#but somehow i haven't really crashed or felt more tired than usual yet?

[novelmonger]

I feel like all of my time is being stolen away these days because we're remodeling the bathrooms. It doesn't actually require much of me at all, but somehow just having workers in the house and not always knowing where they're going to be and when makes me feel on edge all day. And somehow that precludes me from getting anything done, apparently.

Anyway, I've gotten to chapter 12 of 35 in my punctuation textbook. I was planning to put in a few solid hours of work today, but I didn't do any at all, and I'm not entirely sure why. Feeling rather discouraged, even though a large chunk of the time I spent not doing homework was spent on writing and brainstorming, so it's not like I wasn't being productive. Just productive in a different area than I was expecting. And everything seems to take five times longer than I realize it will.

[rockinggirl06]

TRULY MADLY DEEPLY 💕

✨A Jily Songfic Oneshot✨

Wattpad + Tumblr Masterlist

Likes liked ! Reblogs adored ! Comments LOVED ! + Stealing is a crime !

Warnings: none ! Pure beautiful fluff !

Note: I highly recommend keeping the song on repeat on Spotify while reading the oneshot =)

- -

A one-shot inspired by and about Jily's wedding night and after. A James POV in verse. A Lily POV in chorus.

- -

Am I asleep, am I awake, or somewhere in between?

The boy woke up from his slumber. Shaking his head, he tried to recollect the memories of the night before. A cheeky grin enveloped his features as the thoughts of the day before flooded his mind.

I can't believe that you are here and lying next to me

His eyes fell upon the redheaded angel-like face, her chest heaving slightly up and down with every breath. He ran his fingers through his jet-black hair which seemed more untidy than ever due to last night's.. *ahem* activities.

Or did I dream that we were perfectly entwined?

Was this it? Was his mind playing tricks on him? Had it all been a dream? He already found it hard to believe that the girl had actually agreed to go out with him in seventh year..

Like branches on a tree, or twigs caught on a vine?

And now she was under his sheets. His sheets.

Like all those days and weeks and months I tried to steal a kiss

The uncountable times James Fleamont Potter had confessed his undying love for her to which she would just roll her eyes at the boy's childishness. All those times he tried to steal a kiss during their little studying sessions and how she simply would playfully stick out her tongue at him.

And all those sleepless nights and daydreams where I pictured this,

His three mates had grown tired of hearing the lovesick boy's mutterings about how he'd one day marry her. And his parchment and quills were also very  aware of the boy's hopelessness as random doodles with her name entwined always found their way on the corners of essays.

I'm just the underdog who finally got the girl

And there she was. The girl he had chased for as long as he can remember. Bright fiery red hair with a fiery personality to match: Lily Evans.

Potter now, actually.

And I am not ashamed to tell it to the world

The way he spinned her around wih glee when she nodded a tearful yes, the way a certain professor had gotten a wedding invitation with a "PS. I told you she loved me, Minnie." And the way he had sang louder than anyone else in the shower that day possibly making the entire Gryffindor house aware of his joy. The boy was head over heels in love, and well, she was falling too.

---

Truly, madly, deeply, I am

And he was on his knee. A gasp escaped from her mouth. This was the moment. Their moment. All her subtle stolen glances at him and the way he made her heart flutter everytime a teasing 'Evans' drawed from his lips.. all of that had lead to this. Tears lined her eyes as she nodded a yes.

Foolishly, completely falling

As a friendship blossomed between the destined pair, they took on their head boy and head girl duties. Potter had stopped with his continual display of affections to the girl and yet now the girl had started falling. Hard. Maybe she always liked him along the way. And it definitely didn't help how much taller and handsome he had grown over the summer.

And somehow you kicked all my walls in

And one day she couldn't help herself. On a patrol as usual as ever, she pinned the boy against the wall and kissed him. All those walls set up came crashing down as their lips crashed.

So baby, say you'll always keep me

After breaking apart, a red hue similar to her hair took over her corsage as the boy simply grinned in amusement and euphoria, and teased, "Alright there, Evans?"

Did she really hate the messy haired boy with the glasses? Nah she didn't.

Truly, madly, crazy, deeply in love with you

With all the roses and candles the boy had set up at their first night together as husband and wife, she couldn't have asked for anything else. And here she was remembering the events of last night where she had pulled his body into hers and made love as he kissed each and every one of her freckles softly.

In love with you

She was truly in love. In crazy, stupid, cliché, cheesy but beautiful love.

---

Should I put coffee and granola on a tray in bed?

She lay beside him and for the first time, he was confused. What was he supposed to do?? Prepare her breakfast? That would please her, right? His father always cooked for his mother. And he definitely could make a mean omelette.

And wake you up with all the words that I still haven't said?

But would that be the newly wed "husband" thing to do? Maybe he should wake her up murmuring sweet things in her ear? But on the other hand, the last time he woke her up, he'd gotten himself punched square in the jaw. And Evans —Potter! He kept forgetting yet always corrected himself with a shy smile— was rather strong.

