#but like. they're anonymous. i don't know if the asker is still around to see the ask be answered

[official-lucifers-child]

*staring at an ask someone sent on may 26, 2022* should i answer this? would this person still follow me? are they even still on tumblr at all?

[lemotmo]

🤣😬 yeah they're just unlike anything I have ever seen.

Q. Still think they aren't trolling? They're so embarrassing around one another and the fact that you all find it cute and not highly unprofessional and gross tells us all we need to know about you all. As inappropriate as their behavior is they still must be so mortified by you all and that says a lot. Yes podcasts and journalists and the marketing team love them but they are not canon. But try harder to intimidate people into submission.

A. Okay I'm going to answer this and then no more from you all because you're truly a level of deranged that I have never encountered in all my years of fandom life. Seriously, intimidating? Who am I trying to intimidate? I don't care that you're offended by the fact they're friends. I don't care that you believe they're trolling you (they aren't. I promise they don't think about you all). I don't care that you all feel 'attacked' by the content we got last week. I get it. It was a bad week for you all. And you finished the bad week with confirmation that your guy wants absolutely nothing to do with you. He thinks you are just as unhinged as the rest of us do. And instead of taking the hint you all decided to double down on your crazy and go after his sister. Proving he was correct in deciding to ignore you all. Nothing the show is doing is about or for Tommy. I know it. You know it (which is why you all are spiralling all over our ask boxes). Nobody cares. And that's the real problem for you all. We don't care. Oliver doesn't care. Ryan doesn't care. The show doesn't care. You are going to get to see him in season 8 in some capacity but then he's going to be gone. I don't like a single thing about the man but I will be forever grateful that his pathetic attention seeking weeded you all out of the fandom. I have no doubt that you all will try to make things as miserable as possible once his character is shown the door, but I won't care about you then either. I'm done giving you attention. Episode 7x4 was about Eddie. Everything that came after was about how differently Eddie sees and deals with Buck compared to all the other people he has dated. And every single one of you knows it. And that is pure satisfaction on my part. You know it. You see it. You try so hard to pretend it's anything else that you end up proving all of our points even further. Everyone is done with you. And now that even includes the man you all started all of this for. Which is absolutely hilarious. Bye now. I'm going back to enjoying my show.

Thank you Nonny.

I swear, each time I get one of these asks I am more baffled. How is it gross that two actors on a TV-show genuinly like each other and like spending time together? What planet do these people live on? This is called 'friendship'. Look it up in a dictionary if you have never heard of it.

Oh and the anon asker is right, Buddie aren't canon... YET. Give them some time. They'll get there. ;)

As for Ali's answer to this truly bizarre question?

Mic drop once again! All the way!

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[galexis-void]

"The Thrill of the Chase" (Ratmeat)

A/N: This one took me a while, I kinda just made it up as I went. This was more self-indulgent than anything (I'm hyperfixated as heck right now) but I hope anyone who reads still enjoys it.

Also I did use Google Translate for a few lines because I don't know Latin, so if it's wrong I'm sorry.

Summary: Dexter has a way to swap between doll form and human form, but neither of those will spare them from Bob's ler mood.

Trigger warnings: None that I can think of

Reminder: These stories are not built on logic. They're made to entertain, not to make sense. Also, be prepared if the characters here are out of character completely (again, the intention is not to be perfect).

Credit goes to @eunchancorner and their anonymous askers for the idea!

(fic below the cut)

     Dexterfella absently fiddled with the pendant around their neck. It still hadn’t completely sunk in that they were in possession of a powerful tool. According to the person who had procured the charm for them, it would allow them to swap between the Happy Fella doll their disembodied soul had taken up residence in, and a temporary reconstruction of their original body.

     In somewhat shorter form, Dexterfella could become Dexter Erotoph whenever they chose, for a limited time, but as many times as they wanted.

     As Dexterfella grasped the pendant, they paused to admire the intricate details. The charm was a brass-colored pendulum with a ring of tiny opals set around the center. Various symbols and phrases written in an unidentified language decorated the rest. There were no English characters, nor were there any recognizable foreign characters.

     Dexterfella closed their eyes, and quietly hummed a low “A” note to themself. After five seconds, they muttered the phrase the charmgiver had instructed them to use.

     Ad te voco, vim fortiorem vita ipsa. Ego me restituo.

     A sharp tingle shot up their back, and their hands began to quiver. The wooden floor seemed to fall away from them, and some kind of haze began to cloud their peripherals. No matter how many times they did this, they would never get used to it.

     After about forty five seconds or so, the haze receded, and the ground had stopped moving. They placed their hands on the ground to steady themself, and was relieved to feel the cold hardwood beneath their palms. Just to be certain, they rose to their feet from their crouched position, and noted that the floor was much further away. Feeling along their face yielded a more rectangular jawline, and a pair of glasses resting on their forehead that hadn’t previously been there. The ritual was complete.

     Dexter flexed a hand, eyes scanning over their fingers to make sure nothing had changed. Even though this body had always been theirs, it still felt odd to return to. After everything, while they didn’t necessarily prefer the doll form, it felt more familiar to them at this point than their own body did. Really went to show how long they’d been displaced, they thought.

     The sound of footsteps didn’t deter them from glancing in the wall mirror, though they were just oblivious enough to jump at Bob’s voice. “Wh- oh. Didn’t expect to see ya like this today.”

     Dexter ran a hand through their hair, hoping that Bob wouldn’t notice what a rat nest it was. “Yeah, I’m still not used to it either.”

     “Don’t worry about your hair. You’re still handsome.”

     Dexter couldn’t even respond to that without sounding ridiculous. They could already feel their face burning. Subconsciously they hugged themself, glancing off to the side so they wouldn’t have to see Bob’s smug grin. “Shut up.”

