#but we don't know if it's gonna be renewed yet I cri
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The Apartment: part 8
▪️for parts 1-7, click here
pairing: Kuroo Tetsurou x fem! reader
rating/warnings: swearing, drinking
synopsis: You knew that living with your three best friends, Kuroo, Oikawa, and Bokuto, would be a wild ride. It’s never a dull moment with those three. Let’s just hope you can keep your huge crush on Kuroo a secret when he is only a room away.
a/n: hi friends!! so this is going to be the second to last part :(( thank you again for all the love on this 💛 [this part is a little less fluffy so sorry about that, I’ll make up for it tho :) ] the taglist is still open for the last part of you’d like to be added, and my inbox is still open for requests :) okay, enjoy xx 🌸
•
eight: forever
The rest of the week felt like a dream. Each morning, Kuroo would wake you with a shower of kisses and have you wrapped up in his arms. You couldn’t believe that this was your life now, that after years of chasing after this boy, he was yours. You did still tease Kuroo a lot that if he had just told you he felt the same, you two could have saved some precious time. Still, you were happy enough to call him yours.
“Do you know around what time they’ll be getting here?” you asked. Oikawa and Bokuto were finally coming back from their little trips today. You and Kuroo were just organizing the apartment before they arrived.
“Bokuto texted me and he said they should be here in about 5 minutes,” explained Kuroo. You nodded. You missed your friends dearly. Though things around the apartment might be a little different now that you and Kuroo were together, you would all figure it out.
You went to sit on the couch as you waited for Oikawa and Bokuto. Kuroo joined you, putting his arm around you. You rested your head on his chest.
“I love you, you know that right?” he said. You looked at him and smiled.
“I love you too, you know that right?” you kissed his cheek. Kuroo moved your legs to rest on his, his hand on your thigh.
“I can’t wait to see Bokuto and Oikawa’s reaction to us,” said Kuroo. You chuckled.
“I have a feeling they aren’t going to mind.”
~
*Knock Knock*
You jumped up from Kuroo’s lap so fast and rushed over to the door.
“HEY HEY HEY!” You jumped into Bokuto’s arms instantly.
“Um hey I’m here too,” pouted Oikawa. Kuroo gave Oikawa a hug.
“We missed you too,” smiled Kuroo. Bokuto set you down and you went over to Oikawa.
“I missed you so much Toru!” Oikawa’s eyes widened.
“Toru? No shittykawa, no flattykawa?” You laughed.
“You just got back so I won’t insult you just yet,” you joked. Kuroo wrapped his arms around your waist. Oikawa and Bokuto looked at each other, then back at you and Kuroo.
“Wait...did you guys…?” Began Bokuto before he trailed off. You looked at Kuroo and smiled. Kuroo nodded. Bokuto and Oikawa pulled the two of you into a hug.
“FINALLY YES YES!” cheered Bokuto . The four of you bounced up and down in your silly group hug.
“I swear if I had to watch Y/N drool over Kuroo for one more day I would have moved out,” said oikawa, breaking from the hug. You hit his arm.
“Oh shut up,” you groaned. Kuroo kissed your head.
“Yeah not like she could be any more obvious,” he joked. You rolled your eyes.
“Okay okay we get it.”
~
“No,” protested Bokuto. You sighed
“Please Bo! It will just make things easier.”
“I am not sharing a room with Oikawa,” he pouted.
“Hey you should be honored to share a room with me!” huffed Oikawa.
“Bokuto think about it, do you really want me sneaking into Kuroo’s room every night? It will just be easier if we switch rooms.”
“Why don't you just keep it in your pants instead?” muttered Oikawa. Kuroo gave him a glare.
“If you switch rooms with me, I’ll make barbecue for dinner tonight,” you proposed. Bokuto’s eyes lit up.
“Deal.”
~
Life in the apartment was never better. You finally got yourself moved into Kuroo’s room and as much as Bokuto and Oikawa would never admit it, they were having so much fun sharing a room. It was like a slumber party everyday with those two.
Your full year in the apartment was almost finished. School kept you busy but so did your roommates and boyfriend. Those three never failed to put a smile on your face. Every day was filled with its own mini adventure. Whether it was working out with Bokuto, having a spa day with Oikawa, or a date with Kuroo, you loved every bit of it. (You and Kuroo even went on a few double dates with Calie and AJ).
