#but seriously to all people who feel bad being average: ur doing ur best and that's all that matters <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[red-dyed-sarumane]

what the fuck is up with akire ocs. masterpost made way too quick while i need to sleep. i was going to add images but im tired feel free to look at the toyhouse pages tho

723 - behavioral issues. by choice. shes just like that.

aira - trapped in xeir own personal ever changing hell. like literally xi is stuck in a world that feeds off of & changes based on fears.

aisha - killed by her best friend.

alstroemeria - selectively mute until an injury made her permanently mute. often mistreated by people who think they know best bc she can't verbally argue with them

amari - she is willingly in such a fucked up relationship. constantly being framed by and the subject of bad rumors from her gf (fuyue)

amaryllis - no one listened to her or took her seriously so she ran away & when no one came to look for her realized no one really cared anyway! (isolation)

ash - was trapped in the same hell world as aira but made a deal to get out. her morals are destroyed from it & she tries to trap others in the world so she doesnt have to go back

cestria - idk what her deal is. shes just violent. hashtag influencer things i guess

cherry - u know what i dont think she has any. hm.

chime - no sense of self. theyre exclusively a mirror, intentional or not, of the people around them

chira - commits to the bit too much. will exploit people for views

cleo - refuses to get involved even when she can help. she only wants the scoop on drama

crian - currently, she beats herself up over not being able to help void before they ran away & thinks its partly her fault

daelryc - trust issues

dusk - naturally more violent than ur average person. also trapped against her will

feisha - family issues only fushia knows about. they wont talk about it to anyone else.

fjahva - his mom hates him. he gets kicked out if he tries to come back home. among other mistreatments

flora - trapped against her will & forced to participate in ethically questionable experiments

fushia - mild childhood bullying

fuyue - everything (no). malicious, petty thief, constantly lying for her own amusement, frames her gf for her crimes, blackmails, etc etc etc. why? shes bored

glacia - bully. manipulator. potential murderer but she hasnt stooped that low yet

greeml - theyre self conscious of their ears bc theyre pointy. thats like their worst problem. bc i love them

hanabi - social media poisoned mind. shes not an influencer she just needs to get offline

helix - playboy. self obsessed. used his own blessings on himself enough the other deities demoted him to demigod.

iono - despite neither of her parents being qualified to care for a kid she surprisingly doesnt have any serious problems

iraidis - carrying the weight of being rejected by several generations of people & erasure of proof of her existence

itsumi - shut in by choice & lost all her communication skills. very familiar with escapism

jade - idk i havent thought about it enough yet

keppi - also carrying the weight of generational rejection and erasure

kin - theres just so much wrong with her. she's taking herself down and the world with her. or just kinako. either works

kinako - straight up no will to live she endures whatever kin does to her. or doesnt. she dies a lot.

konome - orphan? lives in the woods with his sister & causes problems for people (""natural"" disasters)

kumo - god complex (they are not a god). the fact they arent dead is a miracle bc they are so stupid and bold and rash

kyeslu - weird girl. no one hates her per se but no one really gets along with her either.

lavender - also trapped in her own hell world

lilium - cave explorer. in the tundra. i think that counts.

linesus - (my sister :) ) well. shes dead. guess she had worm farming trauma too idk

lyra - bullied :(

lyrica - also in personal hell world

maien - shes just massively unlucky.

malshay - power complex (is that what its called??) needs to prove shes better than everyone.

manayo - causes problems on purpose. shes a fox demon she can do what she want tho

meimu - haha trauma of dying repeatedly while the worlds falling apart etc etc shes an aru sekai fan oc thats all i need to say

meision - idk i need to think about her more

meringue - got mad once (unfairly discharged from her job) and now shes a serial killer. hashtag girlboss or whatever

meshika - orphan? lives in the forest with her brother causing problems for people. has definitely killed people but good luck proving it

mkoom - victim of capitalism

nuria - disrespected & killed. now carries the stress of maintaining an entire world with her mind

oken - trauma (?) of turning into a cat against his will

paolo - would rather be a bird than a person

pomgara - distrusted & frustrated by it so shes rather sharp

refrichi - trauma of using her ability. not only accidentally killing people but also casual self harm so she can protect herself (she controls blood. if that makes it make more sense)

rhonda - unsuited to her home country & the problems that come with that. not necessarily stockholmed but she did fall in love with a serial killer

roselii - bad home life. she's overprotective bc of it

ryuusei - isolation of being in space only to come to earth & have to act like a celebrity

sarlina - blank spots in her life bc her ability consumes memories if shes not careful.

saturday - petty.

saturn - burden of maintaining balance in the world. emotionally isolated bc of it

scarlet - bully manipulator liar etc etc and all for her own gain. started bc she didnt want to get punished for bad grades & then she never stopped

sepheria - trust issues. emotional isolation bc shes from a different time period & no one will understand

sera - forced into a sort of celebrity type role he didnt want

seyla - idk what to say here she doesnt really cause problems & she doesnt really have any. mischievous at most

shaia - abandoned his duties as the weight of them was too much. somehow still a deity regardless

sometya - doesnt like people. scaredy cat. yet theyre always off exploring other worlds

sora - ability related trauma. naturally a kind hearted person but she's killed people & it haunts her

teila - tired of rejection she'll promise anything to get her way. ironically shes a shitty mom who rejected her son

tobio - trust issues & quick to argue.

towaka - accidentally got herself trapped in a video game & no longer has control over herself or a way to communicate

vanilla - fear of the unknown & stays in an area that frustrates her bc of it

viridia - victim of her own sister, verbally tormented, tricked into going places she shouldnt & losing important items bc of her only to come home and get told her sister wouldnt do that she should be more like her.

void - we've been over this. bullying into a mental breakdown into 8 years of physical and emotional isolation

wyndi - also carrying the weight of generations of rejection & erasure

xeli - victim of various poisoning attempts that dont work bc theyre immune

yuclenya - isekai'd into a world she knew nothing about, didnt speak the language, was cornered by people looking for a fight, only found out she had an ability when she used it out of fear & it thoroughly cut up her hands

[athena5898]

So let's talk about Fascism

If you want an even older version of this see: https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/umberto-eco-ur-fascism The book I have basically uses these points but points to modern examples and what have you. So the basic tenets of Fascism is about othering and fear and appealing to control. Also the need of a Outgroup (aka Bigotry/etc) 1. The Mythic Past. This is seen as a foundation for most fascism because it gives people a reason to do horrible things. This is what Hitler did with the Arian shit. 2. Propaganda. The system needs a way to spread the mythic past and to get people to believe that the out-group is the one causing all the problems in society. So it creates Propaganda for these purposes. 3. Anti-intellectual. This is what we have seen with Republicans in America. It's a war on thinking and critical thought. The more you think the more you are capable of thinking. (seriously there have been studies on this). The more you can think critically the harder it will be for a fascist regime to work. 4. Unreality. Or forcing everyone to live in cognitive dissonance. Normally you need 3 for this point. This is also just what American Politics is from blue to red. Unreality is insidious cause it can be aggressive but it can also be subtle. Think average German in Nazi Germany. A lot of them just let themselves believe that nothing bad was happening to the Jews. 5. Hierarchy. This is pretty much a given. To remain in control you need to have systems of power in place. It also works with the illusion of control. 6. Victimhood. We've all seen the white nazi fucks crying about how bad they have it. Just right now you have Israelis crying about getting attacked after *they* showed up and started mocking dead children and starting the riots. If the out-group fights back, they just fuel into the feelings of victimhood. It really helps with the sense of self-righteousness 7. Law and Order. If you are going to uphold unjust systems, and hierarchy and keep the out-group out, you need law and then if you disrupt it you can say you are just upholding order. It's why any call to increase military presence or cops is always a dog whistle. 8. Sexual Anxiety- this takes the form of a lot of things. Anti-queerness, anti-womanhood, anti-sex, etc. There is always a "correct" way and anything that falls outside of that must be abolished to maintain the "purity". This fits in with hierarchies most of the time. 9. Sodom and Gomorrah (AKA fear of cities/large groups of diverse people) - You'll notice that a lot of fascist areas glorify rural while demonizing the cities. This speaks to the inherent illogicalness of fascism it will attack whatever it needs to create and demonize out groups even if it needs them at the same time. Rural is gods honest work, the city is for pampered sex deviants who don't even know what gender they are! (sound familiar?) this point exists because of several of the points above since they all work and build off each other if they are present. It should be noted that some of the best ways to combat bigotry is through exposure, so of course, fascism naturally wants to target where such a thing can occur. 10. Arbeit Macht Frei (work will set you free) - This isn't the idea that work is inherently fascist. But the idea that if we force the out-group to do "good honest god manual labor" it will "cleanse them". If they die in the process it just was meant to be or doubly purivies! Fascism doesn't have to worry about manual labor and safety practices if it's being used to punish and restore the out-group. People who study fascism will tell you that not all of these points need to exist at once for an entity to be fascist.

We must keep alert, so that the sense of these words will not be forgotten again. Ur-Fascism is still around us, sometimes in plainclothes. It would be so much easier, for us, if there appeared on the world scene somebody saying, “I want to reopen Auschwitz, I want the Black Shirts to parade again in the Italian squares.” Life is not that simple. Ur-Fascism can come back under the most innocent of disguises. Our duty is to uncover it and to point our finger at any of its new instances - Ur- Fascism

Fascism existed before the word did. Just like anything we have put a name to. Just cause we are just now putting a label doesn't mean it suddenly sprung into existence. You can apply any of these points to various empires and governments throughout the history of humanity. If you want to be Anti-Fascist then you have to be willing to understand the broad spectrum to it. Anyway, not saying all this to defend who OP is responding to per se, but just idk "learn theory" and "Fascism does refer to a specific organization of capitalism" bothered me if I'm understanding what OP is saying here. Fascism can exist without capitalism and has and will do so again probably.

are you people just addicted to not learning theory?

What's with the obsession of using whatever political terms you can, regardless of meaning, as rhetorical ways of just emphasising how Bad something is? Fascism does refer to a specific organisation of capitalism in specific conditions with specific characteristics, not just 'when something is bad and oppressive' - something liberalism is very capable of! - and using the terms this way absolutely annihilates the actually useful analytical and theoretical value of the term, in favour of a view of politics as entirely rhetoric (which is clear from the emphasis on whether the term existed at the time or not, rather than the actual material structure being critiqued, as if the term is just an especially effective rhetorical weapon)

[spaceyflowerswriting]

Hi it’s me again ❤️ your work gives me so much dopamine!!! I keep getting random burst of ideas. DG/James Lee with an average reader? Like everything about them just screams average? Any oneshots or headcanons? Thank you ❤️ hahah you make me wanna write again 🥹

more than that (james lee x reader)

details: fluffy oneshot but mildly angsty (reader pov; has insecurities about being average), gender neutral reader but written in 2nd pov, general canon au, you and james are friends

warning: repeating; reader is written to have insecurities about being average!! please dont read this if things like that can trigger u T_T

summary: james gives you reassurance about how you're more than how "average" you appear.

a/n: hehe hello again, thanks for another request ^_^ decided to write a oneshot since i wrote headcanons for ur last request 💪 (also i know reader having insecurities wasnt part of the request but i hope its ok that i added it;;!)

and im so glad my writing inspires u !! ;_; i'd love to read the stuff you write if ur okay with sharing it but if not thats fine! as long as u write something u like <33

×

Was it pure coincidence, or some greater force acting that caused the two of you to meet? Either way, James was grateful to have met you.

You made him realize a loneliness he didn't even know he had. The little gaps you filled, he wanted more and more and it felt like he could never have enough. It didn't take long for him to conclude what he felt for you had been romantic for some time.

He didn't care if the people around him gave him weird looks. They wouldn't understand if they refused to look past your appearance--which, honestly, was something he never even thought about much. Sure, the first time he looked at you, he thought you seemed like an average person, but who was he to judge? He'd seen all sorts of people in his days, and there were plenty of surprises.

Hell, even that kind of wimpy kid that's been running around was full of surprises. Daniel, was it?

Anyways, he didn't care about how average you were. You still shined in your own special way.

Like when you sang karaoke with him, he didn't pay attention to your singing skills. You looked like you were having fun and that was enough for him. The way you laughed afterwards out of embarrassment was beyond adorable, stumbling over yourself as you apologized for not being the best at singing.

Or when the two of you decided to make lunch together and you burned a few things, he didn't pay attention to that, either. Instead, his focus was on how earnest you had been in the conversation taking place during the cooking. He learned a lot about who you were as a person that afternoon.

And the food you made for him was as average as you said it would be, but again, it didn't bother him. The effort was there, and he could appreciate that.

The point was, you were kind and genuine, and he was madly in love. How were you not taken yet?

Ah, whatever, it gave James a chance. Hell would freeze over before he missed it.

~

"Sorry--"

"You're fine," James reassured, eyes squishing into pretty moons as he smiled at you.

You just chuckled nervously, looking away from his handsome face while he finished up applying the bandaid on your finger.

"There we go." He hummed as he let your hand go and you brought it closer to your face to examine it for no reason in particular.

"Thanks."

"No problem." As you rested your hands in your lap, James turned back to the cloth on the table. He picked it back up alongside his needle and began right where he left off before attending to your minor injury.

You shifted a bit in your seat next to him, frowning a bit. Your eyes glanced back and forth at the progress of your embroidery compared to his.

Earlier he had suggested you both try embroidery to experience something new and you agreed. Almost anything done with him was fun or at least peaceful, and this time it wasn't any different. The thing was your feelings of being average were beginning to claw away at you again.

Feeling inferior to James wasn't it--you wouldn't even dare seriously compare yourself to this man of talents--you just... felt bad about yourself. Though you were mostly fine accepting and knowing you were average nowadays, you still had the longing hope that maybe, just maybe you'd find something you excelled at. But you never did.

Average as always.

"Sorry." The word came out before you could stop yourself.

"Hm?" James paused to look at you.

"I... uh." You scrambled to avoid putting the pity party you were having in words and randomly grabbed the needle you accidentally poked yourself with earlier. "Nothing. It's nothing." You picked up your piece of cloth next and flashed him an awkward smile.

"...Alright. No pressure." His soft tone had you almost confess what was running through your mind but you decided not to. He went back to continue his embroidery, and you continued yours.

After a while, you got a little lost and ended up asking him for help. He kindly responded, and despite that easing you a bit, your insecurities still clawed away. This time, you couldn't stop yourself as an apology spilled from your lips.

"Apologizing again?" He had a teasing tone, which made you smile slightly.

You let out a quiet laugh. "I know. It's just..." You gulped. "I feel bad asking for help so much. And for accidentally stabbing myself with the needle earlier. And having you patch it up. And being really, really average. At everything. I wish I--"

"Hey." James sternly cut you off, setting down the cloth and needle in his hands. "You don't have to be sorry for any of that. And I wanted to patch up your hand. Don't feel bad for that, either."

"Thanks," you murmured. "I mean, I really do appreciate your words, James, but... nevermind, I don't know where I'm going with this." You nibbled on your lip in silence, beginning to grow embarrassed. It caused you to break eye contact with James.

He placed a hand on your shoulder. "You know, I don't care about how average you are."

You jerked your head to look back at him, eyes widening at his bluntness.

There was a gentle smile on his face. "It wouldn't even matter to me if you were terrible at everything you did, either. I just like that you're you, having fun, and spending time with me."

"Really...?"

"Really. There's so much more to you than what you're good at, you know. Or how you look, if you're worried about how you may appear 'average' on the beauty scale. So, don't worry, there'll always be plenty of things to like about you." He gestured to himself with his free hand. "There's certainly plenty of things that I like you for. Your personality and cute looks are just the tip of the iceberg."

Butterflies fluttered in your stomach at his words.

"Don't let your average-ness define you, okay?"

"Yeah, you're right." You nodded stiffly. Asking him to clarify himself was on the tip of your tongue but you held it back in case you were misinterpreting his words. It wasn't the first time he had sounded mildly flirty with you, but--wait.

"Good. So no more of that, you hear? I want you to be nice to yourself. If you can't, I'll make you start doing that cheesy '3 things I like about myself' exercise everyday."

His joke lightened the mood but did little to distract you from your sudden realization. Flustered, you still managed to joke back with, "Bet," and he quipped, "Looking forward to tomorrow, then."

Conversation picked up from there.

For the rest of the night, you pondered about just how much of his feelings were platonic towards you.

~

Another day.

Confessing to someone after they vent wouldn't be appropriate, after all.

For now, James would indulge himself in teasing you with hints.

