#but my first idea wasn't to make a photoset like this one

[sorryiliketoscreenshot]

「 Markus 」 ⋮ 「 North 」

[doberbutts]

Something really funny to me when people get mad that I track my name tag is like.

(Again I've never interacted with the first OP so idk why she specifically is so insistent on blatantly making shit up about me when I've never done or said the shit she accuses me of)

But like. The post under it? The one that I am clearly tagged in? The one of someone starting a conversation with me about a show I started watching and then that OP started watching due to seeing me talk about it? Yeah that's not in my notes or my mentions on my activity page. It's just straight up not there.

Several years ago I realized I wasn't seeing all of my mentions and so I started tracking my url just in case someone was trying to talk to me and it wasn't appearing in my activity page. I found several pages' worth of people asking me questions, sending me photos and fanart of the dogs, trying to get my attention due to a doberman thing, etc that NEVER made it to my mentions. I have tracked my name ever since.

Anyway I just thought it was really funny because like. Yes, I do certainly see who says my name on this webbed site and the reason for it is in fact right below your exact post: sometimes when people tag me the notification for it straight up disappears and I would never see the tag if I don't keep an eye on it in the search. Consider not posting incessantly about me and then I won't see you talking about me in the worst faith possible. I don't really want to live rent-free in your head and I don't really understand your beef with me tbh. Why is it a greater sin to keep an eye on when my name gets dropped than to be constantly talking smack about someone who has no idea who you are?

Oh just for funsies but I've also noticed the same problem in reverse. That photoset of the dobe mix puppy playing with OP's resident dog? Not in my name tag again despite blatantly having tagged me in that post. That one was in my notifications. So apparently not only do some tags only show up by searching, but also some tags only show up by notification. AND THEN a third and final problem: there's some posts that don't mention me at all in my name tag as well??? Tumblr go home you're drunk

[pinkyjulien]

🟨 Then n' Now - High Voltage edition ⚡

Yoinking @arcandoria's idea and making one of those before/after post focused on the babies💛 motivated by AND motivating @elvenbeard to do the same 😌🤏

This will be both a VP and Modding journey 👉

▶ December 2020

━ "No mods, we die VP like men!"

AKA open up PhotoMode and get as close as you can to your fav, playing with angles while getting the camera stucks in the surrounding 80% of the time and trying to make the characters look at each others in a "natural" way 👀

▶ early 2021

━ "I learned how to app swap and I cannot be stopped"

I got into modding because/thanks to Mitch 🤠 and the first thing I did was to .app swap him into all of the romance scenes 😩🤏 My BIG MODDER GOAL back then was to have Him and Valentin in the panzer scene, meaning I needed to find a way to:

Swap Valentin into Panam's place

Swap Mitch into V/Player's place

Unlock the camera / have a true free-roam experience

and also remove all of the HUD and green filter

I was just a tiny dude with Big Dreams 👀

▶ first half 2021

━ "I can change clothes now! AKA OOC-fest"

Ugh. JHGFHJGHFJ

Looking back at some of the stuff I did before legit gives me so much icks now 💀 the joy and freedom of being a simp with fresh modding power, you just Do Stuff because You Can! Who cares if the character turns extremly OOC, right? keeping them for the memories 🤭

▶ first half 2021

━ "ReShade? What's a ReShade"

My first month of playing around with Reshade! Everything was way too saturated, too bright or too dark- but it was new and exciting! Experimenting with more swapping, more photomode-posing 🤏

▶ July 2021

━ "the Modding High"

Camera unlocks, Player Replacer, FixSwaps, Bi River trick, Blur Remover, Facial expressions for V, Swap to Everyone... my peak as a modder still to this day ngl

I achieved all I ever wanted, did the mods I needed to be able to smooch Mitch and have my canon panzer scene 🧡 (cannot showcase it here on Tumblr for hornyjail reason)

The "bi river" trick was involving CyberCat, an old save editor software that allowed you to swap V presets! You had to launch the romance scene with River as a fem V, then save at the start of it using the "Save Anytime" mod, edit your save file by swapping in your Male V preset, and Voila~ you had a Masc V in the River scene :D

▶ August 2021

━ "Custom poses Fever"

...and the first true love kisses!