And tender touches, just to show you how I feel

His tense shoulders relaxed as he simply admired the sight before him. Caressing her face, he tucked some of her red locks behind her ear as he placed a soft kiss upon her cheek. He could simply count all the freckles on her face over and over again. He'd never get tired of looking at her.

Or should I act so cool like it was no big deal?

Maybe he should just get up and shower. Did girls like it when boys made fuss about this or not? Well, then again, it was their wedding night. All doubts from his head were washed away as she gave a small smile and leaned into the touch of his hand which lay caressing her cheek. Maybe he'd just stay here for a few more moments, he decided.

Wish I could freeze this moment in a frame and stay like this

And to think everyone in the wizarding work knew we were on the brink of war. No! He refused to think of that right now. 'Live in the moment,' his best friend had always told him. And that's what he did. He snuggled closer towards the girl, putting an arm over her gently, and pulled her flush against his bare chest.

I'll put this day back on replay and keep reliving it

He buried his face in the crook of her neck and her sweet flowery scent consumed his senses. Their bodies entangled together beautifully and he couldn't think of a better day to start a day. He could now. He would now wake up every day to the love of his life. Maybe until when they were 100. Yeah, yeah he definitely would, the boy declared in his thoughts.

'Cause here's the tragic truth if you don't feel the same

People might consider it rather childish: the way he would confess his love for her ever since their third year. But he truly meant every love confession to her growing up. Maybe it was the sweet tinkling sound of her laughter, or her adorable pout whenever Flitwick assigned extra homework or Merlin, it was probably that one time she flirted with him after a Quidditch Match which caused him to become infatuated with her forever.

My heart would fall apart if someone said your name

And he truly loved her so much, words were never enough to describe it. He really hoped she felt the same.

---

And truly, madly, deeply, I am

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid." She meant that actually. James Potter was definitely an arrogant toerag. But that's the thing. He was.

Somewhere along the way, the prideful egotistic boy had become a caring and proper man.  Her green eyes couldn't help but linger on him more as his usual bullying time was replaced by maturity. That time turned into taking care of his werewolf friend, or even time for comforting his best friend who cried into his arms in the corner of the common room some nights.

And soon enough, a friendship blossomed between the unlikely pair of the redhead and the brunet.

Foolishly, completely falling

And sooner it turned into more..

"Ariel, Ariel uh- let down your window?" One night, a rather confused whisper came from Lily's bedroom window. With a startle the girl rushed to slide up the windowpane and was met with the lopsided grin and the familiar hazel eyes with a playful twinkle looking back at her. "Potter!" She shook her head with a chuckle as she allowed him in. "Evans.. I missed you, okay?" he drawed out sheepishly as he gently pulled her closer by her waist. Heat rose to her cheeks as she looked up at him.

And somehow you kicked all my walls in

The boy leaned down towards her lips unable to resist the girl any longer but Lily turned away at the last moment (resulting a rather sad pout on the boy's lips) as she heard her name being called downstairs. "Lily! Next time your boyfriend wants to visit at 12 am, tell him to use the door, okay? My rose bushes are ruined!!"

So baby, say you'll always keep me

And now she was waking up beside him.

She meekly opened her right eye to see if her husband —yes, husband she reminded herself proudly—was still asleep. A lazy smile on his lips, she was greeted with a drawl in his low morning voice, "Good morning, Evans."

Truly, madly, crazy, deeply in love with you

His infuriating smirks had now grown into breathtaking smiles. And he gave her one right now earning a blush upon the girl's cheeks. In his arms and close was exactly where Lily wanted to be. She smiled back endearing and simply looked at him with awe, treasuring the moment, before closing the distance between them. As she pecked his soft lips, she murmured into them, 'Potter, actually."

She was his and him, hers.

All was well.

Anyone catch the ending words reference? The first time I heard this song some months ago (maybe even a year oop—) , I just knew it SCREAMED #Jily. And so here I am finally writing and publishing this !

Thanks for reading and love you all you beautiful people !

Riri <3

[anochuu]

kimetsu no yaiba | reverse harem

⤧feat Sanemi, Uzui, Giyū and Kyōjurō

⤧ Fluff

⤧Slightly Rated

⤧Long oneshot

"Giyū."

The ravenette young man slowly find himself tossing the drowsiness away and have come to an awaken when that certain voice calls out for him-his eyelids fluttering open trying to adjust with the light of the afternoon sun.But a shadow seem to conceal them right around his view;coming to a clear it is someone who is looking down at him.

He blinks the sleepiness away which made the female slip a few faint chuckles from her lips,he really looked like a child waking up from his nap.

"Should you really be sleeping here outside?"

He stifle a yawn,now forcing himself to sit upright with a stretch of his arms.He looks at his surroundings momentarily where he remembered planning to take a short rest by the engawa in one of the Ubuyashiki's estate where it meant for the other demon hunters to sleep in.

"Why not?"

"Are you serious? You just got back from an injured mission,did you not? What happened to resting in Shinobu's place?" She sat herself down on the veranda as well now,she is not wearing her haori so Giyū must have guessed she left it back at her own room.

"What about you?" He ask,voice groggy and hoarse when his throat felt dry

"Me?" She blinks twice,

"You just got back from a mission too.Why are you here?"

