#but my feelings about my local team's mascot aside this is awesome
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Is 11 the New 13?
Newsflash. It’s not.
Last night, my sons went to an old-fashioned baseball game at the local college. They went with a group of eight kids, ranging from ages seven to eleven, chaperoned by their awesome principal. I allowed my older son to take his new iPhone - which he’d had gotten the day before - with the explicit instructions that he was not to take it out of his pocket unless he felt it vibrating - I might text him to make sure all was well. That’s what we got it for anyway - aside for his terrific grades and his ‘graduating’ from elementary school - it was for communicating with us as we loosen the reins. He happily agreed to my baseball game rule. My son knows how I feel about the iPhone. He knows it’s to be used as a tool to help him become more independent in the real world and not as a way to immerse and isolate himself in a cyber one. “We will use it for good.” Researching school projects? Playing fun games as a way to unwind? FaceTimeing with Daddy or with family out-of-state? Taking cool photos to chronicle memories? Check, check, check. But it will not be used to suck time, or to comment on strangers’ comments, or to post said pics. Most importantly, social media will be off limits.
He got it.
Maybe he got it because I left no room for negotiation.
Our home computer is linked to his new iPhone. I was on it, writing, while he was at the game, when I noticed a slew of texts coming in from the fifth grade class thread he’s on. Just silly, dumb tweeny messages that a few boys were sending on a Thursday night. After a while I noticed my son joined in, with a single reply. “At a Jackal’s game.” I frowned. I told myself he must’ve felt the phone buzzing and checked to see if it was me. Fine. That was all fine. And then I noticed the immediate response from one of his friends. “The Jackals suck!”
And then the texts kept coming.
“Boring!” “That field is trash!” “BORING BORING BORING”
With each incoming text, my stomach dropped. What was this? This instinct to knock something down so fast? Was it innocent ‘trash-talk’? Or was I looking at future trolls in the making?
I’m proud to say that my son did not further engage - aside from sending a short video and a pic of him and the team mascot, as he was leaving the ballpark. Which we later discussed - how he could’ve sent that photo when he got home. How he should have sent it then. How we aren’t gonna start bending the rules so early on in the game. How you have to be in the experience as it’s happening & not worry about posting the experience. Etc etc. But for the most part, he had passed his first test. The test to resist.
HERE’S THE DEAL
Unlike dabbling in drugs, drinking, smoking, sex, or any other urges teenagers are drawn to, which have been around for ages - social media is a whole new thing we have to contend with as parents. There is no hindsight or personal experience to fall back on. And we have no idea how it will affect our young children.
I got my first BlackBerry at the tender age of 30. There are days when, as a 40-year-old, all the Internet chatter, all the Instagram comments, the Twitter feed vitriol, get to me, trip me up, make me doubt myself, and fill me with frustration and anger. I can’t imagine being so young and having to deal with all that. During childhood, the extent of my social life was delegated to whispery phone calls in my room until my father shouted for me to hang up. Or hanging out with a bunch of friends outside my apartment building, until my mother yelled through the window for me to get my butt home. My burgeoning confidence had nothing to do with the amount of “followers” I had, or how many “likes” I received. And the bullies in my life had to insult me to my face and were not allowed the luxury of doing it anonymously from the comfort of their little device.
I’ve heard parents say - in our quaint, progressive town - that they can’t keep up, that it’s kids these days, that it’s just the way it is. I don’t buy it. We have to be as invested as we say we are - especially when it comes to this stuff. How can we be supportive, even coddling, how can we be round-the-clock cheerleaders and advocates for our children’s well-being - and not bother to check their text history, or their google searches, and not bother to put restrictions on their devices? Not doing so sends a dangerous mixed-message. I will fold your laundry, and help you with your homework and buy you clothes you want, and get you anything you need because you are still small and innocent - but when you’re on that phone, you’re on your own.
WHAT IS THAT?
