#but like. wow. it's 4 am and it jsut hit me all at once Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[fitzselfships]

Wow I love waking up and my brain immediately attacking me with Zooble wouldn't love you /Heavy sarcasm

[nerdycanible1]

Izumi's Coronation

I hope you guys like. This took me maybe 3 and a half hours to write to 4. This is a funny story with some shared kisses between Lin and Kya and Lin and Izumi. I hope you guys like.

There is exactly 4,000 words in this. OwO I am happy. Please enjoy.

Izumi inhaled softly as she stared at herself in the mirror. The noises was muffled, she barely paying attention. She was going to be Fire Lord today and it was still sinking in.

She was fixing her robes, it either was too tight or too loose. She sighed as she took her glasses off and hoped she looked more better. Once she did she only saw a blur of reds and black. She growled and stuck her glasses on.

"Wow the future Fire Lord already to burn things to the ground." Izumi jumped and turned around seeing Bumi with a smile.

Izumi frowned and smoothed out her robes. Bumi was stationed there that month for extra protection for the new Fire Lord. Him and Izumi have been getting along pretty well and were still learning new things about each other. Which is fine, new memories.

"I didnt set a single thing on fire today Bumi now shush." She huffed a sshe went for retie her robes.

BumI rolled his eyes and walked forward and took it from her. He tightened it a bit and soon began to tie them. "You're sure are scared today." He mumbled. Izumi kept her head down as she tried to hide the blush from him.

"I'm fine." she insisted. "Its just nerves." She muttered. "I'm fine." she muttered.

"Yeah you're fine." He agreed a bit too fast to which Izumi glared at him through the mirror. He smirked and tilted his head. "What?"

Izumi scoffed and walked away from him and walked to her desk. In front of her were piles and piles of letters from different suitors around the Fire Nation. She sighed as she had a lot of homework to do by denying each and everyone of them.

Bumi watched her and stood there with his arms behind his back. He had a goatee and he kept his beard at bay. He had groomed himself. He was looking out the doors while Izumi secretly checked him out. His nose a little crooked though that's to be expected from a man in the military.

His chest sturdy and he was fit. He had dressed well that day, though it just was his uniform had been washed and polished. Jsut them a smirk formed on his face. "I see you checking me out." He fixed his coat and Izumi scoffed again and grabbed her lipstick.

Bumi knew Izumi had been self conscious of her looks from a young age. Due to that stupid Fire Nation school. It had hurt him really seeing her try and starve herself or when she ate food that was not her favourite. And now with the damn lipstick. Her lips were beautiful, plump and a perfect mix between maroon and purple though a lighter shade.

He strolled over to her and plucked the lipstick from her hands. "You dont need that. Less is more beautiful." He scoffed as he hid it behind himself. "You're perfect, stop fussing."

Izumi glared at him and held her hand out to him. "Give me the damn lipstick Bumi. Now." She demanded.

Bumi snickered and hummed. "Now you're sounding like a Fire Lord." He uncapped the lipstick and looked at it and then at her. "You know... I've always wanted to see why girls fussed over this. Maybe I'll try it." He hovered it over his lips and Izumi looked at him. Her stare cold and ready to murder.

Not a second later she was chasing after Bumi around the room. Bumi laughed and ran and jumped on her bed and jumped off running. Izumi laughed seeing him try and put it on his lips though he kept missing and either hit his teeth or he got it on his face.

Bumi smiled seeing her smile, he would do anything to see her smile. All seemed to have been forgotten about the coronation as Izumi and Bumi chased each other.

Though when Kya and Lin walked in Bumi wss pinned to the floor by Izumi was she was trying to put eye liner on it. "Damnit Bumi stop moving I almost took your eye." she snapped as she snorted and laughed seeing how wonky the eye liner actually was.

"Get off I said the damn lipstick." He chuckled. Lin arched her brow and crossed her arms as she watched it all unfold.

Bumi screamed again and Izumi huffed and finsihed up and rolled over and laid down next to him panting. Lin and Kya chuckled and Kya walked inside.

