#but lately I've been feeling kinda dysphoric

[quasieli]

I'm a lil :/ rn. I reached out to a medical center that specializes in trans care to maybe speak to a therapist/counselor about my thoughts and feelings re: medical transition. They just got back to me and it is stupidly expensive, and they straight up said it cannot be reimbursed by my insurance :( I'm sure there's a lot more options out there that I can look into but just annoyed rn.

[wittymumbledon]

With how much gravity falls stuff I’ve been working on lately it’s taken me a while to get around to finishing this (long enough for me to nearly finish reading over the first “season” for the third time in a row) but here it is!! A double-page spread dedicated to @ckret2’s golden-haired menace, because I wanted NEEDED to show my appreciation for this fucking amazing AU ✨

Figuring out how to translate Goldie into my style was really fun--I tried to stay true to the original, but kinda subconsciously also added elements from my own Bill which I think is neat (namely the angular smile and triangular brows). I dunno why I gave him That One Curl (TM) but once I noticed it I tried to carry it through all the pics--the hair as a whole was really fun, especially messing around with the textures when it was--well, say, messy.

I redrew some of my fav frames/story moments (plus a couple extras: the cleaning one is inspired by when i was cleaning irl, and realized that Goldie made me feel a lot less dysphoric about wearing leggings and tank tops 'round the house. Thus - in tribute to the irony - Bill gets my leggings fdfhjdfhdf)

but that barely even scratches the surface of just the pure, gloriously hilarious chaos that this beast has to offer-- not to mention the simple fact that it is just. REALLY well written: the attention to details from the books, the comics, and the show itself; the way each character is visibly flawed in some way, be it with their morals, or their actions, or the soundness of their morals; the way each chapter healthily mixes random show-like chaos with genuinely useful info that later BEAUTIFULLY Chekov Gun's itself right back into the culmination of each saga -- it all feels so aware and true to canon and so, so, SO beautifully ALIVE. Dare I say it is one of my absolute favourite fanworks that I've ever read.

Speaking of which - if you’ll excuse me - I have some chapters to catch up on. Like I said - I’ve specifically held off reading the latest ones so that i’d finish the fanart faster and so that i’d have an excuse to make more. looking at you - bill’s abomikini /hj

If you've made it through my lil essay there I appreciate it so much <3

Bonus: I wove a lil bracelet inspired by the one Mabel made for Bill✨

Didn’t have the right colours of embroidery thread on hand so I used yarn instead, but that actually ended up working perfectly with the beads I had (just plain ol' blue ones, cause I wasn’t sure if using nazar beads would have been culturally insensitive or not - nor did I have any nazar beads that I could have used in the first place - but hey! these ones are nice and shiny and the colour works well imo)

[angst-is-yumyum]

possesion era hc

!!TW for misgendering and doing bad dysphoric shit to trans people as a form of torture!! (bill during ford's paranoid era)

ok so kinda unsettling but im trans and having a bad time and I keep thinking about this

what if ford, who is trans (either way), in addition to all the terrible things bill did to him during the paranoia era (nailing his hand to a desk, making him do embarrassing things, inflicting awful pain all while controlling his body) also did things to ford's body that were bad and caused him to have awful dysphoria.

If ford was transmasc, bill could do things like destroy his binders /packers or purposefully hurt his rib/chest area in a way that would never allow him to safely get top surgery. He get a could tattoo of something terrible (like a slur or something suggestive), as we've already seen he has no qualms with disrespecting his body like that.If ford were on T he could flush them or cancel any further orders of them. He could fill ford's things with 'girly' stuff or make him wake up with dysphoric outfits...just overall bad stuff.

If ford was transfem, bill could, again, destroy any breast padding/fake boobs, throw away tucking stuff, makeup, etc. He could make disparaging comments on ford's appearance via sticky note on the bathroom mirror, which he already does, but these target her voice, body hair, and clothing. again, real bad stuff. (I'm not transfem so this is my best guess sorry)

Anyways, just some thoughts...I've been looking at lots of trans pines family stuff lately and this just logically seems like something bill would do. bonus points when ford's internalized transphobia (from growing up in the 60's/70's/80's combined with this gives him some insecurities that are fixes with lots of fluff and family hugs post-weirdmaggedon (and you KNOW bill would bring it up during weirdmageddon)

anyways billford in a "extremely toxic ex who did horrible things to his bf and cant get over the divorce but i love the angst and also maybe the marraige au by @ honeqq"

but fiddauthor TRUTH in a "god theyre meant for each other and they grow old not quite together but its the healthy old man yaoi / college yaoi we need and deserve also could fiddleford please be in a beard couple relationhip plsssss it would make me feel much better"

[atticssmellgood]

I have a request!

