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thebibliosphere · 3 years ago

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hello! a friend sent me your post about cirs and mcas the other day and it’s got me doing a lot of research, i’ve been sick since 2019 and was diagnosed w cirs in 2020, i’ve since hit a plateau where i’m not really improving tho and my cirs doctor doesn’t really know what to do with me until i build tolerance to a nasal spray or somehow banish more toxins from my already toxin-free room. i wanted to ask what your experience with cirs doctors was and how you figured out you were misdiagnosed? a lot of stuff around cirs is pretty sketchy but i’ve been at a point where i’ve just overlooked that :/ thank u i hope ur having a good day !!!!!

So, unfortunately, my experience sounds a lot like yours. I (skeptically and out of desperation) followed the advice of several alt-medicine doctors who believed I had CIRS and saw some improvement that ultimately hit a plateau and never really moved beyond it.

This was because some of their recommendations removed triggers from my environment that were causing my mast cells to react (scented candles, perfumes, strong chemical cleansers) as well as some high histamine foods. Gluten, for example, is a mast cell destabilizer and iirc “go gluten free!” is common CIRS advice but they never really explain why beyond some pseudo-science.

And while removing some triggers did help, they weren't doing anything else to meaningfully shore up my immune system or address the fact that mast cell dysfunction can fluctuate rapidly due to things like seasonal allergies, stress and also your own monthly hormonal cycle. (This is more common in individuals who menstruate, or those who use estrogen hormonal therapy, as estrogen can cause inflammation and act as a histamine liberator.)

I already suspected that CIRS was not my issue, but I ultimately soured on my doctors, when, like yourself, they continued to insist there was “toxins” in my environment* and I must not be following their advice properly. There was also heavy emphasis on things like essential oils and herbalism, which I knew from being a licensed practitioner of numerous holistic therapies in my 20s that they were promoting inaccurately and sometimes unsafely when they also continued to insist that my reactions to certain things were caused by “toxins” leaving my body and if I just persisted long enough, I’d see the benefit.

(As an aside, what nasal spray are they insisting you take?)

While it is true many of chronically ill people suffer from chemical sensitivities, the insistence on labelling everything a “toxin” and pushing natural alternatives to an extreme, made me nope out and continue my medical research.

A few years later, I started getting worse following a gnarly dental infection, and I began to experience slow-acting anaphylaxis which a Horrendous number of doctors misdiagnosed as panic attacks and even in one spectacular instance of medical incompetence, bipolar disorder.

By then, I had learned about and suspected that I had MCAS but was too ill to keep fighting my doctors. It wasnt until I almost died in 2019, that a new doctor panicked, threw me at seven specialits in a week and I walked away with a diagnosis of perniciois anemia, likely caused by a mast cell disorder and my body’s inability to absorb things properly.

The hematologist who saved my life referred me to an MCAS specialist who took my hand to shake, looked at how the joints moved in her grasp, and said, “this is now an Ehlers Danlos exam.”

I walked out eight hours later with a diagnosis of hEDS and “probable MCAS and undefined dysautonomia.” which is a fancy way of saying I have a genetic disorder and multiple forms of autonomic nervous system dysfunction.

Not everyone with MCAS has Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, but a lot of us do. So if you have problems with chronic pain, joint instability, hyper flexibility (muscles), hyper mobility (joints), soft and easily bruised skin, migraines or a lot of unexplained GI symptoms, it might be worth your while to check and see if EDS might be relevant to you.

The Ehlers Danlos Society has a global directory of physicians you can look up.

Its also worth noting there’s a lot of overlap between people with Autism and ADHD with Ehlers Danlos and Joint Hypermobility Disorder.

Like I said, it may or may not be relavent to you. I’m just throwing it out there in case it helps.

So yeah, that’s basically how it went for me. Two years on mast cell stabilizers and a lot of prescription supplements to combat numerous deficiencies, and my health is unrecognizable from what it was. I still have nasty flare-ups (like now), but that's just an unfortunate reality of life with the numerous conditions I have. I’ll take it any day, however, over what I was living before.

I hope this was helpful and that you find real relief soon. Take care.

______

*nb: to any long-term readers, this was before I unknowingly moved into a house with mold, which is a mast cell destabilizer.

This is partly what makes me think that some people diagnosed with CIRS actually have undiagnosed MCAS because so much of CIRS theory hinges on things like mold sensitivity and other environmental factors, though they never explain why beyond a basic “it's a toxin and toxins are inflammatory.”

#chronic health tag #mcas #long post #dental

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bitchfitch · 2 years ago

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I'm still chewing on Renard and Zephyr in the background and while I'm not any closer to having the shape of their plot i do have another series of little moments i want for them.

On a quiet day Renard comments on Zephyr's earrings, they're a lot simpler than what he would normally wear. Zephyr shrugs it off and does something he does very rarely, he tells the truth about himself. They were a gift from a friend. When he was younger he briefly apprenticed at a piercing parlor. His mentor had been the one to give him these earrings shortly after Zephyr's piercings had healed enough to swap out the jewelry. That mento had died not long after, and it was the anniversary of his death, so Zephyr wore them today in memory of him.

He told the story with the same nonchalance he used absolutely anytime conversation drifted too close to home. A very performative 'cool guy' vibe. Renard had already learned it was just a shield he kept up to prevent anyone getting too close and hurting him.

Renard didn't have any piercings, so the conversation sorta drifted in the usual direction from there. Did it hurt, does Zephyr like them, why he wanted them, does he have any other piercings, etc.

Zephyr gets a little uncomfortable having the conversation focus on him for so long so he spins it around on Renard. Would he want his ears pierced? Zephyr still has his kit and he wouldn't mind putting the old training to use.

Renard is hesitant, the whole 'super-soldier ultra fast healing' thing made it seem... challenging. Zephyr points out that that just means it won't take long to retire the piercings if he doesn't end up liking them. Renard agrees to give it a shot.

Next time they see eachother Zephyr has everything ready. Renard's pain tolerance and the fact Zephyr is using proper needles and such means it's a really quick and no fuss proceeding. Externally. Internally, Renard is learning the wonders of non-violent touch and that proximity to another person can feel good and relaxing. He's a brick of a man, not especially emotive, so Zephyr doesn't notice Renard's little revelation that he likes it when Zephyr lightly scratches his nails against his scalp or guides him to tilt his head the right way.

The fact he does like how he looks with earrings ends up being secondary. Tertiary even, after he realizes that there's no rules in the dress code about earrings beyond the fact they couldn't dangle more than an inch below the lobe. It's the most freedom he's had with his appearance in... ever.

Still, the night before he suspects he'll be seeing Zephyr again he takes them out to let the piercings heal shut overnight. He swears he had to take them out for a mission or something. He's not a good liar. Zephyr offers to do the piercings again, and Renard accepts way too fast.

It ends up being a habit. Zephyr keeps the piercing kit at their usual meeting spot instead of taking it home everytime. He points out there's other sorts of piercings he can do for Renard. It doesn't just have to be the lobe over and over again, they can try something new if hed like too. and he did. It ends up being a habit of his to 'forget' to put multiple piercings back in after a shower or smthn right before he would be seeing Zephyr again.

Zephyr isn't stupid and he knows the piercings are just Renard's way of asking for touch without going against the terms of their sorta... contract? It's complicated. Zephyr still makes a point to touch him more often, holding his hand or putting his legs up on Renard's lap, sitting closer, patting him on the shoulder, leaning on him when they were just chilling. Little things that could be overlooked and treated as platonic. And which, at that point, were platonic.

Zephyr has a little crush by that point, sure, but Renard is, in this matter, inexperienced and delicate. The crush is not something Zephyr is going to push and risk hurting Renard by making him feel like things Have to change or like Zephyr expects things from him he might not be comfortable with. It's not worth the risk when they're both happy to be just friends.

#and then Renard asks to see Zephyrs other piercings because hes heard some things about certain types of piercings #and it just escalates from there.#anyways. the inherent homoeroticism of piercing needles. thank you for your consideration

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star-butch · 6 years ago

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More Mangai Rantings

Coming off of a whopping 26 note high on my secondary toa teams post, I have more rantings about the whole storyline of the Mangai.

So for starters, WHAT THE FUCK.

Lhikan, my heart and soul, my golden sweet sweet trauma boy, has the most fucked up life out of anyone in the entire lore like his entire life is spent losing the things he cares about and watching troves of people die around him. Like, boy probably had PTSD before he even GOT to Metru Nui from the Frostelus incident, like he had one job and he failed and ran away and everyone died horribly. Thats gonna leave some psychological scars.

He then proceeds to fight A LITERAL GODDAMNED DRAGON and like, he was probably useless as fuck in that mission. Maybe running support at most, but homeboy is a specialist with fire, and this thing specifically went to a giant lava pit to gain more power. He aint gonna hurt it. They had to call in 4 ice toa, mess up the 6 toa different element comp and just cranked it up to 11. SO hes not having a great start.

Then, after he kills the dragon, someone starts MURDERING THE CIVILIAN POPULATION LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. No other villain seemed to be as careless about Matoran life. Makuta? Brainwashed and boxed em up. Piraka? Brainwashed and enslaved. Not great, but it wasn’t just straight up elaborate murders! Tuyet, I love her. She is so full of personality and spite and I want to do so much with her character. Like next to Naho, I feel like before this, Lhikan would have trusted her the most. She is smart, skilled, and good at what she does. Easily a very useful friend, and so he had to really trust her and to find out she was doing this? My boy would have been devastated. He then has to watch as the one he doesn’t trust as much has to pick sides, which has gotta be stressful. Also yes, he definitely doesn’t trust Nidihki. Dude comes from the hell peninsula of hell island where life is hell and he gets out of there, dude aint gonna be a socialite. Hes the dark side of what toa are meant to be before he even gets there and golden boy has to just trust him to do what is right in this moment, and obviously, it isnt an easy decision, because we only know he sided with likhan in one universe, all the others might have been more in line with the Toa Empire or something like that.

So Nidhiki makes the right choice, they throw tuyet in jail to IMMEDIATELY have her stolen away to NAUGHTY HELL JAIL, so like, that must have been a conversation, like none of them knew it, and last they saw her, Tuyet was about to become possibly the most powerful toa ever, with the ability to become even more powerful as time went on. So shes just... GONE... and nobody knows shit. Thats gonna be stressful.

AND THEN A WAR STARTS. Like all of this has gone down, things are going to shit, and shadow boy just decides fuck it im going downtown and invades the island. Thats gonna be a hard time on Lhikan, who now is essentially a war general. He has to run an island that does not seem particularly equipped for dealing with this kinda stuff. At this point also, we might just be getting the start of the Vakhi, so its not clone wars level, they cant just send out all these robocops to deal with the issue, at best they might still have kralhi??? but no idea. Nuparu might even still be working on the vahki when the hunters show up, just trying to crank em out. So Lhikan has now 10 toa vs dozens to hundreds of dark hunters, and thats gonna be a fight you lose. So in order to make this work, he has to arrange for Naho to sneak out, leaving them with even less defenders because also so.

Water toa right? Easily some of the most powerful, if not the most powerful toa, especially in a small island like this. Just use the water around them to suck people to the ocean floor, and I feel like while Tuyet was more of a tactical and combat specialist, naho was really focused on her elemental powers, kinda like lhikan, with his precise fire powers. So she, possibly the strongest member of the team, just leaves, and has to go find some other army in the meantime. After this goes down and she comes back, its gotta be rough i mean they were holed up in the colliseum, thats gonne be crowded and hard to deal with morale, because that place cant be that secure, its got no roof sometimes. So any hunter that can fly is gona be up there trying to make a move, and those that can dig or climb have their own ways in. So after defending this for who knows how long with 9 toa, she brings in the cavalry and messes them up, but lots of them die. like just straight up in canon on both sides they were dying. By this point, its been a hard war already, righting back from within the colliseum, and trying to get control back of the city.

Then we get the big slap in the face numero dos. Nidikhi, all ready for his glory, gets too overeager and betrays likhan and is so bad at doing so that he wins the war for the toa. He is so weak compared to what tuyet could have been like he had no sense of anything going on, no military knowledge, he was just edgy. Now he goes off and tries to sell them out and Lhikan already was able to suspect this right off the bat so he cant be too trusting at this point still, so he has probably had these doubts like what if he had been thinking about what might have happened if nidikhi had sided with tuyet this whole time. Like he probably set the bar so low that Nidihki just tripped over it not knowing it was there. So he gets that, and has a whole plan set up.

THIS IS WHERE IT COULD HAVE GOTTEN GOOD FOR HIM. SO he talks to Hakann, makes the deal to RETURN THE ONE THING HE WAS SUPPOSED TO SAVE FROM HIS FIRST BIG TRAUMA so like huge personal victory for him and hes gotta be doing pretty okay, but the issue is, hes now gotta kick nidikhi out. I dont think hed be okay doing so either, like he had totaally been trying to give the edgelord a chance, and he just throws it back in lhikans face. So he kicks him out, never to be seen again, and the war ends. Nice and easy.

AND THEN HIS BOSS GETS POSESSED. Like this boy cannot catch a break, he has fought a dragon, an impossible war, lost two teammates to betrayal, maybe more during the war, I have no idea, but they have gotta be on edge after the war at least, because they were likely split up. they were the toa with the most knowledge of the city, so they would likely all be generals, not to mention whoever was assigned to Dume’s guard, because that would also be so much stress and i feel like that was probably nahos thing after she saved the day the first time. so shes been stressed, lhikans been stressed, and then their boss starts sending all his teammates off on suicide missions. That’s just gotta destroy him. He also probably knows at this point that shit is going south, you are telling me a man who has seen this much betrayal would not instantly be on guard about this? I think if anything this might have been the hardest part for me to believe, that after being betrayed by two of his teammates who he was so willing to trust, to have dume start pulling weird shit and him not question it is hard to get. SO I think naho would have been last. Naho would have been his rock, ironically, because shes there to make sure hes still sane after the war, and shes been personally guarding dume this whole time so she trusts him more, and is persuading lhikan right up until its her turn. I have more personal head-canons about some of this but ill save that for later.

so he is alone again. team all disintegrated, boss possessed, when guess who comes a-knocking, but the horribly mutated spider version of the only person he knows is left from his team. He has this last reminder of what he had show up, and it is so warped and distorted that he has gotta be just messed up so completely by that. So he decides to do what he can, make the stones, and then take on his old teammate, and then the movie happens, he gets captured, has to teach new toa how to do their stuff, which he has no experience in and so he is getting this chance to get to be a influential part of this toa team

AND THEN HE JUST DIES. And this is real hard, because Vakama and the rest were so ready to believe he was the Heart of Metru Nui like, this is someone who you can tell all the matoran respect and know and he just dies right in front of Vakama. This hero of the city, such an integral part that he was considered its heart, is just straight up killed by getting thrown aside by a shadow hand. That is the end of his life, is he gets this chance to try to prove his worth to these toa, and then he gets killed protecting them, even as a turaga. Beyond this, he was already a legacy. The metru, when they became turaga, told all these stories about him, about the adventures he did, like they know what he did for them, and so he does live on, in Jaller, in the metru, and in the minds of all the matoran, who may know now that this legend from their stories was actually real and actually did all this stuff. No other toa team did as much as the Mangai except the mata, and they werent even normal toa, they were specifically designed to be toa like they had to be the best designs, and also got upgraded several times. Lhikan and the Mangai didn’t. they got beat down time and time again and eventually all died protecting their city or turning against it.

