#but just because something fits that doesnt necessarily mean i'll like it

[avery-braindump]

A world with no Barok van Zieks would be no world at all 😔

The way that he treated ryunosuke in the beginning is really just 10 years of suppressed anger and hatred finally coming to the surface, he could've been far worse tbh

I'd say send him to therapy but in those days they sent people to asylums and gave them lobotomies so uhhh maybe not <3

You ever think abt the fact that there were a few days between klint's death and genshin's arrest. About the fact that barok would have been going through horrific grief but had not yet felt betrayed.

Genshin saved Barok's life in this time. They were spending time together. Barok probably didn't close himself off to other people until after genshin was arrested.

Do you ever think about how the last person Barok opened up to about his grief was probably the person he thought was responsible for it

[alicentsgf]

i do sometimes forget most white americans cant necessarily tell what version of white someone is. and to be very clear this is not me at all criticising - homogenous whiteness is part of american culture and that has an impact on how european features are percieved, it makes total sense they have a different perspective. But like personally i can look at most white people and take a pretty good guess what region of europe their familys from, and so can most other europeans. I remember studying in america and finding out the girl i was sat with was irish american and saying 'oh i could tell. you look irish' and her being shocked, saying she was surprised i could tell. like girl you are the most sterotypically irish looking person i've ever seen. There are always exceptions obviously, but as a general rule you can at least take a good guess.

I think maybe this why some movies seem so badly cast to me sometimes. They'll be casting for a movie about ancient greece or something and it'd be fine if one or two actors looked more western or northern european... but all of them? I just cant concentrate. It takes me tf out. I'll be sitting there like "that is an anglo saxon i can tell just by looking at him". I remember being so not okay with logan lerman getting cast as percy jackson when i was a kid, because the book described him as mediterranean. And i felt gaslit because everyone else was calling him the perfect percy, when he looked so british/irish to me. Like e.g. I can tell Emma D'Arcys heritage is likely scandinavian, just from looking at them. They have a mix of features you can pinpoint on a map somehow. Its just something I know immediately upon looking at them without having to even think about it.

Maybe this is why some americans seem confused by where 'tall, dark, and handsome' comes from, and the concept of dark features in general. "Olive-skinned" as well. Like these terms dont really work very well with a culture that enforces homogenous whiteness. My cultural experience with the term "olive skinned" has always been that its used as a way of referencing the green undertone (i.e. has nothing to do with the depth of colour) usually seen in the countries around the Mediterranean. It suggests that that person's skin tans easily, but it doesnt necessarily mean it IS tan. It can go very pale without sunlight, but even when its pale its yellow/green tinted. But seriously, where does that term fit in when it comes to homogenous whiteness? It just doesnt really, it wasnt made for that.

All i can think is Europeans dont really have a concept of overarching whiteness amongst ourselves the way white americans do (please dont think this is me saying we dont benefit from whiteness, we do). Im not saying this is better or worse than the american concept either btw, Im really not making any kind of moral or political statement here. I just think its kinda fascinating how much culture affects our ability to categorise certain traits. Our perception of stuff like this depends sooo heavily on culture/how we're exposed to it, and I think maybe this is something we need to keep in mind when we're having cross-continental conversations, instead of assuming our way is the only way to percieve something and the other person is stupid for seeing something different than what we see.

[kozykricket]

An Allay Revamp

Alright, I've mentioned I have issues with allays, some of them being nitpicky, and some of them being common complaints. Lets rapidfire address them. FYI, I am a big allay fan, they're super duper cute and i love the idea of using them for item collection for slightly less efficient but more whimsical farms :3 Issues: -Noteblocks dont really work as a "home block" because they have to be constantly (every 30 seconds) activated, and the whole "musical base" idea doesnt really work in practice, because you have to play the note so often and you'd also want a consistent dropoff location... (some say just let us tell an allay what pitch to listen for, but im cooking something better) -as much as the theming of amethyst = sound and allays liking sound fits, I don't feel like "right click with amethyst" is anything more than a band-aid-solution for getting more allays -allays can be frustrating to transport, even if they're really good at following you (i mean, mojang did a pretty good job, but i dont think any amount of fixes or buffs to speed can stop occasional questionable AI). also they get lost sometimes tbh but thats more of a noteblock issue, they just forget the noteblock -allays CAN still die, hypothetically, and i think giving them bonkers regen and health is the weird solution anyways, I think we can do better and have them revive, while making sense in lore. No more duplicating, but interesting renewability time! -i dont feel that its super intuitive who an allay "belongs to" like oh okay it follows *whoever gave it the item* thats... sure? eh Principles: -amethyst is too forced to just be Given to them -music doesnt really work in practice, despite being a little charming -lean into magical vibes -just make em work better -my particular take on some aspects revolve retconning a small bit of lore, potentially Now, TO THE REVAMP

Remember when people were asking about transporting allays and said "I wish we could store them in our inventory, that would help" Yknow, I think those people were absolutely cooking. I think we can go beyond just making books into "allay buckets" though! Rather than being close to a bucket, it would be a Summoning Tome; perhaps this would be a special book that you can craft, or books transform into tomes once you put an allay inside. Now, the idea is that you'd be able to right click to open or close the book, which would act as a summon. Whoever summoned an allay would be its "owner" (also, i think up to 3 allays in a tome could work maybe) What happens if I put away or drop the tome? It'd trigger the long distance teleportation, which I'll get back to. A failsafe of sorts, if you will Why summon tomes? - thematically I think it'd be very cool to use a book to summon them, for one, but I also think it'd just be very whimsical and... fitting! I think it'd also help allay safety. Why summon tomes? - Failsafes and overall Safety If an allay strayed too far from its owner, it would trigger a failsafe where it would drop the items its holding and teleport back into the book, and auto-close the book to let you know that it happened. The reason it would drop the items would be to prevent teleportation of items :p basically, I think it'd help allays not get lost, without necessarily giving them teleportation. they'd try to keep up with you to their best ability, but if they were just unable to pathfind to you, you could recall them intentionally or they would end up recalling if they just... really ended up nearly getting into like, an unloaded chunk. Why summon tomes? - If they die? ...and if they died, it would put them into the book and put them on cooldown for revival! bam, now you dont need to give them chunky health and regen! and you dont need duplication, either!