Searching and modding your first poses swaps, then spawning the blorbos in game, timing the expressions and animation correctly and... having them "kiss for real" for the first time 🥺😩 ouugghh IT HITS! It hits so good!

From there, the rest of 2021 was focused on playing around with custom poses and exploring my own canon; giving new canon-compliant appearances to Mitch and Valentin, doing VP comics... also exploring some AUs and doing special occasion outfits, like Halloween!

▶ 2022

━ "I can create my own story"

I focused a lot on my own canon in 2022, via comics and photoset exploring what happens to both Mitch and Valentin's respective past and shared future together

Modding was also a big part of the year! There wasn't any big breakthrough other than the scenerid extract for custom poses, which allowed me to finally use the amazing tender animations from the Judy scene in my boys tent 🤭

▶ 2023

━ "Still here"

There will always be new exciting way of exploring and creating content for my babes- the knowledge of custom made poses allowing us for even more angst, tenderness, passion!

and I'm looking forward to it all 🥺🧡

Those years's been a whole creative journey~ and it's thanks to those two, my blorbos, my beloved stinkies, that I'm the modder and photographer that I am now!

Who knows where they'll take me next 💛😊

[kintatsujo]

Personally I feel that (and my followers will know I made a comment to this effect earlier today) if the romanticized version of something can't include one's own body type, it's not much of a romance, and this post was as much about that idea as it was anything

I think cottagecore itself comes less from, like, what farming is like, and more from a novel cover idea of what farming is like, most specifically from those painterly covers for Louisa May Alcott books. And I understand wanting to live in those idyllic book covers, they're absolutely beautiful.

But I look at cottagecore as it exists and I think "where's all the women I grew up with?" Because you're right, those big buff women are perfectly feminine, and yet when I see cottagecore photosets and collections it feels like there's no acknowledgement of them, even though many of the women I grew up under the wings of were physically big and powerful people.

(There's some photoshoots I've seen, meanwhile, where the model looked like I could snap the poor thing's pretty little arm in half if I wasn't careful enough. Literally, someone get her some protein.)

Like part of it is, to me, "delicate" and "clean" aren't inherently feminine. My idea of femininity includes being a physical powerhouse, even when it's not obvious (the irony of this post is that my dad used to call me Mighty Mouse.)

plus dirt makes a pretty pair of coveralls feel complete, like what was the point to embroidering flowers into that denim if you weren't then going to wear the damn thing

I guess what I'm trying to drive at is that the idea that physical power and a solid build is somehow anything less than sexy and desirable in a woman is more of an upper class idea in the first place.

it's not just monoculture, it's effectively the ruling class attempting to impose ideas on everybody else (which is of course, nothing new)

Cottagecore as it is often presented therefore feels like gentrification somehow. I love the pretty colors! I love the appreciation of things like canning and handmade woodwork! But I don't much see the solid and powerful (and often fat) women I expect, and I don't see the dirt, and I guess I just find it a bit ridiculous when I don't.

Anyway I do feel that you got my point, you just inspired me to elaborate a bit.

Also yeah. Liberate gender. 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

every so often I get reminded of cottagecore and all the little waifish girls in pretty dresses and laugh because my mental image of a farmwife is a big fat woman who can lift hay bales and wrestle sheep and probably also her husband thinks that's fucking hot and that she looks great in coveralls, which she does

when I talk about the white idea of delicate femininity being classist besides just racist this is what I'm talking about btw

[gatheringfiki]

The following ficlet was written by @patchworkideas based on this photoset.

Fili/Kili, Gen.

You might also be able to read this story on AO3.