I will tell this story in detail, and I think that it is one that needs to be told, because it isn’t one of the main stories that ends all happy, it is a tragedy, but it is the most important and untold tragedy of the entire canon.

#bionicle #long post #bionicle ramblings #ramblings #yes this is my special interest #especially the mangai #so i can go on about this forever #and may tonight #mangai #metru nui #my post #lhikan

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wistfulcynic · 6 years ago

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Another Brick In The Wall: Chapter 8

a/n: Effusive thanks to @hollyethecurious for the artwork! I love it so much! Thanks also to everyone for reading, commenting, kudos-ing, and reblogging! I'm so pleased by the way people have been engaging with this story. Love you all xxx

Summary: Emma Swan, sheriff’s daughter, mayor’s niece, quarterback’s girlfriend, is the undisputed princess of Storybrooke High. She is smart and confident and used to getting what she wants. What she wants is Killian Jones, the new boy in school. But Killian is not easily manipulated, and reluctant to allow the dark secrets in his past to touch the girl he is rapidly falling in love with.

Rating: T

Tags for: @darkcolinodonorgasm @jennjenn615 and @resident-of-storybrooke

Chapter 8:

Killian was out of school for a week, for a “mental health break” he called it with a chuckle, apparently a term he’d gotten from Dr Hopper. He saw the psychiatrist daily during this break and spent the rest of his time at the harbour with Liam, working on their boat, reading, playing his guitar, and talking with his brother about everything that had happened.

“We’ve hashed it all out in excruciating detail,” he told Emma as they sat together in the boat’s cabin, she working on her college essays while he practiced a new song. “It’s such a relief to be able to really talk to Liam again. There was a time when we had no secrets between us. He showed me all the information he had collected on Milah and her situation. Apparently her divorce is almost finalised and next month she’s starting a job teaching English in Japan.” He smiled. “She’ll like that, a chance to travel. What she always wanted.”

“Hmmmph,” said Emma, glaring at the screen of her laptop as she typed rapidly.

“Swan,” he admonished, giving her a mock scowl as he strummed a chord at her.

Emma slammed her hands down on the keyboard. “Killian, I just don’t know how you can be so forgiving after what she did to you.”

He set the guitar aside and his expression became serious. “I have to be, don’t you see?” he asked, looking at her intently. “I can’t hold on to my anger or it will eat me alive. I didn’t even realise how angry I was until Dr Hopper helped me see it, and how by not acknowledging it, allowing myself to feel it, and then letting it go, I was only hurting myself. Besides, I did genuinely care about Milah, and I’m glad she’s finally in a place where she can be happy.”

“Hmmmmph.” Emma concentrated on deleting the gibberish she’d produced by her attack on the keyboard.

“A place that doesn’t include me,” said Killian brightly, picking up the guitar again and plucking out a cheery tune. “That’s good, isn’t it Swan?”

“I suppose so,” she grumbled. “Though I’d still prefer if the place was dark and scary and full of nettles.” He laughed heartily at that and she couldn’t hold back an answering smile. “Hey, I’m nearly done with this, will you read it over and make sure it’s okay? Just check my grammar and punctuation and stuff.”

“Of course, love, though I’m sure it’s already brilliant.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Freed from the weight of his worry and guilt, Killian gradually began to smile more easily, and his witty, teasing nature (“cheeky git,” Liam called him, his voice irritated but with a relief so profound it bordered on joy in his eyes) came more readily to the fore. When he returned to school the following Monday, he moved through the halls with a swagger that Emma had never seen on him before. Unlike the arrogant, bullying one that Neal always had Killian’s evoked a simple self-assurance that she had to concede looked really good on him. Despite how much emotional baggage he still had to work through he clearly wasn’t burdened by shame anymore, and equally clearly did not intend to take any crap from anyone.

This made itself evident that morning when he shut his locker and turned towards his first class, only to find himself confronted by Felix and Rufio.

“Really, chaps?” he said, raising an eyebrow at them. “You couldn’t even wait until after school so you could chuck me into the bins, like proper high school bullies?”

This mockery went clean over the other boys’ heads, and they continued to block his path, trying to look intimidating while also trying not to be intimidated by Killian’s calm demeanor and his amused expression.

Felix, the sligtly cleverer of the two, suspected he was being laughed at but couldn’t put his finger on why. He didn’t like it.

Bristling, he sneered at Killian. “Bet you think you’ve won,” he snarled. “Now that Neal’s in jail and out of the way. Now you can move in on Emma like you did on that—” he broke off as Killian stepped into his space. There wasn’t much difference in height between them, but somehow Felix had the impression of Killian towering over him, his face calm but his eyes darkly furious, and for once in his life he felt a stab of genuine fear.

“I’m only going to say this once,” growled Killian in the new, lower register his voice had taken on more often of late, “So you’d better listen carefully. Your mate Neal is a criminal, and not even a good one. He’s in jail because he’s stupid, and that’s nothing to do with me. I have no doubt it’s where he’d always have ended up eventually. Bit of advice: If you’re going to steal confidential information, don’t take pictures of the evidence on your phone, and definitely don’t then show those pictures to the sheriff’s daughter. Neal got what he deserved. I now consider this matter closed, and if you or anyone else—” he raised his voice so that the rapidly assmbling crowd of onlookers could all hear, “—tries to take it any further, you will not care for the repercussions.”

Felix wasn’t sure what “repercussions” were, but the hint of repressed violence in Killian’s manner made him keen not to find out. He had always been content to follow Neal, less out of respect for the other boy than a simple unwillingness to make a thing out of Neal’s belligerent insistence that he should be the one in charge, but he’d always sensed that there wasn’t much substance underneath Neal’s bluster. Killian however didn’t bluster. He simply stated facts, and Felix could tell that he was not the sort of person to make a threat he couldn’t back up with action. Perhaps it was time to step out of Neal’s shadow, thought Felix, and take over leadership of their little gang. He certainly couldn’t do a worse job of it than Neal had, and escalating a pointless conflict with a guy who looked prepared to fight dirty if necessary was much more Neal’s style than Felix’s. He nodded at Killian, and stepped back. Rufio looked surprised but followed his lead.

Killian nodded back then transferred his glare to the crowd of onlookers, which had grown considerably in the past thirty seconds and now included Emma and Ruby, he could see out of the corner of his eye. “As for what you may have heard about me,” he said, loudly enough for all to hear. “It’s all true.” He smirked for a moment as a gasp went through the crowd, then his expression hardened. “It’s also no one’s business but mine, and those in whom I choose to confide. This is all I have to say on the subject. Now, if you’ll all excuse me I don’t wish to be late for class.” He slung his satchel over his shoulder and headed down the hall, turning his head briefly to shoot Emma a wink. People moved aside to let him pass and as soon as he had turned the corner furious whispering erupted in his wake.

Ruby pursed her lips. “I may have underestimated him,” she remarked.

Emma’s heart was pounding, a familiar occurrence where Killian was concerned, but this time it felt different. She’d been worried about how he would react to the ineveitable curiosity and questions from their classmates, but this smooth handling of a potentially explosive situation instead of calming her fears instead filled her with the wild desire to run after him, to fling herself into his arms and kiss them both breathless.

“He’s just so wonderful,” she sighed, and Ruby laughed.

“Down, girl,” she teased. “I’ll grant you this one’s worth your time, unlike the douchemaster general, but remember we’re in school. No one wants to see that.”

Emma rolled her eyes and gave her friend a shove, but the butterflies continued rhumba-ing around her insides, this time accompanied by an odd, hollow sort of ache as she remembered her resolution not to pursue Killian anymore. She was now all but certain that she loved him, that beyond the hot, tingly sensation she always felt in his presence lay a profound devotion. She would do anything for him, sacrifice anything to give him what he needed, and that terrified her. For the first time in her life Emma felt vulnerable, exposed, as though her chest were torn open and her heart lain bare to the mercies of fate and one gorgeous, troubled boy. She hated it. Even knowing that Killian would never intentionally hurt her was no consolation when the truth was that he could hurt her simply by caring deeply for her as a friend. If that was all she could ever have from him she would take it, she knew, without pushing for more, but it would be a wound on her heart that would never heal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He’s a bully,” shrugged Killian at lunchtime, when Emma, this time accompanied by a very inquisitive Ruby, found him in the library. “Bullies are just cowards at their core, and cowards are easy to intimidate. He won’t do anything because he won’t want to call my bluff. I might not be able to back it up but he’ll be too scared to risk finding out.”

“And what would you have done if he had called your bluff?” inquired Ruby.

Killian shrugged again. “Probably got the shit kicked out of me.”

“Would you have, though?” Ruby pressed, watching him through narrowed eyes.

He returned her stare with a look of wide-eyed innocence. “There were two of them to only one of me. Seems inevitable.”

“Does it?” Ruby’s disbelief was almost palpable, and having fenced with Killian for months now Emma shared her friend’s suspicion that he was deliberately underplaying his fighting skills.

“Let’s hope we never have to find out,” said Killian with a small smile, in a tone of voice that made it clear he would answer no more questions on the subject. “I quite like my face arranged the way it is.”

“It is a nice face,” said Ruby with a wolfish grin that widened as Killian’s ears turned pink. “But I didn’t come here just to flatter you. Victor asked me to ask you if he could have your phone number.”

“My number?” Killian blinked in surprise.

“Yeah, there’s some concert in Portland and he doesn’t have anyone to go with and he thought you might be interested.”

“Um, sure, I guess.” Killian rattled off the number and Ruby sent Victor a text. A minute later his phone buzzed and he looked at it, snorting as he read the message. “Bit of a wanker, your boyfriend,” he remarked to Ruby.

“I don’t know what that is but I’m somehow sure that Victor is one,” smirked Ruby. “Is that gonna be a problem?”

“Not at all, I’m rather fond of wankers,” said Killian absently as he typed his reply. “My brother is one, after all.” His phone buzzed again almost instantly and he raised an eyebrow at what he read on it.

“Ems, I think maybe we should leave the boys to their chat,” said Ruby, and as much as she hated to sacrifice free time with Killian, from the way he was fixated on his phone, his expression almost gleeful as he typed rapidly, Emma had to admit she was probably right.

“Okay,” she said. “See you in class in a few minutes, Killian. And maybe hang out after school?”

“Hmmm? Oh, I have an appointment with Dr Hopper at four, but I can text you when I’m done.”

“Okay.” She smiled at him but his attention was back on his phone, so she followed Ruby out of the library trying not to feel too disgruntled. Killian should have other friends, she told herelf firmly, male ones who shared his interests. That was normal, and he could use some normal in his life right now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next few weeks, things at school settled back into a routine, albeit one that was markedly different than it had been. Neal had been officially arrested after David’s investigation, charged with burglary, theft, and theft of a medical record, and was facing up to five years in prison. His parents had put up their house as collateral to pay his bail, but weren’t allowing him to return to school.

“Not much point when he’ll just go straight back to the slammer after he’s sentenced,” said Ruby viciously. “So much for that football scholarship he was so cocky about.”

Emma tried to find some compassion for Neal and what was basically the wreck and ruin of his future, but couldn’t dredge up a single particle of it. He had committed several felonies for no other reason than to stick it to Killian for outsmarting him and for becoming her friend, and he’d committed them flagrantly and with no thought to the consequences. He’d probably thought there wouldn’t be any consequences. Killian was right: Neal deserved everything that was coming to him, if only for being so colossally, arrogantly stupid.

People still whispered about Killian as he walked through the halls but true to character he paid little attention. He did, however, gradually began to open up more and allow more of himself to show through his defences, willingly participating in classes and talking to people other than Emma and Ruby. By the time finals week arrived had actually made a few friends.

Killian reflected wryly that in a twisted sort of way Neal had done him a favour. With all his secrets now out on the open he was free to embrace the opportunity for a new life he’d found in Storybrooke. Not that there had been anything particularly wrong with the old life, at least since his father had finally left. He’d been a mean old drunk, Brennan Jones, and by the time he’d been forced to flee his creditors for good, stealing a boat from Bristol harbour and melting into the offshore underworld, his sons had been glad to see the back of him. Killian thought about what he himself had been like back then, before Milah, and even though it had only been about a year since he’d first become involved with her so much had changed both in his circumstances and in himself, he feared that hopeful, enthusiastic boy was lost forever. Who exactly had taken his place was the question Killian had asked himself daily for weeks now, and he still wasn’t sure how to answer it. He’d become so used to holding everything in, to keeping such a tight rein on his thoughts and feelings that letting them out, accepting that it was okay to express them had become almost unbelievably difficult. The only person he felt even remotely comfortable being fully himself with aside from Liam was Emma, whose support and friendship remained unwavering as he bumbled and struggled thorough the reclamation of his life, and he remained intensely grateful for it.

Only one thing about Emma troubled him-- that she no longer seemed to be interested in anything beyond his friendship. All the little hints and cues she had been giving him since they’d met were suddenly gone, and while he was relieved to be free of the added stress of constantly resisting something that part of him desperately wanted, he couldn’t help wondering if there was a darker motivation for this abrupt about-face. Perhaps, whispered an evil little voice in his head, Emma was actually more disgusted by his past than she let on and was simply too kind to tell him directly. Maybe the thought of him touching her turned her stomach now. He certainly couldn’t blame her if it did.

“What do you want from your relationship with Emma?” asked Dr Hopper one afternoon, after Killian had finally brought himself to mention the change in her behaviour. “Do you want it to be romantic?”

Killian frowned, struggling to sort through the complex tangle of his feelings about and for Emma. “I don’t want a romantic relationship with anyone,” he said finally. “I still feel too messed up for anything like that. But I— I’m still really attracted to her. I think about her all the time, about how we kissed at her party, and I want to kiss her again pretty much constantly, but then I remember Milah and how I thought I felt about her, and I just—”

“You don’t trust your judgement.”

“Yeah.”

“Killian, it’s important for you to remember that you have a much more equal relationship with Emma than you ever did with Milah.”

“Equal, with Emma?” Killian snorted. “You have met her, right?”

Dr Hopper smiled patiently. “I understand that you feel she’s beyond your reach, and that’s a separate issue, but what I mean by equal is that she’s your age and at your stage of life. With Milah you were constantly struggling to relate to her life and her experiences, and when you couldn’t you attempted to make up for that by offering her the affection and sexual attention she craved. You forced yourself to offer these things even though you didn’t genuinely feel them because you feared the consequences of not offering them. But with Emma there is no need to manufacture anything. She is placing no demands on you and therefore any attraction and affection you feel for her is genuine.”

“But what should I do about it?”

“Why should you have to do anything? You said you’re not ready for a romantic relationship, and that’s fine. Let yourself heal. The process is slow and frustrating, but believe me you are making progress. Let your feelings for Emma and your relationship with her develop at a pace that is comfortable for you. From what you’ve said it sounds like she will still be there when, if, you’re ready for more.”

“It’s more than likely she no longer wants more. And even if she did, what happens when she meets someone who isn’t so hopelessly fucked up? Then where does that leave me?”

