#but yeah shizuo best man... if he's real i wanna have a long talk with him

[ladsofsorrow24]

i think what makes me like shizuo so much is because i too have similar sorts of anger issues like him because when i get mad i just... burst into physical violence at times

and i'm happy to see his violent tendencies treated in a more realistic way by the narrative rather than romanticizing it or outright vilifying him for those... very difficult, nearly uncontrollable rage

[espejonight28738]

The Passing Years

A/N: @Bushybrows_99 Sorry for taking so long, but at least I had it on time! Or at least here it is still on time. I tried to write some shizaya christmas fluff, and then I failed miserably at the “fluff” part, but at least it is shizaya christmas. 

You can read it on AO3 if you prefer

“I promised my beloved Celty I was going to hang out with my friends on Christmas, at her request. You can't cancel on my two hours before you are supposed to come, Shizuo.” Shinra had been repeating variations of that for the last ten minutes when Shizuo finally gave up.

“Fine! I'll go, but don't fucking complain then if I end up beating the shit out of the louse you call friend.” Really, Shizuo had no problem being with Shinra and Kadota for Christmas, but Izaya? What the hell was Shinra thinking?

“He promised to be in his best behaviour, and so did you. Besides, maybe this is an opportunity for you to make up and stop destroying school property any time you see each other. It's been five months since you met and half the school is already remodeled.”

Shizuo knew there was no way that would happen. The only existence of the stupid flea annoyed the shit out of him, but Shinra and Kadota kinda were his only friends, so he decided he could try not to commit murder that day.

The evening was… it was almost torture for Shizuo, but he didn't break anything, and Izaya had the decency to make his presence a little less annoying. Of course, the worst was yet to come, because in the stupid gift exchange Shinra had organized, he had to give Izaya a gift. Just his fucking luck.

“So what did Shizu-chan got me? I hope it's not contaminated of disgusting beast germs.” Only Izaya could insult someone with such an innocent, although fake, smile on his face.

He just mumbled something that could have been a threat, and gave Izaya the box. For just a moment, just one second, he wished Izaya would like his gift. Even if he hated him, this was the first Christmas Shizuo spent with someone other than his family, so he would like to look fondly at the memory in the future.

“Uh, Shizu-chan, I knew your protozoic brain doesn't understand complex concepts easily, but I thought you knew I was a man, because I'm sure this came from the women section of a shop.”

It was really wishful thinking that Izaya could just accept the coat as a goddamn normal person and move on.

“Yeah, well, there was no 'flea' section in the store, so I did what I could. You should be grateful, now your dead won't be something as lame as hypothermia.”

Not that Shizuo noticed, but why the fuck didn't Izaya use a sweater or something? It was snowing out there and he had just a long-sleeve shirt.

Izaya was about to respond, when he seemed to think better of it. He got up and put the black coat on. It was slightly big on him, but Shizuo supposed he could still grow. He ignored the warmth inside of him at seeing Izaya pleased with the gift.

“What do you think, Dotachin? Shinra?”

Before either of them could really answer, Shizuo spoke up.

“You look stupid.” Izaya's smile looked almost genuine for a moment there, as if the comment had genuinely amused him.

“Well, it's a real shame you don't like it, because this is my new favorite coat. Thank you, Shizu-chan.”  

Shizuo though he said it just to reil him up, but it wasn't the case. Or if it was, it was a really dedicated way to annoy him, because no one saw Izaya without the coat on the outside in the years to come.

Stupid flea.

The next to Christmas were kind of the same deal. Then Shinra went to the university, and Shizuo didn't heard of Izaya for a few sweet years. And then the asshole tried to get him arrested. He swore he was going to kill the fucking louse.

His Christmas were a solitary affair. Kasuka was off filming some christmas special, and his parents had moved to the more rural part of the country. Shizuo pretended not to know it was because they feared someone connecting them to him.

So when he felt Izaya was in his city, it wasn't much of a problem deciding to go chasing him out.

“Shizu-chan, don't you get tired of being so salvage all the time? You could let me go do my thing, it's Christmas Eve.” Asked Izaya, dodging just by little a trash can that flew his way.

“Or you could fuck off and let me enjoy my Christmas Eve, Izaya-kun.”

“Come on, Shizu-chan, we both know you haven't spent your holidays with anyone since we graduated. Only Shinra would have the bad taste of inviting over a monster.” He just didn't stop moving, and that was really getting on Shizuo's nerves.

It was only more infuriating that he still wore that black coat with the fluffy sleeves. The fact that everyone in Ikebukuro knew him from that stupid piece of cloth Shizuo had given him many years ago made him wanna puke. The only saving grace was that only Kadota and Shinra knew about that, and none of them were suicidal enough to try to spread the rumor.

“He already had the bad taste of inviting you.” In high school, Izaya would have laughed at that answer, but he didn't nowadays. Shizuo wasn't sure when it happened, but Izaya now got even angrier anytime Shizuo acted like they did in Raijin.

Stupid Izaya and his even more stupid mind games.

He didn't had to see Izaya to know a knife was coming his way. Predictable asshole.

Their fight extended to the first hours of the next day. They had run across the entire city at least a few times, leaving a path of destruction behind them, mostly on Shizuo's account.

But then, as if they hadn't been trying to kill each other for hours, Izaya turned back with a smile on his face.

“It was good to spent Christmas together again, Shizu-chan.” He said, and then turned in direction of Shinjuku.

Any other day, Shizuo would have keep on chasing him, but he realized then that it was the first time in years he hadn't felt lonely on Christmas, so he let it pass.

“Only the stupid flea...” Fortunately, no one was around to see something akin to fondness on his face. Nor that time, nor the next several years.

After that fight where Shizuo almost killed Izaya, the later disappeared without leaving a trace, just as Shizuo had wanted for so many years.

The first months, he hadn't even noticed. It wasn't like he saw Izaya all the time. Sometimes many months would take place between one encounter and another. There was only one day they met every years, and he had really tried not to think about it.

[What are you doing for Christmas, Shizuo?] He read in Celty's phone. They were in the park, enjoying the freedom of the night, where they could be without causing an escandal.

Shizuo though that Izaya was the reason everyone in this city was so interested in him. As he would learn he gained the new new of “The Demon of Ikebukuro”, that wasn't the true.

“Same as every year, I'll just be in my home watching movies or something.”

[That's good. Shinra made a comment about Izaya and you spending every Christmas fighting each other for the last years. I'm happy you can finally have a peaceful Christmas.]

Shizuo didn't even try to ask why did Shinra knew that, he didn't care. He just thanked Celty and parted to his house, he had job the next day after all.

He didn't know what to do with himself. He had wanted Izaya to leave him alone, he wanted pace. He had it now, he should be happy. This should be the best Christmas since he was a child, but it wouldn't. With three days ahead of him until the day, he knew he would feel lonely.

His parents were still away, Kasuka still had to work, Shinra and Celty were going away for the holidays, and he didn't really talked with Kadota except for the occasional greeting anymore. Tom had a family to spend the day with, Vorona had gone back to Russia.

And he really hadn't noticed that he expected to be that day with Izaya, fighting like always, until he realized he was alone for the holidays for the first time in years.

Maybe it was for the best. He wasn't sure.

When the day finally came, he expected almost a tangible evidence of the change. He didn't. After Izaya left, everyone seemed to forget about him. You didn't hear his name on the streets, the urban legend just disappeared.

It drove Shizuo mad. If he closed his eyes, if he didn't see the scar on his chest, sometimes he questioned if Izaya had even existed at all in the first place. It shouldn't make him feel so abandoned. It shouldn't hurt him as much as it does.

“You're a monster, Shizu-chan, you're destined to be alone.”

Who would have thought Izaya was the only thing keeping his own words from becoming true?

Shizuo put on a coat and climbed to the roof of his building, lighting a cigarette on his way. During the many years chasing the flea, he discovered sometimes the view from the roofs was calming, It was kinda beautiful, but seeing all those people on the street make him feel even more secluded.

Usually he wasn't one for regretting things. What was done was done, no use dwelling on the past. But he indulge a little of honesty, for the sake of not keeping lying to himself, even if he had to lie to the rest of the world.

He knew he was having this little epiphany far too late to make a difference. He closed his eyes and thought of that first Christmas. He thought of Izaya refusing to take off his coat, and how he annoyed him the entire day. But he allowed himself to also think of all he had tried to forget. Izaya giving him his cookies, since he wasn't really fond of sugar, and they being almost cozy side by side in the sofa.

He thought of the next year, when Izaya gave him a photo of the four of them he apparently convinced his sister to take during the school year. Shizuo told him he had burned it, the truth was he kept it safe in his apartment, away from prying eyes.

He thought of the last year, and the conversation they had.

“Do you want me to keep visiting you on Christmas next year, Shizu-chan? I know life must be terribly lonely for a monster.”