If you’ve enjoyed this story, please leave a comment either in replies or on AO3. :)

—

"I should have known I would find you here. You always come back to this place." Kili said, sitting beside Fili on the rafters, looking down onto the show below. It really was a magical sight. Had been the first time, in the audience, and has been since, no matter from which angle he saw it again.

Fili, below him, golden head crowned in finery, robes swishing and theatrical magical effects at his finger tips.

The Fili of now, his Fili, sat beside him, a small, mysterious smile dancing on his lips.

"Do you regret it?" Kili bit his tongue - but too late, the words were already out. Fili turned away from the show, from the awe inspiring sight, and the night that changed his life - and there was fire in his eyes, a determination so strong it always took Kili's breath away.

Fili might not have been born magic, not like Kili was, but he had a will that could move mountains, a heart of gold, and a fire hotter than any dragon's - as much as his ire was much slower to rise.

"Never." Fili just said, his deep timbre raising goosebumps on Kili's skin.

Kili could drink Fili in, every little detail of him, again and again, and it would never be enough.

No time could ever make him tire of Fili's presence - and Kili prayed everyday that Fili would continue to feel the same.

But Fili wasn't made for forever, not like Kili was.

Still, he had already started down the road that had him worried since he had first found Fili here, of all places - might as well see where it lead.

"Then why come back here? To this time and place? You have all of time at your fingertips, every thought could be your reality - and yet you come back here, before, again and again. Why?"

"I come back here because it is the beginning. My roots, so to speak. Back then I couldn't fathom what life would have in store for me - I was happy, I was content, finally having gotten that role of a lifetime. But I had no idea what was out there, what awaited me - who awaited me."

Fili looked down again, stars in his eyes, as his counterpart bowed with a flourish, face shining like the sun.

And then his eyes wandered, into the shadows, where Kili had been hiding, spellbound, that very first time.

"I can go everywhere - and I do, with you. Because there is nowhere else I would rather be. But when I can't be at your side? This is where I come back to, because this moment, this small pocket of time between one incredible life and the next - this is home too. My most precious memory. Because it led me to you."

Kili's breath caught as below them his past self glided through the shadows, through the darkness, taking form only in the radiant light, to bask in Fili's golden presence and shower him in compliments.

'Magic.' Kili had called Fili's performance back then, knowing full well to what he was comparing it. Fili was so much more, and yet nothing else had come close.

Their surroundings burst into golden sparks, sand blown away by the winds of time. Their past selves remained, smiling, just a bit longer, before they too lost form. The breeze gently pulling their shimmering silhouettes through the air, dancing, mingling, becoming one, before finally being lost to the wind.

Fili - his Fili, Fili now, as Kili was - remained.

"Shall we? We still have an eternity to explore after all. And many more wonderful moments of our own to create."

The smile on Fili's face was just as warm as that very first day. His hand just as inviting. Kili took it, let his own magic fly free between them, fireworks just for them.

There was always more to explore, always more to see - and no one else he would rather see it with. Old or new, unexpected or like coming home.

Kili had been born magic. Fili had played it.

But together they made it.

[marshmallowprotection]

Sorry to bring this topic back now, but I'm honestly glad to see you talking about the passport tequila(?) thing. I haven't read your passport post yet because I wanna avoid spoilers for the passport just in case I manage to get it one day (but it'll take a while till that happens, seeing Cheritz still isn't shipping to Finland and I still haven't got the bodypillow I ordered from them in May), but I've seen two pictures of some of its contents already. The second one a photoset of him and MC (which btw was seriously adorable and made me wanna get the passport immediately, man he's so cute) and the first one I saw was the doodle of Saeran being passed out.

My friend messaged me about it, also pretty devastated and disappointed that the artist had drawn something like that in the passport, completely forgetting his past and trauma with alcohol. Honestly, because it was the first ever thing I heard about the passport's contents and the first doodle I saw, I was really disappointed and felt hesitant about ever getting it. I went on a whole rant about it back then and then later started feeling like I overreacted a bit...