“Why don’t you worry about that if —not when— it happens?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the last day before winter break, Emma nervously approached Killian’s locker and handed him an invitation to her parents’ annual Christmas party addressed to him and Liam.

“It’s just a thing they do every year for their friends and our neighbours,” she began to ramble as he examined the card, certain he would refuse and wanting to delay that painful moment. “My mom loves to entertain, and my dad says it’s good for building a rapport between law enforcement and the community, and—”

“Swan,” interrupted Killian, giving her that soft, indulgent look that said he knew exactly what she was thinking. “I’m sure we’d love to attend. Thank you for inviting us.”

The butterflies soared in a grand jeté, and she felt like she was flying with them. “Great,” she said trying to keep her voice calm, “I guess I’ll see you then.”

Her delighted smile made his breath catch, and his answering grin set her heart galloping. Their eyes met and held, and as the end of semester chaos whirled around them they stood a breath apart, swathed in frustrated yearning and brittle tension, the only two people in the world.

Then the final bell rang, and they leapt apart, Emma smoothing her skirt with shaking hands while Killian ran his own trembling fingers through his hair.

“So, onion rings at Granny’s?” ventured Emma, wanting to kick herself for making him nervous again, after all her resolutions, hoping desperately he wouldn’t pull away.

Killian sighed in relief, tinged with a hint of disappointment. Granny’s was safe. “Sounds perfect, love,” he said.

#cs au ff #high school au #teenage captain swan #captain duckling #lieutenant duckling #another brick in the wall #profdanglaisstuff

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holyytaehyung · 7 years ago

Text

NCT Ten as your Boyfriend

disclaimer: female reader is used -So! -Ten, -Ten, Ten, Ten - This boy would be loving, but also a little shit -but first, you have to meet the man, the myth, the legend, -and where do you meet? -a supermarket How you met -You were working as a cashier at a local supermarket -Ten was a trainee, and the boy needed food -everywhere else was closed -but since you were 24 hours -and you worked the night shift :,) ah, the student life -He ran in that door, sweaty from practice -at first you didnt take notice -but when he came up to the register with like, 18 ramen packets -you were like !!!! -he saw the surprise in your eyes -but he was mostly shocked at your beauty -hed probs stare tbh -but when he realised he was staring, and that you were looking -!flirt Ten appears -he will probably bite his lip and smirk -you laughed at him, which made him raise a brow -”sorry i just didnt expect someone carrying almost 20 boxes of ramen, to smirk and bite their lip at me.” -hed probably realise the situation and laugh too -he likes your laugh -both of you say goodbye, he carries the boxes out, but one thing he forgets is to ask for your name -realizes he could have looked at your name tag -but forgets that too -basically he offers to go get ramen for everyone every night now -only problem was, you didnt work every night -so he had to figure out your roster -After three weeks he had your roster memorized almost as well as his choreo -he would always come in and get the same thing -18 god damned packets of ramen - you began to suspect that he was coming in to see you -so you asked him -it made him shook because you were so straightforward -but he liked it -he was already so whipped for you and your soft voice -he had seen you flustered before and he wanted to see it again bc its cute - basically hed reply with a -”yes, i want to be friends” -would probs slap himself bc he wanted to be more than friends, but this was a good start. How he asked you out -it was probs out of jealousy -like, -he introduced you to the fellow members -but beforehand he said to them that he has dibs and that he likes you -but funny thing -the members wanted him to ask you out -he was gonna take his time so the only way -was to make him jealous -yuta was culprit no.1 -he was up in yo face -but you were only whipped for one dancer boi -culprit no.2 was jaehyun -he kept putting his hand on your shoulder and making you laugh -ten doesnt like that -he should be the cause of your beautiful laugh -so he marches over -he is probably feeling insecure -and v jealous -so he pulls you to the side -and boom -pulls the -”will you go out with me” -if you said yes he would be so happy and relieved -you definitely said yes -because who wouldnt -stan talent -hed look back at the way he asked you out and would feel bad -would take you out on a date, and then ask you to be his girlfriend -cutie would probably take you to see a movie -Doesnt care what movie, as long as he can hold your hand -he wouldnt kiss you till the 3rd date because he is nervous that he would scare you. Daily life as a couple - Waking up in his arms made the mornings better -but also worse -because it meant you had to leave his arms -but it also meant that he might make you late for work -because he will NOT let you go -youd steal his shirts -whenever they werent out needing a wash from practice -whenever he had a photoshoot or practice, hed invite you if you were free -youd love to watch him dance -you were his hype man -you were there for his debut -you comforted him if he got frustrated -you were close with the members now -but he makes you stay your distance from Yuta&Jaemin -he is always scared that you will leave him -leads to alot of deep conversations at night -you in his arms as you both just talk to eachother -CUDDLES -he would try to cuddle you alot -his favourite was when he was just done practicing -hes all sweaty -so he chases you when you deadass refuse to hug him bc hes sweaty -ends up having to tackle you to the ground -he finds this playful and fun -you dont find it too fun -but the smile on his face fixes it all -when he is away filming or promoting, he always calls you -just wants to hear your voice -he always brings back a souvenir for you -no matter what, you are first priority -Whenever you two eat ramen, you both giggle fondly at the memories you shared. -very cute, but also very playful -you both loved eachother alot -words couldnt really do it justice -y’all cute

-END -Admin rose

#admin rose #nct #nct reactions #nct ten #nct chittaphon #nct ten boyfriend #kpop #kpop scenario #nct scenario #nct ten scenario #nct ten reaction #boyfriend

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tomakeitbeautifultolive · 6 years ago

Note

Ok two months to go lets hear it: Who lives and who dies?

My death list is actually kind of short, but (probably) controversial:

The Mountain

Beric Dondarrion

Melisandre

Varys

Viserion

Cersei Lannister

Jaime Lannister

Jorah Mormont

Euron Greyjoy

Theon Greyjoy

The Night King

Sansa Stark

Jon Snow*

(*but he will be resurrected)

You’ll notice one very big name - perhaps the biggest - happens to be absent from my list. I’m not so sure I believe the leaks. *shrug*

My explanations and reasoning under the cut.

The Mountain

Of course, The Mountain is already dead, so this feels little redundant. I don’t think Cleganebowl is happening. The Mountain isn’t the same person Sandor had beef with, and Sandor isn’t the same person he once was. *shrug* I’m personally rooting for the Arya-takes-down-the-Mountain theory.

Varys

There’s a good chance that Melisandre is wrong about Varys’ death (like she’s wrong about well, almost everything):

“I have to die in this strange country, just like you.”

But we pair that with the line from Daenerys:

“If you ever betray me, I’ll burn you alive”

…and it seems to seal his fate (I don’t buy for a second he’s got allegiance to anyone but himself). Of course, there’s a chance it could be a line foreshadowing someone else’s death that’s been ‘leaked’. We’ll see!

Viserion

I could argue that Viserion is already dead… but since “(The Night King)’s done the same thing to Viserion that he did with Craster’s sons,” I assume he’s a dragon version of an other. That’s probably not too important, anyway.

I think Viserion will be taken down by Drogon, mirroring Viserys and Drogo *shrug* I love my parallels, don’t I?

Cersei Lannister

When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. Eh, eh?

For as much as everyone cries “cliche!” about Jaime being the valonqar, imagine if all that foreshadowing was traded in for some shock value, and someone like Sansa does it. *shudders* Nah, man. I want Jaime to mirror himself - the Kingslayer/Queenslayer who took down both mad monarchs threatening to ignite King’s Landing in green flames - finally getting recognized for his act of heroism. That’s much more satisfying than a quick shock that has no buildup. But I suppose, there is a pretty good chance the valonqar is Euron.

(Though I do admit - I would actually love for Cersei Lannister to make it out of this alive, somehow)

Jaime Lannister

“I cannot die while Cersei lives. We will die together as we were born together.”

Both twins have weird lines like this. So, it’s fair to assume if one dies, they both die. And if one lives, they both live. So if Cersei is brought down, Jaime will be, too. How do I see it happening? Perhaps by one last (poisonous) kiss - wherein Brienne comes in to cradle him as the life drains from his body? I dunno. But after all, he wants to die in the arms of the woman he loves, and for better or worse - that’s Brienne.

Jorah Mormont

It’s been long speculated that in season 8, we’ll be seeing a ‘beloved’ character turn into a wight - and I think the best candidate is Jorah Mormont (keep in mind we’re talking show Jorah, who is leagues better than book Jorah).

Admittedly, I do notoriously give D&D more credit than like, anyone else around here. That said - I’m not sure the polar bear thing was entirely for “coolness” factor, like they claim. The moment I heard this line, followed by Jorah looming eerily over Beric…

I thought for sure we’d see this paid off in the very same episode. To me, it just seems wildly out of place and a waste of dialogue. I hope it’s some clever foreshadowing that we’re going to see a dead 'Bear’ of Bear Isle biting someone next season.

Of course, there is always a chance that the greyscale might play some sort of role in preventing Jorah from turning… I guess we’ll see!

Lastly, I’ve always been intrigued by Jon holding a Mormont shield during the BotB - I have a tendency to read too much into everything, I admit - but wouldn’t it be great if Jorah died saving Jon’s hide?

Euron Greyjoy & Theon Greyjoy

For as formidable as book Euron may be - I don’t see him living. This series just isn’t about evil prevailing. What I think he will do, however, is attack Jon and/or Daenerys at sea, perhaps as they try to flee the north. I’m one of those annoying people who thinks very few lines of dialogue are wasted in-show, and this one is a fucking thorn in my side:

I think Theon will succeed in taking down Euron (I think this scene is a great foreshadowing that he’s going to save house Greyjoy by saving Yara), but it will likely be at the cost of his own life. I suspect he’ll not only save Yara - but perhaps some members of his other house, too. After all, he’s a Greyjoy and he’s a Stark.

The Night King

Oh, this one is fun, isn’t it? I’m probably the only person who doesn’t want the Night King to die - but I’m pretty sure he will and that I know how it’ll happen. First, we’ll finally get to see Vladimír Furdík’s stuntwork paid off in the final season, which almost ensures there will be an epic showdown between Jon and the Night King.

But you shouldn’t want Jon to defeat him! (Or Daenerys, for that matter!) Why?

“The gods hate kinslayers, even when they kill unknowing.”

This quote is specifically told to Jon by Ygritte when she recounts the tale of Bael the Bard. Interestingly, Bael the Bard heavily mirrors Rhaegar x Lyanna. And what also happens to mirror Lyanna, is how Sam and Jon become friends. Jon comes to his rescue as he’s getting his ass whooped by his fellow black brothers - just like his momma coming to Howland Reed’s aid. Both Jon and Lyanna go out of their way to further humiliate the tormenters, too.

I predict the Night King will disarm Jon Snow and in this crucial moment, and that’s when Sam the Slayer will thrust Heartsbane through his back (perhaps melted down into more wieldable daggers by Gendry?), Howland Reed-style, saving Jon’s life and frankly, blowing everyone’s minds.

Because after all…

“Everything that happens will be something that you’ve seen before.”

Buuuut it’s going to be about as satisfying as Arthur Dayne’s demise - as we’re going to learn of the Night King’s history, and perhaps that his death marked not only the death of the wights and white walkers - but all of Craster’s sons, perhaps wiping out a whole misunderstood race.

‘A villain is the hero of the other side’, after all - and if you’re familiar with my theory that the Night King is the one using his greenseeing powers to manipulate the visions in the flames that the followers of R'hllor see… then this line by Beric might foreshadow his death:

And that our heroes, the 'enemy’, will win.

Sansa Stark

Before anyone comes for me, there’s a fair amount of eerie foreshadowing - at least in the books. If the season 7 script leaks are to be believed, Sansa might still be the 'lone wolf’ she warned against last season, distancing herself from her family out of jealousy or paranoia.

The way I see it going down, though, (if it does at all) the Stark girls will mirror their direwolves - and Sansa just might die in her sister’s place, saving her life.

Jon Snow

First, let’s look at the conversation between Jon and Melisandre prior to the Battle of the Bastards:

“Any advice?”

“Don’t lose.”

“If I do, if I fall don’t bring me back.”

“I’ll have to try.”

“I’m ordering you not to bring me back.”

“I am not your servant, Jon Snow.”

“You’re in my camp. I’m the commander.”

“I serve the Lord of Light. I do what he commands.”

“How do you know what he commands?”

“I interpret his signs as well as I can.”

“If the Lord didn’t want me to bring you back, how did I bring you back? I have no power. Only what he gives me and he gave me you. Why? I don’t know. Maybe you’re only needed for this small part of his plan and nothing else. Maybe he brought you here to die again.”

Other than that, we’ve got some fucked up lines from Sansa:

(Thanks, Sansa. Great job.)

As well as Beric:

Alternatively, there is some amazing book foreshadowing that Jon will live.

Why include in the story Beric has come back from the dead multiple times, at all? Why tell us that each time he comes back, he’s a bit less of himself? He’s not a major character. Is it all just for 'flavor’ - or are we being groomed to see it happen again to someone we love?

And how bittersweet would that be - seeing Jon come back a second time, but not quite the man he used to be - the one we all grew to love.

I love the theory that Jon Snow is Dany’s mount, treason, and fire for love - and that she’s the one who commits treason against him, by possibly demanding he be brought back 'against his will’ (though, considering he’s a father-to-be and potential newlywed, I don’t think he’ll gripe about it as much in season 8 as he would’ve in season 6.)

When Jon died the first time - I thought for sure he’d come back in some blaze of glory. That they’d try to burn his body, but he’d have this epic 'Unburnt’ moment, like Dany (lol). I’d like to see Dany wake a dragon a second time with some sort of similar funeral pyre that she walks into… except that two people walk out instead of one.

I know, I know. *adjusts tinfoil hat*

But Sam Tarly happens to agree with me:

Always.

Beric Dondarrion

Considering the man gave his life long ago for Catelyn to become Lady Stoneheart in the books, I think his entire purpose for still kickin’ around in Season 8 is to give someone the 'Last Kiss’. Not really a unique idea, no. Popular candidates tend to be Sandor (after all, he tells him 'We will meet again’), Daenerys, or one of the Stark kids. But my money’s on Jon.

Melisandre

I’m an atheist (like GRRM), and therefore, I more or less despise Melisandre for basically convincing what used to be a good man to burn his daughter alive. That’s some Abraham and Isaac shit right there (and that shit better happen in the books because it’s powerful AF commentary and I’m here for it).

All that said, what I’d love to happen with Melisandre is to see her realize her god isn’t real (assuming the Night King has been messing with her visions), and have a personality crisis/breakdown. Afterward, if my theory about Jon happens to be true, she’ll play a role in bringing him back, perhaps even lending her life in the process. Buuuut I wouldn’t mind Gendry’s future wife avenging his cousin’s death and closing her 'blue eyes’ forever.

As for the rest…

People I’m unsure will live or die:

Drogon 🤞

Ghost 🤞

Nymeria 🤞

Davos Seaworth 🤞

Tyrion Lannister 🤞

Sandor Clegane 🤞

Grey Worm 🤞

Bronn

Ned Umber

Alys Karstark

People I think will live:

Samwell Tarly

Gilly

Daenerys Targaryen

Arya Stark

Bran Stark

Little Sam

“Boatbaby”

Rhaegal

Gendry

Missandei

Jon Snow (resurrected)

#spoilers #got spoilers #not really #but just in case #got endgame #my best gueses

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thelifetimechannel · 7 years ago

Text

The Dave and Dirk log, for obvious reasons, was something I wanted to try very hard to get right. That meant although we drafted it together via msparp, as was our custom, I ended up overhauling it way more than any of our other combo walkaround logs. A few chunks did survive the transfer, though.

