#but that's more obvious in the later pages that i haven't drawn yet

[kaiserouo]

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corpus & warframe

[welcome-leon]

Okay I NEED to talk about the Resident Evil 'Viral' campaign bc it makes me insane dfsjkhsdj I'm gonna have to split it up by each commercial to talk about them individually so prepare for longpost but I can't get my mind off it.

If you don't know, Capcom had a series of live-action promo videos for RE5, depicting Chris in various moments following the events of the game. If you haven't seen them, the clearest quality ones I could find are by Shiny Gamey on YT, with the first video being here (otherwise the most popular YT results are 144p - 360p lol)

CW: All videos have lots of intense flashing lights/images, and focus heavily on mental illness. TW: Video 4 "Bridge" has imagery of suicide and self-harm, and video 5 "Back" has hints of suicide.

TLDR; these commercials aren't canon, but god I find them interesting. The videos focus on Chris' rapidly declining mental health and obvious PTSD (alongside hallucinations and psychosis), with each clip showing his sanity deteriorating. They paint a picture where the events of RE5 fundamentally changed Chris in a way he cannot control - more than that, showing him far more vulnerable and human than the determined hero we usually see him as. These commercials make RE5 seem way scarier than it is because it's showing the hero suffering from just surviving - Fear You Can't Forget - and man I wish Capcom would lean further into the psychological horror of it all.

So one thing I noticed with this series is that I think it follows the themes of the stages of grief. I think each of Chris' voiceover lines carry this motif in each video, and it further illustrates just how heavily the events of RE5 are weighing on him. I think it's open to interpretation as to what he's grieving - his own sanity, the lives lost from Wesker's actions, Wesker himself, or maybe just a part of Chris' identity that is so drawn and tired of it all that it simply disappears. Either way, death as a whole is a theme explored here, and I find it very fun and interesting that the stages of grief seem to make an appearance too.

(1) Ceremony

In the first video, Chris is shown accepting an award at a BSAA press event some time after Kijuju. There's a lot of press involved, and Sheva is standing in the crowd. A general (maybe? Some kind of commander) gives a speech about Chris' heroism, and gives him a medal. When Chris is about to give his acceptance speech, the flashing of the cameras trigger a flashback where he re-experiences some of the events of the game (this is just gameplay footage, the 'commercial' part of these videos). You can also see scribbled words, in flashes, appearing across his speech papers. When the flashback ends he drops his papers, and when Sheva picks them up from the ground, the pages have no scribbles visible.

The thing about this one for me, aside from introducing the concept that Chris is Not Okay, is the way Chris' internal monologue contrasts with the words from the general. "There's more to being a hero than saving lives," are the opening words to this scene, spoken by the general, and he goes on to commend Chris for his bravery and valour. The general is very openly calling Chris a hero. And yet, Chris' voiceover line is, "It's amazing how far you can get in life by destroying the lives of others."

While it would make sense for him to be referencing Wesker and bioterrorism as a whole, contextually it's apparent that he's referring to himself - by the last video, it's made clear that Chris' voice lines are all a part of one monologue, but I'll get to that later. Here, he is on stage receiving a medal after ending innumerable lives in Kijuju, and while his superiors call it 'saving' lives, Chris calls it 'destroying'. The way he says the line sounds dull, emotionless, and it sounds clear he has no pride in the lives he takes, BOWs or not. I just love that detail to his character, his awareness of his own role in ending the lives of the victims of bioterrorism, the fact that he still views the monsters he kills as lives taken. It feels very canon-Chris to me, despite not being a canon video.

It's also worth noting that shock and denial are considered the first stages of grief, and while it's not a big theme in this clip as much as the others, I still think his voice line showcases his disbelief. It definitely sounds like he can't believe the route his life has taken to lead him onto that stage. Maybe it's not a lot to sink your teeth into, thematically, but there's elements here that contribute to the theme of grief in the video series overall.

(2) Date

This commercial shows Chris on a date with a woman, and it seems like everything is going well. The woman reapplies her lipstick in a compact, while Chris gets a video camera and asks the woman to confess something (side note, Chris wtf sjkdfhkjh). The woman tells him, "I don't know, I'm probably guilty of something." She moves the compact she's holding and Chris has a flashback when light reflects off the mirror into his eyes. When he comes back, the woman is gone, and Chris finds the napkin the woman was using covered in words similar to the first commercial written in lipstick. The voiceover line is, "Death is nothing to be proud of. And survival is sometimes worse than death."

Guilt and pain is the second stage of grief, and I think both are very apparent here. The woman is about to record her confession, and she states she's probably guilty of something - it stands to reason Chris might be thinking of his own confessions, his own guilt. And Chris' internal monologue, after a flashback of violence and death, says, "Death is nothing to be proud of," implying that it's something to feel ashamed of. Again, the point is hammered home that Chris doesn't view his experience in Kijuju as something heroic - he is constantly aware of the weight of death, regardless of who he kills. This line is also spoken alongside the visual of Chris looking into a broken mirror, a symbol of his shattered sense of self, which only amplifies the idea that Chris really feels like he has lost part of himself - is it part of his identity, or his sanity? Both? Probably both.

"And survival is sometimes worse than death." Is Chris talking about believing the psychological effects of RE5 are a fate worse than death? I think so. He's just had a flashback and lost a date that was otherwise going really well because of it, and keeps seeing these words popping up in places they weren't before. It's this line that encompasses his pain, right beside his guilt as it should be. The fact that he's viewing his existence after RE5 as being 'worse than death' is a very potent thing, considering that he should be feeling somewhat normal now that he's back in his real life.

And that's what strikes me the most about these videos - the idea that despite all the horrors we see these characters experience in the games, despite the fact that the good guys always win, despite the fact that these missions always have a beginning and an end, it's the aftermath of the game events that are worse. The idea that even with everything Chris has gone through, in these videos he's telling us that his own brain is worse. I find it chilling, and very compelling.

(3) Claire

This scene shows Chris and Claire hunting an enemy through a factory. Chris' voiceover line is, "Why did I have to go? Why couldn't it have been someone else?" The siblings shoot the enemy and it falls, and it appears as though they're in some kind of mission training. They have the following conversation.

Claire: "So. I heard that the company shrink thought—" Chris: "So Claire Redfield listens to shrinks now?" Claire: "I'm just asking how my big brother's doing, you jerk." Chris: "Don't worry about me, I don't need any saving." Chris then has a voiceover line: "But I do need to be saved."

A target startles them and Claire shoots, the muzzle flash and the glint of the bullets sending Chris into a flashback. When he comes back to himself, the word Kijuju is written on the wall behind Claire in what looks like blood. Chris mutters "No, no," to himself when he sees it, visibly frightened, but Claire can't see what he's seeing. She asks if he's okay. The tagline plays, and the final clip is Chris staring at his own hands with the training mannequin in the background.

Oh boy, Chris thinking "Why couldn't it have been someone else?" really gets me 😥 Chris has already been through so much, and I could be wrong but I'm not sure if he's ever expressed his displeasure at the direction his life has taken before (in the previous instalments of the franchise, I mean). A big part of Chris' character is his steadiness, his guidance of others, and his determination to see the mission through. He's always so reliable in everyone's eyes that for him to be overwhelmed with the burden of responsibility is just so... ugh. And it's literally shown in this same clip, where he states outright to Claire that he doesn't need saving, then his inner monologue directly disproves that. His thoughts are crying out for someone to help him, and yet he resolutely takes action that goes against his own wants. Does he do that because he thinks he can't ask for help? Does he think he doesn't deserve it?

The third stage of grief is bargaining and anger, and it really shows in his voice line. Him asking "why me?" doesn't come from a place of petulance or entitlement, it comes from a place of pain. A sense of anger at the circumstances leading to the loss is a normal part of grief, and bargaining is a way for the brain to try and gain a sense of control over an uncontrollable situation. The fact that he has those kinds of thoughts at all just shows how much pain he's actually in - we all know he would never let anyone else go find Jill and Wesker on his behalf, that's just not who Chris is. And yet, he falls into the natural mindset of trying to retroactively bargain like any of us would. If he hadn't gone to Kijuju, then he wouldn't be feeling this way. If it had been someone else, then he wouldn't need saving. Why did it have to be him?

And then there's the ending, a solid confirmation in this series that Chris is hallucinating the word Kijuju over and over again. His past haunting him, not just in flashbacks but in reality too. Idk man, I know Resident Evil isn't a psychological horror series and it's probably intentional for them to make that distinction from other survival horror games (e.g. Silent Hill) but this kind of stuff is so spooky and I love it. The fact that this is a promotion for the game is so incredibly smart to me, because it makes the viewer wonder at what Chris possibly could have experienced for him to be reacting this way in the aftermath - Chris, who has only ever been shown to be very competent, calm, and determined. Ugh. So good.

(4) Bridge (TW talk of suicide and self-harm)

The clip opens with the sounds of an engine and some frantic driving. His VO line is, "I hope there's something waiting for me out there." Chris stops his truck on top of a bridge and approaches the railing. He looks out for a moment, then climbs up onto the edge. "No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to escape my memories." The flashing light of an alarm triggers a flashback. When he comes to, he's sitting near his truck. His jacket is gone, and he's shaking. He sees his fingers are covered in blood, and when he looks at his arm he sees Kijuju scratched into his skin. "I guess the more horrors that get seared into your brain, the less likely you are to forget."

I was not prepared when I first saw this one, let me tell you, and I still get sad watching it 😔 The imagery speaks for itself I think, and it pretty solidly captures the fourth stage of grief, depression. It appears Chris drove to the bridge with the intent to take his own life, and it was actually the flashback that brought him back from the edge. It very much encompasses his line, "No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to escape my memories." He is quite literally trying to escape his memories, his life, and it is quite literally his memories that prevent him from doing so.

The first part of his voice line for this commercial seems to be his hope for an afterlife? And that kinda just hits home even further - he hopes there's something better waiting for him, something far away from the memories. Although, considering the rest of the series and the guilt he clearly feels, maybe he hopes for absolution. Maybe he hopes for his sins to be punished. Hm.

As a little note, I have no idea if the Kijuju on his arm was meant to be scratches or not. It looks like it's been painted on, but his fingernails are bloody and there's dripping blood, so he obviously got the blood from somewhere. It could also be a hallucination, like the other written words. Unclear. But it takes the decline of his mental health to a whole new level - not only is he suicidal, he's also harming himself in his fugue state. Poor Chris :(

(5) Back (TW talk of suicide)

The final commercial begins with Chris' voice. "There are some things you can't run from. And there are some things that never die." The camera pans over a room filled with items that seem to resemble parts of RE5, including statues and plants. It's unclear where this is, but it seems like Chris is living there. Chris is sitting, clothed, in a bathtub, talking into a receiver. "The human brain is a complicated bitch; once an image is burned in, it's scarred there forever."

The TV screen in front of the tub randomly turns on, and Chris grabs a handgun from beside him to shoot the TV, which triggers a flashback. Sheva runs through the area and pulls him up from the tub, where he had slumped over facedown in the water throughout his flashback, and he aims at her with the pistol before he realises who she is. She grabs him a towel and tells him, "We got a new assignment." Chris gets up and appears to be himself again, getting ready for the mission while Sheva looks at the walls covered obsessively in writing. Over and over, it reads, They are in Kijuju. It's clear she can see it this time. As they leave the area, Chris' voice line is, "I can't keep letting my memories get the best of me. Luckily, the best way to get rid of old memories is by making new ones."