I've been feeling super super dysphoric lately and haven't been able to find a fic that just scratches my brain in the right way, and I was wonder if I could request a Spencer Reid x ftm reader where the reader is feeling super dysphoric bc they're pre transition, like no binder level and Spencer helps them feel better with like little words of affirmation shit u know, nothing like super specific you can have creative freedom just definitely words of affirmation

thank you so much!!

To Carry the Weight of a Dead Person with You

Spencer Reid x ftm trans!reader

Summary: Reader feels really dysphoric, Spencer helps

Contains: gender dysphoria, slight mention of misgendering/dead name, hurt/comfort, words of affirmation, slight mention of body parts that could make someone feel dysphoric

A/N: HEY!!! Okay so sorry this took forever to post but I’ve actually been wanting to write this concept for a while, so I’m really glad you requested it! I kinda based this off of my own experiences with gender dysphoria so I hope it still resonates. I hope this makes you feel better🫶🏻 also the title of this is a lyric from “Sweet Cis Teen” by dazey and the scouts

(ALSO LOOK AT HIM HES SO CUTE)

You stand, naked in front of the bathroom mirror, steam from your previous shower fogging up the edges and making the air feel heavy.

It was hard taking a shower when you couldn’t even look down at your own body, and sometimes you succeeded—albeit with a bit of effort. Today was, unfortunately, not one of those days.

Your reflection seemed to beckon you to take a glance when you walked by it and towards the door, it always did. Except today, you listened.

Who knows how long you’ve been standing there, staring at all the parts that just didn’t fit. Your chest that wasn’t flat, your hips that were too wide, your waist that had a curve. None of it felt familiar despite the fact that you’ve lived with this body your entire life.

This week had been especially hard to deal with, the dysphoria practically eating at your insides whenever you had a moment alone with your thoughts. It certainly didn’t help when almost everywhere you went, people just saw you as a woman with short hair and in turn you would get called ma’am by a barista or miss by a stranger trying to catch your attention. You hated it, and yet no matter how hard you tried to ignore them, the thoughts and the comments, you always gave in eventually.

Maybe that’s why you felt stuck, staring at a reflection that you never really recognized as your own. The thoughts began to swarm your mind once more, repeating the one word you hated more than anything.

Girl, girl, girl, girl, gi-

A sudden knock on the bathroom door ripped you away from your trance and a sweet voice spoke to you through the barrier.

“Y/n, you okay in there?” Spencer asked tentatively. He seemed to be a little worried.

You’re quick to respond as you finally turn away from the mirror and crack open the door a bit so your body is hidden behind it but your face is still visible. “Yeah, I’m alright.” You plaster on a smile, one that you hope convinces him of your statement. He looks a little skeptical at first but smiles back.

“Sorry, you were just taking a while and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He leans in and gives you a small peck on the lips “I’ll leave you alone now.” He grins and turns to leave, walking back to the bedroom.

You close the door and lean your forehead against it with a sigh, closing your eyes, water droplets still dripping from your hair and onto your bare shoulders.

—————————

Not too long after Spencer came to check on you, you emerged from the bathroom dressed in a baggy shirt and large sweatpants. Your moment in the bathroom still clung to the back of your mind as you stepped into the shared bedroom, the door creaking slightly.

You leaned up against the doorframe and smiled at the sight before you. Spencer was sitting against the headboard with his glasses on, reading through a novel rather quickly. He seemed so engrossed in the words on the page that he hadn’t even noticed you watching him, admiring how the dim light of the lamp on the bedside table highlighted his features perfectly. It warmed your heart to see him waiting for you to come to bed, despite how tired he probably was from his eventful day at work.

I padded over to my side of the bed and slowly laid down, not wanting to disturb him. My efforts were in vain however, because as soon as he felt the mattress dip under my weight, he was quick to close the book and turn to me.

“Feel better?” He asks quietly, staring at me with a sleepy smile.

I nod and give him a kiss on the cheek before laying down completely. He took that as a sign to say no more and turn off the lamp light, effectively shrouding the room in darkness. You felt his arm wrap around your waist and pull you closer to him so you were cuddling.

He looked at your face for a second and brushed a piece of your hair back gently. “Your new haircut looks amazing…” he complimented, messing with the now short strands and smiling. When you didn’t say anything back his gaze seemed a little worried.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” His voice was soft and his hand was placed gently on your cheek, his thumb rubbing across the apple of it.

“I’m fine sweetheart, really.” You tell him, although it was a lie. Your thoughts still ate at your mind as you lay there in his embrace. Usually they would’ve gone away by now but it seemed as though they were here to stay this time.