In other news, we’ve made a solemn pact to finish TLC over winter break, which is good because I’m running out of bonus content. Hopefully we’ll have some assets to show off soon. I’ve already seen a few; they’re very nice.

DIRK: Hey, dude. You did pretty well out there. DIRK: Didn't even die once. DAVE: twice in a day is my max im satisfied with keeping that record DAVE: even if getting machinegunned is rapidly becoming my "thing" DIRK: Seems we each have our respective "signature deaths". DIRK: Or at least it ain't a party until I get decapitated. That sure was something we needed to do again. DIRK: Just once, for old time's sake. DAVE: well that puts the nail in the meme coffin DAVE: any time you panic someones gonna tell you to keep your head on DAVE: like keeping your hair on except you know that shit aint going anywhere its probably shellaced DIRK: That shit is bolted to the floor. Did you know I walked around with a girly-ass pink tiara on my head this whole day and had no idea? DIRK: I had no idea. Couldn't feel a thing. DIRK: And people let me do that. DIRK: Can't fuckin' believe it. DAVE: oh DAVE: i figured you knew DIRK: I am less than pleased with my Skaia-ordained divine color scheme. DIRK: But I guess I have to live with it. It's part of the team aesthetic. DAVE: you could always change DIRK: Nah, with the tiara and tights ditched I have at least mitigated the enforced flamboyance. It's bearable. DIRK: I can't be the one dude out of uniform. Couldn't bear the shame. DAVE: my outfit is pretty sick ngl DAVE: sburb knows everyones secret desire is to have a cape DIRK: Unfortunately, mine isn't long enough to also make for a good tactical maneuver. DIRK: Not gonna lie, that was pretty funny. DAVE: if nothing else my attempts at combat can provide a source of humor in our lives DAVE: but honestly id be fine if my fighting days were over DAVE: i was never into it DAVE: rose on the other hand was obviously itching to beat people up DAVE: one of those 12 year olds who wants to get jumped in an alley to work out her suppressed anger DIRK: Maybe Skaia did make a few miscalculations in dumping your asses with your respective guardians. I think you'd get along well with Roxy and her cats, make her budget her time away from the alcohol. DIRK: ...in theory. DIRK: Rose can go a few rounds with me if she wants, we still need to sort out who has the rights to document our legendary journies. DAVE: ill plan your funeral DAVE: what kind of flowers do you want DIRK: ...there's different kinds? DAVE: damn thats right you grew up in waterworld DAVE: these choices matter DAVE: allegedly theres a thing called "flower language" DAVE: whether you can actually send someone a boquet telling them to meet you in the pit i dont know DIRK: Like, I get that, in theory, different kinds of flowers exist. But I fully anticipate any attempt on my part to conjugate in the language of said plants would end in my coffin declaring my hovercraft was indeed full of eels. DIRK: Maybe it'll have thorns on it. Or it'll be like the sixteen millions tons of green bullshit covering my land and making my nose itch. DAVE: probably DIRK: Worst case scenario, I'll pick out something orange and present to a prospective love interest and it'll mean something like "my brotherly passion for you knows no boundaries, and also no homo". DAVE: my bro wouldnt go for flower arranging DAVE: or pink tiaras DAVE: he was pretty uptight about the whole rah rah macho act DAVE: probably subscribed to alpha males weekly DAVE: which is weird considering DAVE: well DAVE: youre gay right DIRK: Uh. DIRK: Well. DIRK: My symbolic quest land is not covered in green bullshit, but I. DIRK: Happen to like watching birds, if you know what I mean. DIRK: Fuck, you probably don't know what that means. Jake and his goddamn thousand euphemisms. DAVE: cant say i do no DIRK: Nobody knows what it means but Jake. It's an old time epithet for being into dudes. DIRK: He knows all the old epithets, including some I suspect he made up. DAVE: so DAVE: thats a yes DAVE: in a roundabout way that includes birds DIRK: I've never denied it. DIRK: I'm just. DIRK: Not a huge fan of the word. Why, in this world post-society, do we need to confine ourselves to labels like "gay"? Such constraints were washed away from my world with the rest of the human race. DAVE: holy shit that was such a pretentious dodge DAVE: dont let rose hear you say that DIRK: Rose can hear all she likes. DAVE: but anyway DAVE: i wasnt asking to get up all in your business like SOME PEOPLE DAVE: who are so into getting into other peoples businesses theyre basically the fucking mafia or the irs DAVE: but DAVE: it explains some stuff DAVE: but on the other hand it doesnt DAVE: the way you raised me was kinda aggressively mainstream masculine enough that it wasnt something that ever seemed to come up as an option DAVE: [describe that type of culture and mindset better later, I KNOW what i mean but im tired rn lmao] DAVE: and anything outside of that id just brush off because it couldnt apply to me DAVE: and that went for pretty much everything that went against what you wanted for me DAVE: including that DIRK: And yet, here the man was, subconsciously shrieking his desire for floppy felt dong through, DIRK: What I guess you could call his art, for want of any other applicable word at all. God, the mental images are crawling up the insides of my skull like the Exorcist child, do I want to know? DAVE: probably not DAVE: guess trying to act peak male has its drawbacks DAVE: weirdly enough troll culture is obsessively hyperviolent but doesnt give a shit about sexuality DAVE: they dont see the difference most of the time i guess DAVE: and so like DAVE: maybe it rubs off on you because in some ways that kind of makes sense DAVE: but after so long its hard to know what i feel and what it means because i spent so long ignoring it DAVE: so i guess i was wondering DAVE: if you had anything that might help with that DAVE: or if youre also trapped in this whirling screaming maelstrom of bullshit DAVE: while kinsey sits in the eye of the storm laughing DIRK: Wait, wait, wait. DIRK: You're coming to me. DIRK: For advice. DIRK: Do you know what a laughable hurricane of disaster my interpersonal life has been? DIRK: Like, in a weird way, I'm kind of honored, especially since about five hours ago you were scared shitless to be around me, but. DIRK: I'm standing here and waving my credentials in the air just to display how I don't fucking have any. My degree is a sham and my hands are empty except for a crudely scribbled on piece of construction paper. DAVE: are you suggesting theres a gay university DAVE: where you study bird watching DIRK: Do I look like a man who's been to college? DAVE: fair DAVE: but like DAVE: your friends know DAVE: how did you broach the subject there DIRK: I might as well have been dating a Yoko Ono for the devastation it wreaked on our friend group, so yeah, it was a little hard to ignore. DIRK: Compounded by the fact some smartass from Gay University was using my social circle for romance geometry homework. DIRK: It wasn't even a love triangle so much as a love roundabout. DAVE: ok but thats just because you were a dipshit not a gay dipshit DAVE: they were chill about the first part right DIRK: Thanks. DIRK: I mean... Roxy always seemed disappointed. DAVE: luckily i dont think anyones waiting in line for me DAVE: i guess im blowing it out of proportion DAVE: i dont think anyone will MIND DAVE: no one did about rose and kanaya DAVE: didnt even question the vampire bit which goes to show what our lives are like these days DAVE: like ok our outfit has vampires now DAVE: thats a thing that we have DAVE: if i say oh hey i might be bisexual theyll just say sure pull up a chair at the acronym table DAVE: the only one who might be weird about it is john DAVE: but hed be just as weird if i told him id changed my favorite color hes just like that DAVE: the only person its really a big deal for is me DIRK: Jane was a little bit like that. I'm pretty sure the only reason she had to object was because she found out the day I made a move on her crush. DIRK: It might just be growing up in a household where you're not regularly fighting for your life, and thus what genders are kissing whom has the space to be higher on your priority list. DAVE: that aint anyones priority these days DAVE: im prepared to acknowledge the concept that hey maybe everyone elses lives dont revolve around me and my personal drama or self revelations might have some merit at least as a hypothesis DAVE: when i met kid english he kept going on about how i was the most important person and everyone else was side characters DAVE: and maybe ive acted like that sometimes DIRK: Yeah, like you alone are the one responsible for everyone around you. DAVE: and maybe ive acted like i think that way too sometimes DAVE: ive been wrong about people DAVE: people i care about people i shouldve known better DAVE: i was wrong because i wanted to believe things that matched how i wanted the world to be DAVE: things that made it easier for the story i was telling myself DAVE: i dont think kid english meant to call me on it but damn DIRK: Reality is, after all, something we construct for ourselves. DIRK: I think maybe I knew that all along when I surfaced for air inbetween shoving my head as far up my ass as it would go. DIRK: Or maybe that's just what I try to tell myself in hindsight. DAVE: well if it takes a hyperactive 12 year old version of the final bosss creepy hero worship of me to make a point i guess thats not the least subtle way the universe has sent me a message lately DIRK: You want unsubtle? Let me tell you about my damn planet quest. DAVE: haha DAVE: i didnt have to do much of my quest because im invisible DAVE: thanks mom DIRK: My denizen practically sat me down like it was my life coach and growled in my ear about improving my communication skills with a guy I told to go fuck himself not eighteen hours prior. DIRK: So while I'm glad SBURB has a vested interest in me repairing my friendships, playing electroshock death DDR with him was a little on the nose. DAVE: maybe getting shot again wasnt that bad DAVE: so weve all learned our life lessons good job team DIRK: Exactly. Can we wrap this up now? Can we please go rest? DIRK: I'm so exhausted I haven't even noticed I'm still hungover. DAVE: sure thing DAVE: but if i need tips on leaping out of a closet to intimidate passerby i might text you DIRK: I mean, I can try. As long as you don't ask me for dating tips. That, I definitely shouldn't be helping you with. DIRK: Go talk to your sister for that. DIRK: ...wouldn't she, by the transitive property of siblings, also be my sister? DAVE: yeah i guess DAVE: but theres no way in hell im asking rose for dating advice DAVE: on her first date which she refused to admit was romantically oriented she got wasted in anticipation forgot to show up and then fell down the stairs DIRK: Oh my god. DAVE: she tries to look like shes got her shit together but its a lie DAVE: if you find my corpse floating on lolar in the next few hours dont let the truth die with me DIRK: Why are we like this? DIRK: Is there actually something hardwired into our DNA that predisposes us to being disasters? DIRK: But, that aside. DIRK: I won't object if it's me you come to talk to. DAVE: ill hold you to it DAVE: and if you ever want to publicly you admit you DAVE: "enjoy birdwatching" DAVE: in less vague and evasive terms DAVE: ill have your back DIRK: Thanks.

#bonus content

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bitchfitch · 4 years ago

Note

Aleistar and Haze with grey to multi-coloured? :O (i am just really fond of the grey to multi-colored for some reason)

this one was just Sweet, Tooth Rotting, just Absolutely Delectable and it has Killed me.

zjsnnsnsns thank you for the prompt!

A Blue Armchair

There was a blue armchair in Aleistar's living room. It was his chair, more sonthan any of the others in his home. It was where he had gone to relax and read or to watch the city far below from his window for almost a decade now. A home within a home.

It was a blue armchair, but he only knew it was blue because the clerk at the furniture store had assured him it was blue when he bought it.

Aleistar had never really bemoaned the lack of color in his life. As far as he was concerned color didn't matter. Simply put, he'd never once in his 56 years of life seen color, so he couldn't exactly miss it. Couldn't morn it, or really notice that it wasnt there. He knew he was lacking color, of course he did, he saw it in the art works made to only be viewable by those who had found their soul mates, and he saw it in, as he got older, how everyone around him would look at him with some passive pitty. How his friends stopped inviting him out so that he might meet someone who would show him color, and how people had begun to whisper about him when they thought he wasn't listening.

Of course there were millions of people who never saw color, who's soulmates died before they met, or who died before they could bring color to their own soulmate, or who just never had one.

For a while he had fancied himself one of the last types. He wasn’t a warm and caring man and he'd never felt the draw to find his other half that everyone described. But those types always said they felt complete as they were, that even without a soulmate they were truly happy.

Aleistar thought he was one of them until he broke down, drunk and crying against his best friends shoulder. He didn’t remember much, of what he said the next day, just that now that he'd accidentally picked open this wound it was seeping constantly.

///

Leonard had handed him the book as a joke.

It was old and bound in a musty smelling leather but its pages were pristine. Leo said it's title translated something like "Desperation and Victory" but Aleistar couldn't make it out on the books front. The lettering was the same value as the leather it was printed on, and something about that felt like it was meant to be an insult.

///

He almost made it a week before he read the book for the first time.

He sat in his old armchair that the clerk at the furniture shop had told him was blue, and put his feet up on his coffee table which was a deep brown according to Leo, and flicked through the pages that he suspected would be yellow if they weren't just as grey as everything else.

///

The book had made it sound so effortless to trade his soul for the chance to have everything he could ever want. It listed wealth and riches and beauty or talent as examples of what someone might ask for, but all he wanted was to meet his soulmate.

A fancy circle here and a few drops of blood there, and boom he'd have a demon who could find them for him.

Was it worth it though? Was giving up his soul to meet someone he was already fated to meet worth it?

///

A month passed. he was 57 now.

Fifty-seven.

That number hurt to think about. He wasn’t old old yet, but he had three years until his planned retirement, and an average of maybe eighteen more to follow, if he was lucky.

///

He spent a lot of nights crying in the armnchair he was told was blue with the book he thought of as yellow in his lap. He still remembered how badly he had wanted a family when he was young. Two kids. He'd always wanted two because it felt right to him. If they were both conceived today he was likely to be dead before they would be old enough to share a drink together at his favorite bar.

Had he truly wasted his life? Had he let himself become so comfortable with the grey that he let a lifetime of color pass him by?

He was 57. His college classmates were all probably starting to welcome grandchildren now.

He was 57 and hed already been invited to so many funerals.

He dreaded that he might have already missed his soulmate's.

///

Aleistar habitually took notes at work, always had, but now they were more summoning circles than to-do lists.

///

He was 57, and he didn't care about having a soul anymore, because he desperately needed to find his soulmate and knew he would do whatever he needed to do to make that happen.

///

The flash of the circle igniting all at once almost made him regret this decision.

For a moment all that his senses could take in was the stark white light followed by a blurred buzzing of sensation as he struggled back onto his feet after having been thrown by the force of the demon entering his home.

He was older, and his joints creaked under him as he finally got eyes on the hell beast who would own his soul in a scant few minutes.

He met the demon's eyes across the boundaries line of his summoning circle, his body going tight and rigid as the demon stared right back at him.

The demon's eyes were black and round and open wide. His lips were also black, and his teeth a sharp white where they showed in the slight gape mouthed expression the demon wore. The grey scale that Aleistar knew so well, that he had been so comfortable with for all these years, could hold only the demon's eyes and lips and teeth within itself.

Aleistar had heard that when someone finally found their soul mate they would be able to name one or two colors wothout being told what they were.

Maybe thats why he knew the demon's hair was blue. Deep dark blue. Like the sky at midnight if all the stars blinked out of existence. The ring around the demon's neck, along with its counter parts around his horns, and upper arms, and thighs had to be gold. True pure gold that could buy out everything he had ever owned and still be only a tiny fraction of the way through it's value.