Lin grabbed Izumi's glasses and shook her head. "What did I expect, I thought, Hey I bet Izumi is already dressed and sitting in the throne. Hey maybe Bumi is doing his job for once and protecting the Lord of the FireNation." Bumi and and Izumi looked at Lin in surprise and Izumi squinted.

"Wait are you wearing a dress?!" Izumi asked seeing a blur of black and green on Lin.

Lin blushed and handed the other the glasses. Once it was on Izumi saw Lin was wearing a dress suit instead of a dress. Izumi was a little disappointed not seeing the dress but seeing Lin in the suit was hot.

Kya noticed Izumi staring too long and smirked. She helped the other up and pulled her hair a bit and whispered into her ear. "Don't even think about it."

Izumi blushed and scowled at Kya. Lin was ordering Bumi around and was helping him remove what they can from his face. "I wasn't thinking anything." she muttered as she began to take her hair out of its messy bun and began brush through it as Kya helped.

Izumi and Kya were finished as Lin looked at a loss. "It looks like Bumi was out at a night if hooky. Izumi, how do you take makeup off?" Izumi rolled her eyes and pointed to the dressers. That in the blue jar." Kya hummed as she finsihed pinning her hair.

"Wheres Tenzin and Suyin?" She asked glancing up at Kya.

Lin rolled her eyes. "He was caught up with some FireNation girls. Asking him about his tattoos and does he workout." She muttered.

No one said it but they all knew Lin had a small thing for Tenzin but didnt want to be killed by her. "And Su saw a boy and ran off." Lin sounded disgusted and sighed.

"You guys all ready?" Lin asked unbuttoning her second button. It was a lot hotter than she expected it to be. She took off her jacket and held it over her shoulder and looked at them. Bumi, Izumi and Kya all looked at Lin.

Lin may have not been a feminine woman but she sure as hell was a looker. Bumi was the first to snap out of it and brushed his hair back into a undo sort of thing. He had yet to cut it. Izumi on the other hand looked at the two and sighed as she needed to stop being a raging bisexual.

Kya walked to her brother and helped removed what they could of the eye liner. Now Bumi was 10x hotter than he was which was going to be distracting for most women that saw Bumi. "Your father is waiting." Lin held a hand out to Izumi to take, she would escort her there. Izumi smiled and was ready to take the hand until Kya placed her hand there giving a look to Izumi.

Lin rolled her eyes and held her other hand out to her. Izumi took that and Lin began to escort the women. Kya being a little frisky and tried to flirt with Lin. Bumi just followed behind and just smirked.

Once there Zuko looked at the women and smiled at them. It made him feel so old to see them all grown up. Lin was stronger and had a more muscular built but was a beautiufl woman none the less.

Kya was taller of course but had softer features and would break any person's heart. And Izumi, his own daughter.

She had a sharp chin, something she got from his family, and of course she was easy on the eyes. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her. The hall suddenly went quiet as the priests and court got ready.

Suyin was sitting on the bench talking to the boy before she went quiet and waved at Izumi. Izumi waved back and smiled before she got ready.

Suki was standing to the side though she did look a bit older that didnt mean she wasn't beautiful. Zuko stood before the court and swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. It only just hit him that his little girl had grown up and could care for herself... to a certain extent.

"We are gathered here on this special day. This day will mark a new generation, a new world." He took a deep breath and looked at his wife. Mai smiled and watched with pride and happiness in her eyes. "Not only have my friends and I helped return the world to balance but... we each were given children that we can pass the world too." He smiled and his features relaxed. "The newer generation will make great changes, not just for their nation's but for themselves. For the world to better themselves. A 100 years of fighting and now, here we are. Prospering into soemthing greater. We will not know now, but soon we will."

Suki and Sokka's son smiled and let out a happy whoop at that. The court looked back at him and Ridge blushed and shrunk. He was almost as old as Kya but maybe a year younger. Ridge looked a lot like his mother, same skin tone and everything. But his bright blue eyes and personality was Sokka.

Izumi blushed and smiled at him and looked back at Zuko. "It appears that I am for at a loss of words... I am just so overwhelmed with pride for my daughter. I've never met someone with so much spirit and leadership."

With one last inhale he smiled and lead Izumi to stand before the court. "Now a few words from my daughter before she is crowned."

