel of his boot.

“You should have had more women in here.” He gives a dry chuckle.

“There isn’t anyone apart from you, Metuka.” Ari whispers against your forehead, “After a long time my heart has thawed, waiting to place itself onto your palms.”

You stay silent, your heart hammering in your chest.

“Bear.” Your throat tightens, “I, I have feelings for you too.” You admit, “I thought, I thought you wouldn’t—,”

“Oh but I do, Metuka.” He smiles, the kind that melts your heart. He pulls you into his arms, engulfing you in his bear hug. You nuzzle closer into the crook of his neck.

You blink tears at the memory.

“I’ve seen you kiss her.” Parson still argues.

Ari clicks his tongue, clearly irritated.

Ari’s lips find yours, he walks in after his work day. You gave him your apartment key. A squeal leaves you when he lifts you up, arms wrapping around your waist pulling you flush against his broad chest.

Deep rumbling laughter fills the small kitchen. You tilt your head back looking up at him. He then brushes his lips against yours, your hand moves to tangle with his soft hair. A few of the strands tickling your cheek.

The kiss turns bruising, you tug on his hair, he groans into your mouth, hands tightening around you. Keeping you to him.

“You’re mine, Metuka, as I am yours.” He promises.

“Parson, you’re wasting my fucking time.” Ari roars, anger coursing through his voice. You close your eyes.

“So you won’t care if I hurt her?” Parson smirks, watching the man in front of him closely. He taps the gun to your forehead.

“No one will lay a finger upon you, Metuka.” Ari promises as you’re laying with your head in his lap.

“Ari, nothing will happen to me.” You look up at him, his palm brushing over your head pauses, eyes harbour a moment of worry.

You grasp the hand that is on your abdomen, bringing it to your lips you kiss his palm. The callouses memorised by you. Your thumb traces over them.

“You will always protect me, I know.” You assure him.

“I don’t want you to get hurt because of what I do. Ever.” There is a furrow between his brows.

“Bear.” You try to get him to smile at the nickname, he doesn’t, you frown.

“Metuka,” Ari struggles with verbalising, you sit up, effortlessly he makes you sit facing him, “I will protect you till my last breath.”

“Bear, don’t, say that.” Your hands cup his face, stroking over his beard.

“There is only you, I only harbour you in my heart.” Blue eyes study you as you take in his words, your skin heats.

“I love you, Ari.” Your words light him up, he rewards you with the prized grin that belongs only to you.

“Parson, I was told you have a negotiation for business.” Ari taps his foot, your eyes drop from his face, “I didn’t realise you’d rather discuss the women I fuck.”

The words are cruel, they make you question everything over the past six months.

Your brain mocks your heart, you almost don’t feel the blade sinking into your forearm. When you refocus, you see the torn sleeve, Parson’s smile drops when Ari doesn’t show a shred of care.

“Let's try the other hand.” Parson moves, gripping your left hand. You panic.

“No.” You whisper, you hadn’t let Ari see your arms, favouring full sleeves. Not letting him take off your shirt when things got intimate during heavy make outs.

You were waiting for the damn scars to fade. You try to pry your hand away.

Ari’s hands freeze under your shirt. The way you tensed had him pause. He retracts his hands and pulls his mouth away from your neck.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, attempting to shift away. Your hands grasp his shoulders urging him to stay.

“Ari, Ari let me explain—,”

“You just have to say no, Metuka. It all stops. I don’t want an explanation.” He shakes his head.

“I’m, no I want to do this, kissing you making out, I just, I’m not comfortable taking my top off yet.” Your skin heats, you gaze down at his half exposed chest. The hypocrisy makes you wince.

“Do you want my hands to explore beneath?” He questions, you nod.

“So the shirt is not off but I can try to touch your very pretty boobs.” He just laughs when you lightly smack his chest. Grasping your palm he brings your fingers to his lips. Placing soft kisses upon them as his beard tickles.

You giggle, Ari adores you.

His palms then cup your cheeks, “Whenever you’re ready, we’ll take it further okay? I’m very happy making out as though we’re horny teenagers.”

That earns him another smack.

His deep laugh rumbles through your chest.

You try to shift away, Parson points his gun at Ari.

“He may feel nothing but I know you do, even if you’re nothing to him. Do you want him dead?” He chuckles darkly when your eyes shift from the gun to the towering man.

Ari still doesn’t meet your gaze, you don’t understand. Till this morning it was as if you were his world. Now he looks at you as if you’re nothing to him.

