#but they went back to their deadbeat bullshit really fucking fast

[authenticmiya]

Pinky Promise - Hawk x Reader

Summary - Part 2 of Punching Bag. After all of this lost time, can the reader come to terms with the bad past she has with Hawk? Can they redeem what they had?

Words - 2k

Warnings - angst

Hawk pulled into the driveway of his house, the house you hadn’t been in for what felt like a lifetime ago. His moms car was gone, meaning it really was just the two of you.

“I bet my hair looks a mess right now.” You sighed, handing the helmet back over.

“Not as much of a mess as your knuckles, come on, let’s get you sorted.” The two of you walked towards the front door.

“Shit, I haven’t got my keys.” Hawk tapped on his pockets repeatedly, hoping they were in there.

“Under the statue of the Dalmatian.” You told him and his eyes creased together in confusion.

“Your mom always left a spare key under the Dalmatian.” Hawk was shocked that you had even remembered that.

“Don’t be surprised, the amount of times you used to lock us out, it’s hard to forget.” Hawk didn’t know how to feel. You didn’t want help, so why were you helping him?

“As much as it pains me to say, my hand is stinging like a bitch.” You admitted.

“Right, right.” He muttered, lifting the statue up and of course finding the spare keys. When he opened the door, you were hit with nostalgia.

“Nothings really changed in here.” Hawk watched as you took in everything.

“Last time I was here, you slammed the door in my face.” Hawk swallowed the lump in his throat. That night was the some what end of your friendship together. It wasn’t his transition into Hawk, it was who he became when he was Hawk.

“I shouldn’t have let you leave like that Y/N-“ He began.

“But you did and we both said some hurtful shit.” Hawk nodded and allowed you to follow him into the kitchen.

“There is no way your mom still has this on the fridge.” You gasped at the picture of you and Eli at Golf N Stuff when you were both five.

“You beat my ass at Golf every-time we went there.” He chuckled and a small smile formed on your lips. Noticing he had got the first aid kit out, you perched yourself on the counter.

“This is gonna sting like a bitch.” Hawk prepared you as he wiped away the blood and applied some anti-septic over the cuts.

“That’s the first thing you’ve been right about in months.” Your sarcastic, rude remarks were expected and Hawk took them. He couldn’t exactly say you were wrong, because the only thing coming out of your mouth, was the truth. Wrapping a small amount of bandage over the wounds, Hawk was finished being your doctor.

“Thank-you.” You said, before hopping off of the counter and heading towards the front door.

“Not so fast Y/N, I said once I finished with your knuckles, you and I were talking.” Hawk stopped you.

“I’m not gonna talk to you if you’re gonna be an asshole about it.” You snapped.

“Okay I’m sorry, please can we just talk? No arguing, no nothing, just a conversation.” You chewed the inside of your mouth and hesitantly nodded.

“What happened that night, Y/N I can never forgive myself. I have this whole badass reputation you know? It’s not an excuse, it never was and it will never be. I never should’ve let that take over what we could’ve had.” Hawk told you once the two of you had sat down on the couch.

“What we could’ve had? Are you serious? Eli, Hawk, whatever you wanna be fucking called. You and I were best friends. I mean the best of friends throughout our entire childhoods. We were each-others rocks when it came to the bullying, nah scratch that, you, me and Demetri.” He knew you were trying to pick a fight, but he wasn’t going to give a reaction. He was the one who done dirty, and now he was coming to his senses.

“I shouldn’t have let it come to any of that, we were meant to rise to the top together.” Hawk frowned, now noticing how sad you felt.

“If what you are now, is at the top, I wanna stay at rock bottom.” You told him with a sigh.

“I can’t change what I’ve done to you Y/N or Demetri, I can’t do anything about what I’ve already done. But I can try and avoid it from happening again.” Hawk tried to hold your hand but you shrugged him off.

“You know when mom left me all them years ago? I thought I felt heartbreak for the first time, but when you knew what you were doing to us.” You referred to yourself and Demetri.

“That’s when I felt heartbreak. Knowing you thought it was alright to become the bully. Them nerds? Them nerds you were once apart of. You were in their shoes, and now you’ve put them in the position that nobody should have to go through. At first you though it was badass, but now, you’re a massive dick.” You ranted.

“It’s taken you this long. It’s taken me getting a few cuts for you to realise you were in the wrong this entire time?” Hawk felt like he could cry, he done you so dirty.

“Y/N please-“ It took him every ounce not to just break down in tears in front of you.

“I had no one to go to.” A tear slipped out of your eye and Hawk felt his whole world come crashing down on him.

“I mean I had Demetri, but you know how awkward he gets. You’re the one who would sit there for hours on hours to listen to me and understand my problems, and when you left, I had no one.” You confessed.

“Sure I had Miguel but he was always busy with Karate and Sam, and yeah I guess you could say Johnny is a father figure in my life, but I wasn’t with him everyday like I was with you.” You sniffled, wiping away at the tears that kept building up.

“I have enough money in my bank account to support my bills for maybe half a month. Once my money goes, I’ve lost everything.”

“No you haven’t. Don’t ever fucking say that. You have me. Y/N, you will always have me.” Hawk couldn’t stress that enough but his actions hadn’t really made that clear in the past.

“So that’s it yeah? I let you back in my life and suddenly I have to trust you not to leave? Not to slam the door in my face? Not to drop me like a bag of potatoes again?” You questioned him.

“I needed you and you weren’t there.” You frustratedly disclosed with him.

“I wasn’t there when I had to be. I’ve got so much lost time to make up for, that’s if you’ll let me. I know I wasn’t there, and that is really suffocating me with regret. You did everything for me Y/N. You never left my side, even when all the popular girls wanted to be your friend, you shook them off and stuck by me. I treated you like shit and I’m so sorry.” Now this was the side of Eli that you hadn’t been familiar with for a very, very long time.

“I guess it’s true what they say when you don’t know what you have until it’s gone, right?” You asked him.

“That quote is gonna haunt me for the rest of my life.” From then it was silence. It didn’t feel awkward, yet it just didn’t feel peaceful either.

“I’m willing to forgive this, to try and come to terms with the new you just as long as you promise me one thing-“ Before you could finish the sentence, the front door opened and shut.

“Honey are you home?” Hawks mom called out, and your eyes widened. You hadn’t seen his mom in forever.

“Eli?” She went to call again, but stopped dead in her tracks when she realised you were sat next to him.

“Well god have mercy on me, Y/N? What are you doing here?” She excitedly rushed over and embraced you. The women who was there for every bullshit excuse your ‘parents’ had. It was your turn to feel bad now, because when you lost Eli, you hardly ever spoke to his mom.

“Hi Momma M.” You smiled as the hug lasted as long as it possibly could.

“I can’t believe you’re here! How are you? How’s your dad?” She asked and you gulped.

“I’m okay, he kinda up and left, got married to a women in Dubai.” You told her.

“He’s always been such a goddam slime ball.” She scoffed, quickly brushing that off and letting her calm demeanour take over. It seemed that everyone you knew, had the exact same opinion on your ‘dad’, even before you knew he was going to be permanently out of your life.

“Don’t worry, I beat the crap out of a punching bag.” Your comment made her chuckle, but that would never stop her from worrying about you.

“I’m not gonna ask questions as to why you two are even in the same room right now, but I’d really appreciate if you stayed long enough for us to have a chat Y/N. You’re a good kid, like the daughter I never had. I’ve missed you.” She smiled.

“Don’t worry, let’s go have a catch-up.” She brought you through to the kitchen and poured you a cold orange juice, leaving Hawk to wander about in his feelings in the living room.

“I know what happened between you two.” She began and you chuckled.

“Thought you weren’t gonna ask questions Momma M.” You took a sip of your drink with a slight smirk.

“Not in front of him, this is strictly girl talk.” She pointed out.

“Eli’s transformation was obviously a huge shock, and although I don’t agree with his actions, he’s still my baby, and I had to get used to everything he was doing. I let him do his own thing you know? Try to let him find himself. But believe me when I say he had one huge scolding when I found out about you and him.” His mom admitted to you.

“Me coming here today, was because he didn’t want me suffering through the night with sore hands.” You told her.

“And something as simple as that, means a lot to him. You trusted him enough to come back here Y/N. That’s a start.” She wasn’t on anyone’s sides, she just wanted what was best for you both.

“I suppose I didn’t really wanna go back to a dark apartment.” You laughed, forgetting that she didn’t know.

“That deadbeat isn’t helping you with the apartment anymore is he? That’s why you have no electricity.” Eli’s mom couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“I’ve never wanted sympathy, you know that. I don’t want people feeling bad for me.” You sighed.