But not gonna lie, it kinda upset me too because it just seemed so OOC for him to do? You pretty much already put how I feel about it into words really well. I just don't think he'd drink alcohol, seeing that's pretty much where his trauma came from, and also when I think about the friends and mutuals I have who've had alcoholic parents and swore to never drink themselves thanks to that, and how Saeyoung doesn't wanna drink because of his mum and they share that trauma…

Then after talking about it with a few friends I began to think that hey, maybe he wanted to try it out once and already after ONE sip went "too bitter DX" and didn't want more. He likes sweet stuff anyway, even if he didn't have all the trauma, I doubt his sweet tooth would like the taste of alcohol. The first impression my friend and I got was that he was DRUNK, but nah, now he just looks like he's suffering because it was too bitter lol

But then I saw someone here mention that it might not even be an alcoholic drink (or that he passed out from the heat) and hey, I'm just gonna go ahead and headcanon that now, it was just way too bitter for him

In the end I do think that the artist who worked on that passport wasn't entirely aware of his past, which is a shame. Or just didn't think about it. I think someone told them to "make some cute and funny doodles of him" and they thought "hey drunk Saeran lol that could be funny and cute" without thinking about it more, and that's how the doodle became a thing

You’re still waiting for that? Jesus, I hope that the mail service is able to open up soon for your country and that it’s okay for them to ship things around. It’s been a while now, I would’ve thought that they might have been able to work around to get it to you! Well, precautions are precautions, and those are important when the world is like this but huh. Odd that it’s not working around yet. 

It really unsettled me when I saw it. I thought, “Okay, maybe it’s not actually just straight-up tequila or booze, I can rationalize this away as something else cause it’s really not okay to me.” I know someone said in the post that it’s on the Wiki that Saeran’s not a big fan of soda because it gives him headaches, and I know that feeling, so if one wants to think it’s soda, they can. It’s easy to say, well, it’d be possible that it’s the dry heat of the country and he’s flopped over from that after finally getting something chilled. 

It’s easier for me to rationalize it in that manner instead of saying that it’s alcohol even though it’s clearly intended to be seen as that. I’ve unfortunately got similar trauma and I see myself in the Choi boys. Do you know how rare it can be to find characters that are adults that don’t drink or aren’t invested in drinking culture as a whole? I’m fine with people enjoying their vices and doing things in moderation but—

I just cannot relate to it. I’m nearly 24 and I cannot stand even the smell of that stuff. It’s fine if you enjoy your wine or liquor or whatever, it just feels in such poor taste to draw out someone drinking that has made it very clear that they aren’t comfortable with drinking, and they shouldn’t have to explain out their trauma to have their feelings justified. The whole, “Just one sip, it won’t really hurt you,” is so toxic.

Can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that when I’ve made it very clear that I’m uncomfortable with that and I would rather chug dish soap than be subjected to booze. 

I’m proud of Saeran for how far he’s come in his AE. I sincerely am, emotionally he’s doing so much better and he’s working on himself, but I really don’t see him or his brother ever trying alcohol. There could be a point where maybe they just say, “What the hell did she even see in this? What do people even see in this stuff?” and they try one singular sip, and go: “Yeah, no, this isn’t the thing for me, no thanks.” 

I’m cool with that if that is what they choose to do. It’s their body, their trauma, and their choice. 

Saeyoung and Saeran have very clear trauma from Alcoholism. It’s made very clear from the both of them that they don’t drink. Seven notes that he’s about as straight-laced as they come when it means alcohol or smoking. Unknown can’t really be counted as a smoker, he literally used that as an excuse during the SE to contact Mint Eye. So, I’ve never read him as a smoker, either. It was a good excuse. Neither of them gets involved with addictive vices that are legal for you to use. 