"You noticed?" Her smile slowly broke out,widening their form that always manage to make Giyū heart flutters in a pleasing way.

"I was just on my way back home 'till i smelt your scent here."

"My scent?"

She nods, "Yeah, after all, Giyū scent is unique tee-hee."

Oh have mercy with his heart

"Is that so.." He murmur,gaze casts downwards and she who senses it lean closer,cradling his cheek with one of her hand, shifting the warmth of her palm to his cold skin.

"You look really tired,Giyū.Will you not rest properly?" She sounded very concern and he uses this chance to lean against her touch.

"Will you be here?" He knows he is acting like a pampered child right now but he can't help it.Whenever (y/n) is around he will only show that fragility side of his only to her;her who manage to thaw the ice in his heart.  Her words are very delicate,assuring and soft which he found himself falling to her sweet honey voice all the damn time.

(y/n)’s lips curve a small but genuine smile, "May i come closer?"

This is what he loves about her; she will always ask for his consent though she knows very well that he will always say yes nonetheless but she still does.  Giyū nodded and she scooted closer where his arms opened ready to welcoming her into his embrace that eventually often ended up with his head resting upon her lap; loving how she would ran through her fingers to comb his black locks,soothing both his mind and physique.

"I met a boy today." He conversed,

 "His whole family was slaughtered by the demons." And he felt her touch stops for a second,before continuing again.

"But left for his sister."

"And i take it you saved them?"

He didn't answer as the silence hovers above the two.

"(y/n)."

"Hm?"

His navy blue gaze bore intensely into her (e/c) ones, "No matter what happened later,will you trust me?"

Her smile slowly fell,she looks like she is trying to figure out the reason behind his eyes but couldn't find any;so what is he talking about?

"Was it life-threatening to you?"

"...yes."

"Will it ease your mind if i said i will?"

He doesn't move or utter a word though his stare never left hers.Sometimes Giyū is unreadable and (y/n) is having difficult times to understand him but all so far ever since she met him, he never hurt her in fact, he adores her so that he  will always remind her through words and actions that he is very caring.

"As long as Giyū believes what's right,then i will believe you too." She concluded.

My dear,what a beautiful creature and her heart so

With that said, Giyū prop himself up, levelling his gaze with hers.He waste no second as he dip in to a soft kiss to her plush ones that looks very irresistible with its natural rosey colour,inviting him to taste it.  One hand went to the back of her head as he leans deeper in result for the girl to arch her back-Giyū took the advantage to let her lie down onto the floor,his mouth working against hers in a fiery but yet soft passionate lock.

(y/n) shut both her eyes closed;wrapping her small arms around his neck intend to pull him closer;his scent getting stronger into her sensitive nose.His grip around her hip is gentle and that almost tickles her.

Her lips are very sweet like bees seeking for the sweetness of nectar buried inside a flower;her smell of faint lily only tantalise his yearning for her even profound.  Does the other men feel like this too whenever they got closer to her? So does that mean she is not only his alone?

He knows (y/n)’s trait is to be kind to everyone but right now he couldn't see it as anything but upsetting. Because that trait only suitable with someone as bright as her; like Rengoku does.

But will he withdraw from it? Of course not. Not when he can get to hold her like this as he wishes to.  He deepens the kiss,she feels the slight tip of his tongue brushes against hers.

"(y/n)."

She is madly obsess with Giyū’s voice whenever he would whisper her name between their mingled breaths.So it is fitting to return the favour,

"Giyū.."

"Lady (y/n)!"

The girl spun around noticing the very familiar vibrant yellow-haired young man with red streaks approaching towards her,his white haori flutters behind his back accompanies with his usual bright smile that could lit almost everyone's day in an instance just by looking at it

"Kyōjurō!" Her face breaks into a wide smile,lifted the edge of her kimono to run straight to him almost stumbling along the way.She tackles the Flame Pillar to a hug which he then brought her for a single spin

"I haven't seen you for some times! Where have you been? How are you?"

"Slow down there ,goddess.I will answer one at a time." He laughs,still refusing to let the girl go.Not that she is complaining but she had longed to be in his strong embrace again,his comforting warmth and she simply cannot go a day without having Rengoku in her lives.

"I was training the kids that got recruited recently into the Corps.I'm sorry i haven't been seeing you recently,i missed you." Rengoku leans in,burying his nose into the crook of her neck with strands of his hair tickling the side of her face.

"You are a teacher now? That occupation suits you the best,have you ever heard yourself through speech?"

"Do not tease me my love." He chuckles, "And how are you? i have a break so i drop by in hoping i can see you." He caresses his lips across her cheekbone,feeling the warm breath swept onto her skin causing shivers down her spine.

"Drop b—" But then she remembered, there is no one by the estate other than her currently.She had sent all her retainers out for a day off in return for their hard work these past few days so how?

"Did you just—jumped over the walls?"

"Yep!" His face is beaming instead of feeling guilty, "I knocked but no one answered!"

"And you see it fitting to sneaked in instead?"

"Why not?" He laughs,"Do you not like it when i sneaked in to see you?" His sunset pair of vivid eyes softens at her sight making all the heat crept up from her neck and gradually gathers on both her pale cheeks colouring it beet red,

"That's so sly of you.."