The four of you were snuggled up on the couch. It was ‘self care’ night as Oikawa liked to call it. So you sat on Kuroo’s lap, tying his hair up with a little hair tie, and applying a bright blue face mask on him.
“Why does this smell like an orange?” he asked.
“Maybe because it’s a citrus face mask idiot” replied Oikawa. You chucked. You, Oikawa, and Bokuto already had your masks on.
“I have the bubbly!” cheered Oikawa, holding his favorite rosé. You sighed.
“I still wonder why we let you buy that,” you joked. Oikawa began to pour four glasses.
“Hey, this rosé brought you and the nerd together after all so I think we should be grateful,” he handed you a glass.
“I wouldn’t go that far…” mumble Kuroo. You laughed and gave him a quick peck.
“Doesn’t matter to me how we got together, just that we did,” you smiled.
“Gross,” muttered Bokuto. Kuroo playfully hit his arm.
“Okay okay, cheers?” said Oikawa. The four of you held your glasses up and clinked them together.
“Okay so what are we watching?” You asked, turning on the TV.
“‘Gilmore Girls’!”
“‘Unsolved Mysteries’!”
“‘Sports Center!’”
You looked at your friends and laughed.
“I’m picking then.” You decided on ‘Grease’ to keep with the theme of ‘self care’ night.
After about 20 minutes, you all washed your face masks off. Bokuto was very pleased with how ‘bright’ his complexion looked.
“Bokuto you've never looked better!” said Oikawa.
“Thank you! Wait…”
The four of you went back to the living room, this time you and Kuroo cuddled together on the loveseat while Bokuto and Oikawa shared the couch.
“Have you checked the mail recently?” You asked. Kuroo pointed to the kitchen table.
“Everything should be there,” he explained. You went over and grabbed the small bundle of letters, scanning through them. One of the letters caught your attention.
“Hey guys, this ones from the landlord,” you said. You opened up the letter and began to read it.
“What’s it say babe?” asked Kuroo.
“We need to send in our request to renew our lease by the end of the week,” you explained. When you all decided to rent out your apartment, you only signed a one year lease, unsure how things would go.
“Well uh...we haven’t really talked about that stuff yet,” said Oikawa. You moved to sit with Kuroo again, showing him the letter.
“Do we really want to talk about this now? Seems like a kinda serious topic,” whispered Bokuto. Oikawa sighed.
“I’ve been meaning to tell you guys but...Iwa asked me if I wanted to move in with him for our last year. His roommate transferred so he has the room,” explained Oikawa. Your heart dropped.
“Yeah Akaashi suggested that I move in with him for next year too, since I’ll be staying with him after graduation anyway,” said Bokuto. You shook your head, trying to process their words.
“Wait so you all want to move out for our last year?”
“We don’t know if we actually will yet...it’s just an option,” whispered Oikawa.
“But if just one of us moves out, this place is too expensive and we won’t be able to pay,” you sighed.
“Y/N calm down a bit…”
“I am calm! I’m just trying to understand why you guys would want to move out for our last year?” You felt your eyes starting to water. Kuroo gently started to rub your back.
“Y/N, it’s gonna be okay. Oikawa and I aren’t even sure if we will be moving out. It was just an idea-“
“Well I don’t like this idea!” You cried. The boys were quiet.
“How-How can you guys just leave? What happens during our senior year then? What if we don’t have classes together? What about after graduation? We are just supposed to part our ways? If you guys move out then I’ll never see you again!”
Tears were streaming down your face before you even realized it. Bokuto and Oikawa squeezed next to you on the loveseat.
“Hey Y/N, of course you’ll see us again. But you know we weren’t all gonna live together forever, right?” said Oikawa. You sighed.
“I know but...you guys are the only family I have. I-I’m not ready to just let you leave me just yet,” you sobbed. Kuroo brought you to his chest.
“No one is leaving anyone Y/N. We are still your family, that’s never gonna change. Just because we might not all live together doesn’t mean we won’t all be together,” said Kuroo. Oikawa and Bokuto joined Kuroo in giving you a right hug.