What about free roaming allays? How would they work? You could either release them from the tome, perhaps by shift right clicking, which would let them be free roaming and not bound to any player... or.... USE LECTERNS !! :D you could put an allay tome in a LECTERN and the allay would use *that* as the home block, and deliver items to the lectern, rather than needing a note block to repeatedly be activated. when a tome is in a lectern, you can close it or open it, by powering it with redstone or clicking it. this would allow you to recall an allay back into the comfort of its tome if you wished to reduce lag, etc :) I think the idea of a lectern holding a tome of allays as like, a summon-staff being held by a stand, in a way, is really fun :) its my favorite part of this all How would I obtain these summon tomes? So I said that we aren't gonna let you duplicate allays anymore, but 1) allays will still be renewable, even if you cant find any more 2) allays still can have theming involving amethyst Just wanna clarify that yes, allays would still be found in outposts and mansions, even if its a bit messy with the following lore retcon... So, we know that in official lore... well, we can assume that vexes arent just like, corrupted allays, and are merely similar looking because they're similar creatures in nature, perhaps born of similar... whatevers. and so they just capture the innocent familiars, and study and make their own evil ones. but i say while thats neat, id rather have vexes be corrupted evil allays SO we also know that raid farms are OP because totems really... shouldnt be renewable. so what if evokers dropped vex tomes? you could use them to summon vexes to kill anything attacking you, and they'd have anywhere from 1-3 vexes in them, so hey, raids make the tomes renewable. and you can probably see where im going with this: You'd have to purify the tome to get an allay tome! I think this could involve bringing them to a place of positive energy and vibes - an amethyst geode! Tada! We bring it back to amethyst because of the theming of sounds, and the chime-like sounds that allays make. Perfect! P.S They can still enjoy jukeboxes, as a treat. Noteblocks just arent used for their deeper mechanics double P.S (its late at night, i may Revamp this Revamp post tomorrow, by fixing up and restructuring a bit. but also i have school related writing stuff i should focus on lol. hope this is comprehensible and maybe brings you the same whimsy as when i imagined an allay tome on a lectern :D)

[jurisffiction]

okay i've been listening to Ghost Quartet the live album specifically Subway and The Photograph on repeat. and I Don't Know and The Astronomer and Four Friends and Prayer and Hero and The Wind & Rain. but let's focus on subway and the photograph.

join me in a space of trying to make a square peg fit a round hole in merging this with iwtv. ideally when i do this the outcome final aim is always "fully injective/surjective mapped amv" but i am already concurrently editing 21 iwtv amvs so that doesnt necessarily need to occur here and also i dont think it can. for reasons which i am about to explicate

also obviously just on top this is like. a song cycle that came of four white friends drinking whiskey and telling each other tales and categorically does not relate to the racial dimensions of the literal Trial. it's that and the sense of blame and responsibility for an accident versus a crime that makes this really not work at heart. But it's a shortways off, not completely orthogonal, which makes the diffraction patterns so nice to watch on the walls...

so where do you start. and obviously this is just taking the incident at the heart of Subway and not. any of the other stories. though my god i'd love to edit the entire song cycle to visuals. like I want to do with Aim & Ignite and Supernatural. Anyway. putting that aside. First instincts obviously Louis is The Photographer. he's. well. evidently. And it kind of feels like it works, except he doesn't have any of the usual archetypical thematics of photographers. being one myself i do very much resonate with the trope as threaded into the song cycle: the photographer is wracked by her inaction, her selfishness to capture others for personal benefit, but also is part driven by the want to capture the wonder of life and loved ones and see stories everywhere. Louis . well i mean very much to the point he is not so good at photography.

However, the beating heart of the song The Photograph would align very well if it is about Louis's self-hating cycles of regret. I'll table that thought for now because we'll come back to The Photograph in sequence.

Subway is a bit easier to work with, even if it produces less clear answers. Subway lays out for us a dramatis personae more close to the surface than elsewhere:

There's a driver

there's a victim

there's a pusher

there's a photographer

and,

the driver zones out

the victim plays a game

the pusher screams out

the photographer doesn't help

and,

the driver can't stop

the victim can't climb

the pusher can't stop

the photographer doesn't help.

Claudia is the victim. The driver and the pusher would be slots filled by Santiago and Armand but perhaps also the audience as jury. This also sets a frame where we're believing Armand's (and broader, the kind of post-1800s statistical/sociological storytelling) view of this all as inevitable at an individual level; events set in unstoppable motion (by Louis, The Photographer, and his arrival? His turning of Claudia?).

Santiago would be my first thought for Pusher because, well, but he also kind of works quite well as Driver (though this doesn't align outside of this particular track in the cycle). Similar conclusions for the audience as Driver or Pusher.

Of course, then, Armand works as Pusher or Driver in the shallow sense that he's in one of the blame roles; what does not work is that he holds far more of the active blame by any kind of ethical checkover of events. By the songs' arc, this places him as The Photographer. But you follow that line of thinking into The Photograph, and he is most certainly not haunted by a ghostly Claudia.

Taking that thought forward, you could make Lestat The Photographer: every time he closes his eyes, he sees her eyes, haunting. It works, but something prevents me from ascribing that specific kind of cyclic introspection of inaction in the song to Lestat by its so much more obvious fitting with Louis — who, to be clear, doesn't fit it by any external view of events we have, but simply by his own reflections on events at various points in the story.