There is a hint of smirk on his face, "Look at me (y/n)."

When she does, Rengoku peers into her face, "I want to kiss you."

In his eyes, it is frustrating how other men gets to see how beautiful and breathtaking her face is in this close space. The thoughts where others could ran their fingers upon her skin irks his mind that he needed to confirm something, to sate his frustration behind his gaily facade. He remembers where she lies down with Giyū beside when he found her taking a break valuing the time to spend with her when it becomes so busy.  Not to mention the other two Pillars that couldn't keep his hands off her;especially Shinazugawa.

With the devil lurking behind his head,he didn't wait for her respond as Rengoku dive in for a fierce kiss.

Ah His rough and chapped lips crash on hers;stealing all her oxygen away immediately as she held onto the fabric of his haori,his strong bicep went over the back of her waist to crush her body on him to enjoy the warmth and hopefully her scent that will linger on his clothes so he can catch a whiff of her on him at times.

When his kisses became desperate and rough, her mind went blank and she lost her own control letting him swallow every of her small tiny moans,

"Breathe through your nose,(y/n)." He whispers between kisses, "Regulate them."

Even now,he sounded like a good teacher but it somehow stimulates her even more while on the other hand he can feel her breath getting unsteady and he will have no choice but to end this soon so he reminded her again to allow it lasts longer.

How adorable

He pulls away after making sure to leave a bite on her lower lip.(y/n) collapse on his broad chest,inhaling the air that escaped from her lungs.Rengoku continue to kiss the side of her head lovingly,

"I knew sneaking in always got to see you."

"Will you,(y/n)?"

"For the last time,Uzui i won't be your fourth wife."

"Why not?"

"I'm not a fan of sharing."

The male hums,watching her figure around and about in the garden and he thanked the heavens above he chose the right timing to came by. (y/n) will always changes her outfits whenever she is done with missions; so he gets to see her other side of beauties.

"Uzui..?"

"Mhm don't mind me,darling.Keep doing whatever you're doing."

"I'm asking a question,silly." She laughs,that melodious light sound that sings for his heart.

"You look wonderful in anything,exceeding my flamboyant type." He merrily said,watching from earlier where the servants of her house behind her held the colourful obis and kimonos  in different patterns for her to try on.He is saying a fact though, (f/n) is downright a beautiful goddess in his eyes; her beauty exceeding every women he had ever seen in this vast world and secretly he admit,she is far more beauteous than all of his three wives.

Don't get him wrong; he insist on her marrying him is not just because of looks.She is one of the strongest female Pillars he ever encountered other than Shinobu and Mitsuri.Her special abilities is beyond expectations despite her fragile form.

  She wield both Breath of (element) and (element) user,her physical combat is remarkable and she will always proudly presents it was because of her hard training under Giyū and Kyōjurō.

Then his eyebrows form a crease between them upon other male's names in his head came across.The thing is, he had just came back from a mission for exactly a week and kami-sama knows what those vermin done to her in his absence.

"Uzui!"

He was snapped out from his own daze when he looks up to see her already standing right before him,a frown etched across her face visibly clear,

"You've been spacing out rather a lot today,something in your mind?"

"Yeah,whether to sleep at your place or mine tonight?"

His blunt response cause the heat crept up from her neck to her cheeks, "What the heck are you saying!? and in this broad daylight!"

He laughs,always find her reaction amusing, "i'm serious, will you not warm my bed tonight?" He took one of her hand in his to place chaste kiss around her fingers all the while keeping his intense maroon gaze to look into her eyes.

She smiles, "No."

Then his face fell to a sulk, "No? why no?"

"as i said,i'm not a fan of sharing." She drew her hand back to her side,noticing the ghost pout on his lips that she secretly found it very rare on a man as eccentric and loud as the Sound Pillar is.

So she tip on her toes, placing a quick but intimate peck of kiss on his lips catching the man taken aback.  He blinks at her triumphant smirk, "but this'll do for now.We shall see tonight."

He watches her back walking away as he still stand on his ground,baffled. The corner of his lips curve to a grin eventually,catching up to her,

"You think that was enough?" he huffs to himself,imagining the bigger possibilities in the back of his head once he get his hands on her tonight.

       Some say the Wind Pillar is the demon from hell himself because all he speaks are nothing but curses, rebukes not to mention his emotional rage all the damn time.  But then again, all demon slayers have their own pasts that made them who they have become today so why the judge?

Though that is still no excuse for this certain Pillar to be so rough on the rookies that they start calling him the 'lunatic pillar'

"But my Nemi is the nicest of all~!"

"GAHH! I TOLD YOU TO STOP THAT!"

(y/n) laughs out loud,doubling over whenever she got the opportunity to tease the Wind Pillar's younger brother who always turns beet red like the tomato in the Butterfly Estate's garden.

Animated steam blowing out from his both ears,unable to look at the girl in the yes because as everyone said, she is a beauty to behold and Genya who hits puberty,is now extremely shy in front of these complicated creatures.

"you are so cute!"

kami,did she even hear herself right now?