I tell my son - perhaps you’ve earned the right to have a device, but earning the right to have privacy is a whole other deal. He knows I go through his phone every day, and he has no problems with it. I am not taking away anything from him by being privy to his online goings-on. In fact, I am keeping him safe. He has to earn my trust, and he has to keep earning it.
Do chores, be a good example for your younger brother, be kind, be accepting of others, study hard, show respect, read, don’t be afraid to ask questions, be confident in your passions and your convictions, know how to say no, know how to go without, how to wait - and then we can talk about private accounts. But only when you’re thirteen. :)
I highly doubt that the parents who allow their ten or eleven year old child unfettered access to the Internet, would allow them to smoke pot, watch porn, have a beer or go on an unchaperoned date, or even walk to town without a phone in their pocket. The smart phone in our child’s hand holds the whole world. And at 10, 11, 12 - our children are not ready for the whole world. They’re simply not. Until our children are old enough to navigate the real world, they must be supervised when in the cyber one.
I am not afraid to say no. I am not afraid to say because I said so. Sometimes that’s all you get when you’re 11 and you’re still trying to figure out who you are, how you’re perceived, what impact you have, or when you cry because you lose a game of Clash of Clans. And it’s ok if you cry. You’re still learning how to articulate your feelings, learning how to deal with being a kid. And we talk. We talk all the time, about many things I would not have dreamed of talking about with my parents at this age. But he knows I am there for him - I will try to answer any questions he has, as age-appropriately and as honestly as I can. There’s a certain innocence that I’m trying to nurture here. My son is a sweet boy at heart and I want to keep it that way for as long as possible. But that means there’s a job I have to do. Because it is a job - a duty, as much as it is a right - to raise my son to be a decent human being. With or without a phone in his pocket.
This morning, as I was working up an emotional sweat relaying the baseball game anecdote to my friend, she turned to me with a kind smile and said “It’s only day three…Pace yourself, Dag.” She’s right. In the fall comes middle school and who knows what middle school will bring to the table. It’s like saying I’m a good driver - but there are other drivers on the road. A crash can happen, even when you’re doing everything you should be. That’s life.
Parenting is taking a leap of faith every single day. The rules we set forth and the boundaries we place on our children are done so in the hopes that its’ all for their good. That one day they’ll understand the thought process behind our reasoning. Until that day comes, I’m prepared to put up a fight. I will fight for the right to protect my child while allowing him certain responsibilities and rewards that will carve the road toward his independence.
It’s a delicate dance, and a complicated one, and I’m sure there will be days where I will epically fall flat on my ass. But I will get up, and dust myself off, and keep at it. For my own sake. And most especially, for his.
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The Average and Unusual Couple: Chapter Four
Stan gets near to Lydia as he graces to how very beautiful she was. From her dark raven hair that’s in a half ponytail hairstyle, to her gorgeous eye makeup, black upper lip and red lower lip, a long dark purple top, a pair of black leggings, and a light purple and pink sash tied around her waist. He’s never seen a girl with such spooky beauty before. Probably the most beautiful person that he has ever met in his entire life.
Stan sits next to Lydia at the table, and there was no one else but the two of them.
Stan: So, Lydia, how are you liking this town so far?
Lydia: I haven’t seen much of it yet. I’ve only been out once between after moving here and before coming into this school.
Stan: What did you do while you were out?
Lydia: It was shopping for my much needed school supplies at Target. And then I ate at Panera Bread on the way back.
Stan: Do you see anything cool while you were out?
Lydia: I saw a sign that leads to a trail park.
Stan: Oh, you mean the Beaver Creek Trail?
Lydia: Yeah, that one! I definitely want to plan a visit there someday in hope to see a wild Elk. From where I came from, we only had one trail park, and it’s pretty smell. Only takes about an hour to walk around the whole place.
Stan: It doesn’t sound pretty exciting if you’re looking to do a much longer walk.