“I just...I just want you guys to be happy,” you murmured, “so I guess if moving out makes you happy, then you should.”
“We are happy. This is just about our future, after college, you know?” said Bokuto. Kuroo wiped the tears from your eyes.
“Will you live with me?” You asked Kuroo. He chuckled.
“I was planning on it silly.” Kuroo kissed the top of your head.
“Yeah we can’t third and fourth wheel forever,” laughed Bokuto. You gave him a small smile.
“Hey now, Y/N, don’t tell me you’ll actually miss me?” joked Oikawa.
“I’ll miss you least of all shittykawa,” you laughed. Oikawa smiled.
“We can talk about this later okay guys? Let’s just enjoy the movie,” suggested Bokuto. You nodded.
The four of you stayed crammed into the loveseat, enjoying each other’s closeness.
“I love you guys,” you said. The boys looked at you.
“We love you too.”
Kuroo kissed your cheek.
“But I love you most of all, okay?”
You smiled. “Okay.”
•
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TW: anxiety/panic attacks/suicide
Yesterday was not good.
You know those made up conversations you have in your head that you use as a guideline to prepare you for the real thing? I got lost in one while trying to fall asleep last night. Trying to converse with my father and falling apart. Trying to tell him why I'm so messed up, even though he should clearly know.
And despite all the bullshit, I love the old man. He's an asshole who doesn't listen to me a majority of the time, but I know he cares in his own weird way. So that pretend conversation that turned into a one-sided argument had me in a pretend breakdown. And then that breakdown spilled over into real life. I started remembering that the last time I saw my mother alive we'd argued. She was dead within 12 hours. What if I finally try to speak to my father and he dies afterwards? Would it be my fault?
Full blown panic attack in seconds. I'm sobbing, rocking back and forth, reaching for my phone to see if anyone's online and awake to talk to (because I wanted to let boyfriend sleep). No one's awake that would care to listen or understand what I'm talking about. Check playstation app to see if anyone's awake there. Strangely enough, not a soul. Try to calm myself. Fail.
Suddenly, warm soft fur presses against my leg and I dry my eyes and look down as Mose cries out, "Mrow?"
He gently paws me and I scoop him up, hold him close, focus on the warmth of his body and the gentle vibration of purrs. I feel him licking at tears on my cheek and my heart stops racing. It may have only been a couple of minutes we sat that way but I eventually put him down, turn on the heating pad for him, and try to go back to sleep.
Boyfriend gets up early (three hours later) to go renew car tags. Says Mose didn't even run to hang out with him - stayed glued to my side, but watched him with interest. I wake up as he's getting dressed, feeling exhausted, explain to him about the shitty night and he stops what he's doing to sit with me.
I start being a sobby mess. Words come crashing and tumbling like fine china and shattering. I'm wrapped in his arms and I'm babbling. Probably nonsense. I don't even remember what I said. I think I calm down. Boyfriend says it's okay - that I'm not required to hold anything back. So I fall apart again. I didn't realize how long we just curled up on the floor together with just hugs and kisses through my tears, but eventually I calm enough to see it's been 2 hours. I start apologizing and he shrugs, "They're still open. I'll just have to wait longer. Who cares?"
I tell him I'm gonna try to sleep. He tucks me in and heads out. Mose curls up closer to me and I manage to pass out.
Somewhere around 5pm I wake up. Check my phone. See boyfriend has stopped at his father's house to shoot at targets for a while just to relax. I tell him that I love him and to be safe.
My father wakes an hour later to get ready for work. As soon as I see him my brain loses its grip on sanity - I feel my chest tighten and I'm back at the start of a panic attack to a pretend conversation I no longer plan to have at all.
I run to the kitchen while he heads for the shower - oblivious - and try to calm myself. Boyfriend sees I'm awake and sends me a video of him loading one of the bb guns - to share a silly MGS joke with me.
Brain freaks out. Remembering he struggles just as hard as I do with depression and suicidal urges. I literally know it's not a real gun - I've held it - but my heart starts pounding like a trapped prisoner and I crumple on the floor fighting my mind as it insists he's disappearing. I'm losing him. He's going to kill himself. I manage to finally play the video - see he's fine. Try to send him several voice messages and start having another panic attack. I'm sobbing and shaking and finally he just replies, "I'm coming home. Don't drive anywhere. Just get ready and I'll take you out for a bit."