Blue and gold were the colors he could name, Blue for the demons hair and lashes, gold for his markings, But the paled so much next to the color of the demon's skin. Warm and strange and beyond inhuman. Decadent, and bold and rare. and so... magic. So very magical. The color of this demon's skin would be his favorite from now on, and nothing would ever manage to compare to it again.

Nothing would ever again manage to compare to the demon who was slowly standing from where he had been knelt. The corners of his lips were up turned in a way that was almost a smile, more disbelieving than joyous but well on its way towards that destination.

"Hello-" the demon tried to speak, his voice smooth and low as he blurred at the edges, like a fog cloud barely forced into the shape of a man, but his voice cought in his throat as he swirled around the circle, to just look at everything, "Did… Did everything just get very… colorful for you?" the demon asked with a weak but hopeful smile as he pressed his hands up against the invisible boundry between them.

Aleistar thought he'd be scared to approach a demon, that this part would make his stomach turn. But he took the demon's hands in his own without hesitation and without flinching at the feeling of his soft and hell hot skin burning his own just that little bit.

Oh the demon was beautiful, not just his colors that felt so unearthly after of a lifetime of grey, but his fine and delicate features that buzzed around the edges like he might vanish if Aleistar stopped looking at him.

Aleistar wanted to speak, wanted to say Something to the demon, but he was still struck dumb by the boiling joy and wonder in his own chest that bubbled over everything he met the demon's eyes again.

Some faint part of Aleistar's brain told him he should be panicked about how just holding this demon's hands made all the colors that much more intoxicatingly vibrant. That he shouldn't be on the verge of tears or laughter in this moment because all these colors could mean only one thing

"The silent type huh? Are you broody too?" the demon tried to joke before he caught himself even as his delicat fingers held onto Aleistar's a little tighter, "Oh, uh, the contract. You summoned me because you want me to find you your soulmate right? Uhm," the demon smiled and Aleistar knew he was grinning too.

Finally, Aleistar understood all those people hed seen collide in the middle of the walkway. Desperate to just touch and hold their other half after far too long separated from them.

"Wow, ok, so I knew I was exceptionally good at my job, but this is a new record for me," The demon babbled on, "Uhm, I- You see the colors too right? I'm not just going crazy, and this is real, right?"

"It is, I- It really is isnt it?" Aleistar was laughing softly and he didn't know why, but the demon was laughing too now and pulling him closer and past the edge of the circle.

The book had been very specific about never being in the circle with an un named demon, said that the demon could use all sort of tricks against you if you made that mistake, but this one seemed perfectly content to just press up against him while burrying his face in the fabric of Aleistar's shirt. Still holding his hands and still chucking something that was almost a hiccups as he sought out his soulmate's touch.

Aleistar wrapped his arms around the demon, around his soulmate just to hold him close for the moment it took them both to stop giggling like school boys. There was something impossibly grounding about holding the demon, something that made him determined to never let his soulmate go

The demon's cute little horns bumped up against his chin every time either of them moved and there was something just immensely endearing about that to Aleistar, so he pressed a kiss to one, marveling at how his skin buzzed from such a little touch before doing it again and again until he was peppering his soulmate's face with kisses that carried all the emotions he couldn't put into words.

"I still need to make a contract with you," his soulmate said after Aleistar tried to kiss him properly for the first time, "I- I've already found you your soulmate, so you're going have to ask for something else… Something that will take very long for me to deliver on so I dont have to leave you," He looked up from where he was still pressed against Aleistar's chest, those coal black eyes so hopeful.

"Be mine," Aleistar said without thinking, "Stay with me and just- Just be mine," smiling this much was starting to hurt, "Please," he cupped either side of the demon's face in his hands to tilt him up just that little bit more, "Please," he repeated again, his breath tight and nervous in his chest like he was just a school boy confessing to his crush under the slide, light and nervwracking and desperate for things he didn't fully understand yet.

The demon grinned and nodded, "Give me a name and it will be done," his hands braced against Aleistar's chest, his fingers tangling in the fabric as he tried to ground himself there.

Aleistar nodded and took a breath just to steady himself enough to not stutter. He remembered all the ways you could name a demon that the book had listed, all the ways you could bind one to yourself and all the ways those ways could fail, but there was only one he had any interest in trying in that moment.

"Haze," he said, a single syllable to describe his soulmate completely, it was all he needed. If the fervor with which Haze kissed him the moment the his new name was spoken was anything to go off of, then Aleistar felt confident in assuming he'd chosen correctly.

When they finally slowed to let Aleistar catch his breath after minutes of heavy petting and being too needy to let the other more than an inch or two away, they were sat in an armchair that Aleistar didn't need to be told was blue anymore.

#nsnznznznznznnznznznz #haze: im just going to do my thing #just gonna manwhore mansplain male wife my way into getting another soul #im a millinea old demon with no soul mate bc i Obviously would have already found them by now if i had one #doot doot doo lovin my best life #Oh Shit #Oh Holy Shit #Aaaaaaaaaaaa

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greetingsfromthebottomofthewell · 8 years ago

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A FEW SUGGESTIONS

[directory]

corporate just doesn’t listen.

[source] [triggers]

Suggestion: We could use another person at check-in during peak hours.

Suggestion: Please move the hot dog cart away from the main water slide. Also please have water slide staff keep an eye out for children who just ate. When anyone gets sick in there, three or four people have to go through it before we know about it.

Suggestion: It would be nice if we had a way to give more detailed information anonymously. Maybe private meeting time with management?

Suggestion: Need more security at south gate.

Suggestion: Music in the reptile house keeps slowing down or reversing, it's VERY annoying.

Suggestion: Please tell the mascots not to try eating in their costumes. We keep getting one in with food all over its face and we think someone's trying to be funny. The mouth opening is mesh, so eating isn't even possible.

Suggestion: Please fix the music in the reptile house, it's still driving me up the wall.

Suggestion: Guests are complaining about the amount of towels in their rooms.

Suggestion: Need a better or newer coffee machine for the break room.

Suggestion: I wasn't going to say anything because I'm pretty tolerant, but please stop admitting children without faces. They won't stay in the guest areas.

Suggestion: The common area could use a bigger selection of DVDs and games. The collection is already getting stale.

Suggestion: Still need security at south gate. What's cheaper, having a staffer pass by once in a while, or painting over all the vandalism?

Suggestion: South gate needs more security.

Suggestion: What are we doing about the profanities at the employee exit? Send security there more times of the day, or whatever.

Suggestion: Don't feel safe leaving south gate at end of shift.

Suggestion: Frank is cheating at solitaire when he thinks I'm not watching. Please do something about this immediately.

Suggestion: Tell the mascots to stay out of where they don't belong. One of them keeps turning off music in the reptile house. Can't tell who because of the suit. Have a meeting or something.

Suggestion: Please give the Mascots more break time or allow them to take short breathers during work hours. Sweat and body odor are one thing, but now we keep getting the same suit full of vomit.

Suggestion: Stop Frank, he's a menace. It has now spread to Sudoku. I am not making this up.

Suggestion: Sorry to write on a napkin, but we need more suggestion cards or else somebody is stealing them all.

Suggestion: Stop the fucking music.

Suggestion: I swear, all these blank kids are getting into everything. Every time I kill one of them the others just misbehave more. I keep finding them in piles at the bottom of stairways and they think its funny. It's not funny. I can't get through.

Suggestion: We need more suggestion cards.

Suggestion: We received a mascot suit with paint on its gloves. Someone took it to the south gate, and the color matches what the vandal is using. Might be worth looking into. Also, where are the cards?

Suggestion: costume sticking to the sores

Suggestion: It' s tOo hard to writ with this gloves on

Suggestion: Thanks for the suggestion cards! Finally! What are we doing about staffing check-in at peak hours?

Suggestion: Once more, sorry for the napkin. We're out of cards again.

Suggestion: One of the mascots cornered me in the supply closet and grabbed my breasts. I've told Michael Sheehan about it but I don't think he's going to do anything because I don't know who was in the outfit. I'm going to file a lawsuit if management continues to avoid my calls. This is a final notice. Additionally, please restock the cards. I suspect they were removed so you could discourage my reports.

Suggestion: ha ha I'm a mouse

Suggestion: FUCK YOU.

Suggestion: Someone's taking out light bulbs. I mean, just everywhere. The guests are getting increasingly angry about flipping switches only to have nothing happen.

Suggestion: When are we getting some new DVDs in the common room? I'm not complaining because they're old movies, just that plenty are scratched and don't play all the way through.

Suggestion: What's the ETA on that coffee maker?

Suggestion: The vending machines on the third floor in the guest area are constantly unplugged and the money slots are often jammed with suggestion cards. I don't even know what these cards are talking about.

Suggestion: We need more cards again.

Suggestion: Try to find Frank.

Suggestion: I will give you clues about Frank, okay?

Suggestion: Clue #1, It's cold.

Suggestion: Clue #2, It's wet.

Suggestion: We need another coat of paint on the south gate. Are you doing anything about this clown?

Suggestion: Clue #3, Flush.

Suggestion: The hot dog cart is still next to the water slide and there have been two more incidents involving children getting sick halfway through the pipe. This is really reflecting poorly on the resort.

Suggestion: I don't think you're lookng for frank!!

Suggestion: Hey, I don't want to be dick, but seriously, where are the cards? This box is pointless.

Suggestion: I keep sinking into the floor or

Suggestion: maybe it's just that I feel like it.

Suggestion: I can't get any rest because there's too much to do. Every time I lie down guests keep asking if I'm okay.

Suggestion: i can't get my head off i can't get my head off i cant get my head off i cant get my hed off i can't get my head of

Suggestion: ignore last card it was my real head i forgot

Suggestion: the costume is sticking to my sores and there are more sores

Suggestion: all i am is sores

Suggestion: the costume is breathing and if i don't match its movements i can't get any air

Suggestion: F

Suggestion: UCK

Suggestion: i keep locking the gates but someone keeps opening them again please tell them to stop doing that because it lets everyone out again and i feel that's counter productive

Suggestion: they found frank and they're going to blame me please advise

Suggestion: HAHAHAHA franks face was like a bad looking plate of mashed potatoes when they pulled him out but when i laughed at it everyone looked at me even the people with faces which is odd

Suggestion: i have to think of what to do

Suggestion: oh

Suggestion: i know hang on

Suggestion: I'm not sure if the suggestion box is the right place for this, but security isn't doing much about my complaint. Over the last couple days I've been circling the resort and counting the number of staffers. As far as I can tell, there are more mascots on the grounds than we have on payroll. Security says it doesn't make sense, but I think we have one extra.

Suggestion: please help, costumes are heavy with people inside and there's no hook left for me

[next]

#horror #scary #scary stories #creepypasta #nosleep #a few suggestions #stories

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ebenpink · 6 years ago

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“Help! My client is in love with me!” How to establish boundaries in your coaching practice—and avoid all kinds of nasty situations. https://ift.tt/2ImLxO9

What do you do when your fitness client asks you out for a drink? Or texts you at 2am? Or slightly recoils from your touch during an assessment? When you’re a health professional working closely with people who need your help, things can occasionally get awkward. Use this guide to set professional boundaries, while still creating a trusting coach-client relationship.

++++

The details: A Precision Nutrition Certified coach—we’ll call her Sue—reached out to our private Facebook group for advice on a serious problem. Her client, also a coworker, had developed feelings for her.

Sue didn’t feel the same way.

She cared about this client and his goals. He’d already lost 50 pounds with her help.

But she didn’t want to be a caregiver or caretaker. His behavior had become an emotional drain.

When Sue tried to distance herself from the client, he lashed out and became self-destructive. His health habits regressed, and he went back to emotional eating.

As a coaching professional, Sue understood the dynamics. She knew the client’s reliance on her had become unhealthy. And she recognized that she herself was becoming more and more distressed.

Understandably, she felt stuck.

She’d have to confront difficult feelings: The client would be upset.

He’d regress: Asking him to change his behavior would cause a health-damaging backslide.

She was also caught in conflicting close relationships: They work together every day.

Tricky situations like Sue’s are very common in health and fitness coaching.

Yet while therapists, psychologists, and doctors are formally trained to navigate the boundary issues that arise in client-practitioner relationships, fitness professionals often aren’t.

So consider this your crash course for conduct, complete with practical tools you can use now, no matter how where you are in your career.

++++

The relationship between a client and a health practitioner is inherently intimate.

This is true whether you’re a strength coach, a group fitness trainer, a psychologist, a massage therapist, or a yoga instructor.

Deep feelings are discussed. Bodies are touched.

It’s “closeness,” even if it’s not romantic closeness.

As a result of this intimacy, it’s quite common (and natural) for coaches or clients to develop feelings (negative or positive) for each other. Feelings of friendship, tenderness, protectiveness, jealousy, anger, and/or frustration spill into the professional arrangement.

Without honesty, clear expectations, and mature, open communication, stuff gets messy.

Defining and upholding proper boundaries ensures that feelings don’t confuse the ultimate goal: to help the client achieve his or her health goals through self-empowered action.

When we don’t have well-defined and well-communicated roles, everyone is kinda standing around wondering, “What am I allowed to do here? And how are we supposed to interact?”

Anxieties, frustrations, and old hurts emerge, often vaguely and vexingly, and we feel pushed and pulled in many directions.

That’s why we need boundaries.

Boundaries are the invisible lines of division between the service provider and the client or patient, the social (and sometimes physical) norms and practices that define:

who is playing what role (e.g. who is coach and who is client);

what those roles involve (e.g. who provides direction and how); and

what the limits of that professional relationship are (e.g. how available the coach is for the client, or what’s discussed in sessions).

Good boundaries mean that clients:

feel safe and secure with their coaches, trusting they’ll act in their best interests.

understand the care a coach shows is the universal care of an invested, compassionate professional, and not a sign of romantic interest (or some other attachment).

are obligated to show up maturely and responsibly; to regulate their emotions, own their behaviors, and be consistent.

Good boundaries mean that coaches:

avoid ethical breaches or working outside of our scope of practice.

don’t take on more than our share of responsibility for client progress and change.

show our clients clearly who is doing what, when, and how.

recognize the potential power imbalance that is part of coaching, and respect our clients as autonomous individuals.

With clear boundaries, we have fewer misunderstandings and awkward situations.

Which is always good.

With well-defined, strong, healthy boundaries, our “emotional bank account” is freed up to invest in a robust coaching relationship that keeps us as coaches safe and sane, while helping clients reach their goals.

Appropriate behavior is context-dependent.

There’s a green zone: Totally cool almost all of the time. Like smiling and making eye contact as you greet a client.

There are “gray zones”: A little more blurry, and depends on the context and nature of the relationship. Like hugging a client after they just did their first pullup.

And there’s a red zone: Definitely—and always—a hard “no.” Like, “Don’t steal from clients” seems pretty intuitive.

But in real life, boundaries aren’t one-size-fits-all.

Therefore (and to make things more complex), the same action can be “green” with one client and “red” with another.

With a client you have a secure, trusting relationship with, it might be totally cool to exchange the odd gift.

But that newer client you suspect might be crushing on you? Exchanging gifts may send the wrong message and confuse the purpose of the relationship.