“I don’t care Y/N, you’re gonna go pack up your stuff and you’re gonna come and stay here.” She was completely serious.

“I can’t just do that, not after everything with Eli. I can’t intrude on you, this is your home not mine.” You were so appreciative of this women, but the offering made you feel bad.

“You’ve never known how to take anything offered to you. Remember Y/N, I’ve known you since you were a little bump on your mom’s belly.” You couldn’t help but wrap your arms around her.

“That’s if it’s alright with you?” His mom said and you turned around to see Hawk watching.

“I don’t think I could want anything more.” He smiled lightly. You walked over to him, and for the first time in forever, you hugged him. He was hesitant at first, but was quick to wrap you in a tight embrace. Hawk never wanted this moment to end.

“You can have the guest bedroom, or maybe share a room with Eli when you get married one day? You can have any room you want apart from mine.” His mom said excitedly as the two of you were still hugging.

“Long shot for marriage Mom!”

“You’ve gotta promise me, that you and I won’t forget this, but we will forgive this. We got over the bullying, we can get over this. Okay?” You held up your little finger, he hooked his over yours as you two sealed the pack with a pinky promise.

“We can do this.” And you couldn’t help the chuckle that fell from your lips as his mom squealed in his excitement.

Maybe things were gonna change for the good rather than the bad this time.

[five-miles-over]

Misery Loves Company (Clay Bidwell x Reader)

Summary: After leaving his hometown and all of its chaos, Clay Bidwell meets the reader at a strange bar and the two of them have a much-needed break from their troubles.

Word Count: 2,262

Warnings: swearing, mentions of death (allusions to suicide), and some references to the film Clay Pigeons

If there was one thing that Clay Bidwell could change, it would be his decision to trust Lester Long. I mean, what the hell was he thinking, trusting some new guy in town with a big old grin to keep him safe. That guy's self-appointed nickname said it all: Lester the Molester. What a son of a bitch. What a smiling, cheery, fucking son of a bitch.

He should've seen something wrong when Lester opened his mouth and laughed like a goddamn coyote. He should've seen something wrong when Lester kept a cheery spirit around a corpse floating around in a river. Who in their right mind wouldn't be freaked out by something so creepy? Clay himself vomited at the sight, way before he could even catch any of the stench from the rotting body.

Until his best friend Earl shot himself in front of Clay, he'd never even seen a dead person before. Even though he was from a town so small that everyone knew everyone else and their business, death was always something so…covert. It was a covered-up thing, something private. The family would have their little funeral, and next week the obituary would show up in the newspapers. No one ever really kept the casket open, and it was just assumed that the deceased were off to a better place.

It turned out Earl was just the first one in a morbid domino effect. Next, Clay's ex-girlfriend was shot dead…while she was fooling around with Clay. Finally, Earl's widow, who was fooling around with Clay before Earl died, was found dead in her own home.

And of course, Clay was found to be the common thread linking all of those murders. The cops tried to string together a bunch of bullshit and frame him - Clay fucking Bidwell - as some serial killer with women issues or something like that. He could still hear Agent Shelby interrogating him. "You're dating one victim, you're having an affair with another, and you find the body of the third. Kind of a coincidence, wouldn't you say?" The agents even came into his house one night and conducted some stupid raid for no reason. Right, they thought he had weapons. But hunting was a tradition in his hometown; almost every guy his age had at least one shot gun in their house, even if it was their dad's or uncle's.

So much for having faith in law enforcement to punish the guilty.

Thank goodness they finally came to their senses and went after Lester Long instead. Clay didn't remember much after watching the police cars chase after Lester. All he wanted to do at that time was leave. Leave this small town, and never look back.

So he did just that. As soon as the sirens began to quiet down, Clay jumped into his creaky pick-up truck, stepped on the gas and drove as far from town as possible. He didn't know where he was going, what direction, what road, or any of that shit. All he knew was that he was leaving the town that had nothing left for him anymore. He drove and drove for hours until the sun went down.

It was a long journey, and Clay found himself thanking his past self for leaving a few beers in the passenger seat. They were all empty by the time that twilight turned into night. Though, if Clay was being honest to himself, it probably wouldn't be enough alcohol for him to forget about spending a night in jail on false accusation, or erase all the death he'd seen.

With some of the money left in his glovebox, he pulled over at some gas station and filled up the tank. According to a sign on the road, he was about fifty miles from some city called Great Falls. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea, Clay thought to himself as he held the diesel nozzle, to try his luck in a big city. He heard stories about people having their own rags-to-riches story by leaving their small hometowns behind for busier places. And if nothing else, it'd be great to try and drive around the state just for the hell of it.

With a sigh, Clay watched as the meter reached its limit and the gasoline stopped flowing through the nozzle. The price wasn't all that bad for its mediocre quality, though it probably meant that Clay would have to sleep in his car tonight. It was hard to gauge the quality of the motels around this unfamiliar place, but he was sure that it would cost a lot more than whatever spare change Clay had left. Better to buy a drink, and get some sleep in the backseat, than to risk sleeping at some flea-infested room and wake up to a missing truck.

He parked the truck close to a neon sign - probably some saloon founded by a jaded business fellow - and walked inside. The place wasn't too crowded, with a few heads turning as soon as Clay walked in. Some of the guys were sitting around a table playing cards, and a lot of the customers seemed like they were regular patrons. Were they outlaws? Probably not. Based on the kinds of guys Clay saw in the saloon he used to go to, those guys drinking were probably just looking for an escape from their deadbeat jobs.

He almost smiled a little when he saw a pool table in the center, though it was strange to him that there was no one playing at the moment. Nevertheless, it reminded him of the good days when Earl and him would perfect their skills. By the time Clay turned nineteen, he was one of the best players in town. If he wasn't so blue right now, he'd be willing to show this new place a trick or two.

Clay looked out the window for a moment as he lit a cigarette. No cops in sight tonight? Good.

Taking a seat at the bar, he continued to people-watch until the bartender came up to him and asked for his order. Just as Clay told the bartender the kind of beer he wanted, you walked right inside and sat next to him.

While the bartender went behind to get the cold bottle, Clay looked you up and down, his lip curling upwards into a tiny boyish smirk. Maybe it was the after-effect of the alcohol from this afternoon, but you looked gorgeous to him…and almost a little mysterious, but also approachable. And you definitely looked nothing like the other customers in the saloon. Maybe you didn't come here often, or you were from another town, just like him.

"Hi."

"Oh…um, hi," Clay stammered, realizing you'd caught him staring. "Um…"

Taking control of the conversation, you introduced yourself to him and reached out to shake his hand. "How do you do?"

"I'm fine. You come here often?"

"Not like this." You shook your head and chuckled to yourself before ordering a drink for yourself. Clay sipped from his beer, listening to you tell him that you used to come here with a partner, on a Friday night after the two of you were done with work. "We had a lot of fun," you told him. "But things eventually just went south, we started fighting, and…I found them in bed with someone they'd been seeing on the side. So I packed my things and left…straight here. My stuff is literally sitting in my car right now."

"I'm sorry," you apologized casually, taking your drink. "I just met you. I don't even know your name and I'm already telling you about my break-up."

"It's fine," he replied with a crooked smile. "I'm Clay, by the way."

"So what brings you here, Clay?"

"Um…just, rough times. Needed to leave." He lied, not wanting to talk much about the things that really forced him here. "Sorry about your break-up. I know what it's like. It really sucks."

"To sucky lives and leaving shitty things behind." You toasted in a mock-celebratory tone, raising your drink and clinking it against his bottle. Clay's smile grew just a bit wider, and he even laughed a little.

The next hour felt like it passed by in the blink of an eye. Over the course of two beers (and who knows how many songs on the jukebox), Clay felt like he'd known you for years. Just by the way you talked about how you were almost done with school, and how much you hated your own little town just like he hated his…it was refreshing, to say the least. You seemed earnest, decent, and probably not tangled up in some kind of crime.

"Do you, by any chance, play?" He asked you after a bit of silence.

"Play what?"

"Um, pool." Clay pointed to the table at the center.

"No, never tried it before."

"I could…I could teach you if you like," he suggested. Now the beer was really taking his toll, making him want to show off a little for you.

"I'd love to learn."

You let him lead you towards the table, where the balls were already arranged for a new game. Clay was really friendly in teaching you the basics, on how to hold the pool stick (which was called a cue). He came up behind you, carefully guiding your hand to the right place on the stick and telling you to keep a good grip. Placing a hand over yours, Clay told you that a good shot involved getting the right angle. With another hand on your waist, he shifted you around nonchalantly so that you faced the right pockets of the table.