Izumi's hands were trembling as her eyes were watering. Emotions were just hitting her and it was nice. Izumi saw the camera's and heard a few of them go off. Lin saw this and scowled at the cameras. She slipped from view and soon told them off.

Izumi watched this and soon her hearing went back. She gulped as she released a shaky breath. "I am Princess Izumi of the FireNation. I-" she gulped again and Lin smiled at her and nodded her head and told her to take a breath. Izumi followed her movements and kept her eyes on her. "I am honoured to be able to take the throne. I promise to withhold my father's words of keeping peace and I promise to give my Nation a chance to prove themselves and show we are no longer a threat." Lin gave her a thumbs up and went back to sitting down.

"I will uphold the new generation of the FireNation, and promise to keep the citizens safe. To protect my country is what I will do." She gulped and smiled at her mother before she turned and looked over at Suki. "The Kyoshi warriors will always have a place here. Employment and homes will be provided for keeping me safe and my family." Suki beamed with pride and smiled at the woman.

Suki was like a second mom to Izumi, of course there was always a place for her. Izumi looked at the crowd. "There will be a few changes of course but that will be discussed privately, but I will say that our military will ally with Republic City's. We will not break that bond." Everyone in the room was quiet and gave their silent approval with a nod and hum.

"ALL HAIL THE NEW FIRE LORD!!" Yelled the court as Izumi had finished. The people all gathered around outside have bowed as did everyone in the room. Izumi has the flame in her hair before she began to walk down the stairs. Everyone followed her with their eyes and soon she stood before her people. The people have bowed to the ground giving Izumi the respect she deserved.

The love and affection from the people, from her family made her so happy. She bowed to them lightly before she smiled at them. She took her glasses off and lightly dabbed at her eyes to removed any stray tear before she watched the fireworks go off and the confetti fill the sky.

Music began to play and soon people began to line up to greet her and welcome her as the new Fire Lord.

Lina, Kya and Bumi hung back and watch Izumi hold a child and kiss their forehead and wish them luck and then go back to shaking hands. "She's perfect for the job." Lin mused.

Kya nodded in agreement as Bumi hummed. "She really deserved this." Suki smiled and walked up to them.

"Nice to see you kids again. It's been awhile." Lin saw her aunty and beamed as she hugged the woman. Totally losing her facade. Suki was always her favourite aunty while Katara was her second mother.

"Its always nice to see you." Lin said looking at the woman. She was a inch shorter than Lin but barely noticable.

Toph was teasing Suyin in front of the boy. Suyin's face was on fire as Toph told stories of her as a punk child or a crying baby. Suyin huffed and gave up and went to go lead the boy somewhere else.

Sokka pulled Toph into a kiss and smirked. "You should really leave her to her own. I'm sure shes thinking of way to get back at you."

Kya smiled and just watched Lin. Her family was now all together and it just felt right. This was how it was supposed to be.

Izumi, Kya, Lin, Tenzin, Bumi and Ridge went to the beach side. They left the adults at the palace to do whatever the older people did. And Suyin was off with the boy probably kissing.

Izumi was sitting next to the water and just watched the waves. Lin smiled at them and hummed. She sat down next to her and handed her a cup of the drink.

"You were amazing today." Lin said softly. "I'm glad you didn't go into full panic mode." Lin says with a chuckle. She sipped her drink as she loosened a few buttons. She could relax now, they weren't in the public view and it was shot as shit in the FireNation.

Izumi blushed as she stared into her cup. "It wasn't that bad Lin." Muttered. She pouted and looked down at Lin. "I got it, it worked out."

Lin looked at hwr before she rolled her eyes and smiled. "It did work out." She sipped her drink. "So what now?" She asked softly. "I mean... we all have our jobs we wanted and we're all living our lives now."

Lin was sad to have the thoughts drawn on her. Lin was a police officer now and Bumi was in the military, Izumi the fricken Fire Lord, Ridge a Kyoshi warrior and Kya... just living in the moment.

She felt fingers lace with hers and she gulped softly. The soft and warm feeling spread up her arm made Izumi blush. "We do what we always did. Stay together." She whispered softly. Izumi looked into Lin's dark green eyes and squeezed her hand lightly. "We're not dying Lin, we have years to be together."