So there's a lot going on here I'm not fully certain about tbh. I think this is meant to be Chris' home, or at least a current place of residence. The way the place is decorated makes me think Chris is so far gone in his memories that he's started making the area around him mimic Kijuju, with all the plants growing off the walls and the sculptures. The fact that the place looks like an abandoned factory is unexplained though. Chris is sitting in the bathtub talking into a recording device; it looks to me like a landline phone, and I suspect he's recording a voicemail. That, alongside the handgun next to him on the tub leads me to believe he's recording a suicide note - and it seems like all the voice lines in the previous videos are all part of this one recording.

The final stage of grief is acceptance, but I think this video turns that acceptance on its head a bit. "Some things you can't run from, and some things never die." The lines themselves make him seem accepting of his own memories, of the fact that these events will haunt him - in the context of the clip though, his possible second suicide attempt, maybe he's trying to explain to someone why he couldn't try to attempt to live with the memories. And yet, the moment Sheva tells him they have a new mission, he's up and back on his feet, Chris Redfield once more, and with the final voice line things are ostensibly all fixed again. Acceptance. Sure.

But there's no real resolution (not that I would expect one in a commercial series like this) and it would defy the core intent of these videos for Chris to be All Okay again. He's not okay after RE5 - that's the point. Fear you can't forget. What the viewer needs to know is that Chris Redfield is going to carry on and do the next mission like he always does, and isn't that just the sad truth of Chris' entire character? It's that exact theme that leads to Chris' weariness in RE8, asking himself when it all ends. Despite the final lines that seem to shoehorn the entire series in a neat package, I think the fact that despite his clear mental health issues he still gets up and gets the job done is far more telling about the tragedy of Chris' character.

The writing on the walls really makes me think. They are in Kijuju. 'They' being Wesker and Jill, but it's odd that Chris would obsess over that specifically after RE5, seeing as he's already saved Jill and killed Wesker. But then it makes me wonder about those 3 years Chris was looking for them. 'They are in Kijuju' would literally be the thought that started it all, the reason why the events of RE5 happened in the first place. 'They are in Kijuju' would be an obsession, even in his right frame of mind. He'd spent so long looking for Jill that this phrase being seared into his mind makes sense to me. (I mean obviously this would moreso be a big teaser for fans to understand what RE5 is likely to be about, but still.)

Idk man, these clips, while not being canon, fill a void for me about Chris' wellbeing after everything he's been through. He's experienced so much, carried so much, that to see him truly suffer in the aftermath of such a gruelling mission is just kind of cathartic? He's human, and his body and mind aren't infallible. He might be able to make it through the toughest experiences alive, but that doesn't mean there are no consequences. And frankly I just love this approach to promoting a horror game - showing the aftermath is such a smart way to do it. "Look at how the protagonist reacts to living through the RE5 experience! Don't you wanna know what caused it?" That's just good marketing.

Anyway to anyone who made it this far - thanks and hope you enjoyed my rambles 😅🥰

[thesilliestangel4ever]

" angel statues " everytime he sees you, you're always by an angel statue sketching away, looking up every once in a while to gaze upon the sculpture once more. one day, he finds you've drawn one who eerily resembles him.

Includes: g/n reader, pomefiore

Warnings: cringe, ooc [ i have not made it past book 6. . . Apologies!]

[ Vil Schoenheit ✿ ]

Of course Vil would notice you, with you hunched over your sketch book like a shrimp. He fixed up your posture and scolded you about it.

He had seen you drawing near sculptures, most commonly around angel statues and perhaps even gargoyles. Though he never thought much on it, thinking you were likely studying them or just happened to be near them.

One day, he comes over to correct your posture once more, but not without his gaze hovering over to your sketchbook. What he saw was an unfinished drawing of the statue before you, but something was off. The hair was different.

He then realized, how the hair and even some of the facial features resembled his own. He huffs and leaves, deciding not to comment. Though he cannot deny that he feels flattered that you'd compare him to the likes of an angel.

You truly are a specimen, aren't you?

_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_

[ Rook Hunt ✧]

Rook is well... A guy. Yep, he's a guy indeed. I think it's quite obvious that he would realize your habit of drawing angel statues and other sculptures alike.

In fact, he may already know that you draw him– but let's pretend he doesn't know that yet, okay?

It's after all your classes have ended, and you're sitting on a bench eith your sketchbook. He, of course, decides to approach you slowly.

And he happens to see the page, and it really doesn't take him long to see it's meant to be him. He thinks it's so beautiful–

And if you haven't noticed his presence now, you definitely will now because hes yelling praises at you, and telling you how talented you are.

"Beauté!"

_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_

[ Epel Felmier ♡ ]

Epel already knows you like to draw sculptures, since you show him your sketches sometimes because you're classmates and pretty good friends.

He's also seen you by said sculptures a lot of the time, but has never been able to approach you because he has to take those stupid etiquette lessons with Vil...

But one fateful day, he's finally able to approach you when you're drawing! He wants to see the process but you wont let him for some reason... But somehow, he gets a glimpse– either because you finally gave up or he managed to snatch the book–

Either way, what he sees is a super cool drawing! But... Why is the hair different? It doesn't take long for him to put two and two together to realize you're drawing him as the statue.

Epel is flustered, and apologizes before running off. He doesn't hate it ! He just doesn't know how he should feel... But not in a negative way!!!

Later on he apologizes for running off and he's very appreciative for the drawing.

_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_

Sorry for disappearing again! I will try to work on my current requests, but please give me more requests!!

Read my rules before requesting, please.

[kit-teung]

bad buddy fandom getting-to-know-you meme ):)

template by @fiercynn, tagged by @hereforlou! this is exciting, thank you so much for tagging me <3

name and whatever you want to share about yourself

i'm (na)tasha, a freelance artist from eastern europe, i really love mountains, lemons, teal colour and when it's hot as hell outside. you might know me from c-drama/novel fandoms - that's what i mostly draw on my main blog (which i'm being weirdly secretive about, but if you want to know the url you can message me about it off anon)

when did you watch bad buddy/join the fandom?

episode 5 was trending on here and a mutual who abandoned tumblr almost completely suddenly came back to reblog like 15 rooftop kiss gifsets in a row, scream in tags and then disappear again which made me go huh. what's all this then. lemme check out the first episode. and then by the time episode 6 aired a few days later i'd been already all caught up (can't remember exactly but since i have a tendency towards binge-watching i have a suspicion i watched all five episodes nearly in one sitting). for some personal reasons i'd rather not get into i never got a chance to create anything back then when it was airing and after, and so here i am finally joining the fandom more than a year later!

favorite ship(s)

(apart from the obvious) 📢📢📢TONGYOD📢📢📢 !!! also i was never big on crossover ships but then our skyy 2 happened and altered my brain chemistry

favorite character(s)

sometimes it's pran, sometimes it's pat. i don't control the part of my brain that decides which one of them to hyperfixate on out of the blue

favorite episode(s)

(again, apart from the obvious) i really love episodes 2-4 where they get to reunite and just hang out with each other. i love you bus stop shenanigans. also episode 11 because i'm a sucker for beach episodes, especially when they are mellow and bittersweet

favorite scene(s)

episode 8 balcony scene my beloved. inkpa darkroom confession scene and the way love's voice was trembling as she was on the verge of crying. also that bit in episode 11 where pat wakes up alone, goes out and sees pran playing the guitar outside and pran turns to greet him and SMILES SO SO BIG ugh my heart is doing somersaults as i'm typing this

one thing you would change about the show if you could

put pat in crop tops. cmon

what are your some of your favorite fanworks made by other people? 

any of the artworks by @thatgothsamurai, but especially this one

any of the artworks by @shikanji, but especially this one

any of the artworks by @hereforlou, but especially this one

any of the artworks by @kornswasianguyswag, but especially this one

this fanvid, the best fanvid ever that i've accidentally stumbled upon when searching up "bad buddy same page" (i think i was looking for the mock trailer lol)

this fic by @oldlace

this fic by @aroceu

and a special shoutout to all the wonderful gifmakers and meta writers, you guys are the real mvps <3

(if you create fanworks) what are your favorite fanworks that you’ve made?

well, i haven't drawn much bbs fanart yet, but from the ones i've done so far i especially love this inkpa

also pls look at this korn i drew in the bbs discord server

a song that makes you think of bbs (the ones in the show don’t count lol)

does same page count if it technically wasn't in the show ah no wait pat sang it in episode 12 damn it ok this one i guess

idk anything else you want us to know?

this show's name in my native language is a pun that i can't explain

unfortunately i don't really know anyone in this fandom yet (unless.. @aroceu have you done this thing?), so i'm not tagging anyone, but if you're reading this and you really want to do this, you can say i tagged you!

[yostresswritinggirl]

Tales of The Ghost Writer

“You met Xingqiu at Wanwen Bookhouse when delivering a batch of your newly-published book. But as a ghost writer, no one knew it was you that authored such books. Safe to say it was cute watching the noble bookworm fanboy about you in front of you.”

Pairings -> Xingqiu x Author!Reader

Word Count -> 3518

Theme -> Long Fic, Fluff

Series -> #Bonafide specials (100 followers event)

Warnings -> Xingqiu's name might be mispelled at times, also he rambles a lot

Entry Log # 645:

I’ve once again delivered the new batch of books to Wanwen Bookhouse today at 4PM, 30 new books in collection to be sold. That would add up to a total of 420 published books for Legend of the Lone Sword. Despite its old circulation, collectors and avid bookworms still seek out the volumes. In a spur of the moment thought, the 4th volume was finally rereleased for more readers to get a chance to read them. While on my rounds, I’ve met a particularly peculiar fan.

“4th volume?” You nod as you set down the stack of books on the counter where Jifang stood behind with a welcoming smile. “Thank you, everyone has been asking about it for a while now. I don’t understand how people keep missing out on the last volume like so.” There was an exchange of giggles between you continued your idle chatter, busying yourself with recounting the stack to make sure the order placed was exact. Yep, 30.

You picked one up from the top pile as Jifang enters the bookhouse to gather the payment. It wasn't that much of a feat to carry a pile of 30 books when it's only this thick, you thought as you opened the book in the middle and... buried your nose in it, literally. Archons, the scent of freshly printed books had always been such a stress reliever of a kind. The imprints were still fresh as you run your thumb over the pristine white page of page 75, the gravings of the letter bumping it in such an intricate and endearing manner. You suppose it should be prime time you get a copy of your own-

"Ah, the glorious scent fresh books offer are quite irresistible to everyone," your head whipped to the side in a hurry at the embarrassing display. Yet your new company only offered a light-hearted laugh, floaty and flowing swiftly past his lips. You find it enjoyable to listen to. "Fret not, I don't judge such honest guilty pleasure."

His smile was soft and respectful as you return it, watching his hand (wrists largely ruffled) pick up the next book on the pile, his interest shining the more he recognizes the the piece of literature. Such expensive clothing and poise, you thought as you continued to inspect. "I knew Wanwen had a schedule of new releases today, but I was not informed it would be the 4th volume of the Legend of the Lone Sword!"