“I'd prefer being alone that having to be with you, Izaya-kun.”

And yet, Izaya eventually came back. And, contrary to the rest of the year, he never seemed in a hurry to shake off Shizuo on Christmas. He kept coming for years, and Shizuo never thought of asking himself what was behind all of that.

He wondered what was Izaya doing, if he also felt alone. He wished he could ask him. After all the years, it was now he wanted to talk to the informant that had made his life a living hell. Really talk. Definitely, too late for that epiphany.

Only the wind and the night's sky were witness of the pain in his words.

“Shit, I really fucked up with him, didn't I?”

[lucifersus]

Ya

Guess who I am?

Here’s a hint, I am not from Tsukino Productions.

I am but a humble information broker 

-

Humble my fucking foot.

Yo. 

This is Heiwajima Shizuo.

Don’t make me angry. 

...Thanks for all the support. 

But we’re here for something else. 

-

Yes yes we finally got Zeph-chan’s attention - 

Jya nakatta, Koori-chan’s attention away from those idols 

Luckily for you faithful followers of Shizaya, the one you supported was actually HAJIME. 

(Even though he didn’t know it himself lolololol)

Who possesses the power of Creation so when he wrote those ‘Shizaya’ theories and stories, it came into creation.

So Like the Wind where I had friends for being myself actually happened.

Oh he never posted until there, did he? Shizu-chan and I got together at the end.

-

Flea talks tirades as usual.

I’ll make it clear. 

Izaya and I are together now. 

Yeah, romantically.

Long story. Long stories. 

Also

Drrr’s story has ended. The information merely takes time to reach this world.

Izaya explain 

-

Yes yes Shizu-chan.

I believe it was already said and explained by Ko-chan fictional characters are real? I, Orihara Izaya exist.

Because Japan was hit by the atomic bomb to end the war, its residents became infused with love and light. Sure, many died, but it ended the war. The intention was good and pure, to end a war, hence it resulted in love and light results.

In American terms, it’s like ‘radiation gave birth to mutants’, you know, X-Men? Only they are just people, just humans but they accelerated their evolution as humans to be aware beyond material possessions.

And those particularly successful ones, such as light novel (it’s called light novel for a reason yes) writers and anime scriptwriters were able to tune in to information throughout the universe. Information from other worlds.

Google Multi Discovery Theory if you’re interested. Throughout human history, people have come up with same inventions around the same time. That is because the information already exists, somewhere out there in the universe. 

And so the Japanese are able to tune into other worlds and bring the stories featuring those people here onto Earth, as anime.

(When you feel good watching anime, that is actually a psychic ability called clairsentience.)

And that’s how I, Orihara Izaya legs completely healed am now talking here.

I believe there was an interview Dotachin did on me? In my novel.

‘If you want to be his friend, don’t make use of him. He’s a surprisingly fair man’ 

Which was what Zephyrus did in Like the wind. It’s no coincidence. 

-

Yeah we could get into ‘soul tribe’ and all but I don’t know how to explain that. 

Also Tsukumoya Shinichi is Narita-san as a character.

We talked to him recently. 

-

......I suppose only the author would be able to have information beyond me, the mastermind

-

Pft. He’s listed as a professional author in the wiki flea. 

And he was the catalyst to so many events.

Smart. Inserting yourself the author into a story to lead it.

-

Well well. 

Things have gotten more interesting, haven’t they?

Hoka no koto wa aru ka na? Shizu-chan 

-

Betsu ni 

Sore dake sa nomimushi. Izaya

-

Then let’s go talk to Tsukumoya so he can help us bring the true story over to this Earth.

-

Yeah.

Before that I just wanna thank the fans.

Fans sounds weird but whatever. Thanks to the Shizaya fans for your belief in your ‘ship’. 

It took...more than 10 years but we’re finally here. Together. Izaya and I, Shizuo.

It took zephyrsus himself 4 years too. His first fic, Top of the World, was published on Jan 28, 2016. My birthday. He discovered drrr in 2015

...We’ve come a long way.

So whatever you’re working on or believe in, don’t give up.

If you hold onto faith long enough it might actually come true. 

-

Yes yes thank you, Shizaya fans and of course my, the Izaya fans.

*smirk*

I love humans after all! HITO-RABU!

Now my best friend is tired so see ya. Shizu-chan?

-

*smirk*

Aa. Abayo.

-

Sayonara

-

[yotsutama]

Do you have any favorite moments with Yamato and Nagi?

OFC I HAVE!!!!! their relationship is my favorite next to mezzo hahaha

First of all, both Yamato and Nagi has/had secrets that can danger idolish7’s popularity. Their backgrounds are not only opposite but also similar. Yamato is an illegitimate child of a big star, he felt he wasn’t loved and spent his youth seeking revenge on his father. While Nagi had everything and can do anything. He is a prince and loved by women, but almost all the men he met in Northmare, including his brother, didn’t like him because they envy him. 

The two of them found out about each other’s secrets earlier than anyone in i7, they understand each other’s pasts, feelings, and reasons. Because they’re similar, both of them are stubborn and refuse/d to reveal their pasts. But since Nagi understood Yamato’s feelings, Nagi could encourage Yamato to have a serious talk with everyone (in part 3). So I hope Yamato and Mitsuki can do the same to Nagi in part 4 :’))

I’m getting OOT so these are my fave Nagi & Yamato moments!!

First, in 2.4.2 where Yamato refused to accept a drama offer starring Yuki and him. Nagi noticed that Yamato didn’t want to accept the offer because he didn’t want to work with Yuki (who knew Yamato’s father very well). Nagi asked Yamato to take off his glasses to see Yamato’s face which is similar to his father.

Nikaidou Yamato: I’m not doing it.Takanashi Tsumugi: Huh?Nikaidou Yamato: Can you turn them down? I don’t have any intentions on appearing on the silver screen.Takanashi Tsumugi: But…. Yuki-san will be there as well, and it’s such a big chance….Nikaidou Yamato: I’m not doing it. Period.Izumi Iori: But it’s a long-awaited chance, right when everyone’s doing their best….Rokuya Nagi: Yamato…. It is a personal rule of mine to not pry into things.Nikaidou Yamato: That’s good. Keep it up ‘til the day you die.Rokuya Nagi: Take off your glasses.Nikaidou Yamato: Why are you breaking that rule all of a sudden?Rokuya Nagi: Why are you hiding it? I know. I know what Yamato’s secret is.Nikaidou Yamato: …….Rokuya Nagi: Probably.Izumi Mitsuki: Nagi does? Did you hear it from Yamato-san? And by secret, do you mean that one….Rokuya Nagi: No. However, I’d like him to stop hiding and talk about it. Not only are we your members, we are also your Best Friends….Nikaidou Yamato: Oh? I know too, Rokuya Nagi. I know what your real identity is.Rokuya Nagi: OH…. So you watched as a tail sprang out of me, shadow growing long beneath the full moon, in the dead of the night?Nikaidou Yamato: Close. …Lend me your ear for a bit.Nikaidou Yamato: How about we watch some Kokona-chan, together in your room?Rokuya Nagi: YES! YES! YES!! I agree wholeheartedly! We must head towards my theater room right this instant!Nanase Riku: W-what did you say?Izumi Mitsuki: Whatever it was, it seems like he hit the target. I mean, he did say “yes” a bunch of times.Nikaidou Yamato: Hahaha. Well, it’s naptime for Onii-san, so….Rokuya Nagi: Yamato, lend me your ear.Nikaidou Yamato: Hm?Rokuya Nagi: I’m giving you the slip this time. Be thankful. Nikaidou Yamato: You….

Anime Voice: Magical★Flash~!Nikaidou Yamato: Just how many times has it been already….Rokuya Nagi: Wonderful things will always be wonderful, no matter how many times you watch them.Anime Voice: Magical★Turbo~!Nikaidou Yamato: I’m so sleepy….Rokuya Nagi: Yamato is a difficult person. It is quite lonesome, that you’d glare down even your friends the instant people touch upon your secret.Nikaidou Yamato: …….Rokuya Nagi: What are you afraid of? Please trust us more.Rokuya Nagi: I pray that you will find the courage to tell all of us, one day.Nikaidou Yamato: …….