How did it come down to this? one moment he was enjoying the handmade ohagi in his engawa by himself until she decided to pay a visit out of the blue,choking the tea in his throat.

  It happens in a slip of a tongue when they were talking about his older brother,he uses his secretive nickname he always had inside his imagination.But now that she heard it loud,she simply won't just stop.

"But i completely understand you," her voice regained back to its compose, "He is just very bad at expressing himself so maybe somebody just had to teach him."

"Teach me what?"

their heads shot to the right where a drawling snarl was heard.There,the mentioned white-haired male is now approaching them closer

"Ooh if it isn't my Nemi~!"

"(Y-Y/N)-SAN!"

They sensed him flinch,his glaring eyes now glowering even darkened to the point Genya just wanted to crawl into a hole underneath the house right now.

"What the actual fuck?"

She feigned a dramatic gasp, "Nemi! watch your language,please! Hello? a kid here?"

He mutters another incoherent curses underneath his breath, running his hands through his white locks, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm stopping by on my way back from Oyakata-sama's headquarter."

He rose an eyebrow, "Why?"

"Aah,are you curious?" she wiggles her eyebrows and rather to deal with her childish act right now,he simply waved her off,heading inside the house, "never mind."

"And you, rather than slacking off why don't you train your damn limbs off?"

"Y-yes!"

She frown at the exchange yet brief conversation-well,technically not one but that is the daily talks the siblings will only get.  So (y/n) excused herself from Genya to follow the older Shinazugawa inside.

"What do you want again?" she heard him groan knowing full aware she is trailing behind him into the kitchen

"What was that? Genya was waiting for you to come home,you buffoon."

"What'd you call me?"

"Nothing," she huffs,"Would you like some tea,buffoon?"

She casually prepares the teapot and mugs from the shelves after numerous times visited his estate.He did said make herself at home so she is putting to a good use at that opportunity.

"If you're only here to talk my ear off,i'd better sleep." he grunted,crossed his arms as he leans onto the counter,watching the girl in his kitchen.

"A simple 'I made Ohagi' is a big step for him,you know?" she hands him the warm tea,

He only looks away silently sipping it,

She sighs, "Sanemi.."

She waited patiently,staring intently at the man before she heard distinct mutters behind the mug over his mouth,

"what?"

"i said i'll fucking try,okay." He gives in,mumbling.

This brought a smile upon her lips. With the close distance, Sanemi casually reaches for her hips before tugging her closer so he can hold her into his big and safe embrace,rests his forehead onto one of her shoulder,

"There,there why don't you take a rest while i accompany Genya for a while?" she caresses the back of his head,her fingers twirling at some strands of his white-titanium hair.

"Forget about that twat, i thought you're here to see me."

"That twat happens to be your brother." she lightly slap the back of his neck with a frown,a faint warn for him to watch how he speaks though that is a fairly fat chance.

"Yeah yeah whatever." Sanemi dismissed listlessly,nuzzling his nose deeper to her scent that he would be lying if he was to say it does not calm him. After a long and tiring afternoon unceasingly lone training,this is just what he needs.She always comes at the right timing.

(y/n)’s lips pulled to a firm,straight line when she then felt his lips brushes the skin along the valley between her neck and shoulders sending vague shivers down her spine.His other hand went over her back to pull the collar of her yukata down.

W..woah!

Without any warning, his teeth starts to nibble as she tensed in his arms.He carelessly place the mug from his hand to the counter behind him,knocking it over for the little liquid to spill.

"Wait,S-Sanemi—"

She let out a yelp when he starts to add little strength to bit on a certain spot,sucking them to make sure he leaves a mark.  He pulls away just enough to admire the single hickey he just made that comes to life in its redness against her skin.

She deliver a slap again but this time,on his forearm,

"Pervert,what was that for?" she frown,

"What, the mark i gave you last time gone expired,i'm only duplicating it." he shrugs but the smug smirk on his face screams sorry not sorry.

"So the other bastards know you belong to me."

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

The Remembrance Of A Kiss

I was feeling nostalgic for a fic which I wrote almost three years ago called Zeta-7 and The Kiss; it was written back when I first started writing Rnm fics. While, I don't write how I used to, I am fond of it. So, here's this finished wip. I think I'm running on nostalgia these days, for things are changing faster then I can keep up with. Anyway, I hope you guys like it. It's guaranteed to be fluffy :3

In this fic the reader thinks about a past momentous moment.

_____________________

The trouble and light anxiety you had felt about the occasion had been insignificant compared to his. Back then you had been searching for an answer or rather a solution to a predicament; the problem at the time being that you weren't sure how to broach the subject of a certain display of affection. It was neither a lack or an abundance of affection, and it seems silly now when you thought of it, which was often, but when and where had your inclination to kiss him first begin? It might have always been there, but that statement in itself seemed like a lie, for you didn't want to kiss him when you initially met him, but he had been influential; recognizing you from another time, another life, but that wasn't what you came here to talk about. No, you wanted to think of that fateful day.