"A fan?" You mused as you placed back the copy you took, leaning against the counter as you watched him quickly scan the lines of the book. He was intensely staring at every word with such a calculating gaze, that sometimes break when he reads how the character would sometimes reach an impasse, or when a new discovery reaches its peak. His ardent gaze was enough of an answer. When he took a break from reading to pass you his attention, you hadn't realize how red your cheeks had been out of embarrassment. "I've always wanted to get my hands on my own copy of the 4th, yet everytime all bookhouses in Liyue keep running out of stock. Is delivery normally this scarce?" He'd gestured at the not so looming pile.

You nod in response with a forgoing giggle. "Publishing could be running into some... shortness of funds?" Subtle, yet he hums in disappointment at the thought. His little pout, adorable, as he buries his face in the book again. I would gladly fund such glorious writing, you thought you heard past the leather back before the ornate doors past the counter finally opened again.

"Ah sorry it took so long, I couldn't find the exact pouch for the- hey! You again, you've read and been scolded dozens of times already," the woman angrily gestures to the notice board by the table, "Pay first, read later!"

You snorted, thankfully masked by the sudden cry of the caught culprit as he was smacked (hopefully gently) on the head by the owner, forcing him to put back the book to the pile. "Hnghh, but Lady Jifang! You didn't scold her, she was indulging herself with the book just the same," you breathed a fake gasp of astounded betrayal, before you three had laughed in chorus.

The oldest of your trio scoffed in amusement as she placed the bag of Mora unto your waiting hand. "What, her? Why would I scold her, she probably knows every word like the back of her ha-" her rambling was then cut off by a loud smack on her bottom, a book expertly finding its way back to your hand with a perfectly cut smile. Her yelp was not unnoticed by the male as he laughs at the display.

"Let him be, he's really been patiently waiting for the release!" Jifang scoffs at the word patiently as you came to the defense of blunette. You were never really aware of the norm in Wanwen, as you usually come by at a time where you would have been alone. This was a first.

"Quite so! Just the start of the volume had me hooked, setting for the peak of the story climax! The synopsis itself already hinted of another inclusion of a new element into the story I had not expected from this style of a book, surely such a writer would not tread such parallel territory without being an expert teller-" Jifang watched in amusement as her gaze lands on you at the start of the bookworm's rambling, watching the redness touch the tip of your ear with an abashed smile shyly gracing your lips. Behind it she can see the mirth and amusement, something she outwardly shows with her own expression.

"Wow," was the Liyuean woman's only response once the speaker has finished his lengthy speech. His dorkiness stands with pride at his examination.

You cleared your throat before you could mutter your initial words, finally realizing the time. "That was... quite marvelous of an analysis. A-Anywaysss, thank you for your partnership, I hope the books are all sold by tomorrow!"

And with that you swiftly made your exit, wanting to find a place to scream the embarrassment out. Or maybe squeal, just to be subtle.

Entry Log # 15:

As a distant relative to the Guhua clan, the (L/N) clan was not exactly known to be tied closely to the prestigious clan known for their expert martial. However, despite the impure connection, they carry with them still the honor of learning the arts to a meticulous detail.

Your family was one of the living practitioners of the Guhua Arts, twice removed, yet your spotlight was not that obvious as the name would carry. Your father wish to carry a new kind of prestige without relying on the powerful namesake and he had been adamant since birth to grind every teaching and form of the art into his immediate family.

"Misogyny nor feminism will not save you from battle, only your own strength." Something along those lines, was what he said.

Your eldest brother was his main point of reference when scolding you on not taking your lessons properly. A slacker he is, now he lacks not only a means of security but also financial stability, that's what you end up to if you don't treasure the arts of our family. You have no idea how martial arts brings you monetary security, but you can't really state to your own father that his logic was a bit skewed.

Daily during morning and the first touch of evening, you had resigned yourself into training under your father's supervision. As the eldest daughter of the house, you carry with you still a responsibility to be strong. No fraility was accepted, and your mother always argues about your father's ever so masculine lifestyle being imposed on you, a lady that should be taught other customs for means of living.

Yet after every session, at the end of the day under the caress of the lamp by your study table, your hands move with precision and calmness he would have scoffed at in the dojo. The beauty of words and their power to create new worlds effortlessly had drawn you in too easily, ever since you were young you had a knack for the books your mother reads to herself or to you.

Entry Log # 651:

The next time you'd met the Wanwen Bookworm (nickname you gave) was a rare moment when he'd finally looked at you more than the book in his hand. It seemed your little interaction from the bookhouse was attention-grabbing enough to make him seek out your person with a bunch of questions and wonder.

You gulped, patting down your blue skirt before accompanying him. The way he rambles was too dangerous, it was drawing something within you to also do the same, and you feared you may let out something you shouldn't. But a fellow 'reader' is good company, and with the little interactions you had with the same age group with the same interest makes this moment something you can't pass.

"Carrier to the Yae Publishing House?" You nodded calculatedly, after confirming you've said just the right information. "Quite intriguing, especially with such young age to be working in line with the greatest press house in Teyvat." Ohhh, he's surely smart despite the first impression of goofiness.

You giggled as politely as you can remember you should upon the scarce teachings of your mother. "I've always liked literature so I couldn't uhm let the opportunity pass, even if it's insignificant like that." Good, good, piling up the lies. You're grateful you haven't made some contract of friendship and happen upon the wrath of your nation's God. Or Qixing.

"Surely, you must have been in the presence of some of the wordsmiths during your rendezvous! So tell me," there was a dangerous glint in his eyes and you knew exactly what he's gonna ask, "Have you met the legendary Bob Ong?"

Oh goodness, you felt him caress and pat your back as you tried your best to breathe after the sudden choking on nothing, he was so spot on that you were horrified even if you had an inkling of what he was gonna inquire. "I uhm I don't really know what I'm allowed to say." In the inside you were goddamn screaming.

"You don't have to tell me anything about him, really! It's his mystery that makes his character just the most intriguing." You gulped down hard, this time without choking out of nothing. "I don't really know much about who he is since he's, you know, unknown? No clues whatsoever, he could be anywhere right now, maybe you've talked to him already or no. Yeah?"

He held a convincing hum before taking in the cryptic answer, content, for now you assume. "Not many avid readers of the book can place a name to the unnamed author, but how blind they were to see the cryptic signature at the back of the cover. Truly a wonderous act." Xingqiu, you finally learned his name, had took you out to lunch for the trouble and enjoyment. It wasn't really necessary, but you figured it was probably to keep you with him longer to converse about the books more.

A lot of his... analysis actually coincide with the messages that you lodged between the lines. He understands your way of narration more than you do at times, and you were left wondering just how much he had read of the fourth volume despite only having it for a few days then. When evening once again struck, you had bid each other farewell in the promise of another time to hang.

"It's a literature of love and freedom- disguised as a martial arts novel." Was his parting analysis, and you were left to wonder, was that really what you had projected into your works?

Entry Log # 32:

In your young and hopeful mind, you'd sent your first ever manuscript to Yae Publishing House. It wasn't your first work but it was the one you worked hard on the most, with weeks of furbishing and reworks. Your mother, although not directly informed of your whole plan, had provided you with great feedback and generous suggestions. And soon you created the first manuscript of 'String of Pearls'.

With a generous note and what you hoped is enough mora to at least publish a book, your package was sent to Inazuma.

You waited for days, of which turned to weeks, and then to months. You thought by the end of it all, you had been swindled but as young as you still hoped for the best of its outcome.

And then one day, as you were sweeping the outside of your gates in preparation for your father's return from some business in the harbor, a lone man of Inazuman style found its way to your humble abode. He calls himself Mr. Nine, and in his arms cradled two similar looking books, with a familiar envelope.

That was when you had been given the opportunity to write for the greatest Publishing House under the guise of a pseudonym. The great Nine was astounded by your ripeness paired with your prowess in writing. You hid behind Bob Ong, a protection from being belittled as a young child and a woman, to prevent being traced by your father if ever.

Yet you remained as subtle still. Even if your name was not written on the covers themselves, within your heart you were still the writers of those books. You've placed anagrams and mysterious puzzles revealing your name but it was part of the intrigue of the story that they had not thought much about it.

One day, you lost your book when you had gone out to eat. It was the second copy, as you carried the first one in your room, yet it still held a special place in your heart.

Xingqiu was a master novelist too, as you'd expect from someone so enthusiastic on the art of literature too. You'd long since become friends and found out soon enough his true identity. The heir to the Feiyun Commerce Guild, master practitioner of the Guhua Clan Arts, soon to be novelist. He was in every aspect the better half between you two.

One day in his daily reading breaks where he would happen upon you, he had found his eyes wafting over your notebook that you always carry. It was designed to look like a hard bound book specially tailored to your tastes, but it was nothing but mere keepers of your notes and musings.

Your newest page had in it a brand new draft for a brand new story you wanted to flesh out before the success of Legend of the Lone Sword diminishes. Mr. Nine still praised you for the success of your first major publishing and had assured you that there's no need to immediately compensate with another work so early, but your mind was already so eager to work. Your friend had never seen you so- flamed and passionate as the paper caves to the intense pressure your pencil places on it.

So he leans on your shoulder slightly (glad you were still distracted) as he quietly reads the words that articulates on the paper. The more Xingqiu reads, the more he craves, just the same vigor he felt everytime he had read his favorite works when each chapter invigorates him to continue to the end.

"Such a great outline," the blunette breathes out as he leans his cheek at the crown of your head. You let out a cute squeak when you'd finally come to, and turned your head to face him- "I didn't know you were into romance, my liege. Tell me, just where do you get such inspirations?" Your nose softly collided against the smoothness of his cheek, your lips ghosting over the line that is his jaw.

You scrambled backwards to direction opposite of his, yet with his body weight leaning on you, his center of balance quickly shifted on your weight like a net being pulled against the sides of a boat. You both toppled over.

"My, my, I didn't expect such abrupt resistance from you," Xingqiu's arms caged you as it holds him up against the grassland on either side of you. There was a certain mischievous glint in the ocean that is his eyes, which only meant one thing. "No need to be shy," you closed your eyes shut as his face leans in closer to yours, fanning over the frame of your face as he lets out a warm yet teasing exhale, "I'm sure we've gone past our personal bubbles in this relationship." You felt his chest against yours and braced for the inevitable-

as he finally licked your nose(?).

What.

"X-XINGQIUUUUU!" And then a cry of pain after a particularly harmful blow.

Entry Log # 659:

Xingqiu had always been a man of great words despite his chicken scratch of a penmanship. Vivid tales of his manuscript that I'm sure the Publishing House would take great value for, his years of memorizing numerous works in his arsenal. He told me that if I were to one day publish the manuscript, he wants to get the first copy and the first to get it signed. However Xingqiu has one glaring weakness when it comes to the art of words. When I asked him what would be a good title for the manuscript I made, he simply said, "Tales of the Writer!" And he sent a goofy smile. I thought he was joking, and I asked again, this time of what his work would be named. He replied:

"Why, Legend of Sword, of course!" He really sucks at titles.

Entry Log # 660:

Upon returning home with my new work ready to be shipped off for mass publishing, I've finally confronted my father. I had with me the final volume of my first work and offered it to him as first a gift of reconciliation, and my father took it with a mirthful glint in his eyes. He said he has been looking for the last volume of the series he'd been wanting to complete. I... I didn't know father was a fan.

