#but some trends are disturbing and i wish they'd change

[cqlfeels]

The idea that nie huaisang is feminine is any way is just so fucking infuriating and so obviously a very Fucked Up projection of (coughchristiancough) western ideals of femininity 🙄 Also the bioessentialism of it all... just say you think he's more Girly (tm) because he's not as tall and large and his brother..... just say you also portray nie mingjue as a one dimensional mindless brute because of these physical traits.... 🙄 These people are so full of shit, and its the same brand of people who look at jin guangyao and just blatantly feminize him because he's "small"????? Also while I'm there, please stop headcanoning *only* the "small and dainty" men as trans, idk what you think you're doing but its just transphobic (trans headcanons are great but sometimes you see cis people who literally are just doing a fetishized gender essentialism and its disgusting)

I don't like to accuse people of anything because a lot of the time they're just not thinking through the implications. But speaking of trends - again, no one in particular, just the overall tendencies I've seen over time - it's very worrying how this fandom treats gender.

Just to begin with, NHS and JGY are average height at best - it's everybody else that's ridiculously tall, and I think it's in part to set cultivators apart as being more imposing than your average guy. Compare the height of female characters to the "small" guys and you'll see no one could reasonably think they're small enough to be girly. (Also um. Height = gender is just objectively a funny idea. Stilettos are now a fundamental part of male fashion because they make you taller!)

Second, there's a marked trend to apply a very specific Western ideal of manhood to characters. Things like delicate fabrics, jewelry, fans, artistic inclinations - none of these are inherently feminine in the context of the vaguely defined Ye Olde China of CQL. These are all things that are appropriate for a gentleman.

That is to say... There isn't a scale that goes from NMJ at the manliest and NHS at the girliest. They are just embodying different, equally acceptable ideals of manhood: the soldier and the gentleman. NHS is an unusual Nie in the same way LJY is an unusual Lan: they don't adhere to the ideals and obligations demanded by their sects. It's got nothing to do with gender. Note that soft-spoken, art-loving, impeccably dressed LXC is considered an outstandingly impressive man.

Of course I wanna make space for people to explore gender within the safety of fiction! I think it's very understandable to project the experiences either you or people you know have! Seeing NHS who clearly doesn't fit in, and relating that to a different way people might not fit in - gender roles - is, I think, a very instinctive reaction.

However, I think we as a fandom - especially Western and white fans - need to take into account that East Asian men are often infantilized or feminized for, you know, not being the size of a tree and built like a brick wall. So to take a story made for a Chinese audience, point to half the cast and go "Twink!" and even single out some as either "Literally A Child Uwu" or "Clearly A Woman" can feel tone-deaf at best, racist at worse. So I do hope the very human trend of pointing at a character and going "I know/am someone like that!!!" is tempered by the knowledge this might be hurtful if not handled with care.

I don't think saying a headcanon is bad and has to die is fair, but I (maybe naively) think if people are made aware of cultural differences they may be misinterpreting, it's possible they'll be able to look past superficial things to headcanon even more characters as trans or gnc, you know? I don't like to think of this as "banning" femme NHS, but as saying "uh, actually nothing is stopping you from headcanoning other characters as femme! NHS isn't the only valid option! Because canonically, NHS is as femme as, idk, Wen Chao!"

(But also. Let characters who are not NMJ be unapologetically manly. I know it doesn't sound revolutionary for white people, but your experiences aren't universal!)