Ridge yelped as Bumi pinned him down. Kya smirked as she held the alcohol to his lips. "Drink it already!! Lose your drinking virginity Ridge!" She laughed.

Lin blushed and smiled as she caressed her hand lightly before she stood up. She held a hand out to the other. "Let's go join them." She smirked.

Izumi smiled and grabbed Lin's hand and Lon lifted her without effort. Lin lead them to the fire and Lin laughed seeing Kya drowning Ridge in alcohol. Bumi had let go and was on his ass laughing. It was safe to assume they were tipsy. The alcohol their parents had during the dinner was stronger than most. The only ones that seemed the most sober was Lin and Izumi and partially Kya.

Kya finished up when she made Ridge finish the cup. Ridge was panting and wiping his face off as he blushed. He glared at his cousin and wiped his face off.

Bumi and them all gathered around the fire. Kya sat next to Lin on her left and Izumi on the right. Lin smiled as she finished her drink before she asked them to fill it. "So what game do you guys suggest? I'm tired of Never have I ever... you guys get too nasty."

Izumi laughed as she drank hers and looked around. "Well, I dont have any. How about you Kya?"

Kya smiled as she sipped her drink and hummed. She asked for another refill. "Alright you have to drink after every question okay? Cant skip or anything. We just ask questions to a random person okay? I should go first." She looked around the group and then looked at Lin of course. "What's the worst date you ever been on?"

Lin blushed and smiled a sshe looked down. "I didn't like this one, his name was Jin." She shook her head and everyone snickered. "We went to this cheap restaurant and he was cute." Her cheeks flared red.

"Anyways this man orders two big orders of fried noodles, a arctic hen, some stir fry. Just everything on the menu. He was a big dude so of course he'd eat that much." She groaned and shook her head. "This damn idiot then continued to talk with his mouthfull. You can practically see the food spot from his mouth." Bumi began to laugh as Lin huffed and smacked the ground. "That idiot then up and left when I told him to shut his mouth and left me with the 200 yuan dinner." She grumbled as she was heated up again. She sipped dher drink and smirked. "But I did get to arrest him for destruction of property."

Izumi laughed and Lin leaned back a bit. "Hey Ridge, what's the most illegal thing you've ever done and got away with?"

Ridge immediately blushed and shook his head. "No! No! I refuse this question." He avoided Lin's eyes as he blushed. Bumi chuckled and now everyone was looking at him.

"Don't say anything now Ridge and we'll cut your hair off." Bumi got ahold of him and Izumi pulled out her knife.

Ridge tried to squirmed but Lin bended up the sand and solidified it and locked him in place. Ridge screamed as Izumi grabbed his ponytail. She barely even got to touch it before he screamed out again.

"MY BOYFRIEND AND I RAN THROUGH THE STREETS NAKED!!!" Everyone was stunned and Lin was the first to crack up laughing. Lin let the sand go and it turned back to grain.

Lin's face was red as she just lost her mind. Who would've thought her older friend was a streaker. Lin didn't care about his sexuality but Izumi and Kya were surprised.

Bumi let go of him finally the laughter set in and everyone began to laugh. "Did you hear his squeal?!" Kya laughed holding her stomach.

Ridge blushed and threw sand at Lin for asking such a terrible question. "Meanie." He huffed. "Bumi you go." He grumbled.

"Well what's the question?" Bumi asked watching him drink his alcohol.

"I know you at least kissed one of the girls, which one?" He huffed as he fixed his ponytail. He had an under cut and he had tattoos on his head though it was a mix of earth kingdom and water tribe tattoos.

Bumi blushed and looked over at Lin. Lin looked away and held her hand up. "Before you guys ask how let me just say it was my fault." she laughed.

"It was a party meant for any military personal and of course I was invited. I was drunk and I was dared to kiss the first man that bought me a drink. so I hung around the bar and Bumi was being nice and bought me a drink and I kissed him."

Lin rubbed the back of her neck. "Now who's turn-" Kya pretended to gag as she looked between the two.