Next, in 3.1.2, when they lost Yamato at a party. I love how Yamato and Nagi are sarcastic to each other sometimes lol

Yaotome Gaku: Huh? Where’s Nikaidou? Nanase Riku: Yamato-san? He was just here a second ago…. Izumi Iori: …It’s because we’re in a place like this. Remember…? Osaka Sougo: …Ah, right……. Rokuya Nagi: Hm….. Yamato sure likes to move around in secret. Izumi Mitsuki: Come on, don’t say that. He’ll come back once he’s done with whatever he’s doing. Rokuya Nagi: You’re a very good, honest, and virtuous person, Mitsuki. Those who carry secrets with them aren’t of such noble character. They’re the same as the timid and cowardly…. Nikaidou Yamato: Who’s a coward? Rokuya Nagi: OH……. Nikaidou Yamato: I’m glad your plane made it on time, Nagi. You just got back from Northmare, right? Nikaidou Yamato: You’ve been going back to your country quite a lot lately. I wonder what’s happening over there…. Is it like a disturbance, or uproar over something? ……Is that the reason why you’ve been going back? Rokuya Nagi: ……Secrets are but a part of a gentleman’s manners. Nikaidou Yamato: OK. Hey, long time no see. What were you guys talking about? Yuki: They were just discussing how excited they are to watch us act together. Yaotome Gaku: ……We were?

In 3.2.1. Nagi tried to ask Yamato to tell them about his past

Nikaidou Yamato: ……. Nikaidou Yamato: Well, I gotta go to work too. Rokuya Nagi: –Yamato. Izumi Mitsuki: Nagi, don’t. Rokuya Nagi: Why not? Izumi Mitsuki: There’s no point in asking him if he doesn’t wanna talk about it. It’s gonna take some time, and that’s different for everyone. Rokuya Nagi: Mitsuki, it’s not because I want to know what Yamato’s secret is. Rokuya Nagi: It’s because Yamato is purposefully allowing the atmosphere to deteriorate between the three of us– and I cannot accept that.Rokuya Nagi: As for Yamato’s secret? I’ll just wash it down, much like I would a bowl of cereal. Yamato, please don’t draw borders between us. Nikaidou Yamato: Ahaha. If you’re talkin’ national borders, then they’ve been there since the beginning. Rokuya Nagi: ……What do you mean? Nikaidou Yamato: Unlike you, a returnee, I have ochazuke for breakfast– not cereal. That’s the answer to all your questions. Nikaidou Yamato: You’re pouring tea on top of rice, instead of milk onto cereal. That’s what different. But that difference holds more weight than any passport could. The tragedy begins here, and ends here. Nikaidou Yamato: You’ll realize it someday. Well, I gotta go now. slam

In 3.5.3. Nagi forcefully make Yamato talk ;’))

Nikaidou Yamato: Hah……. My pulse is racing so fast my heart hurts……. Nikaidou Yamato: ……But I have to go back……. *click*Rokuya Nagi: Hello!Nikaidou Yamato: Ah……. Rokuya Nagi: ……. Nikaidou Yamato: I…. I’m home…. Rokuya Nagi: Welcome back. We’ve been waiting for you to return. Nikaidou Yamato: Yeah…. Ah…. What happened to the entryway? Is it me or did the security got a lot stricter while I was gone……? Rokuya Nagi: That’s not of great importance. Look at me, Yamato. Nikaidou Yamato: But, like…. The windows look kinda grim too……. Rokuya Nagi: Rather than talking about the windows, why don’t you talk about yourself? We’ll hear all about it tonight. Right, Yamato? Nikaidou Yamato: ……. Yeah, that’s what I was gonna do. Rokuya Nagi: OK. Do you know how I feel…. Rokuya Nagi: After urging you, over and over and over again to answer my question…. For you to find that answer at someone else’s house, someone who isn’t even a member…… Nikaidou Yamato: Huh? Rokuya Nagi: Fine. Bring it on. Nikaidou Yamato: Uh…. Are you mad……? Rokuya Nagi: No, no, no! Do you mind if I inform everyone that you’ve returned? I’m sure they’ll be very, very delighted to hear that. Nikaidou Yamato: …Sure, but…. Hm? Who are you calling? Rokuya Nagi: …….

Rokuya Nagi: Hello, President! Tonight’s going to be Round 1 of Yamato’s Confessions! If you have time, please do stop by! Nikaidou Yamato: ……Hey! Just who are you inviting!? Rokuya Nagi: OH! You have something planned? No worries. Thanks. Next– Hello,Yaotome-shi! Nikaidou Yamato: Hey! Let’s keep it to just the members! Hey, are you mad at me? If you are then just tell me, please! Rokuya Nagi: Hello! Mister Yuki. What are you plans for tonight?Nikaidou Yamato: Stop!!! That man’s already given me hell! Rokuya Nagi: Hello, Kujou-shi! Nikaidou Yamato: Are you kidding me? Come on……! *click*Nanase Riku: Welcome back, Yamato-san! I’m really glad you’re back! Osaka Sougo: –I heard from Nagi-kun, so I rushed back! Yotsuba Tamaki: Is it true you’re doing a confession session? I mean, we’ve done a lot up ‘til now, but this is the first time it’s gotten a legit name!Yotsuba Tamaki: That’s our leader! You’re so on point! Nikaidou Yamato: Noooooooo……!

Aaaannd after they listened to Yamato’s story,

Nikaidou Yamato: –I’m sorry…. Rokuya Nagi: Do not apologize. We know, even without asking. Rokuya Nagi: Yamato, you’re happy right now, aren’t you? Congratulations. Nikaidou Yamato: Nagi….

Rokuya Nagi: Precisely. When I came to this country, I learned that ‘Yamato’ was also a word that signified 'Japan.’Rokuya Nagi: That is the name Chiba Shizuo bestowed his child, born in the evening years of his life. Chiba Shizuo, the face of Japan’s acting industry. Rokuya Nagi: He loves you– you’re his pride and joy. Nikaidou Yamato: …….

In 3.8.5. last but not least :”)) Look at Yamato’s character development sobs

Rokuya Nagi: OH…. The video stopped…. Come on, come on, come on…. Signal, please…. Nikaidou Yamato: Nagi, now’s not the time to be slacking off. Rokuya Nagi: Even though you’re holding a can of beer in your right hand, Yamato? Nikaidou Yamato: Haha, I found it in the kitchen. ……Say, Nagi…. I know I can’t say shit, but… Nikaidou Yamato: If there’s anything troubling you, feel free to talk to Onii-san about it. There’s no good in hiding things. Rokuya Nagi: ……. Rokuya Nagi: Hello, Yamato. I’d like to introduce you to my friend. Let’s hop into a time machine and go visit Past Yamato, shall we? Nikaidou Yamato: Ahaha…. I figured you’d say that. Nikaidou Yamato: But, seriously. I felt a lot better after talking to you guys about it. Nikaidou Yamato: So if anything ever happens, just tell us. –Hey now, don’t film this!! Rokuya Nagi: Yes! I’ve obtained some very rare Yamato content!

[emilyplaysotome]

Dating Diaries - Chapter 7 - Therapy

Inspired by real events, Emi enters the dating world after her long term relationship ends. Determined to move forward, she starts dating and quickly finds herself in over her head.

In case you missed it, here are the previous chapters:

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6

“So, why don’t you tell me a little about why you’re here.”

“Because…I miss my shitty ex-boyfriend.”

I found myself staring at my feet as I said it, half-heartedly attempting not to cry. Three weeks had passed since Makoto’s gallery opening (the one I’d attended with Yuri), and in that time a few things had led me to this moment, sitting across from a therapist as I wrestled with my own emotions.

“Let’s talk about him, and why you miss him.”

“I shouldn’t really,” I spat out with a scoff, “he cheated on me and he doesn’t deserve my tears.”

“Maybe not, but you are allowed to feel however you feel…no matter how ‘shitty’ he is.”

“Yeah...”

“Where do you want to start?”

“I guess I’ll start from a few weeks back. I got sick - it wasn’t a big deal or anything. It was just a cold, but I had to call out sick the entire week because I just felt so run down.”

“Do you live alone?”

“Yes. I never lived with my ex Shizuo, but he had a key and at times would stay many nights in a row. When I was sick he’d actually be really sweet to me - he’d pick up medicine, sports drinks, and soup and take care of me a bit...baby me even. I remember he’d always come in and announce, ‘Your sexy nurse is here!’ which was a stupid thing to say but it always got me to laugh no matter how sick I was.”

I pictured the scene in my head as I relayed it to her.

There was this one time that I’d barely been able to move and Shizuo had made a point to get out of work early in order to take care of me. I had been alone up until that point and I remember writhing in pain on my bed, convinced that I was dying.

That idiot Shizuo flew through my front door, just as I was about to hit my lowest point of despair and announced, “Babe! Your sexy nurse has arrived!” and despite how awful I felt, I just started cracking up for some reason. Before I knew it, I was feeling better and I remember wondering later if some of the sick feeling had just been in my head, almost as if it were a physical manifestation of being lonely for hours on end.

“Anyway, this was the first time since our breakup that I got sick. We were together a little over two years and it ended when I found out that he was cheating on me. It hurt a lot, and that was about...three, four months ago? I guess the silver lining of it all is that I know that I don’t want him back. I know that it’s over, and that I have to move on…that I have to be ok on my own. So anyways I’m sick…and I’m trying my best to be ok with it. But...the medicine I’m taking makes me dream weird things, and makes me feel funny but like...helps with the fever and congestion and for the most part knocks me out so I’m asleep on and off the entire day.”