And he gets here in a couple hours and he's tired, but he's sweet. We go out and eat. Take turns picking music - mine are shades of blue and soft while his are shades of orange and lively. He doesn't comment on it or chastise me for varying song choice - he just allows it. He snuggles me at home until he falls asleep.
Now the thoughts are racing and it's nearly 2:30am. In exhausted. Want to sleep. Every time I rest my head, my heart wants to race and my thoughts follow swiftly after. Made cookies. Hoped the warmth would comfort me. Burned them slightly but ate them anyway.
My kitty is curled up next to me. My man snoring on my other side. Yet the brief gaps between both have such a thick blanket of darkness. I'm just a mess.
I'm not sure if this helps me. To type it all out. I guess it'll be good to reference later if I'm ever on the other side. Like 'look how far you've come' and all that.
I just want outta here. My sanity is so shot.
I just want out.
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Stand Still
:01
Seven Months Ago...
April 14th, 2022
"Babe!" Dallas had called out to his wife, who was silently losing her mind at the stick that was in her hand.
She had heard multiple muffled footsteps approaching, yet she couldn't move. What she thought wasn't possible was.
"Babe, we gotta-" Dallas had swung the bathroom door open, his gray eyes immediately looking to the stick that was trapped in between her forefinger and thumb.
He breathed in silently, the rise and fall in his chest noticeable beyond belief.
"What's that Chris?" he whispered.
She looked up from the two pink lines, tears building up in her green eyes. She thrust the stick out to him, his eyes traveling down for a moment before he looked back at her.
"You're pregnant?" his voice, breaking into tiny sobs.
She nodded, a small cry breaking out of her chest before Dallas pulled her into his arms and squeezed her own oxygen out of her. He picked her up, his lips capturing hers, messy and excited.
"We're gonna have a baby!" He yelled into the bathroom, the soon to be father's voice echoed.
"We're gonna have a baby." She confirmed, nodding to him.
"We're gonna have a baby." Dallas smiled, the dazzling smile Christen had fell in love with at the age of nineteen.
She nodded again, smiling back before pressing her lips to his.
His hands slid down her waist, wrapping themselves around the back of her thighs before pulling her up to his height. Christen's hands had weaved themselves into his thick hair, curls coarse and tight. His lips trailed further down, the skin of her luscious neck being sucked into his mouth before he laid her down onto their bed. Old hickeys were renewed as Dallas licked and sucked, his hands wandering upon his wife of four years. The buttons on her shirt were ripped, the small clear buttons pinging against the hardwood of the floor. Her breasts protruded out of her black silk bralette, her nipples pebbled and tight.
"God, we're going to miss the gala tonight." Dallas groaned as Christen moved her hips against his thigh.
"Don't care." Christen breathed as her lips connected against the rough warmth of his skin.
Their lips collided over and over, clothes removed slowly but with anticipation, building to the moment they knew they'd be connected in their love. Christen's hands moved over his chest, covered in his coarse curls, just like the mess of curls that covered his head. She brought him down, his hips creating friction on the way down.
"Dallas," Christen moaned.
"I got you baby." He spoke gravely.
His hands removed the silk bralette and immediately covered the hard points in the warmth of his tongue. Christen had risen, keeping his head intact with her skin as she almost lost control. Dallas couldn't help but play with the other, getting her ready, preparing her for what he was going to do. His hands trailed down her sides; his tongue traveling down the small dip of skin into her navel, his tongue dipping momentarily.
"Oh god," she cried out as his hands slipped into her shorts, "Stop teasing."
"That's the best part," Dallas crookedly smiled at her, placing a kiss at the ending of her stomach.
His thick fingers pulled the band of her silk pink shorts down, unraveling the wetness of his wife to his eyes. His dick throbbed to the sight of her glistening sex, pink and puffy, all for him. His tongue dipped into her opening, stroking the inner muscle of her. Her hands running through his black curls. His forefinger and thumb spread the top of her labia, uncovering the best part of his wife's pussy. Her clit. His mouth covered the small bud of nerves and sucked harshly, his teeth nipping and pulling as his wife lost control over her moans and movements of her body. His tongue continued to lash her clit, his fingers slipping into her wet sex, finding her g spot immediately. Her pussy came up abruptly as she came against his mouth, her pussy dripping liquid as she lost herself to her senses.