"Gross!!! Ew!" she teased. Lin glared at her and she laughed.

Bumi laughed at her and hummed. He sipped his beer and looked around for Tenzin. "Anyone seen Tenzin?" Lin nodded.

"He went inside. One of the firebender girls took him." She sighed and rubbed her lip.

Bumi hummed and looked at Izumi. "Izumi, I have a question for you." From his tone of voice Izumi knew it wasn't a good question. Kya seemed to perked up and everyone began to listen in as well.

Izumi lcneched her jaw and sipped her drink lightly. "And... what is it?" She looked at him hoping she didnt need to kill him.

Bumi giggled before her got serious. "If you could kiss anyone in the group who would it be? And if that person accepts it you have to kiss them." That sneaky bastard. Izumi thought ready to kill herself instead.

Ridge bit his lip to bite back a smile as he knew the answer. practically everyone knew the answer except Lin. Lin looked at Izumi, expecting an answer.

Kya gripped Lin's hand ready to protect her. Izumi cursed under her breath and gulped. She released a breath and took her glasses off. She then turned and looked at Lin. "You." Was all she said.

The air was knocked out of Lin and her face burned red. "M-Me?" She began to lean back and look behind her making sure Izumi wasn't talking about Kya.

Izumi squeezed Lin's hand to get her attention. "You... Lin you."

Lin blushed as she had no idea what the hell to do. Just.... Lin squeezed her eyes shut before she leaned forward and kissed Izumi's lips. Lin's lips were surprising soft. Her lips were moisturized, and she appeared to have applied lipstick that because it had smeared all over the others lips.

Izumi leaned into the kiss to deepen Lin pulled back and panted. "N-No." She blushed. Kya pulled her hand out Lin's hand ready to walk away before Lin grasped Kya's hand. Kya stopped and glared down at Lin ready to let go.

Lin pulled Kya down and kissed her lips and Kya exploded. Izumi blushed and watched as she tried to compose herself. It was safe to say Lin was drunk as fuck. Turns out Lin cant hold her alcohol.

Kya gulped as she stared into Lin's eyes as she could feel her ears burn. Lin pulled her fully in the sand and soon broke the kiss and she panted. Her lipstick was all over her lips as she squeezed Kya's hand and Izumi's hand.

"Okay I'm tired now." She mumbled. She stood up and looked st the ladies. "I'm gonna go seep, you're welcome to join." Lin slurred lightly. She stood up and wobbled a bit before Lin was walking off to the palace.

Ridge was so confused but happy, there was no fight that's a plus. Bumi was laughing as he watched the girls in shock. Lin's lipstick was over both of the girls lips before Izumi scampered up and Izumi followed after. Chasing after Lin.

Bumi laughed and sighed as he drank his drink. The night was warm and the fire left the area soft and warm. "Well that was an interesting dilemma dont you think? Did you think Lin swung both ways? I'm glad, she deserves a night."

[shhhhyoursister]

Hey what are you favourite davenzi scenes/moments and what are your favourite Matteo scenes/moments? Hope you’re well!

okay okay okay this has been in my inbox for a lil while and i feel like ive been building up to it but im going to watch some clips and gather some thoughts.....i asked @theyellowcurtains to give me a number limit for each and he said 3 so im gonna do 3 of each otherwise id just write a frame by frame analysis of all of season 3 (im so sorry for how long this post is i have so many thoughts all the time)

im gonna start with matteo moments and im gonna list the season/episode/clip just for clarity okay?? okay (im doing matteo moments that dont include david because i have to go off about that later on)

1. s3ep10cl2- okay okay so the morning after clip is perfect in every single way and i could go off about it for years but beyond all of the davenzi stuff there is the moment when matteo leaves davids room and hes wearing the gray sweater, when laura is dancing??? which is also iconic all on its own but im talking specifically about matteo here, so you know he sits down on that stool thing and hes smiling SO big and hes blushin really hard and then laura sees him and they LAUGH??? and then he claps for her???? if i had to pick id absolutely say that that whole sequence is my fave matteo moment and also kind of interesting and makes me think about the fact that matteo is definitely very shy and quiet but he also has that like,, brat confidence?? i could make an entire post about that but ANYWAY yeah that is the fucking best matteo moment hes so cute and nervous but also totally fine being obvious about the fact that him and david fucked which i think is hilarious but i digress and i MUST move on