But there's the kind of wavering issue of agency, where Louis obviously even by the stretchiest of views of the show canon can't just "help" and save Claudia from Armand. Or, by another way in, he does choose and try to help multiple times over and it doesn't actually save her. Much of a muchness either way, it grates a bit having the story told as Armand/Santiago/the Audience being roles that simply couldn't stop, Claudia merely pushed, and Louis the one who could have gotten her out but didn't. I suppose this is the foundational flaw here: that Subway is an accident (the taking of the photograph specifically being the motivated crime), while the Trial is not. (You could have Lestat and Louis as The Photographer both, but this gets muddy, I think.)

That's sort of the pause moment I reach in the thinking. I keep going back and forth; no particular setting seems to settle for long.

I really also like the list of mirror roles they read for would-be Claudia for would-be Louis (this version coming from Midnight): his sister, his lover, his child, his best friend, his little girl.

Oh, the other thought: who is the Man on the Platform — screaming about the apocalypse? In the versions I switch to and from— wait. Interlude.

As mentioned before, if you make Santiago or the Audience a role in Subway, it can't quite carry through the cycle as well as making them one of four core repeating roles (or, I suppose, alternatively making one of the core roles also play Santiago or the Audience, but the others...are there anyway, as themselves). So you instead, perhaps, have Armand and Lestat as either Driver or Pusher.

Jumping back to the Man on the Platform, then, if you leave either of them out, Armand or Lestat could, somehow, play him. Most irritatingly, this works slightly better for Lestat (re: Akasha, and being out of his own mind in the Trial), but he also works much better for the narratively-coerced roles of Driver or Pusher more than Armand. Especially Pusher, given the Pusher screams in the moment. You could, I suppose, have Armand's "I could not prevent it," sideline posturing behind the scythe as his screaming about the apocalypse, as in, a performance for distraction. Hm.

You could have Daniel as the Man simply because of his role in watching it all and knowing how it goes from his vantage in the future. I don't love it, but it's something. Or you could double and have the Man be the Ghost of Claudia, screaming that she'll come back and haunt them all (revelation).

Ah well!

If you're reading this and you're not me, good god.

Postscript note: I also thought last night that you could do essentially a Ten/Rose edit for The Photograph (though the sort of soap opera tonal aesthetic of 2006 era Doctor Who may seem a touch melodramatically ill-fitting with the song overlaid), with the beautiful coda touch of Rose is the same as everyone else., i.e., The Doctor loses so many people in this same way. And then I thought, that's indulgent, and also, I had misremembered the entire song, and Rose is The Photographer, so it's all moot. But also:

so that's lovely.

Postscript note 2: Claudia as Starchild (who reflects on being blessed — and abducted — by a stranger and the impact it had on her life)... it doesn't really work beat-by-beat. But...

Postscript note 3: Good god, everything about them having lived so many lives and forgotten all they are. If Armand was even a jot more of — well, I suppose, a human. So that's pointless to fantasise. But if he was, the lines of Scheherazade in Tango Dancer: I have a lot of memories, and I have a lot of sadness, but the two don't line up, the two don't line up / and I'm haunted by that memory of who I used to be / I was empty then, and I'm empty now, but it's not the same at all. would be beautiful. It works, somewhat, for Louis as well. And the opening: I've got a thousand one stories, every single one of them's a lie.

Of course, moreso than specific racial themes, or the apportioning of blame, the real difficulty in match-cutting the song cycle and the show is Ghost Quartet is so much about the human sense of wonder, and clinging to it, overall much more optimistic than Vampire, which even with its sense of forgiveness must remain more cruel-hearted and cold much of the time.

One blossoms at the thought of regrowing your sense of creative wonder with you the audience, the other sort of carries the same ideological imperative but via the tragedy that is the fact the vampires cannot recapture that wonder reserved for humans. The concluding Prayer: I will try to forgive myself, for living in the dark, for my loss of wonder, for forgetting how to play. I will try to forgive myself, for being absent in public, and bored before stars; for not remembering, for not being in my body, for not starting right now. I will try to see myself as I am. just does not seem like something an eternal being could ever sing with sincere believing commitment.

[xpoolboy]

so "i know the end" by phoebe bridgers is one of my favorite songs ever. according to wikipedia it is about "depression, euphoria, and the apocalypse". obviously, not all of it fits with cpurpled but some lines really just. ough. i'm not gonna do the whole song just my favorite parts.

"Somewhere in Germany, but I can't place it / Man, I hate this part of Texas / Close my eyes, fantasize / Three clicks and I'm home

When I get back I'll lay around / Then I'll get up and lay back down / Romanticize a quiet life / There's no place like my room"

i think of this as cpurpled being homesick and yearning to go back to his home planet where he can just. fucking chill. romanticize a quiet life and all. maybe he doesn't even necessarily want to go back to his home planet. but he wants the quiet of being alone.

"After a while you went quiet and I got mean / I'm always pushing you away from me"

do i even need to say anything. cpurpled is mean. even people who he used to be friendly with, he's ruined their relationships. ponk, jack manifold, maybe even bedwarsiblings if you want to go down that route.

"When the sirens sound, you'll hide under the floor / But I'm not gonna go down with my hometown in a tornado / I'm gonna chase it"

he's ambitious. in crises, purpled doesn't back down. he's always running towards danger (both lmanberg wars, red banquet, etc). he's not going to go down with the rest of las nevadas. he's going to chase his legacy, chase the chances he has.

"Windows down, scream along / To some America First rap, country song / A slaughterhouse, an outlet mall / Slot machines, fear of God"

it's escapism. cathartic, a little, to scream along while driving. it's something he'd do. and you can't tell me cpurpled doesnt listen to "rap country songs". and then the last two lines relate to las nevadas. the slaughterhouse could be the killing of slime, the outlet malls and slot machines are just las nevadas in a nutshell. fear of god is a bit more tricky because i don't think purpled believes in any godly supernatural force, or care about said force's opinion if it did exist. but quackity fears someone who thinks himself a "god" (dream). in the end, though, it wasn't dream who killed quackity's best friend.