That day he had been in his usual delightful mood, the kind that came about because he got to see you and was genuinely having a good day; although, with him, he tended to find good in every day and as expected he was deliciously cheerful and had a smile which could last for days upon his thin lips. Oh, how you had loved that smile for it followed you everywhere, even when you couldn't seem him; that haircut which had been copied from an old clothing catalog advertisement and moved about when he spoke; buck teeth which dentists could only dream to keep as trophies, and the hint of lip bite when he'd finished talking; it was part of the draw. You fought, swallowed, and bided your time as you thought of the ways in which you could show him you loved him. For you, there was a momentum, a force which couldn't have been stopped; beginning with his hellos, and would build as you continued to be so affected and had been desperate to satisfy the longing and affection which pulled and drowned your senses whenever he was near; it made you reason that it was the right thing to do; to express and ask if it was alright to move forward; it was and he agreed, but he never quite recovered from being kissed. 

No, you didn't mean all the kisses which occurred after and had taken place up to the present per se, but from the first one you had given him around the start of your relationship; having made such an impression, it was as though you had branded his heart and soul; that a string was tied to one of your ribs and to one of his ventricles which kept him alive only by his sheer will to withstand the forces and madness that threatened to tear him apart daily; he could never recover. You would say that he grew a little more mature that day; in mind, spirit, but not in age. To be sure, things had been so different then; Rick had been so shy when it came to romantic sensibilities, naive to others advances or otherwise natural attraction to him, believing he was unworthy of such while you had so much to learn about the mysteries of men; neither knew what the other had been going through. You hadn't known about his otherworldly adventures yet, his loneliness, or uniqueness, and he knew almost everything except your personality quirks, but as to how he knew was a different story.

Still, that was then, back when there was so much yet to be known, and you thought him to be human. You remembered how for days, he walked as though in a daze, bumping into things and hardly able to look you in the eyes without being lovestruck and tongue-tied; you were sure to watch after him to make sure you hadn't given him a stroke and assured him that he shouldn't deny his worth. Why it seemed even now he could barely function without being a little goofy after a kiss, but it was endearing; you hadn't known then about how he had been starved for affection due to lack of family and circumstances. Yet, if you had any doubts, they certainly were lessened by his attentiveness and wanting to please.

You were sure others might've tired of this behavior long ago, and you had your days in when you thought you weren't capable of managing it all, but for every time you came crashing down, he was there to help you even when you didn't want him to; for every tear and moment of grief, there was his affection which he returns out of love, gratitude, and fear all at once. Oh, if you knew then what you knew now, you would've confessed earlier; let him know how much you had cared, and tried harder to be a better friend. Still, you were making it up to him and doubted you'd ever finish making it up to him. And because he was forever grateful and happy when you kissed him, you decided to ask him one day what it was that he found so dazzling about it and to your shock, his answer endeared him to you all the more. "It's like saying h-hello." he answered matter of factly.

"Really? In what way?" 

"Gosh," he wondered, scratching the back of his neck. "it's uh - it's like touching hands, but instead of the formality of a-a handshake, you touch lips to greet and exchange not only DNA but affection. Culture or whoever happens to partake in this ritual may affect its meaning, but in such an awe-inspiring way I believe it's a reminder of trust and union; albeit more intimate."

Was that how he had felt back then? Had it been a social experiment or a daydream that had come into fruition? Perhaps neither. Maybe, he was concerned that you'd be disappointed if that so-called spark wasn't there, but the good thing was you relied more on just sparks. "So, what you mean to say is that in a sense those who kiss are bonded?"

"I th-think so."

And you believed him, for when it came to such matters, he was sincere. Why it must've hit him harder than it ever will with you, but you blamed being a creature of natural circumstance for that; your childhood and life had been happy and general for the most part, while his had more loops in it then the Whirly Dirly. Thinking of it now, the consequence of your affection was that he took to you so strongly, you were sure that if something happened to you, it might kill him; the thought being burdensome in its own right.

You had never thought of pairing the word passionate with him, but his sensibilities to and of the world in which he existed in as well as to interactions with the beings in it made you wonder if there was anything or anyone he could truly hate; himself perhaps for that was who he was most affected by. 

"Rick," you started, pushing away the unsettling thoughts as you set down the book you had been reading. "I think that's sweet. You certainly have a knack for seeing the poetic nature behind the reality, but what are your thoughts on the people who kiss for fun?"

He ruminated for a moment. It might've occurred to him that people didn't always kiss with the intention of forming serious relationships, but he would be sure to make a note of finding out later. "Gosh, I'm sure there are some benefits t-t-to it, though I haven't done much research on the matter."

Who knew where one would begin on such a subject. There were books on both physiology and psychology, but did any of them go into the happenstance of a kiss? You hadn't thought of checking, but knowing the intelligent man that he was, perhaps he had looked into it. "Research huh? Dear," you explained, "people don't just research kisses as though they are studies or hypothesized."

"Th-they don't?"

"At least not that I know of. I mean, people simply see and do. Don't they? Is there more?"

"Y-yes and no. It depends on the species."

"Hmm, I guess it does."