2. s3ep8cl2- i do have to say that while im not a HUGE fan of the explanation the video he watched gave of like,, what being trans is, im really glad they included this clip?? like its so obvious that matteo wants to talk to david but doesnt really know what to say, and i love that his first instinct was to start looking stuff up?? like if i was into a cis guy and he told me that he didnt really know about trans stuff but he did RESEARCH?? like thats just really sweet and shows that he really fucking loves david already and just wants to be more informed about what hes,, not to say signing up for but i cant think of a better phrase but yall know what i mean ya know??? its just very very sweet of him!!!!!

3. s3ep8cl4- i think people know about my deep love for hans so of course this clip is going to be one of my favorites?? im going to narrow it down a bit though because the part of this clip that hit me the fucking hardest was when hans asks “what do you like about him?” because the way matteo reacts is just?? so sweet?? at first he looks a little unsure but then when hans repeats himself matteo licks his lips and goes “well, i love his smile” like????? is that not the cutest fucking shit?? he literally swoons and collapses back into the chair cause hes probably imagining it and then he goes off about it being “beautiful” with david and im sure hans is trying not to cry?? and hans ending it with “thats the only thing that really matters, everything else is secondary” and matteo going “thats true” and then laughing a little bit?? i feel like that whole thing was a bit of a turning point for matteo and wow i am,,, so emotional about it

oh my god im so sorry im going off but im about to go off more cause,,, im gonna talk about davenzi moments now

1. s3ep10cl1- okay im just gonna start strong even though i feel like everyone talks about this clip i REALLY wanna talk about it because??? the fact that they showed a fucking sex scene between a trans boy and a gay cis boy is still so fucking iconic and legendary?? while this whole season really changed my life, this scene in particular is so.......it just feels so good to see. like its so nice watching that and seeing someone who looks like me ya know?? not that i look like david god i wish i was that lucky but like,, someone wearing a binder?? someone whos body looks more like mine than any other trans rep ive seen?? and seeing that body being portrayed as DESIRABLE??? i think thats one of the things that gets me the most is just how like,, just how much matteo is into david lol it just feels good feels organic but im gonna stop myself here before i talk for 1000 years about a less than 4min long clip lmao

2. s3ep10cl4- okay so this clip really just highlights the cute beginning flirting stages of their relationship?? like matteo doesnt want to host the party but then he sees david and smiles and then hes smiling like a fool when he hands david the beanie back and theyre both just so awkward but obviously crushing?? and he wants to keep talking so of course hes gonna bring up the time they hung out, and he looks a lil shocked after david says “it was cool with you” and then he like,, stutters through inviting him to the party cause hes probably so nervous!!! theyre both just such big losers with such BIG crushes on each other its really just the cutest fucking clip and also kinda shows that david isnt necessarily just this,, cool dude?? hes also a stuttery blushy dork with a crush?? wow wow its just such a good underrated clip WOW

3. s3ep9cl7- okay okay okay okay okay im sure there are like lenghty analyses about this clip already but i dont care because holy FUCK??? something i didnt really notice about it before was once matteo finally goes up to david hes like “are you fucking serious” but then he sees that david is fuckin spiraling so his voice gets softer and he asks him like “hey whats wrong” and its just a really good set up to the conversation?? and its nice to see that despite matteo probably being kinda angry hes mostly just worried about david?? and then matteo just lets david go OFF at him and only talks when hes trying to tell him that it isnt going to be the same as it was last time but then once he sees that david is getting angrier and louder hes like okay how am i going to get him to listen so of course matteo, the quietest boy in the world, yells back!!!! and yeah thats the thing that finally stops david from working himself up!! and matteo realizes that hes gonna need to be a lil loud and pushy to make david listen to him and then he goes back to being soft once david is paying attention to him!!! and then he talks and he says so much, like much more than he usually does at one time, and god GOD the way they did that was jsut so GOOD!!!!! and the fact that matteo, who appears to be either depressed or apathetic like 90% of the season, is the one that says i love you first??? and during such an emotional and important moment like?? like after going off about how david isnt alone and that hes really great and jsut needs to stop hiding himself away LIKE???? guys its jsut so so good its just so good i could talk for years but im gonna cut myself off here

honorable mentions cause i cant shut the fuck UP:

1. when theyre looking at davids sketchbook and david is like “these are private actually all of them are private” and matteo is like “well you already showed them to me it doesnt matter” and then he giggles like damn no question why david had such a huge crush on him immediately hes such a cutie

2. “its not a girl”

3. ill just say the whole cuddle clip?? the tender/feral dichotomy?? absolutely *chefs kiss* just fucking perfect

4. THE FIRST KISS??? also gotta say i noticed something for the first time the other night but matteo SMILES and i hadnt seen it before its right after david says “i bet i can hold my breath longer than you” and then the angle changes and he smiles before holding his breath and it killed me when i saw it whoops

5. final shout out along the same lines as ^^ that one but just?? anytime matteo smiles?? fills me with serotonin. the smile in the final clip right before david runs over to kiss him?? the smiles when hes fuckin around with the boys?? every single lil nervous crushy smile with david??? i could go on but im going to stop this now before i say any more this is already too long

[nyxi-styx]

It’s hard joining a new fandom sometimes

I’m just going to take a minute to vent a little bit of my feelings and I honestly don’t care if anyone reads this.

At 25 years old (24 when I started getting dragged into it all), I thought I was “too old” to be a YouTube fan. It was, after all, rather after my time. Established in 2005, I didn’t really experience anything on YouTube until about 2007-2008. Back then it was meme-y BS like Shoop-da-Whoop, “Shoes”, Charlie the Unicorn, and Potter Puppet Pals. As I grew older, YouTube seemed like something better left to teens. Maybe use it to look up a music video or something instructional and then fall down a Slow-Mo Guys or choreography rabbit hole. Still not a fandom. The closest I came to such was binge-watching Rob Dyke’s WWYPTOTI series and Twisted Tens series.

At Indy PopCon 2016, I was there with friends to see a guest (and caught glimpses of a passing Kevin Smith as I was so that was badass). Two of my friends were already in the YouTube culture world and fans of Markiplier and Dan & Phil. While we were having a snack and playing a card game, they spotted Wade (THE LordMinion777) taking some photos with fans int eh same food court area. I went over and took the photo of them with him, having no idea who this dude was. Less than a month later, (I’d say about 2 weeks) one of those two friends finally introduced me to Markiplier. I don’t remember the reasoning, but she showed me I Am Bread first. It was funny. I liked it. I didn’t think I’d get as into it as she did. However, curiosity had the better of me and I went to my room that night and watched him play ALL of OctoDad: Dadliest Catch. I laughed so hard I cried and that sold it for me. I fell in love. Of course, I had known a little about him due to gratuitous gifs and photos all over this godforsaken hellsite and I always thought he seemed like a nice, genuine person. Overtime, I just kept watching. I got to know about Bob and Wade and Team Edge. I fell in love with Chica. I just really enjoyed myself. Of course, I knew a little bit about JackSepticEye too, but I though being a Markiplier fan was about as deep into YouTube fandom as I was going to get.

About February, I saw a recommended playlist of JSE videos on an unrelated site. At this point, the post with the playlist was about 4 months old. I decided to go ahead and watch it, just to try something new. Naturally, I fell in love. I loved Jack more than I love Mark soon enough, not through any fault of Mark or anything. He’s still a wonderful person. I just loved that Jack was jsut unabashedly, fully, enjoying himself and nerding out and THEN doing the “professional” thing and reviewing the game whereas Mark would try to review while playing and get distracted by his own emotions and reactions. Not that that is a bad thing. That doesn’t mean Jack is better than Mark. I love them both SO much, but I find it easier to connect with Jack that way because that’s how I am too. I think that’s how most of us are. Once again, I thought this was as deep into YouTube fandom as I was going to get. I caught up with most of their videos (both Mark and Jack). The ones that interested me anyway. And then I would go back and forth and catch up on their latest. So, naturally, I got to know Tyler and Ethan too.