"Over the coast, everyone's convinced / It's a government drone or an alien spaceship / Either way, we're not alone / I'll find a new place to be from"

obviously spaceship = purpled. but the "either way, we're not alone" is so. he's not alone. well, he's lonely and doesn't have anyone, but on the DSMP and especially with las nevadas no one leaves him alone. and in the next lore stream i dont think quackity's going to leave him alone either.

finally, "i'll find a new place to be from". "purpled from UFO". please get what im going for here. he WAS from UFO. that was his legacy, but he's finding new places to be from, to build a legacy. even before LN, this is such a big cpurpled line. he finds a new place to be from. the dsmp in general. lmanburg. his cave base. and then las nevadas.

"No, I'm not afraid to disappear / The billboard said, "The end is near" / I turned around, there was nothing there / Yeah, I guess the end is here"

"not afraid to disappear". well we haven't seen him in 280 days. he just does stuff on his own with his dog, disappearing from everyone else. "turned around, there was nothing there" nothing of his legacy left. and then "yeah i guess the end is here". he's accepted it. yeah, the end IS here. and he'll make sure the end is here for quackity's legacy too

[separatist-apologist]

so you’ve talked about your writing process for both lucien and elain (which was so eye opening!! you writing process is so interesting to me) but what drew you to elucien in the first place? Of all the pairings you’ve ever written it always feels like the couple that fits you better?? Not that your other fics are bad (they are not) but your elucien stuff just has an extra OOMPH (maybe it’s bc we love them sm)

also, i just want to take a moment and appreciate the powers/mysterys you give to elain when you’re doing canon settings?? Both the dreams in lyr and the power to make others see their worst nightmares in i know places are SO CLEVER?!?!?!?! It’s just so engaging and interesting

LOL separatist-apologist lore

When I first arrived I poked around all the Lucien/Elain ships for a little bit. I'm probably still following a V/ssien blog somewhere and have never noticed because they're so polite. I was, I think, really interested in the potential of both characters but I didn't want to write it necessarily. I didn't really want to BE here the way I am now. I was more interested in lurking and writing another SW's fic.

Have you ever seen something that just, like, changed your whole trajectory. I read something that made me so mad that I was like, you know what? I'll write it, just to get it out of my system. It took me about a month of sort of feeling the characters/ships out to decide I liked elucien best. I can be annoying that way. I just like to know what my options are, I'm a disaster in a restaurant.

And that thing, which I'm not gonna name because it would be mean, pushed me into writing Call It What You Want To. I'll never forget that day because I was operating under the assumption that elucien was VERY small and very few people liked it, and I did not expect to get a lot of feedback.

I posted the first two chapters as like a, "just see what I'm trying to do here" sort of thing and within like, 30 minutes my phone was blowing up with notifications.

It does feel like now there are more of us openly talking/writing/ etc and I wonder if I was just so new that I didn't know where to start with eluciens or if something has shifted in the last year and people feel more comfortable admitting they like the pairing. Either way, it's always really nice to be here because people are so laid back. it doesnt devolve into the in-fighting that happens in a lot of other ships and people stay out of the larger drama.

As for why, I just like their aesthetic. I like their potential. I like the characters, even if its my interpretation. I relate to them, I think they work really well together, and I enjoy writing them the most which is probably why it feels more special. I'm putting my whole [redacted] into it

[familyofpaladins]

Family: *keeps making teasing or outright condescending remarks about how I dont have a job yet and just lay about the house or about how my room is a mess or how I "dont take hints" when they make a comment about soemthing that should be done and somehow expect me to know that they specifically want me to do it or how I did something wrong with the simple task I was given, like tonight where I forgot to add salt and pepper to the supper I cooked*

Me: *gets fed up with all the comments that have happened over the last couple weeks, but especially tonight* *quietly leaves the room, because the comments arent a big enough deal to throw a fit over, especially since my brother and his fiancee were over, but I also dont want to hear it anymore*

Later

Mom, yelling upstairs to my room: [fiancee] is gone you can come back now

Me, to myself: she's not the reason I left.... *stays in room*

later

Mom, texting me: you can come back. [fiancee] left, so they cant gang up on you

me: *stays in room a little while longer*

Me: *finally goes back downstairs*

Dad: I didnt mean that supper tasted bad! I didnt even notice anything different

Sister (who made the biggest stink about me forgetting the salt and pepper): All I said was that it tasted different !

Me, in my head: You guys think I left just because of your stupid teasing over supper and not all the rest of the degrading comments?????

......

And like. They're not WRONG necessarily about me needing to find a job and that my room needs cleaned. I know I need to find a job. I know I do. And I know I've been procrastinating on it. I know I know I know. Suggesting jobs I'd hate or am unqualified for, doesnt help.

I KNOW my room is a mess. I Know it needs to be cleaned. I know I know I KNOW. Saying that you'll go up and clean it yourself Does Not Help!!! Dont touch my room! It's my stuff, it's my room, I'll decide when stuff will get thrown away and what will be kept, either for usefulness or sentiment.

I know I'm probably genuinely spending touch time on my phone and just sitting around. But I'm also reading (fanfic) and drawing!!! Im also getting to play a game that was never available to me when it was actually released!! These are Things I actually enjoy and make me happy for a little while!

I know theres important stuff I need to be doing. I know I'm a grown adult that should be doing more adult like things instead of just sitting around. I know I know I know.

Its just stressful stuff and my (undiagnosed) Executive Disfunction, says "Oh, that's stressful. Let's do this non stressful thing that will make us happy instead. Or we can sit and pull out our hair while we get literally nothing done"

I know I should just DO the Things, i know i NEED to do the Things!!! I know I know I know!!!!

But i cant for whatever stupid reason, and I dont need you always making a stupid comment about what a lazy person I'm being

I know

[frogmentarii]

QUESTIONS FOR OC CREATORS

Haaaa ok so I am doing this cause i saw @fallout-lou-begas steal it from @tarberrymentats and they both looked like they were havin hella fun so i am commandeering this for my own purposes. So lucky for yall its Emi time (art by the dearest @yesjejunus because yall need to see more of her work)

A) Why are you excited about this character?

