#but only moisturiser doesn't help and i've tried a lot of moisturisers

[falklore]

i don’t apply make up one time during winter and i immediately get dry spots

[softroaches]

Hi.

My name is rose and to be blunt, I am a walking pigsty. I hate my hair, I hate my skin, I hate my face, I hate my clothes, I hate my bedroom, I literally hate everything about myself. I'm sick of feeling so bad all of the time, so I've decided to make a change. Problem is, I've tried to change SO MANY TIMES before and either given up, or completely forgotten about it. This time, I'm going to make monthly progress videos in the hope that if I can see progress, I will be more motivated. I'm also splitting it up into categories rather than just a generic "be better", because more specific goals are more achievable or something.

The first one is hair. My hair is a complete mystery to me, k sometimes it's a poofy mess, sometimes it looks pretty ok and then I wake up the next day and it's ugly again. My scalp has also been really itchy recently, and I haven't got a clue why. I currently use Asda anti dandruff shampoo (I don't have dandruff but it helps with the itching) and Shea moisture conditioner, and I wash my hair every other day. I do use scalding hot water which isn't good for my hair or skin, so I definitely need to work on that. My dream hair would be something like cher from clueless or chuu from loona, and I want to grow it longer. I also need to figure out what hairstyles fit my face, because usually I just leave it how it is and I hate it.

The second category is skin. In theory, I have a skincare routine but in practice I only do it every other day and end up rinsing my face and rubbing on moisturiser most days. As a result, my skin is really congested and also itchy? It sucks. On my body, I have eczema, and it's really itchy and horrible. It looks orange and just odd? All I use on that is the shower gel and moisturiser prescribed by the doctor. My parents offered to take me to a dermatologist once because it was so bad, but that sounds expensive and I do think it'll go away by itself at some point.

Category three is health. Health has never been something that's super important to me, and I end up spending all my money on crisps and chocolate bars. I'm a vegetarian, but I am also quite picky so I end up surviving on tomato soup and quorn pies. I am also basically allergic to exercise, and I wish I didn't always get out of breath when I run. I know that most of my hair and skin issues would be hugely helped if I was healthy, so I really need to fix my diet and stuff. I also carry a lot of fat in my face, and I really wish I didn't have a double chin.

Environment and organisation is my fourth category, because my room is a rubbish tip, which I decorated when I was six so some of the design choices are... interesting. All my stuff seems to get stained or dirty, and my schoolbooks are all over the floor. I want to get new school supplies, and keep them nice, and I am also swapping rooms with my sister and redecorating it at some point over the next year. Here is kinda what I want it to look like.

Makeup is next, I'm pretty terrible at makeup. Anything that looks good in my bedroom mirror ends up looking messy or just strange when I look in the mirror at school, and I have to try my best to clean it up. I really want to learn how to do makeup that is flattering and not too obvious.

The sixth category is clothes. My wardrobe is basically just whatever is wearable from primark at the moment, and I live in leggings and t shirts. I'm not working with much of a budget here, but I'll put some pictures of clothes I really like. I also want to find my style, and not be so terrified of wearing anything that isn't jeans.

The last category is hygiene. This is super embarrassing but I don't always brush my teeth when I should, I usually can't be bothered to epilate my legs and sometimes I forget deodorant. I'm also super paranoid that I secretly have really bad breath and I don't know about it. This is kinda obvious but my goal for this is just to be clean.

I hope this doesn't come off as vain or something... actually, I don't care. It's too embarrassing to post anywhere right now, maybe I will when I'm 18 and I think this is really cringey and funny, but for now it isn't gonna happen. Anyway, I don't have anything else to add so see you December 31st.

(written December 17 2020)