The alcohol was quite present in his breath while he spoke, but his voice…damn, you could listen to him talk all night. It was nice that you could get him out of his shell by agreeing to learn. And the way his hands felt on you was pretty nice. Eventually, you were able to make a few combination shots, and Clay was pleased.

"Damn, you're a fast learner."

"Thanks. You're a good teacher."

"Put enough quarters on a table like this one, I sure as hell have to be a pro." Clay bragged a little before the two of you laughed.

Suddenly, you put the stick down and walked closer to him with a smirk, not sure about what had gotten into you. "I…uh, I like the way you put your hands on me," you confessed in a whisper.

Catching your tone, he leaned against the table with a raised eyebrow "You did?"

You gave him a nod and mimicked his posture, leaning against the table as well. "I kinda like you, Clay."

"Yeah…I like you too." He goofily admitted, saying your name like it was something absolutely precious.

Making the first move, you gently pecked him on the cheek and ran your fingers through his messy, dark brown hair. A naughty glint in his green eyes, he took your gesture as encouragement…for something he'd shamelessly thought about since he led you over to the pool table. Boldly wrapping his arms around you, he crashed his lips into yours.

You moaned a little, surprised by how dizzying his kiss felt. "Take this…somewhere else?"

"Fuck, yeah."

The two of you made your way over to a slightly more private booth in the saloon, not wasting any time and continuing your make-out session. Clay didn't hesitate to pin you against the wall, bringing your leg up to get closer to you. Soon, his kisses grew sloppier and hungrier, covering your jawline and your neck. Right now, everything else seemed pretty much like a blur to him.

Kissing him back and lightly tugging at his hair, you painfully gasped his name the moment he got a bit too carried away and sucked at your collarbone. That was definitely going to leave a mark for the next morning…but it was totally worth it.

"Stop," you panted, breaking your lips away from his when you both needed air. "That was…that was...wow."

"Yeah, it really was." Clay agreed, his fingers still brushing your thigh. "You're really pretty. Like movie pretty."

"Maybe you're pretty drunk," you retorted. "A cute, pretty drunk who happens to be great at teaching pool."

"Maybe I'm drunk on you."

"What a line." Giggling, you smoothed your hair before going back to the bar, placing some change for the drink you had.

"You leaving already?" Clay followed you with a surprised and crestfallen expression.

You told him it was almost closing time, pointing out how empty the saloon had gotten since you arrived. "I'll tell you what, Clay." Taking a a pen lying around, you wrote your phone number on a napkin and handed it to him. "It's actually my friend's number, but they'll take a message. Besides, that's where I'm heading to stay until I can find my own place."

"That sounds great. I'll, uh, see you around."

"See you around. Thanks for a great night, Clay." You smiled, leaving him with one last kiss before walking out.

Clay took a long look at the napkin before folding it up and keeping it in his jeans pocket. Throwing some of his change on the bar, he left the bar and sat down in his truck. Closing his eyes, he rested his head on the wheel and hoped he'd be sober enough to drive again tomorrow.

[choruscas]

suptober day 16: switch it up!

please let me know if you’d like to be added to my tag list! (or removed if you prefer) it tags you in all my short stories like these so you never miss them!

-

During every single hunt, whether it was tulpas in Topeka, or shapeshifters in Sacramento, Dean had always tried to team up with Castiel.

Why?

Well, it was a long and complicated story. But to sum it down, Dean probably had the biggest crush on the damn angel and his feelings haven’t gone away.

Pray the gay away? Nah man. It was pray to the gay. Be bi or die.

In all honesty, Dean was very open about his bisexuality. After it sort of slipped out to Sam and his younger brother had no reaction (and it may or may not have been that his deadbeat dad was gone) and so he didn’t care who knew.

He could stand on a stage, wearing a bi flag on his back, having his dick out for any men or women who wanted a taste, and he wouldn’t give a flipping fuck.

However, he hasn’t had sex in two years. Why? Oh yeah, cause of the crush. Heads over heals crush that no man or woman could take away. He had tried to pretend the kisses and love were the angel, but none if it worked. It wasn’t what he imagined of, dreamed of.

If a djinn got his hands on him again, then who the fuck knows if Dean would stay or not. At least the djinn would give Dean what he wanted.

Often times he got angry at Castiel for not doing anything. But he couldn’t blame him.

Dean would never tell anybody this, but there was often times he cried himself to sleep because of how unfair life was in general. How unfair it was that Dean could never just get what he wanted, what he always craved.

At that moment, he was ticked. Just sitting there as Sam and Castiel rambled on about the hunt that he wasn’t paying attention to. However, that ass sitting on that chair though.

Jesus Christ.

“What about you, Dean?” Sam asked, his arms folded, leaning against the wall.

“Yeah. I mean, this rugaru seems pretty badass.”

“We’re hunting an Ōkami, Dean.” Sam pealed his attention away from Jack, who was bouncing on the bed sitting down.

“That’s what I said.”

Sam opened his mouth to say something but Dean got up from the motel’s table and slammed the chair against the edge of it.

Castiel looked up at him fearfully, as he knew Dean’s angry face. “D—“

“I need a drink. I’ll be back.” Dean snapped and left the motel, almost slamming the door.

God he was so fucking angry. Sam that day had been a little bitch boy and Jack was annoying and Castiel was oblivious to Dean’s obvious flirting and nothing was going his way.

Baby’s engine has sputtered and barely came to life, so he had to fix that before they went back to Kansas. So they were probably all stuck in deadbeat Wyoming for a few extra days.

He had stepped in a puddle and ruined his favorite pair of socks. They had good grip and were fairly new, but the muddy water from the puddle made them unwearable for the time being.

The stupid hunt wasn’t going anywhere. They were lost on just one hint on where the octopus or oak tree, or whatever the fuck it was called was.

He just needed to beat the shut out of something. Or someone. Anything.

He walked a little while away from the motel and found a junkyard that he noticed they had passed by when he was driving yesterday. There were tens or hundreds of old cars that nobody was using anymore. Perfect.

He found a bent crowbar and just as he was about to smash an old, rusted ‘69 Camarillo, a vibration and ringing sound went off in his pocket.

Fuck you, Sam.

“Hello?” Dean sighed, showing irritation in his voice more than he should’ve.

“Hey, so Cas and Jack are going downtown and I’m doing more research.”

“Wait— why did Jack and Cas go?

“I dunno. You weren’t there, so...”

“Yeah but— you know... my rule.”

The rule was a little complicated. Dean paired up with Castiel because ‘one angel and one human are better than two humans and two angels because the angel can protect the human on one team and the same for the second team.’

Which was bullshit. Dean just wanted to see his ass in tight pants and hear his whiskey and leather-like voice interrogate people.

Okay, it’s probably annoying that Dean keeps thinking about his ass. But it was a pretty nice ass. Can’t blame him.

“Alright. Well, sorry.”

“I always go with Cas.”

“I know. I guess I just thought of switching it up this hunt.”

“But you’re ugly as hell.”

“And Cas isn’t?”

Dean could hear his stupid shit-eating grin behind the fucking phone.

Instead of answering to his dumbass comment, Dean had hung up.

In all honesty, the day just wasn’t going his way.

Walking back to the motel, seeing his Baby from a distance, he quickened his pace to grab some things from the trunk.

But as he was walking, a piece of thread on his plaid jacket caught in a nail inside of a telephone pole. Not realizing it to start with, he continued walking, his hands in his pockets, squinting at the sun like he wanted to explode it.

He turned a corner and his plaid jacket had ripped with a loud sound. Beneath his right armpit, there was a giant hole revealing his undershirt.

Great.

He opened the motel door and quickly shut it as fast, then bee-lined straight to his suitcase and shrugged off his plaid shirt.

“Dean, you alright.”

“Hell no!” he barked, probably an octave higher than he normally spoke.

Sam, sitting down with his books and laptop, stood up to walk over to Dean. He didn’t treat him like some rabid animal, but normally.

“You know you can talk about it. I know about your feelings your C—“

“DON’T... finish that.”

“Dean. Please,” he continued. “It’s really hard to love somebody when you don’t think they love you back. But Cas really does. I know he does.”

“How do you know Sam!? Come on. It’s not like you’re an astrologist with some fuckin’ tarot cards or something.” Dean pathetically threw his hands up in the air, causing a loud smacking sound when he put them back down.

“Because he told me he does.”

Hold on.

What?

“You’re kidding.” Dean laughed.

“Dean, I’ve been in between this feud with you and Cas for about twelve years now. Do you really think Cas hasn’t told me? He told me post-purgatory. That’s when you don’t me too.” Sam paused, taking in a breath. “He said he’s so madly in love with you that it hurts, Dean. Hurts.”

It was like all of the sudden the world stopped. Dean’s heart rattled in his ribs and it felt as if vines were growing all around, permeating his lungs in such a way that he couldn’t breathe.