[fanficsfromyesteryear]

SICK & TIRED

A STRANGER THINGS ONE SHOT

— PAIRING: Billy Hargrove x Reader — WORD COUNT: 2,077 — WARNINGS: Cursing, Billy being...himself — REQUESTED BY: @udontneedtokno 

Um hi, can I request a billy x fem reader where she Is feeling a bit sick and crappy and he takes care of her? Also could you make it so they aren’t dating yet so he’s still a bit of a meanie and flirts pretty hard with her while he’s taking care of her? I love ur billy x readers sm🥺💖

— A/N: First of all, thank you so much?? Honestly, he’s my favorite character to write for. He’s so unapologetically rude and flirtatious, and I think it’s hilarious. Secondly, I’m sooooo sorry about how long this took!! Life got really busy for a while, so I didn’t have much time to sit down and write, but it’s slowed down again for the time being. Anyway, I can’t even tell you how excited I was when I saw your request! I’m such a sucker for sick reader/character storylines, probably because I relate to them so much. Any time my stomach hurts even slightly, you would think I’m dying with how much I milk it. I had lots of fun writing this, and I hope it was worth waiting for!!

Despite your best efforts to convince your mom to let you skip school, she wasn’t having it. For one, she thought you were just being overdramatic—so what if your nose was a little runny? She handed you a pack of Kleenex, forced cough syrup down your throat, and shoved you out the front door with a promise that you would be fine. You weren’t so sure, and your suspicions were only confirmed when you ran out of tissues by the end of first period, and instead of clearing your head, the medicine had only succeeded in making you drowsy. More than once, you felt yourself slipping away from reality—you weren’t quite falling asleep, but you could tell that you weren’t wholly present either. You wanted nothing more than to go home and take a nap, but your mom was at work, and you didn’t trust yourself to walk all that way on your own.

“Wow, Y/N, you look like shit.”

You were standing in the hallway, unsure of how you had come to be there—you must’ve zoned out again. With a blank stare, you turned to look at Billy Hargrove, who was leaning with his back to the locker beside yours. “Thank you,” you said, sniffing. You couldn’t breathe—it felt like you had a thick wad of cotton shoved inside each nostril. “I feel like shit, too.” As if on cue, you let out a sneeze.

Billy backed away, warily studying you. You had dark circles beneath your puffy eyes, and your nose was red and raw from being smothered with one too many tissues. You looked absolutely miserable, and even though a part of him wanted to stay as far away from you as possible—just in case whatever you had was contagious—he felt bad for you more than anything. He reached up to brush aside a stray piece of your hair. “Hey—” Billy was about to say more but stopped himself mid-sentence, his hand lingering on the side of your face as his eyebrows scrunched together. “You’re kinda hot,” he informed you.

Letting out a groan, you rolled your eyes and swatted his hand away. “Billy, I’m not in the mood for any of your—”

“No, seriously. I think you have a fever or something.”

“Wouldn’t surprise me,” you said simply. Turning, you started off down the hallway toward your next class. You’d gotten this far—you might as well stick it out until the end of the day. As much as you didn’t want to be there, you didn’t have much of a choice. You figured you might as well try to carry on like normal.

Billy thought otherwise. You hadn’t gotten far when you felt his hand wrap around your elbow. He pulled you backwards, and in your weakened state, you were in no shape to fight against him.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Billy demanded.

“To class,” you said, your voice muffled by your hand as you wiped your nose on the sleeve of your sweater.

Billy scoffed. “No, you’re not,” he said. “You’re sick.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do?” you whined. “My mom’s at work, and—”

“I’ll take you home,” Billy offered. “I need an excuse to get out of here anyway.” Before you could argue any further, Billy slung his arm around your shoulders and led the way outside.

As the two of you trekked across the parking lot to where his Camaro was parked on top of the hill, you were grateful for how close Billy was—you could lean on him for support whenever the need arose, which proved to be quite often.

Billy made sure to help you into the passenger seat—“Watch where you put your hands, Hargrove”—but as he was climbing into the car himself, he looked to you with an air of seriousness. “You better not puke in here,” he warned. “If you do, you’re cleaning it up.”

“I’m not gonna puke.” You hoped that was true because you knew Billy well enough by now to know that he wasn’t kidding, and you didn’t feel like scrubbing your own throw up out of his car’s upholstery.

As the Camaro pulled out onto the main road, you could feel your eyelids growing heavy. At some point, you must’ve drifted off because by the time Billy’s car came to a stop in front of your house, he glanced over to find you fast asleep. Billy yanked his keys out of the ignition and got out with a heavy sigh. As he bent down to scoop you up, he grumbled about how you were going to give him whatever the hell was plaguing you. He concluded with, “Be glad you’re cute,” before kicking the car door shut and walking up the driveway.

Once inside, Billy dumped you onto the couch in the living room. He stepped back and stared at you for a moment with crossed arms as he tried to assess the situation. What had he gotten himself into? He didn’t know the first thing about taking care of sick people—he avoided sick people, mainly because he couldn’t be bothered with them, not to mention how gross they were. You were different, though, and Billy mentally kicked himself for feeling that way. All this trouble just to get you to like him? It was a new low.

When you awoke, you were surprised to find yourself inside your house with a blanket thrown across you, alongside Billy, who was sitting on the other end of the couch with your feet in his lap. You couldn’t remember having walked in—maybe that cough medicine was still messing with your head—and you hadn’t expected Billy to stick around. You had assumed he’d drop you off and then be on his merry way. As far as you could tell, he wasn’t exactly a nurturer. At the very least, you doubted this was how he wanted to be spending his time away from school.

As soon as Billy felt you stirring, he glanced over tentatively and caught sight of you staring at him. He raised his eyebrows in question. “What?” he asked.

You shrugged. “I didn’t expect you to still be here,” you answered.

Billy looked almost offended at this. “And leave my favorite girl to die alone? I would never.”

A small laugh escaped your chapped lips. “I’m not dying,” you said, poking Billy’s knee with the toe of your sneaker. “At least, I won’t be once I take the right medicine.” You must’ve slept off the effects of the cough syrup your mom had given you—you were no longer insufferably tired, which was a plus, but the congestion in your head had culminated into a headache, and it had brought a side of chills with it. You swung your legs over the side of the couch and were about to get up when Billy stopped you.

“No,” Billy said, pushing you back down. “I’ll get it.”

You told Billy where the bathroom was and what to grab—“Aspirin’s fine”—then he disappeared down the hallway branching off of your living room. You were no expert on what the average time should’ve been for completing such a task, but after several minutes had passed and Billy still hadn’t returned, you started to wonder what was taking so long.

The answer to your silent question came in the form of Billy irritably yelling, “Y/N, why do you have so much shit in here?”

Grumbling, you rose from your spot on the couch and shuffled into the bathroom. “What do you mean?” you asked.

Billy turned to find you standing at his elbow, wrapped up in a blanket somewhat reminiscent of the way E.T. had been in the flying bike scene. Only your pouting face protruded from the folds of fabric. The blond couldn’t help cracking a smile at your appearance—comical, yet undeniably cute—and just like that, he had forgotten what it was that had caused your sudden presence.

You took no time jogging Billy’s memory. “It’s right there,” you said, your eyes resting on a bottle sitting on the bottom shelf of your medicine cabinet. A moment later, your hand poked through the blanket and seized the small container. You bumped Billy out of the way as you popped a pill into your mouth and stepped in front of the sink to pour yourself a glass of water. By the time you’d swallowed, he was gone.

“Billy?” you called, stepping out of the bathroom.

Billy’s voice came from somewhere down the hall, saying, “Holy shit, Y/N, is this your room?”

You appeared behind Billy in an instant, latching onto his arm and giving it a tug. “Oh, my God,” you said, your face burning. “Don’t go in there. It’s a mess!”

Being the sort of person that likes to do the exact opposite of what he’s told, Billy easily pulled free from your grasp and wandered inside. He was like a kid in a candy shop as he admired the things lining your shelves—trinkets, books, records, and the like—with wide eyes. Bedrooms tell a lot about the person to whom they belong, and boy, was Billy learning about you.

“And, who is this?” Billy asked with a devious smile as he picked up the faded brown teddy bear that had been lodged between the pillows on your bed.

Groaning, you buried your face in your hands, the soft fabric of the blanket covering your eyes. You wished the floor would open up and swallow you whole. If you had known that Billy Hargrove, of all people, was going to be in your room later, you would’ve made an effort that morning to clean up a bit—at the very least, you would’ve hidden anything embarrassing.

You risked a peek up at Billy, but he wasn’t where you’d last seen him. Instead, he’d moved over to your dresser and was rummaging through its drawers. How typical, you thought with a roll of your eyes. I look away for one second, and already, he’s trying to find my underwear.

Billy achieved his goal, too—you could tell by the cheeky grin on his face. His gaze cut over to you, then back down to the contents of the drawer in front of him, nodding thoughtfully all the while. He was about to pull something out, but you intervened—extending an arm, you slammed the wooden compartment shut, and if Billy hadn’t been so quick to pull his hands out of the way, he would’ve gotten his fingers smashed.

“That’s enough of that,” you said, grabbing Billy’s hand and dragging him back into the living room.

“You’re no fun,” Billy complained.

Both of you returned to your spots on the couch in moody silence. You tried to cross your arms, but you stopped abruptly when you realized that your fingers were still entwined with Billy’s. Blushing, you glanced down at your hands, then up at him, however, he didn’t seem to be paying you any mind. He was facing the wall directly opposite the couch with his eyes closed.

“What are you doing?” you asked.

Billy raised an eyebrow in acknowledgment. “Trying to picture you in that underwear,” he stated simply, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly.

You snatched your hand away to shove him with it. “You’re the worst, Billy Hargrove,” you said, but you couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped your mouth afterward.

“Damn it, Y/N,” Billy said. “I can’t concentrate with you giggling like that.”

“Good!” you remarked, nose held in the air as you squinted tauntingly at Billy.

Despite the two of you constantly teasing each other, you actually felt substantially better by the time Billy left your house that afternoon to pick Max up from school. He may not have been a doctor in the making, but where he lacked in nurturing qualities, he made up for with playful flirting and good company, and as they say, laughter’s the best medicine. You thought your troubles were over until you woke up the next morning to the sound of your phone ringing.

“Hello?”

You were answered with a sneeze from the other end of the line, followed by a hoarse voice saying, “This is your fault.”

“Aw, Billy, are you sick?” you asked, feigning surprise as you bit back a chuckle.

“Yeah, I’m sick,” Billy whined. “Get over here and fix it.”

“What’s the magic word?”

Another sneeze, then, “Now.”

And your mom thought you were dramatic when you were sick. As if.

[bnhaficsforthesoul]

yoo, okay this is a bit of an angsty request but i NEED this !! essentially, the reader loves midoriya (or anyone of your choosing, really) yet its unrequited ^^ maybe a popular ship or smth is real in ur writing, like tododeku and reader is all "oh heckles, midoriya doesn't love me" and just,, sad stuff ?? maybe even a hanahaki disease au if you'd like!!! i want it as a n g s t y as possible with no happy ending jksdhgjdsghjdsjgk thank you sm ily

Of course I had to take the chance to write a hanahaki au - idk if this is angsty enough - im bad at angst lol, but here ya go anon

No - this couldn’t be happening. You didn’t love him, you couldn’t. But - the bloody flower petal in your hand spoke otherwise. You felt the world spiraling around you, yet you were frozen. 

Midoriya Izuku - your best friend who had stolen your heart and given his to another. Of course, there was no chance of Izuku returning your love, he was dating Shouto. You remember the excitement in his eyes when he first told you they were together - and the excitement you had reciprocated for your friend. If only you knew the suffering you would later go through because of him.

Of course, there is no knowing whether Izuku would have loved you if he wasn’t with Shouto - but it seemed the possibility was nonexistent at this point. So, you had 3 choices. You could muster up the money for surgery and lose all your feelings for Izuku, get lucky and make yourself fall out of love with him, or die. And right now, you desperately hoped you were lucky.

Quickly grabbing your phone off of its nightstand, you opened your messages, sighing softly at Izuku’s contact near the top of your messages, and found Momo. She’s vice class rep - so she’s probably the best person to ask to get your homework without getting scolded, and you texted her “I don’t think I’ll be able to make it to school tomorrow Momo, I’m feeling pretty sick. Could you tell me the homework so I don’t fall behind?”

It was late, so you didn’t expect a reply. But you didn’t need one - you weren’t going to school. If you weren’t around Izuku, maybe you would forget about your feelings for him and be cured. You were hoping, anyways.

You woke up the next day late in the afternoon - it’s not often you get to stay home from school -  to a text from Momo, saying “Oh no! I hope you feel better, I’ll send you the notes and homework after school. Get some rest!” You smiled at her kindness and laid back on your bed. But then, you noticed the other messages in your notifications. A few on the groupchat, with little “get betters” - which you were expecting. This class treats itself like a family, people are gonna worry if you’re sick. There were also more personal messages from Eijirou, Tenya, and - Shouto and Izuku. 

Shouto had also become a close friend of yours in the time you’ve known him, the two of you always being around Izuku allowed you to develop a bond yourself. So it was no surprise that he texted you, but all you felt was anger towards his “How are you feeling? Do you want me to bring you some soba? I’ll even warm it up for you.” There was a small twinge of guilt in your stomach, he obviously didn’t deserve your anger, but you couldn’t even spare him a response.

Then Izuku - how were you supposed to forget about your feelings when he was constantly so perfect? You found yourself smiling at his message, a “Good morning y/n! I hope you’re feeling better today! I’ll come by and check on you after I finish my homework :)” Sitting up, you went to respond - but you were interrupted by a sharp pain in your throat before you began coughing, and you covered your mouth with your hands only to feel the light touch of petals fall into them.

There were more than last night.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you stared at your hands once again. It hadn’t even been a full day, but already the flowers were growing rapidly. With shaky hands, you shook off the petals and returned your phone, quickly messaging “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. You don’t need to come by either, I don’t want you getting sick and I’ll probably be sleeping.” 

The seriousness of your situation finally set in - last night you hadn’t seemed to fully grasp that if you didn’t do something to stop this, you would literally die. A few choked sobs escaped your lips, and you winced in pain. 

You roughly fell back down onto the bed - frantically wondering what to do. Would Recovery Girl be able to cure you? Would the disease go away if you just forgot about Izuku? You grabbed your phone and started searching for answers. Articles upon articles on the disease, talking about what the misfortunate people who contract it can do to save themselves. 

What you found was disappointing - there are no accounts of people being able to overcome the disease on their own, and always had to resort to surgery or death. You didn’t have the money for surgery, and you didn’t want to bring your friends into this and ask for help - but you didn’t want to die.

“What am I gonna do…” You threw your phone onto the bed and put your hands over your face, holding back your tears. As much as you simply wanted to avoid Izuku until you didn’t love him anymore, it was impossible. Sweet Izuku, who deems it his responsibility to be the most caring person on earth, would be devastated if you were to suddenly cut off ties with him. Besides, how could you when you were forced to see him everyday at school regardless. There was only so long you could feign being sick - you doubted the school wouldn’t do anything to help you. 

The rest of the week was spent in the comfort of your own room - you had managed to convince your friends that you were too sick for school, and for anyone to visit. Researching options had been your top priority, mainly what the surgery entails, but everything you found made you less and less optimistic. 

The surgery costs thousands of dollars, money that no average high school student would have - meaning unless you were to ask for help there would be no way to get the surgery in the first place. And even if you could, there were no certain results. With how rare Hanahaki is, there aren’t enough accounts of successful operations to rely on. Well - they all worked, those who got the surgery were alive. But some had results more drastic than others.

From the result you were hoping for - being you would simply lose feelings for Izuku and live on - to people who had completely forgotten about the person they loved all together. As much as you didn’t want to die, how would you live on without remembering Izuku? Your best friend. He’s been there for you through so much, the thought of living on without him was terrifying.

Yet, everyday you were reminded with the inevitable coming of your death. The itching in your lungs grew everyday, as did the amount of petals you were coughing out. It wouldn’t be long until your lungs were full of flowers - and you suffocated. 

----

“Y/n! Are you feeling better?” Eijirou smiled brightly at you as you walked into the classroom, and you returned a soft smile before sitting in your desk. “I guess.” All you could do was be optimistic, at least in front of your friends. After a week of practically being MIA, you decided you wouldn’t worry them anymore. Besides, if you waited any longer, you’d probably wake up to Katsuki blowing down your door with 15 people behind him. 

Everything was as normal, you talked with Denki and Mina as you waited for class to start, Katsu gave you a “look who finally decided to show up,” - which you knew meant he was glad you were okay - and you even managed to be happy when Izuku ran in and gave you a hug. Your smile strained when Shouto said hi to you however, both because you felt bad for having ignored his texts all week, and because you just didn’t want to be around him. At least not yet. 

Aizawa soon walked into class, and everyone hurried to their seats so that class could start. It wasn’t anything special today - just some more basic hero instruction, and you were happy that you could take it easy as to hopefully not trigger your coughing. You’d be able to tell him about it after class - maybe he could find a way to let you stay out of school until you figured this out.

Still - class was especially long today. Having not been present for a few days seemingly made the period feel much longer than it truly was. And just as luck would have it, an itch began to grow in the back of your throat, and you panicked. You didn’t want anyone else knowing - you didn’t want that kind of attention on you. To be the poor soul of 1A who might die 

You raised your hand, wanting to use the restroom as an excuse to get out of there.

