#but saturday isn't that far and nothing won't be unfixable between then and now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

slippery-minghus · 9 months ago

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that kinda sorta gray area where you're like. hmm. i'm probably not actually at risk of relapsing on my eating disorder. but restricting my eating is feeling really good right now.

this is not something my current therapist (of over 4yrs) and i have really even ever discussed because of how long ago it's been since i got over my ed but. should i fuckin reach out to my therapist about this? like sooner rather than later? should i mention it in session on saturday? do i want help??? do i need help????????

#tw disordered eating #i didn't have dinner last night aside from a few (undeserved) nibbles #and i had a thing of french fries for lunch #(god. which is such an ana meal lmao)#that's all i've had today #i'm heating up a few taquitos (was going to have cereal but that would have been Instant Gratification) and then i'll have dinner later but #it feels good to actually be feeling this hungry?? in the worst way???#and the feeling REALLY makes me want to chase it #like literally was thinking on the way home how i'd cover for no longer eating lunch at work #i rationally don't want to let this go on but also irrationally want to hold so tight to this feeling #because it's making me Feel Something(TM) and i feel bery aware of my body but also masterful of it #it's probably no wonder with the work i'm doing lately on trying to be more present and embodied #because this is a bootleg broken cheat way to feel like i'm doing that but actually not #sigh. it's wednesday. i'm not going to go crying to my therapist for Help! Help! Help!! right now #i try to solve my problems on my own first thank you #but saturday isn't that far and nothing won't be unfixable between then and now #even if i. don't eat much til then #personal

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