#but not for six dunks…“I was prepared for four. To tell the truth

[bullet-prooflove]

Chicago PD Fic: Million Reasons - Chapter Twenty Six

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Antonio Dawson x OC

Summary: Life had given Antonio Dawson a million reasons to walk away from love but she gave him a really good one to stay.

Previous Chapters: Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight, Chapter Nine, Chapter Ten, Chapter Eleven, Chapter Twelve,Chapter Thirteen, Chapter Fourteen, Chapter Fifteen,Chapter Sixteen, Chapter Seventeen, Chapter Eighteen, Chapter Nineteen,Chapter Twenty, Chapter Twenty One, Chapter Twenty Two, Chapter Twenty Three, Chapter Twenty Four, Chapter Twenty Five, 

The squad car smelled like fries despite the fact that both Maggie and Kim had rolled down the windows to vent the powerful smell of fast food. It smelt delicious now but it would be a nightmare in a couple of hours' time. Kim was sitting in the driver's seat, her seat belt undone, her back to the driver's side door, her body angled towards Maggie as she set her plastic container of diet coke upon the steering column. Her brown take out bag was resting on her lap, the bottom pockmarked with grease from her burger and fries.

Maggie had tipped her fries into the bottom of her own take out bag, removing them one at a time before dunking them into the open ketchup pot she'd placed upon the dashboard. They ate in a companionable silence before Kim slurped through her straw and cleared her throat.

"Am I your first female partner?" She asked suddenly, her dark eyebrows arching as she asked her question. Maggie shook her head, waiting a couple of moments to chew her food before speaking.

"Nope." she responded before selecting another French fry and popping the crisp fluffy treat into her mouth. It took a second for her to process what would have led Kim to ask that question, she wondered if she acted differently to Kim's other partners. Was her behaviour odd?

Sometimes Kim had to explain a few things to her with regards to the forms and processes but she was a good cop, at least she thought she was. Kim caught sight of her worried expression before shaking her head.

"No!" she said, holding her finger up to curb Maggie's trail of thought. "I just meant that you're my first female partner."

"Oh." Maggie said, nodding her acknowledgement before returning her attention to her French fries.

"I just mean all my partners have been male." Kim explained before counting them off in her hand. "I've had Atwater, The Sleeper, The Christian and then Roman."

"Then me." Maggie added, a small smile crossing her lips.

"Yea." Kim said returning Maggie's grin. "Then you."

The truth was Kim had never had a partner quite like Maggie. The other woman was a keen and conscious person who resolved their differences with compromise and care. The two of them had worked well together during the past month and she liked spending time with the sassy brunette, she had the right amount of snark and humour to get through the job and still make it entertaining. There were lapses, what Maggie had in undercover experience, she lacked in terms of knowledge when it came to community policing but she was learning and Kim thought she was a good teacher. The two of them had a lot of fun together and she knew that the other woman had her back in a pinch.

Adam hadn't been wrong when he'd told her about Maggie's skill set, she had a keen sense of perception. Her eyes were always taking in her surroundings, her body language reminding anyone in the vicinity that she was always prepared.

"Tell me about your last female partner." Kim said with an eager grin, unwrapping her burger from the grease proof paper. "Was she cool and badass?"

Maggie covered her mouth with her hand as she shook her head so that Kim couldn't see her talking with food in her mouth. She got that Kim was interested in life as a detective, the pretty patrol cop should have aspirations. She thought with the right opportunities that Burgess would go places. Her fellow patrolman always seemed to see the good in people and it was an admirable quality, however people would take advantage of that if she gave them the chance. Burgess deserved a lot better than that.

"God no, she was a pain in the ass." Maggie revealed, dropping the ketchup pot into her empty bag and screwing it up into a ball. "She was alarmingly competitive."

"Like grabbing the credit for the collar competitive?" Kim asked with interest, using her forefinger to wipe a stray droplet of ketchup from the corner of her mouth.

"Among other things." Maggie said evasively, placing the takeout bag on top of the dashboard and altering her trajectory so that she was facing Kim. "The worst part was I didn't even realise we were in competition."

Kim's expression changed to one of severe disapproval, her eyebrows furrowing into a frown as she reached for her napkin and swiped at her lips.

"It shouldn't be like that. It should be about working the best way you can to help the community." Kim said finally before taking an aggressive bite of her burger.

"That's the way I think too, sometimes it is all about ego though. You get it a lot when you're a detective, sometimes the guys don't like you and the girls want to outrank you." Maggie informed the other woman, tucking her leg underneath her as her back came to rest against the car door. "It's hard not to get caught up in that mentality if you don't have a good team behind you."

