#but this is the self promo i've decided i'm gonna use for this fic

[anonymous-dentist]

From the Ordo Realitas' official Instagram page:

DO NOT EAT STRANGE WATERMELONS! If a strange man in all white walks up to you and offers you a slice of discounted watermelon, DO NOT EAT IT! Politely decline the man's offer, and walk away. Once you're safely away, call the Ordo Realitas, and we'll send an agent to take care of the problem for you!

-

Coming Soon: Ordem AU Chapter Two

(Send any comments, theories, concerns you might have, I want to see them!)

[pineau-noir]

Damn it I wanted to send this on anon so you wouldn't feel compelled to hype me up (though I TOTALLY get why anon is off lol) but I wanted to say that YOU'RE AWESOME AND SO TALENTED AND LOVELY AND DESERVE THE WORLD!!

Okay I have more to say but I'm gonna under the cut because:

tw: discussion of scars/injuries from baking/cooking

I, too, have burned my arm cooking multiple times, I even used it as part of my inspiration for a fic and I swear this isn't self-promo but I got excited when I saw that in your tags. I have NO idea if this will help you but this is my thing.

So I have a scar on my arm from when I made bread for the first time. It hurt like hell at the time but obviously eventually healed. It's faded. but I can still find it when I look.

I don't want to be a baker. But making that bread was a big accomplishment for me. It was fun and showed me that I could branch out and try new things bc the bread was delicious. That scar reminds me that whatever I do in life is going to have its drawbacks, but I've gotta decide whether the lows are worth the highs. I might burn my arm while I bake, but that doesn't mean I never want to bake again.

Here's my other, totally unrelated, thing that I hope will cheer you up. (That you might recognize).

A guy falls into a deep well. He looks around and can't figure out how to climb up. He sees a doctor walk by. He shouts up, "Hey, Doc, I'm down here can you help me out?" The doctor writes out a prescription, tosses it down and walks away. A bit later, a reverend walks by. "Hey, reverend, can you help me out?" The reverend writes down a prayer, tosses it in the well and walks away. Then a friend passes by. The guy shouts, "Hey, Tom, I'm down here in the well, can you help me out?" Tom jumps into the well, and the guy's like "Why'd you do that? Now we're both down here!" And Tom says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before, and I know the way out."

Leah, I'm one of those people, too, who gets excited hyping up/taking care of other people. So I know how it feels to need some hype and not know how to ask for it.

WOW this was so schmaltzy. I'm gonna press send before I lose my nerve.

YES!!!! Thinking about other people makes me happy and gets me out of my head! Honestly, it's something positive! It reminds me of what I love about fandom and my friends and it helps so much.

As for under the cut, it wasn’t even something new or exciting! I was roasting vegetables! Lolsob. They turned out good at least

Also also!!!! You quote scripture (Leo- omg i forgot for a minute then my screamed at me) at me and then expect me to think it's schmaltzy??? No!!! I cry!!! I'm happy and I cry at you!!!!!

Thank you, Phoebe! I'm so happy you're my friend. I'm so in awe of your skill, I love that we have so many things in common (TWW, TS, Drarry) and I just think you're the tits. Like, if anyone asked me, "who is the tits?" I would say, without hesitation, Phoebe.

[negans-lucille-tblr]

I’ve been interested in turning my fics into books (obviously changing character names and such) and I know you self published, so if you don’t mind can I ask what that was like? Did you attempt to go to a publisher or did you know you wanted to self publish from the start, and how much did publishing cost and is your book in stores or making money? Sorry if this is invasive or rude im not trying to be, im genuinely interested and anytime I google it I can’t get a straight answer so I figured I’d ask someone who’s gone through the process 😊

I didn't even attempt going to a publisher with His Property. Mainly because it was erotica and I was a little embarrassed about submitting it to places (I'm kinda over that now lol) but also I have a family friend who is an author, and she's often in the top ten romance writers in the UK, so she's got a lot of experience under her belt.

I was talking to her about publishing, and she said that when you get published via a publisher, 80% of your "job" as a writer is not writing. It's promo or editing or meetings, then you've gotta write X amount of words by X date, and then you've gotta include XYZ in your books, and then you send it off and when it comes back about 40% of it has been changed by editors and you can't do anything about it. She also hates every book cover she's ever had because she had no artistic say.

She's signed to three different publishers under three different contracts but they're all the same. She heavily advised I did my own thing, and as I'm very fortunate in having a decent following on here, and I've already got a pool of readers familiar with my work that I can promote my books to, I decided self-publishing was the way forward.

Obviously, I had to take care of editing myself, I designed the cover myself, found the printers and whatnot. I had to create my own website and handle all the sales on that end (Which for me was easy to do as that's actually my 'real life job' already) I did have to pay out for the first print run, but I made sure to price the books accordingly so I'd make my money back plus a profit for all my efforts/time. The first print run paid for itself easily enough, then you use some of your profit for the next and the next etc etc

Honestly cost will depend on what you're gonna pay others to do and what you're gonna do yourself. It also heavily depends on how many books you're gonna want to print. The company I used charged like £15 per book for the first 5, and then it got much less per copy the more you bought. Once you're looking at 100+ copies it's very very reasonable.

Sorry I can't be more help and good luck!