Lydia: True, but it does at least have some decent nature sightings. I’ve seen some deer, skunks, hawks, and a shit load of Canadian geese.
Stan: Oh yeah, those guys. They’re only common around here during winter.
Lydia: I usually see them like everyday. Even whenever I’m in my room, I’ll alway hear them flying by.
Stan: Do you hate them?
Lydia: Nope. I actually like them. Yeah, they can be annoying at times, but whenever I see them in a skein, it’s a really nice sighting to behold. I’m pretty much an animal lover in a nutshell.
Stan getting excited: Really? I love animals a lot too! Do you have a favorite animal?
Lydia: Bats. Especially since I love old Vampire movies and not the newer ones, I mostly love them for their creepy appearance. But I also love how they socialize with each other, and the way they sleep.
Stan: My favorite type of Bat might have to be the Little Red Flying-Fox. I just love their dog like face.
Lydia: They are very cute looking Bats for sure. What about your favorite animal, Stan?
Stan: Dolphins and Whales for me. I find them to be some of the most fascinating creatures on the planet. I’ve seen some of them in the wild one time during my vacation on the east coast.
Lydia: Nice! Sometime ago, I actually did a telethon on helping the whales where we raised about over $10,000.
Stan: Awesome! I’ve donated some money to a whale charity myself, and even took a stand against the whaling industry.
Lydia: Good for you. I just can’t imagine in living a world without them.
Stan: I couldn’t agree with you more.
After on having their lunch, it was now time for recess. Outside, Stan and Lydia head over to an empty picnic table to continue on with their conversation.
Clyde: Yo, Stan, are you up for a good game of football?
Stan: Not today, Clyde. I want to keep on having my conversation with Lydia here.
Clyde: Are you sure? This is literally our very game in over a year.
Stan: Maybe another time.
Clyde: Alright, but promise that you’ll play with us again sooner than later.
Stan: Will do.
As Clyde leaves, Stan and Lydia were once again alone together.
Lydia: You play football?
Stan: Yep. I’m actually one of the quarterbacks for this school’s football team. We’re the South Park Cows.
Lydia: Huh? Why are you guys call the cows?
Stan: This town has a huge history when it comes to the cow industry. We’ve produced the most cow beef in all of Colorado for over a hundred years now, and the founder of South Park was a butcher on cows.
Lydia: Uhh…ok?
Stan: Yeah, I know. Kinda fucked up on having a cow as a mascot that’s based on slaughtering them for a living, but our school and town still love our cows regardless. We even hold a special event every summer call Cow Days in their honor.
Lydia: This town surely does have such a weird obsession with cows even more so than my Aunt May and Uncle Clyde ever could. Moving onto a different topic, what is like to live in South Park?
Stan: Well, in some days, it’s really nice and quiet. But there’s also other days when this town can go batshit crazy.
Lydia: Really, how so?
Stan: There was this one event that happened on Thanksgiving years ago when one of our local scientist tried to clone turkeys in order to give those in need that can’t afford on buying one, but the turkey got out of control that they were killing people. Our town had to fight them off, and we won.
Lydia: Wow! And here I thought Thanksgiving 12: The Killer Turkey was already crazy enough.
Stan: What’s that?
Lydia: It’s a horror movie that I like to watch every Thanksgiving.
Stan: Oh. Anyway, there’s also this one time where all our seniors citizens took over our town for a short period until we took it back by locking Country Kitchen Buffet from the inside as it was their main source of food.
Lydia: Damn.
Stan: And this town even got some visits from Aliens on several occasions.
Lydia excited: Deadly Vu! Actual Aliens?! What were they like?
Stan: Some look as genetic as you expect, and others are just very hard to describe that you have to see them for yourself to believe.
Lydia: I hope to have an Alien encounter myself someday.
Stan: Just be careful when you come across them. Some may be friendly, but others can be very dangerous that you’ll have to run like hell to get away from them.