"Was that in Narcotics or Vice?" Kim asked, reaching for her takeout cup and sipping through the straw.

"Narcotics was all about who got the biggest street value." Maggie told her simply. "In Vice, it took a while for them to see me as someone who played a really good hooker. When they realised I had a degree in accounting, it turned out they could utilize me as more than just a hooker. That's how I ended up with Antonio. He had the connections to introduce me to a few dealers who needed their money laundered and from there a partnership was born."

"Oh yea it was." Kim teased, her spine straightening as she crushed her own paper bag between her hands. "You seem a lot happier lately, you come into work smiling."

Maggie laughed, before ducking her head to hide the pink flush that crept across her pale cheeks. It had only been a couple of weeks since the two of them had become a couple but Maggie was happier than she had been in years. There was something so freeing about being with Antonio. There was a lot of laughter in her life these days and a lot more passion. Damn that man was insatiable. He'd been right when he had told her once would never be enough for the two of them and he had proved it to her in a phenomenal amount of ways since they had crossed that boundary.

"I'm glad you're happy." Kim told her friend before holding out her fist. "And I'm glad you're my partner."

Maggie bumped her knuckles against Burgess's with a smirk as she spoke.

"I'm glad too."

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[pyrim]

Catchword: #rockbottom

Sooo, this guy I talked about before, the one I thought I’d share a deep connection with. He broke up with me. From one day to another. It’s been almost 3 weeks by now.  

Remember when I said I was afraid of never getting over him cause I suck at letting go?

Well, here I am wondering about and questioning everything he said and did. His mistakes, my mistakes. If anything was true or real.

I haven’t come to a conclusion yet and honestly I don’t think I ever will. He often lied with little things and now I don’t know when he did say the truth.

I’m at rock bottom. On four out of the past six evenings I was drunk. Alone in my room. The two other days I couldn’t get drunk because there were family or friends around.

And I drunk-dialed him. Pathetic, isn’t it? But the first time was rather great. We phoned for one and a half hour. He was sweet and nice, saying that he’d still miss me sometimes. And that I didn’t have to be ashamed for calling or being drunk. And that he wouldn’t tell anyone. And that he wouldnt use anything from tonight against me.

Well we did not only talk about stuff like that. We just talked and gossiped like we would before. We laughed. He said he’d even have fun.

The next night I couldn’t help but getting drunk again and calling him. When I called at first he didn’t pick up and then he actually called me back. Something I never would have expected. We only talked for half an hour because he said he was tired and going to sleep. But it was kinda great too. I apologized for calling and for probably drinking and calling again on the day after. And he said it was okay, and that if i wanted to or felt like calling him I should just go ahead.

And then there were this two nights I wasn’t alone, so didn’t call or get drunk. And then his best friend, who his a very good friend of mine too (I actually met her before I met him, she had already been there for me with this breakup), reached out and asked why the hell I would call him drunk and leave him stupid voicemails. It’s not like she wouldn’t get it. She does. She’s been there, and I was the one hiding her phone.

So first of all he did tell someone. And because this friend, coming rightaway from heaven, was the only one always telling me the truth - no matter how much it woud hurt - she told me that he lied about some stuff he said and that he would feel cool, because his ex is calling him saying how great he is, that she would miss and love him. Because his ex was running after him.

And well he’s right. I am running after him.

I was furious, but mostly I just felt stupid.

Incredibly stupid and naive, because I believed him all the nice things he said.

So, I decided - more or less (definitely less) rational - to get drunk again and to call him. But this time I would prepare me. Writing down what I wanted to say. And this time it wouldn’t be that I would miss him, but rather that he should stop to fucking lie to me. Stuff like this.

And then I got dunk. But I didn’t feel drunk enough so I emptied my alcohol supplies in my room. And then I called him. And then I started with that this really was the last time I would call and that he please shouldn’t interrupt me. I probably wouldn’t wanna hear the answer anyway, because I was so tired of his lies. And then of course he would interrupt me asking why I was calling then. I just wanted to go on and then he said:

‘I didn’t break up with you, so you call me every two days’

And I don’t even know why, but this sentence hurt me more than everything else, that has happened.

And I stumbled a little saying that I just wanted to say something and if he had listened what I just said about not interrupting. So he said really bitchy: ‘Then go on’. But I just couldn’t. I said: ‘Just forget about it’ and hung up.

So now, I’m sitting here - with a piece of paper filled with stuff I wanted to say, I wanted to smash into his face - feeling even more stupid.

‘Nothing haunts us like the things we dont say’