Cas loved him.

Later, Dean finally saw that ass in action.

And he loved him too. They both did.

(tags below)

@potato-painter @samhainsam

[tranquil-space-ninja]

I Could Never Be Ready (Sanders’ Sides Human AU)

Ft. Parental Anciet, Rociet, and Demus, Parental Logicality, and a smidge of Mociet

Tw: minor character death, cursing, mention of a car accident, drunk driving, blood

--------------------------------------------------

Janus woke up in bed with each of the twins curled up at his sides. He smiled at his nephews a moment before his phone dinged. He glanced at it before pulling it off the charger and walking into the kitchen.

I don't care what that bitch's will said.

I want my kids back.

Janus sighed. He thought he blocked Diana's deadbeat boyfriend's number. He quickly typed out a response, though, to let that asshole know he wasn't coming anywhere near Roman, Remus, and Virgil.

First of all, that "bitch" is my sister, who died three months ago. If you actually cared about HER sons, you would have come for them earlier.

Janus took a few deep breaths to try and steady himself. He had told himself it wasn't Oliver's fault over and over. Oliver wasn't the one who was driving drunk, Oliver wasn't the one who hit Diana's car at three in the morning, Oliver wasn't the one who took a mother away from two five-year-olds and a baby. And yet......

They're MY kids. I made them.

If you think you can take them just because Diana said you're their guardian, then you've got another thing coming.

Hands shaking, Janus deleted the messages and blocked Oliver's number. Oliver might not have killed Diana, but his drinking habit and inability to hold a job had drained her college fund. He might not have hit her car, but he disappeared in the middle of the night and left her with nothing. He might not have taken his son's mother from them, but he was the reason she was out on the road that late.

And if he thought he could take Janus's nephews just because he was their birth father--

"Uncle Janny?" Janus turned around to see Remus looking up at him, sleepy eyed and clutching an octopus plushie. "Can I have some water?"

"Of course, sweetpea," he said softly as he walked to the sink. As soon as Remus had a glass in his hand, Virgil started crying. Janus hurried to their room and had a bottle for him in minutes.

Soon everyone was fast asleep again. Janus hugged the twins closer to him, heart pounding. His apartment was too small, Oliver was back in his life, and all his friends were either at University or settling down, too far away for him to reach. Janus had never felt so alone.

***

Roman was sobbing, Remus was holding his hand, and Janus was trembling. "W-what happened," he asked, staring at the blood covering Roman's knee and dripping down his leg.

"He tripped and fell hard on the sidewalk," Remus said. Janus took a deep breath.

This was bound to happen. Just go get some towels, or bandaids, or something.

Janus forced himself to put one foot in front of the other and get the supplies necessary to treat a hurt knee. When all the blood was cleaned up, the scrape wasn't that bad. Roman's tears slowed down and Remus's grip on his hand loosened. Roman gave Janus a hug once the bandaid was on.

"Thanks, Uncle Janny."

"Of course. I love you."

"Love you, too." Janus smiled. He was still shaking, but everything was okay now. His phone chimed twice, and he glanced at it. The first message made his heart skip a beat.

I've got a lawyer now, Pine. I'm taking them back.

How did he get around the blocking? How?

"We're gonna go back out and play again, okay," Remus asked.

"No!" The twins flinched. "I-I mean..... Why don't we stay inside and watch movies?" Remus and Roman exchanged a look, then slowly nodded. Janus smiled, pushing back the tears of relief in his eyes. "Okay! I'll make pizza and garlic bread. You guys pick a movie, okay?" Roman and Remus went to the media cabinet. Janus threw some frozen pizzas and breadsticks into the oven, locked all the windows and doors, and grabbed Virgil.

The rest of the night, every bump startled him. He never fell asleep, either, for fear of Oliver breaking down the door and taking the boys from out from under his nose. His phone went off twice more during the night. He left it, terrified that it was more threatening messages. And as the clock inched closer and closer to seven, there was only one thought in Janus's head.

I'm not ready for this.

***

Janus checked his phone on his break, struggling to keep his eyes open. There was nothing more from Oliver, thank God, but there were three unanswered messages from a number Janus didn't recognize.

Hey, this is Janus Pine, right? I'm Patton Hart.

I was your nephews' doctor when they lived in my area. I'm sorry I wasn't able to come to Diana's funeral. I didn't hear she died until last night. She was a good friend, though. I've known her since Roman and Remus were babies.

I just realized how late it is. Sorry.

Janus read over the messages a few times and smiled a bit.

Hello, Dr. Hart, he typed. I'm sorry I didn't answer your messages last night. I received some upsetting news.

Patton responded almost immidiately.

That's okay! I just thought you might want to hear from one of her friends. And, please, call me Patton.

Janus smiled. Then another text from Patton came.

I.... Also wanted to make sure the boys were okay. They're living with you, right?

Janus frowned. That was a little suspicious.

Yes, my nephews live with me, and they're quite alright. Why?

Janus had to go back to work again, but he'd be talking to Patton more once he was home.

***

Patton didn’t answer until Janus had finished washing the dishes from dinner.

No reason! They were friends with my son and I wanted to let him know they were doing alright. He’s been really worried.

Janus stared at the message, sensing bullshit from miles away.

You know about Oliver.

.... Has he been giving you trouble?

He has a lawyer and is trying to take the kids from me.

That fucking asshole!

Janus gaped at the last message. From what he could tell, Patton was fairly sweet and even-tempered. Then again, he didn’t really know him. They had only met today, and only over texts.

Sorry for that. He just makes me so mad.

Join the club.

Diana was too good for him. That deadbeat never did anything but drink, watch TV, and scare the twins. They stayed over here practically every other night for two weeks, then Oliver just up and left. Diana had to work and care for the boys on her own for months.

She was hysterical when she called. She was actually going to move her family back here and live with me before her car got hit.

Yeah. You shouldn’t have to worry about Oliver too much, though. I took Diana to get his parental rights terminated about two months before she left.

Janus laughed a bit, wiping tears out of his eyes. Oliver couldn’t take his nephews away from him!

Thanks, Patton. That makes me feel a lot better.

No problem, Janus!

You know, if you wanted, you all could stay with my son and I for the weekend. Logan would love to see his friends again.

That would be great. I’ll ask Roman and Remus.

***

Janus parked his car outside a small pale blue house with a wrap around porch. Roman and Remus shot out of the car. “LOGAN!” A small boy with square shaped glasses jumped down the steps and ran. The boys all collided into a messy group hug, practically sobbing.

“I missed you guys so much,” Logan said.

“We’re never going to leave you again,” Remus said firmly.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Janus said, carrying two suitcases and wearing Virgil in a baby sling. The door of the house opened, and a tall man with messy blond hair, crooked round glasses, and freckles all over his face and arms stepped onto the porch. His face broke out into a grin as he caught sight of Janus, and he bounded down the steps. 

“Hi!” Janus smiled a bit.

“Hello, Patton.”

“Let me help you!” Patton took one of the suitcases from Janus and started up the steps. “Why don’t you three go play in the backyard?” Logan, Roman, and Remus nodded and ran around the house. Patton showed Janus Logan’s room, where Roman and Remus would sleep, and the guest room, where he had set up Virgil’s crib. Afterwards, they ended up in the kitchen. Patton held Virgil, the small child hugging the doctor tightly.

“Thank you again for this. I needed to get away.” Patton smiled.

“Of course! I’m glad to see the boys again.” And then the three small tornadoes blew into the kitchen. Logan held up a jar containing a cricket.

“Dad, look! Acheta domesticus!” Patton leaned closer to take a look.

“It’s a cricket!” Roman cheered.

“Can we eat it,” Remus asked. Logan glared at him.

“Of course not! We have to pin it to my board.” Remus grinned.

“That’s even better!” The boys blew out of the kitchen and ran up the stairs. Patton chuckled and shook his head. “I missed them,” he told Janus. “I miss Diana, too. I’m really, really sorry she’s gone.” Janus shook his head, a bitter smile on her face.

“Hey, you didn’t hit her car.” Patton nodded and looked at his feet. Janus sighed and closed his eyes. “I just wish I got to say goodbye, you know? Or that I knew what to do. I’ve got to take care of Roman and Remus now. I don’t have a clue what they need or what they want from me.” Janus fought the lump in his throat. “I don’t know what to do.” He turned his head and brushed the tears out of his eyes.

“Hey,” Patton said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I didn’t, either, when my ex and I had Logan. No one does. You just have to do what you think is right for them and hope that they don’t hate you for it in the end.” Janus laughed humorlessly.

“Thanks, that makes me feel great.” Patton laughed too.