The climax of my entire double-life ended so peacefully and tragically meh. I was expecting a martial arts fight of honor that will go down in history, but instead I ended up signing my own book as my father gushed about how nicely I illustrated the martial arts teaching we had during our sessions. I did not sleep well that night.

October 9th was a day celebrated by others more than the young master Xingqiu. The pavilion was mixed in with people from different walks of life and of faces he doesn't necessarily recognize. He lingers by the open window that shows the grandeur balcony, beckoning him outside. Today was a scheduled new release for Wanwen Bookhouse, and he had heard several chatters from the citizens that a new series would be published hailing from Yae Publishing House once again.

And the virtuoso of literature cannot attend such important matter himself because of his own birthday. How irking, you weren't even there to help appease his grumbling, you should have been here by now upon his invitation.

Suddenly the master of invitations bellowed out a familiar name, as his job to announce the entrance of the invited guests to the banquet. When he looks up, you were already walking down the grand staircase in your creme and blue Hanfu garb, accompanied by a tall man of a different wear—

"(Y/N), M-Mr. Nine-!" He bowed politely to the man as you curtsied at his presence. You looked absolutely dashing yet the man towered your form easily. "It's my honor to finally meet you, sire."

"Happy birthday, Xingqiu, I've heard many great things about you," the blunette opened his hands to receive the book gifted by the man. It had a familiar cover and title to it, Legend of Sword, "Great things, in fact, that there would too be great things to discuss later on." The Inazuman graced him a smile and he almost teared up at the implications, if not for when the author suddenly nudged you forward from your demure state.

Tales of the Ghost Writer

"X-Xingqiu, happy birthday! This is uhm, I've always wanted to- I wanted to give you this myself, I know you'd miss the first batch of releases," an unfamiliar book sits on his palm now. A plume and sword adorning its cover but no title, he shifts his hand to open it to the first page, "You said you wanted its first copy be signed, and I thought it appropriate to be given now at such a special occasion."

There in fresh print and ink he'd finally been revealed the mysteries he had long been searching for.

Against the translucent paper it was written and signed,

Tales of The Ghost Writer

Bob Ong, (Y/N)

@creation-magician @your-local-venti-simp @boxofteenageideas @indigodreamtime47

[pink-peony-princess]

A Little Piece of Art

The art gallery had always been one of Shawn's favourite places, he loved the colours, the textures, even the smell of the freshly painted canvases.

During his residency year of Emergency Medicine this love, had become something more, something sacred. His weekly visits to the local art galleries were the only chance he got to 'just be'. He found something so comforting in the way the colours melded together forming any number of unique patterns, the colours quietly, but boldly expressing the many emotions with fuelled the artist's work.

Maybe it was this that he connected with the most? Life as a medical resident was hectic, always ruled, by other people's, needs, wants, emotions, there never seemed to be time to address your own wants and needs. But time, at the art gallery, Shawn found, gave him an escape, a way to wonder off into a world of bright unchecked colour and vibrancy, away from the harsh unrelenting realities of people's all too often life-threatening and life-changing injuries, away from everything an everyone. Well everyone except one person that was.

He'd first met Auburn three years ago, it was a chance encounter, he wasn't meant to walk into that particular little gallery , and she wasn't meant to working that day, but as fate had it she was and he did.

They'd striked up a friendship fairly quickly, a mutual interest and respect for the works of art and the artist's behind them fuelled many hours of conversation. There had always been an unspoken, but undeniable chemistry between the two of them, but Shawn was busy with work and didn't want to drag someone else into that mess, and Auburn was just too shy to ask

When Shawn found out that Auburn was single, he was shocked. She was gorgeous, with long platinum blonde straight hair and the perfect figure, yet up close she had just the right amount of freckles scattered over the bridge of her nose, breaking the facade of perfection.

Auburn had been equally as confused when Shawn admitted that he too was single. She could understand the reasoning behind it, with a busy job and other commitments including a family that lived out of state, she couldn't however get over, but Shawn was gorgeous like some Greek God doctor-model who had just made his way from the runway and into her gallery. He was tall and lean, but muscular with tattoos scattering his hands and arms, deep brown eyes which seemed to reach your soul with the barest glace and a mop of perfectly kept brown curls- always tamed by hair product which Auburn longed to run her fingers through.

Two years and much flirting later and Shawn had finally gotten up the courage to ask her out l, to which she immediately agreed. He'd taken her to one of his favourite restaurants for dinner and they're talked for hours as if they'd known one another for a lifetime. Shawn told her about his hobbies, medicine was number one for which Auburn admired him for following his passions, closely followed by the guitar and ice hockey, not to mention family, he loved his family, Auburn found this to be an immediate turn-on as she too was close to her family although she couldn't get to see them as often as she liked l, they were across country and an art gallerist's wages certainly did not cover the cost of the ticket.

She found herself telling him all her most embarrassing stories from grade school when she's tripped and fallen into a muddy puddle bigger than she was in front of her entire class, and all about the time she'd been left to sit outside the movie theatre in 8th grade for two hours waiting for a date that would never show.

Shawn was furious at this, exclaiming that he would never do that to a girl, and anyone who would, was a coward, before downing the rest of his Tequila.

Admittedly by then they were both a little drunk and high on life and the presence of each other

When the evening ended Shawn walked Auburn home like the gentleman he was,turning to leave her and she made it to the doorstep, but something in him made him turn around causing him to crash into her body with the force of a truck as she too made her way to him. The two sharing a heated kiss before Auburn turned head down to hide the raging blush and wide smile that lit up her face and made her way inside.

From that moment the two had been inseperable, with Auburn moving into Shawn's condo- a far cry from the crusty old place she'd rented when she first got the city.

They'd done the whole meeting each other's families, both feeling completely at home and welcome, before a year later getting the happy news that they were expecting.

Auburn had been feeling off for over a week when Shawn finally convinced her to go to the doctors and get a blood drawn, a million things flying through his head as to what it might be.

The pregnancy news had completely shocked them both, but as they had sat there together staring down at the piece of paper stating the cause of all her sickness, irritability and hunger there was no denying that it was right.

They were over the moon, elated at the idea of being parents with Shawn referring to the baby as he laid his hands on her stomach as "Their happy little ancient!"

To say that Shawn was protective was an understatement a helicopter parent (to be) might be more apt Auburn thought as Shawn handed her what fleet like her tens of pills as she ate her breakfast before rushing from the room only half dressed to finish getting ready for work which now that he was finished residency (and at the top of his class, which Auburn loved to brag to her friends about) was a local hospital where he was working.

...

The day started normally, Auburn went off to the gallery to start her day l, daydreaming of seeing Shawn who'd been away on training for the last little bit.

Somewhere in this perfect daydream, everything came crashing down. The last thing Auburn was aware of was the screech of tyres and the immense, unstoppable feeling of pain.

...

"Dr Craigen,we need you in triage one." Brian's nurse Amy spoke as she came skidding into the room.

"Can it wait?"  He asked looking up briefly from the hand of a young girl he was suturing after she was bitten by a dog.

"No, it can't." He could hear the tension in her voice,  so he stood removing his gloves,  and paging another doctor to take care of the girl before following her out.

"What is it? Who?"  He asked as Amy all but ran through the corridor. His question was cut short as they reached the bay in question.

"Just stay still! For God sake, you don't have a choice." He couldn't see the patient's face from outside the door,  but he could see that two nurses and an intern were currently trying to restrain her,  against her will.

"What on earth do you think youre doing Doctor Tanaran?"  Brian asked as he grabbed a pair of gloves and stepped into the room. The intern stepped back from the patient, turning to look at him.

"We need to get an I.V. in her,  but she's not cooperating," he responded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Brian?" The person on the bed asked. He recognised the voice immediately and sure enough as he stepped around to the other side of the bed,  there lay Auburn  a close personal friend, someone who he considered to be like a sister, and the girlfriend of one of his best friends, Dr. Shawn Mendes.

She was almost unrecognisable, bloodied,  and bruised,  tears flooding her face and falling into the linen of the bed staining it a muddy brown as they mixed with the blood flowing from a nasty looking gash on her head,  an oxygen mask laying forgotten beside her.

"Auburn?" he asked finally making eye contact, before looking up to find that she had not even been attached to any monitors yet.

"Everyone get your hands off the patient, now."  he stared poignantly at the intern that who still had his hands on her.

"She just wouldn't cooperate." he grumbled as he stepped back.

Brian saw red at that, turning to glare before speaking.

"Have you thought about why the patient might be uncooperative?  Have you even bothered to ask?"  I questioned folding my arms across my chest.

He looked down at the floor,  but didn't answer. "Didn't think so.  So not only have you terrified an already distressed patient,  but you've assaulted the girlfriend of Dr. Shawn Mendes,  head of this ER."

His head snapped up at this,  a look of shear panic on his face.

"Dr. Craigen I didn't think-"

"That's right,"  he interrupted.  "The same way you haven't thought the three other times I've had to speak to you over the duration of your time here so far.

Get out of this room,  and go and tell your resident that I don't want you on my service anymore.  Oh and Tanaran," Brian called as the man made his way for the exit.  "If I ever see or hear you do something like that ever again,  I will personally make sure you're pulled from this program."

He sighed and turned around to see Auburn smiling softly.

"Thanks Bri"  she spoke softly, very dazed,reaching her hand out for him to take. Somewhat restricted by the board and collar she had been placed on for spinal management.

"No problem hon. He's got an attitude that one.

So I'm just going to start slowly okay.  I'm just going to hook you up to some monitors so that we can check you're heart rate, blood pressure and oxygen. Can I see the chart please? " he asked one of the nurses that was stood meekly in the corner.

"Yes Doctor," she responded before leaving and returning a minute later with the relevant information.

"Okay so it says here,  that apart from that gash on your forehead and a fracture to your arm you have  some fractured ribs, a suspected bruised spleen and a dislocated ankle as well as possible spinal injuries," he listed off as he took in the notes from the Emergency Services.

"They only got half way through checking her." the other nurse  responded. Brian nodded, before placing the chart in the holder at the end of the bed,  and returning to Auburn's side. He picked up her hand gently to check her pulse,  watching as her eyes fluttered,  drooping slightly.

"Auburn, I need you to try and stay awake for me," he spoke, tapping her check softly, moving to check her focal response with his pen light and finding that she had a fairly moderate concussion.

She let out a small groan,  but managed to open her eyes, watching me tiredly.

"That's it," he praised. " smiling before grabbing his stethoscope from around his neck and resting it to her chest.

"Deep breathes," he asked quietly. She did as asked, but it was obvious from the way she was wincing every time she inhaled that she was in pain.

"It hurts and I want Shawn." she cried.

"I know you do hon. We'll get him here soon," he promised, paging one of his nurses to go and find him.

"How bad is your pain one to ten?' he asked,  watching her closely.

"Eight " she answered.

"Okay I'm going to help ease some of that okay. " he spoke resting the I.V.tray that the previous doctor had set up next to the bed.

"Tell me what you remember? " he asked, trying to keep her talking.

"I was just crossing the street,  and a car came out of nowhere. I don't know what happend. I was coming to see Shawn." she added.

"I'm sorry Auburn. " He really did feel sorry for her,  not only as a doctor, but as a friend.  She and Shawn had barely gotten to see one another the last few weeks, and now this. 