Because she's an older woman (57) that breaks a lot of moulds and I love to see it. Aside from just enjoying older characters, Emi isn't a sweet old lady and she isn't here to try and mother anyone. Her drives are entirely her own and while she prioratizes herself and her sister before anyone else, its not always due to complete selfishness and just due to growing up in the wastes (I try to keep her character true to a fend for yourself setting as possible). I think Ill go into detail in another question with this, but I went through a lot of concepts and personalities for Emi before settling on someone who was seasoned and very much a product of the wastes. I think after seeing a lot of other couriers I finally figured out what I wanted to do differently, and that sort of helped guide her to become what she is today.

B) What inspired you to create them?

I think my last line there sort of short answers this. I wanted someone different from the other couriers I saw, and wanted to make one that was distinct or even juxtaposed against some tropes. She's a woman in her late 50s that doesnt try and play mom/granny to the companions, she very much has no stake in what happens to the Mojave, she doesnt care about Benny or that he shot her in the head (such is life in the Mojave, but she did have a job to complete so ripperoni him), and a lot of her motivations are selfish or exist to benefit her sister. She doesnt act 'old' in the fact that she isn't a wise caring soul or a grumpy old man, but rather her age is shown through her experience, and this also shapes her personality. She's never had to formally 'grow up' so she can come off as immature and irritating for her own entertainment, but she doesn't have youthful ignorance for how the world works. She knows how to be responsible but she doesnt have to act like it outwardly, even with her Tragic Caregiver Backstory.

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

To a large degree in the beginning, yes, and to specific degrees now, also yes. Writing in general isnt my strong point though I did know what I wanted for her. The main image is there but the details are funky, and Ive been slowly hammering those out as I work along with her and Camila's stories. There's been some huge changes along the way that help push both of them towards an ending I like and that fits them, and even if it takes forever and I never actually write a fic, I'll be happy when she finally feels completed in New Vegas.

Aside from that, she kind of fits in anywhere in regards to AUs. My friend @yesjejunus and I have probably like 40000 fucking aus for our OCs and all of them feel just as organic and their canon stories.

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

So I know I have an 'original concept Emilia' art on here where she looked like Laura Croft and had aviators but that wasnt even her first concept. I had originally wanted to make a petite southern belle type from Louisiana who used a shot gun and had a mean streak, but as I kept playing with concepts Emi really started to lean other places. Another huge change was her personality. Even when her concept got settled as a sniper from Mexico, she was suppose to be an early 30s caravan guard who was way too sure of herself. While there are reminents of that concept still in her, she has a lot more experience in the wastes and in think-on-your-feet situations to back up her attitude. Another thing she required was dropping her "take me seriously" personality with more goofy "i do what i want cause why not" traits.

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

Emi can get along with anyone at a surface level, for a small while, if it will benefit her or she wants to pass time. She really doesn't have interest in folks who arent interesting or beneficial in some way. Since I don't really offer her much, and am a bit of a wet bag, she might yank my chain for her own funsies or she'd have no interest.

And while I did indeed give Emi my go with the flow attitude, I think I wouldn't be able to keep up with her. Emi is very fast paced and doesnt necessarily have regard for those she decides to pick up as drinking buddies for the night. Def dont trust her with my life, and knowing the shit she gets into I'd def want to steer clear of it....like a trainwreck its much better to watch her from a safe distance, lol.

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

A lot of affection from a meta standpoint? I've worked with Emi and Cam a lot since creating them, and they've def come a long way since their original concepts. I wouldn't say their story is quite where I want it yet, but I am quite happy with it overall.

That, and Ive met so many awesome writers along the way with Emi. Not all of my friends have posted fic but the amount of world building and having our characters interact and talking OCs ive done with them has placed both Emi and their OCs in a special place for me. Sure her having her own story is fun but I much more prefer the bonds Ive created with people over OCs and I think thats a bit more of a cherished component to character creation for me.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

Literally? That she likes to be irritating if she feels she can get away with it (or even if she cant). Actually? That she has a very "I shelter you and feed you therefore I make the rules, period." stance on how she takes care of her charge. She lets a lot of shit slide with Camila but things get very Rapunzel-esque at times.

H) What trait do you admire most?

How sure of herself she is. Even if its to a fault, she trusts herself and her judgements. That sort of confidence is something I strive to have haha.

To a lesser degree, and more of a meta point I wanted to make with her, just...her appearance I suppose? To me she's attractive, but she also has a lot of traits that aren't conventionally attractive and that's played a lot into how Ive wanted her to be. Again she's 57 years old. She has age to her body, her skin wrinkles and droops, her tits sag, she has the body of someone who uses chems, and yet despite her age and breaking of beauty standards ive made it a point to show that she is desired or thought of as attractive in non fetish specific circumstances. She herself, while aro, also still has an active sex drive and I really wanted this to be a backseat part of her character, as I feel like fandom in general shafts older women in this department (this also goes for a lot of her non 'old lady' traits I give her too). She still has sexual needs and is still very much sexually active, and she is still found to be a regular sort of attractive and is desired by those she gets involved with.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

Yes? Ish, to a degree. I didnt have to but I wanted to. I also did a lot of headcanoning with post Mexico for her early life which, afaik is free real estate for lore/nothing super detailed has been given in canon.

Given that she and Camila both shape their stories as individuals, I did have to split up some canon elements to follow two seperate characters, but other than that I really just had to make sure Emilia's story wasnt "boring" in the fact that she again, has no real stake in what happens to Vegas/the Mojave.

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

Cackles in 'which au will I obsess with today'

For the most part yes, however I love placing her in new things or different stories. She may be 'my courier' but really shes just the frog granny that goes into whatever au I am feeling at the time.