I looked up and figured that the therapist would be taking notes or something, but instead she was just watching me thoughtfully. It caught me a bit off guard, so I stumbled over my words before I finally was able to finish the thought.

“And so, I’m in this medicinal haze. I have this really vivid dream - that I’m caught in a love triangle between the famous novelist Kazumi Kagami and this very sweet man Makoto Morimachi. Kazumi and I have this intense, whirlwind kind of romance but it’s long distance, and inherently flawed. When I think about a future with him, it’s clear that there is none. With Makoto, I have this thing that could be real but it’s not super exciting and our chemistry isn’t as good. So I’m torn insofar as who I like…what I should do…and I wake up and I call for Shizuo. I think, I need Shizuo…my nurse. So I roll over to pick up my phone and I see that I have messages from Kazumi and Makoto. The dream I thought I had - it wasn’t a dream…it was real. But I don’t want either of them. I want Shizuo. And then I remember that he cheated on me. And that I’m never going to have Shizuo with me again. And I just started bawling…just sobbing, uncontrollably.”

“Because you missed him?”

“Maybe. Actually, now that I think about it, maybe it’s because I missed my old life. A life that made sense to me...a life that was simple.”

“Mmmm,” she said affirmatively. “A live that made sense and was simple. Let’s talk about that.”

“I knew what to expect with Shizuo. Things weren’t great, but I knew the kind of ‘bad’ that they would be. The highs and lows were more even I guess.”

“Even?”

“Yeah. It was like a kiddie coaster. It’s a predictable ride. Even when things were bad, they never distracted me at work or anything. I could live my life and eventually figured we’d go back up. The flip side of that is that when things are good they’re not great…just good. Comfortable.”

“And that’s what you miss?”

“Yeah. I miss knowing what to expect. It feels like I was forced off the kiddie coaster and now I’m on the scariest ride at the park. I’ve experienced such emotional highs and lows in such a short amount of time and with men I just don’t even know if I want. It feels futile. It’s exhausting. I’m distracted all the time - emotional, and I just don’t feel as efficient. I’m living in a nightmare.”

My therapist let out a warm chuckle, “You know most people would say that’s just part of the excitement of life. Having new experiences with new people and allowing yourself to be taken on that roller coaster.”

“I guess. I really want off though. Especially that week when I was sick.”

“Mmmm.”

Makoto had asked me out on Wednesday when he’d left my apartment the night of the gallery opening, but I never got to go on that date with him on account of being too sick. He proceeded to send sweet messages throughout the week (checking up on me), but as I’d told the therapist I didn’t want them.

I wanted Shizuo and my old life.

When I finally started to become a bit more alert that Friday/Saturday, Makoto asked if I might feel up to going out with him on Sunday. I agreed, but to be honest after a week of mourning my old life while bedridden (coughing, feverish, and snotty) I wasn’t super excited for a date with him or anyone.

Kazumi had also messaged me and in response to hearing that I was sick used flowery language, full of “my poor darling” and such.

“I wish I were there to take care of you,” he’d written to which I remember yelling, “I don’t want you! I want Shizuo!” as I collapsed in a coughing fit on my bed before crying myself back to sleep again.

Seeing as how the universe loves to toy with me and felt as if things weren’t complicated enough, Kazumi let me know that he was planning on being in Tokyo for a short visit Monday(the day after I was supposed to see Makoto)/Tuesday. 

I made plans to see him as well, but once again felt unenthusiastic about the whole thing.

When Sunday finally arrived, I spent most of the day resting up and watching movies from my childhood that felt familiar and comforting. For months this question of, “Who am I without Shizuo?” haunted me as I struggled to remember the person I was before having him or any man for that matter. 

With nothing to do and nowhere to go and no one to see as my body fought the virus off, I found myself retracing my steps and looking backwards in order to move forwards.

Who was I before I started dating?

Who was I before the inevitable string of boyfriends?

Who was I on my own?

I was pleased to discover that I was and am the same kid who watched those movies and derived great joy from them. 

As a child, I was thoughtful and creative - forced to use my imagination as an only child in order to keep myself occupied as I planned elaborate princess parties in my head.

My kid “self” was someone who spent hours drawing pretty dresses, and thinking about the interior design of my doll houses which would ultimately push me to my current career as a wedding planner.

I was, and still am, a hopeless romantic.

As I’ve aged I’ve become more cynical and hidden away that part of me. However, the “little girl” part of my heart still hopes that one day I’ll be swept off my feet by the perfect man...

A man who makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and who pushes me to be my best self. 

A man who stands beside me and is proud to have me next to him, not behind.

A man that would never make me feel insecure or doubt myself - someone who would never try and control or manipulate me or use my love for him as a weapon against me.

That last bit is something Shizuo did. 

That last bit is where I let myself down in that relationship.

Before the cheating, there were red flags and I should have seen them and ended it. 

As I lay in bed I thought back to the times that Shizuo flipped the script on an argument and turned me into the bad guy when he was the one in the wrong. I thought about how I would hold a mirror up to his actions and when he didn’t like what he saw, he manipulated me into feeling bad.

“Ya know Emi, you always ruin things,” he’d say. “We were having a great night and you just had to ruin it by bringing this stuff up. You know I didn’t wanna talk about it? You know I’m tired - had a long week, was excited to see ya, and I’m not trying to have a talk about feelings. Why couldn’t we just have fun tonight?”

His words would push me to apologize - to end the conflict when I should have answered his question.

“We can’t ‘just have fun tonight’ because of what you’ve done. Why won’t you answer whether or not you were out the night you told me you were at the office? Why are you lying to me? We can’t ‘just have fun’ until you’re accountable and honest. We can’t ‘just have fun’ until you give me the respect I deserve.”

I should have said all that, but I didn’t.

Over two years of my life went by where I found myself becoming timid and scared. I walked on eggshells to keep him...

...so we could ‘just have fun’.

And as I lay in bed I promised myself that I’d never do that again.

I saw Makoto’s apartment that Sunday night.

Before I arrived I told him that I still wasn’t feeling well and that I understood if he wanted to reschedule for a time when I wasn’t “sniffly”. He insisted that we could take it easy, and I somewhat begrudgingly took a car to his place (still not feeling up for taking the train).

In his lobby, I announced my arrival to his doorman.

“Whatsya name dear?”

“Emi.”

“Ami?”

“No. Emi.”

“Ah ya. Of course. The same Emi I been doing this with all week.”

I felt my heart lurch in my chest a little before I said, “Nope. I’ve never been here. New Emi.”

The doorman wasn’t paying attention when I replied. Instead, he spoke with Makoto and then informed me that I was welcome to head up.

I had to laugh a little that Makoto had another Emi, and in the elevator I debated exactly what to say. 

Do I address it? Do I pretend it never happened?

However when I saw him and his big, warm, familiar smile I gave him a hug and said, “Your doorman totally blew up your spot.”

“My spot?”

“Yeah. He told me you’ve got another Emi. Mako - I had no idea you were such a player. I’ve read you totally wrong…”

I watched as panic set in - not the kind of Shizuo panic but the misunderstanding sort of panic as he said, “What?! That’s impossible! I’ve been busy at work all week and I’m not seeing anyone else. What doorman is it?”

“I didn’t see his name tag. He was older though - white hair, kind of chubby…”

“Emi, I swear...I really swear. I don’t have another Emi or another anyone. You can look at my phone if you don’t believe me.”

I giggled at Makoto’s pure, unadulterated panic and shook my head, giving him a kiss before letting him know that even if he did have another girl technically he wasn’t doing anything wrong (but also that I appreciated he was always so honest with me).

His response was so refreshing after Shizuo that I found myself reminded by the fact that I really shouldn’t miss Shizuo at all. 

This was the kind of person I wanted - the kind of person I deserved seeing as how I was kind, loyal, and honest with the people I loved. If I were to apply the golden rule to myself, Makoto fit the description of the kind of person I should be with to a T.

Once it was clear that I believed him, a visibly relieved Makoto took my hand in his and gave me the tour of his one bedroom. It was nicer than I expected, and we hung out in his living room for a bit, listening to music and chatting.

“You don’t seem sick anymore,” he said, as he casually played with my hair.

“Really? You don’t hear my sniffles…and my face…I just - I look so tired.”

“If this is you sick and not looking good, I’m in trouble,” he said, a fierce blush overtaking him upon realizing exactly what he admitted to.

“Awww Mako.”

I kissed him, which led to more kissing, and ultimately going to the bedroom where I experienced another 7/10 sexual experience with him.

As we lay in bed together chatting, Makoto awkwardly confessed that his friend had set him up on a blind date without his permission.