“Please don’t hurt him.” You look up at Parson. He only smiles, lowering the gun. Harshly grabbing your forearm you cry out, then bite down on your tongue to stop the whimpers.

Parson pushes the sleeve back harshly, the knife ready but then he pauses, seeing the lines strewn across your skin.

“Of course, big bad mafia man, Ari Levinson would never want someone broken.” Parson shakes his head with laughter bubbling past his tongue.

Ari finally moves his gaze on you, you’re looking down, biting back sniffles. The sight of your forearm though, sends his heart plummeting.

How had he not figured it out?

Why hadn’t you told him?

Is this why you didn’t want to show him all of you?

Why had he not asked you more often if you were doing alright?

How selfish and blind had he been towards you?

How long has this been going on?

Guilt fills him.

“No one would want someone this broken.” The disgust in Parson’s voice wraps around your mind, the scars ache beckoning you towards them yet again.

“I know.” Your voice is so small, you don’t look up. You don’t want Ari to see you this way. He wouldn’t care either way. You blink away the tears, it only makes them brim over.

“Parson, you have ten seconds to step away from her.” Ari warns through gritted teeth.

The man scoffs, “You’re without a weapon. You’re in no position to—,”

The mobster reaches into his jacket, retrieving a gun.

“H-how did you get that past my guards?” Parson sutters at the ammunition reveal.

“Oh, your guards? Did I say I came in here unprepared?” Ari chuckles darkly.

Parson presses the gun to your forehead, again.

“I won’t hesitate.” He warns.

“Nor will I.” Ari declares, “Close your eyes for me, Metuka.”

You look up at him, he finally meets your gaze. You close your eyes.

You hear the click, there is the echo of a shot fired followed by a clattering. You cover your ears. The gun no longer pressed to your forehead.

“Metuka.”

Warmth wraps around you, the scent of musk and jasmine surrounds you. Ari. You’re pressed to his chest. You want to cry, bury yourself in him.

You’re about to give in, take the comfort that belongs to you. Then you pause, you tense up.

Pushing at him, no, no, he wasn’t yours, he promised and everything Ari just admitted to, he doesn’t, he never said it and you know why, now.

“I’m sorry, I had to lie. Metuka, I’m so sorry, I should have been there with you. I sent you off alone like a fool.” He stumbles over his words,

“I promised you and I broke it, I couldn’t protect you, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry about whatever I said, I had to make him question his plan. I’m so sorry. Please talk to me, Matuka.” He pleads, large hands running up and down your shaking form.

You stay quiet, cheek pressed to the exposed flesh of his chest. His habit of having the top two buttons of his shirts unbuttoned was something you always found yourself drawn towards. Findinding your cheek pressed against it, hearing his breath and heart beating.

“You said it all so easily.” You whisper.

“I had to lie.” Ari explains, his hand cupping your face, trying to get you to look at him.

The wet tears gracing his skin breaking everything within him.

“Bear?” Your voice is low, sleep ridden.

He looks up from his files to you. You’re standing in the doorway of his office.

“Metuka? Why are you awake, is everything alright?” Pushing the chair back he stands, motioning for you to come closer.

“Bad dream…” you say, making your way to his open arms.

“Wanna talk about it?” Ari wraps his arms around you, placing a kiss to the top of your head.

You shake your head, wanting to dismiss the dream. It still gnaws at you.

“You won’t, you won’t lie to me right?” You whisper the question.

Ari’s brows furrow, “I’d never—,”

“About the way you feel, you won’t lie right? Saying that you have feelings for me when you actually don’t? If, if you just want sex then we can, you don’t have to lie to wait—,”

“Metuka.” The pain in that one word makes you pause.

Ari steps back, hands not leaving your face.

“I want everything with you okay? I don’t care how long I need to wait. I want you to be comfortable. I know I don’t express myself enough but please know I will never lie to coerce you into bed.” His blue eyes gaze into your own. Slowly you move closer to him again.

Closing the distance between the two of you. Ari’s hands move to your hips, aiding you in reaching up to him. He bends down, meeting your lips in a soft kiss. A promise.

When your lips part, as you breathe in you contemplate telling him.

“You can tell me what is on your mind.” His thumb strokes your cheek.

“Previous, previous partners have said sweet words and declarations of emotions… just to get into bed and then they leave.” You tell him.

“Give me the names.” He says so casually.

“Ari you aren’t going all Mafia Boss on them.” You warn him.

“They disrespected you, Metuka, they hurt you. Those who hurt you should not get a second chance at life.” He declares.

There is a pause, “Was your dream about me hurting you?” He hesitates in wanting to know, a fear so deeply ingrained.