His brutal assault came to a soft licking as she came down from her small moment of euphoria. He lifted up, watching his beautiful wife lay in the middle of their bed, her curls splayed out around her and a small sheen of sweat gracing her lithe body. His belt buckle brought her back to life, her eyes trailing lower and lower until the sight she had been wanting had graced her presence. His pants and boxer-briefs had slid down his dark skin, the head of his erect penis harshly pink and protruding proudly from the middle of his thighs. He grabbed her waist and pushed her up the bed, her head laid gently down upon on the pillows up top.
"I'm about to wreck you, I hope you know that." Dallas smiled, as his hand caressed her face.
She whimpered at the contact of the tip of his dick sliding over her wetness, nudging her clit momentarily. She grasped the back of his neck, meshing their lips together as he pushed his thick length into her.
"Dallas," She breathed heavily.
"You feel that?" He pulled out, pushing back in after a second.
She nodded, no words formulated as he continued his rough pounding of her pussy. His hands encased hers, pulling them above her head as he bottomed out in her time and time again.
"You gonna come for me?" Dallas whispered, his eyes watching her facial expression of what they called "the little death". So much of her pleasure was his and he knew her pleasure looked like pain.
"Yes, oh my god, yes-" Her body becoming taut in an upward stroke he had supplied her with multiple thrusts in a matter of their small moment.
"Look at me," he demanded. "Look at me while you come on my dick."
Her eyes fluttered open, her body experiencing so many things at once. A few pleasure tears escaping her eyes when she blinked uncontrollably as Dallas kept pushing her to the brink of falling. His eyes searched hers as he brought her to the precipice of her climax.
"Dallas," Christen cried out, sucking in air like she wasn't going to get anymore.
He kept pushing her, bringing her to a plane of pleasure she hadn't been brought to before. His hands switched out, one clasping both of her wrists in one and the other sneaking down to pinch her erect clit in between his fingers.
"Don't stop." She cried, more tears escaping her lids as she lost herself in the waves he was creating for her.
He kept pushing and pulling, taking gratification in the fact that he was the only person that could make her feel like this. The only one in her life to give her these feelings.
Eventually Dallas indulged himself, finally filling her with his cum and collapsing on top of her chest. Her frantic heart filled his eardrums as they both slowly climbed back down from their orifice of pleasure.
"I love you," he whispered as his fingertips trailed over the length of her skin beneath him.
"I love you." A tone of finality in her voice as she wound her arms around his broad shoulders.
"You're giving me the best thing I could ever hope for Chris." He kissed her wrist.
"We've created life, it takes two my love." Christen smiled as Dallas lifted from her sticky skin.
"You'll be carrying our child for the next nine months, I am forever indebted to you." He kissed her, a soul wrenching kiss.
She pulled away breathless after a few moments, curling into his body as he laid beside her. His warmth encased her in a small cocoon as they rested back into the bed.
"Do you know how far along you are?" He asked softly.
"I'm not sure, but I'll make sure to make an appointment so that we can find out." She murmured.
His lips gently kissed her forehead, lulling her into a small slumber.
"I love you." He whispered as he felt the weight of her head increase in the crook of his shoulder.
Present Day...
January 14th, 2023
Christen stood in the hospital room, her ribs throbbed painfully in sync as she breathed in and out. The sheer hospital gown gave her no warmth which resulted in her shivering, creating more pain across the forefront of her body and mind.
Christen carried herself over slowly to the wide window of the room, her eyes tiredly covering the whole city before her. It had been snowing continuously, sleeting or raining, or just sprinkles of snow constantly going. It had been non stop and Christen, wanted it to go away. She hated snow, because all she saw with snow was blood, the rustic color. Bright red and then like iron, the kind you find on metal that's been sitting out too long with the weather. Christen would leave this place as soon as she could, with no one but herself. The memories too harsh for her to want to bring anyone else into the life that had transpired around her.
"I brought you lunch and good news." Andrew presented himself with a bag of Newk's, a better restaurant that had taken over Panera in the last few years.