“Mako, you really don’t need to tell me. I told you already - I like you, but I’m not ready and you’re not ready and we’re taking it slow. You are more than allowed to go on dates with other people...though I will never pretend that I like it.”

“No I know, but I just…I don’t want to go. And I haven’t been out with anyone else...”

“I believe you but I promise…as long as you’re always honest with me I will never be mad at you.”

“Alright. I have something else to tell you…”

“Oh boy. What is it?”

“I’m going to be on the road for a month - for work.”

“When?”

“Next Monday.”

“Maybe that’s for the best. We finally slowed down a bit but we could probably stand to move even slower.”

Mako nodded, but he was pouting a little.

“Can I at least see you once more before I go? My schedule is crazy as we gear up for this - I’m leading product research and I have to get the science of this new product perfected before I leave for the manufacturers. Maybe…Sunday again?”

“Sure.”

Mako gave me a little squeeze in acknowledgement and nuzzling my neck whispered, “You’re hard to let go of…”

I’d forgotten how cute he was, but that wasn’t anything new for me.

When it came to Makoto, whenever we weren’t together I always seemed to forget how much I liked him.

I never forgot how much I liked Kazumi, but perhaps that was because the bulk of our relationship had been long distance.

When he arrived at my apartment on Monday, much to my surprise I wasn’t a ball of nerves like I usually was. Upon seeing him enter my apartment, I threw myself into his arms and kissed him.

“Kazu!”

“Hey Sunshine.”

Unlike Makoto, Kazumi never planned things in advance. His MO was to just show up or let me know a day before that he was going to be in town. This time was no different, except for the first time since we started seeing each other I had plans.

I’d told him that he could see me and stay with me so long as he was willing to join me at an event my company was throwing. My coworker Ayumi was in charge of our booth at a wedding expo and my manager had requested I stop by for an hour and just make sure that things were going smoothly.

In return I’d managed to convince them to let me “work from home” for the bulk of the day, which is why when Kazumi arrived at 4 pm on a Monday I could be home to greet him.

“Drop your stuff off and then we should probably head out.”

“Can we get something to eat on the way? I’m starving…and look at you. You’re wasting away. You’ve lost weight.”

“Have I?”

Kazumi playfully grabbed my butt and nodded, “Poor thing. I should have been bringing you soup when you were sick and made sure you were eating properly.”

From there, he skillfully pulled me into his arms and kissed me. As always with Kazumi, one kiss was never just a kiss - it quickly escalated and we didn’t leave until much later than we should have.

Kazumi reminded me in our first few hours together how fun and weird he was. I forgot how much I liked holding his hand and how our bodies just seemed as if they were made for each other.

When we were finally en route I told him that even though I knew he was “THE Kazumi Kagami” that we were about to enter my domain and that I needed him to behave. I made it clear that I kept my professional and private lives separate and him coming with me was out of necessity - not because I wanted him to meet my coworkers. 

It was really important to me that he not do anything that could jeopardize my status at work, or give Ayumi any ammunition considering she was a bit of a gossip.

“You got it Sunshine,” he’d said letting go of my hand with a grin. “Go do your thing.”

Kazumi was a sport, and after what felt like an uneventful two hours we made our way out of the exhibition hall. I introduced him to Ayumi as “Kazu” in an attempt to mask his identity, and when he was out of earshot she grilled me as to the nature of our relationship.

I was tight lipped and glossed over how I knew him, and soon enough I found myself done with work and heading to dinner with Kazumi.

That night, fatigue caught up with him and he basically collapsed after an 8/10 sexual experience to which he was apologetic. I told him not to worry and I let him hold me until we both fell asleep.

The morning was fairly uneventful as well. I wasn’t that pleased by the fact that he’d arranged for such an early bullet train back to Kyoto when I’d had so little time with him but I knew that I couldn’t be greedy. We said goodbye for now, and I figured that would be that…

…but it wasn’t.

At work a few hours later, Ayumi skipped up to me and with a syrupy smile said in a singsong voice, “Emiiiiii your boyyyyyyyyfriend Kazumi followed me on FriendFind.”

“I’m sorry - he what now?”

“He followed me! See!”

Ayumi showed me her phone where I saw Kazumi was now in fact following her. When I logged into my own account I saw a notification that my friends had connected and with an irritated groan I took a screenshot and opened TalkTime, sending him the receipts.

Kazu…you’re killing me with this.

Why? What’s wrong with that?

Ugh because she’s my coworker!

There was a pause and then:

God. I don’t want to fuck everyone I follow.

I saw red in that moment.

What the hell - why would you go there!? I never said that!

I was going to tease you because I told you that I don’t like my professional and personal lives merging and yet you followed the biggest blabbermouth at my office.

Emi - I can’t talk. I’m tired from my trip.

And I’m upset that you’re spying on me.

I’ll talk to you later.

What are you talking about spying on you?! It’s in my feed - not to mention Ayumi told me herself.

I have a meeting.

Whatever.

I was already annoyed at Kazumi - livid in fact, but when that passive aggressive “whatever” came through I couldn’t help but laugh. 

I’d been “whatever”ed by a 40 year old man and a professional writer no less.

Kazumi had no real idea how easy he was to “spy” on and truthfully I had used this public facing information to help my assessment of him from time to time. Had he any idea he probably would have been mad, but I would never have shown my hand like that considering he was not my boyfriend.

Despite Shizuo making me paranoid I knew that Kazumi was completely free to live his life however he saw fit, even if that involved seeing other women. 

I was not his and he was not mine.

At some point during all this I’d realized that and stopped peeking at his profile to see if he was on the app.

It didn’t matter, and I didn’t want to waste my energy on feeling insecure.

Fine. I’ll say this - I’m sorry you’re upset but I wasn’t spying on you. I’ve made it clear you’re free to do whatever you want so I don’t want to waste my time with that. If I thought you were the kind of man who would try to sleep with my coworker after meeting her once (which never crossed my mind) I wouldn’t have you in my life in any capacity.

I was going to tease you about the fact you crossed a professional line of mine, in an attempt to keep the conversation light seeing as how I know you didn’t do it with bad intentions but it stressed me out. When you can talk, let me know.

My phone didn’t light up for over 4 hours with a message. Finally, when Kazumi felt ready, he sent a follow up saying that he may have misread the situation and that his ex had been very controlling and jealous. He said he followed her because they had talked a bit, and she had asked to connect and that he didn’t want to be rude.

You would have though that I’d be happy to have an apology of sorts with an explanation, but it bothered me that this follow up conversation happened when it was convenient for him. During that forced silence I sat and thought about our “relationship” and how it always seemed to happen on Kazumi’s schedule. 

I thought about how he’d used such harsh language with me, and how that word choice made me feel.

It reminded me of Shizuo.

It reminded me of the days of “if you’d only just stayed quiet we could have had fun.”

It reminded me of the fact that I vowed to never walk on eggshells again and that I was allowed to have boundaries and stand up for myself.

I responded that day in a way which I never did to Shizuo - almost as if the universe was allowing me to get closure for myself by doing now what I couldn’t have done in the past.

I expressed that while I’d never fully know the things he’d been through in his life, Kazumi had accidentally crossed a boundary of mine. I told him that in my old relationship I never stood up for myself to the detriment of my own happiness and that I wouldn’t be doing that ever again.

I finally told him that I didn’t live my life on Kazumi Kagami’s schedule, and that I most likely never would.

He apologized again and again, seeing as how he understood my explanation as to Ayumi being a gossip and the professional ramifications that his social add might have on my life at the office. However, when he sent a nebulous comment and I called him in an attempt to clear up the misunderstanding, he told me that he couldn’t talk and once more put everything back on his schedule.

I wrote him a ridiculously long TalkTime message and went to bed.

In the days that followed Kazu and I didn’t talk much, and when we finally did he wasn’t the same. 

He kept saying he was tired or busy, and while it was clear that he wanted to keep me at arms length I couldn’t help but feel as if he was doing the same thing Shizuo would do to keep me with him…

...a syrupy sweet message after a message that makes me feel as if I was in the wrong.

When I saw that and I realized what was happening I began to cry again - not because I was sad, but because I was relieved.

I’d beaten myself up for wasting over two years of my life with an idiot like Shizuo, and now I knew it wasn’t a waste. That experience helped me see something I couldn’t have seen before.

It made me better.

Stronger.

Smarter.

And one day it would help me find the man who could make me truly happy.

At least now I knew that Kazumi Kagami, as amazing and smart and special and interesting as he was, was not it.

“Do you miss him?” my therapist asked after hearing the tl;dr version of my life post Shizuo.

“I do miss Kazu,” I said. “He ‘likes’ my posts occasionally and still texts but I know that something in my heart has closed when it comes to him. After seeing what I saw I just know…I can’t go there again.”

“Does he know that you feel this way?”

I shook my head.