“Yes, y/l/n?”

“Can I-”

Speaking apparently only made it worse, and before you could even finish your sentence you hunched over - beginning to cough up a multitude of flower petals. However, this time was a lot worse than the previous ones, your coughing not letting up until you were choking on petals - likely due to your forcing yourself not to cough for so long. Petals were overflowing from your hands as you attempted to cover your mouth, falling onto your desk and down to the ground. 

Everyone’s attention had already been on you, and with the surprised expression on Aizawa’s face as he ran over to you - they all saw the dark red blood dripping out of your hands and the soft pink petals blanketing your desk. Your attempt at hiding your sickness had only pushed it forward, and now there was nothing you could do. 

Aizawa rubbed your back until you calmed down, and you looked up from your hands to the horrified looks on your friends’ faces. Your face was covered in blood and tears - you looked a mess. 

“Let’s get you to Recovery Girl, okay? Can you stand?”

You nodded, but Aizawa still made sure to hold onto your arm just in case. The room was silent as he led you out, all eyes stuck on you. As you looked back - you were met with the wide eyes of Izuku, and you quickly looked away.

Aizawa had left right after dropping you off at Recovery Girl’s, ruffling your hair a bit and giving you a soft smile in an attempt to cheer you up. 

“Hanahaki disease… I don’t think I’ve ever seen this personally. I can’t promise I’ll be able to help you, but we can try.”

You sat on one of the beds as she walked around the room, grabbing a washcloth and wetting it before bringing it over to you. 

“You probably want to wash all the blood off.”

As you slowly rubbed the washcloth over your mouth, Recovery Girl grabbed your hand and kissed it. Normally, you’d immediately feel better. But other than the scratchy feeling in your throat - nothing changed. You could still feel the slowly growing flowers filling your lungs, they hadn’t gone away.

“How do you feel?”

“The flowers are still there… I can feel them.”

Recovery Girl sighed, “What about your throat? I’m sure all that coughing must have hurt - does your throat feel better?”

Nodding slowly, you felt tears forming in your eyes. So she couldn’t heal you.

“I’m sorry sweetie, I’ve tried all I can. All I can do is heal the physical damage - but no matter what I do, the flowers will keep growing. And if they keep increasing their growth at this rate, soon that won’t even be enough.” 

With all the luck you’ve been having lately, it wasn’t surprising that this was the outcome. But that didn’t mean you weren’t disappointed. Before you could let your emotions overcome you and start crying in front of her, you jumped off the bed and began making your way out. 

“Oh - I understand… thanks anyways.”

With a forced smile to Recovery Girl - who’s worried expression only served to make you feel worse -  you trudged out of her office and into the long hallway. 

“Y/n! Wait up! What happened?”

Izuku chased you down the hall as you left Recovery Girl’s office, a hopeful smile on his face. Apparently he had made his way down there as soon as class ended, wanting to make sure that you were okay. That smile disappeared as he saw your face, contorted in distress as a few tears escaped your eyes. “She wasn’t able to help you, was she?”

He took your silence as a no, but still tried to be optimistic, “Well, there has to be something we can do!”

With all the pain you were in, you’d think that your main worry would be yourself. But no - that hopeless look on Izuku’s face was where your worry had settled. He obviously felt that it was his duty to help you, even if there was nothing he could do.

“There’s surgery, and there’s dying.”

Izuku’s eyes glossed over and he grabbed your wrist, pulling you close.

“You gotta get the surgery y/n! Please - I don’t want you to die.”

If only he knew what he was asking of you. Would he tell you to get the surgery even if he knew he was the one you loved? Would he let you risk forgetting about him - and all the memories you had formed together?

“I don’t have that kind of money, Izuku. And I’m not going to bother anyone with my problem.”

His frown deepened, and his eyes shot around the floor as if he was looking for an answer, “But - I’m sure everyone would help out-”

“No - Izuku. I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry about it, please. It’s not your problem, it’s mine. Let me figure this out on my own.”

With your words, his grip on your wrist loosened in shock, and you used that as an opportunity to pull your hand away. 

“I’ll be fine Izuku, what ever happens, just let me figure it out.”

You left him standing there, worried and hurt as you ran back to your dorm room - just wanting to be alone to process the events of today.

----

A constant knocking at your door drew you awake. As soon as you arrived in your dorm, you found yourself especially drained of energy, and quickly fell asleep. You desperately wanted to just ignore the thumping, but whoever it was wasn’t going to let up, so you sighed and slowly sat up and made your way to the door.

“Shouto? What’s up?”

When you opened the door, you were surprised to see Shouto standing there. He asked if he could come in, and you reluctantly agreed. As soon as you closed the door, he started talking.

“Izuku told me about what happened. Are you really planning on doing this yourself?”

It was hard to read his expression. On one hand he looked worried, but the sharp look in his eyes proved his frustration.

“You’re really going to let yourself die - just so you don’t get anyone else involved?”

His sharp gaze made you feel almost ashamed, as if your decision was completely idiotic - although you supposed it was. But you couldn’t bring yourself to reply, you’ve already caused enough trouble as it is, you don’t want to make others fix your problem.

Shouto sighed and placed his hand on your shoulder, “I’m paying for your surgery. We’ll schedule it for this weekend, can you hold out for that long?”

Your eyes shot to his, the sharp look continuing to tell you he was serious. Even so, you gave him a light glare, crossing your arms as you replied, “What? No - you’re not! You heard it from Izuku, I’m not asking for anyone’s help.”

“Then you’ll die.”

That made you pause. It wasn’t like Shouto to be so blunt, at least not anymore, but he really was serious. 

“I - … I don’t know… I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“Y/n, let me do this. I know you don’t want my help, but I don’t want you to die. No one wants you to die, and you don’t want to die.”

He wasn’t going to take no for an answer, so with a heavy sigh you nodded, “Fine… but - I’ll owe you something. Anything.”

Shouto chuckled lightly at that, and nodded, finally taking his hand off your shoulder as he spoke “Deal. Actually, I know what I want. Hanahaki happens when you love someone that doesn’t love you, right? So - who do you love? I’m just curious.”

Fuck. Of course he would ask that. You forced a smile, “Ah - I don’t wanna talk about that… Isn’t there something else you could ask, or that I could do for you? There’s gotta be something.”

“I don’t have anything else in mind, this is all I wanna know right now. Are you embarrassed by who it is? Or is it me?”

He laughed when he mentioned himself, but he was still looking at you expectantly. If Shouto was anything, apparently it was persistent.

“If I tell you, you have to promise not to get upset.”

“I promise.”

With a deep breath, you looked at the ground and muttered, “Izuku.”

Shouto’s face fell from a soft smile to a painfully neutral expression. The room was silent, except for your slight coughing - all the talking had edged you closer to another coughing fit, and you wanted him out before it happened.

“I’ll call the doctor tomorrow.” Shouto walked to the door and opened it, but paused before he could walk out, “And don’t worry about it y/n. It’s not your fault, I’m not mad.” At that, he fully left, closing the door behind him and leaving you alone once again. At least he understood.

----

The school had allowed you to take the rest of the week off under the suggestion of Aizawa and Recovery Girl, not wanting a repeat of last time. This time, however, you weren’t allowed to stay holed up in your room, as the class forced you out after school to spend time with them. It was times like this that you really appreciated your friends - they would help comfort you when you started coughing up more flowers, and made it their mission to cheer you up. 

The weekend came soon, and Saturday morning you were met once again with Shouto knocking at your door. 

“Ready?”

Bouncing on your heels, you tried to relax your panicky brain. You’d be fine. The operation would go by smoothly, and you’ll be fine. Nothing to worry about.

“Yup! Let’s go.”

The trip there was fairly quiet, you were too busy thinking about the possible outcomes of the operation - and of Izuku. It would hurt to lose these feelings for him, as much as you hated them. To suddenly not love someone anymore sounded terrible. But, you’d still be friends - and that was all that mattered. 

It didn’t take too long to arrive at the hospital, only about a 30 minute train ride, and soon you were waiting in the doctor’s office to go back. It seemed it was a good day to get the surgery done too, as your breathing had gotten worse and worse by the day. You were nowhere near suffocating quite yet, but another week and you just might be.

“Y/l/n-san, you can come back now.”

You followed the nurse into the back room, Shouto following close behind you.

“So, you got Hanahaki disease, huh? That’s real unlucky, but at least there’s surgery. Now, you do understand that other than the removal of the flowers, we can’t be certain of the actual effect the surgery will have on you mentally.”

“I know, I’ve done a lot of research. Whatever happens, I’m ready.”

The nurse nodded, and smiled at you, “Alright - then just sit down right there and relax. I’ll be back in a minute, and we can get started.”

She left to grab the doctors, and you waited for them to return.

“Are you scared?”

“Just of the uncertainty. I know it’ll work, but I’ve read a bunch of articles on how the whole emotional process can go wrong.”

Shouto sat next to you on the bed, “Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll go fine.”

It wasn’t too long until the doctors came back into the room, dressed and ready for surgery. Shouto was forced to leave the room, and he promised to be right there when you woke up. Once he was gone, the doctors finished their final preparations and the lead surgeon came to prepare you.

“I’m going to put you under now. Are you ready?”

You nodded shakily - both excited and scared to see what would come. 

“Alright, just relax. It’ll be over before you know it.”

He put the mask on your face, and your eyes fluttered shut into a deep sleep.

----

The doctor called Shouto in as soon as you woke up, wanting you to have a familiar face to help adjust while the anaesthesia worked its way out of your system.

“Everything seems to have gone great, the flowers are gone and they’ll live.”

Shouto thanked the doctor, and went into the room. You were still a bit dopey from the anesthesia however, so he let you be, wanting you to rest, and went to call Izuku.

“Shouto! How’d the surgery go? Is y/n okay?”

Shouto couldn’t help but chuckle at Izuku’s enthusiasm. Other than you, Izuku had been the most worried about the surgery - he wouldn’t be able to handle it if something went wrong and he lost you. 

“Yes, they’re okay. They’re still waking up, but once the doctor says it’s okay for visitors to come I’ll text you.”

“Ah! I’m so glad! Okay, I’ll bring everyone with me!”

It was a while later when you fully woke up, finally aware of what was going on as you looked around the white room. 

“Shouto? What time is it? Did the surgery go alright?”

“Around noon, and yes - you’re perfectly fine. Are you hungry? I can go grab you some food.”

You nodded, having not eaten all day, “Yes please. Oh, and could you grab me my phone? Momo said to call her after the surgery.”

Shouto went to grab your bag and began searching through it for your phone, but decided you’d want to know that your friends would be coming soon as well. 

“I’m sure she’ll be coming over soon, Izuku said he’s gonna bring everyone to come visit in a bit”

He expected for you to be happy at the news, but instead your face contorted in confusion, and to Shouto’s horror - you asked, “Who’s Izuku?”

---

As everyone from 1A flooded into the room, you broke out into a bright smile. They all circled around the bed, spouting random comments about how happy they were that you were okay and that the surgery was a success. You excitedly listened to all of them, happy to hear that your friends cared about you so much.

“Y/n! I’m so glad you’re okay! I was so worried!”

Izuku, finally being able to push his way through everyone and up to you, had latched himself onto you, throwing his arms around your shoulders and pulling you into a tight hug. However, you began pushing him off of you, not wanting some stranger to be touching you so closely.

“Uh, I’m sorry, but who are you?”

Izuku’s eyes widened as you said this - and everyone else in the room turned quiet. Your confused expression as you eyed him carefully further emphasized your seriousness. Why didn’t you remember him?

“I’m… I’m Izuku. Don’t you remember me?”

You gave him an overly kind smile, and Izuku had a glimpse of hope as you seemed to have a revelation, but instead, “Oh! You’re the person Shouto was talking to earlier! Nice to meet you!” 

You seemed to recognize everyone else in the room, as you happily turned to Denki who started telling you about something that happened at school to ease the tension. 

Confused, Izuku shakily grabbed his boyfriend’s hand - who’s pained expression worried him more - and pulled him to the corner of the room.

“Shouto… what happened? I thought you said the surgery worked.”

He was quiet for a moment, trying to decide how to word the news in a way that Izuku would understand, “Well… It did. Y/n’s cured. But - Hanahaki is such a rare occurrence, doctors don’t know all the technicalities of it yet. They can’t assure results, and sometimes, the patient ends up forgetting about the person they loved all together rather than just losing their feelings.”

Suddenly, Izuku went numb. That would have to mean - that meant you loved him. 

You loved him. 

It was his fault you went through all that pain. 

Flashes of you coughing up blood and petals in class flooded his brain - and the pain on your face as you looked at him - he caused that. And now, he couldn’t even apologize. You had no idea who he was.

“I’m sorry Izuku.”

He barely noticed as Shouto pulled him into his chest, and he cried softly. As he looked over Shouto’s shoulder, he saw you laughing happily with the others - a sight that should make him smile. 

But all he felt was pain - even though you were right there, he had lost you.

[ghoestys]

i’m literally pulling this out of my ass so if there are errors and stuff doesnt make sense then please myob and pretend like u understand what im saying im trying to do this before i get caught not doing hw he comes at 6 n its 5:43 rn 

statistics

full name: suzy nora yoon nickname(s): su, suz (pronounced like snooze without the n)  age: twenty three date of birth: tba! hometown: tba! gender: cis female religion: athiest sexuality: bisexual hair colour: black/dark brown eye colour: brown height: 5'5″ tattoos: tba! piercings: tba!

prompt + blackmail

a member of the yale's elite, they're twenty-three and a senior undergrad student majoring in aviation engineering. they are as gregarious as they are aimless.

TW DRUGS!  1. to pay for yale's very expensive tuitition, suzy sells weed that's both fake and real, depending on who is buying and if she likes them. she's not a good seller, though, so this hasn't been the best form of income for her. 2. got accepted into the aviation engineering program, but suzy can't complete her homework without the help of drugs to keep her mind focused and creative enough to understand the problems

about 

family/upbringing/childhood/wtvr

so! literally pulling this out of my ass and making things up as i go! suzy was born in a family with her parents (mom & dad), her older sister, and her older brother. the family was strictly middle class and her parents and siblings were very hardworking. her siblings were good at what they did and they excelled in their academics because they tried hard and all that stuff!

growing up, suzy followed her siblings and her parents and was basically a gifted child from the very start. elementary and middle school was not hard for her and she was in all the advanced and gifted programs. the family was calm and there wasn’t anything drastic that removed the peace or caused any disruption at all. like. they were just chillin. 

i think suzy had an average relationship with her parents. they were still asian, so like... it’s as good as it was going to get. she was somewhat close to her siblings, but seeing as they were 5/8 years older than her, the age gap wasn’t that welcoming to the baby of the family. she was kinda just.. having fun on her own being smart n shit. 

anyways! high school! where all gifted kids literally come to die! due to her shit from elem & middle school, she was offered a full ride scholarship to some prestigious school and as asian parents, they were NOT going to reject that free ride to a school that would help ensure suzy’s success in the future. she went from being one of the smartest kids to being another burnt out gift child and high school was fucking ROUGH! 

bitch really had a fucking crisis and burned the fuck out. her not being the smartest bitch anymore literally killed everything in her and she just stopped being that. she met people and what do u know! got into the wrong crowd where drugs and alcohol was everyones bff! 

she got into that pretty heavily by sophomore year i would say. she was just. yea. 

i mean. she was burnt out  but her grades were still fine if u saw them. studying isnt hard for suzy and shes pretty smart, but she wasn’t at the very top of her class anymore and thats what killed her. instead of having straight a’s, suzy was getting b’s and a few c’s. in a family where anything other than an a was acceptable it really just killed suzy some more 

anyways! drugs and alcohol! made her feel good so she did it. she found that weed was the best thing as well as some tranquilizers/anything that relaxed her essentially. she just liked the feeling of floating n not caring or feeling any pressure like. she wanted to b in her own world n shit. 

college/the elites

after graduating high school, she didnt apply to college right away because honestly? drugs and alcohol and a bitch didnt care by her senior year. her grades were not the best and while she couldve gotten into college, she literally had no interest for college and her parents at this point baiscally disowned her so like? who the fuck is gonna pay for her college??

her work ethic is the worst bc shes so careless like. bitch had a shift from 1-7pm and showed up at 5 because she literally didnt feel bothered enough to show up.

anyways a year or so after graduating high school (idk the math rn) she got really high off something and just. did a whole ass application to yale bc she decided to apply for the shits n giggles. wrote a fake letter of recommendation, wrote killer essay and personal reflection shit or wtvr, and even submitted the application with an attached document of her outlining an entire airplane that wouldve been fully functional except for a few tweaks n shit that was needed

she some how got in from that (this is fake this would probs not b real <3 teehee) and bc she was now accepted and going to yale (she accepted high aha a theme for her), she had to think about how to fund for this shit so she decided to get into drug dealing!

which is honestly. not going good like a bitch again has poor work ethics so her as a drug dealer is so.... she literally got into it bc of euphoria bc it looked easy but doing it... is not easy at all but its her only form of funding so she’s doing it. kinda. loosely. please fire her. 