Unfortunately- and I feel like dirt admitting this, like I feel so fucking guilty and that’s why I’m venting here- I paid a lot of attention to Tyler and Mark and not a whole lot to Ethan. I didn’t have anything against him at all. He was funny and adorable. I just... *shrug*. But eventually, his self-deprecating jokes about “my channel is dying” started echoing in my head. And I found myself going “Why?” I knew they would tease him about his opening (which I think is a little unfair since it happens to be joked about more than Mark’s or Jack though there’s are targeted too) and that was about it. So, I finally went and I hit that subscribe button and waited until I had a little bit of time to really check out the content.

I finally sat down and opened the Crank Gameplays channel and started saving playlists of content that I found interesting. I don’t remember where exactly I started but I was kind of like “Okay. Cool. Cool. I mean there’s a lot of similarities between YouTube gamers, so how much can you really do?” But then I saw the video of Ethan and his brother singing “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” and I was like “Wow! He can sing! He’s got a really nice voice! It’s kind of that rugged jazzy, folks-y type voice. He kinda reminds me of like... Train or Matt Nathanson. Neato.” But then in ‘recommended’ came a video (I assume a clip from a livestream) of Ethan playing ukulele and covering “Can’t Help Falling In Love”. If there’s one thing I’m a sucker for, it’s Elvis songs.

I watched that video and fell. in. LOVE. Instant stan. I don’t know what it was but I just... couldn’t help falling in love. Haha.

Like I do, I instantly tried to find out a lot about him as if to play catch up. I was surprised to find out he’s a bit younger than me. But he’s got the same birthday as my dad (three days before mine and 3 days after my favourite actor) so of course I thought that was pretty freaking cool.

Maybe it’s because I always root for the underdog and the secondary characters... maybe it’s because blue is my favourite colour... maybe it’s because I am a sucker for hazel eyes... maybe it’s because I always fall for the biggest dork... I don’t know. I can’t pinpoint it, but Ethan is so wildly different from Mark and Jack. They’re all super nice, super genuine guys, but something about Ethan tugs at my heartstrings way more.

Whatever it is, I’m happy to be here. I’m happy to watch him grow and succeed in the next year. And I’m SO excited to have the chance to meet him at Indy PopCon 2018.

The thing is, though... I feel... like I don’t belong here. In Mark’s fandom, I really am just a number. Nobody notices. Nobody cares. In Jack’s fandom... well, the Overnight Watch was my first foray into community interaction and I was so surprised and overwhelmed by how welcome I was. Like it didn’t matter how long I had been a fan, what mattered was that I was a fan and I was happy to be interacting. And it’s nice to be a part of a fandom in which there’s little to no toxicity and drama and hatred amongst fans. It’s nice to be completely accepted.

In Ethan’s fandom... well, I’ve been here all of about a week... and I feel like I’m trying too hard. Like I shouldn’t be in this community because everyone else has been here longer. Everyone else understands more. Everyone else is better than me. I don’t matter.

This is why it’s nice to have @markidarkimoo as a friend. She stans with me no matter who or what.

The worst of it all in these three fandoms is that I can’t make fanart. I am shit at mood/aesthetic boards. I CAN make video edits, but my current laptop will not support my preferred software and I can’t afford a better laptop for a while. I am shit at photo edits.

I just... I can’t do anything worthwhile. I see all this other amazing work that all of the rest of you put out and I just... feel so insignificant.

Being part of a “big box” fandom like Supernatural or Marvel or Sherlock is easy for me because they’re all fictional characters and people eat up fanfic like they’re starving to death. Doesn’t matter if I can’t fan art. I can contribute to the fandom and show my love by making stories.

YouTube is different. It’s not based on fictional characters (Jack’s Egos and Darkiplier aside), it’s based all on real people. I can’t fanfic that unless it’s reader insert and that’s not something for the creators to see (*if they ever do, please kill me*) and enjoy.

I don’t know... I just feel pretty useless. These fandoms are smaller than the “big box” fandoms so I feel like I have to contribute something in order to properly show my love and appreciation and gratitude. But I can’t. I’m just useless. I’m just a blip.