I struggle with fanon content sometimes because I’ll find stories or imagines where the writer has shown Saeyoung or Saeran drinking, and I just have to nope out of that setting. It’s not cute or cheeky. I personally don’t answer any requests that involve the boys drinking because I’ve made my stance very clear on the subject and how I feel about depicting characters that do not want to drink and have made it known that they do not want to drink as drinking. The rest of the RFA? Sure, some of them drink occasionally, fairly in moderation, which is alright. 

The Passport itself is really cute, no spoilers, but that’s the only thing within its contents that made me uncomfortable. The rest of it was definitely worth what I paid for and it made me smile if that’s any comfort to you. It’s just that one little doodle that just... yeah, I think I would go with your theory on this one, and that being that the artist might not have known specifically about the brothers or what they’ve dealt with in their lives, and just went with a cute idea they had and it’s not really anything huge. 

It’s fine to drink and all, but it’s equally important to respect when someone says that they don’t want to do it. That is a personal choice, and I just wish more folks would consider Saeran and Saeyoung’s feelings on the matter since it’s been stated in the canon plenty, specifically by Saeyoung during his Routes events in the game, and you can infer from Saeran fairly easily given what he was subjected to in his life. 

TLDR; It’s fine to drink when you want to do it, and there’s nothing wrong with it in moderation; but, it’s important to respect that not everyone wants to drink or get involved with that sort of stuff. 

[retphienix]

It's been 6 years :)

On March 30th, 2015 I decided I wanted a gaming side blog. (so we're early, but shush, it's the month for me)

I didn't know what I'd use it for exactly, but I had ideas- something I always have even if most of them only get as far as daydreamin' or writing out before closing them :P

For proof on the lack of direction the blog initially had- the March 30th date is the anniversary of my first post, an in-depth and lengthy review of Dragon Warrior Monsters for the GBC.

If you know the blog then you know "Extremely long and in-depth reviews" aren't the norm around here. As a matter of fact, that first post is the ONLY one I've done!

The closest I've come to ever repeating that would be the (word of the day) Directionless video I put out on Hades to get a grip on the concept of making videos, but that wasn't nearly as much of a 'review' as that first post is.

Tangent, definitely planning on trying my hand at videos some more for the foreseeable future. Probably not gonna use the tagline Full Impressions that I tossed as a whim for the Hades video but yeah- I'm excited to try my hand at a few videos :) tangent over.

It didn't take me long to come up with what I'd like to do for the blog though :)

A few months later I liveblogged a challenge run of FFT where I used only Ramza- a solo run. - Which maybe only happened because I tried a nuzlocke run a year prior on my main account-

(Nuzlocke | FFT challenge run)

Thanks to that haphazard liveblog experiment I started to realize a couple things which became the primary motivators behind this blog.

1) I LOVE sharing experiences. No brainer, I'm sure, but being able to share my experiences, and compare them with others' experiences, and just that mutual sharing is uplifting and feels good to do.

2) Liveblogging is an EXCEPTIONAL motivator to buckle down and play all those games I said I'd play (cue everyone laughing because I'm still way behind and have an immeasurable backlog).

But I mean that, on both respects. I have plenty of motivators toward the blog today, but if I were to be concise it's pretty much "It's easier to beat games if I liveblog them- otherwise I get distracted and play other games" and "I love sharing experiences and thoughts with people about my favorite thing- games."

Since 2015 I've tackled around 70 games as full playthroughs, and an untold ton as one offs or just to ramble about for a bit.

I've had a lot of highlights over the years, and I don't talk much about it as an overall experience so I thought for the anniversary I'd try to do just that. Not everything- I can't say I have photographic memory that would bring all of it up without prompting after all :P But whatever comes to mind as I browse some of my old stuff- as well as some thoughts on what I'd like to see in the future.

It's gonna be a bit self-centric I assume as I type this preamble to it, so let me say outright that this blog wouldn't be half of what it is without all the people who've given it the time of day over the years.