idk where to put this but. suzy is kinda like that girl from the queens gambit where she feels like she needs drugs to function so like she ditches class but she’ll do all her assignments nicely bc she thinks the drugs give her superpowers to b smart n at the top of her academic class again

when shes under the influence of anything she feels like she can function more or like her life is just... better when shes not sober and ull rarely really see her sober like shes usually just on something 

idk where the post is rn bc im too lazy to look for it bc i jsut got a text that he was coming now but!!! its the tweet where a guy was drunk n drew up an entire blue print of an airplane and that is literally fucking suzy i swear to god 

when shes high she’s like the smartest bitch around (shes smart without drugs but doesnt believe that) and can build airplanes n blueprints n solve maths n wtvrs

suzy is truly an asian stem bitch and the sciences and math is where she excels the most!!!! probs won awards n competitions for math and science but doesnt really acknowledge that much becase like... its just not something shes focused on

got into the elites by just making a blueprint of a plane from scratch infront of the twins like. legit just went infront of them, started making the blueprint from scratch to finish n gave it to  them saying here is a blueprint for a new private plane u guys can build for urselves 

personality 

personality wise she is very friendly n goofy n chill n chaotic 

literally a dumbass n honestly really annoying just ask orion 

shes just a stoner having fun doing her life n not really caring about anything like. how she made it to senior year who the fuck knows i really  dont honestly

i think the main way to describe her is bimbo like thats it 

not really into sharing her life and is more of a listener than a talker when it comes to conversations that are genuinely deep and personal. she will not talk to u about her problems and insecurities seriously (maybe she’ll do it in a self deprecating way) unless she trusts u w her life. otherwsie she will keep it to herself n prays that her stoner part will make people believe shes just chillin w no problems

when it comes to conversations about  nonsense n fake deep shit like what is air then suzy will not shut the fuck up like if u wanna talk to someone about nonsense then suzy is truly ur bitch like. a bitch can fucking talk 

doesnt mind being alone bc she has fun on her own but she prefers company more bc she likes having fun and having someone to accompany wtvr she does. whether its for smoking/drinking or hanging out but also just for like... going to class if she chooses to attend and doing everyday errands like groceries or wtvr. she doesnt really do groceries tho bc she just steals orions fodo but when she does choose to go she likes having people with her :) 

she doesnt have a passion for anything bc she doesnt dream of labor but the closest thing about b making airplanes or helicopters like. blueprints  come easy to her n she enjoys making them bc she feels like shes actually capable of something bc shes aware that making them isnt something everyone can do 

u can treat her like a dumbass n she wont call u on it even tho shes kinda smart bc she feels like shes a dumbass

most likely has bad self esteem and feels like a failure but uses drugs n alcohol to ignore that feeling :) 

probs the least judgemental person ull ever meet bc she really doesnt care about what u do like. she hears the secrets getting outted n she doesnt care there r high chances that she’ll still look at u the same way

[whydoifeelthisquiet]

Omg you're spot on about the expiry date thing! So true. Like I'd say I'm in pain and thered be people rolling their eyes or sighing and saying "still?" ... like.. yh mate it must be superrr annoying and inconvent for you, spare a thought for me who has 2 acc LIVE with it. YEESSS definitely after this let's stay in touch and check up on each other 💞💙✨✨🤗 thank you! I actually scrolled thru your about page reading ur abby advocates stuff and I've really gotta say... (1/2) <3

parts 2 & 3—Firstly how proud of you I am for going through high school and ur ops and life staying true to your brilliant self despite how often you must feel down and belittled by society. You should really be proud of urslf. Also j wanna mention how gorg u are! Ah I'm sorry things have been tough lately 🤗✨ it's hard to balance school with pain but hopefully it gets easier 4 u. Ugh this is gonna go to 3 asks now I'm so sorryyy I just wanna reply to each of ur points. Sorry!!! I j like talking 2 u okiee🙈 We arent in quarantine atm but I'm back at school now! I have exams in week that'll give me the grades that'll b used for when I'm applying to uni so I'm j trying to revise atm without stressing too much. Been watching netflix and painting but other than that and revision not been up to tht much. Wbu? What's ur plan for the next week? Seen any good shows us recommend?! Sending lots of love and Hugs 🤗💙✨🤧🥰🥺byeee for now abby

OMG. You’re AN ACTUAL ANGEL?!?! LIKE?!?!! I don’t deserve you & your kindness 🥺💖 I actually wrote a whole response to all of the points you mentioned, but tumblr decided to eat it :/

So! I’m gonna bullet point this ish hehe!

-Your exams! Okay, so, end of high school exams are really daunting. But, I know you’re a smart cookie! My tip; study what you’re most unsure about, but after that, just go in with an open mind and remind yourself how incredibly smart you are! I was very nervous for my college placement exams. They really build them up to make sure you take them seriously, but they’re not that bad. My first time, I thought I did awful, but I almost scored a perfect in English and I ended up being an above average overall score. Which was the opposite of how I thought I did. So! Just go in and try your best !! YOU’VE GOT THIS

-That’s nice you aren’t in a quarantine! We kind of/sort of still are because we’re America and we’re vv selfish instead of protecting others. My family and I have been doing everything safely, but other people...they’d rather party. I feel you on being iffy about going back to school, I would be too! Just wash your hands a lot & wear that suuuuper “comfy” mask if you need to. You’ll do great!!!!

-TV SHOWS: I don’t watch too many, but I’ve been bored through this entire pandemic, so here’s some I recommend! Never Have I Ever, Selling Sunset, Atypical, Cheer, and, my favorite show of all time, The Office. Also! High School Musical: The Musical, The Series, I watched that pre-pandemic and I’m obsessed. (All are on Netflix and the last one is Disney+).

My plan for this week is just....homework! Boring stuff! Really, not anything exciting. How about you? What’s going on for you this week? I hope you’re doing well! Also!!! Do you like to read? It’s 4 science k thx! Love ya! <3

[tessacxstello]

hello im (F, 24) an idiot and forgot to post tessa’s (F, 22, fictional) intro!

pls bare in mind most of this was written 5+ years ago n i haven’t written tessa since 2015...... but lets get this show (LOCKWOODRP) on the road (DASHBOARD). 

tw school shooting, tw bipolar disorder

art hoe. always covered in paint. why?? she bad at painting

the mark rothko jackson pollock kind of bad tho wher people are like.... omg.... revolutionary..... its a badly drawn vagina

fuckin loves astrology, but cant take it that seriously bcos one of her bfs was a gemini so there’s some lenience there. but she WILL blame her hormones and mood swings on the positon of mars

embodies pure sunshine. 

one of those really annoying people that can go through the most traumatic shit and still find a positive spin. 

cares so much for others but does not really care for herself n it’s meant she just bottles up all this shit n when someone asks her how her day has gone she just falls on the ground like tht bit in midsommar when florence does that loud wheezy noise and sits down 

has never really had much money at all. learns to make-do with what she has. loves upcycling!! her bookshelf is made from cardboard which she’s reinforced by pappering it over with pages ripped out of thrifted books. her sofa is an old car boot which she’s repainted, put on wheels and stuffed w cushions so that it’s actually bearable to sit on.

her knitted cardigan? its made out of wife material.

knits all the time. will crochet you a christmas scarf. if ur lucky you might get a knitted jumper with a penis in a santa hat

still sleeps with cuddly toys n then wonders why ppl dont think she’s mature enough for a serious relationship

very passionate about Sister Doing It For THemselves!! raised by a single mom who worked her ass off so that tessa could do fun activities after school, have lelli kelly shoes, and go to college (not necessarily in tht order of importance)

tessa was born out of wedlock as the result of an affair between her mom (a journalism intern in her early 20s) and a new york times editor. 

the editor offered to pay tessa’s mom off to have an abortion, but she was like fuck u and told the papers he’d done that and used the money to cover the cost of her internship which they refused to pay her for

and because of the scandal, he ended up going through a pretty messy divorce with his wife, and losing custody of his kids. so as a child  tessa was seen as the cause of a divorce and received mutliple letters from the editors wife (to tessa personally!) and his kids saying how she had ruined everything, but her mom moved them to another town so tessa didn’t have to deal with that crap. 

her mom worked 3 jobs to put her through school, so in return tessa pushes herself incredibly hard to succeed. needs a break and a hug and to get laid to be honest. 

an old soul. likes old films, old music, old people. only recently got an iphone 5s so not really with this century yet

very sweet and soft and kind but also a fucking mess and won’t listen to anyone else’s opinion. she’ll take comfort, but not advice. 

feminist buddhist bisexual vegetarian for human rights and animal welfare. standing on a soapbox shouting about the climate in the quad, shoving flyers into your hands. flyers everwhere. she turns up at your grandmas funeral and shoves one into her mouth. she’s stolen the mic from the vicar to talk about pandas.

says “mother of pearl” and “heavens to betsy”.

had an affair with her married piano teacher and he’s now facing a custody battle and his wife is leaving him and tessa has completely internalised that guilt despite her being the victim in the scenario

aesthetics: paint splattered jeans, loose curls spilling from a scrunchie, thrifted blouses in bright yellow, guzzling coffee in the library at three am when a term paper’s due, shoddily illustrated campaign posters to save endangered species, polaroids plastered to your bedroom walls with scribbled dates on the frames, jumping into a stack of autumn leaves, jumping off piers in the summer months and stripping off your wet clothes on the beach, digging your thumbs into peaches to leave a bruise, smoking with the extractor fan on to hide the smell, bath bombs, letting the girls at lush rub samples all over your skin, cacti with knitted bobble hats, decorative pillows and sun and moon blanket throws, basic bitch fairy lights hanging from every single window, painting the name of the boys you’ve loved inside your wardrobe door.

studies fine art and philosophy, and wants to become either a lecturer or the first woman president. vibe wise, very similar to leslie knope, missy from big mouth, and basically the naive everygirl with a high opinion of themselves trope

gets drunk off like one double vodka lemonade because she’s small and she’s a pretty messy wild drunk. it’s when slutty tessa comes out, and the next day she’ll thoroughly regret every choice made and decide she’s never drinking again and cutting out all men and starting daily sudoko

on the cheerleading team and is a flyer, which she sees as a HUGE responsibility and she works really hard to make sure she’s on it for her team. one of those get up at 7am and go to the gym before school types its sickening

she had a really traumatic time at high school because there was a shooting in her school. she was in the next classroom when it happened, and she lost one of her friends in the shooting. she had to take two months off school, was diagnosed with depression and put on anti-depressants because of it. in her 2nd year of uni she was rediagnosed with bipolar disorder and anxiety, which she’s now on medication for. she can be really good for several months at a time and feel super creative and determined (she actually finds manic periods helpful for her creativity n art, n sadly sometimes doesn’t take her meds in these periods to push herself more which is obvs super bad.....). but when the bad periods come they can also last months n she had to take a semester out of school last year because of her mood, so she should be a senior by now but she’s retaking junior year

she attends weekly stress-management sessions prescribed by her doctor which she finds pointless.

very childish in the sense that she can only see her own point of view and kind of views herself as the “protagonist” and thinks her ideas are super important and life changing and she IS Destined for Greatness! despite being pretty much average af

pinterest board.

STATS

age: 22

height: 5'2"

positive traits: kind-hearted, gregarious, selfless, philosophical, open minded, idealistic, courageous, feisty, charismatic, loyal, adventurous.

negative traits: stubborn, hot-headed, reticent, escapist, self-destructive, easily led, naive, troubled, complicated, stepford smiler, envious, overdramatic, explosive.

distinguishing Marks: heart-shaped birthmark on the right of her chest, splattering of freckles across the cheeks during summer months, full lips, large eyes, porcelain features, long wavy hair, tattoo of a bird and a cage on her ankles and a basic bitch arrow tat on her wrist (srry to anyone with an arrow tat).

skills: jack-of-all-trades, talented pianist, perceptive, knows the correct way to throw a punch, good survival instinct, is able to remain calm in stressful situations, endures, artistic, excels in academic studies, hard-working and self-motivated, expert liar and talented actress.

likes: wolves, vintage thrift store fashion, old leather-bound books, left-wing democratic politics, cigarettes, poetry, John Hughes movies, cold coffee, hot tea, the sound of laughter, staying up til 4am having deep conversations, Tchaikovsky, having deep conversations about life, stationary, DC Comics, horoscopes, winged eyeliner, cats, knee-high socks, house music, abandoned buildings, studio ghibli, the smell of the earth after rain, Wes Anderson films, herbal tea, old people, solitude, esoteric things, the smell of freshly baked bread, Charles Bukowski, the moon.

fears: death, oblivion, global warming, losing those she loves, isolation, clowns, guns, enclosed spaces.

nicknames: Tess, T-Dog, Tessie, Socrates, Princess, Sunshine Girl, Florence Nightingale.

alignment: Neutral Good

MBTI type: INFP

BIOGRAPHY

tw school shooting

Her story begins with Cordelia Costello, a twenty-three year old college drop-out, turned beautician, turned columnist, turned intern at a local publishing company. She was a youthful, beautiful, siren of a women, always surrounded by an aura of enigma and an entourage of men. It was no surprise to the gossips in the office that within six months working at the company, Cordelia had added to her list another title – mistress to Franklin Hozier, the Editor of the New York Times. After two blissful months and three hundred and twenty seven orgasms, Cordelia decided she wanted a baby. Franklin laughed in her face. Feeling isolated and used, Cordelia continued her affair with her boss’ boss for another month, before deciding to take matters into her own hands.

It started with a turkey baster.

Soon the infant cries of a baby girl graced the world, her wrinkled skin puckered and pink as her mother held her in her arms, glancing upon the most beautiful thing in her life. Once Tessa, named after Cordelia’s favourite literary heroine, entered the world, Franklin left her life and things took a turn for the better. Despite living in a rented one-bedroom apartment in Staten Island, on what little money Cordelia had saved, Tessa’s childhood years were filled with nothing but the happiest of memories. Times were tough, but what they lacked in money, the Costello’s made up in love. While Tessa was at school, Cordelia did odd jobs cleaning, child-minding, working in local nurseries, in order to save up enough money to give her daughter the best start in life.

Despite what she had been led to believe by television shows and teen movies, the first few years of High School were some of the best years of her life. Tessa threw herself into a multitude of activities that High School offered her, including the drama club, the orchestra, choir, badminton and the school newspaper. While she certainly wasn’t considered ‘popular’ at school, Tess had a wide circle of friends and acquaintances. In fact, High School was a place where she made some of the greatest memories of her life, but come her final year, it was also a place where she was haunted by some of her worst.

On the January 17th of Tessa’s senior year of high school, a shooting took place in Westville High School. For two hours Tessa locked herself in a supply cupboard, her head between her knees as she tried to stay silent despite the screams of horror from the corridor. Eighteen students were caught in the crossfire, two of which were Tessa’s best friends. Bouquets of flowers, laminated photographs, Teddy Bears in cling-film bags attached to balloons littered the streets as families and friends came to pay tribute to the eighteen students withered before they had a chance to bloom.

It took two months of therapy before Tessa could return to school. Some of the survivors could never return due to the horrors that their eyes had laid witness to. Sometimes Tessa felt like a part of her had died with the friends that were stolen from her too soon, but one thought kept her going through: she had survived, she was alive and breathing, and she could not afford to loose a second of the precious time she had been granted on this earth. Despite the nightmares that continued to haunt her each night, Tessa found in the aftermath of the disaster a new sense of motivation. She began applying for scholarships for colleges without her mother’s knowledge, in the hope that her academic success would be enough to carry her through further education. Thankfully, it was, and after three torturous months of waiting Tess was offered an arts scholarship to her dream school, Lockwood University, where she hoped she could finally start to rebuild her life.

THE PRESENT:

Life at university was like a separate world. Students came and went like moths among the whisperings and the tequila and the stars. In this new world, Tessa was exposed for the first time in her life to alcohol, drugs, and the sexual appetites of other students her age – though she politely declined all three. Instead, Tessa threw herself into the vast array of activities in the hope that by distracting herself she could escape the terrible flashbacks that continued to haunt her. Tessa joined the lacrosse team, despite never having played before, and took up cheerleading discovering a new talent; she joined the musical theatre group, and the film club, and even set up her own acapella singing society. But despite how much she tried to throw herself into student life, her past hung around her like a bad smell, and with the added pressure of the Sinking Ships zine, Tess began to feel the weight of her secret tying her down like a pair of shackles around her wrists.

