#but there's a whole seething undercurrent that is. the ugly and hard-to-look-at kind of awful | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

crimeronan · 2 years

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there's been a lot of discussion of the horror genre and story craft on my dash lately & while i've seen plenty of things i've disagreed with or had quibbles about, it HAS made me realize that part of my struggle with plotting/drafting the og fiction project has been about.... just.... sanitizing the narrative. the internal messaging of "you can't write this because no one will want it and it's bad" is so fucking strong even when i've spent FOREVER unpacking and talking about how self-policing kills creativity. whoops

like. it's a story about the ugliness of chronic illness and the brutality of exploitation and the callousness of ingrained social norms. of course it's going to be fucking ugly and brutal and callous. why am i trying to pretend that it's anything else.

#my writing is at its most honest when it's ugly. shoutout to phantom pains and unbecoming jordan hennessy and a thousand other things #that no one will ever read.#horror and ugliness aren't REACHES for me. that's what comes most naturally #there is So Much about this project that i have not talked super explicitly about here BECAUSE of how ugly and shitty and bad it is #like i talk about the shitheads and headassery. and the fun awfulness. because there is a lot of it!#so much headassery so much stubbornness so much asshole behavior so much nonsense #and i talk about how much (some of) the characters like each other. because they do!#because their bonds and relationships and choices carry the whole thing #but there's a whole seething undercurrent that is. the ugly and hard-to-look-at kind of awful #easiest to write easiest to refine hardest to sell. there's no marketing for it #this is also on the brain because prednisone has given me back the ability to write along with Very Large depression symptoms #god i wish i could update the fics people like and are waiting for where everyone's okay #but yknow. i'll put my energy where it wants to go #original fiction #autoimmune tag #horror

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