Context is everything.

With more experience, trust, and maturity you have more freedom—to get close, to joke, potentially to do or say “inappropriate” things.

With relationships that are newer, more fraught or confused, play by stricter rules.

In terms of ethical codes, health and fitness coaching is a little late to the party.

Other fields of service provision, such as psychology or social work, have clear codes of ethics they abide by.

Many mental and physical health care service providers receive ethics training as part of their certification, but coaches often don’t.

Yet part of your job as a coach is to behave ethically, which includes defining and maintaining clear boundaries.

So Precision Nutrition wrote its own Code of Ethics for the coaches we certify.

You can start with our Code of Ethics as a template, and add to it as you wish, according to your own value system, and the nuances of your practice.

PN Coaching Certification Code of Ethics

In your professional role as a coach:

Act in the client’s best interest. Prioritize their wellbeing, safety, values, goals, and comfort where possible.

Respect the worth and dignity of the clients you serve. Treat all clients with professional courtesy, compassion, and care.

Protect your clients’ privacy and confidentiality. This includes that you:

Follow standard data security protocols, such as protecting your personal logins and storing client data securely.

Be careful what you discuss about clients, and with whom.

Do not disclose personal or identifying details of clients.

Ask permission before sharing anything on social media.

Act with integrity. Make yourself worthy of your clients’ respect and trust. Don’t exploit your clients, financially or otherwise. Don’t seek personal gain from your client relationship (beyond your coaching fees, obviously).

Act with objectivity. Know the rules, regulations, and procedures expected of you, and follow them equitably and appropriately for each client.

Set clear, accurate, and reasonable expectations. Define the terms of the coaching arrangement (e.g. payment, frequency of meeting, how coaching works, etc.) immediately and reinforce them often. Be upfront about what results the client can realistically expect to see.

Have clear professional boundaries. Avoid multiple relationships (e.g. coaching friends or family members; becoming friends with clients) where possible. If you must have multiple relationships, recognize the inherent power imbalance in coaching, and be very clear what hat you’re wearing in a given situation.

Know the limits of your skills and scope of practice. If you can’t serve a client for reasons of ethics or expertise, refer them to another coach and/or care provider if possible.

Keep your skills current. Pursue professional competence, excellence, and mastery. Seek to be a credit to your profession.

8 tools to define boundaries in your coaching practice.

For coaches, there are lots of ways identify, establish, and maintain boundaries in your professional practice. We’ve got 8 to get you started.

The more tools you use, the more clear, comfortable, and secure your relationships will be.

Plus, less awkward situations.

1. Pay attention to your “emotional radar.”

Often, when boundaries get pushed (or trampled on), your body will tell you.

For example, you might notice that around a certain client, you feel tense, “icky,” or even repelled.

If you observe those sensations, check in with yourself.

Are roles defined and contracts clear?

Are you being asked to do things (either implicitly or explicitly) that make you feel uncomfortable?

Are you being exposed to some “TMI” material, either through the content of your client’s words, or images they sent to you?

If you can identify what’s bothering you, work to fix the situation:

Model appropriate behavior.

Communicate clearly, assertively, and maturely. (Keep reading for ideas on how to do this.)

Inform others about your boundaries and expectations for the working relationship. Don’t assume people “should just know” what appropriate behavior is. They might not.

2. Use body language to manage the space between you and your clients.

We “say” a lot without actually saying it.

Humans have a sort of sixth sense when it comes to expressing and reading body language. What we do with our bodies, and what others do, is worth a thousand words.

That means you can actually use your body as a tool to shape the coach-client relationship.

You can use your nonverbal cues to steer or “lead” clients.

For example, if a client is getting a little too close, you can lean or step back a little to increase the distance between you, or put an object between you (such as a desk or bench).

Without using words, this suggests, “This is a better amount of space between us.”

Other times, you may want to encourage closeness.

One simple way to do this is by “mirroring” your clients’ movements (subtly), and making eye contact. This demonstrates your attention and presence, and can foster a feeling of connection.

To convey confidence and authority, stand or sit tall, with good, but relatively relaxed posture. You’ll look like someone worth respecting and listening to.

3. Use your voice to show the right balance of care and authority.

Voices are powerful.

Your voice can command, cajole, calm, or control—and it can help you set and maintain boundaries too.

Generally, a warm, yet professional tone will signify interest and authority.

Speak clearly at a moderate pace, and unless you’re actually asking a question, be careful of a tendency to use a rising tone at the end of a sentence. (Which will make everything sound like a question? And it’ll imply that you don’t need to be taken seriously?)

Match your voice volume and cadence to your client’s to show attunement.

You can also use your voice to steer someone gently if you feel things should be going in a different direction: talking slower and lower to a client who’s gotten worked up and is talking fast and loud; speaking gently to a client who’s intimidated, scared, or defensive; or speaking firmly and clearly to a client who’s gotten a little too… friendly.

4. Write like a pro.

Even if your main jam is one-on-one sessions with clients, talking in an office or on a gym floor, you’ll probably do a fair bit of writing too: in emails or texts, handouts, contracts, and signs on the wall.

Your professional image is reflected in your writing, so cover the basics: Use proper punctuation, check your spelling, and get your message across clearly and concisely.

Make sure signs are clearly displayed and contracts are reviewed and understood, ideally before you begin your coaching relationship.

Signs and contracts tell clients what to expect, what their responsibilities are, and what you’re here for (and not here for). Articulate this up front, and you’ll have fewer problems later.

5. Make informed consent an ongoing conversation.

If you’ve ever joined a gym, had a massage, received psychotherapy, or joined a sports team, you might have had to go through some kind of informed consent and waiver-signing process.

An informed consent form usually covers things like scope of services and liability, and the potential risks to clients. It’s a good idea for every coaching practice to have one.

But it doesn’t have to stop there.

If made an ongoing conversation, the informed consent process can be an awesome, useful tool that helps define boundaries and helps clients feel heard, respected, and comforted.

Check in with your client on consent topics every few weeks. You can organize the conversation around themes like:

What’s happening for you as a client right now? Can you give me a “status update” about how you feel / think about our process, or your current situation?

Are you OK with what’s happening now? Does this match what you expected or wanted? Would you feel more comfortable doing something differently?

Do you understand what’s happening now? Do you as a client, comprehend why we’re doing something, and/or what the risks and benefits are? Do you understand how this activity connects to your goals?

Do you want to continue in this direction? Or do you need a break? Informed consent includes the client knowing that they have the right to say no to anything the coach proposes.

6. Protect your time.

Pop quiz: If a client texts you at 2am, do you respond?

Clients may email, text, or even call at all hours of the day or night. While you can have your business hours clearly displayed on your website, contracts, or signs around your office, clients may still pop in when it’s convenient for them.

That’s OK. (So long as they’re not banging on the door of your personal home at midnight. That’s “red zone” material.)

When and how quickly you respond to clients signals to them what you will accept, and what they should expect.

For example, if you start answering emails at 10:30 at night, a client may expect you to be available during those hours. If you always respond to texts within three minutes, a client may expect nearly immediate answers from you.

You get to decide what your boundaries are here, and what you’re comfortable with. If you don’t want your evenings to be crowded out by client emails, then turn the computer off before dinner, and respond to them in the morning.

Similarly, you get to set the tone for how time is spent during your in-person time with clients.

If a client is consistently late or missing appointments, or if they keep directing the conversation to who they went out with on the weekend instead of how their food journaling went, then it’s your job to gently but firmly call them out.

Sometimes an adult conversation needs to happen.

Like:

“Hey, I’ve noticed that you’ve been 20 minutes late for the last three appointments. Is this still a good time for you? If it is, let’s agree to start our session on time so we don’t have to cut into your appointment time.”

Or:

“It sounds like you had a fun weekend! But hey, I’d love to talk about your nutrition. I know one of your goals is to eat better, and I’m curious to know about how you’ve been doing. The more we focus our conversation, the better we can get both of our needs met.”

Approach these conversations as if you and your client are on the same team, rather than adversaries. Be friendly, and focus on the win you both want!

7. Dress sharp.

One perk of being a coach: You get to dress comfy!

One downside of being a coach: You get to dress comfy! Which means that sometimes, it’s hard to know what looks appropriate and also helps you demonstrate a squat or run a few agility ladders.

However, if you choose carefully, you can convey professionalism in athletic gear.

If you look professional, your clients will be less likely to treat you as a buddy or a potential hookup, and more likely to treat you as, well, a professional.

Make sure your clothes are clean and well-maintained, and that all your, um, parts are contained.

Your dress should also be appropriate to your environment. If you work at a gym, gym clothes are good. If you work in an office, “business casual” is likely the better dress code.

8. If physical contact is necessary, check in with your client’s experience of it often.

If you’re a personal trainer, massage therapist, yoga teacher, chiropractor, etc., body work is part of your job.

Make sure to have clients sign a form that provides consent to touch.

Even with contracts signed and squared off, always ask your clients for permission before you touch them, especially in potentially awkward or vulnerable areas. (This is especially important in situations where touch could be misinterpreted—for instance, a male personal trainer touching a female client’s glutes.)

If you’re a coach, here’s a handy checklist for considering boundaries when touching your client.

Does touching my client make sense in the context of our professional relationship? Am I, for example, a massage therapist or personal trainer legitimately touching my client in particular ways?

Does touching my client raise any issues given our social identities? That’s a fancy way of saying who are you, and who are they? Are you male, female, older, younger, the coach, the client (and so on)?

Does touching my client make sense in a cultural or social context? Different cultures have different norms on touch. And “culture” can be anything. For instance, your local MMA gym may consider it perfectly normal to choke someone with your thighs… but that’s not a good look at your average gym.

What are the benefits to touching my client? Am I helping teach them an exercise, giving them useful feedback, creating a genuine personal connection, and/or calming them?

What are the potential risks to touching my client? Might I be invading their boundaries, making them feel less comfortable, or sending signals that could be misinterpreted?

What are my motivations for touching my client? Is this to benefit them, or me?

Do I know my client’s personal history or level of comfort with touch? Some people have a history of physical or sexual abuse, or simply aren’t that comfortable being touched. Since you likely don’t know all clients’ personal details, start by assuming your client may have some kind of discomfort with touching. Proceed slowly with caution and assess their comfort as you go.

How am I letting my client know what to expect? A simple way to judge comfort is just to announce, then ask. For example, “I’m going to put my hand just underneath your left armpit to feel if your lat muscles are engaged. Is that OK?”

What feedback am I getting? Read body language, and ask. If your client gives you a hearty handshake with a bro-back-slap while making eye contact and smiling, you’re probably good to do the same. If you hug them and they shrink back or go rigid, quit hugging them.

Have alternatives handy. If you’re trying to give a client proprioceptive feedback, you can often use some neutral object (like having their butt hit a wall when you’re teaching a hip hinge). If hugging is a no, you may be able to do a less-threatening touch of the upper arm, or just work your smile and wave game.

And this should go without saying, but we’re gonna say it anyway:

For heaven’s sake, don’t touch your clients inappropriately. If you don’t know what constitutes consent or assault, educate yourself.

What to do next

When your “boundary radar” goes off, pay attention.

Don’t wait or avoid a situation that’s bothering you.

If you do, it’ll often get worse.

Prevention is the best option here, but if that hasn’t worked, then sometimes you’ll need to deal directly with an uncomfortable situation.

If possible, prepare documentation—such as emails, text messages, or a written summary of what happened from your perspective—or discussion topics in advance, and consider your overall strategy before having a difficult conversation.

Remember: You never have to work with someone who’s abusive, aggressive, or otherwise violates your boundaries.

Whether it’s a persistent series of misunderstandings and misalignments; someone who constantly gives you the “ugh” or “uh-oh” feeling; or outright harassment, you never have to tolerate a physically or psychologically harmful situation.

Get out or refer out.

Want strategies to level up your coaching?

It’s no secret that master coaches develop over time, through education and consistent practice, usually under the guidance of a mentor or coach.

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And here’s some great news: Our next Precision Nutrition Level 2 Certification Master Class kicks off on Wednesday, April 3rd, 2019.

Want to achieve total confidence in your coaching skills? Get (and keep) more clients? Grow and strengthen your practice? If so, the Precision Nutrition Level 2 Certification is definitely for you.

It’s designed specifically for Level 1 students and grads who realize that knowing about the science of nutrition isn’t enough.

Part master class, part grad program, part mentorship, it’s the only course in the world designed to help you master the art of coaching, meaning better results for your clients and a better practice for you.

Since we only take a limited number of professionals, and since the program sells out every time, I strongly recommend you add your name to our VIP List below. When you do, you get the chance to sign up 24 hours before everyone else. Even better, you get a huge discount off the general price of the program.

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Interested? Add your name to the VIP list. You’ll save up to 37% and secure your spot 24 hours before everyone else.

We’ll be opening up spots in our next Precision Nutrition Level 2 Certification Master Class on Wednesday, April 3rd.

If you want to find out more, we’ve set up the following VIP list which gives you two advantages.

Pay less than everyone else. We like to reward people who are eager to get started and ready to gain mastery in their coaching practice. So we’re offering a discount of up to 37% off the general price when you sign up for the Master Class VIP list.

Sign up 24 hours before the general public and increase your chances of getting a spot. We only open the PN Master Class twice per year. Due to high demand and a very limited number of spots, we expect it to sell out fast. But when you sign up for the Master Class VIP list, we’ll give you the opportunity to register a full 24 hours before anyone else.

If you’re ready to take the next step in becoming a world-class coach, we’re ready to share our knowledge and help you master the art of coaching.

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References

Click here to view the information sources referenced in this article.

Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association. (2015). Standards of Practice (5th ed.) [PDF file]. Ottawa, ON. Retrieved from https://www.ccpa-accp.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/StandardsOfPractice_en_June2015.pdf

Canadian Association of Social Workers. (2005). Code of Ethics [PDF file]. Retrieved from https://www.casw-acts.ca/sites/default/files/documents/casw_code_of_ethics.pdf

Bryson, Sandy. Understanding Professional Boundaries [PDF file]. Retrieved from https://www.dsc.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/Understanding-Professional-Boundaries.pdf

The post “Help! My client is in love with me!” How to establish boundaries in your coaching practice—and avoid all kinds of nasty situations. appeared first on Precision Nutrition.

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rosalindrobertson · 8 years ago

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My Bendy Friends. Sorting out feelings about the new hypermobility EDS spectrum classifications.

(Note and Update: The link to the reclassifications released by EDS organizations yesterday, including the new spectrum for joint hypermobility and hEDS is here: http://ehlers-danlos.com/eds-types/ - but they do not have the reclassification papers and can’t say when they’ll be available. This whole thing upset a lot of folks. Please note I am not affiliated with any EDS advocacy organization, I just have it and volunteer with some Toronto hospitals to improve treatment.)

So, a long time ago in a galaxy far far away, yours truly was in crazy pain. I was a ballet dancer and I’d been smucking things out of place since I was a child. I didn’t know that pulling a dress over your head didn’t cause a partially dislocated shoulder for EVERYONE because your body is your universe.

But eventually I got sick. They couldn’t figure out why. Years passed, I got worse, my doctors (by this point a team), got frustrated.