“It’ll get easier,” he said. “I promise.” Janus rubbed his eyes.

“I wasn’t ready for any of this.”

“No one ever is.”

***

Janus woke up in the middle of the night with a dry mouth. He crept into the kitchen, peeking into Logan’s room on the way to check on the twins. He grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water. After he had his drink, he found that he couldn’t sleep. He found a magazine in a rack by the recipe tins and sat down at the table. As he flipped through one, something fell out. Janus picked up the card. It was addressed to Dr. Patton Hart, and written in Diana’s handwriting. Against his better judgement, he opened and read it.

Dearest Patton,

First of all, thank you so much for everything you’ve done for my sons and I. You’ve been a better friend to me than anyone I’ve ever known. You stuck by me through everything with Oliver, and I can’t thank you enough or ever really repay you. That’s why I’m sorry to leave this way.

I have so much to say. There’s so much you don’t know about my past, my family, my hometown. I wish I could explain everything to you, but I don’t have the time or the space for that. What you really need to know is I’m taking my family and I’m going to live with my brother. I’m going to give you his phone number. If anything happens to me, please contact him. And whatever you do, don’t let Oliver take them from him.

I’m going to miss you, Patton. Give Logan my love.

Love,

Diana

Janus’s phone number was at the bottom. He couldn’t stop staring at the way she put a line through her sevens, or the way she still drew a heart over the dots on her i’s. And suddenly, months of pent up emotion suddenly burst forward, and he began sobbing. And then Patton’s arms were around him. Janus buried his face in Patton’s chest and felt tears falling onto the top of his head. “I-I’m sorry, I couldn’t s-sleep.”

“I couldn’t either.” Patton stood up and sniffled. Janus wiped away his tears. Patton looked at his feet, then at Janus, then at the ground again. “Do you.... Maybe.... Want to sleep in my room. With me. Tonight? I just-- you look so much like her and I don’t want to be alone tonight.” Patton exhaled slowly. “I’m sorry, that’s so weird.” Janus shook his head.

“I miss her, too,” he said. “You... You really don’t mind if I stay with you?” Patton shook his head. Janus took a deep breath, stood up, and grabbed Patton’s hand. “I.... I don’t want to be alone, either.” Patton smiled gratefully, and led Janus up to his room. They slid under Patton’s Steven Universe sheets. Janus cuddled close to him and rested his head on Patton’s chest. Patton wrapped his arms around Janus, and they fell asleep together.

-----

Taglist:

@kawaiikat54

[dbhilluminate]

DBH: Illuminate- “Coffee Break: Broken Nose”

(Chapter art by Optcldrift)

Characters: Detective Gavin Reed, Cameron James, Special Agent Vivienne Lenore Word Count: 3,975

What drives a man to hate the world so much that he would close himself off to it?

Previous Chapter

• Chapter Index • Characters •

-------------

January 2nd, 2020- 7PM

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Gavin stared at the far wall at the other end of his hospital bed and fingered the class ring around his middle finger- not his, but a friend’s, once belonging to someone more important to him than the shitty people that dare called themselves his family. Yeah, that’s right, once. That is until about two days ago.

Cameron was the only person who’d ever truly understood him, and probably the only real friend he ever had. Gavin had just turned seven when they’d met in elementary school, in the fall of 2009. Cam’s dad had just been arrested for the third time that year on domestic dispute charges, and some of their asshole classmates had decided to pick at him for having a deadbeat dad while he was still very raw; but that day he just couldn’t take it anymore, and he lashed out like a cornered animal. That was the first time Reed had really seen him as more than just the wallflower everyone seemed to ignore. Because even while pinned to the ground and outnumbered, Cam fought tooth and nail, through snarling lips and furious eyes that screamed about how even though he was just eight years old at the time, he had already run out of shits to give. And that day, so had Gavin. He’d pulled one of the boys off him and thrown him to the ground, kicked him in the stomach, then dropped to his knees and punched him until his teeth chipped and his lip bled and he cried for teacher’s help because the kid was too chickenshit to finish what he’d started. And it felt good, because that day he’d found his twisted soul mate- one that was every bit the raging bull ready to gore the first jackass to wave a red fucking cape in his face, and one he would have taken on the whole goddamn world with if meant he had a friend to ride or die for by his side. Truth was, deep down, Cam was just as broken, and angry, and fucked up as himself; but, and he came to learn, he was also hopeful, gentle, and courageous, everything he never thought himself to be. And that was why he’d liked him so much.

Cam had been given nothing in his entire life, until he meet Gavin Reed- and as far as he was concerned, from the moment he’d squinted over at him with that toothless, ear-to-ear grin while they sat outside the principal’s office that day awaiting their punishment, he was his white fucking knight. When he realized he rarely ate, Gavin gave him his lunch because he could tough out a little hunger, because he knew he could at least eat later. When he needed money, Reed would hand him his allowance without even asking what it was for. And when the bullies came knocking, he stood by him back to back, better or worse, no matter the cost. Cam didn’t feel he deserved a friend like Reed, but neither did Reed think he deserved a friend like Cam- because no one had ever before loved either of them like a brother, and because no one had ever told them they were worthy of being loved as such.

See, Cam came from a broken home- he was an only child, but his mother was an alcoholic, and his father an abusive asshole who’d been in and out of prison since he was five years old. Cam had gotten his first split lip for mouthing off to him when he was nine, got his first job when he was thirteen just to put food on the table so he wouldn’t starve. He’d wound up in juvenile hall for stealing a car when he was seventeen, because he needed it to get to and from work but couldn’t afford to get his dead one fixed. Even still, in spite of all that he’d spit the blood out of his mouth, look hardship in the eye, give it a big old shit eating grin and say “fuck you, not today.” Cam was a survivor, scrappy and resourceful- never did enough to get into real trouble, but always just enough to keep his head above water.

Reed on the other hand had been born into a family of prodigies, raised by a nanny in the shadows of Fortune 500 parents and siblings whose coattails had always been just too far out of reach. They’d found their true callings before they’d even hit puberty (one now a nationally sought-after defense attorney, the other a Cyberlife engineer), while he was left behind, isolated and aimless: a gifted jock with a bad attitude that couldn’t play nice, that no coach in their right mind would have wanted on their team if not for his talent. Because of it, his relationship with his parents had always been strained, and they’d eventually grown so sick of it they’d threatened to cut him off from their money if he didn’t make something of himself. But Gavin didn’t care, because he wasn’t like them. He didn’t measure success as digits in a bank account or his picture on the cover of TIME magazine- his idea of success was pulling himself up out of the mud after being knocked down time and time again. It was bloody knuckles and black eyes and being able to throw up a strong middle finger in the face of those who claimed he wouldn’t amount to anything. Because his idea of success had been molded in the image of the one person who had always accepted him as he was and stood by his side... Until now. And he had no one to blame but himself.

They’d had a plan to grab everything they could throw into the back of his Chevy Nova and get the hell out of Detroit while the rest of the world celebrated the new year, before their families could even notice they were gone. It was supposed to be their fresh start, their chance at a better life, to escape the abuse and the toxic expectations that they were supposed to be anyone other than who they were: black sheep, troubled kids, the ones “with issues running so deep” adults had labeled them hopeless. The coroner’s report said he’d died on impact, but unfortunately for him Gavin knew that wasn’t true. What had really happened would haunt him for the rest of his life, and he’d take it to his grave to protect Cam’s mother from the truth. It had only taken seconds for their lives to change, but when he realized what was about to happen, Cam had closed his eyes and gripped his hand strong as a vice, and braced for impact. The sedan hit them nearly head-on on the passenger side at eighty-seven miles per hour and pushed the car two hundred feet before they were struck from behind by a truck, which hit them so hard it rolled them twice before the Nova settled onto its side in the middle of the road. When Gavin opened his eyes, he was pinned between the seat and the steel frame of the car, forced to watch as the light faded from Cam’s green eyes as he bled out. In his final moments, as the blood gurgled from between his lips and streamed down his forehead, Cam had cracked a concerned smile and forced out one last sentiment before he passed.

You can still be happy.

Anger bubbled up inside of him, and eighteen-year-old Reed balled his still-good hand into a quivering, white-knuckled fist, twisted his face into a despondent grimace, and choked on his grief. Why would he have said that? How could he have possibly thought that, of all things, that would be what he needed to hear? Not “I forgive you”, not “This isn’t your fault”. He had to have known he was going to blame himself, he had to have known he was going to need his forgiveness. So why that? This absolute load of bullshit… He couldn’t imagine a future where he could be, because no matter where he went, no matter what he did, Cam had always been a part of it. So how the hell was he supposed to move on and be happy without him?