His slight frown indicated that he knew you were lying but he didn’t push you any further on the subject. If you wanted to tell him, you would.

Soon enough, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, his steady breathing signifying his slumber.

After watching him for a bit, you turned over so your back was facing him, his arm still wrapped around you. You try to close your eyes and let sleep pull you under but instead you were stuck staring at the wall, unable to quiet your mind.

As time ticked on and your eyes stayed open, you fell deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole of self-consciousness and dysphoria. You found yourself hearing those same words, over and over and over again, repeated like a mantra in your head.

Girl, her, (dead name), woman, ma’am

This time, you could feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes but you made an effort to keep them at bay so you didn’t wake Spencer. You didn’t want him to see you crying over something so stupid. But it wasn’t until you looked down that you couldn’t help but let out a small sob.

Spencer’s arm had tightened around you in his sleep, effectively pulling the baggy shirt you wore tighter around your body. It now showed the swell of your chest and the curve of your waist as you laid on your side.

The tears started rolling down your face, then. You clamped a hand over your mouth to muffle the sobs but you couldn’t stop the way your body was shaking. You felt Spencer move a little behind you, stirring from his sleep due to the sobs wracking your body.

“Y/n?” He mumbles groggily from behind. You quickly wipe your eyes in a poor attempt to hide your little breakdown and turn over to face him.

You sniff and attempt a small smile “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” You say, your voice cracking slightly and more tears escaping from your eyes.

Spencer quickly but gently pulls you closer to him and wipes your tears with his free hand. His expression is one of concern and softness.

“What happened?” He asks quietly, looking into your eyes with nothing but love.

“Nothing, nothing, I’m fine really…” more tears streak down your face as you continue to lie.

“No, it’s not,” he says as he moves your hair out of your face again “please talk to me, love. I want to help you.”

You finally let the useless facade fall as you bury your head in his shoulder and let it all out.

He strokes your hair softly as you cry on him, wetting his sleep shirt with your tears and shaking in his arms.

After a short while your tears begin to dry a little and you pull back to look at him. He doesn’t say anything but he keeps you close and waits for you to speak.

“I-…” I take in a shaky breath “Why don’t I fit, Spencer?” You ask quietly, your voice wavering.

“Why can’t I look in the mirror and not hate the way my chest isn’t flat or the way my face is too round?” You ask again. You can feel your eyes getting wet again when you speak. “Why couldn’t I have been a boy?”

He strokes your hair lightly and his eyes widen in understanding.

He pulls you to his chest and kisses your head.

“Sweetheart, listen to me,” he looks down at you with a gentle expression “You are a boy, no matter what body you’re in.” He smiles softly.

“It doesn’t matter if your chest isn’t flat or your face is too round, you’ll always be my handsome, dashing, loving boyfriend,” he kisses your forehead “and I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

You sniffle a little bit “It would be nice if I could at least pass though, I just hate it so much…” a few more tears escape your eyes

“I know, but you know what?” He lifts your chin up gently so you can look in his eyes “I’ll be here to help you through your transition, every step of the way.” He smiles and wipes your tears away once more.

“But I want you to know that you already pass perfectly fine in my eyes.” He chuckles and kisses your lips softly, stroking your cheek.

You feel a little better when he says those words, and you nuzzle your head into his neck, mumbling a small “thank you”

He kisses the top of your head again and you both stay there for a moment, soaking up the warmth and love that was filling your small bedroom as he peppers kisses all over you and plays with your hair.

Spencer is the one to break the silence with a small yawn and a whisper.

“You know, I really meant what I said about your hair,” he mumbles as he twirls a strand around his finger “it makes you look even more handsome than usual….” He smiles and you feel a grin coming to your face too.

“There it is…” he chuckles warmly as he pulls back to look at your face with soft eyes.

“I love you so much, you know that?” He whispers, snuggling to you close once again. You smile even wider as he says that.

“I love you more…”

You end up falling asleep like that, cuddled up in Spencer’s arms as he whispers sweet compliments to you, running his slender fingers through your hair.

You knew that you would still have these days, the ones that caused you to break down with just one look in the mirror, but you felt happy regardless.

Because you knew Spencer would be there to give you those small compliments that made you feel so much better in your own skin.

Every step of the way.

[moth-bitez]

I told myself this would just be a sketch account but fuck it I may post more finished pieces on here every now and then.

I wanted to try making a digital painting with Nick since I don't paint often or try to render things.