"They didn't even stop to help me! " She cried, more tears trailing down her face. He felt so sorry for her, and sick at the thought of how Shawn might react. He just hoped Shawn was able to stay calm,  for both of their sakes.

"Small scratch." he warned, inserting the line, and getting her started on some much needed fluids and pain relief. She flinched a little,  but didn't pull away. "Okay, so I'm going to get Dave to come and  help me with a spinal exam,  and he should also be able to determine if we need x-rays for these breaks okay" he explained gently,trying not to scare her.

She looked worried at the mention of x-rays,  but he just assumed it was due to her being clastrophobic,  as she didn't say anymore on the subject.

He walked out of the room, quietly closing the door after me, and made my way to the nurses station where I found Dave helping a nurse. As an Orthopedic doctor he was often called down for consults, so it was common to find him here.

"Dave, do you mind helping me for a second mate?" he asked, before coming to stand next to him waiting as he finished his conversation.

"Yeah what is it?" he asked as Brian handed him Auburn's chart.

"Auburn?" He asked disbelief clear in his tone,  eyebrows raised in confusion. "Auburn as in Shawn's Auburn.What happend?

"

"Hit and run." he answered. Causing Dave to wince in sympathy. "They didn't even stop!"

"Has anyone gotten a hold of Shawn?" He asked, shaking his head as they made their way to the door of Auburn's room.

"Yeah, but she's quite distressed obviously,  so I'm just taking it really slowly. At least until Shawn gets here, unless something is absolutely vital," he told him. Dave nodded before opening the door, and greeting Auburn with a bright smile.

"Hi Auburn, Bri told me you got in a fight with a car?" He asked, causing her to smile faintly.

"What have we got so far?" he asked.

"Large laceration on the forehead and a fracture to the left  arm, some fractured ribs, a suspected bruised spleen and a dislocated right ankle as well as possible spinal injuries, she is also complaining of chest pain." Brian added as he hummed at the growing list of ailments.

"Auburn are you having any trouble breathing? " he asked, she nodded letting him listen to her breathing as Brian had. The room was quiet for a few moments except for the beeping of the machines as he moved the stethoscope around her chest, before stepping back with a sigh.

"Slightly muffled left side," he agreed, glancing to the monitors,  a look of concern on his face.

"It'll need to get an x-ray,  and maybe an ultrasound." Brian nodded, adding,

"I'd also like to get some CTs of the head just to be sure there is no underlying bleeding. Is it okay if we give you some oxygen?" he asked wanting to up her saturation, especially given her breathing troubles.

She made a small jerk of the head in the affirmative,  allowing him to place the mask that had lay beside her back on her face.

"Any other pain?" Dave asked lifting the blanket to assess the damage to her lower extremities, she took a few shaky breaths.

"Just my ankle."

" Okay,we just need to turn you and have a feel of your spine. Before we do, anything else, as we don't want to aggregate anything." Dave explained coming back to stand at the head of the bed. "All you need to tell me is if you feel anything sore."

She hummed in resonse,  unable to nod due to the collar.

"On three, one,two,three. " Brian spoke before rolling her and holding her steady.

"Any tenderness?" Dave asked as he made his way down her spine, gently feeling for abnormalities.

"No." she answered innnediately.

"Wiggled your toes for me?" he asked as he went to stand by the end of the bed again. She did so,  causing them both to breathe a sigh of relief.

Five minutes later and Dave l had decided that x- rays were necessary, due to the precarious nature of the fractures in her arm and ankle and that the fractured ribs did need further investigation, however that no spinal damage had been done,  meaning she could be removed from the collar and brace.

"Where's Shawn?"  She asked, again as they went about removing the neck brace. Brian was starting to wonder what was taking the nurse so long himself.

-Shawn-

I hadn't been able to focus all day, it was my first day back after being away at a two week trauma conference,and also the first time I would be able to see Auburn and the baby since she was meeting me at work. I sighed as I tried yet again to focus on the swirling numbers of the department's budget on the screen in front of me.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a knock.  "Dr. Mendes you're needed down in triage. Urgently." A nurse spoke,making me stand and follow her immediately.

-Third Person-

"He's on his way now hon, but we really should get you up to x-rays okay." Dave spoke, going to start moving the bed.

"Not not until Shawn is here," she begged, catching his hand and stopping him. Seconds later, and Shawn ran through the door, eyes wide as he took in the site of me.

"Auburn, baby,what happend?" he asked, leaning down and gently stroking her head, careful of the cut.

"They didn't stop!A car!" She cried a fresh batch of tears starting.

Shawn was pretty calm considering the situation, Auburn however was not, Brian could see from the monitor that her heart rate was spiking and he tipped his head to Shawn, indicating for him to do something.

"Try and slow your breathing honey," he encouraged softly as it spiked to about 130 when it had previously been sitting about 110. She managed to slow it a little, Shawn not saying anything,  merely cupping her face gently and kissing her head.

"Shawn, " Daves spoke,  "we really need to get her to x-ray. She has broken ribs, we need to determine how bad."

"No, no x-ray," she interrupted again.

"Sweetheart, you'll be fine,  I promise. " he spoke,  stroking her hand softly.

"It's not that." She answered, looking away.

"Then what?" Dave asked looking to Shawn.

"I'm pregnant," she whispered. "We found out two weeks ago. We wanted to keep it a surprise."

"Someone get Connor down here," Shawn ordered almost too calmly.

Dave and Brian shared a worried look, if she was pregnant,  there was a possibility that something may have effected the baby.

"Page Connor." Dave mumbled to Brian.

"I've already done it ,he's on his way." Briam tried to reassure him, hoping that he would calm a little at the fact that the best ObGyn was going to be consulting.

"No what if something's wrong? " Auburnpanicked,  catching on.

"Auburn you need the ultrasound," Shawn spoke firmly.

Her lip wobbled a little causing Shawn to soften his tone a little.  "I'm sorry babe,  I'm just worried about you. And you need the x-rays," he added.

"Auburn, you need to understand that while normally we wouldn't use x-ray, in this instance it's important,  we won't have a healthy baby,  unless it's mummy is healthy too yeah? " Dave explained gently.

  "O-okay," she agreed reluctantly.

"I think we can however forgo the CT, given that you've been alert the whole time. " Brian spoke earning a smile from her.

"But you won't be allowed to sleep for the next few hours and even once you can we'll need to wake you every hour, on the hour," Dave warned.

Just as we were about to start moving up to radiology having unhooked the bed Connor arrived.

"Sorry I came down as fast as I could," he apologised "Hi Auburn," he smiled as he came over to the side of the bed.

"So you found out you were pregnant two weeks ago?" he asked. She nodded.  "And everything has been normal so far? No bleeding?

"

"No." She answered, nervously, causing Shawn to squeeze her hand a little.

"Okay then, I'm just going to pull your gown up."  he did so before reaching for the gel. That was housed next to the portable ultrasound machine that we always kept in the triage bays. They were smaller, and less powerful, but still useful in situations like this. "This will be a little cold," he spoke before placing the gel on her stomach. The room was silent, everyone waiting with baited breath, Auburn with her eyes shut. Connor hit a button on the machine and the room was filled with a rhythmic thumping.

"What's that?" her eyes snapping open to met his.

"Congratulations Auburn, that is your baby's heart beat. Junior seems very happy,  very strong heart rate at 150 beats per minute." Connor smiled. 

" Oh my God!" she cried reaching up to hug Shawn, before sharing a kiss.

"Judging by the size, bubby's just gone 12 weeks," Connor added, pointing out the measurements on the screen.

Everyone's faces were the same- all smiling from ear to ear.

"Do you want a copy of the scan?" Connor asked.

"Hell yeah!" Shawn agreed making Leah laugh. "This is going on the fridge."

Twenty minutes later, and we had all gone down to radiology, Shawn not having left her side. A permanent smile etched on his face.

"Just stay still for me Auburn." Dave asked,adjusting her leg to get the right image.

Once that was done, and it was determined that nothing needed surgery she was taken back up to a more private room, and Dave set about casting her.

"This will feel a little funny, but it won't hurt now." He reassured her as she became a little fidgety,  giving her some laughing gas and upping her pain meds slightly.

It was then Brian's turn to stitch up the wounds on her head, something which should have been very straight forward, but she was terrified,  having all but jumped (or gotten as far,which wasn't very) into Shawn's arms.

"It won't hurt Princess, Brian will numb you up good okay?" he spoke, sitting next to her, while Brian sat on a rolly chair by her head, Dave next to Shawn.

"Ready?"

She nodded.

"You're being so brave Princess," Shawn encouraged as she clung to his hand.

"Have you thought of any names for the baby?" Connor asked from where he sat in the corner working, having left briefly while they were at radiology and then returned, wanting to be here for support. Something which Shawn was grateful for.

...

An hour later and they were officially off shift, but  had all taken up residency in Auburn's room,  wanting to keep an eye on her, as she was a part of the family. They all sat quietly doing paper work,  as she rested, fast asleep now that we have deemed it safe.

"How are you feeling Shawn?" Brian asked, looking up to find Shawn watching her.

"I don't know, I have never felt so many emotions in one day!" he laughed, before Auburn broke the silence with a small moan.

" I'm cold," she mumbled,  "And sore," she added, visibly shivering.

"Here,  budge up." Shane spoke, helping her to move over,  before getting into the small bed again.

Connor got up to adjust the pain meds and check her vitals. However she didn't settle.  "What's wrong Poppet?" Shawn asked. Sometimes the meds could make patients a little agitated.

"I want to have a bath,  I feel gross,  and you smell different. " she grumbled,  her nose wrinkling. Shawn looked up at Connor and Brian,all laughing.

"How much of the stuff did you give her?

"

"I'm serious." she pouted, swotting Shawn's shoulder. "I don't like the smell of the scrubs. It doesn't smell like you."

"How 'bout this?" he asked bending down to reach for his bag, and grabbing a hoodie.

"Much better," she spoke,  nuzzling her head into him.

"Now I'll help give you a pat down with a cloth if you want?" he offered. You can't really have a proper bath yet cause of all the wiring and your cast."

She nodded

"Just sit up slowly okay. You might feel a little dizzy." Brian warned, standing up to help too.

  Connor went ahead to start the water for her while Dave came to help move the wiring as they supported her to hop to the bathroom. Eventually Shawn just picked her up,being extra careful of her ribs, holding her under her shoulders instead,and cradling her somewhat like an infant.

Half hour later, and Shawn had successful sponge bathed her, the rest of the group having gone back to their work while they waited.

"Get some rest Princess,you've got a little piece of art growing in there, you and Jellybean need it, he whispered as he placed her back in bed, rubbing her stomach softly.

"Love you," she whispered, already half asleep.

"Love you more," he replied kissing her head, they all shared a smile, because at that moment, all was right with the world.

[neo-culture-mafia]

IV. Sorry, My Dear

⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️⚠️

The following story contains themes of suicidal thoughts and addiction. Please do not read if you find these themes triggering in any way. Read this post before reading this piece of FICTION

Have you heard the story of the guy,

Who decided not to die?

"Another day at the office...another day in hell." Jae mumbled to himself. The black lettering seemed never ending as he moved page after page.

Everyone was long gone and he was left with his thoughts that reflected the current state of his desk: scattered and full on unwanted words.

