#but the probable autism (THAT SHE WON'T GET ME TESTED FOR) means thats a no!!
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God I wish I were dead
#apparently because im not social enough with my crew im not going to get picked for good boats at the championships????#this from my mother. not my coach or anything#when i explained that i dont want to be social because im saving my energy for. rowing.#she just said shit about 'social capital' and how i need it for the workplace#and like#i know!!!!! you think i dont know that???#but the probable autism (THAT SHE WON'T GET ME TESTED FOR) means thats a no!!#im aware i can be social sometimes!! thats at the expense of other things!!!!#im a fucking good rower.#just because im not a god damn social butterfly doesnt mean theyre going to get rid of one of the best bows they have#and this is all because when im sick (now!!!!!) i dont seem happy to be down#guess what!! im not!!!!!!#but i still go because i care about my crewmates#and theres nothing i can control about how i am#i want to bash my head in with a brick or something#and i dont want to tell my irl friends about this whole bullshit because im scared they wont understand#so if someone wants to chat in tags that would be nice :(
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