“I sent him an email once. He never responded. I don’t see the need to give him that respect when the last time he couldn’t be bothered to write something in return.”

“Did you want to write something?”

“I did. I just wrote it for me - to remind me why I don’t want to be with him when I get lonely and I think of the charming, handsome, fun novelist that I used to have a lot of fun with and who made me feel special.”

“Is that something you’ve done with Shizuo?”

I thought for a moment before shaking my head no. She nodded and looking towards the clock noted, “We’re actually out of time for today, but I would challenge you to write one to him like you did with Kazumi.”

“Ok, yeah. I think that sounds like a good idea.”

“Same time next week?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“See you then.”

It was night when I left my therapy appointment. I’d been lucky enough to get the last possible spot on a Friday which allowed me to put in a full day at my office without any issue of having to leave early.

The lights of Tokyo glittered above me as I walked to the train to head home for the evening. I didn’t have any plans, nor did I have anything in particular I wanted to do once home. My phone had no messages. All my emails for the week had been addressed and archived.

I felt very alone, but not lonely.

In fact, I felt free.

To that point, I didn’t want to cram into a train car and decided to walk home. 

It was a long walk (a little over an hour), but it was a nice night and I figured that I might stumble upon a place for dinner along the way. I kept my eyes peeled for something that looked enticing, and around 30 minutes into my walk I saw a line around the block for a pizza shop.

Just as I was about to ask one of the couples on line about the restaurant, a hostess came out and announced, “Is anyone here by themselves? I have a spot for one at the counter.”

I looked at all the couples before me who stayed silent and on a whim I raised my hand. The hostess waved me over and within a few minutes I found myself at the counter, debating between the Hellboy (Fresh mozzarella, Italian tomatoes, soppressata, Parmigiano Reggiano, and Mike’s Hot Honey) and the Ricky Ricotta (Italian tomatoes, sweet Italian fennel sausage, Pecorino Romano, post-oven fresh ricotta dollops, baby arugula, and extra virgin olive oil) as I enjoyed a glass of red. 

Behind the counter the bartender (who had to be all of 22) shyly asked if I knew what I wanted.

“Of these two, what would you pick?”

“Oh the Hellboy. For sure. That one’s my favorite.”

“Alright! Sold.”

“Great. Will that be all?”

“Yeah, I’m set for now. Thanks.”

“Cool I’ll get that order in.”

When he left I found myself not wanting to reach for my phone or a distraction, but instead to just let myself sit and wait. 

I sipped my drink and in that moment felt as if I was tasting wine for the first time (I could not remember how long it had been since I’d had a glass of something without any conversation or distraction). When my pizza came, I ate it and marveled at how delicious it was, and how lucky I was to be able to do something like this.

I listened to the conversations of the people around me, and I thought about what couples seemed well suited to each other and what couples didn’t.

I had a second glass and chatted with the bartender about the popularity of the restaurant and learned that they’d opened a few months ago and that their popularity was thanks to a rave review from a popular pizza blogger (which had caused business to explode). 

I gave him a nice tip and once my second glass was drained, I continued my walk home.

I got lost in my thoughts as I walked, and I thought about what the therapist had said to me about all these experiences building resilience. I thought about change as a constant, and I patted myself on the back for surviving these past few months as well as I had.

By the time I was home, I felt at peace - a feeling that I hadn’t felt in some time.

I took a warm bath while listening to a podcast I’d been meaning to check out and by the time I was ready for bed I grabbed my phone and saw I had a message from Makoto.

I’m sorry I’ve been MIA, but I am really looking forward to seeing you Sunday :)

I smiled and responded with, “Me too.”

With that, I turned off the light and snuggled into bed, still not sold on Makoto but feeling for the first time in a long time that my life was pretty good and would only get better from here.

Continue to Chapter 8

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[seigyokus]

8.5 - Shall We Begin?

Idolish Seven - Part 3, Chapter 8.5 For more Part 3 translations, click here!

Translation below the cut!

Osaka Sougo: Pardon the intrusion. I do apologize for-- Ow, ow, ow ow! Yuki: No. More. Changes. Period. Oh, it's just you, Sougo-kun. Osaka Sougo: Y-yes, it is.... Where is Momo-san? Yuki: He went to go suppress the TRIGGER riot. What's the matter? Osaka Sougo: Um.... Is it alright if I watch you work for a bit? Only if you're okay with it, though. Osaka Sougo: I just kind of wanted to see how songs are made.... Yuki: Ah.... If I recall correctly, your uncle was a composer as well? Osaka Sougo: Yes, he was. Yuki: Sure, then. Go ahead. Osaka Sougo: Thank you very much! Yuki: I know I’ve seen you talk about it on TV before, but your taste in music is quite refined. I heard you're doing a music-related radio show soon too. Osaka Sougo: My uncle showed me all sorts of songs. Some of the things you like are also rather surprising, Yuki-san. Yuki: Perhaps. You know, I think you should do it. Compose, that is. You love music, don't you? Osaka Sougo: No…. I don't think someone like me should be com-- Yuki: There are only a finite number of songs by Sakura Haruki. If you want to make IDOLiSH7 infinite, you should give it a go. Osaka Sougo: ....... Osaka Sougo: I do love music, but.... I don't think I have the skills necessary for that. Yuki: While it’s true you need to have an ear for music, the most important skill for the job is love. Then you can keep repeating. Osaka Sougo: Repeating? Yuki: You know how it's impossible to spend an entire day doing something you hate? On the flip side, you could easily do so if it was something you loved-- as if you were obsessed. Yuki: That's a skill in itself. Embrace your curiosity. The more you do it, the better you'll get. Yuki: As long as you have passion, you’ll be capable of reaching out to the works you would’ve otherwise discarded, even when you’ve lost heart countless times. Yuki: So even if you want to run, even if it gets painful, even if you start to hate it-- you can't stop loving it. That's why you'll keep returning to the same place, over and over again. Yuki: Having a never-ending passion for music is a skill. Osaka Sougo: A never-ending passion.... Yuki: I'm sure your uncle was the same way. Every time he got trampled or crushed by others, he'd come back to life and keep on loving music. It’s just like looping your favorite song. Yuki: If you have all of that inside you, then what more do you need? Osaka Sougo: ......Will it go well, though? Yuki: Of course not. That passion of yours will bring you sorrow. Yuki: But it'll also show you've sights you've never seen before. Yuki: And there's not a thing in the world you'd trade for those sights. That's how splendid they are. After all, those sights are yours and yours alone. Osaka Sougo: ....... Yuki: You love music, don't you? Osaka Sougo: I love it.... Yuki: That's all the reason you need. You might be terrible at first. People may laugh at you, and there might be all sorts of embarrassing things. But.... Yuki: As long as you truly love music, and not the fantasy of being a great composer, all of this should be unbearably fun. (1) Yuki: Let it take you captive. Osaka Sougo: .......

Rokuya Nagi: OH.... The video stopped.... Come on, come on, come on.... Signal, please.... Nikaidou Yamato: Nagi, now's not the time to be slacking off. Rokuya Nagi: Even though you're holding a can of beer in your right hand, Yamato? Nikaidou Yamato: Haha, I found it in the kitchen. ......Say, Nagi.... I know I can't say shit, but... Nikaidou Yamato: If there's anything troubling you, feel free to talk to Onii-san about it. There's no good in hiding things. Rokuya Nagi: ....... Rokuya Nagi: Hello, Yamato. I'd like to introduce you to my friend. Let’s hop into a time machine and go visit Past Yamato, shall we? Nikaidou Yamato: Ahaha.... I figured you'd say that. Nikaidou Yamato: But, seriously. I felt a lot better after talking to you guys about it. Nikaidou Yamato: So if anything ever happens, just tell us. --Hey now, don't film this!! Rokuya Nagi: Yes! I've obtained some very rare Yamato content! Nikaidou Yamato: Oh, gosh.... What am I to do with you.... Hm? What are you doing? Rokuya Nagi: OH.... My phone converted the words strangely. Now there's nerdy numbers. (2) Nikaidou Yamato: Nerdy numbers!? Wait, hold up. Those are just the alternative characters for them. (3) Nikaidou Yamato: You use 'em in contracts and stuff so people can't change the numbers willy nilly. See, here's one, two, and three. Ichi, ni, san.... Rokuya Nagi: Oh, right! What about six? The 'roku' in Rokuya Nagi? Nikaidou Yamato: Six was.... What was it again? Uh, try typing it and see what it spits out. .....Ah, it's that. That character. Rokuya Nagi: OH....... Nikaidou Yamato: ......Nagi? Rokuya Nagi: ......What a wonderful discovery! No matter what happens in the future, we'll be able to stay perfect as ever. Nikaidou Yamato: What are you talking about? What a weirdo.... Anyways, we better get back soon, otherwise Mitsu's gonna be pissed. Rokuya Nagi: OK!