"Come on, Jae. Let's go get drinks with Boss." Jae had mimicked the voices of the other associates that worked in the office today. "No. I'm good. Got to finish this work. Beep-boop-boop." He moved his arms in a robot-like fashion.

"Look at me. Working me life away. Jaehyun. That's my name." He moved the papers in random places. This would be Jae's 4th breakdown this week where he needed to tell himself to hold on until tomorrow.

Johnnny looked on in concern from behind the entrance wall. "No good, Jaehyun. Don't wear it out." Jae's hands waves over his head in a dramatic fashion as he pushed himself around in his wheeled office chair.

It wasn't until Johnny saw Jae's hands form into a gun shape that he intervened in the middle of his best friend's scary emotional outburst.

"Jae! There you are!" He rushed over and punched his friend's arm. The look in Jaehyun's eyes made Johnny uneasy. It looked like he had been caught which made him break more. "You almost finished? I wanted to catch a movie with you and maybe have a hangout night," Jae was taken aback by the energy outburst at 2 am.

He could only look at Johnny's excited face from where he sat in his chair, strands of hair obstructing only pieces of his vision. "I got the new Call of Duty and PubG for the console." Johnny's hands rummaged in his pockets till he pulled out his phone, his eyebrows wiggling fiercely. "It's only...2:17. We got all the time in the world."

Johnny picked up Jae's suit jacket that was thrown over the cubicle wall and the younger boy's heavy bag. "I'll drive." Johnny pulled Jae up and turned off his lamp.

They were in the darkness of the office and Jae was still shocked that he was caught before he got worse.

"What do you wanna eat? Steak? McDonald's? Junk food?" Johnny's rambling was tuned out of Jae's mind. He followed the taller man willingly down and out of the office building and to his familiar car.

"Uh...doesn't matter." Was the first thing that came out of Jaehyun's mouth. "Then we'll get everything." Johnny's laugh made Jae's heart swell with hope for the first time in weeks.

'Maybe next time,' he thought, 'I'll hang out with Johnny one last time.'

The car ride was filled with laughter and being in the cold air surrounding the both of them.

Johnny still wonders to this day what would've happened if he didn't walk in the time he did. He had been called to pick up the paperwork from Jae's desk but was met with a sad reality.

Jaehyun wanted to escape reality.

Just kill me in my sleep,

Smother me with pillows and kindness, in which I have never seen

This was it...this was the day. He's written the letters and found a place to go calmly. He was in a euphoric sense that nothing really mattered anymore.

He had been on cloud 9 all week as he's happily been overworked and no one ever asked how he had been doing.

Right now, he was just driving. Driving to take in his home city one last time.

The sun was setting when he came to Han River Park. The clusters of happy people congregated in small bursts of happiness and 'its okay' and 'everything will be alright's.

He parked and stood at the grass's edge. He took deep breaths as the air swept across his body calmly. "Everything is so beautiful." He whispered to himself as he watched the birds dance across the water with such grace.

The lump in his throat that made it home was beginning to ache. Yet, he swallowed his pride and continued looking over the people who would continue their own story's even after his had reached the end. The credits would roll and everyone would walk away from the theater without a second thought.

"I mean. I get that's it's pretty. But I haven't seen someone cry at the scenery since my last romance movie." He was snapped out of reality to see a girl standing next to him.

"Excuse me?" Was all he could manage to get out.

You chuckled, sticking your hand out. "Y/n." You introduced yourself and he was trying to not shake your hand, look the other way, and leave without another word being exchanged.

"Jaehyun." His actions spoke for him as he reached his hand out to meet yours. Your hand was soft and warm in his. A warmness and calm he hasn't felt in a while.

"I'm gonna go get some ice cream. Wanna come?" You barely knew him and we're asking him to accompany you to a sweet treat. "You don't know me." Jae got defensive, his arms crossing over his chest.

"I could be a murderer and you invited me for ice cream?" His questions had your face turn up. "Well I'm sure that murderers like ice cream too. So let's go." You grabbed his arm and pulled him down the long stretch of concrete. You walked and tried to match your steps with his long strides. Your arm cutely wrapped around his as you walked.

"So tell me about yourself, Mr. Jaehyun."

He figured living was just easier than falling really high

"We need to clean." You whined while rolling around in the vast bed full of messed up sheets and a relaxing Jaehyun. "Not now. I just wanna cuddle." He grabbed your body and held you close.

"No. We've been cuddling all day. We need to clean." You got up and pulling at his hands. "You can clean the closet and I can clean the rest of the room. Then cuddles." You reasoned and he groaned as he got up, giving into your wishes.

"Fine." He automatically sat on the ground and opened your shared closet doors.

"I'll be tidying up around here." You ruffled his hair and kissed the top of his head sweetly. "If you need anything just shout." He called as you exited the room to probably start on the kitchen.

Box after box of paperwork and more paperwork from the last 10 years of working in his like of work.

Your singing could be heard through your house as you comedically sang some of the greatest hits. His laughter broke through the apartment when your own voice shook with laughs.

He came upon some photo books with Polaroids of you and him. The last 2 years had been lived in a heaven like state. He hadn't touched alcohol and drugs like he was earlier in his life...before you changed him.

His physical and mental growth were apparent in the pictures as he flipped through the pages. Your hand drawn hearts and small journal entries under some photos had his heart beating rapidly with joy.

He put the book next to his side to look at later with you. His hand came across an unmarked cardboard photo box that had a thin layer of dust on it.

He jiggled the lid off and was met with envelopes. The letters. His notes to his bosses and his friends apologizing for what he was about to do.

Apologizing for the mess they were going to have to clean up in his apartment and in the office where his files would never be filed. Apologizing for giving up so easily and not serving out the rest of his life like he had sworn. Apologizing for not being strong enough to ask for help when he really tried to make it obvious. Apologizing to whoever had to find him after it was all said and done.

Apologizing for not saying goodbye.

"Hey. Do we have any tile cle- oooo letters. Who are they to?" Your voice had made Jae jump like when Johnny caught him that dark night in the office. Like he was caught doing and thinking stuff he shouldn't be.

"No one. Me. In 50 years. Y'know," he shrugged, tossing them back in the box and throwing them in the closet and standing up quickly, "time capsule thing me and the guys did." He shrugged it off and you could only nod.

"Well that's cool. Can't wait to see how you've grown." Your smile had his own lips mimicking in want. Wanting to have your blissful ignorance of what those letters really were.

"Oh yeah. Do we have any more tile cleaner?" You asked and he lead you out to the closet where he scowered the top shelves in search for the cleaning supply.

"You can have it. For a kiss." He held it above his head. You waste no time in kissing his cheek and pulling on his arm till you grabbed the cleaner and ran. His laughs chased your own as you both wrestled for a while.

Both of you laid on the living room carpet, just enjoying the close presence.

His heart was at peace.

I'm okay,

I'm okay,

I feel a little bit sick

You had began to notice how Jae had been getting more dull. A year had passed since the night you pointed out the letters. It began to go all down hill from there.

He gave you the same love and affection he usually did, but his eyes held no emotion to big events outside. Alcohol had started to replace meals and sleep.

"Jae you need to eat." You laid a hand on his shoulder softly. "I'm actually going to go grab a drink with some of the boys." And like that. He was out of the apartment. Yet, everytime he came stumbling in the front door with a stench that could repel nuclear waste, you nurses him into bed. Setting an aspirin and water next to his head. Most nights didn't wrap up until 4 am when you knew he was home safe.

You slept with your arms wrapped strongly around his body, afraid he would try to get up and leave to drink again without you noticing.

Mornings would be a rough time as you awoke to a sick Jaehyun who couldn't tell left from right. You were there were comforting words and endless services if bet only asked.

His guilt ate at his chest till there was a free falling feeling that would cease when he took his first shot.

He knew he was getting bad again. He knew he needed to get help but everytime he woke up to face an aspirin and a cool glass of water, the guilt made him drink even more the next night.

He sometimes wished you would leave him to make this easier on you. He wished you would fall out of love and go to bed before he got home.

He wished you didn't introduce yourself in the first place.

But have you heard,

The story of the guy who decided not to die?

Jaehyun got clean again. He started being more present in reality and eventually returned to normal. Sometimes he did get carried away with the alcohol but you were there to help him put down the bottle.

He started openly hanging out with his friends in large gatherings where he didn't mind starting the conversation. He got addicted on life again.

You were all out on a big dinner. You and the other women of the mafia men gathered in the social room while Jae and his closest friends talked and joked around in the parlor.

"Want another drink?" Mark asked as he nudged Jae's elbow. "No I'm okay. I hit my limit for the night."

His friends were the most supportive people that he originally thought wouldn't be. Once be reached his limit, they all switched to fruity drinks followed by water. "So I need your guys' help with something." Jae smiled, taking the blue chalk and rubbing it on the worn end of the billiard's stick.

"What's up, dude?" Johnny asked and all the boys tuned into Jaehyun and his request. "I want to propose to y/n." He said and the room automatically erupted in shouts and cheers. "Sssshhhh." He tried to shush everyone. They remembered the presence of the women in the building and quickly shut up.

"Y/n said she wanted a wedding in the flower fields about.." Jae recalled the previous conversation he had with you. "2 hours from here?" He said and Hyuck automatically knew which ones he was talking about. "It's going to have to be a spring wedding!" He said excitedly and grabbing a pad of paper and a pen from his pocket.

"Alright, lover boy, spill." He said knocking all of the pool balls out of the way, "hey we were playing!" Doyoung protested and Hyuck could only write down the location of the fields, "I'm helping our brother get a wife. Go play with your balls somewhere else." He back handed which caused the room to erupt in laughter.

"Okay. Now. I'm going to need time to get the catering. I'm thinking pork," Hyuck rambled writing down the possible ideas, "or is she more of a chicken person?" he continued which caused some of the boys to chuckle at the wedding-excited nature no one knew Hyuck possessed in himself.

"Also I need to find a cake. I would make it myself but we all know that these beautiful hands would be wrinkly by the time I'm done icing cake for 500 people-" "500?!" Jae said loudly which caused Johnny to slap a hand over his younger friends mouth. "Well duh. That's a minimum." Donghyuck shook his head, drawing a picture of what the cake needed to look like. "amateur."

"I need to get the ring first." Jae said quietly and Taeyong piped in. "Don't even worry about it. I'll take you in the morning to the jewler's to pick out the bands and diamonds. Maybe you could get an engagement ring with her birth stone then the real ring with yours and your wedding band could have hers." Taeyong started rambling ideas, Hyuck writing lightning speed on the pad of paper.

"I call doing the gifts!" Mark and Jungwoo said at the same time. "I'm nominating myself as the planner." Hyuck said writing the roles down. "I'll get the tuxes for us." Taeil nominated himself for the job with a smile. "We need to get Yuta and the rest of the boys up here!" Doyoung brought up a good point.

"Yuta will just bring baby supplies. We're not telling him until a day before the ceremony." Hyuck pointed at the boys but was met with a hit upside the head from Johnny.

"I have to find out the color palette. I'll go to Renjun and then I'll go to Jaemin for the fireworks- Jisung will be the flower girl." Donghyuck kept rattling off things he needed to get done.

"Thank you for giving me this job. I won't let you down." He finally said, laying a hand on Jaehyun's shoulder.