From recommending games they love or appreciate, to comparing thoughts, to offering kind words for analysis I've done over the years, to pointing out when I'm dumb and misread a situation :P- to, yes, even the people who decided "Fuck this guy's ramble" and deleted my captions before reblogging my gifs way back during Hamtaro (Of COURSE I remember that! It's amusing lol).

This is better because of others, because of the interactions and the people I've gotten the chance to chat with or befriend. It's just a liveblog more or less, my own little bit of fun I toss out for myself if for anyone- so seeing others enjoy this or that from the work I put into sharing my experiences or thoughts is always a joy in itself :)

Anyway, onto selfishly rambling about some tidbits of the past :)

Also sorry but no, opted to not shove a ton of photos in, it does have a handful of links to old posts though :P

This'll be disorganized as heck as I'll add to it over time before I feel it's worth posting (or the tumblr post editor becomes a hassle and more or less forces me to).

First~

FFT Solo Ramza Challenge: Considering it was roughly the first thing this blog has done, it's also something that's stuck in my head a lot more clearly than most of the other stuff I've done to be honest lol.

In truth, this is partially because FFT is my favorite game, bar none. But it's also because the whole experience was pretty new to me. Prior to it I had really only done one self-imposed-challenge that wasn't requested by the game in some manner and that was a nuzlocke run of Blue version.

So adding a challenge to my favorite game was a fantastic experience!

Notes I just wanted to say today about that run: If anyone enjoys FFT I honestly recommend giving it a shot for the unique story it lends itself to. I do recommend skipping the rules until after the second battle but that's up to YOU to decide.

My first post on the subject is me complaining about spending 4 hours grinding out the second fight and, despite hyperbole being my natural state, that was NOT hyperbole.

It DID take 60~ restarts to beat. It DID take 4 hours. The reason is that that 2nd battle is RNG as HECK, you HAVE to have Delita do some meaningful actions, you HAVE to have the enemies miss and make poor plays, you damn near HAVE to crit a few instances to save yourself from taking too much damage.

It's a numbers game to the extreme, so I wouldn't fault anyone for 'cheating' and skipping the 2nd fight for the ruleset lol.

The memory that stands out the most for that run is actually isolated in a post in which Ramza (Purrick in this run) talks like a total badass as just ONE DUDE running into a room full of enemies. I just think on that as a great encapsulated view of what it was like. The run started off face grindingly difficult, but because FFT is a game that offers so much freedom to the player it was extremely easy to 'break' the game into making Purrick overpowered as hell.

That's something I love about some tactical RPGs, I love having the ability to play smart so that I can play stupid later on, and breaking the game into making him one shot god is certainly a good payoff for playing smart early on :P

RetQuick: I miss RetQuick, it was primarily a short experiment I did in 2015 where I'd play a game for a short span of time (REALLY short, like 10-20 minutes) and record that for the purpose of making gifs and saying a short piece on what I thought.

It's one of those formats where the purpose was pretty shallow- but had a reason. I wanted to try making some gifs with some tools that existed online, so I made an excuse to do just that.

I also wanted to play a TON of games, usually through emulation on my sister's PSP, and this let me do that.

These two minor goals came together and so I spent a while making RetQuicks which were honestly more fun to make than they had any right to be. I mean the gifs were tedious but the playing? The thought sharing? The end product ocassionally having more appeal than just a photoset? It was fun.

I'm thinking whenever I have trouble picking a game for the blog I'll revisit the format... sorta.

I already reused it for a short stint to show clips I had no plan on expanding into a playthrough, but that died as well as it was too similar to Tidbits posts (another tag I no longer really use).

My thought is to rebrand retquick as something of a tryout for what game comes next. Play a handful of my backlog games for an hour or so each and say some thoughts before saying which one I'll continue as the main game for that period of time.

Old Tag Stuff: One of those things that only sticks to me since I made the decisions but it's always funny for me to look back on my old posts because I was apprehensive as hell toward making my posts visible. The reason my early playthroughs on the My-Tags page are variants of Ret instead of just "The name of the game so people can find this post" is because I felt like a liveblog would just spam the tag to hell-

Something I don't remotely feel bad for doing anymore.