I'm kinda half and half about this piece but I spent like six hours of my life on it so it's gonna be posted

This was actually really fun to work on and it came out way better than I thought it would! I really wanted an excuse to draw Nick's top surgery scars because I wanted some trans joy in my life. I've been really dysphoric lately so I'm living vicariously through Nick wooo

I was tempted to draw him with his wings but I did NOT feel like trying to render that so no wings for him

[transenbyconfessions]

I'm feeling so conflicted. So I've had short hair and I've been dressing more masc for a while now, even though sadly I am still seen as feminine. But my parents have been more and more annoying about the way I dress and they have forced me to grow my hair out a bit (it's still above my shoulders). And the occasional comments from other family about how my haircut doesn't fit etc. It's just been really discouraging lately. On one hand I feel more comfortable this way while I'm still stuck at home, but sometimes it feels like it'll be easier to stop hearing these comments if I caved in and looked more fem again. But I know that I would fucking hate it and feel so dysphoric about it. So I don't know I'm kinda stuck in an "always feeling shit" limbo.

Submitted July 6, 2023

[uncanny-tranny]

i was wondering if you had any advice on dealing with dysphoria? mines been getting worse lately, especially chest, and i feel shitty about things i never even used to. like specifically my face shape and like general way it looks, i literally never used to get any dysphoria about it and now its like happening kinda often. i have no idea why its happening and like no masc makeup or anything is really working. so yeah any advice you have would be awesome.

I'm going to be honest, it's perfectly normal to have these sorts of things happen, even if there's no "reason" or nothing seems to work. I want to preface with that because it's really important to realize that sometimes this happens, and it isn't your fault.

The things that might work for you may look different than what I or others do, too, and that is completely fine. Do whatever you find most beneficial. I'm not an expert and I the things I suggest have worked for me and a few others, but that by no means means that you have to do them.

Here are a few things I have done:

Covering mirrors, especially before showers

On the topic of showers, being sure to have a barrier (e.g. washcloth, loofah) between your hands and your body soap

Wearing clothes that are the least dysphoria-heavy or clothing that fits in ways that don't trigger more negative emotions (I found baggier clothing helps me both dysphoria-wise and in general)

Making sure all your emotions about this go somewhere, like a journal. Basically, have a place for you to process everything you feel. I've got old journals filled with entries that are just rambling about how I felt about being pre-transition. It didn't solve the issue, but it did give me an outlet where I could articulate exactly what I felt, so I wasn't as confused or lost by emotions I couldn't process through.

Finding healthy ways that invest in yourself, physically and mentally. I've found that when I am kept occupied with things that make me feel fulfilled, I am able to process through those negative feelings. It doesn't mean you run away from them, and you can certainly still feel dysphoric as hell after, and that is okay, but it means that you fill your life with a variety of experiences.

Surround yourself with a variety of different people and bodies. This one really helped me out personally, just because seeing other people who look just like me was really eye-opening and made me realize that I'm not uniquely less masc or whatever else

Don't discount how you feel. Give yourself as much space as you need to understand where you're coming from, and let yourself feel everything you are able. It's okay to feel a variety of emotions. They are neutral at worst.

This one is best done after you feel a bit better, but I've found learning about my dysphoria triggers really helped me understand how I was feeling and why I got in a bad spot. It's helpful to know exactly what can make symptoms worse or less manageable.

I hope I didn't overwhelm you with these points. Dysphoria fucking sucks sometimes, and I just want to offer you the knowledge that you aren't alone in your experiences. I hope something here may make you think about what works for you specifically. There isn't a universal answer to how dysphoria works in others, and I just want you to know that if you find something wildly different that helps, that is okay. I just hope you are safe and okay. My best regards go to you, I wish you peace. If anybody else wants to share some of their own tips, that would be lovely, too, because having multiple different ideas is a great thing.

[asiancatboy]

my manager is really sweet actually

so i used to rarely put cams on in our small group calls, it took me a good couple of months to do it consistently even when i have nothing to add to the meeting

but we've now switched out our small morning stand-ups for an official wider department stand-up of maybe 20 ppl & there's this one woman there who has taken charge of the meetings for some reason (idek what her role is or what she does, she just loves to talk & is pushy abt everything tbh) & lately she's been insisting that everyone turn on their cams. like literally will not let the meeting start until every. single. person. has their cams on & makes passive aggressive comments abt being fickle abt appearance or whatever & just straight up names & shames ppl it's kinda ridiculous

anyway this morning the dysphoria was so bad i just couldn't do it & i was stressing bc literally nobody cares like it's just a camera it's just a face but then she makes a pointed statement & now well damn everyone's waiting it's getting awkward i'm stressed if i turn my camera on now does it just make me look like i've just been stubborn or does it mean i'm just not pushing myself enough like it's just a 15 minute meeting should i have to push myself do i need to ask for an official exemption will it draw more attention to myself how do i get out of this