[jakeperalta]

Hi. So I noticed something interesting about Taylor's albums last night and kinda my ranking. So I knew Taylor since her debut album when I heard Teardrops but I didnt fully get into her until about when I was 12 and Fearless came out. Up until 1989, all the stuff she released was when I was in high school, and 1989 was released right after I graduated. This could be a reason why i dont usually listen to her old albums anymore and just pick my fav songs from the album..idk. The thing is, I always felt like I related to Taylor cuz she was the weird girl in high school outsider and she always wrote about boys and breakups, but as time went on..I couldnt really relate but I still had a crush I guess so kinda. But then she switched to pop, and the music was just vibes and kinda about her journey so I could relate it to her mostly, instead of myself..and I haven't liked anyone in forever. So 1989 was about finding herself..then Rep was about her reputation.. and Lover was also her and Joe. Then she released Folklore and I was hoping for stuff to relate to...Lover was a very hard sad period in my life but it made me feel better in a way..but now I hoped for stuff to relate to which is why I loved Taylor in the first place. Folklore wasnt that, but I still loved the stories and I guess creating my own to make it fit somewhat. However besides Evermore and Long Story Short, I cant do that at all with Evermore..and it's kinda back to breakup stuff that I dont relate to at all so idk. I guess the point is, I figured out why I dont really revisit her old music cuz it reminds me of specific times in my life..why I seemed to enjoy her pop albums more at the time..cuz i had nothing as difficult going on in my life..and why it took me so long to love Folklore. Evermore is complicated..I like it, but I guess it doesnt have a lot of favorites for me ..its easy to just play but I guess would have more skips or for a certain mood. It reminds me of Red in that way. It makes a lot more sense to me to skip sad songs than any of her pop stuff..so Rep has no skips for me lol but I guess that's just me. Now I'm kinda in this weird phase where I only like certain sad songs or I'm always looking for stuff that has meaning to me, but I also enjoy pop music I guess. Realizing this, now I dont really know what I would want next from Taylor..more pop or more songwriting..cuz I loved Folklore now but not Evermore as much. Some people say Evermore is poppier and she was able to combine pop with this kind of songwriting..but idk why cuz it's more country to me. I dont see how she could have this kinda lyrics or style if she ever went back to pop, cuz I kinda thought it was just cuz of the pandemic, but who knows.I guess I just want lyrics that are more relatable or can be about anything..not a fan of some specific lyrics unless it's a story. An example of this and music I like every song is Hayley William's newest album Flowers for Vases and anything by Best Coast and Soccer Mommy. This is an example of slow sad, alternative music I wanted or was expecting Folklore to be. Sorry this is so all over the place..I guess it's just my thoughts and how it changed over time, but also what her career will be like going forward but I'll always love her no matter what.

yeah i think it’s totally natural that we relate to music differently depending where we’re at in life and come to associate certain albums with specific time periods, whether positively or negatively. i feel similarly about 1989 and identifying it more with her. i think with more upbeat pop music we automatically focus less on the lyrics anyway and then i tend to associate the songs a lot more with her than identifying them with myself the way i do some of her stuff - for me that was a pretty bad time so i just sort of got absorbed into her whole story about like being in new york, finding herself etc. it’s nice to have more fun happy albums as a distraction in bad times but also nice to feel like she’s putting into words how you feel (which she does so well!). i think the style of writing in folklore and especially evermore doesn’t really do that in the same way as her earlier stuff. for me currently i guess i’m in more of a phase where i don’t feel the need to relate as much which is why i’m enjoying folklore and evermore a lot, but in the past and inevitably again in the future i’ll be listening to taylor really wanting to get that sort of connection from it and will probably end up going back to other albums (depending what it is i want to relate to).

it’s so hard to predict what she’ll do next! i do agree with you that evermore leans more country than pop and i can definitely see her doing more pop but i don’t know how that would necessarily mesh with this recent writing style, whereas country does probably work better because it’s more songwriting based. overall i’m always a fan of slower/more stripped back music from any artist (which is why for me rep has some songs i absolutely love but also more skips than others!) but at the same time it would be nice to get more upbeat stuff again!

[thoughtfulpaperback]

Charmed 02x08 Review SPOILERS!!!!

Sorry this took so long y'all. Family stuff just blew up in my face this month has been just terrible it's been terrible since the end of november to be honest, so I just wasnt in the mood to review. But I shall starts. In general i liked the episode 8/10 for me. I like the pacing, the general plot advancing. I liked it, but I have some complaints though. So let's just get those out of the way. So I'll do pros and cons by subject since there were things I both disliked and liked about each thing.

1. Hacy

Let's just get this big guy out of the way. So abby and Harry kiss was a big no for me, although it was hot for sure.

Now there has been a lot of back and forth about this so I actually wanted to compare to the things that bugged me about Macyx galvin and where I thought one does better than the other.

Communication

So like Harry and Macy do not communicate well with each other right now. I feel that thier communication issues though are better (or at least make more sense to me) than Macy x Galvin.

Macy while communicating with Galvin, as far as arranging things, was bad, but with her kiss on halloween she did make her interest in Galvin known. They both had an understanding that they were interested. So I thought the whole Summer ordeal was worse in that sense because, while the follow through was poorly done, Macy's interest was stated.

With Harry and Macy, it appears that neither of them have stated any interest to one another (neither has told the other thier feelings) and neither is aware. So harry kissing some one else isnt as bad to me as the Galvin x Summer situation because of that (speaking about this area soley).