Lydia: Thanks for the warning. *sighs* So, living in this town must be like going through a crazy adventure. Even the most craziest events from where I used to live at doesn’t compare to what you guys have been through. Living in this town must be very special for you.
Stan: Actually, for the first ten years of my life, I used to live within South Park. I lived very close to where my friends still currently live at around the suburb area. But shortly after I became ten, my dad decided that he had enough of this town and we now live in a place call Tegridy Farms that’s about an hour drive from here.
Lydia: Tegridy Farms? My parents said something about trying out some type of weed that South Park is well known for as we were on the road. Your family runs a weed business?
Stan: Yes, but we were forced into it by my dad against our wills. He’s seriously passionate about it, but me and the rest of my family hate living there.
Lydia: What’s it like?
Stan: It’s like living through hell. It takes me much longer to get to school, I don’t often see my friends as much as I used too, and yet despite of me and my family feeling unhappy living there, my dad doesn’t care about our feelings at all. He really loves his weed products and all the money that he’s been making.
Lydia: Has your mother tried to do something about?
Stan: She can’t. And believe me, she tried as hard as she could to get us move back to South Park. My dad doesn’t want to move back to South Park no matter how hard she tried to plea him. Plus, my mom doesn’t have enough money on her own to either get us move back here or filing a divorce against my dad.
Lydia: Such a terrible hardship. I’m very sorry for hearing the things that you and your family are going through. I only wish that you and your family can someday return here in anyway possible.
Stan: About that, I don’t think that’s gonna be possible anymore.
Lydia: Why not?
Stan: Before I tell you why, promise me that you won’t get mad about it.
Lydia: Go on and express your feelings for whatever it is. I’ll be as honest on what you have to say about it as I can.
Stan *takes a huge breath* The house that I used to live at, is now yours.
Lydia: You mean the house that I just recently moved into?
Stan: Yes. Last Saturday while I was on my bike, I saw the moving truck parked right next to what used to be my front yard, and even saw your parents talking with each other outside. I’ve been dreaming for so long for that very day that I can finally return to my old house. I have so many wonderful memories there, and it was my most favorite place in the entire world. But now that can’t happen, and I’m honestly heartbroken because of it. But that doesn’t mean that I’m at all angry at you or your parents. I welcome you all with open arms to South Park. And even though we already just met, you’re such a wonderful person to be around with and I really would like to hang out with you a bit more. I only hope that you’ll make yourself incredible memories to your new home with it just as much as I did. *he begins to tear up a bit*
Lydia begins to feel a lot of sympathy for Stan. Hearing on what he has been through and missing his old house with strong breaking heart makes her own heart feel very blue. But also at the same it, she has a lot of appreciation in how Stan expressed his feelings towards her. Aside from Beetlejuice, no one else has ever said such strong honesty words in front of her.
Lydia: Stan, in all the years that I’ve known people personally, none of them had ever said such honestly words to me in the way that you just did. Not only do I love your honestly, but you’re also very sweet, nice, and so wonderful to talk with. For those reasons, I seriously would love to hang out with you more, and now see you as my new friend.
Stan: Really?
Lydia: Absolutely. And it also hurts me a lot to hear on how much suffering you’ve been through living in that farm and missing your old home. If you’re completely free this weekend, then I’ll be more than happy to invite you back to your old house for a sleepover. We can even make plans on what we can do around in this town.
Stan smiling: I’ll be more than happy to do those things with you, Lydia. Also, thank you so much for inviting me to your home.
Lydia smiling: And thank you in becoming a new friend for me. I didn’t have a lot of friends back from the school that I used to go too. It really means a lot to me.
Stan smiling: I can’t wait to show you so much of this town during next weekend, new friend.
Lydia smiling: Me too.
The school bell rang as it was time to head back to class. As Stan and Lydia walked back into the building together, their special relationship had only just begun.
In the next chapter, Stan shows off Lydia and her ghostly friend on what South Park has to offer.
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