PERSONALITY:

If someone was to describe Tessa in a single word, it would most likely be ‘bubbly’, ‘open-minded’ or ‘sweet’. But they would be wrong – Tessa is not bubbly, or sweet, or stubborn, or hotheaded, or fiesty, or infectious, or any of the things the world see her as, but merely a numb and lonely echo of the gregarious, halcyon girl she once was. Tessa Costello was one of life’s enigmas. No one knew who she was, for to each person she met she wore a different mask – she dripped confidence, or was painfully shy; she was an exhibitionist, or a brooding wallflower; she took things too seriously, or not seriously at all. She was an actress and the world was her stage, each person she met a different member of the audience in the performance of her life. In truth, Tessa no longer even recognised herself. Insecure, and self-destructive, she tried to hang on to the extroverted, mischievous pieces of herself that everyone had once loved, but day by day it got harder to know what lay in the vacant holes blown through her mind. While she was stubborn and hot-headed, Tessa always saw the best in people, which meant that she was easily led astray. While she had grown up learning to be street smart and astute, she was idealistic and allowed silly fantasies to cloud her mind. By nature, she was passionate, which lead her to misimagine and romanticise those she met. Despite the hell she had witnessed, and the anxiety that feasted upon her, she believed that people were innately good and that to have courage and be kind could cure anyone of their sadness – yet she was unable to cure herself.

TWITTER:

@500daysoftessa: i blame disney films and musicals for my high expectations of men

@500daysoftessa: i am in love with the boy who works at starbucks. today i asked for a double latte and he gave me a tripple, which i think is proof that my love is requited. our children will be smart and talented and beautiful.

@500daysoftessa: little known historical fact: pharaohs were burried with their hands crossed over their chests because it was a popular belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

[girlbookwrm]

It’s here! At last!  THE MIGHTY PRE ENDGAME REWATCH CONTINUES, WITH:

AKA IS IT MY BIRTHDAY? YES. YES IT IS.

(or it was at any rate, it took me Some Time to get this all typed up because holy fuck it’s long. looks like i’ve got Some Feelings about The Winter Soldier. WHO KNEW)

ANYWAY, if you’re wondering what the hell this is all about i’ve been rewatching all the marvel movies (and commentating on them) in preparation for Avengers: Endgame and NOW IT IS TIME FOR MY FAVORITE ONE

I got @goteamwin​ and @pegasuschick​ here IT’S A PARTY! WE GOT COOL RANCH DORITOS AND BRAINWASHED SUPERSOLDIERS LET’S DO THIS.

Day 912: i still miss the old marvel logo

LISTEN THIS IS THE BEST OPENING SCENE IN MARVEL HISTORY FIGHT ME.

“~on your left ;)~” honestly? iconic.

God Bless Steven Grant Rogers and his Smedium Shirts.

Steve, known bisexual disaster, is hitting on Sam here. this isn’t even in question, right? Sam’s quip about “making me look good to the girl at the front desk” was a soft rejection and Steve takes it like a champ.

Important to note: the black widow uses emojis in her text messages. 

Also important to note: Sam Wilson hits on the Black Widow because he flies into combat at 100 miles per hour wearing a tee-shirt and dad jeans he fears nothing not even death itself

also also important to note that The Roommate went to see this movie by herself, low key cosplaying as Fem!Cap. she did this in part because I had gone to see it first (i was in the UK at the time, and it came out over there before it came out in the US. ~IRONY~) and as soon as I got back from seeing it (i had low-key cosplayed as fem!Hawkeye. it’s a long story) I emailed her and was like O HAI U SEEN DIS? U WILL LIKE IT. ~and she dii-iiiiiid.~

every time i see this scene now, i hear that bit from the gag real.

cevans: Kill the engines. wait for instructions. *whining and stamping his foot* cuz i’m in chaaaaaaaarge.

Being asked about your dating life and then immediately jumping out of an airplane is a Big Mood

I would like us all to appreciate that steve put a nice matte stealth finish on his patriotic dinner plate, special for this mission. 

Also, we’re all agreed that Steve kills at pool, yeah? Give me Steve being a pool shark at the local watering hole plz n thank.

Steve: *punches a guy through the shield*

The Roommate: but why does he punch that guy through the shield?

Me, having a Terrible Thought: Maybe one time he accidentally punched through a guy’s face and ever since then he uses the shield as, like, a buffer when he wants to take people alive.

The Gal Pal: WOW. YOU WENT THERE.

parkour!

~Hey Sailor ;)~

that one guy working for Batroc really needs to lay off the steroids, or whatever is giving him this Unnecessary Rage. You know the guy I mean.

love how batroc is jchilling and then WHAM! IT IS I! AMERICA!

ON! VA! VOIR!

did he learn this from Dernier? he learned this from Dernier.

The Gal Pal: that is a ridiculously huge flash drive

Me, Just Now: overcompensate much?

Nat’s little eyeroll after Steve says “you’re damn right”

The Roommate: Nat is So Tired of Steve’s Drama™. And now she’s going to have to deal with his cold shoulder the whole flight back, and she’s going to have no one to talk to but Rumlow and uggghhhhhh

Steve comes into Fury's office and Damn. Dat Ass.

The Roommate: They know what they're doing here.

eyyyyyy tony’s in this movie (kinda)

I love that Steve just like, drives around with the shield on his back. 

Enter The Smithsonian.

The Roommate: I! LOVE! THIS! SO! MUUUUUUCH!!!

Me: Gee sure would be nice to be able to go to a smithsonian right now.

*american sobbing intensifies*

The Roommate: what is the timeline here? does he come straight back from the mission into yelling at fury? and then straight here?? Is Steve just like “oop time to go look at my old stuff and Emote”? Is this his routine??

buckyyyyyyyyyyy

listen yall know the extent of my BuckRogers feels but every time they pull out that compass i develop a terrible case of The Steggies.

“It’s just not the same” ha ha kill me.

~So Dramatic ;)~

“Steve?” HA HA HA KILL ME

Fury’s Computer:

At This Juncture The Commentators Would Like It Noted That It Has Been 23 Solid Minutes of Stuff We 1000% L O V E and everyone’s favorite brainwashee has not even appeared yet.

but he’s coming

s o o n

Also, we all hate Alexander Pierce but he is a great villain and also Robert Redford might be an older fella but he can definitely still get it heyooo

Steve is so awkward here. But like, imagine him actually going to one of these VA things, like everyone’s all “ied this, helicopter that” and steve’s just like “so one time in ‘44 i punched my way into a panzer”

The Roommate, Who Is Sometimes More Evil Than Me: ~NOW IS AN EXCELLENT TIME TO REMEMBER THAT RILEY WASN’T IN A PLAAAAAANE~

at this moment, the DC driving types lost their goddamn minds.

“WHAT IS THIS? WHERE IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE? WHERE, IN WASHINGTION, THE DISTRICT OF GODDAMN COLUMBIA, IS THERE THIS LITTLE TRAFFIC, HUH??”

“You wanna see my lease?” i c o n i c. 

Did you know that SLJ was an actual Black Panther? I did not know this, but as soon as the Gal Pal told me, i was like “oh yeah that checks out.”

meanwhile, the couch based road rage continued all around me.

“This part of DC ~DOES NOT EXIIIIIIIIIIIIST~”

“Traffic alert? on the Roosevelt Bridge? Yeah in other news WATER IS WET.”

“wait is he getting on 66? ARE YOU GETTING ON 66?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???”

“Have you ever even been on 495?????”

HE’S HERE!!!

just like, damn gurl, u make that highway ur catwalk. 

Me: What the hell kind of laser pointer do you have there, Nick?

The Gal Pal & The Roommate: It’s A Lightsaber.

The Roommate: So is this just like? An Average Day In The Life Of Captain Rogers? Get up, go for a run, annoy a veteran, fly to the other side of the world, kick ass, fly home, talk back to a superior officer, drop my priceless shield off at home, go emote at a smithsonian exhibit, have my heart ripped out by my nonagenarian ex, go flirt with annoy a veteran (part two, now with added Feelings™) go home, get rejected by my neighbor, CHASE A FUGITIVE.

JUST ANOTHER DAY! IN THE LIFE OF STEVEN GRANT ROGERS!!

honestly his neighbors must hate him

that’s why Sharon’s his neighbor, everyone else LEFT.

The Biggest Flash Drive

Let’s Not Forget, that because she is undercover as a nurse, Sharon probably just kicked that door down with crocs.

YOU’RE WELCOME

let’s appreciate that the Soldier’s theme music is just SCREAMING and also you should know that every time it comes on, the Gal Pal and I start SCREAMING. not, like, in an “oh we’re excited” way, just, like, the way you sing along to the theme song of your favorite TV show, you know?

PARKOUR!

The Roommate: good job with your eyeliner there, buddy. You Did Your Best.

The Gal Pal: That Is Dupont Circle and Steve is Extremely Gay. 

(yes, we know he’s bi.)

Natasha really should know better than to believe that Nick is dead.

THAT IS THE WORST PLACE TO HIDE THE FLASH DRIVE

The Gal Pal: genuinely, it’s such a bad hiding place it stresses me out.

The Roommate: Yeah, what was he thinking? I mean, was his logic just that no one likes that gross bubblegum?

Me: UM WHAT?

The Gal Pal: EXCUSE YOU THAT IS BUBBLE YUM.

The Roommate: ... yeah but it’s the gross bubblegum flavor?

At this point we lost a few minutes to divide into Pro and Anti Bubblegum Camps and then had to run the movie back because we missed:

~Neighbor ;)~

i c o n i c

The Roommate: Sir. Stop Having That Face. That is Illegal.

(she is having A Difficulty. The Difficulty is cevans’ jawline)

But seriously: What actually happens in this scene? We are all Steve and we all want to punch our way out of this confusing conversation.

God that face/those tits/that ass tho

Young Man. You Stop That.

THE ELEVATOR SCENE. I mean how many movies can say that some of their best scenes happen in an elevator? That alone is a real accomplishment.

They’re all ~soooo casual~ and then there’s rollins, who isn’t even trying. “records.” These WWE wrestlers are not going to records, come on.

at this point we stopped commentating except in inarticulate whoops of delight and shrieks of glee. except for one brief aside

Me: This scene is so sexy, but like, not in a sexy way? Like, the fighting style isn’t that “oooo I’m fighting in a sexy way” it’s just, it’s so...!

The Roommate: Primal?

and I regret to inform you all that yes, she is 100% Correct, it is indeed sexy in a primal way.

“whoa big guy”

i just.

that’s all i got on that

tiny turtle of freedom

we had the subtitles on, and it just says “woman screams” Screams in what? JOY? 

It’s raining men! Hallelujah!

“Stand down, Captain Rogers! Stand! Down!

Captain Rogers: *accelerates*

They’re being made to watch social media so what I want to know is which poor SHIELD guy got stuck monitoring tumblr?

“oh we’re getting all kinds of hits but uhhhhhhhhh they’re not......... pertinent..............”

why doesn’t The Biggest Flash Drive have a cap? it is now full of crumbs. it’s full of crumbs, guys. if it’s going to be that big it should at least be one of those cool slider ones.

“Are you calling for my resignation? do you know who i am? Bitch I Am Robert Redford.”

Apple Store Aaron. “hey guys why’s your flash drive so big??”

“yeeeah. we’re getting married.”

Honeymoon destinations -- where are you going?

Steve: (without thinking, reads the first thing he sees) New Jersey

Steve: *dies a little inside*

Steve: *forgive me bucky for i have sinned*

I love that they’re coming out and Steve is 100% tactical brain and then Nat’s just like “put your arm around me and laugh” and when it works Steve just looks back over his shoulder like:

oh my god it worked???

sPyING is WitCHCraFT?????

“was that your first kiss since 1945?”

“That was not my first kiss since 1945,” said Steven Grant Rogers, Who Is Definitely Lying, and Furthermore, Is Fooling Exactly No One.

Sidenote: Ship and let ship, obviously and always, but I love Steve and Nat as BROS too much to ever see them romantically, The Bromance Is Strong With Them.

it’s been said before, but it’s worth saying again

Steve: kind of hard to find someone with shared life experience.

Bucky, ten minutes later, wearing bondage gear: HELLO IT IS I

SKINNY STEVE!

of course he memorized the army regulations.

Listen. The cell phone trick Bugs Me™ and the only thing that lets me get through it is the idea that they cleverly cut around natasha standing there for 40 minutes trying out every possible permutation of those numbers, with possible duplications.

I like the idea that Computer!Zola has been building this little fanvideo since the mid-seventies and he’s just! so excited! to show it to someone!

Steve punching the screen is another Big Mood.

“even captain america and the black widow can’t survive a missile Directly To The Face” BITCH U THOUGHT

it’s nice that they give bucko a kirk light here

~u want some milk? ;)~

honestly, what the fuck even is that line.

they made Robert Redford say that line.

what does it mean

YOUNG MAN! THAT IS! ILLEGAL!

altho tbh i want a slightly grubby Steve in a tank top to give me a pep talk, like, every day. that would be fine.

The Gal Pal, A Curly Haired Individual: hhhhhhhow did Natasha straighten her hair. This makes me So Angry.

Me: I mean, I like to imagine her with Sam’s Iron and ironing board, just like *mimes frantically ironing hair with a Very Soviet Expression*

Fort Meade is the best scene that isn’t in the movie.

Aw Gary Shandling’s here. Awwwww Gary Shandling...

Sam, are you intimidating this guy or flirting with him?

To Those who remember the Potato/Gremlin Scale, I propose a third option, a kind of venn diagram situation going on, where the third option is Fey Creature. Sam is neither Potato nor gremlin, but he might be a Fey Creature.

God I love this scene.

LOOK AT SAM HERE: No armor, no flightsuit, no fucking knee pads no goddamn helmet just Casual Dad Falcon, Suns Out Guns Out.

Steve: What the fuck’s an SAT.

he’s coming.

*SCREAMING*

he’s here.

is it murder or is he modeling?? “you got this Soldier, make ‘em wait for it... Boom.”

this is the greatest fight scene of all time, honestly. This and then the fight scene in the first RDJ holmes movie are the Only fight scenes i can even remotely stand to watch. Except maybe some of the bending battles in ATLA. but this scene. this is top of the list. it’s just. *kissy chef fingers*

Soldier strolling along not firing his weapon because he has no shot and he is a Child of the Depression who don’t waste no bullets.

only loses his cool when Widow Breaks his stuff.

Sam Wilson: Brings a pocket knife to an automatic rifle fight and wins.

“go, I got this!”

aw yeah you do

THAT STRUT™

Soldier strolling along the street. so bored. could be home watching project runway.

That thing Soldier does with the arm Does Things to me for reasons that I choose not to examine too closely

ANYWAY WE DON’T HAVE TIME TO UNPACK ALL OF THAT.

“who the hell is bucky” wow there Soldier you went from Full Russian to American Accented English awfully quick I Wonder Why

Soldier’s reaction to confusion is to Immediately Shoot and honestly that’s a Big Mood.

We are all agreed that the only reason SHIELD succeeds in taking Steve in is because

look at that face

steve’s not here right now, please leave a message.

More DC Area Rage: “WHERE IS THIS DAM? WHERE??”

natasha y r u surprised that Fury is alive?

oh noooooooooooo it’s time for this scene

OHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOO

Robert Redford to James Buchanan Barnes: You are a literal treasure.

OH NO OH NO OH NO

The Roommate: yeahhhhh this was maybe an. inappropriate scene for me to have to see in a theater. alone.

I love that while they’re making this ridiculous plan (yeah it’s ridiculous, i don’t care) Fury has to check in with Sam (WHO HE HAS LITERALLY NEVER MET BEFORE) presumably to just touch base and be like “Is this White Nonsense™?”

spoiler alert it is not White Nonsense™, but it definitely is Extra™

DAT JAWLINE THO. of course he’s giving the orders, LOOK AT THAT JAWLINE

LIL STEEB!

I’m with you to the end of the line.

what kind of marriage vow nonsense is that

jesus.

anyway, Sam comes in like: IT IS I! YOUR BEST FRIEND! YOUR BEST FRIEND IS ME NOW!

poooterrrr!!

This is the second secure government facility that they have broken into. Possibly the third, depending whether you count the bunker.

Dem Asses. Seriously. Everyone in this shot has an enviable ass. *distinguished golf clapping* bravo

“~Excuse us~” i c o n i c

God, Steve gives this speech and then we get sam’s reaction and you can physically see him having a sexual identity crisis and honestly BIG MOOD THERE, SAM

I have questions about the effect of this on the potomac river which has already had a hard enough time and does not deserve this Supervillain Nonsense.

you are ON FOOT steven. it is a FLYING AIRCRAFT CARRIER and you are ON! FOOT!

i’m so mad that it works too

mad, but like, also turned on. duh.

what’s cap’s true superpower? DRAMA

The saddest thing in this movie is that Jenny Agutter is Scarlet Johansson

don’t get me wrong, i like scarjo but this movie would’ve been even better if it wasn’t the black widow and was just a badass old british lady.

The Roommate: Sam’s superpower is that he’s the sane one.

Me: He flies into combat at 100 miles per hour with a jet pack and a tee shirt he is not the sane one.

The Roommate: Sam’s superpower is that he’s the emotionally balanced one?

Me: given the aforementioned armorless airborne combat situation that is highly fucking debatable my dude.

*SCREAMING*

HE’S HERE

let’s appreciate that Bucky is definitely flying this quinjet with a dead guy that he just murdered as his copilot.

i don’t know why that is so badass to me but it is

again, we don’t have time to unpack all of that, moving on.

