#but looking at academical workfields its all brainless mechanical robotish monotone jobs. whatever it is
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#derpy#its been a while kiddos. honestly ive been lowkey intimidated by doing these random babble posts bcz of how big this blog has gotten. but..#...at the end of the day it shouldn't really matter how big the audience gets bcz my content will still be pure self indulgence#hahahhaa. bet u thought that was going to get deep for a sec. :P okay but have a random deep ramble now:#well i dont know how many of you were here last summer or heck...how many even remembers#but I talked about how I was entering med school with mixed feelings. and i thought a year later those feelings would have settled. but nop#ive always been that kid who enjoyed all subjects in school and were good at all of them. ive also been a highly artsy and creative one#pursuing arts (of any type) would drain away the freedom and fun of it. it would become an economical burden to do art...#...to somehow fit public taste and it just wasnt ever something i liked#but looking at academical workfields its all brainless mechanical robotish monotone jobs. whatever it is#so logically in my head ive always wanted to be able to do my academical nerdy stuff bcz i really love that shit#but at the same time have the room to express my creativity and design and just have my fingers itch in artsy content#and somehow balancing those two sides have always been leading me to one conclusion. architecture.#im studying medicine right now tho. and i know of the economical comfort that doctors enjoy#im aware of the job opportunities#i know how well regarded and encouraged it is from a social perspective... and i see it all. and i see how happy everyone is about it#but at the end of the day...my academic geniality doesn't automatically mean i need an academically challenging workfield#its not like i hate medicine. i enjoy it to some extent. but i also see the negatives. and how its going to effect me mentally to not be..#...be given the room to enjoy my creative freedom. as well as all the stress and be unhappiness of studying#and i genuinely am just turning a blind eye to it in hopes of getting to terms with it. but then im terrified...#..that i will grow up to hate my workfield and regret my decision as well as hate everyone encouraging this decision based on social standa#but changing to architecture now is going to raise so much problems. first of all I need to move 2h (by plane) away from here...#....and only that will be a mess to deal with. i will have to fight my job and my family and prbs cut contact with them to do it.#and well. imagine if i dont find the happiness i hoped for? ughh....scary#maybe experiencing a mid career life crisis during university is normal?? who knows but i know that the next rambling post will def be...#....less messy#thank u for reading~ no im not in need of comforting words and im not super sad im really smiling irl right now at my phone lol#it was a fun ramble thnx and bye~#(thinking about it...maybe i was terrified of making these posts again bcz people always perceive them in such a serious way...#..yes im grateful that u care and worry. but i promise u if i was feeling sad/bad/whatever i wouldnt be doing this on a public platform)
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