& after this weird uncomfortable silence my manager goes 'if anyone is having tech issues just send me a message it's all good' so i send her a quick brief msg like 'hey can i not have my cam on today. dysphoric' & she's all 'no worries <3' & covers for me which is. huge relief. then later in our scheduled 1:1 she brings it up briefly like 'btw i'm going to have a word with [the other lady] to stop pressuring my team. it's my job to manage them & it's getting kind of silly. also if you ever feel not great you can keep your cam off or skip the meeting entirely. you don't have to ask, just send me a message'

i don't think i'd skip the meetings but it's really nice to know the option is there. it's a big relief to know i don't need to keep pushing myself especially when there's going to be a lot of changes coming up soon and i can work on preemptively giving myself room to breathe instead of just powering through whatever y'know?

[up-in-flames-writing]

Periods are fucking hilarious. Usually I'm at my most dysphoric during them cause everything aches & everything pisses me off & what not.

But today I'm feeling very euphoric about my tits & i dunno if that's just cause I've been writing a lot lately about trans guys with tits, but I'm feeling kinda fine today.

Maybe it's cause I'm two months away from starting T finally, or I dunno. I'm just feeling good about my body for once.

[ask-artsy-oncie]

Do you have some behind the scenes or development info about Jules? Since you talked about designing Yy 😊

Sorry for answering this one so late anon! I've been very sporadically online the past couple of days. I know you sent this today but like still.

I just wanted to make sure I answered this proper cos I like talking about behind the scenes stuff a lot ;w;

Hmmm. So Julio. Let's see...

Well, originally their name was going to be José, since that's the first half of my name. It was definitely something I teetered back and forth on because I know José Carioca is not only already a Disney character but literally in Ducktales 2017. I mean... we have two Disney Afternoon characters named Louie.... but still. Ultimately I decided on Julio. I actually have a cousin named Julio, though we don't live in the same country and haven't seen each other since we were kids. It was more because I was born in July hahaha.

Ah, yes! "Starleta"! I actually came up with the character's surname before changing my pseudonym! Because I loved it so so so much and it really vibes with me so well I decided to have it for myself, too :) what's interesting about that is that my older pseudonym, Artsy LaVerne, is also based on an OC - it's the deoncelerized version of my askblog onceler (since LaVerne means "born in spring" and it was fanon that the Onceler's birthday was on Earth Day!) Starleta just felt appropriately magical and fictional! And it's a play on my own last name!

I figured their nickname would be "Jules" - I imagine that in their "original" Talespin incarnation it'd be their whole name because DT17 did a lot to Latin-ize characters and I kinda wanted to play into that, like literally (retroactively) Latin-ize a character I made up lol, just so it felt a little more immersive. But I also wanted this DT17 version of them to have a nickname, preferably one syllable, that Kit could call them, because Kit is the kind of guy who would lean towards giving people/calling people by their nicknames rather than their full names.

They were originally going to go by he/him pronouns! This was because I was feeling massively dysphoric when I was designing them and very much wanted to feel like a man. What made me change my mind is the massive amount of euphoria I felt seeing an androgynous they/them character already on Disney - Raine Whispers :) and I knew then that I wanted to change Jules's pronouns.

Their two most important magical elements are their broom and their tarot deck - their broom, because I've yearned to have the power of flight for literally as long as I can remember, and their tarot deck because I actually read tarot IRL and practice witchcraft! I imagine that in the cartoon world where magic is literally real, tarot works more like the Alethiometer in the Golden Compass movie, where if you know how to read it, the answer appears to you as clear as day, with little to infer or guess at - that's why they always get a little piece of information they don't know the context to, like their deck is almost being snide with them by giving them a riddle rather than a straight answer. It obviously wouldn't be that way in a real tarot deck.

Their broom is also their comfort item, and inferred to be kind of alive in its own right for a reason! I wanted an analog to my dog, who is very much someone who keeps me calm, who essentially functions as my emotional support net, who understands me and is as inseparable as we can be (she is not a registered service animal so I cannot take her everywhere). Jules very much emotionally depends on their broom, and feels better when they're actively holding it or can at least see it. I they made it themself, much like how I raised Cali from a puppy, literally just old enough to be removed from her mother, there's a lot of care and love involved. I've pondered, but I honestly don't think they'd be able to handle if it ever got broken.