Nick Fury: BITCH YOU THOUGHT

sidenote: i’m gonna really enjoy coming back to this movie after Captain Marvel. I can just feel it.

Maria is so casual about this. And that is an extremely sexy thing. I’m not sorry.

“Hey Sam, I’m gonna need a ride.”

Sam is still learning Rogersese and does not know that this means “I ALREADY DID THE STUPID THING PLEASE COME GET ME.”

Bucky ripping the wings off a beautiful butterfly

because Sam IS a beautiful butterfly.

except now his knees and legs and ankles are all broken because That’s How Bones Work.

he’s here

lol of course he’s got a knife.

I just love the sounds the arm makes.

butwedon’thavetimetounpackallofthat

the slide Bucky does here, this isn’t combat this is voguing.

Steve fights like the world is his barroom, bucky fights like the world is his catwalk.

“DON’T YOU TALK TO MY DAUGHTER LIKE THAT,” Nicholas J Fury

what’s the found family version of a BroTP? I have that for Dad!Nick and Adopted!Soviet!Assassin!Daughter!Natasha.

found familotp? FFOTP? no, that sounds like some kind of tactical asset. “LAUNCH THE FFOTP”

anyway, get on this tumblr, i want at least 10 options on my desk by monday.

This Extra. He could honestly make a living playing Confederates and Klansmen, you know which extra I mean.

“wHere ahre the tahrgets?”

the targets... is we.

A DC Local Aside: Everyone on 495 is So Tired of this nonsense. I sincerely hope they all remembered to pee before they left work. I hope they have snacks and water in their cars. because they now live on 495.

this shitshow is gonna fuck up our already extremely fucked up traffic patterns for yeeeeaaaaarrrrrssssss

Sam’s a born quipper, so i really like it when he sees the helicarrier coming down and just fucking bolts. NO TIME FOR SASS WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE

“Got a location on Rogers?”

Don’t know where he is, but he’s doing something stupid, i Guarantee It.

“you know me.”

“nNOo I dOn’T!”

Oh Steve. You put that shield down So Often. And you keep having to fucking pick it up a-fucking-gain.

And This Was The Moment When We All Realized That We Were In Trouble.

Big Mood, Bucky. Big Mood.

Sam wasn’t on the approved visitor’s list or anything, he just winked at one (1) nurse and they let him in.

i know just what to say it’ll annoy him so fucking much. “on your left.”

“Why haven’t we heard from Captain Rogers?”

Because he is taking a damn nap.

no but seriously, because if we put him in front of a camera right now, you will get the Talking To of the Century.

*eight hours later, congress is crying, hydra has surrendered, fox news is shutting down, steve rogers is still going strong* “AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON STUDENT DEBT!”

~cool guys don’t look at congressional meltdowns. They drop the mic and they walk away~

IT WAS CLEVELAND, IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING.

THEY FILMED IN CLEVELAND.

(they did film some in DC, obviously, but also cleveland.

*emoting at exhibits intensifies*

*SCREAMING INTENSIFIES*

in sum i have been typing for Too Long and I’m going to hit post so i can Go To Bed but there may need to be Corrections in the morning who tf knows

[bloojayoolie]

Advice, Alive, and Being Alone: NSFW This is the start of a beautiful thing. Say something nice, or share a cat fact. Today happy_cat7 2:32 AM Bro, your comment on that girl's post about being single is unacceptable. First of all, being alone is on you. Your attitude got you there. Second, how does having autism make girls not as good as "being normal". That's the "best" you can get? Not even that man. Because we're smart enough to know to stay away from guys like you. People with autism don't use either. You know why? Because we're socially awkward, which is perfectly fine, and we're smart. Only people who were raised improperly will use people, and that has nothing to do with autism. You need to snap back to reality. people 2:39 AM NSFW Heya. You might be right and i really might have a shirty opinion, but just because you have moral highground and all the right reasons to call me out for my faulty reasoning does not mean i can simoly 'get my shit together' with waving a magical wand or such. The socially isolating and introvertly shy lifestyle on top of being just average has not done me much good when it comes to having a girl or relationships at all. Sure i might have a because of that and not have best reasoning but then what? not being able or allowed to even express my feelings even if they are ones? To just shut the fuck up and just 'BE' something that i an not in 0.5 seconds? shirty outlook on life faukty Goddamn typos... happy_cat7 2:43 AM Maybe you should actually try to understand them? I mean seriously, communication is key bro 2:43 AM NSFW Understand who? happy_cat7 2:45 AM People. People with autism or just people in general $2:46 AM NSFW I might be on a spectrum myself and it probably sounded way wrong as what i intended it to sound like so ifet why you got so ypset Ffffd And even when you are my faults, i dont mind. but giving superficial, shallow and just bad advice is not so cool though right to call me out on happy_cat7 2:49 AM Yeah, well I get pretty defensive sometimes when it comes to people with autism, because we seriously don't deserve to be treated so poorly ya know? And there's literally nothing wrong with us, our brains just function a little differently. So when people talk badly to or about autistic people I get mad 2:51 AM NSFW An average guy who might as well be autistic and is inteoverted as fuck...without a single relationships ever in his life....the best u can do is 'try to understand leople in general? gee thant helps, and i do realize how aggressive and cold i sound, it is voice of desperation and desair talking... Despair happy_cat7 2:55 AM Well what I'm trying to say is communication is key. I know it's not easy to understand people sometimes, and being introverted makes communication hard. I already know that. That's been my whole life. But I've always tried to push past it. It also helps if the person you're talking to isn't a jerk and actually tries to understand that you have trouble communicating (I've had that happen to me, a "friend" called it an excuse. We're not friends anymore) 3:09 AM NSFW Well, thanks for calling me out on my bullshit, i was wrong to write whatever was on my mind without thinking any of it over, my bad. But i'm fucked as i was and i know i am empathetic, kind and mean well in my daily life, but that constant inability to create relationships/friendships in my daily life has pushed me into a state of despair the anger and rage is clawing out from deep within as i lash out at people who have done me no wrong. Isolation and inteoversion is not a simple lifestyle change on a something that i am not and if i tried i'd be fake as fuck and could not live with myself, so i remain timid and awkward, confidence and self-esteem is not found in a pack of pringles neetly stacked and ready to be indigested for success. It feels like peasent farmer person without education and manners of a noble to flip of a switch. I can be just start acting like one. It is hard to just live life on daily basis with knowing that it will not really get all that better. Isolation and lack of empathic friends is killing will to live quite fast. And i am one of a insane number of guys like me, there are soothe the pain of it yet i take none of it, no drugs, alchohol or cigaretes or anything like |that, i eat healthy and work out, i help my family out and keep it cool with them. But alart from that i ama broken person who feels pain of being alive being alive alone without a friendly soul to just be there for me from time to time. plenty of bad habbits to turn to to You are female and by reading this you know and think that there is no way in hell that you'd be around a lerson like me wven just for support. Who likes weak men...but should they all just up and off themselves? To change there needs to be massive pull |towards something, will to live and achieve something, but what about those whose will has been stomped, abused and rejected in childhoods, for those who grow up broken and without guidance? Does taking random happy pill advice help such people? Zombie pills or forever-sleep injections for the unworthy i dunno, all i can say is that it feels soul crushing. Well fuck, you likely don't care for any of it and i am just bothering you, if you read this far then i'm sorry for consuming your resources ar ruining you mood, go be happy and free like a cute little girl you are. happy_cat7 3:20 AM Hey man don't talk down to me like that, I'm trying to sleep. Yeah I'm human I sleep. I guess I was wrong about your change of attitude, the second you don't get attention you talk to me like I'm 4'3 and still drink from a sippy cup. Piss off Message Daggerforce ur/ He said crap about autistic people. I thought he changed his attitude.. Nope. Threw a pity party, when he didn't get the attention he wanted he talked down to me

[lafortis]

oops *social programs. like increasing class sizes, cutting bursaries, cutting library funding, cutting OHIP drug coverage. that kind of thing

so like

idk this is a topic i feel like i should say more about but i’m tired rn so this is what u get

increasing class sizes, presuming you could link that directly to a decrease in quality of outcomes in education, is dumb and short-sighted. education, especially in k-12, is one of the safest and best long term investments and state actor can make, no questions asked. in cutting it, presuming class sizes actually do actually cause disengagement or worse outcomes (not a huge leap), you run the risk of increasing crime rates (delinquent youth - in-class engagement, extra-curriculars, and economic opportunity brought about by success in education all have been show to decrease crime rates [iirc, citing things when ur hunched on a roadcase is a little beyond me rn but if u want citations i can provide]) and decreasing flow of graduates to jobs that require ppl with higher education, either stymieing broader economic growth or forcing them to look elsewhere and bring ppl in either interprovicnially or internationally, which i get the impression isn’t the outcome foug dord seeks, were he asked. 

cutting bursaries falls under the same category in my opinion; it is, broadly speaking, a good use of gov’t money to offer money for higher education. the increased income tax revenue over the person’s lifetime would likely more than pay for it, even in a zero sum game where the gov’t doesn’t also benefit from a more educated overall populace/workforce (which they fucking do). again, long term substantial benefit being sacrificed for short term gain in the name of deficit reduction (which i’ll... get to)

library funding is just a kick in the fucking teeth tbh, but if i have to address it seriously, libraries’ benefits are similar to that of higher school engagement; lowering crime rates as otherwise delinquent youths, poor families etc have a place for their children to spend time safely and productively. besides their use as a repository for local history (which i’m sure ford’s rural base would approve of if they realized it was there, but he’s from etobicoke and therefore doesn’t give a shit), they host events, help educated local children, represent the most freely available source of learning to low-income individuals, and offer a safe space to the public during business hours. for how much money they consume, cutting them is almost always a bad idea, regardless of province or country.

cutting OHIP coverage is dumb. single payer pharmacare is good. for reasons why see the folllowing:

suck my dick

for real tho i know my man wants to privatize health care in this province i done seen it in his eyes IRL. 

and as a serious answer: those whose drugs you know longer pay for will likely burden the system in another way later down the line, and that’s usually much more expensive. unless he plans to defund ERs as well (which doesn’t exist anywhere, even private systems, which is why private systems are dumb; you turn people away until they’re literally dying, do an extremely expensive procedure to save them because you’re practically ethically obligated to, and then hit them with the bill, which they can’t pay any of, or they would’ve fixed it earlier. they go bankrupt, but you can’t squeeze blood from a stone either. everyone loses) preventative care, even ancillary care like non-essential pharma, is cheaper long-term than waiting for someone to be more expensive and more necessary to fix. you could split hairs about which are necessary and which aren’t or what have you, but quite frankly those administrative costs plus the quality of life downgrade ppl get from an obtuse pharmacare system means that it’s probably easier to just pay for it all. and THEN GUESS WHAT

you’re fucking single payer now. congratulations. want access to a market of 14 million? gotta negotiate with OHIP on drug prices now. fuck you. 

it’s literally more economically efficient for everyone except drug manufacturers, whose profit margins are so economically aberrant that they can kinda go fuck themselves. like it’s the exact kind of thing taxes exist for: something that can be accomplished better, cheaper and more consistently under a single entity than individually. federal liberals are threatening to move this way and if they get re-elected i’ll personally suck trudeau’s dick to make it happen. it’s just fucking common sense.

 so that just leaves us with uhhh,,,, one thing left, which is the provincial gov’t’s assertion that ontario’s debt is out of control, way too high, etc. as the reasoning behind austerity measures like these. which is like, it sounds good on paper? to the layman, sure, it holds up. their $343bn number is intimidating, there’s the “highest sub-sovereign debt” factoid floating around always, wynne was unpopular, liberals spend too much, so therefore spending was too high in the eyes of the ppl. whatever. economy doesn’t exist solely in political ads and the heads of those they’re targeted towards. 

governments are made to hold debt. more than an individual, or a company, or a mega-corporation or conglomerate, governments are debt-holding entities. the actual amount is rarely important, as long as it’s payment has been earmarked over the time agreed upon. the interest over time is weighed against the economic growth that that spending is projected to create. actual cost of the debt is minimal. ontario’s interest payments appear to amount to about $4bn LESS than quebec’s, despite quebec having about 2/3rds of our debt. their debt to gdp ratio is 52% to our 39%. 

the reason our debt is so much higher than other comparable sub-sovereign entities (i.e. american states) is because our provinces bear MUCH more spending burden than their peers. if you average out provincial and federal debt to get a more even representation of debt per capita, ontario is SAFELY in the black compared to other similar economies (which, to be fair, is partially because america’s federal debt is so high, but state debt’s and spending are so low that it’s not even a comparison otherwise). the only concerning stat in our entire economic portfolio is that economic growth

further research on their direction on the topic actually leave me less angry than before in a broad sense; their fiscal policymakers seem to generally agree that the best way to reduce debt is to spend at current levels rather than increase. it’s mostly i suppose the specifics you brought up as well as their rhetoric and political ads that i vehemently disagree with as short-sighted. 

as usual canadian politics is a watered down version of american, so even their post-trump candidate actually still staffs genuine fiscal conservatives who don’t make obvious and easy to avoid mistakes.

vic fidelli can still suck my dick tho. this statement is dumb and obviously not true. “hey economic winds are blowing well so our long term strategy is obviously ALREADY WORKING”. fuck you. fuck off. stupid bitch.

so yeah

tat’s me onion

[kazmorosov]

|| bill skarsgard, cismale, he/him || ( kazaran morozov ) is a ( 25 ) year old ( senior ) at rockport university studying ( business + literature [TA] ). people say they are ( ardent ) but also ( stoic ), and remind others of ( coffee rings on crisp paper, losing their sense of reality, hushed arguments ). bet they sure didn’t expect anyone to know about ( his plagiarizing to succeed and honor his terminally ill mother he killed ) but someone does, and ( kaz ) better cooperate if they plan to keep their lives. || james, 20, EST ||

hi i’m so sorry this took a long ass time to put out but im herE lmao here’s my baby

tw; murder, addiction/substance abuse, abuse mentions,

gen. info:

full name: kazaran nikolai morozov

nickname(s): kaz

b.o.d.: december 14th

label(s): the escapist, the academic, the fallen, the philanthropist, etc.

height: 6′4″

hometown: bangor, maine

sexuality: str...aigh...t ? question mark ?

biography:

born to a self-made businessman and a philanthropist with a penchant for odd names

his father’s a russian who moved to the u.s. in his childhood who still has many...unique, ties, to the country though none of those are important

his business involves military equipment and he works closely with the u.s.’s military (ahsdfghk conspiracies ?)

and his mother was a plain jane (literally--her name was jane) from a family of politicians; his uncle’s a senator

kaz is the eldest out of seven children (christ) and yes all of their names are just as excessive as ‘kazaran’

grew up with the pressure of the ‘golden child’ title; kaz had to be perfect at everything he did, from his grades to after school activities to manners and presentment

was always expected to follow in his father’s footsteps and like ?? partner with him once he was old enough? 

which is fine and grand except kaz had never given a shit about his father’s business; his real passion had always been for the arts, particularly literature and even more particularly poetry

he found that the arts was probably the most...free, kaz could get, without actively rebelling against his father

b/c god . . . his father is a force to be reckon’d w/

very strict man, likes to be in control constantly, not the...best, emotionally towards his family. or verbally. sometimes physically. y’know.

this really only...amplified, kaz’s perfectionist attitude. it was mostly out of fear of repercussions than much else

kaz has, however, always loved his mother.

jane is the opposite of their father, a woman who loves the world and everybody in it with this...heart of gold, and best intentions in mind

the only problem was that she was horribly submissive to her husband

aNYWAys okay, kaz grew up fairly unscathed but only because he was so...conformist, y’know?

loves his siblings and would die for them, but god--he’d have to side with his father just for his own sake, which definitely strained his relationship with a few of ‘em

AnywAys again; was pretty well-known in his high school

for being like, intimidatingly tall but also was fairly popular? star of the track team, student gov president, in DECA or whatever.

went to rockport just because it wasn’t...too far from home, and partially because he wasn’t allowed to go out of state.

and he was fine w/ it, man

his mother got sick his freshmen year, however, it wasn’t...horrible, at first

it was concerning, yes, but the doctors said she was going to be fine

jane was pretty...adamant about not letting her condition effect her children, too, so she acted as if she was fine

kaz, being a dumbass, was like alright fine this is fine and went on w/ life

sophomore year he met his soulmate; a future veterinarian named freya

n i mean he just...fell for her immediately, y’know ?? n ig she felt similar enough b/c they started dating immediately

it was really...good, for him; especially as his mother’s heath had suddenly taken a turn for the worst

kaz wound up taking two years off of school to care for his mother; his father was gone more often than not, and he felt as if his younger siblings shouldn’t have been burdened with the task

and well...jane never got better, only worse

it was at the point where the doctors had sent her home, knowing that nothing else could be done--she was confined to her bed, and miserable. in pain, really.