Gavin grimaced as he moved the casted arm off his lap and laid it on the bed beside him. The surgeon who had pieced it back together said it had been crushed by the weight of the vehicle when it had rolled, one of the worst comminuted fractures he’d ever seen: twelve pins and a two plates. He’d be in therapy for the next six months, but “at least he’d gotten away with his life”. Apparently he was “lucky”, at least that was the word they kept throwing around. That’s what they’d said about the gash in his broken nose when they’d pried his head from between a folded-over support beam that had nearly crushed his skull like an overripe watermelon. First responders said he should have been dead, and in all honesty? He wished he was, because at least then he wouldn’t have to live with the guilt of knowing Cam’s death was on his hands because he couldn’t get out of the way fast enough, or his mother crying at his bedside, hysterical, reminding him of how much he’d meant to her son. If he hadn’t lived through the crash, he wouldn’t have had to grin and bear his parents blaming the accident on their attempted runaway, and not the jackass driving on the wrong side of the road. If he were dead he wouldn’t have to continue living without the only person he’d ever been bothered to give a shit about.

Gavin glanced out the window into the night but scowled when he instead saw his sorry reflection staring back at him- his head bandaged, left eye wrapped up beneath an eyepatch, the stitches on his nose still stained with iodine under a wad of gauze. With a scar like that, it was going to be impossible to put this behind him and move on, because he’d be reminded of it every time he looked in the goddamn mirror. He roared out an angry scream into the empty room and flung the dinner tray at the wall with all his residual strength, and wept quietly as the medical staff went about their business outside the glass doors of his room in the intensive care unit. Again he was alone in the world, and he wasn’t at all ready for it.

Following the accident, his parents forced him to get a job and start paying his expenses, in addition to applying to a University and “planning for his future”- a fucking slap in the face if he’d ever been. But because he was out of options he’d done everything they asked so he wouldn’t have to hear their bitching, and kept his cards close to his chest. Gavin took the money they’d given him and paid his tuition in full, separating his self-earned assets until he was fully self-sufficient, and bode his time until he could break out from under their ironclad grip of control. It took longer than he’d wanted, but eight years later, after he’d graduated with his Master’s Degree in Criminal Justice, Gavin severed the ties that had been hanging by a thread for so long. The ensuing blowout was explosive and violent, but he was prepared. For the first time that he remembered his father struck him, but he’d just spit out the blood and laughed in his face- because if he was trying to motivate him to stay, all he had done was drive him further in the opposite direction, as he had done all his life; and if he was trying to scare him, well, Gavin had been through so much worse. He’d threatened to take back everything they’d given him, but Gavin just reminded him the money was already spent. When he threatened to take away his car and stop paying his rent, Reed informed them that his neither of their name were on the pink slip for his car or the lease on his apartment, because he’d already been paying all his expenses for four years. And when he’d finally run out of leverage, Gavin had flipped him a strong middle finger, left them with three strong parting words he’d been waiting all his life to say, and never looked back.

Three weeks later he’d already breezed through a rigorous first week in DCPD’s Police Academy, and shot up to the top of his class without breaking a sweat. During his college years he’d learned just enough about communication to get by in the academy, but friends were another story. There had been a few, but they hadn’t stuck around long once they realized just how much baggage he was dragging. Being stuck in the academy with a bunch of straight-and-narrow Johnny-law types only served to reinforce his desire to remain in complete isolation, with no friends or lovers. Gavin had tried putting himself out there now and again, only to have it backfire in his face after a few weeks (or in some cases, a few days), which had caught him a lot of flack from the hyper-masculine would-be cops in training alongside him, but he just shrugged it off. “What’s the matter, Reed? You gay?” was one they threw around a lot thinking it would get a rise out of him, but were disappointed when they were instead met with apathy and eyes rolled all the way back as far as they could go. Maybe a little, but that wasn’t the reason he’d broken off every relationship he’d had before it had time to mature. Truth was, every time someone found out his family name they were real quick to turn up the charm, and nothing pissed him off quicker than some fake fuck who just wanted to use his father’s name to boost their social status. The Reed name meant jack shit to the family reject, he wasn’t special and he knew it. That’s why he’d done all this -not for the approval of distant, dissatisfied parents, not for the fame, not for the fortune- for himself and for the promise he’d made to uphold Cam’s wish for him, even if he hadn’t understood it at the time. Gavin had followed his own self-made path, just like they’d planned, and he’d done it by keeping fame-chasing, two-dimensional, “background characters” out of his life. But he hadn’t just chased them off because they were shallow as shit (because hell, even the ones that hadn’t cared about where he came from eventually came to grate on his nerves like sandpaper on glass), it was because they couldn’t see the world from his point of view, because none of them had truly understood him- not like Cam. No one ever had. Well, except for Cam.

For the first few months of his career Reed walked to and from work, just daring the city to take a swing, to throw him something - a robbery, a break in, a drunk dude trying to take advantage of a woman outside a bar - anything to scratch the itch of a good fight; but, like many things in life, it didn’t quite turn out how he’d hoped. Gavin never really had been one for religion or sentimentalism, but that night after nearly twenty-seven years of his miserable existence, he found himself believing that wayward souls could return to take care of unfinished business. Any other day Reed wouldn’t have given a second glance to a stray dog snarling at him as he passed, but it wasn’t snarling at him. It had something cornered. It took him all of five seconds to realize that something was a six-month-old kitten -hissing and clawing, furious and frantic- and as he trembled in recognition, instinct set in. A short sprint and one hard swing kicked hard across the dog’s rib cage sent it yelping and whimpering down the alley as he scooped up the animal and cradled it in his arms. To his surprise, tortoiseshell kitten didn’t struggle to escape his embrace, just squinted up at him and slumped into the crook of his arm with a tired sigh as if to say “Finally, I’ve found you”. And for just one night, as he stared into the grateful green eyes of the soul he already knew so well, Gavin believed in life beyond death. Cam had come back to him. He wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve such a gift, but he didn’t care, because with Cam back in the picture, everything became more tolerable. Coming home to his best friend at the end of a long day and being met with excited meows and a running leap up into his arms made all the bullshit worth it. As the years passed he thought about the accident less and less. With the help of an impressive rate of closure on his cases, Reed continued to climb the ranks at his job and traded the title of Officer for Detective with the minimum experience necessary for the position. It had taken him eighteen years to make good on Cam’s wish for him, and while life wasn’t perfect, he was at least on his way to being happy, and that was all that mattered. For a while.

November 13th, 2038- 10:30AM

Morning came hard after a restless night on the couch, and he ripped open his eyes with a sharp breath to the sound of purring and a prickly weight on his chest. The ginger and brown tortoiseshell cat stretched and contracted his toes as he kneaded at the detective’s neck and drooled into his shirt. Gavin let out a tired sigh and laid his arm over his eyes and clammy forehead to rest his mind for a minute, then reached to scratch the cat’s neck behind its ears. The old boy hunkered down with a happy, fluttery chirp, and he closed his eyes and listened to the soothing vibration. It had been a while since he’d dreamt of the crash- maybe a few months, maybe half a year, he wasn’t entirely sure. The way the days had blurred one into the next over the last five years since he’d become a detective, didn’t lend much help to his awareness of the passage of time. It had been eighteen years now since Cam’s death, and even though it had gotten easier to live without him, it still stung like hell every time he thought about it.

Reed traced his fingertips over the scar across his nose for a moment of deep thought, but cleared it from his mind as he rubbed the hurt from his raccoon-eyes with the heel of the hand on his still-good arm and stretched his legs out long. Cam shifted with a quiet meow and crawled up higher onto his shoulder to nuzzle under his jawline. Gavin let out a painful chuckle as the ten-pound cat crawled over the sling and sputtered a gentle “fuck” under his breath as the pain resurfaced and shot through his shoulder like tearing muscle. He was lucky the reconstructed AR’s the deviants were using only fired nine millimeter rounds and not the standard five-five-six. Smaller bullets meant his shoulder wasn’t nearly as torn up as it could have been, but even with the treatment he’d received to speed up the healing process (stem cells, 3-d printed right in to fill the wound), the pain was still pretty bad. Throbbing when it wasn’t stabbing, aching when it wasn’t burning- until the stem cells fused with the muscle, it was going to be an annoying recovery process.

The morning silence didn’t last long- almost as if he had woken up just to take the call, Viv’s name lit up the screen and triggered the ring.