I decided, in order to help myself develop them, to try also developing an "original" Talespin incarnation of them that could potentially be rebooted. I imagined them like a side character in one of the comics (one, because those inconsequential side characters were the kinds of characters I used to fixate on, so it felt fitting, and two, because it would also be easier to keep them androgynous without ever having to confront their gender - they wouldn't have enough of a presence for it to matter lol) kinda like the daughter of Baloo's old boss, or the homeless folk who raised Kit - major players in the specific issues they appeared in, but essentially nonexistent outside of that particular comic. I almost even wrote and drew the hypothetical Talespin-style comic that I imagined them coming from, until I realized I was too exhausted to do all that hahahahahaha.

I believe the plot was about H4H being hired to deliver magically significant jewels (under the guise of it being "jewelry") from the island that Jules and their family live on - who in this 'verse are all witches, no real "not believing in magic" issues present, though they're not very open about it because magic can be dangerous in the wrong hands, of course, which is why they claim the cargo they're sending out is just jewelry. But H4H gets ambushed by Karnage and his crew as they're leaving, motivated by the precious jewels, causing them to be trapped on the island. The adults are all tied up by the pirates, but the kids get away (Jules is an only child in this 'verse, or maybe perhaps only has much older siblings, they're meant to be the youngest of their family, and a late bloomer in developing their magic). As Jules cannot use magic yet, they lament that they, Kit, and Molly, are powerless to save their families, but Kit comes up with an idea to trick Karnage rather than overpower him. Jules confronts Karnage "alone", proclaiming themself to be a powerful witch who will make him pay for imprisoning their family. Karnage amusedly dares them to prove it, to which Jules pretends to cast spells on him while Kit and Molly, unseen by the pirates, play tricks as though to make it seem like spells are actually being cast (hooking a fishing line to one of the pirates and lifting them to make it look like Jules is levitating them, discreetely setting one of the pirates' hats on fire to make it look like a fireball had been thrown, releasing a basket of snakes to make it look like they were magically manifested) and it scares the pirates off, the kids having saved the day :)

Hahahahahaha I know it's very simple and rather dumb, but I felt like it was rather on par with the way Talespin comics are written (and that's no shade, I do love them, but they're often very simple like that.) Maybe someday I'll be able to draw it! Maybe. There was also absolutely (and adamantly!) no romance between Talespin!Jules and Kit, because I just don't feel comfortable shipping a self-insert with a child character, even though the insert character would also be a kid. Just feels wrong. Talespin!Kit is my blorbo, it's DT17!Kit who is my husband, ha. Talespin!Jules and Kit are strictly platonic.

That's all I can think of, for now. Sorry I don't have any pictures for this one like I do for Ty. I'm typing this on my phone and don't have the energy to pull up my computer to find early sketches - I did all their visual development digitally. But honestly most of what I've posted of them is all there is, even their Talespin version is in my introductory post for them. Hope you liked this, thanks for the distraction ;w;

[redysetdare]

yeah I'm talking abt trans hair. At least, my experience with being trans and my connection to my hair.

I've been someone who has grown up with long hair my entire life. it's fairly common for anyone who was decided to be a girl by the people around them. I was offered to have my hair cut short a few times but it was only ever bob cuts - basically feminine short. never short-short.

When i got older and realized I was trans, my hair became incredibly dysphoric to me. People said how pretty it was long and i grew to hate it. to me my hair being long is what made me a girl. I thought - naively - if my hair got cut I'd be a boy. Just like how all those girls in the movies could do. They'd cut their hair and be seen as a boy.

But I was scared. I feared not looking good with short hair. I feared people would laugh or I'd hate it. It took me years to build up the courage to finally ask for a haircut.

But i did finally ask and I showed my mom the picture for the hairstyle i wanted. We went to the hair stylists and they cut my hair. It was short short but... it was still feminine. Now I don't fully blame this on anyone - i wasn't out of the closet yet. I had shown a picture of a more feminine model that showed what style i wanted. But to be honest feminine or not it was short. It was short and I felt good about myself for the first time in years. I looked in the mirror and i could smile at what I saw.

I struggled a bit with style for a while, unsure of what I wanted my hair to look like. I wanted low maintenance but for it to still look how I wanted. At some point I was left with a long gap between my hair getting cut. In fact it's been over a year since I got it cut... I've moved since then and I'm worried about what I want. I mean, obviously cutting my hair doesn't make me look any more like a boy. I'm not on hormones. I dn't dress "boyishly". My hair still causes me dysphoria but now my dysphoria has shifted targets. when it realized that my hair can't change how people perceive me it moved to something else.