Again, you wouldn't know. There must've been planets, realities, and universes whose signs of affection transcended that of action, but while it was a fascinating thought, you were glad that in your reality that wasn't the case in its entirety. Searching his face, you found that his brow was scrunched up together, wondering if there was more to it. You had thought the question innocent enough, he, on the other hand, wouldn't be satisfied until he found the truth behind your inquiry. Not being one to try to disappoint him, you turned towards him and nodded. "However, I have my own answer. If you come closer I can show you what I mean."

Removing his glasses, he scooted closer; curious to see if the answer was somehow in your pocket or hiding on his face. The trust which allowed him to focus on you with conviction as you approached him was palpable. Lightly, you brushed back his bangs and passed your fingers lightly over his frown lines. Silly man, he thought too much for his own good, but if he had been unsure earlier, then the blush which dusted his ears and cheeks said otherwise. Stretching up, you pressed a light kiss on his forehead; not unlike the ones he'd give you when he thought you were asleep. And you smiled at him from the bottom of your heart. In turn, he chuckled in happy amusement; boyish in the way his eyes glimmered as though he had gotten a new toy. "Gee, that was - that was swell, but I-I don't understand. Wh-what was that for?"

"I see you and I must kiss you. It's practically the law." you giggled before repeating the action.

"Are y-y-you sure?" he wondered, tucking a lock of your hair behind your ear. 

Pulling back a little, you nodded. "I'm positive. Especially since it's what you deserve."

The light chuckle which escaped him only fed your joy as you peppered him with kisses. And before you could see it, you felt him smiling and glowing with happiness as his goofy grin returned with a vengeance. 

"Gosh," he sighed with contentment, "I-I learn something new everyday."

"I bet you do, but really a kiss is nothing to think too hard about."

"I-I know."

"If anything, I think it's based on a feeling. For example," you paused to give yourself a moment to gather your thoughts together. "the reason I kiss you is the same reason I've always had and it's because I care about you. In my own way, it's like I'm saying, 'Hello, I missed you, come here, I love you. Oh, I love you so very much. Thank you, for simply existing and being here with me.' Maybe we both have the same reason as to why words sometimes aren't enough, and while a kiss is simple, it's not always so easy to execute, but nothing is wrong with that. It's all done in its own time. In its own way. I am happy you let me kiss you way back when, because I adored you so much that it hurt. I still adore you, and you'll always be precious to me."

Glancing at you in wonderment, he played with his fingers then searched your face again. In his soul, he knew you weren't lying, but since you've first known him, he always seemed to be searching, as well as fighting his self-condemning mind and heart especially having been injured so many times. As though you had a world of answers for some of his simple questions that he would've otherwise been too embarrassed to ask, he'd open his mouth just to close it again. You had assured him on multiple occasions that he could ask you anything, but his bashful nature gave allowances for this; endearing in its own right. Once he seemed satisfied, he took out his notepad and wrote down some notes; if you didn't know any better, you'd think he was writing a thesis by the way the words slanted and blended into one another as he concentrated on the details, all the while sporting that lovestruck grin. "What are you writing dear? Is it a love letter? Is it about the trees, or bees, or whatever goes about in that wonderful head of yours?"

"I'm updating my notes."

This much you knew. "But on what? Not on kissing, right? That would be something." you teased.

"N-n-no," he answered softly, "but on you."

"Is that right? Is there any particular reason?" 

"Mhm," he nodded. "so I won't forget."

What a silly man he was, you thought. "It's ok to forget things, but I'm sure you won't. Besides, who forgets the first person they kiss?"

"N-not me."

"Of course not, especially with all the reminders that come after. I doubt I will, but reminders are appreciated. I wouldn't want to forget how happy you make me."

Slowing down his note-taking, he mentioned. "I like reminders too."

Of course he did. From years of journal keeping to the multiple watches and small computers that were scattered about the house, for there was so much going on in his head he needed help keeping his train of thought straight. It was just another way of saying in so many words, how much he loved you. "So do I. And trust me, I'll be sure to remind you a lot. As much as you need, and as often as I can. Hopefully," you winked at him. "I'll be reminded soon."

Giving your hand a squeeze, he softened. "I um - I don't mind reminding you. I-I really like reminders."

"I know, but do you like them more than adventures, or as far as that ship in the garage will take you?" you teased.

Replacing the notepad in his pocket, he nodded. "As far as 238,855 miles w-will take me."

Miles or kilometers were but measurements and distance, but that distance you were sure was not on Earth. "Do you mean to the moon?"

Pressing a light kiss to your temple, he answered. "Por supuesto, y-y más allá de eso. Please, don't forget"

Forget? Why would you forget? If there was a prelude, it was the flutter and happy giddiness which occurred when you caught him off guard, but to whatever came after, it was effervescent, sweet, and addictive. And while it could be said about a lot of things, he was far more complex. You see, you never recovered from being kissed, because you were enticed by his charm, and won by his goodness, but a kiss sealed the deal; for now and forever you belonged to him and you weren't going to let him forget it. Cupping his cheek, you replied. "I won't and I never will Ricky. You can bet on that," as you leaned forward, you whispered. "and seal it with a kiss."