My ballet teacher (because I still take class) said, “Hang on. I know a bunch of dancers who are hypermobile like you and they’re getting really sick and in pain, you should look into that kind of physio.” So I did. In fact, I got a whole medical textbook. It’s called “Hypermobility, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain” by Hakim, Keer and Grahame. It’s become my bible.

But when I took it in to see my Big Name Department Head Neurologist, he jolted, muttered “Ehlers Danlos Syndrome” and said “you need a geneticist” and marched me down to cardiology for an echo. I was his second case in his 30 years in medicine.

My geneticist was a tiny, fit, compact woman. And she’d been a gymnast, and she was hypermobile. But, she said, sometimes hypermobile patients are hypermobile because of a genetic disease.

“People with hypermobility are often far sicker than people with Ehlers Danlos hypermobility,” she said. “I see a lot of people in really rough shape who don’t have EDS.”

She pointed out that we could do all the same circus tricks, but she had better muscle tone. She didn’t have the clumsiness, the Bambi-ness, or the weird veins and bruising. She was a gymnast. I have never turned a cartwheel, and not for lack of trying. She isn’t a subluxator, and her skin wasn’t...well, weird.

But, she again stressed, any hypermobility can make people really sick.

And she said it was like a spectrum disorder, where everyone has a different set of issues to deal with - much like autism spectrum, which was very new at the time.

And I recognize I’m not in a place where a reclassification “means” anything to me. I’m in Canada. I have the most amazing team for my care and I love them. You can classify me as neon green and my life does not change.

But for most people with EDS or suspected EDS, it’s a bad time to reclassify. It may be scientifically appropriate, but every EDS or suspected EDS patient I know in the US is about to lose their access to care. And the medications suggested? They don’t work for a lot of us. It turns into the old issue of doctors not recognizing the absolutely devastating levels of pain many of us are in - and not understanding that the level of physical rehab therapy required is not only crushingly expensive but often not available. A garden-variety physiotherapist or physiatrist is more likely to injure us than hepl us. True story, it happened to me, with one of the biggest names in medicine in my country.

And then there’s the “malingering”. You’ve been so sick without a “cause” that no one believes you and thinks you’re a fruitbat. Friends and family want some piece of paper with some kind of instant pee on a stick kind of test to explain yourself and it’s awful.

So I recognize that for a lot of people this is just scary and deeply upsetting.

This was not well done.

These announcements are supposed to help us, not push us into a panic. While the scientists and doctors seem super-excited, they have ultimately failed us by pushing something out before it was ready, without thought to patients and what they are facing, during a political time of deep stress for anyone with a debilitating illness.

I’ve worked in policy and communications for a very, very long time. Panicking people who are already suffering does real damage.

I’d like to undo some of that panic:

1) A diagnosis of hEDS is not the Be All And End All. For me, it’s kind of a side note and a bit of a running joke about X-men. I’m a lot of things. Unfortunately we live in a world where we create identities around disease groups - think red ribbons and pink lipstick. This can create some harm. Remember, you’re not a zebra - you’re a goddamned unicorn. No one can be you or replace you.

2) It’s the hypermobility part that pains us all. My “heel papules” and high palate and creepy long fingers and other weird things that make me hEDS don’t have any impact on me. My joints grinding and ligaments screaming? The fascia pain? The worn outed-ness? The I Can’t Get Out Of Bed? That’s the part that ruins us, that disables us, that keeps us from life. We all need to row together.

3)EDS does not mean I am “sicker” than someone with hypermobility. In fact, someone with hypermobility may face far worse pain and more physical limitations. I’m thankful that was explained to me.

4) The designation is important for science but not so much for patients. Genetic medicine is very exciting for scientists, I’m sure.

5) Yeah, your diagnosis might change. But since we already know that hypermobility syndrome is absolutely ferocious, and giving you “less care” than an hEDS patient isn’t ethical or medically advised. You treat every patient to their needs, and the need on hypermobility syndrome is pretty great.

This rollout was bad. The advocacy groups are really frayed and being pretty nasty, in my opinion - maybe I struck a nerve but I’ve got a decade into policy and health communications and generalized panic is never what you set out to do.

It’s a spectrum, not a hierarchy. And people like me are going to continue to work to try to get you the treatment that you need.

My DMs are open if you want to talk.

It’s going to be fine. Remember, you’re not a zebra, you’re a unicorn.

xoRR

#Ehlers Danlos sydrome #ehlersdanlosgrrrls #ehlers danlos reclassification #ehlers danlos type 3 #Hypermobility Syndrome

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caepaecaesurae · 8 years ago

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> Last week sometime...

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Last Wednesday at 2:44 PM

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I suspect you havwe though, by the sound of it. brackishbarracuda loz would raise from his fuckin ashes and haunt my ass if i ever got rid a them especially now brackishbarracuda theyre mine caepaecaesurae I'm glad you care for them. I'm...familiar wvith the concept from Beforus, and from my moirail's family. It's not something I'vwe personally evwer wvanted, but I'm glad it suits you. Are they young, still ? brackishbarracuda it aint someifn i ever personally wanted either tbpfh w u little shits grow on u yeah caepaecaesurae Has Arlequin met them yet? brackishbarracuda ach is the oldest and shes under five sweeps and ayas the youngest and shes in a coon rn i think we planned on it but it aint happened yet brackishbarracuda lotta shit goin on rn caepaecaesurae I suspect he'd enjoy it quite a bit. He adores spoiling wvrigglers. brackishbarracuda yeah i can sea that lmao hes a big cod damn nerd brackishbarracuda hey i got a question caepaecaesurae Aye? Fire at wvill. brackishbarracuda do u no anybody youd trust w a needle pike tattoos do u think arlequin would kno anybody in the church oar caepaecaesurae I knowv Porrim has a studio here, though I'd havwe to gently feel out howv she feels about seadwvellers. I'm sure Arlequin knowvs howv to apply tattoos in the old wvay, wvith hand-made tools and ointments rather than wvhat one wvould vwisualise in a modern tattoo parlor. I'm sure Nadaya wvould knowv someone, and could ask, if that wvould be of use. brackishbarracuda idk if i trust his evaluation of i trust u naut to kill me while u do this but yeah if u could ask around so i got options id afishiate it tbh isle still probubbly sea what arlequin can do seein as i already trust him caepaecaesurae Arlequin I wvould trust completely to do blackwvork. If he specifically says he can do brilliant colors and gradients, I'd believwe him on those too. I trust Nadaya not to put other people into stupid situations. 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Things I imagine into place are easy to imagine awvay again. brackishbarracuda i nearly said id imagine so and stopped myself wtf me caepaecaesurae I can imagine it, and I wvouldn't havwe caught it. brackishbarracuda hes doin aight if ur currious thats my rails caepaecaesurae I'm glad he is. brackishbarracuda i get over excited about the bouys so i apologize in advance caepaecaesurae Hah. Both vvic and his brother? Enthusiasm is a blessing, enjoy it. brackishbarracuda yeah f reel tho they aint get out much so im over here wavin a lil flag when they talk to ppl on their own caepaecaesurae I havwe a fewv friends like that. Thankfully theyvwe started getting along wvith one another, wvhich is nice. brackishbarracuda tru tf to that

Last Wednesday at 6:44 PM

brackishbarracuda are u sugestin arlequin is a wrong choice caepaecaesurae No, I just knowv Arlequin wvell and don't knowv if he knowvs him. Arlequin making more positivwe social contacts is good. brackishbarracuda (that was a joke ) tru af tho caepaecaesurae I'm not that great at jokes if the punchline is someone being offended, if I'm honest. brackishbarracuda aight fair caepaecaesurae Sorry, chief. brackishbarracuda nah u aint got anyfin to apologize for

#brackishbarracuda #ooc eyes only #discussion of gossip bad tattoos and kids #trashy tattoo jokes ahoy

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xottzot · 7 years ago

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2018-09(AUG)-20th--August--Monday---no rain--Swan Shire Ranger appraises fatguts aboriginal criminal household before noon from the road.

Around sometime before noon today, i thought yet another Police van had pulled up outside fatguts aboriginal criminal household, but it was a Swan Shire Ranger vehicle instead. It stayed there for quite some time then slowly drove off.

Maybe it was the huge mass of utter garbage and trash put out by the abo's onto the street verge and left laying there for weeks.........foetid stuff that stinks and has been picked-over by ? and spread all about the verge.

And there IS aboriginals 'living' there. One was roaming about the yard and in and out of the house there this morning from a black coloured sedan, going to and from from the sedan to the house. He later left sometime.

One part of the large pile of spread-out garbage, was a pulled-apart amd smashed up childs swing set....and gues where THAT came from........it came from (because they are so entwined as I have ALWAYS said for MANY YEARS) just across the road from there at the criminal aboriginal household which had so MANY MANY criminal kids and BOTH places had criminal aboriginal adults and countless drop-in aboriginal criminals. ALL criminals of all ages. Even toddlers who loved to smash bottles onto the roads everywhere as much as the others...even ones in diapers. - They got older, got out of diapers, and just continued on. (I am STILL cleaning up glass smashed aorund the area even as recently as yesterday). - (Dear Fliss knows about THAT glass smashing because I think it occurred from when she was here too.)

Or maybe the Ranger vehicle was looking out for vicous dogs (again) that the aboriginals have had for many many years about this hellhole that rush out and attack people? - But I thought those dogs hed been dealt with by the rangers and Police years ago after several Police-level incidents and they had long since been gone from this hellhole area...and any remaining ones had been hidden at the rear of the criminal aboriginal households

The Ranger vehicle was big enough (a big 4WD type) with a big rear section on it, that it also could have been able to capture any vicious almost fully feral aboriginal dogs that have attacked people at this hellhole area over the years.

As far as I know, there hasn't been any 'recent' incidents......

Was there yet another recent incident I'm not aware of?

And then there's the countless feral cats that for many years roamed all about this hellhole area. Both cats and dogs invaded at will every and anybodies yards and fouled them up and spread disease and caused distress to any and every innocent animals of innocents, innocent people just wandering by, and any innocent children who may be pasing through the area.

But many months ago, a large number of those cats 'vanished' after being transported away by the rental residents of the infenced corner house (Mitchels old house), which is the SAME house that shithedas on illegal motrobikes go in and out of day and night and evade Police for years by hiding the things in there somewhere only to come out again especially at night depsite them having no lights and just riding on the roads depsite them being unregistered for road use and unregisterable for road use and quite often wrecks-on-wheels that they keep getting over and over again.

Got the idea yet of this shithole?

Once again, I thought things for the past couple of weeks were (at least on the surface to all casual appearances) 'getting better'...but it's NOT. Thing are still going on just being better 'covered up.'

So anyway, there was that Ranger vehicle roaming about today this morning on Monday, 20th of August 2018.

There has been false calm about.

Children? are at the local unfenced school grounds and fenced classrooms areas I believe.

NO children as far as I know dares to walk around this hellhole area.

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As I said, the weather is changing and there's a LOT of rain coming over the next week or more, and the temperatures will drop...as if the nights couldn't get any colder.

Poeple have been mowing their front grass areas including verges (since the Swan Shire refuses to do it except under timescales which have no determinations according to seasons or weather), and so everyones front grass verges have ben growing so high that residents have been forced into doing it themselves...or the shire might fine them for having such 'unkept' front verges, despite residents having no legal rights to be using verges at all in any way according to the shire........yes, it's THAT fucking crazy.......

And everything is worse when all the grass dies to become like straw or hay upon the ground a target for roaming wandering shitheads to set fire to........and THEN residents get blamed for that too.....for not having a lovely green lawn........

Did I tell you this is a hellhole?

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There is a lot of rain about to come in today and settle in all week.

I've done what I can depsite a great deal of pain to prepare for all that to try an not be forced to go outside and get drenched and so very unwell from it all. Ditto for dear poor Sam and dear poor Max.

Poor Max is becoming more unwell. Both poro Sam and poor Max I'm keeping as well-fed as I can, and as dry as I can, and as safe as I can, and loved and cared for. And they are kept dry and warm as much as I can, and which in time when the deathly heat (daylight and darkness) will become something I have to keep them cool and plenty of water as I can despite myself bucketting sweat and nearly fainting in the heat. And that will go on for many many many months.

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I was awoken long before dawn by my heart racing and pounding in my ears this morning.

I fed poor Sam and poor Max to avoid getting soaked by any rain and having to take them outside into the backyard to do their ablutions.

They ALWAYS look for dear Fliss and are ALWAYS heavily distressed by her not being with us. They go to the side-gate to look for her and she's not there, they go to the car and she's not there, they search all about the backyard and she's not there,.....all that is about is the stench of roaming feral cats (STILL) all about the area, this shitty pissing things that climb over fences and invade innocent peoples yards and foul innocent peoples and yards.

Maybe THAT was also why the Shire Ranger was about this morning? - But they're NEVER around when the Rangers are around...

Many of the damn cats also come from Bellevue the subrub next door to this hellhole area, and THAT place has roaming foul cats as well and also has feral aboriginal places as well......

Anyway, this area is a hellhole........

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The shitty LOUD low flying big jet aircraft from Perth Airport (as one is flying overhead as I type this), tearing through the sky loudly fly right over THIS hellhole. (that's what woke me up early this morning before dawn).

Not even laying in bed asleep is allowed in this hellhole......

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The old guy (the one who stands by his fence and LOUDLY yells out at any and everyone) has been strangely absent from doing that the past several days. And his front gate which is usually kept CLOSED at all times and tied up with wire, that gate has been left open day after day.....

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Important paperwork has 'gone missing'...and I suspect imbecile is to blame for that since he fossicks about all through this house, in my bedroom, and all through cupboards and everywhere looking for thigs to steal.

He has had employent in the past but been sacked for thievery? - And also for physical violence to others.

And f course he does NOT ever EVER tell me about any of ANY of that anymore...he had his own breakdown long ago after an affair with Jane F., who used him and exploited him for any and everything.

And months ago I saw her literally nearby, no doubt trying the same scams upon another person nearby, because THAT is what she does and has done for so many years, using people, and the very things I had been warning of to dear Fliss before she had her first mental breakdown as she tried to help Jane F. but was totally exploited by her in any and every way including immensely monetary despite our OWN finances being so very very poor and desperate. (which we never sought help from anybody for and kept honestly struggling).

I suspect that 'missing paperwork' has got something to do with all that...but I cannot discuss it with anybody. Nobody will beleive me. And it all adds constant stress to my already great stress and turmoil and hell.

I DO NOT TRUST ANYBODY ANYMORE AND HAVE NOT DONE SO SINCE DEAR FLISS ABANDONED ME AND POOR SAM AND POOR MAX AT THIS HELLHOLE.

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It feels to myself like today is a Saturday. That's because of terrible lack of sleep and because imbecile is not going to daily work and is staying here all the time. He says nothing. He speaks to nobody. But he goes out at his whim at anytime.

Hence I keep the driveway cleaned up of poor Sam and poor Max's ablutions or else imbecile is liable to go off his brain more than he usually is and go into his mad loud mutterings day and night. (HE IS A VIOLENT PERSON.) - He keeps his bedroom door utterly closed to prevent ANY interaction with me with talking about ANYTHING with him even important matters. And he plays on his games machines incessantly day and night.