"Good news?" Christen furrowed her eyebrows.
"Yeah, you'll be released today. Hospital says you're good to go. We just have to pick up your prescriptions and get you signed up for physical therapy." Andrew explained.
Christen sighed, nothing was good news. Nothing could ever be good news.
"Here, I got you the club with the broccoli cheese soup."
"Thank you."
"I also brought you some clothes," his head nodding over to the blue duffel bag that was lain down on the tile flooring.
His arm extended to the floor before handing over the bag to her, her eyes skeptical of what he could've brought from the collection of clothes that hadn't been stolen that fateful night.
Christen carefully unzipped the lightweight bag and sifted through the choice of clothing. Her large brown cashmere sweater and two pairs of leggings and her old beaten up black and white old skool Vans. Her fingers slowly dragged over the materials, a warmth filling her as she remembered the times of the sweater and her vans. The memories she had made over her time here in Raleigh.
Tears filled her eyes as the smell of Dallas' cologne filled her senses, in and around her. She couldn't believe after all this time it still smelled like him. She hadn't worn it in months, not since the small labor day weekend back in September.
"You okay?"
Christen nodded, not trusting her small voice. She picked up her clothes quickly and headed over to the small bathroom that was attached to the room. Christen quickly stripped out of the gown, the light material piling around her ankles before she slid on one pair of the black leggings. Fuzzy socks the color of cream, covered her feet as she pulled the makeshift pants on with slight difficulty. Christen hadn't taken the time to look in the mirror but when she did, she was horrified. Her cheek was still swollen and the knot on the left side of her brow was still there, not coming down no matter how much medicine or ice the nurse had given her. Her skin was a sickly pale yellow, her normal tan skin completely gone after that night and from lack of proper nourishment.
She looked away, carefully pulling the sweater over her head in an attempt to get used to stretching out the top half of her body. She cringed as her bones screamed for her to not make a further attempt but she persisted. She had to get through this.
Christen emerged a few moments later, Andrew on his phone before taking a look at her and pointing to the food he had bought her. Christen couldn't hear what was being said on the other line, but it couldn't have been good. Andrew was taut, in a protective stance in which always commenced when something bad was said to the lawyer, kind of like an instinct. She had noticed it after all the years of being around him.
Andrew clicked his phone off, his mood immediately soured after what he had heard.
"Everything okay?" Christen asked softly.
"Nothing you should be worried about, eat up." Andrew pointed.
She sighed, she knew she wouldn't get anything out of him.
Christen carefully ate, mindful not to put too much energy into scarfing it down. She couldn't keep anything down for the past few days; but she wasn't sure if it was because the food here was disgusting and somewhat questionable or if it had been the events that somehow kept replaying in her mind.
"Hello, Ms. Collins! How are you doing today?" Dr. Stephen, a woman in her late forties, asked.
Christen absentmindedly ate another bite of her sandwich. Not really up for answering the question that had been bombarded on her the second day of her stay here. She wasn't okay, or fine, or whatever you wanted to call it; but she'd be damned if she was put into a mental institution if she answered any of those "How are you feeling" questions.
"Alright, no answer, perfectly fine. You're being released today, so I will give you a prescription for your pain and you can find someone from your insurance to do your physical therapy, alright?"
Christen nodded, her simple response to everything now a days.
"You ready?" Andrew sat next to her, holding her prescription paper in his left hand.
"As I'll ever be." She shrugged, crumpling up her sandwich paper and tossing it into the brown paper bag.
Andrew grabbed her hand, caressing the back of her hand as she threw the duffel bag over her shoulder and walked down the dimly lit walkway of the hospital.
"Now you stay behind me and make sure to keep hold of my hand alright?" Andrew stole her attention away from the reflection of the elevator doors.
"Yeah got it."
How did she end up here? How was it that five days ago, she had been out with her husband and girlfriends, while enjoying beers and fries, was now her facing a murder trial of her own husband and her newborn daughter? Tears brimmed her eyes and she looked down, scared for her life. This was publicized, especially in the town of Raleigh. She was known here. She had grown up here in this town, building her art studio from scratch and transforming it into a global franchise.
So...how did she end up here?
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