#but jsyk it's not a word I identify with or personally like being called!

[externalmemorycomic]

Happy Pride everyone!!! (Thank you Emily Gwen for designing the sunset lesbian flag) I love my trans sisters and siblings very much Image description: a cartoon cat and mouse march across a rainbow carrying flags. The cat's flag is the sunset lesbian flag with the words "happy pride" written on it and the mouse's flag is a black flag with three white question marks. It's a bright, cloudy day and the sun has a smiling cartoon face. End ID

[gnostic-heretic]

And when I say a lot of t*rf posts end up on my dashboard I mean it and it’s always so hard to try to separate between the people who are ultimately well meaning and didn’t know and those who spread this stuff maliciously. That post is right tho if you know what r*dfem transmisogyny and transphobia looks and sounds like it’s harder to fall for these posts... the shitty thing about t*rf shit is that it trickles down, in a progressive scale from their blogs to seemingly “neutral” (but never actually neutral*) blogs that maybe sound a little iffy but never outright call themselves g/ender critical or name trans people, onto complicit popular discourse blogs and then on people’s dashboards. *Hell one time I saw a blog that seemed like an innocent supergirl femslash blog just to find she reblogged constantly from t*rfs posts that were just on the borderline and never outright mentioned trans people, only buzzwords and this is what I mean by “neutral” blogs that are actually complicit. This blog has a lot of followers. How many of them reblog these posts uncritically? And I wish there were more lists of said buzzwords and how to recognise them but

The reality is that we trans people especially trans women have to be constantly on the watch for shit like this. We know the arguments and we know why they’re bullshit. Meanwhile cis people don’t really know the specifics of their ideology and seem to fall for it over and over. And the worst thing about it is that t*rfs use this as confirmation bias that their ideas are actually good and everyone would agree with them if they just present it without the slurs and mocking. But the slurs demeaning and mocking are a fundamental part of it, and of trans exclusion in general. Fear mongering and dehumanising trans people are the mean to wiping us out of existence.

I won’t explain why those ideas are wrong because I’m starting from the assumption that my followers are not transphobic and don’t find statements like “trans women are women” controversial, but buzzwords include (warning for blunt discussions of transphobia):

- expressing “concern” about men invading women’s spaces or the “purity” of said spaces (they don’t use the word purity but as a concept in general). This concern is never explained, only stated, because once you look into it you find that it’s actually about trans women. As a side note, the whole “invasion” thing is a popular one and it is reminiscent of white s*premacist bullshit ... this idea that since gay trans people are “actually straight” we will eventually outnumber “the real” gay people by calling ourselves gay and invading their spaces. the more you know ... if this doesn’t ring a bell you need to look into actual n*zi theories like “the gre//at re\\placement” and then we can talk again. The jump from t*rf to alt-ri/ght trad mom is shorter and swifter than either of those groups would have you believe

- “males can’t be lesbians” a pretty non controversial statement if it wasn’t that male is code for trans women. “Men who fetishise lesbians” is also a tricky one because while this is indeed a real issue, they’re referring to “auto/g/ynephilia” aka the idea that the reason lesbian and bi trans women transition at all is just because they fetishise the idea of themselves as a woman/lesbian (contrapoints has a good in depth video about this that explains better than I ever could) — on the same note talk about how “male sexuality” is something inherently corrupt, oppressing, and violent, and cannot be healthy ever, without any other context given is also usually code for “trans women are perverts and sexual predators” . The word “p//ornsick” also comes up often so watch out for it.

- the pervasive idea that a group of “straight people fetishising being gay/a lesbian” is out there and threatening REAL gay/lesbian spaces starts from here. I’ve mentioned a/utogy/nephilia but “fujoshi” is usually code for gay trans men, with a similar idea behind it. We’re not really gay men, just straight women who fetishise the idea of ourselves as a gay man... at least that’s the idea behind it.

- which brings us to the point. “straight people invading gay spaces” is usually if not always code for gay trans people.

- kinda related to the above point, honestly you’re all fools if you think the whole ace discourse bullshit wasn’t just eventually a path to trans and bisexual exclusion. Trans and bi people have been saying this for years but no one wants to listen. That’s not to say that exclusionists are t*rfs but those ideas were popularised by them... that’s just to say learn where your ideology comes from before you endorse it and embrace it

- similarly “queer is a slur” started there so you might want to reconsider why you’ve been convinced to tag your posts “q slur” by people who use other homophobic slurs pretty liberally lol . “Queer means straight people invade our spaces!” + any talk about gnc straight men/women and how it doesn’t make them queer or lgbt, Yeah, this was about never about “gnc” it was trans people all along. The implication is that trans people don’t exist, so we can be nothing but gnc “males/females”. Congrats! You’re a fool! Now don’t make me read this bullshit ever again.

