#but tumblr is blocked and so is gmail (and google stuff in general)

[velvet-games]

I genuinely need a hug after the completely unnecessary panic I just went through cause I thought I couldn't upload my art here anymore 😭

[plazeeboeffect]

my mom would hack into my social media accounts, read my text messages, look into my history on YT/google/anything. growing up she would take my phone at random and read the texts between my friends and i. One time she saw a whole conversation about my friend's past self harm situation and got mad at me for not telling her.... that.... my friend... used to self harm... as if it's her business or is even relevant to me as a whole. the one time i went out with my friends (16) i tried a sip of a hotel sized fireball. she must have gone through our dumpster to find it, because she made up a whole story to try and get me to admit to having a sip of it and when i did she admitted that she lied and then told me "i wouldn't have been mad if you hadnt lied to me ablut it." notice the hypocrisy. She then grounded me from seeing my friends ever again and took away every source of contact with the outside world for an entire month, that's when i started self harming. she went as far as calling the cops on me because i had a broken piece of a sign and she thought i had vandalized something. mind you, i was never the teen that did anything but practice saxophone and study. i went out one night with a couple friends where i was a bystandard and she completely treated me like some alcohol addicted, vandalizing out of control child when i had 1 sip of alcohol and had a piece of a sign a friend gave me.

she has always used the "my house my rules" BS on me and my sisters. i eventually got to college and moved out but she continued to stalk my online. she would constantly post about me (she did this as i was growing up too), lying about me having mental issues or being deathly ill when i was fine. family and friends would call me worried that i was dying when i would have a common cold. i had to block my mom on FB only a couple months after getting one. continuing back into college life she would always, always post pictures of me without my permission and i had told her over and over again not to do that because it made me uncomfortable and she still did. She continues TODAY to do that, she posted photos of me in a neighborhood FB page to the neighborhood we are moving to and i was hoping to have a fresh start as a guy as im transitionig where people wont know me as a girl but she posted photos of girl me to that page and apparently some guy there wants to date me. ALL WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. ALL WITH HER KNOWING I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH HER POSTING PICTURES OR ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT ME. I LIKE my privacy i NEED it and i need to be in control of what is posted about me picture and content wise. i have so much anxiety taking group photos or photos in general on someone elses phone:camera cuz im terrified theyll post them all without asking me first.

At one point i moved back to my moms and she continued to read my text messages via phone bills, hack into my fb and the lgbt groups i was apart of, hack into my tumblrs and twitter and look into every account ive made, hack into my gmail and its documents to see what i was writing. She used all this stuff one night to tell me everything she "knew" about me and told me i was mentally unstable and that she's the only one in this family who knows me... because she stalked me. after that i moved out and didn't talk to her for about a year, changed my phone number, changed my phone, double changed all my passwords and even had to delete some accounts. due to certain things i now live with her again (and am gonna move to that neighborhood i talked about). as far as i know she hasnt invaded my privacy, but im always on edge. and i see her do the same shit to my little sister with looking through her phone/tablet.

She once looked through my older sister's messages and found she was sending nudes and sexting/having sex with her boyfriend of 1 year (now 7 years). she was 17 and moved out to live with a friend due to the invasiveness of our mother.

My moms complete lack of regard to my privacy has made me scared to post anything online or do anything online or search anything. It goes against the part of me that loves sharing and talking to people online and learning, reading, and writing online. i feel like nothing is truly mine because she always made herself apart of things that were mine. its something i will probably never get over.

respect your kid's privacy.

So my dad took away my laptop because I wouldn’t give him the password. I wasn’t even allowed to type it in, he demanded to know the password to my personal computer because he thinks I’m “ doing things I’m not supposed to do. ” My sister is not, and never has been, held to the same standard when it came to passwords on her own phone etc. But my parents always suspect me of being “up to something” and will randomly ask to use my computer/ know the password, and when I say no, they get mad at me. In the past, they have taken away my devices and looked through them, which cased me a lot of anxiety and is part of the reason I don’t like it when people use my computer or go through the camera roll on my phone. Even as I type this, I’m being asked what I’m doing. If you think parents demanding to know the passwords to their child’s personal devices is a breach of privacy please reblog

[marlaluster]

A dead end here n still going anyway (n i was talking here in the beginning too about the devil attacking me) .....