"Better not. It need to be perfect for her. Perfection deserves perfection." Jae said and some gagged while other coo'd at his unwithering love you for you.

The chatty hustle didn't cease as Johnny patted on Jaehyun's shoulder. "You okay?" Johnny asked with a smile on his face. Jaehyun couldn't keep the smile off of his own face. "Never better. On cloud 9." He said and Johnny's heart eased from the constant fear of Jae not being here the next day. But he didn't need to worry anymore.

"I actually need to ask you." Jae said finally putting the polished stick down on the table. "Will you be my best man?" Johnny's eyes lit up like fireworks as he brought Jae in for a manly yet friendly hug.

"I'm so proud of you, Jaehyun."

I'm enamored with the thought of seeing angels in the sky singing,

Singing, "Everything's alright."

Jaehyun proposed the next week. You both went out to an amazing and fancy moonlit dinner where you both danced and decided to start this new journey together.

Then two days after the proposal, he relapsed the worst he has ever had. Johnny found him in your guys' apartment and immediately called you and everyone who he thought he could help.

It's now present day and you can only look at Jaehyun with guilt in your eyes.

The funeral was held in the flower fields you both planned to get married in. The day was cold and dark but he had never looked so happy in his final resting place. "I'm sorry I couldn't give you the happiness you craved." You kissed his cheek before the lid was finally closed.

Now the marble had been set in place and you were alone again.

"I'm not mad. I'm jus-just so...so sorry." You wept, reaching out for him.

"I read the letter and can only ask. Why?"

The only things he had left was a damn note with the words, 'Sorry, My Dear' signing off the page as if he deemed it enough. As if his love had a capacity limit.

"I'm sorry you-you thought I was going to leave you if you told me you were so un-unhappy with life." Your stuttering didn't come to a stop as you could only imagine tears streaming down his own cheeks wherever he was in the universe. The feeling of being ashamed sent you reeling down where you had to support yourself on your knees.

The silent sobs hurt your chest as you had this free falling feeling in your chest getting more deeper. It was as if someone was pounding your chest with a drum mallot. Your heart was breaking as you felt a hand on your shoulder. Yet, you knew no one was there.

"You promised me forever." Your voice was shaky as you brushed the stray pieces of grass away from the marble in the ground.

'Jaehyun. Found happiness in where ours couldn't reach.'

"And I promise, Jae. I will love you...forever."

"And I'm so proud of you for making it this far." You whispered, fingers tracing his name on the polished marble for what felt like the millionth time.

You laid on the ground next to his resting place and looked into the vast blue sky where you imagined him reaching down to you; his soft voice that he used to sing you to sleep with carrying you with him to where you both could live happily ever after. You lifted your hands up as the tears came down.

"You did well."

[pinkpeonyprincessblog]

A Little Piece of Art

The art gallery had always been one of Shawn's favourite places, he loved the colours, the textures, even the smell of the freshly painted canvases.

During his residency year of Emergency Medicine this love, had become something more, something sacred. His weekly visits to the local art galleries were the only chance he got to 'just be'. He found something so comforting in the way the colours melded together forming any number of unique patterns, the colours quietly, but boldly expressing the many emotions with fuelled the artist's work.

Maybe it was this that he connected with the most? Life as a medical resident was hectic, always ruled, by other people's, needs, wants, emotions, there never seemed to be time to address your own wants and needs. But time, at the art gallery, Shawn found, gave him an escape, a way to wonder off into a world of bright unchecked colour and vibrancy, away from the harsh unrelenting realities of people's all too often life-threatening and life-changing injuries, away from everything an everyone. Well everyone except one person that was.

He'd first met Auburn three years ago, it was a chance encounter, he wasn't meant to walk into that particular little gallery , and she wasn't meant to working that day, but as fate had it she was and he did.

They'd striked up a friendship fairly quickly, a mutual interest and respect for the works of art and the artist's behind them fuelled many hours of conversation. There had always been an unspoken, but undeniable chemistry between the two of them, but Shawn was busy with work and didn't want to drag someone else into that mess, and Auburn was just too shy to ask

When Shawn found out that Auburn was single, he was shocked. She was gorgeous, with long platinum blonde straight hair and the perfect figure, yet up close she had just the right amount of freckles scattered over the bridge of her nose, breaking the facade of perfection.

Auburn had been equally as confused when Shawn admitted that he too was single. She could understand the reasoning behind it, with a busy job and other commitments including a family that lived out of state, she couldn't however get over, but Shawn was gorgeous like some Greek God doctor-model who had just made his way from the runway and into her gallery. He was tall and lean, but muscular with tattoos scattering his hands and arms, deep brown eyes which seemed to reach your soul with the barest glace and a mop of perfectly kept brown curls- always tamed by hair product which Auburn longed to run her fingers through.

Two years and much flirting later and Shawn had finally gotten up the courage to ask her out l, to which she immediately agreed. He'd taken her to one of his favourite restaurants for dinner and they're talked for hours as if they'd known one another for a lifetime. Shawn told her about his hobbies, medicine was number one for which Auburn admired him for following his passions, closely followed by the guitar and ice hockey, not to mention family, he loved his family, Auburn found this to be an immediate turn-on as she too was close to her family although she couldn't get to see them as often as she liked l, they were across country and an art gallerist's wages certainly did not cover the cost of the ticket.

She found herself telling him all her most embarrassing stories from grade school when she's tripped and fallen into a muddy puddle bigger than she was in front of her entire class, and all about the time she'd been left to sit outside the movie theatre in 8th grade for two hours waiting for a date that would never show.

Shawn was furious at this, exclaiming that he would never do that to a girl, and anyone who would, was a coward, before downing the rest of his Tequila.

Admittedly by then they were both a little drunk and high on life and the presence of each other

When the evening ended Shawn walked Auburn home like the gentleman he was,turning to leave her and she made it to the doorstep, but something in him made him turn around causing him to crash into her body with the force of a truck as she too made her way to him. The two sharing a heated kiss before Auburn turned head down to hide the raging blush and wide smile that lit up her face and made her way inside.

From that moment the two had been inseperable, with Auburn moving into Shawn's condo- a far cry from the crusty old place she'd rented when she first got the city.

They'd done the whole meeting each other's families, both feeling completely at home and welcome, before a year later getting the happy news that they were expecting.

Auburn had been feeling off for over a week when Shawn finally convinced her to go to the doctors and get a blood drawn, a million things flying through his head as to what it might be.

The pregnancy news had completely shocked them both, but as they had sat there together staring down at the piece of paper stating the cause of all her sickness, irritability and hunger there was no denying that it was right.

They were over the moon, elated at the idea of being parents with Shawn referring to the baby as he laid his hands on her stomach as "Their happy little ancient!"

To say that Shawn was protective was an understatement a helicopter parent (to be) might be more apt Auburn thought as Shawn handed her what fleet like her tens of pills as she ate her breakfast before rushing from the room only half dressed to finish getting ready for work which now that he was finished residency (and at the top of his class, which Auburn loved to brag to her friends about) was a local hospital where he was working.

...

The day started normally, Auburn went off to the gallery to start her day l, daydreaming of seeing Shawn who'd been away on training for the last little bit.

Somewhere in this perfect daydream, everything came crashing down. The last thing Auburn was aware of was the screech of tyres and the immense, unstoppable feeling of pain.

...

"Dr Craigen,we need you in triage one." Brian's nurse Amy spoke as she came skidding into the room.

"Can it wait?"  He asked looking up briefly from the hand of a young girl he was suturing after she was bitten by a dog.

"No, it can't." He could hear the tension in her voice,  so he stood removing his gloves,  and paging another doctor to take care of the girl before following her out.

"What is it? Who?"  He asked as Amy all but ran through the corridor. His question was cut short as they reached the bay in question.

"Just stay still! For God sake, you don't have a choice." He couldn't see the patient's face from outside the door,  but he could see that two nurses and an intern were currently trying to restrain her,  against her will.

"What on earth do you think youre doing Doctor Tanaran?"  Brian asked as he grabbed a pair of gloves and stepped into the room. The intern stepped back from the patient, turning to look at him.

"We need to get an I.V. in her,  but she's not cooperating," he responded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Brian?" The person on the bed asked. He recognised the voice immediately and sure enough as he stepped around to the other side of the bed,  there lay Auburn  a close personal friend, someone who he considered to be like a sister, and the girlfriend of one of his best friends, Dr. Shawn Mendes.

She was almost unrecognisable, bloodied,  and bruised,  tears flooding her face and falling into the linen of the bed staining it a muddy brown as they mixed with the blood flowing from a nasty looking gash on her head,  an oxygen mask laying forgotten beside her.

"Auburn?" he asked finally making eye contact, before looking up to find that she had not even been attached to any monitors yet.

"Everyone get your hands off the patient, now."  he stared poignantly at the intern that who still had his hands on her.

"She just wouldn't cooperate." he grumbled as he stepped back.

Brian saw red at that, turning to glare before speaking.

"Have you thought about why the patient might be uncooperative?  Have you even bothered to ask?"  I questioned folding my arms across my chest.

He looked down at the floor,  but didn't answer. "Didn't think so.  So not only have you terrified an already distressed patient,  but you've assaulted the girlfriend of Dr. Shawn Mendes,  head of this ER."

His head snapped up at this,  a look of shear panic on his face.

"Dr. Craigen I didn't think-"

"That's right,"  he interrupted.  "The same way you haven't thought the three other times I've had to speak to you over the duration of your time here so far.

Get out of this room,  and go and tell your resident that I don't want you on my service anymore.  Oh and Tanaran," Brian called as the man made his way for the exit.  "If I ever see or hear you do something like that ever again,  I will personally make sure you're pulled from this program."

He sighed and turned around to see Auburn smiling softly.

"Thanks Bri"  she spoke softly, very dazed,reaching her hand out for him to take. Somewhat restricted by the board and collar she had been placed on for spinal management.

"No problem hon. He's got an attitude that one.

So I'm just going to start slowly okay.  I'm just going to hook you up to some monitors so that we can check you're heart rate, blood pressure and oxygen. Can I see the chart please? " he asked one of the nurses that was stood meekly in the corner.

"Yes Doctor," she responded before leaving and returning a minute later with the relevant information.

"Okay so it says here,  that apart from that gash on your forehead and a fracture to your arm you have  some fractured ribs, a suspected bruised spleen and a dislocated ankle as well as possible spinal injuries," he listed off as he took in the notes from the Emergency Services.

"They only got half way through checking her." the other nurse  responded. Brian nodded, before placing the chart in the holder at the end of the bed,  and returning to Auburn's side. He picked up her hand gently to check her pulse,  watching as her eyes fluttered,  drooping slightly.

"Auburn, I need you to try and stay awake for me," he spoke, tapping her check softly, moving to check her focal response with his pen light and finding that she had a fairly moderate concussion.

She let out a small groan,  but managed to open her eyes, watching me tiredly.

"That's it," he praised. " smiling before grabbing his stethoscope from around his neck and resting it to her chest.

"Deep breathes," he asked quietly. She did as asked, but it was obvious from the way she was wincing every time she inhaled that she was in pain.

"It hurts and I want Shawn." she cried.

"I know you do hon. We'll get him here soon," he promised, paging one of his nurses to go and find him.

"How bad is your pain one to ten?' he asked,  watching her closely.