- stuff that makes fun of said “gnc people” “queers” , man buns, undercuts, brightly coloured hair, specific names (aiden comes to my mind) careful about posts that mock the concept of “queering heterosexuality” they’re usually about gay couples with one trans and one cis person, or where both people are trans but with different asab. (ie a gay trans man dating a pan cis man, a trans woman and an afab nb person dating will get mocked as “straight people” who are just pretending to be anything but) sometimes it’s also about bi people jsyk but...

- “forcing young lesbians to not identify as lesbians”/“stop telling young lesbians they should be/are men” is also a big thing. implies that trans people are out there recruiting teenagers who would otherwise be cis lesbians (or more rarely cis gay men) and forcing them into identifying as trans. “young lesbians” also doesn’t always mean young lesbians it’s usually meant to misgender trans men who already identify as men (but in this theoretical framework trans as a concept is nonexistent, a perversion, a delusion, so what could we be but porn/sick straight people or delusional, misguided cis gays who fall victim of a conspiracy)

- entire blogs dedicated to d/etransition (or “reidentifi/cation” as they call it now) experiences that don’t bother to acknowledge that their experience is not universal and au contraire seem to want to push detransition as the one way to happiness especially for afab people. Yes I do think that people who detransition should be able to talk about it, but if the conclusions you draw are “this didn’t work for me so it’s toxic and bad for everyone”, and openly advocate against trans people’s existence, you’re full of shit. Only a small percentage of trans people detransition: over 90% of us are satisfied with the results. It’s all just concern trolling.

- posts about how dysphoria is either a “delusion” or a “normal female experience”, posts that sound a lot like body positivity but they’re actually pushing for detransition (ie you should accept your body as is, surgery is mutilation of your already perfect body etc etc) this is also tricky but it’s all in the language. Phrases like “young women who undergo surgery to fix their already good bodies” could refer to a variety of things but it’s all in the context. Words like “reconnect” “reidentification” are usually presented as alternative. Dysphoria is usually not named and referred to as a delusion or social pressure and something that should never be considered real, ie if you see something like “young women undergo surgery to chase a delusion” it probably comes from a t*rf. be wary of any surgery talk in general is my point because it’s usually presenting gcs as on the same level of lip fillers and Botox (ignoring that trans people face infinite struggles to access surgery and social ostracism for pursuing medical transition so it’s not the same AT ALL)

- talk about stuff like “hrt is dangerous actually” and “binding is horrible actually”? Yeah. You can guess where it comes from. It’s important to acknowledge the risks of hrt/binding but sensationalism about how it’s dangerous and could kill you and so on... it’s just overblown concern trolling to convince people that medical transition is mutilation and a conspiracy to kill the above mentioned “young lesbians”

- sentiments akin to “t*rf is a slur used against lesbians” even if not presented this way are also a red flag, sorry. If you don’t want to be called a t*rf, maybe don’t speak and act like one.

- the sad news is in the end there’s no way to discern whether someone is a t*rf or not because a lot of the time these same talking points come from blogs that have little “t*rfs don’t interact tee hee!” Banners on their description. A lot of r/adfem blogs out there are side blogs of people you wouldn’t usually suspect. Maybe they are vocal against trans exclusion, and in support of trans people, and then switch accounts to hurl about how horrible it is that they feel forced to welcome us “sexual pervert straight people” into their spaces. That’s why imo it’s more important to recognise the ideology than it is to look for clues. Again, if it sounds like one, it’s probably one :’)

[purplespacecats]

hey, so i disagree, but to situate where i stand in this godforsaken discourse: i absolutely hate the convention of tagging posts with "q slur" and am extremely concerned that a significant part of this discourse is motivated by exclusionists (and straight up terfs) who object to the radical inclusivity of queerness. so like, jsyk where i'm coming from here.

i strongly identify as queer, but contend that it's not never a slur. it depends on context. but let's look at a more obvious example: i also strongly identify as a dyke. dyke is undeniably a slur, and also undeniably an identity. a lot of wlw casually use the word dyke among ourselves as a synonym for lesbian or for sapphic. and yes, the word lesbian can definitely be used as an insult despite not being a slur. growing up, i never heard the word dyke; to say "she's a lesbian" already had enough vitriol on its own. but of course, lacking the hateful tone, the word lesbian just becomes a neutral descriptor. not so for dyke. if my cis straight neighbor told someone "my next door neighbor is a lesbian," that would be an objective statement of fact. but if he said "my next door neighbor is a dyke," YIKES. it would absolutely be a homophobic slur in that context, no matter the tone.

but the fact that dyke is a slur doesn't stop plenty of wlw from identifying as dykes. doing so is an act of defiance; it feels powerful. the point is to take a weapon used to hurt us away from our opressors and wield it for ourselves. dyke being a slur doesn't detract from it being an identity; that's kind of the point.

i'd be remiss if i didn't use this opportunity to pull out my trusty copy of the essential dykes to watch out for:

anyways, all that was just to illustrate that a word can be both a slur and an identity. the word queer obviously has been reclaimed much more broadly, to the point where my neighbor could say "my next door neighbor is queer" and mean it entirely respectfully. but while hearing that here in montreal wouldn't concern me, hearing a cis straight person call someone queer back in west virginia would give me pause.