     As soon as those words left their mouth, they knew they’d screwed up big time. And Bob’s falsely offended gasp sealed their fate.

     “What did you just say to me?” he questioned, his tone quiet but lethal. Even though he was only playing around, it was still kind of scary.

     “N-nothing! I didn’t say anything-” that was all Dexter could sputter out before the wind whooshed out of them. They’d been so focused on trying to remedy their mistake that they hadn’t noticed Bob approaching.

     And now they were on the floor, with a very large and very smug man sitting beside them.

     “You seem a little on edge,” Bob teased, his eyes boring directly into Dexter’s. “I think I can help with that…”

     Dexter held their breath.

     “Tell me, did you know that being tickled reduces stress?”

     And he attacked, viciously sinking his claws into Dexter’s sides, eliciting a loud shriek from his victim, which quickly devolved into squealing laughs.

     “This’ll teach ya to talk to me that way,” Bob chuckled, and dug his fingers into Dexter’s belly. “Coochie coo~”

     The baby talk only embarrassed Dexter more. “S-SHUHUHUT-”

     “Are ya tellin’ me to shut up again?” Bob questioned, leaning over so his face was directly above Dexter’s. “Clearly I’m bein’ too lenient… I’m gonna have to up my game.”

     Apparently “upping his game” entailed scooping his flustered partner from the floor and holding them against himself while he went ham on the poor exterminator’s ribs and smothered their neck with kisses and light nibbles.

     “NOOOHAHAHA! *snort* I-IHAHAHA! *snort* A-ACCIPE ME!”

     And suddenly Dexter transformed, shrinking and folding in on themself until they settled back into doll form, enabling them to easily slip out of Bob’s grip. Dexterfella hit the ground running, daring to yell “Catch me if you can!” at Bob, who was still trying to figure out what had just happened.

     It took Bob a second, but he slowly rose to his feet, his bemused expression contorting into a borderline predatory grin. “So it’s a chase ya want, eh?” he said, mostly to himself. “Well then, I’m more than happy to oblige.”

     Dexterfella had to admit, they really hadn’t thought this through. Did they really just back themselves into a game of cat and mouse with a serial killer? Yeah, real smart. They remembered that Bob would tell them stories of his rookie days, when he’d played chase with his victims. He spoke highly of these memories, reliving every gory detail with great excitement.

     That only reinforced the fact that this was a complete and utter mistake.

     Dexterfella ducked under an end table to consider their options. If they kept running, maybe Bob would tire out. Hiding would be a mistake. No, it was better to run. In doll form they’d have no lack of stamina, and they could only hope that Bob wouldn’t outlast them.

     They heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps, and they knew Bob was hot on their heels. They counted to five, then tore off at a sprint. They didn’t look back, they just kept their gaze ahead.

     Which quickly proved to be their third mistake of the day, as they were quickly scooped up from behind.

     They squeaked in surprise, automatically glancing over their shoulder. There was Bob’s smug face, grinning down at them. “I thought ya knew better than to underestimate me. You’ve really done it this time.”

     Dexterfella tried to squirm out of his grasp. “Let go of me!!”

     “Hmmm. Nah, I don’t think I will. And since you were so rude to me today, I’m gonna make sure ya get what ya deserve.”

     Bob shifted his grip, now holding the doll with both hands. There was a beat of silence as they locked eyes, before Bob made his move. He nestled his face into the other’s plush belly, occasionally pausing to nibble a random spot. All the while, poor Dexterfella was overcome with hysterical squealing and very exaggerated snorts. “GAHAHAHAHAHH! *snrk* N-NNOOOOO! *snort* THIS IS SUHUHUCH BULLSH- *snrk* HEHEHEHE!!”

     “Good god, after all this ya still won’t watch your mouth!” Bob chided lightheartedly. “No matter. Just gives me a chance to tickle ya more. Not that I need an excuse~”

     Dexterfella knew resistance was pointless. Not only did Bob have the size and strength advantage, but any willpower they had completely died once the tickles started. They could deal with a lot of stuff, but they were completely useless against tickles.

     For all of three seconds, Dexterfella was given a chance to catch their breath, but their relief quickly turned to panic when they realized why - Bob had briefly withdrawn to take a very exaggerated inhale. They tried to brace themself, but no amount of premeditation could stop them from almost screaming as Bob blew a very loud and obnoxious raspberry into their stomach. BBBBBTTTTT!

     Unfortunately for Dexterfella, they were so small in this form that the raspberry affected more than just the targeted area - their whole body shook with ticklish jolts as they struggled to breathe. “AAAAIIIIEEEE! NO MORE! NO MOHOHOHORE! MERCYYY! I GIVE! UNCLE!!”

     Possibly sensing their fatigue, this time Bob relented. His evil smirk had changed to a considerably softer one, as he pulled the doll against his chest. “Alright, alright, I think you’ve had enough. But if you’re ever rude to me again…”

     Dexterfella got the point, gratefully sinking into Bob’s embrace. Before, they’d been very averse to being held or touched, but being transfigured into a child’s toy seemed to change that. Now it was one of their favorite comforts. “I get it, I get it. *huff* Was the raspberry *wheeze* necessary?”

     “‘Course it was! Ya really thought I was just gonna pass up that opportunity?”

     The day was finally catching up with Dexter, and it showed. They no longer had the energy to argue with Bob, which was rare. Instead they leaned into his embrace, resting their head under his chin and beginning to slowly drift off. They heard a low chuckle as Bob said something to them quietly. They couldn’t hear what it was, but that was okay.

     Even though they hadn’t expected to end up here today, they wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

-END-