Get up, get up, get a move on. Get up, get up, what’s takin’ so looooo~ng? Get up, get up, get a move on. Stop stallin’, I’m callin’-

Gavin groaned as he reached for the screaming cell phone in his pocket and lifted it to his ear with a, “Wha’dya want, Viv?” Couldn’t even have ten minutes to himself before getting back to the bullshit. “Oh, good, you’re awake,” she replied with a relieved breath. “How are you feeling today?” Before he answered, he tried lifting his right arm up to the shoulder, but yipped and groaned in her ear before shaking his head with an angry scrunch of his lips. “Not great,” his voice cracked in annoyed reply, at which she sighed and paused before asking. “You sober, at least?” “I’ve been sleepin’ since Connor dropped me off last night,” he assured as he tried to nudge the cat away from brushing its face with the stubble on his chin. “Well, we still have work to do, are you gonna make it today?” she asked as he sat up and pushed the cat off his stomach, ignoring the low growl from the old boy, then fumbled with the lid of the rattling bottle of pills with a shaking hand. “I’ll be fine,” he fibbed, dumping out a pill into the lid as it finally popped off. “I can still shoot straight with my left hand.” He could hear Vivienne chuckling and imagined her shaking her head at his stubbornness. “Well, get up and get dressed. I’ll be over in half an hour to pick you up,” she informed. “Don’ bother, I’ve got a bike,” he mumbled as he balanced the pill on his tongue and reached for the glass of water on the coffee table. “Do you have a death wish, or are you really just as stupid as you look!?” In spite of how indelicately she’d phrased it, the shrill panic still carried in her tone, and he grinned to himself, appreciative of her concern. No one had ever really given him shit for taking unnecessary risks, because nobody would have missed him if he was gone. “No, you stay put. You get on that death trap with your arm in a sling and I swear to God, Reed, I will arrest you.” “Alright, ma. I’ll sit tight,” he quipped back and ended the call with a “See ya,” before she could protest with her angry huffs. The phone dropped onto the sofa beside him and he dragged his hand down his face as he took in a slow, deep breath, then peered between his fingers over at the cat, who was sitting next to him with a judgmental squint.

“Don’t look at me like that Cam, she ain’t so bad,” he explained as if the cat could actually understand what he was saying. When the animal rose and climbed back into his lap, Gavin’s hand reached instinctively to scratch at the back of his neck with a small sigh. She really wasn’t, in fact he’d really grown to like Viv more than he thought he would. Even though their partnership had started off rough, she’d still cared more for his well-being than even his own mother ever had. It was strange to have that kind of support for once, but he’d already noticed how much he’d benefited from her presence in his life. Maybe it was possible to find the family he’d always wished he had... maybe even find love. Reed sputtered our a laugh at the absurdity of the notion in self-defense, but deep down in the scarcely touched recesses of his dark heart he hoped. It wasn’t like he wanted to be a miserable asshole, it was just what the world had forced him to become.

[blackrosesfanfic]

Chapter 176

Trey

"Trey on some Godly shit. Trey your wife know you here?" Braxton says laughing.

"My wife know where I'm at? What the fuck kinda question is that? Does she not supposed to fucking know? Tell me."

He laughs really hard. "You don't know?"

"What bitch?"

"You act different. Aye, when the last time we did anything with this nigga?"

Justin shrugs. "Don't know what you do. I don't know."

He should have just not said shit cause that even made me mad. Trying to fucking say that I have changed. Motherfucker fuck you. People always want to come for you when you least expect it. I start to say something but Kevin comes up.

"Yo, Trey. So at the party tomorrow..."

"Trey don't party."

"You acting like a fucking bitch. Want me to spend every fucking moment of my free time with you my nigga. Fuck that shit. You don't know what the fuck I have been doing with my fucking life in the last 5 months." I spaz.

Kevin guides me away while Justin blocks my view of the bitch who is talking shit. Scting like I supposed to fucking answer to his ass. I snatch away from Kevin and walk faster towards the exit. Fucking with my fucking workout. Should have kept my ass at home to workout like I fucking started.

"Ah, Trey. Don't pay that shit no mind." Kevin says. "Who wouldn't spend their honeymoon phase together?"

"Ain't no fucking honeymoon phase. Nigga, this my life. It ain't fading away."

He nods. "Aight, chill."

"Naw, fuck you too. What you saying is the change only temporary. I wonder why you keep bullshitting. Everybody fucking bullshitting. I'm taking my changed ass home."

I might have taken that to another level but hearing shit like that pisses me off. You telling me that like I lost something by picking my family. Even more it is all temporary. The fucking honeymoon phase of a marriage. Fuck that shit. It bpthers me the whole way home. Niggas think I'm selling out. Why the fuck would a man miss me partying and drinking? My presence can be replaced by another drunk motherfucker.

"You think I changed?" I ask walking into the room.

Chris, Cammie, and MiMi all just stare at me.

"Anyone answer."I reply.

"Oh that's a real question?" Chris asks. He looks at his phone. "Sounds like some shit I would ask."

Cammie laughs. "Tremaine, come here. How have you changed?"

"I'm not asking you."

"Oh no." she says with an attitude. "Anyone answer though."

I go lay down next to her on the couch. "You wouldn't know if I changed."

"But you did change. Is it a bad thing to grow? How did you change?"

"I don't know. Don't worry about it."

"So Ma is bringing the baby. Shit I don't know what to do. Should I go buy her something?" Chris says standing. "Cammie?"

Cammie rubs on my chest staring at Chris. At least he received the same look that I did. The sit down and shut up look. MiMi stands Minnie up in her lap.

"Christopher." Cammie finally says.

"No, don't say nothing negative."

She kisses my ear. "Who said something to my man?"

"Me?" I ask looking at her.

"Yes." She kisses my cheek.

I shrug. "Nobody important."

"Important enough to make you feel some type of way. Whoever it was got under your skin a little bit if not a lot. You still thinking about it."

"People have been saying it for a few months."

"Exactly what do they want you to do? You were taking care of your son, on tour, getting ready for a tour, getting married, putting out an album, doing your celebrity duties. Fuck who feels let out in the middle of all that. I be damned if it's me or your kids. Fuck them. They don't know or care what you have been through in the last few months. Hell it shows how irrelevant they are. Clearly they were right there dealing with it." Cammie rants.

Chris nods his head. "Right. Fuck them. I'll figure out what she likes then take her shopping."

Cammie hugs me more. "This guy."

"Chris, what's the deal with the baby?" I ask him sitting up a bit.

"Tremaine, go get the baby then... Never mind. April has him." Cammie says looking at the monitor.

I glance at April picking Caden up then look at Chris. "What's the deal?"

"Well, it's all over everywhere. She is mine."

"Oh, when did this happen?"

He takes Minnie from MiMi. "A few hours ago. While you were gone."

I nod my head. "And the world is reacting how?"

"My manager caused my show. The world... Fuck them. I've met her before today you know."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." he sits down. "When she was this little. I met her and gave her mama some money. Like there was a chance she was mine then but she wasn't trying to get a DNA test and mess up her marriage."

Cammie sits up. "Messy Prince of Vargina Diseases. I know you didn't fuck a married woman!"

"Mmh." MiMi says. "Truly messy."

"Okaaay." Cammie says tilting her head.

I chuckle. "Anyway, the baby's name?"

"Royal."

"Oh I can't wait." Cammie says excited. "I hope she is cute and sweet. Not like her messy father."

I sit up to look at Chris. His smile went all the way passed his ears. Nigga just straight happy. I look around the room. Where is Sevyn during all of this? She usually isn't one for the drama. She might have left on purpose. Shit, Cammie would fucking flip she found out I had a child out there. I would fucking flip. But then again this happened years ago. Nigga going around making babies.

"So you said that the mama was raising the kid with another father?"

"Well." Chris says.

I sit up looking at him. But Cammie is the one that puts it together first and starts talking.

"So you fucking knew about this shit? And you kept it from everyone? For years Christopher Maurice? I can't fucking believe you. Acting like it was some sudden information that you learned. Your ass can't  be clear about something like this. Oh whatever. I don't even know why I'm tripping."

"I know." MiMi says.

Cammie folds her arms. "Say so if you know so."

"Cause it hits home." MiMi shrugs.

"Oh." Cammie says. "Yeah, okay. Sorry."

Chris didn't care. He was still excited. Maybe just excited for it to finally be out and to know for sure that she is his. His baby girl, Royal. Everybody is getting little girls. I wanted a little girl. Maybe next go around. If that happens. I don't know if I want to go through this again. Mama has 2 kids. So I might be set with 2. 2 boys.

"This one time I'm not wishing for another child." I say out loud.

"Good." Cammie.

"Fucking terrific decision." MiMi says.

Everyone gets quiet.

  Sevyn

"Baby girl. Baby girl, what about this shirt?" My dad asks.

"Daddy, that's the same shirt that I said no to a frw minutes ago."

He get frustrated putting it back on the rack. "Let go pick out gelato. That's less complicated. I know there is only a few favors and they can be decided upon easily."

