#but then I'm also technically reliving that stuff?? so my feelings get kinda mixed and jumbled (I still think it's good tho)

[toffeecoffeee]

holy shit

I have NEVER had a character resonate with me this strongly before

everything about this character echos my own personal life experiences and I don't know how I should feel about it

[wetalkedaboutthisshinji]

Ramblings about Chris Elman and wtf his identity even is

I'm talking all endgame spoilers for Ward so PLEASE dont read if you haven´t finished it.

(SPOILERS FOR WARD)

Eventually I'll make an actual essay about Ward because there a lot of stuff. Ward is, IMO, not bad but is such a confusing absolute chaos of good and interesting ideas that kinda get lost in the haze of insanity. Like I do think Ward is good but it's the least good of all of Wildbow's stuff that I've read and I sincerely feel if he actually editted it it would be as good or better than Worm but he wont so whatev. I guess I'll just scream to the void.

Also, OOOOOOFFF because Chris is actually a very complex character! And this complexities IMO are NOT well examined in the story proper! My hot take is simply that Wildbow just kinda....didn't fully explain or problematize or, like, made a plot of this, despite it clearly being both set up for it as well as quite honestly necessary to understand one of the main characters.

What is even Chris's mental age?

In a way Chris is a clone with all the memories of a man somewhere between 20-40 years old. He was made specifically to relive the traumatic events of his creator's life so that he would trigger in the exact same way and have the same powers, an utterly insane idea that hadnt even been shown to be possible. He retains traumas and anger from this life, despite it not being technically his own, and in his own internal narrative often sees himself as Lab Rat, the minor villain that turns out was actually one of the most powerful villains in this universe. Several people treat Chris not as his own person but as Lab Rat cheating death, coming back.

Note 1: the reveal that Lab Rat is Chris's creators is THE WORST twist Wildbow ever did. It comes out of NOWHERE, it's about a character that had NO relevance since Worm ending and no presence in Ward proper and, while not IMPOSSIBLE in this universe it takes so many unlikely stuff and leaps of logic that it just...wow. They really do it like they expect the audience to flip their shit but I had to wiki walk a lot to even get what was going on. And when I did my answer was not "Holy shit! This is crazy" but a very confused "Is that how triggers even work?"

I believe the issue was that commentors on the webpage where so filled with complex headcanons that when Wildbow decided to follow on one of them everybody that was there week by week was so busy losing their minds to even contemplate the fact that it was all kinda from left field.

Note 2: My personal headcanon is that Chris and Lab Rat have actually slightly different abilities as Chris seems more focused on serums that temporarily grant powers instead of just making monsters but that might be just how they are different in their usage of their powers --another point for "Chris is not Lab Rat" bag imo. Also he's clearly a Trump? Like, he can clearly mix powers? Isn't that OP? Why doesn't anyone react to this random suddenly becoming Eidolon Lite?

Going back to the main topic, the other thing about Chris is that in another wqay he began existing sometime around Gold Morning so he's also 2 years? He is the thingy that Taylor Hebbert helped Lab Rat toss over the ocean. The monster maker's last creation, made out of a dare, to show how great this own power really was, made to do "something big". Created out of hubris, whim and irresponsability.

Chris began existing as a literal monster without a human body, possible non-sentient, driven by "directives" that he biologically has to follow. So in a way he is kinda close to Nilbog's creations, as a byproduct of parahumans irresponsably going all Frankenstein. The way he constantly associates himself with monsters and non-humans is...kinda a point from him? And this clearly informed his actions on the Titanomaquia but it was A Bit Rushed (take a drink when you say this regarding a secondary character on Ward ending).

And like, he is also clearly dominated by the "Directives" his creator left and those drive him but he kinda rationalizes them as things that he truly wants and becomes emotionally invested in them but at the same time you could argue he IS a victim of his own creation....but nobody finds out he even has directives he HAS to follow. Not to mention the insanity of sometimes seeing yourself as a person but at the same time having orders of that same person installed since birth in your head in a way that you cannot fight.

And, like, he himself seems to be incapable of making up his mind whether or not he is his creator? Like he sometimes seems to truly believe himself to be this older man, despite the fact that he's physically another body and also began existing as a completely different being and demostrably has different attitudes and has to follow the order of the original Lab Rat. But he still has his memories, his hatred for people, his grudge against his sister. So he does have more maturity than a 12-year old. But he IS immature because he's also 2 years old. Victoria essentially forgives everything he pulls because she essentially internalizes him as even more of a child than Kenzie and, well, not wrong? His actions really do scream of a child going "You can hit me :P" at times with Team Breakthrough, which arguably are the first and only people that have treated him as his own person, something he himself is not sure he is or isn't. So he lashes out at them and constantly annoys them but it's always this extremely self-destructive thing? It's a very compelling dynamic, a friend turned enemy that kinda just wants to attention but doesn't want to admit it. He wants to be validated as an evil monster but this people have seen both sides of him and know he is closer to an annoying 12 year old that he himself will ever be to the Endbringers.

Jessica outright believes him to be his own being and sincere about heroics and when she asks him what he truly is Chris just shrugs? Because he himself doesnt know and his only real way to treat humans is lying to them so he has never been able to even be aware of it all?

And like, Jessica KNEW. And you could argue that it's a plot hole that she allowed Chris into the team because she fell for his lie and openly wasn't worried about him turning evil. But I would very much indeed like to understand what would it mean for Chris, who began life as a literal monsters during a war and was forced into memories that werent his to be trusted by another person. And what Jessica saw in him to make her believe he could be a hero.

Dont worry tho, Jessica disappears at the end of Ward and this is not examined in any way. Take a drink!

IMO the whole Chris arc is for me one of the parts where Wildbow really dropped the ball because IT IS important and IT IS interesting and there is so much you can do with it but he just kinda stays in the background most of the time.