But the devil was attacking very bad this morning after I woke. It was making it not easy to poop, it was just a little to come out n it feels not like it was all there was to come out. "I am doing something w the poop," the devil said. But it was trying to make toilet water splash onto my butt some or a little. Then it was trying to make my pants fall to touch on the floor because I can be picky w that. I don't really wish to be picky. The devil does try to bring to mind things so i feel or seem aware of stuff touching this or that to seem gross. It just brought to mind my butt to touch the bed after seeming to be having some toilet water get on it. "I am not okay that you don't think it's okay here," the devil said. A break here. But very irritating it was attacking, it was like on the job or prowl. It's so very irritating. It's pressing my legs are to look bad, it's pressing that in my mind. I have a hard time trying to post photos w the blog not working so great presently n i cannot contact support. The devil making the send button not work on the page w the support option for Tumblr. "I am not allowed to do those things," the devil said. It has also been making Google mail not work for me. Rather Gmail is what it's called. I could try to get attention to that. The devil causes problems w Instagram as well. "I am something not logged not as here," the devil said after it was trying to press my hair was to seem to feel thing [things [thin]] in the upper or left side area. Then it made a seeming dandruff flake fall from my head. But very irritating attacking. I'm going to tell about a couple of things or I was thinking to, it is attacking very bad of something I was thinking to tell. It is making some irritation or something for me to mention it. But yesterday I was trying to tell Karla about some stuff I was thinking about medicine. I told her I was told no person would do what doctors do here validating disease as real, they are to be substantiating these horrible things that happen to people as things to be. They are nit something easy to get rid of or stop, like what is called here a heart attack or what is obesity here. It is something where it's something to stick around n be a formidable, substantial problem for people. I was told this after I was irritated n upset the devil chases n torments me about the diseases etc or stuff that's supposed to be wrong w me. I'm supposed to have problems w my teeth, it has pressed i was to seem possible to have heart problems, it was tormenting me I would have diabetes, etc. Those things, i said are not really treated as how I would say people probably would treat them really as i was told nobody would do what they're doing. The devil is trying to block my thoughts as im writing. It's extremely irritating. But one told Karla that would suggest something is not to be hard to get rid of n would be something to go away n not linger is if everyone was having an input on what to do n not just someone that's an expert n going to all the schooling etc. People as just people should be able to help, i said even a baby, i said even the lamp n other things n i said those things can talk but it is hidden here. But I was saying things being accessible n being things anyone could deal w or that a person could go to anyone for help if they needed help, this means mire that things that are bad etc are easy to get rid of n are treated as things not to be. The things are substantiated as formidable by it being something to study n have this specialized dealing n research, requiring a lab n formulas people don't generally know n things like microscopes. The devil heavily attacking my thoughts as im writing. It tried to press that i was to think of that people doing what they love is defense of themselves. It's trying to claim that thought now. IT'S SO INSANELY IRRITATING N SO OBSESSED. This society has a very weird treatment of what people are for. They all are equal, here it's pressed they're not. The devil keeps messing w my thoughts. But stuff is focused on as things that are not to be more than meets the eye is something. More, you could say, spiritual things dealing w emotional n like people's wishes n dreams etc are not things to consider really. I talked about this a long time ago, that people's feelings are not really respected. Lots of hurtful things are did as part of what's supposed to be operations. People don't wish fees n fines. People are really in a hostile environment. Stuff very hurtful is done n is not to be avoided really. Enemies among are not really supported n are not supposed to be a problem, a figure that would hurt someone in order to supposedly support things to be okay. There are court rulings, jailing, things where people are supposed to be affirmed as wrong etc. It's very bad. Wrong to maybe not pay for something or wrong for being poor. This society makes people poor. They're wrong for not having money, people can be homeless here for that. Its very bad here. But the things people want, this is another thing i was thinking n it relates to me saying this society is so dull n not making any sense, it's going nowhere, it doesn't have anything good for people. It has all this other stuff though. Poverty housing, government, police, disease, medicine, forced labor, environmental concerns to rule ones behavior etc. All this stuff is supposed to be something n so substantial that people don't eish or get or understand. Technology isn't commonly understood but it's to be very substantial etc n functional n supporting of things people use n need like electricity n etc. Stuff should be more like how people are as themselves n w they're understanding n be accessible n not dealt out to all these experts that are smarter n superior. It's important stuff is accessible for people n really is for just anyone. I wouldn't wish to talk n someone not understand me or that I'm so able to do something others are not. I don't really wish that. I wish to have something to offer n not be unimportant but anyone is supposed to be to do stuff I do as a person. But this society, where is it going n what is it doing? What is there to do n what is something to be as in what way of life etc is there to be if people cannot have what they want. People are wrong for everything they want here. They want certain foods. They don't wish to be forced to work n that's work. They wish to have things easy, be good looking, be w a person they wish even if the person is supposed to seem too special, I'm talking about myself. People are supposed to be so inferior to wish what they wish. So what is the society going for but for not anything really worth anything because it's supposed to be not supported or worth anything, the stuff people want.