And when he uses any water taps, he never turns any of them properly so that they constantly leak...until I have to use them and it's only THEN they're turned off properly. - I expect he imagines in his brain that HE turns them off properly. What a deranged joke he has spining in his head of normality and intelligence.

NOBODY can understand the actions of this person. And it was one thing that poor dear Fliss could not handle and it added to her own terrible physical and mental malaise.

And I got the blame for ALL THAT! - FFS!

And I got the blame for all the damned criminal aboriginals! - FFS!

And I got the blame for all dear Fliss's terrible financial problems! - FFS!

And no matter WHAT I did to make dear Fliss's life as carefree without any pressures or any kind and including financial and personal and employment concerns and people terribly taking advantage of dear Fliss and us.....I got the fucking blame! - FFS!

I have alwasy been innocent and gentle and so has dear Fliss. But poor Fliss has suffered so very very hard from her terrible ailments that occurred long before I ever met her. As well as a terrible violent criminal assault upon herself by violent aboriginals before I had even known dear Fliss existed on the other side of Australia or met her.

But depsite all that, I love her so very very much and have protected her so very very very much, and I have NOT abandoned dear Fliss in heart mind or soul despite every fucker telling me to just give up on her and abandon her, the VERY things that she was always terrified of, even from her own family. Dear Fliss has always been terrified of her mother's thoughts and actions and felt utterly constrained by them no matter what dear Fliss tried in life in an way. Dear Fliss dearly loves her father and has the utmost respect for him. - For the rest of dear Fliss's family she had varying degrees of disdain, respect and love yes, but tempered with disdain, and how she was treated by them all. (all this dear Fliss told me privately herself over many years). - And do NOT blame dear Fliss for things, least of all telling me these things. I saw how dear Fliss was treated for myself when I accompanied her (at Fliss's insistance) to vist them once years ago on the other side of Australia for the first time. I've written about that before. It was before Fliss's second mental breakdown. A breakdown of course NOT caused by me or anything. Poor dear Fliss was being hounded in her trying to establish her employment by departmentals and then for many others because she was constantly losing jobs, or being fired from them, and we were always so desperate for maintaining our own honest finances and to be an independent couple.

But I have been abandoned and left to die. And I have been blamed for any and everything no matter how truthfully innocent I have always been.

Dear poor Sam and dear poor Max I expect feel the same.- I am trying to take care of them as best I can no matter how much I am suffering, especially in this hellhole.

But nothing good ever comes to me in my life. Nor has it done so since dear Fliss had a mental breakdown and fled from here years ago in a sudden deranged state of manner and fled right across Australia to her parents so they again could care for her and keep her incommunicado especially from me and poor Sam and poor Max and everthing dear Fliss and myself have struggled so heavily at great physical hardship to us both as a well as financial to come into being. And whilst she relied upon me to 'keep her sane' as she often would say to me in private...she never really showed to ANYONE how bad she was becoming. And when I tried to tell anyone, they refused to believe me. And afterwards when dear Fliss abandoned us here at this hellhole, she has told everyone that everything was all my fault so she could once more be embraced back into the fold of her family and everyone under those false lies.

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I love you dear Fliss and want to be with you. So many of your things are still left here Fliss, not of any monetary value to anyone, but of a deeply personal value to you. Such as poor myself and poor Sam and poor Max and even the poor chicken YOU rescued and brougt home here to join our others and live happily. But ALL the opther poor chickens have ALL died, leaving the chicken that you rescued to live here all alone, which is so very very lonely though I try to give it as much company as I can, and feed it, and protect it, and keep it dry, and give it plenty of water. -- WE ARE ALL SUFFERING WITHOUT YOU DEAREST FLISS BEING WITH US. - Poor dear Sam and dear Max are still having terrible nigtmares, still howling in their sleep, and which is loud enough to wake me up which I then try to rescue them from their nightmares. - But at this hellhole, there is no rescuing for me. Nor has there been any word from you despite YOU PROMISING me that you would stay in contact until you 'got better' and would return. -- Without YOU dear FLiss, this time apart from you has NOT been purgatory, it has been utter HELL and contnues to be so.

Things on the surface around this hehllhole area appears to have changed but it's all just on the surface...the same criminals are still about, and interacting with other criminals, and moving in with other criminals (sometimes quite temporarily) and each day is just another day waiting for the newest aspect of hell to occur or erupt.

The utter lies about the 'new' Perth Airport runway air traffic is still being peddled by authorities and the airport itself. The jet aircraft fly right over this hellhole and we're all supposed to 'ignore it all' day and night at all hours of any and every day despite how frequent and how loud it all is and forever grows in frequency.

I'm going to let outside now and go with them for their safety poor dear Sam and dear Max before it pours down with rain, rain that is to be going on for many days to come, and be terribly COLD, and miserable.

And I'll be blamed for all that........

I love you dear Fliss and want to be with you.

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trendingnewsb · 8 years ago

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MIA: This is a white country, you dont have to spell it out to me

Maya Arulpragasam is bringing dancehall, hip-hop and grime to this years Meltdown. Is the outspoken British Sri Lankan the best argument for positive cultural appropriation?

The Guardian said that you couldnt shag to my record. As conversational openers go, MIAs beats the banal niceties of, say, Hello, how are you doing?. Its no surprise that she charges straight into a chat about why her last album was considered too confrontational for the bedroom by this paper. Its an icebreaker moulded to MIAs very own design: abrasive, compelling, underpinned by sex. Yeah, she finally concedes with a grin when I suggest we move past it, you cant have it all, can you?

Its a theme she warms up to when we talk about her edition of Meltdown at the Southbank Centre, which were ostensibly here to discuss. Usually, I wouldnt do something like this, she says, slouched under an oversized khaki coat dress. [But the organisers] were like: Hey, you can do whatever you want. Still, putting on the South Banks annual festival, curated in previous years by the likes of David Bowie, David Byrne and Patti Smith, has turned out to be a fairly arduous affair for MIA who says she doesnt do computers at the moment.

They didnt tell me it was nine days long. I thought it was a weekend. And then all my lists were, like, Well, this person wont be in London and that person is doing Glastonbury. Organising festivals is actually really complicated, she stresses. It wasnt just about dreaming something and then it appeared. Programming literally means, like, programming.

For all that Maya Arulpragasam didnt quite know what she was letting herself in for, one suspects the Southbank Centre didnt either; logistics aside, the mornings photoshoot has already been met with some flapping from the press officer made nervous by MIA climbing on the roof without safety clearance. Still, her lineup dancehall, Brooklyn hip-hop, depressive Swedish rap and Nigerian grime is perhaps the most underground the festival has seen in its 24 years. How much is she expecting to shake up its comfortable concert halls, cafe bars and conference-room spaces?

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Click here to watch the video for last years Go Off.

When I was a teenager in London, I would just get a Travelcard and go somewhere, explore the city and go to weird places, she says. I would never judge the place, like, This is middle class and white. This is a white country, you dont have to spell it out to me, but there wasnt ever a limit on where I could go or what I could do.

A long, elliptical digression on London then and now follows, which takes in the optimistic multiculturalism of the 90s, Tamil house parties, empire and British identity. Its the bento box of an MIA interview: individually contained ideas that dont obviously bleed into one another and yet, overall, make a collective sense if youre prepared to go with it. Thats the key thing about MIA: you have to be willing to go with her to properly get her. Given that she still looks and sounds like a beautiful, bratty, art-school upstart and is prone to labyrinthine tangents, its easy to portray her as inarticulate or unhinged. But MIAs intelligence is instinctive rather than intellectual, and fuelled by the political.

The Mehrabian maxim that reckons that only 7% of communication is verbal is one that might best be proven by the transcript of a chat with MIA removed of all tone, attitude, context and body language. Take, for instance, her explanation of why only the future remains relevant:

As humans, we dont use our past and our history to work out the importance of what our role is in the present, she says. And if you cant use the past to define your present, then it should not be an element that holds back the future. Greece is a perfect example. More than Britain, they were brought to their knees, and not a single white country thought about saving them. And it was part of their heritage. Its where their mythology comes from or their concept of capitalism and democracy comes from. Nobody cared, everybody cared about the modern. Right?

Kim Kardashian is actually more powerful than Greece. She has more money than the whole of Greece, she continues. Therefore, thats where the power lies. If you then define it that way, then you kind of just have to live with that. And maybe whats happening in modern society: that if youre going to judge it by that, then other countries are gonna come in and define the future.

In print, its a statement that seems lacking in logic and coherence. In the moment, Im fairly sure Im able to follow her and we go on to consider how and where this future is being defined (for the record: You cant ignore the fact that China is going to be doing their thing in the next 50 years) and how Arulpragasam believes the immigration issue has become a red herring covering up a truth that can explain the American and British swing to conservative populism.

With Brexit, the idea was to get away from Europe and reinvent our identity, she says. And really, that identity was going to be American, but then they gave us Trump! So, everyone now is like, Oh shit, what is Britain? Are we going to rewind back to the 1800s? We cant. Its too late for that. So, going forward, we need a charismatic leader who then va va vooms the British identity. And we dont have that either.

People thinking that Im a bitch is totally unwarranted … MIA. Photograph: Stephanie Sian Smith/The Guide

The prime minister has called a snap election on the day we meet. Does MIA have any faith in our political system? Or in the left?

Everyone keeps going, Corbyn cant do this, but its, like, well, who else is there? she says. If people just left him alone to actually do the job and actually gave him some support, maybe hed be different. Treating him with so much contempt fighting that takes all his energy. How the fuck do you expect him to do interesting things? In any case insists the estranged daughter of a Tamil revolutionary, politicians are people who couldnt get jobs somewhere else.

MIAs politics, unwieldy and unslick though they may be, have often made her an easy target for tedious sneering in the press; the most insistent narrative is that, like Banksy, shes big on arch, subversive statement but lacks substance. Or that she is a hypocrite for making herself the poster girl for the worlds most marginalised people. And yet, shes one of the best pop stars Britain has ever produced. For all the ear-clanging experimentation of her five albums, MIA has always kept a sleeve full of pop bangers Bucky Done Gun, Paper Planes, Bad Girls, Finally that have sounded like little that came before or since her. Even if she didnt have the tunes, here is an art-school refugee Sri Lankan single mother with a visual aesthetic co-opted by everyone from Vetements to Versace who was born into political rebellion and revels in controversy. Gleefully gauche and carefree, MIA is the best argument for when cultural appropriation works. Bland singer-songstress beloved of Radio 2 playlists she isnt. So how much has the criticism bothered her?

People thinking that Im a bitch is totally unwarranted because Im not, she ays. I just had to fight for shit, and I still do. I just dont care any more. I dont know. She stops and starts. What I deal with as an artist, the media, the public persona, its a walk in the fucking park, compared to how confusing the universe really fucking is. Theres so much beauty in it and theres so much mystery, theres so much confusing shit in it. That is way more interesting to think about than why, like, Patricia hates me. You know what I mean? I laugh. Its like, Who the fuck is Patricia? and How can Patricia say this shit about me?. It just does not matter to me at all.As it is, she says shes most preoccupied with how to be a functioning grown up, an adult and a mother to an eight-year-old son (whose father Benjamin Bronfman is son to the billionaire heir of the Seagram fortune) born into immense privilege.

When the war came to an end in Sri Lanka in 2009, it actually did affect me, she explains. Everyone was, like, What the fuck does she know? Shes, like, a pop star, but that was my life. It was 50% of who I was, it was my identity. I didnt know what to do with myself. So I had a kid. Its the year the cause died, but the year my personal cause my son was born. And then, OK, I have to figure out what to do in very small parameters: I have a son, how is he going to see his grandma, am I going to make it there on Saturday? Can I make sure that I dont mess up his head by being depressed about certain things?

She struggles to reconcile her upbringing poor and living in Sri Lanka for her childhood to poor and living on a council estate in Mitcham, south London, in her adolescence with her sons. Im not very straightforward as an immigrant. That whole My kids would never see the pain that I saw; Im not like that. Im totally up for reintroducing him to the pain. I dont have any qualms about that. Her problems havent changed, she says, because of money or better circumstances. Whether Im in a mansion or a council flat, I would feel the same anxiety waking up going: I need to write this thing in a scrapbook, wheres my notepad? I would still have all those problems. I might still overcook the fish fingers. Those things are not going to magically transform because your house has changed. At the beginning I thought that money couldve saved my family. Very quickly I realised that money is not the thing.

Her conflict in wanting to being huge and commercial versus credible and ahead of the curve has been a persistent tension threaded through MIAs career. When I got into the music game, it was never an option to shut up and make lots of money. she says. To be a huge pop star, I would have to be, like, Yes, I think bombing Afghanistan was a great idea, I love our democracy and what it has achieved. I love the American flag and Im going to make a jumpsuit out of it. I just think it was important to have all of those Arab Springs, and its great and lets drink Coca-Cola. I had to do that, and do it all in a thong. Could I have done that if it meant that my mum had the nicest house in Chiswick by the river?

youtube

Click here to se the video for MIAs Bad Girls.

Does she worry about money now? If youre preaching living within your means, you have to, to some extent. But I also know that if youre someone in society that speaks out about injustice or political issues, one of the things that happens is that you get economically punished, 100%. I take that hit all the time.

The most recent, obvious example was MIA being forced to quit her headline slot at Afropunk last year, following a contentious quote in which she asked in an interview why Beyonc and Kendrick Lamar might not discuss why Muslim lives matter or Syrian lives matter. I dont regret [raising the issue], she says, with triumphant chutzpah. You saw how bad it was. And the Muslim ban didnt happen just with Trump, it was already happening under Obama. But you couldnt say that about him, you couldnt say that he introduced the Muslim ban, or banned seven different countries, or was already monitoring people, or dropped more bombs than Trump has. In truth, Obamas administration did identify the seven countries on Trumps list for additional screening measures, but it didnt bar their nationals. Shes already skipped ahead. The quantity of damage cant be quantified right now, she insists. Well have to wait the four years. After eight years of Obama, we kind of knew [his failings], but we just werent allowed to say them because he was so great. He was better than any person in Hollywood that I wouldve watched. He was really likable and just had loads of swag. That doesnt mean that you have to deny the truth, though.

This (and much more) comes moments after she tells me she has no time for opinions these days. She claims she doesnt read the news any more and that her primary sources for information are customers at the local kebab shop, taxi drivers and then sort of figuring it out. What about the state of the world? MIAs moment as an agitprop pop activist has never seemed more potent. Politics? I have no time for these things because Im so stuck in the zone. Ive become a hermit. [Meltdown] is actually giving me the chance to actually go out and meet people again. Ive gone for weeks without talking to a person, I do that happily. I tell her I dont believe her, as I suspect it would be a recipe for her to go fully barmy.

Im actually quite an extreme person, so I dont see that as madness. I see that as, like, solitude, doing a phase of solitude is not that bad. After declaring her fifth album AIM to be her final one, shes also trying to find new ways to channel her creativity. Im trying to write a film. I havent stepped into it yet because I want it to be good. Once you hit the start button you cant really stop it. She has, she tells me, the added complication of ADD to contend with. When was that diagnosed? I just have it. Dont even need diagnosis, its a waste of time, its a waste of the NHS. In truly blithe MIA style, she adds: Its just when you have too many ideas and not enough ways to get them out.

MIAs Meltdown is at the Southbank Centre, SE1, 9-18 June