You nod.

“I wouldn’t ever intentionally hurt you, please know that. I may have to lie or keep some truths half hidden, to protect you from the world I am a part of, I don’t want that tainting you.” Ari admits his worries, your arms wrap around him.

He seeks refuge in your warmth.

“I cannot have people use you or hurt you just to get back at me, for things I’ve done.” He continues, “I don’t want you to be caught in the crossfire and I will make sure of it that you don’t ever get hurt.”

“I’m so sorry.” He says again, you grab at his coat lapels, “I’m going to find who leaked our location—,”

“Ari, it hurts.” You finally register the wound on your forearm, looking at it you frown.

Then you look down at Ari’s sleeve, his jacket half off, the sleeve of his shirt torn to make a makeshift bandage for your wound. You stare up at him.

“Metuka, we’ll talk about everything at home. Can you stand?” He watches over you, the protectiveness within him brimming over.

You wince moving your leg forward.

“Alright, I’m carrying you.” Ari decides, shifting to your side and in a blink you’re in his arms.

“Boss.” Lloyd interrupts his step towards the door.

“Close your eyes.” He whispers softly to you, you bury your head against his chest. Closing your eyes. Breathing in his scent.

You feel Ari turn, “Keep him alive. I want answers, then I’ll take care of it. Metuka isn’t to be messed with, ever.” There is a dark edge to his voice, a judgement veiled between words.

Lloyd hums, “Alright, can I be creative with the keeping alive process?”

You don’t hear Ari’s reply, just feel him beginning to move again.

The distant yell has you know what his reply was to Lloyd.

Ari doesn’t take you to your apartment, you’re driven up to his estate. The first time you had seen his home post the lunch he took you to for your first date you joked if he was a mafia drug lord.

You giggle remembering his expression. Ari smiles when he hears the melodic sound. Nerves easing.

“What’s making you laugh?” He smiles as you meet his gaze with a smile. The dim lighting of the car did not dull the soft shine in his loving gaze.

“Just your face, when I asked if you’re a mafia drug lord when you brought me here for the first time.” You laugh again, he squeezes your side playfully.

“I was so scared you’d go running to the hills when I told you.” He admits. His free hand softly traces your left hand. Never over the scars just bordering around them.

“I wouldn’t, I mean, shady things yeah, but you aren’t in the whole drug thing so…” you trail off, the house comes into view.

“Come, I’ve got a medic on call.” Ari holds you protectively yet again.

“I think I can walk—,” you keep quiet at the look he gives you.

The medic is a sweet woman, she tends to your wounds, the cut isn’t deep for stitches, just a dressing. Her eyes linger on your scarred forearm, she doesn’t broach. You’re thankful for that.

The other scarpes littered over your form are checked and cleaned.

Ari enters the room, holding your favourite blue shirt of his and a pair of leggings you left here. He places them then moves to stand outside the room, waiting for you to change.

“I want to tell you about, about the scars.” You tell him, his face ashen as he turns.

“I, I’m sorry I didn’t pay more attention.” He doesn’t know what he should say, you shake your head.

“I hid them, I, I’m about three months clean now. I wanted them healed before you saw, didn’t want you to think I’m broken.” You quietly admit the last part.

“Metuka, I could never.” Ari gently grasps your hands, “You aren’t broken, this, this is hard, I just want to support you. The way you need. I don’t want you doing this to yourself ever again, but I know it’s easier said than done. I’m proud of you for being clean for three months. So immensely proud.” He peppers kisses all over your face, his beard tickling you laugh.

“You never have to hide any part of you from me.” Ari grasps your chin gently, tilting your head back, “I love you. Every part, even the ones you may keep hidden away from me.”

You stare up at him, the little flecks in his eyes, the sincerity of his words. Your chest tightens.

“Ari.” You remember to breathe.

“I love you.” He affirms again.

“Ari.” His name breaks as your voice does, “Ari, I love you too.”

“Metuka.” His own voice grows heavy with emotion, “No one is in my heart but you, no one holds my heart but you.”

Your hands move from his chest, up his neck, one cups his face the other runs through his hair. He sighs, basking in the warmth of your touch.

You reach up, gently tugging him downward. Ari complies with your wish.

Your lips meet, his hand moves over your back, towards your neck. His lips slightly chapped, bitten in worry, the lingering hint of smoke and the drink he probably took. His tongue moves over your bottom lip, parting your lips.

Your groan has him push himself closer to you. Your legs around his waist, Ari nips at your bottom lip coaxing another whimper from you. Your fingers tug upon his hair, a deep growl rumbles within his chest.