Fin

[just-anka]

Ladybower trail marathon - 08/06/2019

Race day morning

My best friend from home, her 5yo daughter and J got here Thursday evening so the morning was a bit more chaotic than it usually would've been. The weather forecast for Saturday had been getting progressively worse in the days leading up to it and we woke up to pouring rain, but at that point I had kind of accepted getting soaked as inevitable :'D had the same breakfast I always eat before long runs, then drove the 20 mins out to ladybower.

The start

This was by far the tiniest race I've ever run - just under 100 starters and it didn't have the feel of a race, it looked more like a bunch of trail runners getting together for a group run in the mud and rain. I liked the atmosphere a lot, the only thing I was (stupidly) worried about was coming last - I knew I wouldn't be running a fast time but the idea of actually coming dead last somehow made me feel like I had to start out faster. I still did my best to take it slow, especially because we started out on roads which makes it even more tempting to start out too fast.

Km 1-8

It took me a while to get settled, constantly trying to slow down but not too much, and not be tempted to chase other runners, but I eventually found my pace. This first part was all gentle uphill on country roads, with great views of the reservoir. It wasn't really raining, just drizzling slightly, my legs felt fresh and I was just really enjoying myself. It's a fantastic feeling to finally start a race you've been training for for so long I think. After 8 km, we reached the first aid station where I filled my waterbottles, it was a cupless race with only 4 aid stations so I had my pack with me.

Km 9-21

After the first aid station there weren't really any runners around me anymore so I decided to put in my headphones. The following miles until the halfway point were by far the best of the whole race. Roads turned into bridleway, then single track trail with some more technical sections and some easier ones. The views were amazing and even though it was raining the whole time, it wasn't too windy or cold so I barely noticed it. I cruised up and down the rolling hills, flowing effortlessly and I just couldn't believe how good I felt. Around 10 miles I saw my friends who had walked towards me from the start "backwards" along the course. Got a high five from the kid and they all ran with me for a bit, I was so happy to see them :') my best friends dog went crazy when they stopped, he loves running with me and clearly wasn't happy to be left behind haha. A group of women running a little ahead commented on how cute he is and I ended up running with one of them for a while and we had a really nice chat - she was doing the marathon (which was her 18th o.o) as training for her first 50 miler and was so so nice. At the next aid station she stopped to wait for her friends while I went on. I reached the halfway point around 2h 13min, which was wayyy faster than planned, but I felt too good to really worry about it.

Km 22-28

The next aid station was around 22 km followed by the only actual uphill of the race. I didn't look at the race map all that much beforehand so i didn't know how long or steep it would be, just that it was the only one :'D it turned out to be only about 150m of elevation gain but it was really freaking steep. I walked the whole thing but still passed several people on it, so apparently all the hill running is sort of paying off. Once I got to the top the rain started to pick up and I was greeted by gusts of wind blowing along the edge. The view was fantastic but I didn't get much of an opportunity to take it all in because I was just sooo cold. Luckily the descent started after about a mile and the wind lessened a bit. The second half of the descent was really steep and technical and I again passed like 5 people - I'm really proud of that because when I was running with the group in the fall, my friends routinely ditched me on the downhills because I was so slow on them, and I worked on them a lot. It was also super fun.

Km 29-34

This is when it started to get hard. The last ~13 km were the same as the first, so the downhill was followed by another 8 km of roads. Not fun after so many miles already :'D I had to walk a few times but was mostly keeping it together, telling myself to just focus on the next km (I had "run the mile you're in" written on my hand which is always a good reminder).

Km 34 to the finish

After the last aid station I started to really crash. I was so so tired, freezing cold from the rain and wind and started to feel really sick as well. After a small uphill that I had to walk I finally gave in and stopped to put on my rain jacket - I hate running in them because I always feel like I sweat more than I'd get wet from the rain, but at that point I was just too cold. It helped a bit and I spent the next few miles alternating between running and walking. This part is a blur in my mind, I really just remember being in pain and thinking if there was any way I could quit I'd do it. There wasn't though, so I just kept going. 2 km from the finish I suddenly saw J walking towards me. I was so happy to see him I started tearing up. By then I was feeling so sick I could barely run but having him next to me helped a bit. The last km was all downhill and I somehow managed to run all of it and 'sprint' across the finish line in the pouring rain. And then I started to cry, just like after every half marathon race I've done so far 🤦‍♀️

After the race

After recovering enough to walk and receiving my medal, I hobbled back to the parking lot with J where I changed into dry clothes in the bathroom. It took me forever because my hands were so cold I couldn't feel my fingers and I was just soaked to the bone 😂 but being dry was the best feeling in the world. So was the hot shower once we got home, and the pizza we had for lunch, and hugging my friends. I was so grateful to have them around for this ❤

It's a few days later now and I still can't believe I did this. I haven't run yet but I feel.. recovered? I guess so I'll try a short and slow one tomorrow or so. I'm glad I picked the race I did even though it deffs wasn't an easy one, and most people I saw or talked to were wearing ultra shirts, training for ultras, doing this as their 20th marathon etc etc :'D but despite the horrible weather it was a great experience and even while finishing and feeling like I never want to take another step I thought "I'd do this again in a heartbeat". I love running.