"Eight " she answered.

"Okay I'm going to help ease some of that okay. " he spoke resting the I.V.tray that the previous doctor had set up next to the bed.

"Tell me what you remember? " he asked, trying to keep her talking.

"I was just crossing the street,  and a car came out of nowhere. I don't know what happend. I was coming to see Shawn." she added.

"I'm sorry Auburn. " He really did feel sorry for her,  not only as a doctor, but as a friend.  She and Shawn had barely gotten to see one another the last few weeks, and now this. 

"They didn't even stop to help me! " She cried, more tears trailing down her face. He felt so sorry for her, and sick at the thought of how Shawn might react. He just hoped Shawn was able to stay calm,  for both of their sakes.

"Small scratch." he warned, inserting the line, and getting her started on some much needed fluids and pain relief. She flinched a little,  but didn't pull away. "Okay, so I'm going to get Dave to come and  help me with a spinal exam,  and he should also be able to determine if we need x-rays for these breaks okay" he explained gently,trying not to scare her.

She looked worried at the mention of x-rays,  but he just assumed it was due to her being clastrophobic,  as she didn't say anymore on the subject.

He walked out of the room, quietly closing the door after me, and made my way to the nurses station where I found Dave helping a nurse. As an Orthopedic doctor he was often called down for consults, so it was common to find him here.

"Dave, do you mind helping me for a second mate?" he asked, before coming to stand next to him waiting as he finished his conversation.

"Yeah what is it?" he asked as Brian handed him Auburn's chart.

"Auburn?" He asked disbelief clear in his tone,  eyebrows raised in confusion. "Auburn as in Shawn's Auburn.What happend?

"

"Hit and run." he answered. Causing Dave to wince in sympathy. "They didn't even stop!"

"Has anyone gotten a hold of Shawn?" He asked, shaking his head as they made their way to the door of Auburn's room.

"Yeah, but she's quite distressed obviously,  so I'm just taking it really slowly. At least until Shawn gets here, unless something is absolutely vital," he told him. Dave nodded before opening the door, and greeting Auburn with a bright smile.

"Hi Auburn, Bri told me you got in a fight with a car?" He asked, causing her to smile faintly.

"What have we got so far?" he asked.

"Large laceration on the forehead and a fracture to the left  arm, some fractured ribs, a suspected bruised spleen and a dislocated right ankle as well as possible spinal injuries, she is also complaining of chest pain." Brian added as he hummed at the growing list of ailments.

"Auburn are you having any trouble breathing? " he asked, she nodded letting him listen to her breathing as Brian had. The room was quiet for a few moments except for the beeping of the machines as he moved the stethoscope around her chest, before stepping back with a sigh.

"Slightly muffled left side," he agreed, glancing to the monitors,  a look of concern on his face.

"It'll need to get an x-ray,  and maybe an ultrasound." Brian nodded, adding,

"I'd also like to get some CTs of the head just to be sure there is no underlying bleeding. Is it okay if we give you some oxygen?" he asked wanting to up her saturation, especially given her breathing troubles.

She made a small jerk of the head in the affirmative,  allowing him to place the mask that had lay beside her back on her face.

"Any other pain?" Dave asked lifting the blanket to assess the damage to her lower extremities, she took a few shaky breaths.

"Just my ankle."

" Okay,we just need to turn you and have a feel of your spine. Before we do, anything else, as we don't want to aggregate anything." Dave explained coming back to stand at the head of the bed. "All you need to tell me is if you feel anything sore."

She hummed in resonse,  unable to nod due to the collar.

"On three, one,two,three. " Brian spoke before rolling her and holding her steady.

"Any tenderness?" Dave asked as he made his way down her spine, gently feeling for abnormalities.

"No." she answered innnediately.

"Wiggled your toes for me?" he asked as he went to stand by the end of the bed again. She did so,  causing them both to breathe a sigh of relief.

Five minutes later and Dave l had decided that x- rays were necessary, due to the precarious nature of the fractures in her arm and ankle and that the fractured ribs did need further investigation, however that no spinal damage had been done,  meaning she could be removed from the collar and brace.

"Where's Shawn?"  She asked, again as they went about removing the neck brace. Brian was starting to wonder what was taking the nurse so long himself.

-Shawn-

I hadn't been able to focus all day, it was my first day back after being away at a two week trauma conference,and also the first time I would be able to see Auburn and the baby since she was meeting me at work. I sighed as I tried yet again to focus on the swirling numbers of the department's budget on the screen in front of me.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a knock.  "Dr. Mendes you're needed down in triage. Urgently." A nurse spoke,making me stand and follow her immediately.

-Third Person-

"He's on his way now hon, but we really should get you up to x-rays okay." Dave spoke, going to start moving the bed.

"Not not until Shawn is here," she begged, catching his hand and stopping him. Seconds later, and Shawn ran through the door, eyes wide as he took in the site of me.

"Auburn, baby,what happend?" he asked, leaning down and gently stroking her head, careful of the cut.

"They didn't stop!A car!" She cried a fresh batch of tears starting.

Shawn was pretty calm considering the situation, Auburn however was not, Brian could see from the monitor that her heart rate was spiking and he tipped his head to Shawn, indicating for him to do something.

"Try and slow your breathing honey," he encouraged softly as it spiked to about 130 when it had previously been sitting about 110. She managed to slow it a little, Shawn not saying anything,  merely cupping her face gently and kissing her head.

"Shawn, " Daves spoke,  "we really need to get her to x-ray. She has broken ribs, we need to determine how bad."

"No, no x-ray," she interrupted again.

"Sweetheart, you'll be fine,  I promise. " he spoke,  stroking her hand softly.

"It's not that." She answered, looking away.

"Then what?" Dave asked looking to Shawn.

"I'm pregnant," she whispered. "We found out two weeks ago. We wanted to keep it a surprise."

"Someone get Connor down here," Shawn ordered almost too calmly.

Dave and Brian shared a worried look, if she was pregnant,  there was a possibility that something may have effected the baby.

"Page Connor." Dave mumbled to Brian.

"I've already done it ,he's on his way." Briam tried to reassure him, hoping that he would calm a little at the fact that the best ObGyn was going to be consulting.

"No what if something's wrong? " Auburnpanicked,  catching on.

"Auburn you need the ultrasound," Shawn spoke firmly.

Her lip wobbled a little causing Shawn to soften his tone a little.  "I'm sorry babe,  I'm just worried about you. And you need the x-rays," he added.

"Auburn, you need to understand that while normally we wouldn't use x-ray, in this instance it's important,  we won't have a healthy baby,  unless it's mummy is healthy too yeah? " Dave explained gently.

  "O-okay," she agreed reluctantly.

"I think we can however forgo the CT, given that you've been alert the whole time. " Brian spoke earning a smile from her.

"But you won't be allowed to sleep for the next few hours and even once you can we'll need to wake you every hour, on the hour," Dave warned.

Just as we were about to start moving up to radiology having unhooked the bed Connor arrived.

"Sorry I came down as fast as I could," he apologised "Hi Auburn," he smiled as he came over to the side of the bed.

"So you found out you were pregnant two weeks ago?" he asked. She nodded.  "And everything has been normal so far? No bleeding?

"

"No." She answered, nervously, causing Shawn to squeeze her hand a little.

"Okay then, I'm just going to pull your gown up."  he did so before reaching for the gel. That was housed next to the portable ultrasound machine that we always kept in the triage bays. They were smaller, and less powerful, but still useful in situations like this. "This will be a little cold," he spoke before placing the gel on her stomach. The room was silent, everyone waiting with baited breath, Auburn with her eyes shut. Connor hit a button on the machine and the room was filled with a rhythmic thumping.

"What's that?" her eyes snapping open to met his.

"Congratulations Auburn, that is your baby's heart beat. Junior seems very happy,  very strong heart rate at 150 beats per minute." Connor smiled. 

" Oh my God!" she cried reaching up to hug Shawn,  before sharing a kiss.

"Judging by the size, bubby's just gone 12 weeks," Connor added, pointing out the measurements on the screen.

Everyone's faces were the same- all smiling from ear to ear.

"Do you want a copy of the scan?" Connor asked.

"Hell yeah!" Shawn agreed making Leah laugh. "This is going on the fridge."

Twenty minutes later, and we had all gone down to radiology, Shawn not having left her side. A permanent smile etched on his face.

"Just stay still for me Auburn." Dave asked,adjusting her leg to get the right image.

Once that was done, and it was determined that nothing needed surgery she was taken back up to a more private room, and Dave set about casting her.

"This will feel a little funny, but it won't hurt now." He reassured her as she became a little fidgety,  giving her some laughing gas and upping her pain meds slightly.

It was then Brian's turn to stitch up the wounds on her head, something which should have been very straight forward, but she was terrified,  having all but jumped (or gotten as far,which wasn't very) into Shawn's arms.

"It won't hurt Princess, Brian will numb you up good okay?" he spoke, sitting next to her, while Brian sat on a rolly chair by her head, Dave next to Shawn.

"Ready?"

She nodded.

"You're being so brave Princess," Shawn encouraged as she clung to his hand.

"Have you thought of any names for the baby?" Connor asked from where he sat in the corner working, having left briefly while they were at radiology and then returned, wanting to be here for support. Something which Shawn was grateful for.

...

An hour later and they were officially off shift, but  had all taken up residency in Auburn's room,  wanting to keep an eye on her, as she was a part of the family. They all sat quietly doing paper work,  as she rested, fast asleep now that we have deemed it safe.

"How are you feeling Shawn?" Brian asked, looking up to find Shawn watching her.

"I don't know, I have never felt so many emotions in one day!" he laughed, before Auburn broke the silence with a small moan.

" I'm cold," she mumbled,  "And sore," she added, visibly shivering.

"Here,  budge up." Shane spoke, helping her to move over,  before getting into the small bed again.

Connor got up to adjust the pain meds and check her vitals. However she didn't settle.  "What's wrong Poppet?" Shawn asked. Sometimes the meds could make patients a little agitated.

"I want to have a bath,  I feel gross,  and you smell different. " she grumbled,  her nose wrinkling. Shawn looked up at Connor and Brian,all laughing.

"How much of the stuff did you give her?

"

"I'm serious." she pouted, swotting Shawn's shoulder. "I don't like the smell of the scrubs. It doesn't smell like you."

"How 'bout this?" he asked bending down to reach for his bag, and grabbing a hoodie.

"Much better," she spoke,  nuzzling her head into him.

"Now I'll help give you a pat down with a cloth if you want?" he offered. You can't really have a proper bath yet cause of all the wiring and your cast."

She nodded

"Just sit up slowly okay. You might feel a little dizzy." Brian warned, standing up to help too.

  Connor went ahead to start the water for her while Dave came to help move the wiring as they supported her to hop to the bathroom. Eventually Shawn just picked her up,being extra careful of her ribs, holding her under her shoulders instead,and cradling her somewhat like an infant.

Half hour later, and Shawn had successful sponge bathed her, the rest of the group having gone back to their work while they waited.

"Get some rest Princess, you've got a little piece of art growing in there, you and Jellybean need it," he whispered as he placed her back in bed, rubbing her stomach softly.

"Love you," she whispered, already half asleep.

"Love you more," he replied kissing her head, they all shared a smile, because at that moment, all was right with the world.