The passive aggressiveness of Harry and Galvin in certain situation isnt comparable because Harry is doing it more.I felt Harry's reactions are more justified (we will get to the hypocritical portion later) in that he is going through the wringer, is hurting and confused, and self-deprecating and many of us agreed that the thought of Macy preferring Jimmy would be bad and hurtful to Harry and logically make no sense. But harry has more scenes than Galvin did in season one so he feel more passive aggressive than Galvin, but I attribute that to screen time and proximity to the Macy (he always there so more time and chances to interact). But also, for me, Galvin wasnt as passive agressive and his sometimes aggressive or snideness wasnt because of Macy. Outside stuff (problems with summer) would make him snap or his trauma also caused him to snap so the situations are comparable there but, again Harry has more screen time so his snapping feels worse to me because it happens multiple time in one episode versus one or twice in a whole season. Since the situation ( and right now I am speaking soley on the summer x Galvin situation) was different. I am up in the air I as to which was "worse" i think both situations are sucky and i think i am more bothered by Galvin x Summer because again Macy had actually expressed her interest (communication wise) but the hacy situation feels more full of that passive aggressiveness and that will turn it into something I really cant get behind. Right now I feel Harry is in a bad place and probably shouldnt be with anyone until he get himself settled personally.

Love triangle/square or whatever

So like with summer x Galvin it wasnt really a love triangle I mean kind of but not really. Galvin didnt pursue Macy while with summer and was generally nice during that time. Summer wasnt necessarily the jealous girlfriend stereotype she was nice, but did call out suspect behavior.

The abby xharryx Macy x jimmy thing is like aweful. It is the love triangle that I hate most at least where the abbyxharryxmacy part is concerned.

I mentioned it before but I hate when one or two people use another person as a means of getting release/relief when they are actually interested in someone else. I think it is cruel to both the used character and the main LI. Worse when both are using others because twice the cruelty. IDK what was going on in Harry's head. But I have never like that type of love triangle, and worse so because it is possibly the other type of triangle I hate which is (usually guy) caught between two ladies and one is clearly the villian (I thank novelas for this gem *sarcasm*) and it is mostly a lust thing.

Especially given that James Westwell was a serial cheater, apparently, this idea of "I love one person but am in lust with the other despite thier character" is like the worst to me. Abby is straight up an ambitious murder, and like I guess that maybe Harry's default type because Charity had similar qualities, but again for a guy who supposedly has strong feelings for Macy and was so confused and hurt by her attraction to Jimmy (which apparently wasnt attraction at all) the ease of him doing the very thing he was mad about , and the ease of being able to push aside his feeling for Macy and give in to that abby kiss was gross.

Sorry but although they werent together, for me, guys who can do that easily should be on our cheater radar. Knowing that James was a serial cheater just makes it worse imo.

While the summer x Galvin situation felt worse on the communication front (expressed feelings) it was better done than here because there is a lot more grossness in the dynamics of the love shape thing right now.

Overall, I get Harry isnt in a place to be with anyone and it's all confusing and he is lashing out. He has not told Macy his interest and neither has she so he shouldnt be held to the boyfriend standards. But still the writers are toeing the line here. What happens next will actually help me define whether this turns into a Galvin situation where I end up not liking the two characters together. If Harry tries to continue the passive aggressiveness about Macy and Jimmy. I'll be done. I mean if he does have feelings for abby and trying to move on, but still tries to pull that with Macy it will just be straight up manipulative. Right now I am like okay he was lashing out and I get it and the abby kiss is probably a big mistake. He can continue the mistake path if the writers wasnt to go there, but if he doesnt recognize that he did something hypocritical and still comes for Macy about Jimmy it will be very very wrong.

I think they for sure need to clear the air but if the writers wait to long or do too much damage I wont be satisfied with the clearing of the air.

I am not necessarily mad right now over the abbyx Harry thing because I am waiting to see how they will handle and present it, but I mean it is on that line and writers need to watch out. I dont think Harry was trying to be manipulative and the lashing out happened before abby kiss. As long as the lashing out (at Macy) doesnt continue I will watch and support the development and exploration of thier relationship and dynamic with the others.

2. Maggie

So like Maggie shows her naivety here and I am not that mad. Like she isn't pulling a "I am so in love and blind to the world" thing she makes her decision based on what she thinks will do the most good for the most people. It is still naive, but she is still maturing and you can see that. Her wanting her sisters to trust her judgment and not feel like they have to baby her is reasonable although again those insecurities clouded the main issues here. She is growing and I shall see how she continues to mature.

3. Mel

I think they tried to fit some personal development for mel here and it both worked and didnt work. I thought it wasnt done badly but at some points I was like....okay could this have been saved for another episode or done beforehand. I wanted to see it, just didn't think it felt in place, especially after leaving the wedding. She just had some development and then was like welp guess I am gonna stumble upon this amber. Like mel could have gotten her new powers before, I mean I felt they could have made the stumble upon the amber scene and new powers at any point before and it could have been more relevant and interesting placed somewhere else than this episode.

4. Abby/overlord/parker storyline

Abby was probably the best thing in this episode. I love her as a villian. I am here for it and I want it.

Parker got dark real quick and while I think he and Maggie shouldnt be together, I am glad he didnt die. Also glad abby clarified that his actions weren't caused by the apple. Because at least OG with Cole the tragedy (the first storyline) was that he made a choice to protect the person he loved but he ended up becoming the source and actually being taken over by the source so his actions were tinted by his OG love but corrupted by that force that possessed him. Where as abby tells him, that that jealousy and want for blood was all him. Maybe the apple and that power made him more likely to act on it than of he hadnt, but it wasnt the apples fault necessarily so. I am glad for the clarification, makes me not want Maggie and him together, but I like that exploration of power and choice. Even with Macy while the power amplified those insecurities she still was making choice which also made her choice to give up that power extra meaningful. Power is corrupting but you can still choose to fight that corruption or give in to it. I like that.

5. Jordan

I love this character to be honest. I am still figuring him out, but like dude is cursed and has been basically touched, punched, and robbed by these guys. He can't catch a break and like nobody even checks on him. Like he so far is a pretty decent although suspicious (like he doesnt trust others easily not like he himself is suspect) guy and I like him but he is getting some serious Darryl treatment right now. I dont like that, but I like him and want to see more of him. Plus, what the heck happened? Did they leave him passed out in the gym? Did they wipe his memory? What is going on?