one...day, as kaz was tending to jane, she broke down. i mean, just, a full on emotional breakdown, a complete episode, begging him to just...put her out of her misery.

and, god, kaz had never disobeyed his parents (minus his studies in literature but y’knw what. . . not important rn) but that was so ?? morally ?? conflicting ??

they cried together for a long time until y’know. deciding what to do.

as soon as she had fallen asleep, kaz put a pillow to her.

he was never...caught, tho that may have involved some bribery on his father’s end who knows

the day after the funeral, kaz proposed to freya and she agreed.

and it really should’ve been fine if kaz’s mental health didn’t rapidly deteriorate like...he was not handling it well

freya helped, yes, but she could only do so much

turned to drugs, particularly painkillers after a minor car crash and just...a mix of shit, y’know.

probably stole drugs from his fiance’s job tbh

got on antidepressants, which only worsened his shit b/c he started ?? occasionally hallucinating his dead mother ??

his creativity had also just. shat on itself. he couldn’t write, no matter how hard he tried

his mother had really wanted him to pursue his dreams, and god, he was too far in his degree to drop literature

so he started....plagiarizing, his works, b/c kaz is a whole ass idiot. but he hasn’t gotten caught yet, somehow

his fiance thought the cruise program would be a great way for kaz to possibly, recover, since she could see how bad he was doing so he weNt because of her

also yes at this point he had gone back to school; had even gotten a TA position because he used to be...one of the best in his class, y’know ?

anyways yeah im paraphrasing this all horribly but idc u get the point

drug addict, mercy-killed his mother, loves his fiancee, tortured soul, y’know all that

personality:

likes to pretend he’s much calmer than he actually is, y’know

likes the whole aloof and distant thing b/c it’s already so easy for him to be intimidating

he can b a lil snarky, a lil sarcastic, but he’s overall always been really well meaning?

can be extremely passionate about his hobbies, or his future wife, or really...anything he mildly likes, tho, y’know?

gOD is he always feeling so guilty, tho, it really weighs him down

but he’s also like...usually high, sometimes u can tell but more often than not u can’t ??

because he’s obsessed w/ seeming okay. and doing okay. and being that average dude next door, y’know?

he wants to be normal, to feel normal, but he’s got this wave of emotions crashing into his chest and he’s in sm pa i n constantly

like he’s got major anxiety but u won’t know unless u catch him in midst of a panic attack and like he’d rather die than somebody see that

probably journals as a way 2 like...cope, and keep himself calm

uuhh he’s like lowkey a huge softie. will cry at sad movies and won’t care tht he’s crying about it

takes teaching rly seriously but he’s also always concerned somebody’s going to figure out that he’s just. a fraud.

smart, with dumbass energy

like he just...sometimes doesn’t think ??

loves his fiancee a whole bunch but this distance thing is...sm harder than he thought it would be. she’s his anchor and he’s just ?? floating aimlessly now

but yeah he’s always acting like he’s okay, like he’s gucci.

uuuhhhh god i dont know what else to say tbh ?? he’s just. a mans. being a mans.

probably doesn’t sleep super often b/c not only is he a TA, but he’s got some mf nightmares man

wanted connections:

got a girl best friend but he needs a...dude best friend?

other friends in general, honestly

professors he’s got some sort of relationship with b/c he’s working for penelope rn

a flirty unrequited thing, where they keep tryn but kaz is like nO i am TAKEN look at this photo of my beAUTIFUL FIANCEE

ppl pissed at him for the grades he’s given them LMAO

people...concerned? for him?

bad mf influences who are like LET’S GET FUCKED UP

a dealer y’know. somebody on the ship who can give him what he wants which is a Lot

uuh let’s brainstorm together, bb

like srsly just. gimme a like, i’ll pop into ur dms w/ my messy tall son and be like let’s fuck him up !

[babieken]

no you’re totally right. - i kind of spoke about two different groups from you.

i was talking pretty generally about the whole issue (if you can call it that) as well because like i said i don’t really think it’s my place to speak considering i’m a new fan and i only really understand the feeling from situations outside this specific one and every situation like this is different and what fans and artists go through is different. so it’s definitely not my place to be firmly making any points about it.

i agree with everything you were saying. like i previously it’s just unfair to deny people to feel what they feel - especially if you’re like me and you never lived through it. it’s also unfair to essentially be anti-wonho. i don’t know about you but i’ve seen people who are obviously anti-ot7 be incredibly rude when people bring up simply things like wonho is the one who designed mondoongie and such and that’s not right. you may be okay with not having him in the group anymore to actively want to erase the work he’s put in the group is seriously wrong.

the whole situation is just a little crazy and weird and people are just constantly and knowingly hurting others people’s feeling because they know that saying certain things will hurt them. you can be respectful and understanding on their individual careers and still be on either side but people typically like to play the ‘i’m right; you’re wrong’ game and it just ends in conflict. (because that’s what they’re looking for)

((side note i don’t know what the whole nickfest thing is about either - it just doesn’t quite seem like the right fit for them, their average audience age or their music but considering eshy is notoriously bad at his job this is clearly the best he can do 😒))

hiii!! sorry for the long wait i saw these just before logging off to go to bed last night and I've been pretty busy all morning ;;;;

yeah the whole situation is crazy and it's mostly the fault of the company and how they dealt with it. (I say this knowing other companies probably wouldn't have done a better job, if not worse. people got kicked out of their groups without any notice for MUCH much less) at the end of the day it all comes down to this whole unwritten policy that isolated wonho for years -up until maybe this year- not just from monsta x but from the rest of the industry. it's the fact that he was treated like an outcast despite being free of all charges and wasn't getting any interactions or promo outside of his won circle until pretty recently that pushes both sides (ot7 and anti ot7 stans) further apart. it's fucking sick.

and this whole lightstick debate has been driving me insane!!!! tbh at first (and before the vlive situation) I was like 'so what? just bring whatever it's not like he's gonna notice from that distance' but after seeing some more arguments around it I'm starting to kind of see the other side's point. like to me it sounded like some mbbs were saying they'll bring moondongie bc they don't have a weneebong and that would make sense bc lightsticks are pretty pricy and not everyone might want to spend that much on them just for a concert, but then I saw people arguing that seemed like had different intentions; showing that they still support "monsta x wonho"... and nope. that does not sit well with me, nor does it make sense. this is SOLO wonho's concert and shoving a moondngie in his face and expecting him to have a positive reaction is incredibly disrespectful. this just makes things more difficult for mbbs who don't have a weneebong and didn't have that intention by bringing moondongie instead. like he definitely won't be able to tell from stage unless ur on the first few rows and if he goes into the crowd for encore u could just turn ur moondongie off and put it in your bag.

honestly i wish more newer mbb/wenees and stan twt were like you!! it doesn't take much to understand that you can't tell people how to feel and you don't need to fully understand where they're coming from to respect their feelings! so thank you <3

almost forgot! i actually have no idea what this nIck fest is... like is it a nickelodeon thing? the one where they pour slime on people? the thing that's for literal KIDS???? it makes no sense... monsta x's target audience isn't even teens! it's ADULTS, MILFS, DILFS, AND THILFS!! tf are they gonna sing for KIDS??? I'm.... *clown emoji*

[tenecity]

from haters to lovers; lin yanjun

from haters to lovers—a series where nine percent and you have the cliche, typical love story

au; highschool

cr. @aestheticninepercent i juST HAD TO ADD THIS IN its so prettyyyy bub ure a genius

[AT THE START]

You hated playboys. Like you absolutely hate them. You think they are detestable. I mean, they literally go around, leading other people on, enticing others with their enchanting looks and the later on, turn from the angel to the devil and break people’s hearts. I mean hello?? We’re in 2018?? Some respect for others’ feelings please??? They never take relationships seriously; everything is just a fling for them. But have they ever considered the fact that some people emotionally invest in relationships??? This world isn’t always cruel and cold; people have feelings too, people have emotions too, and playing with their heartstrings like a puppeteer isn’t what a decent human being should do.

Hence why you hate Lin Yanjun. He is literally

playboy

ˈpleɪbɔɪ/

noun

      Lin Yanjun

He is the Original™ playboy of the school, that one heartbreaker that everyone doesn’t want to fall for, but eventually falls for, gets broken and moves on from. Everytime he opens his locker or looks under his desk, there is at least 5 love letters waiting for him to read but they are never read because he just glances at them, waits for them to pile up, and then at the end of each term, he throws them into the rubbish bin. You have seen him do it. And it makes your blood boil.

So yes, you absolutely hate Lin Yanjun. Not popular opinion, especially since at least 90% of the girls in school pine for him, 9.9% of them have boyfriends so technically they can’t pine for him (although you have seen boys crying at the rooftops because their girlfriends had been stolen by Yanjun) and then there is the 0.1%, which is just basically you, who shows no interest whatsoever for that idiot.

“Oh my god!!! Lin Yanjun!!!” The girls screamed as they all crowd around the volleyball court and watch the said boy play. Honestly, it’s not like he is a very good player. Average, at best? You scoff when you hear the screams go off again and drop of your bag. “Y/n!” Your captain calls you. “Decided to take a break from studying?” You shrug and smile cheekily at him, playfully hitting his arm. “Closet mugger, you don’t get to say that to me.” Picking up the other edge of the net,, you head over to the court and helped Zhengting set it up. You hooked the ends up to the pole and asked “Zhengting, you’re not seriously considering Yanjun as a main player, right?” “Why not?” He questions as he tugs the string to pull the net up. “Because, he is a terrible player.” You say it in a matter-of-factly way.

“He is, quite unfortunately, not a bad player. You have a bias! That’s why. Don’t give that pout now. Go and join the team and start warming up.” He says as he rolls your eyes at you, knowing full well how you hate Yanjun; and he secretly agrees. Whether it is because Yanjun had kissed his girlfriend during last year’s Christmas party, it doesn’t matter. At least there is one person in the school is clearly not blinded by the stunts Yanjun pulls.

You get on the opposite team, fist bumping your teammates. Yanjun is at the edge of the court, a smirk on his face as he throws the ball up and sends it flying over the net. Ziyi hits it back perfectly, catching Fei off guard and she misses it, crashing ungracefully on the floor. You can almost hear Yanjun inwardly groaning and you send him a wink as he glares back at you. 1-0, playboy.

The game continues and neither team is having a strong win. As soon as your team ends their victory hug, Yanjun’s team scores another point. And you’ve had enough; it’s now or never, you think as Xukun sets you the ball and you jump up, hand posed and you slam the ball down to the other court. You can hear Zhengting screaming “Perfect spike y/n!!!!” and you smile smugly to yourself as you land.

What you didn’t expect was to hear a body crashing to the ground and a sharp cry of pain.

[SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN]

You cross your arms as you wait outside the infirmary. It’s not your fault Lin Yanjun sucks as receiving the ball and he ended up fracturing his arm. Does he not know how to break his fall? Who the hell breaks their arm while playing volleyball?

The door opens and the doctor comes out, with Zhengting and Yanjun trailing behind him. You speechlessly bow the the doctor and look at the two. Zhengting is giving you the warning look and Yanjun… that’s weird. You thought he would be glowering at you, but he wasn’t. He just looked rather dazed, if not stunned, a deep crease between his brows and his head sometimes tilting to the left and right. You sincerely hope he didn’t hit his head.

“Y/n, y/n? Y/N!” Zhengting is nearly screaming at you when your head snaps up and stare at Zhengting. Was I staring at...Lin Yanjun this whole time? You frown at the thought. Gross. “Y/n, stop frowning, you look exactly like Yanjun. Yanjun, Yanjun, YANJUN! Hey yes brother, welcome to reality. You feeling ok? Why do you look so dazed?” Zhengting shakes Yanjun and the other’s eyes shift their gaze from you to Zhengting. “Huh….?” Zhengting rolls his eyes and looks back at you.

What? You mouth.

Apologise. He mouths back, jerking his chin at Yanjun.

You sigh. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit you, Yanjun.” Zhengting stares at you with doubt written all over his face and Yanjun seems to snap out of whatever trance he is in and just nods. “Not your fault, I should have broken my fall better.” He says nonchalantly. “Captain, my chauffeur is here. Can I go?” He doesn’t even reply and slips from Zhengting’s hold, stalking over to his car.

“Close your mouth, y/n. You look ugly like that.” Zhengting says as he wrinkles his nose in fake disgust and walks towards the bus stop. You automatically seal your lips together. You don’t know whether you should be shocked that he didn’t even blame you for a single thing, or be further disgusted by the fact that Yanjun is not only a playboy, he is also rich. Filthy rich. I mean, who the hell calls 4 cars to bring one person home?

Zhengting puffs out some air and turns to look at you as you take a seat next to him on the bench. “Y/n, if you did that because-”

“You know I didn’t,” You idly reply back. Zhengting sighs and takes a seat next to you. “Yea, I know you didn’t…”

He sighs so hard that his shoulders slump. “I am just worried…. Because I don’t know just what his fanclub of hysterical girls will say about you.”

Zhengting is right. Those hysterical girls had spread word that you had intentionally slammed the ball down and made it impossible for Yanjun to receive. Every single girl you pass by has at least said one comment about how you’re a single loser who is just trying to get Yanjun’s attention. You close your eyes as you seat at your place, hoping that the crude comments will wash over you like water.

You hear a fist slam down on the table and you open your eyes, thinking that it was Zhengting, for he had a short temper, especially when it came to people bullying you. He hated it that you would passively allow others to push you over and taunt you. You had shrugged and just said it didn’t matter.

Well obviously, it mattered a lot to a certain Taiwanese because he is looking at you from across the classroom, the desk he had slammed slightly dented, a glint in his eyes as his irises pierce through you. Normally, such a glare wouldn’t put you off. But today, your stomach feels weird and you feel choked, words stuck in your throat.

“Are you seriously going to continue to let this bunch of giggling shits bitch about you?” You have never noticed how silky his voice was; like a lightly flowing stream, gentle and soft, but at the rocks they gush and rush and cut the edges of the hard stones. The room has fallen silent, besides the crunching sound from the edge of the classroom (probably you zhangjing). The smirks on the girls’ faces have fallen and the snark comments, dead on their lips. “I, er,” You mumble, looking at everywhere but Yanjun.

“God.” He sighs out and walks up to you, an unreadable expression on his face. The next thing you know, his hand is having an iron grip on your wrist and he is dragging you up to the rooftop, despite your protests for him to let you go.

[AT THE END OF THE DAY]

“GOD! I told you to let go, damn.” You glare at him, and snatch your hand away from him, rubbing your red wrists. He almost looks apologetic when he grabs it again, but this time, his thumb gently swipes over the red spots. Your wrists is lifted up to his face and his eyes are assessing if there was any damage done.

The sun rays hit perfectly against his angled face, giving his skin a pretty glow, the shadows casted all at the right angles and positions, accentuating his beautiful features. You tear your eyes away from him and swallow hard, praying hard that the pulsing rate of your heart wouldn’t be detected as his fingers graze over your translucent skin, where the veins are pumping with life and vigour, like the waters plummeting down the Niagara Falls.

You feel his lips ghost over your skin and out of pure reflex, you jerk your hand and simply stare at him. “What are you doing?”  “Trying to kiss your ‘injured’ wrist?” He casually replies, an eyebrow raised, as if asking why are you so startled?

The audacity of him, seriously! To actually say that out, shamelessly! Playboy syndrome perhaps.

“You look extremely cute when you blush.” The heat only flames even stronger and your cheeks burn. “So, would you rather stay here in the stairway or would you go to the rooftop?” He asks, a hand extending out to you. You take it and continue climbing up the stairs, the colour in your cheeks not dissipating as you become hyper-aware of how Yanjun’s fingers graze the inside of your palm and move stealthily to intertwine with your fingers, as if like water, flowing through your palm. Only, unlike water, the fingers anchor themselves at your knuckles and hold on tight.

“Do you plan on telling me what you want to talk to me about, or are you going to just continue staring at me like I grew another head?” You mumble out. Yanjun laughs, a tinkling one.

“Wanna know why I missed that ball you spiked, when I definitely could have received it?” He begins. You roll your eyes at the ‘I definitely could have received it’ part. “Oh, so it wasn’t because you’re a trashy player?”

He leans in, pink lips so near, you didn’t think you would have the self control to keep your hands to yourself. “Ok, ok, I get it, sorry. Now tell me why.” You awkwardly move backwards and stutter out.

“Because, when you spike,

You look so damn hot.”

“What?” You attempt to wrench your hand out of his grasp, out of pure surprise and because you want to hide your burning face in your hands. Who the hell has so much courage to say that? Well apparently, Lin Yanjun-

His name is the last thought as your hand is flipped and Yanjun’s fingers are flowing through your fingers and are intertwined with yours, gripping hard as he presses your hand against the wall. The other hand lands itself on your side and he holds you gently, but firmly. Pink lips lean in but stop just an inch near your lips, ghosting over the trembling skin, as if contemplating.

Okay, that’s it.