Yuki: It's finally done....... Yaotome Gaku: We only got the moves down. We ran outta time to do formations.... Nanase Riku: We managed to finish all of the individual ones! We'll arrange everyone's starting now! Yotsuba Tamaki: I'm so sleepy....... Nikaidou Yamato: Man, it's gonna be a rough 24 hours if we keep going at this pace.... The real deal's gonna be tough too.... Momo: I'm worried for my voice. It might be gone for the performance. Nanase Riku: That's really terrifying.... Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Nevertheless, we're done! Please let us listen to the finished song! Momo: Yeah, of course! Huh...? Wait, Yuki! Don’t sleep right now! Come on, stick it out! Just one more thing! Yuki: I can't open my eyes anymore....... Yotsuba Tamaki: You look like one of those Buddhist monk statues right now, Yukirin. (4) Momo: Heheh. Yuki's still super handsome, even as a monk! Nanase Riku: You can do it, Yuki-san! Please let us hear our song! Kujou Ten: Although we may have rioted, we've been eagerly waiting for this. Yuki: Alright, fine.... Everyone, sit down. All: Woah......!

Yaotome Gaku: It's a great song! It definitely feels like 'Friends Day!' Osaka Sougo: It's magnificent! I can't believe it transformed into this from what I heard yesterday! Izumi Mitsuki: I wanna sing this with everyone as soon as possible! Yotsuba Tamaki: The chorus is super good! I wanna sing that! Nikaidou Yamato: Tama, everyone's gonna sing that. All: Ahahaha! Nanase Riku: I'm even more excited for "Friends Day!" This is the first time all of us are singing together, right? Kujou Ten: Let us overcome the borders between our groups and agencies and just sing. Rokuya Nagi: Charities and music are some of the most splendid things mankind has created. Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: All of us can connect through music. It won't just be us-- everyone participating in this charity telethon will be connected too! Takanashi Tsumugi: And just like this, the ultimate theme song, jam-packed with everyone's feelings, was completed! Takanashi Tsumugi: However.... Takanashi Tsumugi: TRIGGER would never get to sing this song.

Inumaru Touma: Congrats on becoming the president of Tsukumo Productions, Ryou-san. Tsukumo Ryou: Thank you. Natsume Minami: The visitor from earlier was someone from Hoshikage Entertainment Agency, correct? Tsukumo Ryou: The agency used to be such a brilliant star, but ever since Chiba Shizuo left them, it has only been glimmering weakly. The visitor was here to propose a business partnership. (5) Tsukumo Ryou: Hoshikage's Minami and soon-to-be-Hoshikage’s Torao have been entrusted to me-- to produce as idols. Natsume Minami: Wouldn’t it have been better for us to transfer over to Tsukumo? It’s not as if Hoshikage has much say in anything right now. Tsukumo Ryou: Well, I think it's best if we feign that ŹOOĻ is the darling child of the Two Great Empires. That way all of you will be utterly untouchable in this industry. Tsukumo Ryou: Now, let's get down to business. We must decide on where to fire our warning shot today so we can finish everything right around when the charity telethon will air. Midou Torao: Warning shot? Sounds dangerous. Tsukumo Ryou: Oh, it’s just to give them taste of what will happen if they decide to defy me. Tsukumo Ryou: Fighting here and there is just such a bother. Instead, we'll just smother everyone's fighting spirit in one fell swoop by slaying the hero right from the start. Tsukumo Ryou: As such, the groups in the thick of the idol boom are the most suitable for this venture. After all, everything that begins must come to an end-- including idol booms. Tsukumo Ryou: I'll show them that I can end things on my terms. Tsukumo Ryou: IDOLiSH7 is much too new. We can crush them any time we want to, so perhaps they're not the best group to use as a warning. Tsukumo Ryou: But, Re:vale and TRIGGER…. Who shall we offer as our sacrificial lamb? Inumaru Touma: TRIGGER. Natsume Minami: I say Re:vale. A group with that much popularity ought to exit the stage as soon as possible. Midou Torao: I'm fine with either. The deciding vote is yours, Haruka. Isumi Haruka: ...Isn't it obvious? Isumi Haruka: I vote for TRIGGER. Tsukumo Ryou: Bum-bum-ba-dum! It's decided. Tsukumo Ryou: We're going to seize TRIGGER. Inumaru Touma: Seize them!? This isn't what we discussed! I refuse to be in the same agency as those guys! Tsukumo Ryou: Now, now. You'll see....

To be continued....

TL Notes/comments:

thank u @kuriiii for eng proofreadin as usual!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SORRY FOR THE LONGASS DELAY BTWN LAST UPDATE AND NOW, lotsa Real Life stuff happened so I finally have time 2 sit down and properly tl/edit for the time being o(--< 

(1) yuki technically says 'As long as you truly love music, and not yourself, who is capable of composing really well' etcetc. I went with a slightly more interp-y take on that second part, since he's talking about loving composing because you love music. Not because of ego (of being a good composer) or delusions of grandeur. Because then, even if you suck, it'll still be fun to compose! That’s my take on Yuki-logic (2) When you type in Japanese, it suggests kanji for the kana you type in (ex. もの --> 物, 者). That's the conversion Nagi's referring to. (3) Continuing off of the last point, daiji (大字) are ye olden way of writing numbers (He calls them otaku numbers though LMFAO). ANYWAYS, instead of 一、二、三 for 'one, two, three/ichi, ni, san,' you have 壱、弐、参. If you scroll down a bit here, there's a nice chart of all the numbers. In addition to the functions Yamato mentioned, they're actually on the yen as well!  Anyways, the interesting part here is that the character for six is 陸, coincidentally the same character as Riku's given name (七瀬<b>陸</b>).... And six in Japanese is 'roku,' which is the same 'roku' in 'Rokuya Nagi' (<b>六</b>弥ナギ).... [nagi voice] Hm…. (4) Tamaki's referring to Ojizō-sama, which is frequently seen as this kind of statue. But bc no one would know what th heck I’m talking abt if i dropped ‘Kshitigarbha’ or ‘the patron monk of travelling and etcetcetcetc’ (unless ur buddhist), so i put it in the most tamaki-esque terms I could think of LOL………… (5) This is actually a pun on Hoshikage's name since it has the word ‘hoshi’ / 'star' in it LMAO

As usual, if you see any mistakes/mistranslations/etc, please message me!

Thank you for reading!!

[seigyokus]

2.2 - Unknown Wound

Idolish Seven - Part 3, Chapter 2.2 For more Part 3 translations, click here!

Translation below the cut!

Director: Hmm....... Not quite. Nikaidou Yamato: Ah....... Sorry.... Director: Did you read the original work? Nikaidou Yamato: I did. Director: In the last scene, the police and his father break into the collection room, right? There, he yells at his father: Director: "Father, this is all your fault!" I want that to be a little more intense. Can you try saying this line again? Nikaidou Yamato: Father, this is all your fault! Director: Hmm....... Again. Nikaidou Yamato: Father…. This is all your fault! Director: Hmm....... Haha, sorry. It's not bad, though. Nikaidou Yamato: ....... Director: Idols are really good at acting. This goes for Yuki-kun as well. Director: They've all got superb pacing. And because they're used to it, when they gotta deliver something, they deliver it with a bang! When you ask them to do something, they present it in a really good way. Director: Their expressions and voices are like direct attacks to the viewers' hearts. Bam! Just like a heart massage, y'know? They're so cool-- I'm always mesmerized. Director: But for this last scene, I don't want something that just straightforwardly tugs at the heartstrings. I want it to pull something out from deep inside their hearts and leave a lasting impression on the viewers. Director: I want you to throw away the skills you've honed as a master artisan and be more like an artist. That way you'll be able to draw out the true depth of the original work and be more persuasive as an actor. Director: For example, Chiba Shizuo-san's-- Ah....... Nikaidou Yamato: ......It's fine. What about Shizuo-san? Director: Shizuo-san's acting in "The Crescent Moon Wolf." That famous scene where the rōnin glares down the enemy group in the moonlit night, after his wife and daughter have been killed. Director: Everyone knew that Shizuo-san was good at striking poses. He'd give 'em a single glare, and then settle the scene with a bang. Director: But, Shizuo-san just stood still and gazed at the enemy. Director: The audience could only hold their breath, as if they forgot to breathe. They felt the rōnin's anguish, resentment, and determination-- as if they were their own feelings. Nikaidou Yamato: ....... Director: That's what I want you to bring out for the last scene. Don't think of this as entertainment, be less aware of that fact. It's okay. I know you can do it, Nikaidou-kun. Nikaidou Yamato: ......I understand. I'll try it out.

