#but the threat of being outed if you're stealth is a huge mental stress for a lot of people

[llyfrenfys]

Also this shit infuriates me because some well meaning orgs have latched onto 'women and nonbinary' to mean marginalised genders. But what this does is conveniently forget trans men / transmasculine people are also marginalised for our genders. So a lot of resources which can and should help trans men are barred off from us because of our gender. As a trans man, my gender isn't respected by cis society and I don't reap all the benefits of cis masculinity, because, well, I'm not cis! Result is, trans men and transmasculine people end up left out in the cold because queer organisations assume because we're men / masculine, that we don't need any help (never mind how that plays directly into patriarchal views of gender) and can sort ourselves out. Even when we are as vulnerable as a hyperfeminine queer woman.

My high school had a STEM apprenticeship programme which was geared towards women in STEM. Later on, it became women and nonbinary people in STEM. Last time I checked it was just diversity in STEM. I'm glad my career and life path went a different direction, but I was closeted in high school and pushed to do the 'women in STEM' apprenticeship because I did really well at Design and Technology GCSE (formerly known as wood/metalworking). The dysphoria caused by the gendering of the apprenticeship was too intense and so I didn't do it. But even if I had when it was called 'women and nonbinary STEM' (I identified as nonbinary at that time) I would have likely have faced similar issues as above because my inclination was to present masculinely (eventually leading to the realisation I'm a trans man).

Now it's called what it should have been called in the first place - because all along what they meant was 'women and marginalised genders (inclusive of non-cisgender manhood)' - but because that doesn't come across, it puts off people who would really benefit from the scheme due to either being perceived as 'too masc' for 'women and nonbinary', or identifying too masc for the above.

Basically, amab nonbinary people and transmasculine folks should have more solidarity on this front because we face a similar but slightly different form of exclusion based on unnecessary gendering of resources, leading to us being starved of support and opportunities.

I'm happy I didn't take the apprenticeship in the end. But I sometimes wonder what my life could have been like as a transgender man in that field (which I was good at!). I mentioned I was closeted in high school, but I knew I wasn't cis by that point - however, I was targeted by cis boys who didn't know I wasn't a 'girl' because my success threatened their masculinity. We had final year projects with a written and practical component. I chose to make a portable wooden table which folded in on itself with storage for the legs, a latch and a handle. I got a A in my written coursework and a high B in my practical. But while I was still making the table, some of the cis boys in my class (who were also my bullies) deliberately broke part of my project after school. I came in the next day to find things deliberately broken and I had to make them all over again (my teacher explained that's why I got a high B and not an A - because I had to remake parts and the remade parts were rushed due to time running out - an issue I wouldn't have faced had it not been vandalised).

Anyway, I had the second highest grades of the class - second to a cis boy who was actually very nice and wasn't with the other boys who sabotaged my project. This meant I was perceived as the quoteunquote 'girl' with the highest grades in the class (the person with the third highest grades in the class *was* a girl and so rightly that title goes to her).

Anyway, the cis boys in my class couldn't stand that someone they saw as a 'girl' was beating them (they mostly got Ds and Es in that class) and so they tried to sabotage me at every step. Even going so far as to 'accidentally' bump into me when I was using a machine (like the buffing machine or the bandsaw) so that I'd make mistakes (that could have gone so, so much worse depending on the machines. I could have been hurt). My teacher noticed their behaviour and was actually very supportive and punished the cis boys when he saw it happen.

Point of telling that story is - it would have been horrific if this misogyny-based bullying had happened to a cis woman too. It's the exact kind of thing which those apprenticeships seek to mend. It happened to a trans man instead and my gender disqualified me from getting the help and support I'd need to survive in STEM (I was specifically looking at engineering and design). Yes, cis men have no issues getting into STEM. But trans men, who are men but don't receive the same benefits of cis men in these fields, face major barriers only made worse by the assumption that we don't.

I'm glad I didn't go into STEM in the end - but there's countless trans men, amab nonbinary people, transmasculine folks etc. who are in need of help but denied it due to real or perceived adjacency to masculinity that is confused with having all the privileges of a cis man. And this attitude is so prevalent in a lot of LGBTQ+ orgs at present. Personally, I believe it's a lot of well meaning people not thinking about it for more than 5 minutes. But also that radical feminism which demonises masculinity has an influence here too.

NB 👏 Does 👏 Not 👏 Mean 👏 Woman 👏 Lite