#but now I've fallen so far behind on my thesis that I just get too overwhelmed whenever I even think about it
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potato-elf · 1 year ago
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#we won't offer you anymore therapy unless we test you for autism/personality disorders#personal#vent post#I think I've fucked up#I don't think I'll be able to finish writing my thesis this year (again)#I've been having such A Time(TM) mental health-wise this year#relationship of 5 years ended#finally admitted to myself I was pretty fucking depressed#tried to get back into therapy for it#but got hit with the#fell for one of my best friends and have a complicated (non-exclusive) relationship with him even when he told me he's not in love with me#which I don't want to stop but also recognize probably isn't healthy for me in the long run#my psychiatrist accidentally ghosted me for a while while I ran out of both antidepressants and adhd meds#I've been picking up my social life again while also trying and often failing at keeping my living space clean and tidy#because my ex used to have that under control way better than I ever did and took much of that on him#but now I've fallen so far behind on my thesis that I just get too overwhelmed whenever I even think about it#I'm over a month behind by now#and I have less than a month left before I need to hand in my first version#my adhd has not been managed in the slightest lately either#I'm just stuck in a perpetual state of either paralysis or avoidance#and I'm not sure how to cope with this stuff#I've been studying for 6 years by now#this is the second time I've tried to write my thesis#this time around with no other courses to follow beside it#and I still can't do it#I'm starting to feel so fucking miserable about this stuff#I wish I had a fucking functional brain for once in my life#not even the adhd meds help me most days and I feel like my antidepressants might not work as well as they should anymore#but I'm so done with changing up my meds all the time as well. they've often been disastrous for me and I'm afraid of changing them again#I don't know what I want in life either
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