I giggle. "Okay, father. I been said let's move on."

"What are you texting so much about?" he asks.

"Drama." I shrug.

He puts up his fists. "Who do I have to fight?"

I laugh pushing his arms down. "Oh please. It's not even actually my drama. Just some of Chris' bullshit."

"Hmm." he says folding his arm. "Don't tell me."

"Okay."

He stops walking then looks at me. "Okay, tell me. You insist. I didnt pry."

I roll my eyes at him. "Oh dad, please."

"All I have to do is go to social media."

"To hear the wrong verison of everything. So online they have this rumor spreading of Chris and the girl in some heated disagreement. Not true. They have all this stuff about child support and deadbeat daddy bullshit. And last but not least Kae. The scarred ex girlfriend who was done so wrong. Moping and moaning all over everywhere that will pay her some attention. Meanwhile hitting Chris up like everything all good. Sending me every message almost."

My dad sighs. "All of these gelato favors."

I lean on him. "Old man, please."

"So how much of it is proven lies. I still think that him and his image is bad for you and yours."

"Him and his image is what even got me a solid image. I used to be a ghostwriter. So transparent."

He standing up straight. "Caramel. Yeap Caramel."

"You so blowing me."

"Okay, so are you doing this because of that? You know I don't do drama."

"Eat your gelato."

"Let's video call your mama and have her give you advise. My advise is run. Fast."

I laugh. "My main source is never Chris. I have trust issues. Ain't no way I'm being overly blind. Plus I was Chris' friend during all of this. He forgets how much he confided in me then. I can almost predict his every move. I know all his ways of hiding secrets and important information. I know Chris."

"Yeah. Just be careful. HIV is real."

"HIV, Tim!" I say pushing him. "You be going all the North. Come back."

He tries to feed me his gelato. "Why didn't you get gelato?"

"Cause we just ate." I say moving away from his spoon.

"You would let me feed you when..."

"When I was like 2."

He chuckles. "So Chris has a child? He didn't know nothing about this child?"

"Oh he knew. I told you that he told me about her. She was a possibility. He has been helping when asked. But he rarely saw her. Maybe 5 times that I know. She visited a few of his shows here and there. Normal passing by the high life stuff. Little 5 minute visits. In a room of strangers she would be comfortable with him."

"Let's talk about something... Wait. How do you feel about this baby?"

"Me?" I shrug. "I'm confused about this whole me and Chris Brown relationship. Like do I want it? You know? Will I ever be like a Trey and Cammie? Hell will they stay Trey and Cammie? More like a you and mama. Normal people."

He munchies on his ice cream for a few seconds. "That's all up to the individual. Is Chris Brown a settle down one woman man? Are you a freely giving trusting settle down girl? Is Cammie and Trey real?"

I roll my eyes. "I like how you throw that in there. Trey and Cammie are real. They have been doing good. I must admit. I do wonder if maybe I'm looking for a way out."

"Mmhh. So on to more important less dramatic topics of decision. This gelato is amazing."

"It's my bae calling."

"Chris."

I answer the phone using my watch. "Bae!"

She giggles. "I hope I interrupted so real bonding time."

"We were having a deep conversation about his amazing gelato. Acting like he never had any."

"Leave my daddy alone. Let him enjoy his gelato."

He gets entirely too close to my arm. "Hello, Cammie, darling."

"Hey, Daddy."

"How are you?" he smiles. "And the boys?"

"Great. Caden is getting so fat. Are you by chance coming to my party? Well, Caden's party."

He makes a face at me. I nod my head telling him to tell her yes. I kinda forgot to tell him that he was invited and mama was going. He raises his eyebrows.

"Yes I will be there."

"You don't sound sure. Lane, what are you doing? Did you hear me? What are you doing?"

He suddenly comes clear. "Washing the car, Mommy."

"Clean this water up. Don't play in that. Go ahead. You wash your car in the tub. Go. Girl this boy is... I swear my baby don't know why he so bad. He was cleaning his car in the flower pot. Somebody watered the flowers and he decides that he wants to play in it."

"Is he cleaning it up?"

She sucks her teeth. "April, what are you doing? Say what? Y'all she came to clean up the mess so that Lane wouldn't get a spankin. He too scared. How is Florida? Can I come?"

"Yeah, Boo. Get on a plane. You and my boyfriend."

"Oh gosh my baby is going to learn from his big brother how to get under my skin."

I smile. "Lane is cute through it all."

"He is. I'm about to mess with him. Listen. Lane, why didn't you clean up your mess?"

"Nanma, nanma clean it. Mommy." he says then starts whining. "Mama."

"I just came... Ma'am? No. I just. Okay. I got kicked out of the kitchen by Mama Rose. She told me to leave Lane alone. April cleaned up his mess. So how did you say your vaca going?"

I smile. "Good."

"When she isn't texting."

"Tim. Shhh." I say stepping away. "You know bitches bothering me left and right. Now everybody want to ask if me and Chris together and how I feel about this baby. Why do I care about a baby that's about the same age as Lane. That's ancient drama."

"Lane?" Cammie says. She gasps. "Girl shut up. You made him pop up. Hey, Lane. How can I help you?"

"Hey, Mommy."

I chuckle. "He has nothing to say but hey. Drama."

"So that bitch keep sending you snaps? Girl turn your phone off and pay attention to Papa Sevyn."

I smile at him. "Papa Sevyn?"

He is looking at shells that are for sell. "How much is this one?"

"He shopping for shells."

"Take the man to the beach and let him find his own shells. So the little girl will be here later today. I hate this is part of our life now. I mean a child and baby mama drama. But anyway. We moving passed that. How come you didn't tell Daddy about the reveal party?"

She giggle. "See I did. He just old."

"Yeah okay. So Trey comes home all like do you think I've changed. I'm like motherfucker you better see how the guck you changed. You don't stay that wild bachelor that you were before getting married and having two kids. Not one but two. You willingly came back to start a family. Oh bitch you stuck. You a fucking family man. Bye sexy Mr. Steal Your Girl. Dead."

I laugh really hard. "Hello."

"No Good bye."

"You so crazy. You didn't tell him that though."

"No." she says full of attitude. "I reminded him of everything we been through. How we almost lost a relationship, money, and a baby in the time he focusing on. Chris bitching and moaning in the middle of it all. Like shut up with last year news. Chris drama always in my marriage though."

I nod then walk into my dad. "Yeah I feel you. He is."

"MiMi ass having cramps and just being crabby."

"Lord."

"Exactly. Hey, Lane. Back again?"

He was whispering so I couldn't hear what he was talking about. He is so cute. I love Cammie because she keeps it real. It's not all sunshine and clear skies but they keep it together. I like that about them. I'm just going to play it safe and wait for Chris to get on that calm level. The level where he is when it comes to business. His personal life still uneven. I'll stick around even though I normally would leave it alone.

[myastronomical]

hey just super quick, but fuck disrespectful ass bitches ! the fact that someone will put disrespect on you so fast after everything youve done for them leaves me so irritated like how can you do that to someone who has done nothing but support you and go out of their way for you and you cant do one simple thing. i told my best friend like my 110% ride or die bitch like we can litterly talk across the room for hours just with looks not to fuck my sucessful adult friends and what did she do!! she fucked them!! and not only did she fuck them she had sex with him in MY boyfriends room on his bed!! like i have to sleep there too. i litterly asked her to respect that these were my friends i was introducing her to amf i didnt want her causing drama WHEN SHE ALREADY HAS A WHOLE MAN AND SEVERAL HOES like she always does. we always get good in a friend group and thrn she leaches off them and says really edgy and mean shit just to push her limits and then go past them to set new ones. like these people are genuenly nice people that i met and theyre on my level like they are young adults who dont live with their parents still, have jobs, go to school, and actually have their priorities straight unlike all the deadbeats who are just running around on warrents i used to hangout with and my best friend hangs out with and now shes going to start drama and then i wont be able to be friends with these people anymore. im so mad bc i litterly begged her not to fuck my friends and i told her these are my friends do not leach off them and pull your normal munipulative bullshit on them because they are nice people and litterly noy even an hour after i left and drove her home she found a ride back there and was all over everyone and didnt even tell me. and then before i knew that i told her again like please respect our friendship and she said okay and where is she right now? out fucking my friends. im genuenly so mad over the level of disrespect she just put on our friendship after everything ive gone through with her and i litterly risk everything for her and she went and pulled this. and i finally met a sweet boy who likes me (even though im perfectly happy on my own as well this just became a happy new development in my life) shes trying to fuck on him like she knows i havent felt the same about anyone sence my ex and im genuenly happy with my life and she just needs to stir shit up.