You lean in and press your own lips against his. His lips are chapped but surprisingly soft. They are soon slick from your tongue swiping against his, an apology for the hurt spot that had just been in between your teeth. He kisses back with equal fervor, lips capturing and recapturing yours, each suck on the lips, a needier one than the previous. His right hand releases your hand to cup your jaw, tilting it upwards as he squeezes it a little, as if he can’t have enough of you. The other hand snakes behind your back and preses you forward, flushing your body against his. You take in a breath. He smells like fresh dew on freshly cut grass and wet earth, a hint of new flowers and blossoming spring.

His lips move down to your jaw and he traces it carefully with his finger, his lips trailing right after. The kisses flow down to your neck and you bite your lip as he presses teeth prints onto your the pale skin, lips brushing over the marred skin.

Your fingers weave their way through his silk-like hair, gripping at the roots and pushing him down, clearly not having enough of him. He moves back to attack your lips; and then, a light fleeting press of the lips against your forehead that leaves you light headed. He leans his head against yours as he catches your breath.

“You are exactly like what they say. I would rate a 9/10 for kissing.” You say once he pulls away from you. He laughs. “Is that all you have to say?”

“What else do I say? Will you go out with me?” You had mindlessly said it, but as soon as the words are out of your mouth, you regret it immediately. The crease reappears on his forehead, the refreshed and youthful look disappears. “You mean, you weren’t planning on accepting my request for a date?”

You choose your words carefully, but in the end, they flow out relentless, like water bursting out from a dam. “I mean, how do I know if you’re serious about me? And come on, just a couple of days ago you hated me-”

“And you hated me too. I….” he scratches his head and huffs. “I never hated you. You… you didn’t whine for me, like all those other girls did. You didn’t suck up to me. You...were intriguing and enchanting. I…..I had a crush on you for the longest time.” You stare at him. Residential playboy has a crush on you? Impossible.

“Do you remember when you were 10? You lived in that log house temporarily, for a holiday I think. I...live in that village, and lived in the village. I was the boy who helped your aunt. But after that, you barely spared me a glance.”

“Remember when you were 12? I was that boy at the stream but after that, you… you left and never came back.” He whispers the end, the hand that had still be on your side, squeezes your hips slightly with trembling fingers, as if he was scared you would be gone again.

“But still, everyday, sneaking peeks at you from my window when you went with your aunt to the market, and seeing you wrestle the boys instead of playing with dolls, made me love you even more…” He chuckled. “You were...different. Everyone else was predictable, flowing all in the same direction. But you always went against the tide.”

“I couldn’t believe my luck, when I saw you walking through the gates on the first day of school.”

You stare at him, and searching for words, you could only say, “Lin Yanjun, you really are a hopeless romantic.”

He laughs, warm, safe and home. “Is that really all you can say?” And you chuckle back, warmth surrounding you, peace and serenity filling your entire being.

As you lean against Yanjun, you vaguely remembering doing the same thing for a little cute boy with dimples, behind the log house, at the edge of a forest stream, where the glistening water had flowed amongst the dark green trees.

—水

[BEFORE]

As a little child, you loved going to your aunt’s house. She was those few city people who grew to dislike the hustle amongst the tall buildings, and had decided to move outwards and into nature.

She created the log house herself and it was the most beautiful thing you have seen, with pretty wild flowers and vines running up the edges of the door frame, a comfortable fire in the living room and a warm bunk for you to sleep in. You loved the peace and quiet; you loved going to the village just down the narrow path, to listen to the old folks tell you acient legends and secrets.

When you were 10 or so, she had asked you to help her bring some pots up to roof. While she was bringing them in from the village to the house, a small boy, who had been bouncing a ball had come up to her and asked if she needed help, so she passed some pots to him and that’s how she brought the boy to you.

As you held the pots and glass bottles and climbed up to the roof, the boy didn’t speak a word, his eyes only following yours. It’s fine. You like the silence.

You get to the to the rooftop and pull out the dirty old cloth off the roof floor. Unbeknownst to you, when you did that, the glass pots and bottles had slipped from your hand.

The coloured glass shards fly and some fall onto the newly uncovered skylight with a clank. The boy raises his eyebrows and then furrows them together. Eyes avoiding his, you stoop down to pick up the glass shards when a hand grabs yours, stopping you from picking them up.

Head tilted up, you give him a questioning look. And for the first time his lips unseal. “Look.” He says, pointing at the house below.

The glass shards have caught some of the setting sun’s rays and were shedding red, orange, green shadows on the wooden floor.

Without another word, you take a glass bottle from the boy’s hands and break it, as he moves to arrange the broken glass pieces to cover the skylight.

You meet the boy again, when you were 12 and had gone to pick some berries with your aunt. You had wandered to the stream and were marvelling at the small but blossoming life under the crystal surface. He wasn’t too far away, standing in the middle of gushing waters and rocks, trying to catch a fish.

You sensed his presence and your eyes automatically moved from the glittery scales of the fishes to his lean figure. You find that his eyes are already on you.

“Want one?” he blurts out, pointing at the basket on the other side of the bank. “.....You give me one fish for 5 berries?” You reply. He shrugs and waddles towards you, carefully guiding you through the waters and pulling you to the other side.

Your aunt had found the two of you at the stream, talking and laughing, and had decided to leave the two of you there. She left you a lamp and a phone, before trudging back to the log house, a smile on her lips.

“There’s the constellation, Crux. I think it might just be the smallest constellation, but it’s one of the brightest.” He lies down next to you on the grass, and breathes in, enjoying the smell of wet earth.

“And?” You ask him, turning to face him, an elbow propping you up.

“And, that’s exactly like you. I’ve seen you wrestle with the boys in the village. You’re small but fast and quick. And bright, like the constellation.” His irises, almost black from the lack of light, still shine brightly in the darkness, reflecting the fleeting moonlight. It looked just like the stream’s gushing water, glittering from the reflections of the same moonlight.

And you think, he is one, the Crux, the brightest of them all.

“You’re really pretty, you know.” He almost says it idly.

Him. Is the last thought you have as he presses his lips against yours, breathing in your scent of fresh flowers, and you taking in the scent of wet earth that clings to his clothes.

That’s the last he sees of you, because the next day, you had gone back to the city. You had then moved from Taiwan to Beijing for your education. And you never saw him again.

That is of course, until now.

series

Cr. idea of broken glass shards to pg 205, 206 of “counting by 7s” by Holly Goldberg Sioan

“there’s the constellation…” line to weightless, written by johnsonzzzyc

[imperialsea-a]

LAYER ONE: THE OUTSIDE.

name: Elizabeth Eva Alexandria (Fujioka-) Cross

eye color: Emerald Green

hair style/color: Too long-- reaching to her thighs when left loose. Straight and sunlit/golden blonde, always combed through carefully and neatly. No bangs, they just annoy her, so they’re kept long and swept to the right side of her face.

height: 5′7″

clothing style: richer than you. Very fancy and feminine. Usually keeps things lighter in color and elegant in style. Nothing overly exposing, but is inclined to show off her shoulders if the weather allows, though she’s likely got a shawl or something else to go over them in case she gets cold.

best physical feature: her face?? idk beth’s really pretty.

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE.

fears: Being controlled / unable to make her own decisions. Failure. Would not be a fan of losing her loved ones but knows it’s a fairly high possibility given their positions. Really does not like wasps.

guilty pleasure: Sweets. She ate less of them before arriving at the academy.

biggest pet peeve: She’s got a list that deserves a post of its own :\

ambitions for the future: To keep doing what she’s doing as a hunter, protecting the people, keeping order & peace, etc. She’d like it if one day if her profession would no longer be a necessary one; people do enough crap to each other, no one really needs to have deranged vampires tearing people to shreds in the background? but that simply won’t happen without reckless Purebloods being reigned in, so she’ll do her job without much complaint. If she could, she’d love to be a music teacher or something else in the performing arts world.

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS.

first thoughts upon waking up: When she’s married, she usually just rolls over to see if Takashi is there or not tbh. Otherwise Beth’s mentally going over her day plans as she’s getting ready.

what you think about most: Planning her day, and the next day, so on, so forth. She keeps things orderly.

what you think about before bed: Relieved to be comfortable in bed, probably with some more planning going on sjhffjdhh.

what your best quality is: I think, even when she’s 1000 years old and has lost so many people she’s loved in that time, she still has the ability to care about things? She doesn’t fall into that ‘jaded, bored, ‘woe is me’ immortal’ trope, she genuinely still tries to do what she feels is the right thing and she loves her children and life so much. If we’re talking young Beth, I’d say her best quality is-- euh. ._.  Maybe...her....dedication? =-= Maybe that’s what makes her so relaxed as an adult too. Haven’t thought about it before.

WHAT’S BETTER?

single or group dates: single!??! though i can gentle tides & sunny sweets going to some event or another, and people mistaking siblings dating another set of siblings. 

to be loved or respected: Respected tbh. She has love from the people she loves and that’s all she needs in regard to that.

beauty or brains: taka 8I

dogs or cats: CAAAAAAATS

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU…

lie: Yes. Kind of has to lie. She can’t just tell people ‘Hi, I’m probably going to outlive you bc of some weird vamp genes my family has under less than savory circumstances and also I kill vampires for a living so you’re less likely to be murdered by one sometime.’

believe in yourself: Yes, but she does have moments of self-doubt. It mostly hits her when she’s younger; by the time she’s matured, Elizabeth has got a good grip on her place in the world.

believe in love: YAYAYYAYAA???

want someone: she’s married, man

LAYER SIX: EVER BEEN…

been on stage: Yes; she’s worked on numerous productions while in school.

done drugs: HECK NO she just takes her prescription meds for depression in the morning.

changed who you were to fit in: Yeah, though I guess she hid things more than changed them? She tends to stick around hunters, but she did have some average human friends in middle school, and as a result, had to hide a lot of things from them.

LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES.

favorite color: Pastels all the way.

favorite animal: CAAAAATS

favorite movie: hggnghghgh-- Probably The Last Unicorn, I swear this is not me being biased with how much I love the film myself. The music catches her attention, and the ending is one of her favorite things about it. It’s a little bittersweet at the end, but she’s found that scene to be very relateable. It’s not the same situation, clearly, but she’s  loved people she knows she’ll outlive as a result of who and what she is, and she feels that regret, but she loves them and the time spent with them nonetheless. i lowkey can write an essay to better articulate this but i wont--

favorite game: She’s a fan of video games, though it wouldn’t seem like it at first glance. She’s played a few violent ones, but she prefers to play rhythm games, or games that are fast-paced.

LAYER EIGHT: AGE.

day your next birthday will be: 18th of October

how old will you be: entirely verse dependent, yo. she could be 18, or could be friends with ur muse’s great great great grandchildren

age you lost your virginity: i don’t really want to answer this one, nothing bad happened, i don’t want to share it is all??

does age matter: Yes, of course it does??? D:

LAYER NINE: IN A PERSON.

best personality: Kind & trustworthy, honest, level-headed, and hard-working. Takes things seriously, but still can still make her smile.

best eye color: im gonna level with u, this entire section is just about taka

best hair color: taka again

best thing to do with a partner: She wants to do everything on earth with him. She wants to travel the world, to simply waking up in the morning with him at home and making breakfast and coffee/tea for themselves + the kids, im going to b emotional fjdkfjdlkfd they deserve this so much

LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE.

i love: living my life

i feel: fine

i hide: parts of myself sometimes

i miss: the people i can’t be with anymore

i wish: we wouldn’t have to fight

[thewolvenangel]

Random question: where do you consider yourself, politically? I'm not sure where I'm at but the stuff you and some other ppl I follow is really eye opening - like seeing discussion/critique of antifa action basically doesn't exist in my current circles. I've always felt a little iffy about the "extreme left" but any time I try to talk to my friends about it they just double down or get defensive so... anyways! Dig ur blog a lot. x3

No problem on random questions, I definitely dig them! You got any questions about me or for me feel free to ask, I am always happy to answer and discuss! :D 

Sadly, in my experience, I find that Tumblr is one of the WORST places to discuss things at all... and not just in the political sense. In many cases that I have seen and experienced is that there are no proper discussions, rather just a childish sense of: “I’m right, you’re wrong, that’s the end of it.” 

To Tumblr rhetoric is an afterthought or just completely dead; and the notion of being wrong on something (an idea, thought, opinion, etc) is considered to be sacrilegious to their very identity and being. Vis a vis, personal responsibility and the chance to grow and learn is severely damaged by this mindset. 

Communication and the open and respectable passing around of ideas and thoughts are crucial for the advancement of society and the betterment of man as a whole. 

But I digress. 

Where I stand politically is difficult to answer... Because if you ask my leftist friends they would tell you I am more right. You ask my right friends and they would tell you I am more left than them. So I suppose that makes me a centrist? 

But honestly, I avoid applying such labels to myself as I feel it “boxes” me in. If I were to say I am right-wing then that applies that I must follow every single thought and opinion of the right (let's say as an example their opinion of governing morality and freedom/property rights I do not necessarily agree with) and I don’t. Same as if I were to claim that I was leftist I don’t agree with everything they go for. (Such as anti-gun laws and abortion.) 

My line of thought is education, investigation and concluding my own thoughts and opinions from gathering information from both sides. If one side has something or is vying for something I deem morally or economically right then I agree with them. If one side is doing or saying/spreading stupid shit I call them out on it and disagree. Long story short: I just don’t take sides. 

And yes there are gray areas to both sides, and having a sort of “wishy-washy attitude” many would say is imprudent and even hindering. But I don’t feel I am back and forth because I hold steady to my opinions and I have firm ones at that. I am just willing to look and consider it from all angles, is all. And importantly, consider if I am wrong. 

I will be the first to say as well that I am not as knowledgeable as I should be in certain areas, and I - like any other person - can be and have been wrong before! But I am willing to learn, I am willing to see another side, and I am willing to the research necessary to have a cohesive and factual sense of the situation. 

With that said my opinion on Antifa is that I find them hypocritical, ignorant and self-entitled at the very LEAST. I find them and the movement entirely abhorrent. Antifa has shown time and again that they have become the very thing they claim to be fighting against. At their core, they are vying for a totalitarian regime in which there are no open discussions and that violence is acceptable against those who do not fit their line of thinking and do not follow what they deem is “correct”. (Fascism is loosely defined as “ Fascism is a form of government which is a type of one-party dictatorship. Fascists are against democracy. They work for a totalitarian one-party state.” Which all I have to say to that is: If the boot fits.)

The very worst part is they do it under the guise of having the “moral high-ground.” And while on that high-ground they do not care who they harm along the way, whose lives they destroy, and what other moral injustices they commit to obtaining what they want. Their stance on free speech is disgusting and is ideal for their totalitarian line of thinking and governing; silencing anyone who may oppose them with at the least labeling one as a “nazi” or worst resulting in physical violence or destroying livelihoods. They do not care even if one of their own has been harmed in the chaos, deeming it “par for the course” and a “small sacrifice for the greater enemy.” 

I find them as abhorrent as I would an ACTUAL white supremacist/nazi. To me, there is no difference between the two; as both are hateful, ignorant, violent, and unwilling to change or compromise and will brainwash and destroy and put down anyone and do whatever it takes to fulfill their goals and regime. 

And you wanna know the saddest part? Antifa in the last couple of years has caused MORE damage and violence than the KKK / Neo Nazis have in the last several. You wanna know why? Because every sensible and average Joe agrees that these groups are bad and DESPICABLE. These groups are the MINORITY population, and we as humans are more than willing to agree that these racist and extreme thoughts are abhorrent. And it when it comes to action we are willing to stand against it, when and if it were to occur. 

But Antifa? They use their so called moral high-ground and justice to their advantage BECAUSE majority of the population knows Nazis are disgusting. So they cut the cloth as if you are not with them, you are against them, and thus you HAVE to be a Nazi supporter by default. They use fear mongering and manipulation to paint themselves and their movement in this sparkling glitter-toned light when in actuality they are just as terrible as the people and groups they claim to oppose.

That's the basic of it, I don’t really have time right now to sit down and share more. But I want to say I am proud of you for branching out and looking for more view points, and I hope that I was able to help in some way!If you’d like more blogs to follow and look through, or more people to discuss with I would recommend my partner @earthmindheartsky who is even more politically inclined than I am. 

And I couldn’t recommend @kasaron enough as he is not only a level headed and kind man, but he is very intelligent and knowledgeable and always open for discussions! Not to mention he is a big fuckin nerd who likes/does DnD, who also does wicked cool mech and computer stuff AND sometimes even art! He also reblogs many cute kitties; seriously, half of my cat pictures come from him! He is a real cool guy, even if not for discussion I’d suggest following him anyway!

Thanks so much for the question again, and I am glad you enjoy my blog! Honestly, I just sort of fuck around on here and reblog whatever, and I do my best to keep some politics off of it because it's not something I really discuss unless asked about it. But the way things have been going the past couple of years... It's hard not to. And I feel more and more like I have an obligation to spread more information as I find it, and you are a shining example that it was indeed the right thing to do! I hope you have a stellar day, and if you happen to have any more questions or want to keep the convo going feel free!