So I avoided getting any sort of spotlight for quite a while on the blog for little reason.

Why Retphienix?: This is just a dumb thought I wanted to share and I'm sure I've said before.

It stands for retro!

Yeah!

Ain't that dumb and also not a real shorthand? lol

I think I have some sort of deer in headlights anxiety towards naming things, I mean do you think I think Full Impressions is a good summation for a video? I don't. But perhaps that's overshadowed by the other inexperiences and anxiety driven decisions that had- doesn't matter.

Retphienix is Retphienix because I sat there in 2015 and thought "Well... what do I name an alt account?"

My main is Redphienix, which yes, is ALSO a terrible name AND is misspelled. But it's that because of sentimental reasons. As a kid I misspelled Redphoenix when making my gamertag (I knew how to spell Phoenix back then as well, I was too excited about xbox live and misspelled it) and it's become something of a sentimental misspelling.

So I wanted to make a mix on that for my game blog, but I had no idea what. In the end I thought "RetroPhienix? I don't know. Retphienix is closer to Redphienix. I'll do that" and so it was done.

And just like how Redphienix is both bad and misspelled but exists because of sentimental reasons- Retphienix has acquired the same 'flavor' in my eye lol.

Aspirations for the blog: I have no immediate ramp up plans or road map or whatever, and in truth I'll be happy if the blog stays just as it is forever- up until tumblr ends- I cry over lost posts- and I reopen it on another platform.

But I do have blurry half-considered daydreams that I'd like to see happen for the blog through some hard work or shifts on my part.

One is something I'm already doing kinda, hence my embarrassing means of bringing it up a lot lately. Videos- I want those. I wanna make some looks back on series people don't talk about that I enjoy, I want to make videos sharing my thoughts on games I beat for the blog (like what full impressions kinda was, but I don't think they'll have a unified name from here on out). Maybe retrospectives, but mostly when I think of making a video tied to retphienix or me in general it's me looking at a game that said something to me, and saying it louder with my own interpretations on it.

You know the kind, videos where they talk about a video game but not the whole thing- just a singular message they really heard loud and clear from it intentionally or not. I dig those and I know I end a lot of games having plenty to say that could be directed into such a format.

We'll see.

And I'm along for the ride on that one as well- currently I'm keeping my eyes on whatever is directly next, which happens to be "I plan on playing Omori, if it clicks as something to talk about I would like to take a shot at that in a video too!"

The other is that I'd like to build a small community. Wouldn't know the first thing on doing that in a modern sense, but just a little online friend group to chat with and play games together. Something that could open up multiplayer and coop experiences being better shared on the blog and would just in general expand my gaming to what it used to be back on the 360 when I had a large group to play with.

Since the 360 era ended I've pretty much closed off- stopped playing competitive games due to lack of interest- and slowed down to playing all games either solo, with randoms (and no mic usually), or with my cousin. It's a rare instance when I play with some good people like @gamesception or another friend of mine, John.

When I diverted from playing competitive games nonstop toward other genres I didn't intend to also cut out all my online gaming buds, it just kinda happened, and I never really put any effort into rectifying that.

So more or less I'd like to one day sit down and work on a discord server, and then buck up and put the leg work in to make some gamin' buds again, but that's such a vague concept anymore.

Sounds all sad and what not but it's more ambivalent, I made decisions that

changed how gaming worked for me after the 360 and this is just where it landed for better and worse- I'd just like to see if I can make it a little better :P

General things I think when I think retphienix: Honestly? I think of how much fun I've had over the years and how thankful I am to have had an outlet that encouraged me to explore more of the medium.

I REALLY love games. I went to college for games, I've written LEAGUES about games, I've played countless games, my childhood was games, my adult life is games- games games games yada yada yada.

So when I think of retphienix I think of how without it I probably wouldn't have explored a lot of the corners of gaming that I have.