You can feel his hardening length against your core, you gasp when his hips move against you.

“A-ari,” his lips move along your jaw, nipping and humming at the taste of your skin.

Your clit pulses as he sucks upon the spot beneath your ear.

“I feel so content.” He hums, tugging on your earlobe, “Having you back in my arms.” His beard brushes over the spot he just etched his mark onto.

You keen as his bulge twists the fabric of your panties over your clit. Pleasure sparks across your spine.

“Mine, just as I am yours.” Ari says, biting down on your collar bone. His large form encases you. His lips on every inch of your exposed skin, the little gown coming off, your nipples harden brushing against the fabric of his shirt.

“Fuck,” you tug on the shirt, he shifts back letting you undo the buttons, his own large hands moving over your sides, eyes darkening.

“You sure you want this, Metuka?” Ari hisses when your nails scrape over his chest, your lips tracing over his sternum, making way to his nipple tugging on it, his grip tightens on your thighs.

“I want you, Ari. How much ever you’re willing to give me.” Your lips trace over his neck, to his jaw, then his lips. Hands moving to his pants, he aids you in undoing them.

His length twitches in your palm, you moan softly feeling the familiar vein on the underside as you trace his length. Ari groans as your thumb circles over his tip collecting the precum and bringing it to your lips.

Fingers hooking around the band, you raise your hips, Ari gets rid of your panties, discarding them to the side, you shiver as the cool air greets your wet folds.

Warm fingers have you arch, grinding against them.

He brings his soaked fingers toward his mouth. You moan when his eyes close as he hums at your taste appreciatively.

“Ari, please.” You plead, he chuckles.

“Impatient little sweet girl.” He teases, parting your thighs further, hooking them around his waist, his tip moves against your folds, you want to sigh at the relief of being so close to feeling him.

It turns into a moan melding with his own groan as your walls take his girth in, chest rising and falling, Ari sinks into you inch by delicious inch. The burning stretch dulling into pleasure as his thumb draws circles onto your clit.

“Ari, Ari, Ari—,” you choke on your words, his his flush against yours, your walls pulse around him. His lust blown eyes on your pussy.

“She takes me so well, fuck baby, look at you.” He gazes into your eyes, slowly pulling out halfway then sinking into you again. And again.

Your jaw slack, he shifts slightly, tip brushing over the spot that has you shuddering in his hold. Ari pushes you down, the angle making him go deeper, your back arched. The sound of skin slapping as his pace becomes relentless.

“Squeezing me so good, don’t want to let your cock go do you, Metuka?” His mouth latches to your taut nipple, your hand grabs at his hair tugging harshly lips only know to say his name—oh god, oh god, oh god.

You feel the pleasure build slowly then all at once he has you dancing along the edge. Your legs wrap around him tighter, not letting him go too far. His large hands squeeze at your hips, mouth latching onto the other nipple. His happy trail, rubs against your clit, sending you over.

You cum with a cry of his name, the wet sloshing sounds only increase as you gush around him. His pace doesn’t relent, pushing you further down, he hovers above you. Your leg now over his shoulder.

His hand wrapped around your throat, stroking over the sweat sheened skin.

“So pretty this way, one more baby, one more before I fill you up. One more,” he coaxes, you feel him move impossibly deeper. Tip hitting your cervix stars cloud your vision.

Can’t, I can’t, you think, “Ari,”

“You can and you will.” He growls, pinching your clit you shudder yet again, the pleasure begins to climb, taking over you nerve by nerve.

“Look at you, so pretty, taking all of me so well, I belong to you my sweetness, all of me, yours, yours to love, yours to hold, yours to claim, yours to fuck.” Ari swears as he feels your walls spasm, your nails dig into his forearms you shudder in his grasp as your orgasm triggers his own.

Ari moans your name, spilling into you, claiming your walls with his seed. He continues to thrust allowing you both to ride out your orgasms, he watches the mix of the two of you coat a ring at the base of his length.

“I’m not done with you, Metuka.” He says, softly kissing your forehead.

You look at him through glassy eyes, aftershocks lingering through you.

He slowly pulls out, you whimper, then moan when his lips move along your inner thighs, blowing softly over your clit.

“Ari—,” Your whine cut off when his mouth latches to your cunt. The way his eyes glaze and roll back at your taste, the moan that presses against your folds and clit. You cry out for more of him.

“I told you I’m not done. Have to have a taste of my pretty pussy.” Is all he says, beard gleaming with your arousal, before his lips latch around your clit again.

-x-

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