Director: Haa....... This sure is difficult....... Yuki: Director. Director: Woah! Yuki-kun, you surprised me there.... Yuki: I think it'd be better if you gave him more concrete instructions. Yuki: Telling him to be less of an artisan and more of an artist is much too abstract and extreme for a new actor. I myself would've been thrown into utter disarray, gone crazy, and burst into haka. Director: Haka? You mean that Maori dance......? Yuki: Yep. I'd be so confused, that I'd have no other choice but to try to inspire you. Be thorough with him, as you were with me. (2) Director: No way, it's impossible for me to boss Shizuo-san's son around like that. My palms were sweating just now....... Yuki: I don't think Shizuo-san would mind. Director: No, no. You see, one of my old teachers got a call-- from Shizuo-san. Director: Apparently Shizuo-san had heard that his son would be starring in one of my movies, and gave me his regards. My mentor gave gave me a hefty warning, told me not to destroy his reputation. Absolutely terrifying. Director: Well, he's young and it's a really crucial time for him right now. But didn't he get trained by Shizuo-san? I'm sure he's getting advice from him as he goes. Yuki: ....... Director: He's not? So those rumors about them not getting along are true? Is that why he debuted as an idol outside of Hoshikage? Yuki: ....... You won't be getting anything out of me. Director: Gotcha. I won't ask. Well, if it's Nikaidou-kun, I'm sure he'll be okay. Director: Both you and Nikaidou-kun are great actors full of potential. I don't even wanna call you idol actors at this point. Director: You never get confused either-- You're an artist, through and through. You're keen and sensitive, you go at your own pace, and you're lonely. Yuki: Lonely? Please don't say that. I've been working with my partner for five years now, and I'm also senpai to many younger stars. Director: Really? I've been doing this job for a long, long time, so I'm really familiar with people like you. Director: People like you are like flowing rivers, you see? You won't stop by anyone's side, nor do you let anyone stop by your side. Director: But if the stream is brought to a halt, then the water becomes dirty and clouded. That's why even the people you love leave so freely, because they know you're like that. Yuki: ....... Director: Shizuo-san is exactly like that too. Nobody can fully understand that man's charms and appeals-- he is brilliant, high and unreachable. Director: ......Perhaps that's the reason why he isn't cut out for family life.......

Nikaidou Yamato: Artisan...? ...Artist? Something that doesn't pull at the heartstrings, but instead pulls it out of their heart......? Nikaidou Yamato: ...I don't really get it....... I gotta kick it up a notch and properly study, huh....... Nikaidou Yamato: Maybe I should try asking him again? No....... Nikaidou Yamato: .......He's only gonna compare me to that man again. Natsume Minami: Nikaidou-san. Nikaidou Yamato: Ah....... Natsume Minami: I'm Natsume Minami. I play that girl's fiancé, the one who you massacre. You had quite a long chat with the director. Nikaidou Yamato: Yeah. I didn't have a good understanding of the work, that's all. Natsume Minami: The director has great expectations for you. After all, you're the son of Japan's most famous and representative actor. Nikaidou Yamato: ....... So you know too? Natsume Minami: It's because I'm from Hoshikage Entertainment. Even if you take that into account, very few people know about it right now. Nikaidou Yamato: I see....... Natsume Minami: But wouldn’t it be nice if this didn't get leaked to the weekly magazines in a convoluted manner? Natsume Minami: If that happened then both Shizuo-san, universally known a devoted husband, and IDOLiSH7 will have their images dragged down. Natsume Minami: That topic is a little too graphic for an idol group that's marketed as bright, fresh, and wholesome, isn't it? Nikaidou Yamato: ....... That's…. true....... Natsume Minami: Oh, don't be sad. If you achieve a lot through this movie, then you'll be able to shrug off all of the negativity. Natsume Minami: You're very talented, Nikaidou-san. You could continue on and survive as a fully fledged actor instead, even if IDOLiSH7's popularity falls. Nikaidou Yamato: ......Haha. So you're saying that I'm the only one who ends up escaping, even though I sank that ship? Nikaidou Yamato: As if I could do something like that-- Natsume Minami: But it's going to happen sooner or later, is it not? Nikaidou Yamato: ....... Natsume Minami: Ahaha.... You really do resemble him when you glare. Shizuo-san, that is. Natsume Minami: By the way, men who have small irises are highly suspicious of others, with a fiery temperament like an untamed horse. They're belligerent, and tend to resort to lowly and cunning methods. (1) Nikaidou Yamato: Oh? Then how about I use some of those lowly and cunning methods to shut your mouth? Natsume Minami: Ahaha. Pardon me, I meant no harm. It's just that I found it a little.... hilarious. Natsume Minami: I look forward to seeing your activities. Excuse me. Nikaidou Yamato: ....... Nikaidou Yamato: ...Fuck.......

Mister Shimooka: Our guest this week is IDOLiSH7! And boy are they popular...! Nanase Riku: Thank you very much! It's all thanks to everyone! Mister Shimooka: I've been cheering them on ever since they debuted, so I'm really moved too! What do you think of the current idol craze, Riku-kun? Mister Shimooka: The number of idol fans and, of course, the number of people aiming to be idols just keeps going up! Nanase Riku: That makes me really happy! It was also my dream to be an idol, ever since I was a kid! Nanase Riku: I'll do my best to make the people who love idols and the people aiming to be idols happy! Audience: Kyaaaaa...!

Girl: IDOLiSH7's so amazing...! I'm glad I supported them this whole time! Older Sister: You've gotten more friends lately too. Girl: Yeah! I have all of the old articles about IDOLiSH7, and I've been showing it to the other girls in my class! Mother: You're so popular now! Aren't you glad you're a fan of IDOLiSH7? Girl: Yep!

OL: We got more hits on our website! I'm happy that the number of IDOLiSH7 fans is increasing! OL: Can't even keep up with them nowadays! We gotta do our best to update from now on!

Mister Shimooka: Good job, Mitsuki-kun! Your responses were on fire today! You just keep getting better and better with words! Izumi Mitsuki: Thank you very much! Mister Shimooka: You made it easier for the other guests to talk, and I'm really glad someone like you is in IDOLiSH7. No wonder you guys are so popular! Izumi Mitsuki: Ehehe. It's not like that at all, but thank you very much. I’m really happy! Mister Shimooka: I'm a lot less worried about Yamato-kun now. Sure he's got that Chiba Salon thing, but if anything happens you'll be there to follow-up. Izumi Mitsuki: ....... Mister Shimooka: Hoshikage-san's been real noisy about it lately, so I was a little concerned.... But I'm relieved after watching you guys today! Izumi Mitsuki: Um.... Uh....... Mister Shimooka: ......Wait, you don't know? You haven't heard anything? Izumi Mitsuki: Ah..... No....... Mister Shimooka: No way! You guys are such good friends though.... But you haven't heard a single thing about this......? Izumi Mitsuki: ....... Mister Shimooka: Ah, no-- I see....... Sorry about that. Forget what I just said. Izumi Mitsuki: ......Shimaoka-san, just what is 'Chiba Salon?' Mister Shimooka: I'm sorry! Please forget it! I can't tell you anything, especially because I'm not a part of Hoshikage.... I…. I was so sure you knew about it....... Izumi Mitsuki: It's okay, I understand.... Mister Shimooka: I'm really sorry about that! Well, I’ll see you later.... Izumi Mitsuki: It's fine, good work today....... Izumi Mitsuki: ....... Izumi Mitsuki: We...... We are good friends....... Right...?

To be continued.... 

TL Notes/comments:

Sorry for the wait!! both me and kuri were dying over exams (Esp kuri), and thank you as always for proofreading and catching my 102938129038 stupid 2-5 am typos!!! 

(1) The eye type minami describes is actually just one where you can see the whites of the eye at the bottom lashline normally but that's way too goddamn long even for this bad luck + death flag fortune cookie kiddo. ALSO, methods is kinda shoehorned in for smoother tling of yamato's line in response to this. 

(2) dunno why Yuki talks about inspiration here but Okay. Other TL things to note: Director. BOY the way he speaks is kinda fun, very much so an artistic type (nice metaphors bro) and very enthusiastic. I was a bit more liberal with his lines bc of that. Artisan vs artist: if you google you get “An artist is a person who performs any of the creative arts. This can range from painting to music. An artisan, on the other hand, is a skilled worker who makes things by hand” from the second result. Usually I’d go with craftsman but in this case, to up the confusion factor, I chose artisan. My brain also kept trying to mix Chiba and Shizuo and I repeatedly typed Chizuo instead of Shizuo LMAO I cannot stress how important it is to listen thru the story because holy cow, I love what Shirai did with the “father this is all your fault!!!” line! The text is actually the same in the story script, but I’ve reformatted the translation a bit so it reads like how it sounds in Japanese (love U shirai). Um also at some point in time I ended up in the youtube rabbit hole of watching haka videos!!! They’re so cool and also v addicting to watch, just wow. Wow.

As usual, if you see any mistakes/mistranslations/etc, please message me!

Thank you for reading!!