I genuinely, and I mean this, might not have sat down and beaten FF7 for myself and would have considered the amount I played as a kid to be enough.

I might not have played Chrono Trigger yet, and I KNOW I wouldn't have played Chrono Cross, and I'm happy as hell to have played both of those. CT was a mind blowing moment for me that showed me just how good an RPG can be, and CC gave me miles to think of in terms of innovating an RPG and how beholden to the narrative a sequel should be (I don't feel CC should have been chrono at all lol).

I DEFINITELY wouldn't have given New Vegas another chance. And I know I'm a sourpuss on NV, I've been that way since I maxed my achievements on the 360 for it, but replaying it really did reveal to me how exceedingly negative I was being.

My memories had become "It's brown and a boring location >:(" and "The factions all suck and it doesn't do anything with the idea of bad factions >:(" and became "It's... a little brown guys, not a big fan of the area" and "They didn't do enough with exploring the gray factions" while adding "Wait. This is pretty damn fun. And 90% of the additions are stellar. And I forgot about Dead Money, my favorite dlc in any game ever with a story that tears at my heart every time I think of it, NV good actually?"

Faxanadu would have remained a cool game I saw on SSFF and not a game I played to the end and fell in love with the aesthetic feel it has!

Also that's a game I cheated like crazy on lol, I would do it again! Save state scumming games meant to be rudely difficult is only fair :P

I probably would have never sat down to play through Windwaker which was such a positive and uplifting experience that I now get the most relaxed and warm feeling in my heart when I see those blue waves.

There's so many experiences I would have left on the table in favor of like... putting more hours into a live service title or something.

Maybe, and no offense to my cousin or anyone else playing it, but maybe I'd be no-lifing World of Warcraft nonstop just stagnating my interest toward the skinner box mechanics of an MMO?

Some offense, actually but lightheartedly lol.

But beyond the entire games I've played for the blog, when I think retphienix I picture all the time making gifs, all those games I played on the PSP for short stints, buying a retron 5 to add to what I could explore and being stoked when they shipped a freebie box of old controllers to go with it, getting angry at the retron for being a Piece Of Shit lol, crying at the end of damn near every game with an emotional story because I'm a big emotional mess of a person who finds investing and crying at a story way too easy thanks to empathy pulls, oh!-

Getting excited whenever I found that I had a "*controversial*" opinion that no one would care about lol. Like the one that comes to mind is that I thoroughly believe that Dragon Ball Z II: Gekishin Freeza!! for the NES is WAY better than the fandom recognized and appreciated sequel/remake Dragon Ball Z: Legend of the Super Saiyan!

How many people do you hear talking about either game, let alone saying the NES game that is roughly half of the SNES remake is the better one :P But I stand by that! The SNES one is a remake of DBZ1 and 2 for the NES but it loses all the charm and some of the fun of the NES ones by being a lackluster SNES game!

lol

I admitted wholeheartedly that this post would be a lit-

little directionless (gotta love the new tumblr poster making me break sentences like that), but to sum things up.

It's been 6 years. It's been an untold amount of work to be honest- liveblogging a game, at least for me, hasn't been the easiest thing. It's a lot of thinking out my thoughts (heh), it's a lot of learning tools to make the capturing process possible, it's a lot of experimenting, it's a lot of writing and editing, and, well, sometimes it's just tough.

I mean I went to school for coding, not video editing, not writing, not image processing, not this or that- but this hobby has introduced a lot of things even if only at a VERY base level (I admit fully to using online alternatives to make gifs for instance).

I learned a lot about, well, a lot of things in order to use this blog to learn more about games- and all that work has become part of why I've loved all 6 years of this blog.

6 years of gaming, work, and you all- and it's been worth the investment :) Here's to many more and all of you whether you stumble upon this post or not- literally anyone who's interacted in these 6 years, thank you, and anyone who hasn't I offer you well wishes as well.

<3