So i've been stuck without a hair cut for a year+. Partially because my money is short so i don't have the ability to spend something on a pricey hair cut. partially because I haven't had time to go find a hair stylist (ik barber shops exist but i don't think they'd accept me...). partially because I don't know what i want. Whats the point of going to a hair stylist and paying a ton of money I don't have just to get a hair cut i might not even like. so my hair has grown out. Which yeah, caused me dysphoria at first...until I realized that longer hair makes me look like the characters I have gender envy for. men with long hair are some of the top gender envy for me. So i drew my sona with long. I drew it to try and ease my dysphoria. to show how fun styling longer hair could be. and now I've grown to kinda like it? Sure, i still feel a bit dysphoric but I've been putting it in a mini ponytail lately and it feels nice :) I feel nice.

so when someone mentions how my hair being long is why I'm being misgendered.... think you can understand why that probably hurts a lot more than it likely would with anyone else.

ofc i don't blame this person for not knowing. It's my experience after all. but it still hurt. it hurt a lot being told what my dysphoria had told me so many times. that my hair was why i was seen as a girl. I was becoming happy with my hair and it set me back a bit. I started wondering if i should get a hair cut again even though I was happy with my hair as is...

of course I'm back to being happy about it again. It's easier to push through the dysphoria when you've already done it once before. (also helps that a lot of cis guys at my work have long hair)

tbh idk what the point of this post is. Maybe that trans peoples connections with their hair can be complicated and maybe saying how someone looks is the reason they get misgendered is kinda fucked up - especially when you don't know what the person wants /is comfortable with / is happy with /ect. maybe don't add to peoples dysphoria because you think you're giving them "advice" (quotations because telling ppl they don't pass enough is not advice)

idk. hair is complicated. my experience with hair is complicated. I'm sure a lot of trans peple have complicated feelings about hair. maybe it shouldn't just be a black and white "cut it if ur transmasc and grow it out if your transfem"

[sugarthebee]

Can't really think of a good title

So... I feel kinda bad to post this, but I need to get this out. I am, and always have been, female. And it honestly feels kind of wrong by now. I don't look particularly feminine- small chest, short hair, deep voice, and a lot of people mistake me for a boy, and I've been feeling really dysphoric lately and I'm coming to terms with the fact that genderfluidity feels more right than just cis female. I'll make a new 'sona soon, it won't be female, I don't know if it'll be a honey badger, I just need to, for lack of a better term, fix myself. I'll be using she/they/he for now. This may change later, as these feelings are very new and as I grow into my body more I may feel more feminine and be fine presenting that way, but it doesn't feel right for now.

Thanks for listening to me. I don't know if anyone's going to see this, I just need to get this off my chest.

[sophieinwonderland]

Hey as of late ive been really confident! Your blog has kinda helped with that, in making me feel valid and stuff because I'm the core (ik its kinda a outdated and stimatized term but it makes our collective comfortable) and I've always worried I'm "Faking" because I have aphantasia and I don't hear voices in my head, I just feel my dudes emotions and opinions, and my Tulpas thoughts affect my own. So for one, thank you so much

For two, I also wanted to ask a question after bringing that up, I have a lot of male/masculine leaning dudes, and anything their near front room I get really dysphoric and I feel icky? But that's what my male/masc headmates are feeling

Is there a term for their emotions affecting my own?

Thanks! I'm really happy to have helped! 😊

As for the question, the term you're looking for when the feelings of nonfronting headmates affect the front is "passive influence."

It's really common among systems to experience this type of bleedover from one headmate to another.

[aureamors]

Month 1 on T

Or 1 month and 1-2 weeks on T

Prominent changes

The main things that have very obviously changed is bottom growth, skin texture, appetite, libido and hair growth. I'll be discussing bottom growth, libido and all that behind an 18+ break at the bottom of the post (ha)

On skin and complexion

I am a greasy little man to say the least. I've begun to have to have a much more strict skincare and clothes/sheet washing routine because I have been so much more greasy. I also need to wash my hair a lot more bc it will not stop being nasty if i don't. My acne is really bad right now, though that may also be in part because I'm on my period rn (which I will discuss further down)

On hair

Maybe TMI, but in particular, armpit and ass hair is a lot thicker than it was before (💀💀💀), and it also grows back much faster. My ingrown hairs also seem to be way worse when I shave: I shaved the way I always have, but there's so many ingrown hairs then there usually is so I'm thinking it may be related to this? Idk man.

The hair on my head is also thickening, I have a bunch of new baby hairs growing at my hairline.

On appetite changes

My appetite has been a lot more at times then it was before. I don't know if it's fully kicked in but I will just randomly be starving a lot more (I have a bit of a poor connection to my physical needs at times so I sometimes lowkey forget to eat until I really really need to- )

On periods

I mentioned my period up above and I'll elaborate a bit on that. At first I thought I wasn't gonna have it as I was a week late and I thought I was just. Having really bad PMDD, but I ended up getting it anyways. I had normal mood swings on my period before obviously, but this time around it felt like it was a million times worse. I was so anxious and moody that I could barely function at work last week, and I was honestly having pretty bad urges to relapse (I have struggled on and off with SH and addiction over the years).