Episode highlights

Jordan trying to defend maggie and get parker to leave

The power of Four looking fine as heck for a wedding

Mel as a fly talking to herself

Macy walking in on that kiss

[treadmilltreats]

Allowing self expression 

Recently I read that Alicia Keys son wanted to paint his nails but he was worried about getting picked on. She was upset about that because she feels that everybody should have freedom of expression, of who they are. I am a big believer in being who you are, being true to yourself.

There's nothing worse than having to live a lie as someone else or as someone, that someone wants you to be.

 I have always taught my girls to dance to the beat of their own drummer as I have all my life. Growing up in a small country town where everybody was redneck, I didn't fit in. My whole family lived in the city and I wanted to be that city girl so I would dress like I was one. Here I was with my Joan Collins hats with veils (okay, older than dirt reference)  with my matching pocketbooks and shoes, looking like I just stepped out of vogue magazine, walking into a redneck bar when everybody else was in flannel shirts and shit kicking boots.

But I didn't care, I always did me, like it or not talk about me or not, I didn't care.

When my girls were growing up I allowed them to get piercings, I allowed them to get their hair colored, all colors, pink and purple and green, whatever they wanted.

I allowed their choices in clothes, they got to pick who they wanted to be  and how they dressed. There were many other things I could fight about with my kids but self-expression was definitely not one of them. 

You need to let your kids have self expression, why is it that we want to be like everyone else? What fun is that? You need to be who God made you to be, unique, different, out there and there's nothing wrong with that. What's wrong with being who you truly are? Whether you're straight or gay or transgender or loud or flamboyant, it doesnt matter, this is what makes the world go around, this is what makes this place is so amazing, is that we all all are so different.

 So why is it that so many people want to put us in a cookie cutter box? What's the big deal if her son wanted to get his nails painted, it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to "turn him gay" whatever the hell that stupid saying means. Many rock and roll stars nowadays are straight and they paint their nails because again, it's a freedom of expression. 

 Why is it that people are so fast to point and talk about people? Look we all just want to be who we are. 

 I always told my girls that yes, people may talk about you and yes, people may laugh at you or taunt you or be cruel to you but keep being you.

I also told them people talk shit even when they don't know you and don't know about you or who you truly are. I told him the story of how growing up, I had only guy friends because I was a tomboy and that I used to only hang out with the boys at school. Everybody in school called me a whore, even though I was a virgin, who was dating the same high school sweetheart for 6 years but if you talked to anybody and they would say that I was giving it up to all the boys that I hung out with.

That was farthest from the truth, in fact I saved my virginity until I was eighteen and it was with my high-school sweetheart. 

 That's why I told my girls don't listen to people because they're going to talk shit no matter what, so just do your own thing, just do you.

These are the lessons that I hoped I  taught my girls and hopefully they will pass along to their children, one day.

That is the problem with the world today, we are not accepting of people. Why can't we just accept people for who they are? Why can't we have compassion for people? Why can't we just let people be who they are, wonderfully made in God's eyes. Why must we judge them? Why must we be mean? Why was there so be so many haters out there? Look stay in your own lane, do your own thing, leave others alone and let them do theirs. Why is that so hard in today's society?

 I'll never forget when my best friend decided to come out, he told everybody before he told me and when he finally told me (which duh! I had known already for years without him saying it)

 I asked him why I was the last one to know? I was mad about that fact and he said because my opinion mattered the most. I looked him in his eyes and I said you're my best friend, you're the same person you were 10 minutes ago, the only thing that changed is who you like to sleep with and I couldn't care less. That's how we all should be.

 That is why if you look at my circle of friends it's like the United Nations. I have black friends, white friends, Spanish friends, Jewish friends, gay friends, straight friends... it doesn't matter because I see a person for who they truly are,in their souls. That's the only thing that should matter, so stop labeling people, stop putting people in boxes. I don't believe in that, I don't believe in boxes, I don't believe in labels, I believe in expressing yourself the way you want to. Express yourself with being who you are, with doing what you want to, with wearing what you want. You get one life, don't let somebody tell you how to live that life, do you, live large, be flamboyant, be loud, be crazy, this is what makes the world go around.

 I'll leave you with one last story when I was married for 24 years, my ex-husband wanted me to be a certain way but when he first met me he met the true me. The me that curses, the me that laughs loud, the me that talks everybody, that has a lot of guy friends. The me that is the life of the party, outgoing, positive and larger than life but then when he got me he wanted to change me into something that he wanted me to be. He wanted this perfect image of this perfect family so he no longer wanted me to laugh out loud or be loud or curse or dress a certain way,he wanted his perfect version of me which was nothing like who I truly was.

Because I was in love with him and I wanted to please him, so I started to change things about me and little by little I lost who I truly was. Everyday I was more and more miserable because I wasn't being who God made me to be. 

One weekend I went away with a bunch of high school friends and I got to be who I really was, because they knew me and they loved me for me and they didn't judge me. When the weekend was over and I was coming back home I had an anxiety attack and had to pull the car over because I couldn't breathe and I was crying so bad.

I didn't want to go back to this box that my ex-husband painted for me to live in. I didn't want to be that person anymore, I wanted to be the person I was on that beach that weekend, the real me. That's when I realized that I couldn't do this anymore, I couldn't be who some who he wanted me to be. That is when I knew it was over and I had to leave because I was dying a slow death being what someone else wanted me to be.

 So today my friends, my message to you is be you, do you, dance to the beat of your own drummer, dance in the streets, sing out loud and off-key, be whoever you want to be and don't be ashamed of it.

If you have children teach them this lesson, let them paint their nails let them have crazy hair colors and piercings and dress the way they want to dress because they are developing who they are. Don't stifle them, don't put them in the box that you want them to be in because trust me you're going to make them miserable.

 I applaud Alicia Keys for allowing her son to dance to the beat of his own drummer and I really hope this opens up a dialogue between parents and children and everybody else out there to have compassionate for everybody,  because that's what this world needs right now, more of that.

Live and let life and be tolerant of others self expression.

"Be the change you want to see"

 

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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