once i was visiting friends back in west virginia, and at the time i thought i was panromantic. i was talking about how my friend's cis straight fiancé, shane, caught on when i stopped actively trying to come off as straight before i explicitly came out. this exchange ensued:

me: oh i knew shane knew

shane: oh yeah i knew you were a lesbian

me: well--

shane: well not a lesbian. pansexual

me: err not pan/sexual/, asexual... idk just call me queer

shane: i'm not gonna call you that! that's what rednecks call gay people!

and like, i could've pressed the point and explained that he could refer to me and his bisexual fiancée as queer without it being a slur, because it's also an umbrella term and an identity. but while that would fly behind closed doors, if he used the word queer in front of his coworkers, they would definitely get the wrong idea and think he was homophobic. and when he hears other cis straight people calling people queer, they 100% mean it as a slur. so my reaction was basically, oh right yeah i'm back in rural america right now, so of course a cis straight man would balk at the idea of calling me queer. he was unfazed by me calling myself and his fiancée queer, but his aversion to using the word himself out of respect made sense in that cultural context.

another example is an old controversy when a rapper cardi b was dating dropped a song with the line "i cannot fuck with queers." and like, cardi played dumb and tried to argue that he didn't mean queer as a slur. but it obviously fucking was in that context. and like, it would still be equally queerphobic if he said "i cannot fuck with gays," obv. but the use of the word queer there makes the line even harsher because in that derogatory context, he is absolutely intentionally choosing the word queer because it's a slur. the fact that it isn't always a slur doesn't soften that, imo.

anyways, that's just my two cents. ultimately: we're here, we're queer, and it's cool if we disagree sometimes

i saw a post earlier this week that said something along the lines of "guess what, queer can be a slur and an identity at the same time, those ideas can coexist" and ive been chewing on it all week bc i just dont think thats true??

like a slur is so much more than just offensive or insulting. its got so much more baggage, a slur is like, a word explicitly used to do violence to an oppressed group. it doesnt have a context outside the violence its used for.

i just dont see how something can be genuinely accepted and appreciated as a legitimate self-identity, and at the same time think that word is inherently and absolutely a tool for violence and oppression.

like yes queer can still be used as an insult. im queer - people can still call me it and i know from the context that they mean it pejoratively. but thats true of anything in my identity. ffs im british living in northern ireland - yes you can identify as something and it still be used to insult you haha

but thats not the same as a slur???

idk i have once again tried to have thoughts with a tummy full of pasta so this is a bit disjointed and im not sure i said it all. i think my key point is that i dont think u can genuinely respect the nuance and richness of a person's identity, and think it is a slur. wld love to hear ur thoughts, oh big blue void xx

[1300splaguerat]

this is my kratom-fueled rant about gender

jsyk yall i dont identify as a boy or a girl at all neither of those words are my identity but i call myself a boy for ease sometimes... im not a trans boy im not transmasculine i used he pronouns sometimes irl mostly (i prefer it and they) to identify myself as trans outwardly b/c my appearance doesnt “match” he pronouns and i want to intentionally confuse cis ppl and start a conversation sometimes. im not a man at all, but calling myself a boy feels fun and cute, especially cos “i dont look like a boy”. but it doesnt FEEL like my identity. i wish this made more sense

i identify as butch but i keep it personal b/c some folks (i dont wanna get into that rn) dont think i am allowed to use that word as a gender identity. i’m not agender, i’m nonbinary, but really i’m butch. that’s my truest identity.

but if u ever see me rb something like calling myself a boy or a girl i mean it in a really light way. i dont like being called gendered terms unless youre really close to me and calling me “son” or “boy”/”gurl” in a friendly way

i used to love identifying as queer and genderqueer but queer has lost its ring for me b/c of a) cis hetromantic a/ce ppl trying to call themselves queer (thats a reclaimed slur that is so fucking not for cishet a ces), and b) “queering heterosexuality” nonsense. annoying straights trying to call themselves gay/queer cos theyre kinky or poly or whatever. theyre still straight. but yeah. im unsure how i feel about queer now. i still identify with queer VERY personally, i am weird (queer) i am a queer, and i truly don’t mind being under the umbrella of the “queer community”.... oh wait, actually: i’m not comfortable with it b/c the definition is becoming looser so straight people are trying to get in on it. please only group me into the queer community if youre talking about gay and trans (and lesbian and bi etc) folks. not cishet aces or men trying to “queer” themselves. oh that thought makes me nauseous. i hate men!!!!

call me gay. i’m not bi. i’m queer in my own personal relationships, but that word (SLUR) comes out of straight people’s mouths way too often.

if any of this feels icky to you, please come to me about it and don’t make a callout post or something unnecessary like that <3 thank you (not a free ticket to police my identity but i dont want anyone to ever feel unsafe around me)