I'm better now, my period is just being it's annoying period self tho. I'm still bleeding and it hasn't stopped yet, it's a lot lighter then usual tho so hopefully that means next month it will have stopped (for context, I've always had absolutely horrendous periods- heavy asf to the point I need to wear pads designed for post children women, dizziness because of how heavy the blood loss I had was and cramps that make me unable to move because of how painful they are. It's still present, but it's not nearly as bad as it has been for several years now).

On mood

Outside of this though, my mood has been so much better than it was pre-T. I was much more anxious before and it led to me being unable to properly function socially, but now I'm a lot more confident. I'm still a bit insecure because I'm still very much not passing and stuff, but I'm getting better the more I grow into my body how I should have been. I'm already a lot more outgoing, and excited for life and the future than I was.

Less prominent but noticeable changes

My voice. My voice has started to deepen very slightly. I didn't even notice it but my sister pointed it out, and I recently retook a voice comparison video yesterday and it was slightly deeper in my natural range. It's still early days ofc but this made me very happy

This- may be a bit weird, but I think I am already noticing changes in my breast tissue already? They feel a bit more like fat rather than actual solid perky tissue and look less big (then again the latter could be because I'm starting to become a bit less dysphoric tbh). I'm hoping I go down a cupsize and they become easier to bind in future.

Confusion/questioning my sexuality again

Honestly I have no idea what is going on here at all right now. I thought I'd figured out that I was aroace and was formerly hypersexual from trauma, but now I'm thinking I may be allo. Still probably on the aroace spectrum, but idk.

Now men just kinda... 💅/hj

I think I might have just been fully apathetic and uninterested in relationships and intimacy with real people because I was super uncomfortable and dysphoric. Now, it's kind of up in the air a bit. I'm just not gonna label all that business for a while probably, I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually and I'll probably discuss this in future posts more

18+ only below - discussing bottom growth and libido n. All that 👍

My bottom growth has been pretty noticeable this far. I haven't measured it bc I think that's goofy, but it's prob a cm or 2 atp? Not much yet, but I'm so looking forward to more with it. I want to potentially get metoidio on it to make it more prominent, but I'll ofc see how it goes. Full growth is still farrrr off

I will also say that I have not gotten dry at all down there - the exact opposite actually. I hear a lot about all that business getting drier and stuff, but genuinely I get so much more down there then I ever used to. I think in part it may be because I've gotten more comfortable with my bottom growth?

This is- alot of personal info but considering this is 18+ section I'll get into it, but honestly everything sexual is *so* much better now. My libido has gotten a fair bit higher, but also I've found that the pleasure I can get from doing stuff has increased tenfold.

I think in part it is because I heavily dissociated away from myself both due to my dysphoria and trauma, but now I feel like I'm realigning with myself and - in a way I feel like I'm also reclaiming my body too. So because of that, I'm much more satisfied with what's going on with that. It's very hard to explain honestly! I would be interested to hear from other trans men with sexual trauma if they had the same or similar experiences.

I remember my psych warning me that it could be potentially jarring to have bottom growth due to my history, but this genuinely is the best thing I think could have happened for me. It's honestly helping me massively with repairing my relationship with sexual stuff, both in regards to my trauma and ofc dysphoria. It's been amazing, honestly.

This is all I can think of for now, but I'll possibly come back and edit stuff if I think of anything else. Working full time has been kicking my ass, so I've kinda just been only working and then using all my free time to recover for the next day 💀💀

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

suckage

lately i've been so conflicted on my chest dysphoria. i hate having tits, but i like using them. if i could only wear them when i need them, then i'd love them....

nothing makes me more dysphoric than beautiful skinny men getting to wear too small clothes that don't make their tits look weird. i want to wear and be a xxxsmall shirt that hugs their pecks, not squeezes, not misshapes, not malforms....

no more suffocation! not like that, at least. 'i still need a certain degree of disorder' and all that. i want it to be a choice. it probably only feels so bad because i don't really have a choice.

i could get the surgery and kinda want to, but there is so much that goes into it in every way.... i cannot now, besides. plus, it's so permanent....

once again, all or nothing! a choice with consequences. tied up, tied off....

[bi-dyke-eowyn]

Your tits and tummy are to die for God I just love how soft and cute you look 🤤🥵😍🫠🫠🫠

awww thank you sweetie 🥰 honestly with the holidays and everything lately I've kinda been feeling like dysphoric shit so it's always nice to receive a compliment